eddie catalina part 5

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the short walk to the basque restaurant was uneventful. however, by this time the small establishment was very busy. the staff was having a hard time keeping up with all the food and drink orders. eddie caught the eye of the lady he’d spoken to earlier and raised one finger. then he pointed to the bar. she nodded back at him.

he made his way through a large party waiting for a table and found an empty chair at the bar. eddie ordered a picon as he placed a twenty on the bar top. the usc stanford game had already started. eddie turned to watch it on one of the TV’s. he also further checked the room and things seemed to be normal.

the bartender sat eddie’s basque drink in front of him and took the twenty to make change. eddie turned back to the bar and sipped his drink. liquid ambrosia even after the vodka. he was going to need another one of these. the crowd in the bar cheered.

eddie turned back to the game to discover stanford had scored a touchdown. unless you were from southern california most folks didn’t care for usc very much. oh well. at this point in the day the only thing eddie catalina cared about was the final score and did he win his bet or not.

on the ensuing kickoff usc fumbled the ball after a hard hit at the twenty five yard line. stanford recovered the fumble. the way things were going didn’t bode well for eddie or his bet. especially after he noticed on the score crawl at the bottom of the screen that boise st had already scored 21 points in the first quarter. good-bye $3,200. or so it seemed. he finished his drink in one gulp and raised the empty glass to the bartender. who then set about making eddie another picon.

the sinking feeling of his $3,200 flying out the window made eddie think about his predicament again. he’d killed two mob boys in his apartment down in los angeles. the l.a. cops were more than likely looking for him so they could ask him a few questions. so, eddie, what’s up with the two dead guys on your kitchen floor? eddie shuddered involuntarily.

you ok, mister?

yeah, i’m fine. just a chill.

here’s your drink.

thanks. you can keep what’s left.

thank you.

sipping his drink eddie knew the mob wasn’t going to be anywhere near as polite as the lapd would be. the problem being eddie catalina was screwed if either of them found him. though he doubted the cops would be looking for him in northern nevada. not just yet anyway. the mob? they weren’t going away either but it was probably even money they were closer than the cops. eddie shuddered again. then he noticed the waitress beckoning him.

he picked up his drink and made his way back to the dinning room. the place was even busier. loud as well. filled with happy diners.

the waitress led him to a table with four chairs. there were already two ladies sitting in two of the seats. eddie knew that most basque places sat you family style. it wasn’t a problem. the two women turned out to be a mother and daughter from boise who were on a road trip and had stopped in elko on the way home for some basque food.

eddie ordered one of the specials. oven roasted lamb neck bones. along with a half liter of the house red. the dinner came with the usual sides. soup, salad, tongue, a vegetable or two, french fries, spaghetti, and sourdough bread. enough food for 4 or 5 people. the ladies ordered an extra side of a delicious blue cheese which they shared with eddie. the fine meal was accompanied by pleasant dinner conversation. or as pleasant as eddie could muster under the circumstances.

the roasted neck bones turned out to be outstanding. eddie was glad he had ordered them. he learned long ago to order off the specials board in a basque restaurant. even better was getting to know the owner who would throw in extras or let you request something off the menu or specials board. eddie was stuffed. the ladies declined dessert. though when eddie heard they served bread pudding, which the waitress said was to die for, he groaned and ordered one. the serving was huge and delicious.

the ladies said goodnight and eddie ate his dessert alone. when he finished he went back to the bar and ordered a frangelico and soda to help with his digestion. it would also serve to help ease the pain of his misguided football bets. by that time in the evening it was obvious he had lost his $3,200. the only thing that could save the money would be divine intervention. which was something that rarely happened. at least with eddie.

sated he somewhat stumbled from the restaurant and out into the street. it was noticeably colder now and there were fewer people out and about. eddie pulled his jacket tighter around himself and started walking. the last place he wanted to be was in one of the cat houses a block or so from the basque restaurant. but that’s where he found himself, several minutes later, in one of the houses. he sighed and mumbled to himself that he was pretty well fucked up and he had fucked up big time by wandering into the joint. he almost turned around but didn’t. instead he went to the bar. at least it was warm inside. the bartender spoke.

what’ll ya have?

ah, yes. ah…um…brandy rocks.

coming up.

the place was empty save for eddie and the bartender. as the bartender turned from eddie to make him his drink he rang a bell. crap. eddie thought, here they come. not long after that 3 or 4 ladies showed up. eddie wasn’t sure just how many there were. it may have only been two and he was seeing double. at any rate, he told the ladies thanks but no thanks. he was just having a drink then he’d be on his way. and no he didn’t want to buy any of them a drink. the ladies cleared out pronto.

eddie sipped his drink and talked college football with the bartender. one of the ladies came out again and sat at the bar. eddie ignored her. already drunk he at least knew compounding mistakes wasn’t going to do any good. he finished his drink. dropped a jackson on the bar and somehow or another made his way back to the hotel and his room. tomorrow or more to the point today was another day.

this originally appeared here in july of 2014.

jmh

eddie catalina part 4

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after a few drinks and south carolina had defeated the favorite, alabama, eddie decided it was time to move a bit. go outside, look around, take a walk. he left things as they were in the room. including the TV tuned to a football game with the volume loud enough for someone to hear the game if they stood just outside the door.

eddie grabbed a jacket and headed out to the elevator. the paiutes, if that’s who they were, where pretty much everywhere in the casino. he thought of asking one of them what was up and if they were paiutes. that thought was quickly discarded. better to just mind his own business and stay under the radar. everyone’s radar.

when he arrived at the lobby he stopped once again to read the newspaper articles that were posted under glass there about john wayne. it also gave him a few minutes to see if anyone was interested in him. no one seemed to care. he was still curious about the john wayne connection though. maybe he would ask when he checked out. that is if he didn’t just leave without saying a word.

as eddie walked through the small smokey casino the old lust for gambling hit him like a short left hook to the belly. in fact he almost doubled over. easy he thought, this wasn’t the time to get lost in a gambler’s haze. though something did catch his eye towards the back of the casino and the rear exit.

it was a tiny sports book. probably the smallest he’d ever seen. the book employee was even wearing a black and white football referee’s shirt. low end and campy but the board behind the man had all the college games and tomorrow’s pro games. a simple white board with numerous boxes on it. the games had been written in with a black magic marker. the spreads as well along with the over and unders. low end for sure. but none the less all above board and legal with everything you needed to know in order to place a bet.

he stopped to look at the games and the odds. of course, he should have kept on walking but what was the harm? the employee greeted him and eddie spoke.

how long will you be open tonight?

we close right after the last game starts.

hawaii?

no, hawaii is off the board unless they’re playing here on the mainland.

ok.

eddie was still looking at the board. there were a few games that were calling to him. usc stanford for one and boise st had way too many points to cover was another. maybe he could parlay some of the money left from the sale of the stolen caddie into something more. he shook that feeling off as quickly as it it had come on. what the hell was he thinking? maybe it was the vodka. he’d have to watch that.

he stepped outside into the almost late afternoon. it was cool but the air was fresh after the stuffy casino. he breathed deep. coughed. and lit another smoke. he stood there smoking for bit just watching the light traffic and the few people out walking around enjoying the fall afternoon air.

the basque restaurant he wanted to have dinner in was just a short walk away down on the corner. he made his way there and the smell of whatever was cooking inside made his stomach growl. they were already open so he made his way inside to check the specials. a smiling but harried lady asked him if he was going to eat. he said no he was just looking at the specials for now. the bar was almost empty and there were several TV’s on the walls all tuned to the usc stanford pre-game show.

eddie decided this was the place to eat. he almost told the lady he was ready to eat but the siren of the lonely little sports book was calling to him. he turned and left the restaurant. then quickly walked back to the hotel casino. the man in the referee’s shirt was still there. fortunately for eddie he was busy talking to another customer. eddie hurried past them and went up to his room.

once in his room he made himself a stiff drink and tried to settle down. that damn gambling jones. what a time to kick back in he thought. maybe a shower would help. the short hot shower did nothing to calm the siren in his head. the vodka wasn’t helping either. he put on his clothes and went back downstairs.

he should have gone out the entrance by the main desk and then taken the long way round the casino to the basque joint and his dinner. should have being the operative words. eddie walked through the casino and made a bee line to the small sports book. the man in the referee’s shirt was alone.

can i still put some money on usc and boise st?

yes, you just made it.

good. ok. i want to put $1,200 on usc and take the points. another $1,500 on new mexico and take the points.

no problem.

the employee efficiently took care of the money and the rest of the transaction. he handed eddie his betting slip.

i’ll be closing in a short time so if you win come back tomorrow and i’ll take care of you. or you can mail the slip in to the casino. either way.

thanks. i’ll do just that. either way. thanks.

not a problem. have a good evening.

eddie put the slip in his wallet and made his way back to the basque restaurant and dinner.

this originally appeared in july of 2014

jmh

eddie catalina part 3

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eddie quickly changed and thrown some clothes, the .357, and a few more rounds in a ratty suitcase then ran downstairs. out on the street he spotted the shinny new cadillac sts. in the distance he heard the sirens. lapd was on the way. he looked inside the car and saw the keys. it was unlocked. why not? who would be stupid enough to mess with a mobster’s ride? only a desperate eddie catalina. he got in threw the bag on the passenger side floor then sped away. as the sirens and the lapd drew closer.

eddie had stolen the car and then somehow sold it twenty minutes later. sold it for a nice piece of cash to a crack dealer eddie knew. a crack dealer with an old steamer trunk full of stolen and cold license plates from every state in the union. a crack dealer with visions of his own grandeur. thirty minutes later the car was in a warehouse getting chopped up into parts. parts worth four times what he paid eddie catalina including a set of oregon plates.

for eddie’s part he made his way to a used car lot where he’d paid cash for a seven year old mustang that needed body work. the car looked like crap but it did run well. very well. the car dealer threw in a full tank of gas because eddie had paid cash. what the hell, he could fix the books and pocket several hundred dollars for himself on the deal.

after pulling out of the car lot eddie made his way to a quiet alley and removed the red used car sticker from the rear window of the mustang. eddie also removed the california plates and added his newly acquired oregon plates. even though the plates were expired by several months eddie figured the cops wouldn’t care. after all, he saw plenty of expired california plates every day. the cops had more important stuff to do. expired plates would be an added after thought for some other offense. expired oregon plates? not a problem.

eddie hit the freeway with a new sense of urgency. jesus. he’d just killed two mob guys. then stole their car. thankfully, for a time the cops, and more importantly the mob, would be looking for the cadillac. the mob would find out soon enough what happened. the cops a bit longer. eddie had maybe five or six hours. maybe more. at least he was now sober.

transitioning from the 10 west to the 405 north he was soon on interstate 5 and heading north at a speed where most of the chp’s on the road would leave him alone. once over the grapevine and into the central valley he could open it up a little more.

which he did and he was now in elko, nevada and the stockmen hotel. pacing, smoking, and thinking. the only trouble was the thinking seemed to be getting stuck at the what next part. his next move just wasn’t making itself very clear. at least he felt somewhat safe in his room with a view.

it was saturday and the hotel was busy. busy with a native american indian wedding or something. for some reason eddie figured them for paiutes. he didn’t have any reason other than a hunch. it didn’t matter much other than the fact with all of the paiutes around a few greasy italians in suits or $120 charlie sheen shirts would stand out even more.

all that being said, eddie was getting antsy. he still had a good amount of cash but no plan. no plan other than hitting another basque joint for another lamb dinner with all the traditional sides that night. a few traditional picon punches as well. maybe the TV would help soothe his nerves. he turned it on.

a fall saturday afternoon. television was all about college football. with more games to come later in the evening. what was he thinking? strangely the college games did help soothe his nerves. though they did nothing to help him come up with a plan.

he sat a chair in the middle of the room where he could stand up and check out the front and side views of the hotel while he watched the games. he called room service and ordered some ice and a bottle of vodka. he might as well be comfortable. sure why not?, eddie thought. after he’d lost those mob boys in stockton he could have gone anywhere. eddie hoped they felt the same way.

this originally appeared in july 2014.

jmh

eddie catalina part 2

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after growing up out in the farmlands that used to surround metropolis los angeles, eddie had moved to downtown l.a. after he was discharged from the army. that had been long ago. forty years ago more or less. things had gone well for him after the army. a thriving business, marriage and family.

thirty five years or so of peace and happiness. then it all started to unravel. slowly. one frayed thread at a time. eddie had started betting on football games. in the beginning he did alright. most weekends he won the majority of his bets. then something happened. eddie never did figure out what or why. his football acumen just went south on him. he started losing more than he won. not a good thing for any bettor.

instead of just quitting he tried to make up for his bad luck by betting more, more and more. he not only lost the bets he lost his family as well. his business and his peace of mind. everything. eddie had become some sort of poster boy for gamblers everywhere. not in a good way but the worst possible example.

wife, children, home and business gone eddie hit rock bottom. though living by his wits and a few odd jobs he kept a roof over his head. things had even started to turn around again. he even had thoughts of setting things straight with his wife and kids. instead, however, that old invincible bettor’s feeling came back and took hold. eddie started betting sports again. mostly college football.

he was actually doing well with his bets. just for a short time though. soon he was back to losing much more than he was winning. he began to drift out of control. there was no stopping him. madness seemed to hold sway. madness to the point of not caring anymore. then it happened. very quickly on a saturday afternoon in the late fall.

eddie catalina had weathered worse weekends but nothing quite like the past one. in some sort of semi delusional death wish he’d taken his car and rent money and bet it all on 10 of the worst college football picks imaginable. sure, some of them looked good and even made sense in that death wish sort of way. but he knew he was in big trouble by mid afternoon on saturday.

the odd thing was he really didn’t care. the third floor walk up in the eastern part of downtown los angeles and his 10 year old car had lost whatever luster was left or ever had been there. things had tumbled out of control and he was resigned to what would come soon enough.

another strange thing was he didn’t even have the car or rent money anymore. after losing the game that tilted the deal below what would mean busting out even he had taken the car and rent money and blown it all and then some. that was even before the total disaster became, oh so apparent. all the money he had was blown on a bizarre drunken whore mongering night in the illegal after hours mexican ‘nightclubs’ in his neighborhood. a long night that found him drunk, alone and asleep at his kitchen table around noon sunday.

the pounding on the door woke him up. it took a second or two to realize it was morning, the sun was up, and he was still drunk. very drunk. stumbling to the door he opened it. two thugs pushed their way inside. the larger of the two shut the door and stood by it.

the smaller one spoke.

so where were you last night? it looks like getting drunk on your sorry ass. and that’s no excuse. there are no excuses. you know the rules. payment is due on all bets at midnight sharp. pay up now plus another $1,000 in vig for our trouble. don’t fucking piss don vincenzo off any more than he already is.

standing there in his under ware, head down looking at the floor he thought, good thing i’m still drunk. maybe the broken bones won’t hurt so bad.

broken bones or maybe. just maybe. yes, a mad hangover haze grab for the rusty but loaded .357 under the three day old newspaper on the table. for you see, as dawn had broke that sunday morning, lonely broke drunken dreams made him pull it out of the bottom of his old army duffel bag. he’d passed out before he could use it. now maybe. just maybe. he could make use of it for some other purpose.

the smaller man slapped him to the floor. eddie used the table to help himself to his feet. his hand slipped under the paper. he gripped the pitted and splintered walnut pistol butt. he spun around firing. his finger pulling the trigger as fast as he could. sound, smoke, and the smell of cordite filled the small room.

the two mobsters lay there bleeding their last seconds of life out onto the cracked yellowed linoleum floor. eddie catalina’s troubles had only just begun.

jmh

this first appeared in july of 2014.

eddie catalina

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the two open windows provided light and air. they also provided a decent view of the parking lot and the street area to the east. eddie catalina stood in the middle of the room smoking, watching and pacing. the past two days had been a wild ride. or was it three? adrenaline highs and crashing lows had brought him here. north eastern nevada and the stockmen hotel in elko. the corner suite on the 4th floor. probably not a real suite in most hotels but the view was ok and he could smoke in the room. and with all the photos of john wayne in the lobby maybe the duke had even stayed in the room way back when. tangents. eddie was tired.

he hadn’t smoked in over twenty years but he had started again once the mad cap car trip had begun down in los angeles. probably somewhere in northern california along interstate 5. stockton? maybe. eddie thought he’d spotted a tail somewhere around the tracy turn off. no, he had spotted a tail. smart bastards that they were. someone on or near the over pass. though in the end not that smart.

eddie was a good driver. once the tail was spotted he let the adrenaline kick in and instinct take over. getting enough of a jump on them and then getting off the interstate in the old downtown section of stockton proved to be the right move. after a few one way streets there, a few quick turns, then backtracking he had lost the tail. after losing them he spent ten or fifteen minutes sitting in the shady parking lot of the public health department just to be sure, while getting his nerves back together. nothing of interest in the parking lot other than a few pregnant women coming and going. a few obvious junkies as well. nothing of interest.

after he left the parking lot he had a bit of a problem. he wasn’t sure where the interstate was any more. he drove around for a bit before he found it again. about that time eddie also realized he was hungry. he had seen a chinese restaurant sign a street or so over. not in the mood for mexican it would do. he doubled back. parked on the almost deserted street and went inside. the place was an old huge worn out dump. though the owner was friendly and the food decent enough. best of all he was the only diner.

for some reason after lunch he’d walked across the street and into a liquor store where he bought a carton of camel lights. eddie had been chain smoking them ever since.

from stockton he’d driven straight through to winnemucca, nevada stopping only for gas. he spent the night at the winner’s hotel casino and walking the streets of winnemucca while avoiding the cat houses. a sleepy casino was one thing but the houses were another. a sure fire way of being spotted. instead, he ate a delicious lamb dinner at an old basque hotel before retiring for the night. he was up early and back on the road again before 7. an overnight rain had left the roads shimmering in the early morning sun.

so, here he was in the stockman. elko, nevada. the duke’s old haunt? he was for sure smoking like the duke. two days and six packs of smokes later. jesus. he thought stubbing out a butt and lighting another. what the hell happened? what the hell indeed.

jmh

this first appeared here in july of 2014.

garden orchids

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as you can see we had a rather nice harvest of orchids from our garden. orchids that survive mostly on neglect on our part and their own hardiness. in the warmer months and winter periods of no rain, they get watered once a week. as simple as that. the photos were taken by the brown eyed girl and myself.

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jmh

orchids & light another perspective

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these lovely photos were taken by the brown eyed girl. thanks, sweetie.

jmh

orchids & sunlight

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the brown eyed girl’s kitchen orchids and sunlight.

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jmh

2015-16 college bowl games what to watch

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saddle up and head on out, pilgrims. boy howdy, it’s college football bowl season. that gleeful time of the year when we can OD on college football for around a month or so with games all week long, though the season has turned into that as well. but, hey, who’s counting? this time of year used to mean more to college ball fans. yes, kids i’m going down that road one more time.

when will someone in the hallowed halls of ivy wise up? or what will it take to stop the money mongering madness that has become bowling for dollars? legit questions if you ask me. though obviously no one has or just maybe things would be different. delusional? who me?

ok. so, i’m not running down the entire bowling for dollars TV schedule. that would be pointless. no sane person watches all of them anymore, right? right. why on earth would you even consider that? worse yet why on earth would you even consider buying a ticket to any of the games? i mean come on. though it doesn’t seem to matter because ESPN or FOX have deep pockets and have shelled out the bazillions needed to secure said TV rights.

the big games in january pay the big bucks to the schools, read conferences, lucky enough to be included in the very exclusive bowling for dollars country club. the podunk bowls make chump change but the teams playing in them get the extra practice the not so lucky don’t get. extra practice gets head coaches, offensive co-ordinators and defensive co-ordinators all hot and bothered.

the problem is, the players. trying to get them motivated may or may not happen. they’re kids after all. most of em would rather be chasing skirts, drinking, doing drugs, stealing cars, robbing fellow classmates, or just being very stupid. maybe only one of those things or a combination of some or even all of them. for some reason some kids think a felony enhances their chances on going to the big leagues. alright i’ll stop.

in case you haven’t figured it out this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. so, on to some of the games.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12-19 royal purple las vegas bowl. byu vs utah. once again las vegas gets a shot at hosting a bunch of folks from utah with the hope they all get crazy. what happens in vegas stays in vegas. none the less, a game i’ll probably try to watch. there are 4 others on the same day. all of which i’ll avoid.

12-23 san diego county credit union poinsettia bowl. boise st vs northern illinois. possibly a nice way to spend some time in front of the TV and forget about the upcoming christmas day hurricane.

12-24 hawaii bowl. a short and sweet title nothing like the previous game. san diego st vs cincinnati. another possibility as san diego st can be fun to watch. the calm before the storm.

12-26 sun bowl. u miami vs washington st. i picked this one for the simple reason mike leach gets a trip back to texas with a decent cougar squad. perhaps the game will get him a few more recruits. if so, watch out PAC(8)(10)12.

12-26 foster farms bowl. ucla vs nebraska. this ought to be a fun game to watch. at least on paper. along with the hope both teams show up. and coach riles gets a shot at taking down an old PAC rival.

12-30 holiday bowl. usc vs wisconsin. these two teams have not played one another since 1956. all the more reason to watch this game.

1-1 rose bowl. stanford vs iowa. yes, of course, the granddaddy of them all. an old school PAC vs BIG 10 game. regardless of who shows up it tends to make for an interesting afternoon here in the land of lalas.

1-2 valero alamo bowl. oregon vs tcu. with the ducks finally latching on to a defense late in the year they get a shot at the bowling for dollars thing. the score board fireworks alone are enough to make this one a keeper.

1-11 national championship game. some of the more astute among you have probably realized i’ve left a number of games off the table. the simple reason being i have no interest in them. yes, even the playoff games. that would even include this game. a game i have never watched not even back in the BCS days. i just don’t care so there isn’t any reason to even DVR the commercial fest. a commercial fest is putting it mildly.
instead of watching this game take the wife out to dinner. or hitchhike to tijuana. or find a nice comfy barrel and hit niagra falls. get the picture? avoid this game.

at the risk of offending someone else let me be, hopefully, among the first to wish you a very merry christmas and a healthy and prosperous new year as well. hanukkah has already begun so i’m probably not anywhere near the first to wish anyone a very happy hanukkah. which is fine i suppose. none the less, happy hanukkah.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 14 college football picks & predictions

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welcome to part 2, and the beginning of the college football play-offs selection showdown. re-makes in general usually leave a lot to be desired. part 1 left plenty on the table and riled up any number of folks. can they get it right this time around? probably not but only time tells and we have about a week to see what shakes out. i’m not holding my breath.

but first we need to get through this coming saturdays slate of championship games. i’m only interested in two of the games. plan and simple. the rest of the games, meh.

as always, this is for entertainment purposes only. to view it otherwise would be stupid on many levels.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12-5 stanford @ usc. the PAC(8)(10)12 championship game. the trees make their annual appearance, or so it seems. while usc plodded through the year with plenty of ups and downs, which included the sarks public meltdown, before meeting the bruins to see who would end up here. truthfully, i didn’t give either team much of a chance at beating the trees in this game. however, after the golden domers almost took the cardinal out on saturday i’ve changed my mind. the trojans have a very good shot at taking the trees down. of course, they have to play as well and probably even better than they did against the bruins. a game where they never let up and a stellar defense drove the game home. let’s do this trojans. FIGHT ON!!!

12-5 michigan st @ iowa. the BIG(10)12 championship game. the iowa hawkeyes made it to 12 and 0 this year. something they’ve never done before. sadly, my departed pops, an iowa native transplanted to california in 1940, missed this historical event by 2 and a half years. though somewhere someplace i’m sure he’s very happy about the hawkeyes season and their chances here. if they win they’re in. simple as that. sure, lots of haters out there but once again what’s that word i’m looking for? ah, yes…meh. let’s run the table hawkeyes and make it a perfect season. one for the ages and one for my pops.

the brown eyed girl and i are off to vegas until game day. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 13 college football picks & predictions

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week 12 was fairly interesting with the final demise of my pre-season favorite, utah, along with ohio st’s baffling loss. although the only game i sat through was ucla @ utah. this week is rivalry week or it used to be. there’re still some rivalry games being played this week but back in the day there were many more.

the championship playoff poll should be interesting this week. though the only one worth a damn is the last one and perhaps they’ll get it right but probably not. for my money, bama should fall a couple of slots for playing and wiping the floor with the FCS powerhouse, mother theresa auto mechanic tech, in the middle of november. shame on you, coach satan. get real. like that’s gonna happen.

the only game i have any interest in this week is the one below.

as always, this is for mostly irreverent entertainment purposes only. simple as that.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-28 ucla @ usc. lotus land’s crosstown rivalry. a years worth of bragging rights in the city of lost angels. generally speaking this is a very good game even if either school hasn’t been playing well. the game looms large for the bruins as a win puts them into the PAC(8)(10)12 championship game. but guess what? the trojans are riding in the same boat. though ucla is coming in after a tough win against the utes. usc, on the other hand, got rolled over by the ducks who’ve suddenly stumbled upon a defense. a good thing but with a number of losses too late to really matter. ESPN has the trojans, on paper, as the team to beat, 65% to 35%. a home field advantage for the trojans could prove vital. if the weather humps are right the weather should actually be fall like here saturday afternoon. the winner? either way this year. but maybe an edge goes to usc.

happy thanksgiving. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 12 college football picks & predictions

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I had planned on taking the week off since utah has hit the skids. oh well. then i realized it was time for alabama to take a week off and add a win to the column by playing their usual road kill FCS school the 3rd week of november. what the fuck is up with that? am i the only person outraged by this insanity? apparently. just another reason college football leaves a bad taste in my mouth these days.

this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. nothing less.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-20 air force @ boise st. this might be a fun one to watch. ok. at least it probably would have been back in say several years ago. one can hope it still might be fun to watch.

11-21 ucla @ utah. some one will win this game and help out their record as well. who will it be? since they both lost last week and it’s on home turf for the utes, i have to go with utah.

11-21 usc @ oregon. sadly someone has to lose this one. hopefully, it isn’t raining. good luck trojans.

yeah, that’s it kids. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 11 college football picks & predictions

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the best thing about week 10 was the fact memphis was finally exposed as an FCS team. however, there are still some schools on the same boat with a few weeks left in the season to expose them as well or at least that’s my hope. it should be yours as well.

not much in the way of game watching this week. i tried but got bored fairly quickly. though the halftime highlights and local TV sports highlights were my highlights of the football saturday. the dumb and decent stuff rolled up into a few minutes of semi fun. i’ll try again this coming saturday and see what shakes out. i won’t be holding my breath.

the college bowl committee polls are a hoot and highlight the obvious east coast bias against the PAC (8)(10)12. just sayin’, pilgrims. highlight, is obviously the secret word for the week. sorry, andy.

only one game this week. and it also should be more than obvious this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. nothing less.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-14 oregon @ stanford. the ducks get a shot at derailing the trees in their hunt for the PAC north title. maybe, just maybe, the duck’s defense will show up for the game and decide to actually want to play defense. simple as that, as they can still put some fairly impressive numbers up on the board. time to shine oregon. git er done. QUACK QUACK!!

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 10 college football picks & predictions

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week 9 was a fun week especially with miami’s 8 lateral game winning touchdown that shouldn’t have counted. a knee was down at one point, kids. none the less, a fun little excursion into something that has all but been forgotten these days in college ball. intramural rugby is another matter entirely.

the above was written very early yesterday morning. since then all the refs have been suspended because a few more reasons for the TD not to count were found. fine. however, some delusional folks seem to think duke should be handed the win. ah, well, crap happens people and always has in sports. deal with it. college football isn’t the politically correct world of youth t-ball or soccer. though not just yet. another 10 years from now it probably will be. but that’s for another time.

with just a few weeks left on the schedule i’ve finally felt like watching some of the games. well, west coast games anyway. thank you PAC 12 network and DISH. that run should continue into this weekend as well.

i have 5 games this week so maybe things are looking up. we’ll see.

once again, the important thing to remember is that this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. nothing less.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-7 iowa @ indiana. indiana probably isn’t as bad as their BIG(10)12 record would indicate. that being said, hopefully the hawkeyes take this seriously and get the win to remain undefeated. it would be nice to see them go all the way and derail ohio st for the year. the buckeyes never were a favorite of mine. i suppose you could blame that on woody hayes. ok, i will.

11-7 ucla @ oregon st. it’s a recurring theme here, the beaves probably aren’t as bad as their PAC record would indicate. see this past saturday’s game against the utes. yeah, there’s some history there between the two head coaches and it may have played a part in the beaves decent showing. this could be a close game given the fact colorado gave the bruins all they could handle last week. probably a PAC(8)(10)12 TV network game and one to watch.

11-7 iowa st @ oklahoma. ok. i’m trying my clairvoyant mind meld again and i’m picking the cyclones to mess up the sooners rest of the season as two losses would more than likely end any shot at the Big 12 newly anointed championship game. time to shine cyclones.

11-7 utah @ washington. i watched most of the utes / beaves game last saturday. they handled their comeback from the loss to usc rather well. they didn’t score a billion points like one of the PAC network guys said they would but they did win. a good thing. probably another PAC network game and another one to watch for sure. hopefully, the utes stay the course for the win.

11-7 cal @ oregon. my beloved ducks have fallen on semi hard times this year as the word, defense, seems to have been deemed politically incorrect speech around eugene. they pulled off a minor miracle last week in arizona. thankfully, the game with cal is at home and perhaps that will give them some advantage like in the old days. they may have to put 75 on the board this week and keep cal under 70 for a win. good luck. i hope they do. quack quack!!!

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 9 college football picks & predictions

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week 8 saw the trojans take down my 2015 team of destiny, the utah utes. now that they’re a one loss team their chances of hitting the season ending lotto have grown vaguely slim. given east coast bias and the fact that while catching a couple of minutes of the ohio st game the talking heads made a point of how amazed they were that utah was even a top ten team. yes of course, how lame of you. typical. no one with an ounce of sense cares what you think.

the games would be better if the announcers weren’t even there. just the cameras, some crowd noise and on the field noise would suit me just fine. at this point, i don’t need any over paid has been telling me what i’m watching on my TV.

at any rate, i’m amazed that temple, duke and memphis, all of which are top 25 teams, can even be considered FBS schools. there are others as well in the top 25 but those three more than make my point.

remember this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. nothing less.

what can you say about the state of college football when in week 9 of the season i can only find one game i have any interest in watching? sad but true and something that’s been brewing around here for a few years.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-31 usc @ cal. last week the bruins hopefully got back on track by putting a nail in cal’s coffin for the season. the men of troy also seemingly maybe got back on track by raining on the ute’s bandwagon parade. the hope this week is the trojans put the final nail into the bear’s coffin so they drift off to their historical past with a november swoon into the bowels of mediocrity.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 8 college football picks & predictions

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my clairvoyant mind meld tip on iowa st didn’t work out last week. i wasn’t even close. so, this week i’m trying again. i figure utah will end up being the tcu of the 2015-16 bowl season even after going undefeated and stunning the trees to win the PAC(8)(10)12 title. there’s always a school who loses out due to some weirdness, bias or insanity that the bowl season has become. of course, only time will tell.

as always, this is for entertainment purposes only along with an irreverent look at this weeks college football games. well, only two this week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-22 cal @ ucla. the bruins took a thumping from the trees last week who seem to be on a path, once again, to rein in the PAC north title. instead of bitching about the bruin’s schedule coach mora probably should have concentrated on coaching and getting the kids ready for the game. this week it’s a week night game at the rose bowl. my tip for this game is, avoid the 210 freeway like the plague. the bruins take another whipping on thursday from cal of all people.

10-24 utah @ usc. getting rid of the sark didn’t help the trojans much in golden domerville. then again pat haden going down before the game probably didn’t either. sc doesn’t seem to be able to catch a break. this week will be no different when the utes hit lotus land. the utah bandwagon rolls on.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

usc, the sark, the huskies and a whole bunch of alleged stuff

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8-30 fresno st @ usc. usc favored by 21.5 points. the sark is back in trojan land. as i stated at the end of last year it’s sort of a head scratcher and it still is. but, hey, at least the conversation i had in an upscale beverly hills bar with a seattle based medical malpractice attorney hasn’t come true. yet. an interesting conversation to be sure. but one i’ll keep close to the vest and let TMZ or E! ferret it out. if it’s even true. lawyers don’t lie and make up stories, do they? on a side note, i hope cajun ed o lands another head coaching job soon. he deserves another shot. ok. the game. the bulldogs got shellacked last year by the trojans in what figured to be a close game. it wasn’t as coach o had the trojans cranked up. plenty of points. let’s see if AD haden made a good pick in the sark. i’m taking the trojans to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!!!

the above appeared here originally on 8-22-14. it was week one of the college football season.

apparently the sark has had any number of problems all along. even back in his university of washington days. i hope he gets the help he needs then moves on to his next coaching position. hopefully, pat haden moves along as well.

why do i say that? because the conversation i had with the seattle medical malpractice attorney in january of 2014 over drinks in that bar did actually happen. it started off with the two of us at the bar talking college football with the bartender. at one point our college ball chat turned to the sark and his hire by usc. I told him i thought it was a dumb move. the attorney laughed and then proceeded to tell me about the sark rumor running rampant up in seattle. the bartender got busy and wasn’t around when the story unfolded.

of course, it was just a rumor, innuendo or hearsay apparently as TMZ never got wind of it. if the story is true then the cover up was a pretty darn good one. what story you ask?

allegedly the university of washington wanted the sark gone for some sort of un-seemingly conduct unbecoming a married man with an alleged huskie cheerleader. allegedly a pregnancy was involved. so, along comes the good ole boy trojan network who happen to be looking for a new head coach. they already have a fine interim head coach in ed ‘the cajun’ o. who was loved pretty much by everyone especially the players. a good thing.

let’s just say that pat haden allegedly along with the trojan alum and boosters were willing to help a fellow trojan out of his jam. allegedly they paid off the sarks getting out of seattle part of his contract. then apparently and allegedly they paid off said cheerleader to keep her mouth shut. it must have been plenty as so far it’s working. all in order to help a fellow trojan out. they toss ed o under the bus and hire the sark. who probably told all involved he would be a good boy and not cause anymore trouble. sure.

i mean it all sorta makes sense in hind sight considering what’s gone down with the sark since he came back to lala land and began his sad semi swift swirl down the drain. sad indeed. like i said earlier, sark, get some help then please move along and take the guy who allegedly worked the seattle deal out with you. yes, pat, that allegedly would be you.

as for the deans, regents and assorted trustees of usc let’s just stop the madness. right here. right now. no mas. yes, it’s nice to help a brother out at times but something as allegedly shady as this is shouldn’t be happening in or at major universities. um, yeah.
right. what am i thinking?

jmh

2015 week 7 college football picks & predictions

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we hit mid season this week or something very close to it. utah is still riding high and for those that missed it, they’ve been my PAC 12 team to win it all this season since their win at the las vegas bowl last december. here’s hoping they continue their undefeated run. only five games this week. i could have added others but why? mostly because i have no interest. bama and a&m? florida lsu? i don’t think so.

always remember this is for irreverent and at times irrelevant entertainment purposes only. nothing more nothing less. only a fool would take anything seen here and use it as sage gambling advice.

i did manage to watch the last four or five minutes of the nebraska wisconsin game last saturday. pretty exciting stuff. nice win for coach riles and the cornhuskers. perhaps more TV to come for me this week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-15 ucla @ stanford. the bruins need a win here to put a stop to their PAC south conference standing hemorrhaging. the trees on the other hand are flying high in the north PAC. at least mora and company get to escape the so far never ending ‘indian summer’ of the southland for a few days. a nice thursday night diversion if you’re of a mind. the first of 2 in a row for the bruins. coach mora isn’t pleased.

10-17 michigan st @ michigan. one of the best rivalries in the nation as it’s consistently year in and year out a good game. harbaugh seems to have things ironed out after big blues opening loss to utah. the defense in particular. home turf make it big blues game to lose.

10-17 tcu @ iowa st. this game is my upset special. it’s another year but once again it’s the cyclones time to shine. sure they’re playing tcu. so? your point? iowa st isn’t going to any post season bowl game. not even some klunker early bowler where 3/4 of the stands are empty. this is their bowl game and time for them to make a statement. this is also for my departed pops although he was more of a hawkeye fan. get some state.

10-17 usc @ notre dame. ( what follows was written yesterday morning. by now you’ve all probably heard the sark was placed on an indefinite leave deal. the only thing i have to say is: why wasn’t coach ed o given the job in the first place? ) on paper the trojans should have a better team than the one that has already lost two games this season. there’s even talk and a poll that suggest the trojan faithful have given up on the sark. from my point of view he was a head scratcher at best when he was hired. the guy that beat him last saturday would have made a bit more sense. as for the poll when i cast my fire him vote there were around 1,300 votes to fire him and a few hundred to keep him. lets just say, if he loses to the irish saturday there will probably be a much bigger spread than the one that’s already there in the poll. good luck, sark, you’re gonna need it. another legendary rivalry game. one i may even watch a portion of.

10-17 arizona st @ utah. this is the beginning of utah’s tough rest of the season foray into the PAC(8)(10)12 belly of the beast south. with some north PAC testers tossed in for good measure. a late afternoon west coast game up against the trojans and irish for TV ownership. that is a tough nut to crack but i’ll be along for the utah TV ride this week as well. after their win last week the utah bandwagon added a few more wagons to their train. they push on again this week for another win.

as we muddle and bumble our way into WWIII…be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 6 college football picks & predictions

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week 5 was somewhat interesting with georgia imploding along with the bruins and several other teams across this once great land. perhaps we’ll see more of that in week 6.  my streak still holds, i haven’t watched anymore than a couple of minutes in passing of any of the games this year. how much longer can i hold out? can i go the entire season never watching any of the games? time tells. though when utah plays the trojans or the bruins that will probably change things.

as the football year heads into cooler weather, at least the nights are here in lotus land. it’s important to remember this is for entertainment purposes only. no points. no spreads. no overs or unders as well. and most of the time not even winners so far. just the irreverent ramblings of a semi sane old retired guy and vietnam veteran.

only two games this week. i may even pick winners this time around. what can i say?

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-8 washington @ usc. as i’m writing this it’s rainy and a bit chilly here in lala land. by this thursday the rains will be gone and the heat will start to ramp up again heading up into the high 90’s by saturday. accompanying the heat will be santa ana winds or as some folks say san tana winds. either way very hot, very dry and very windy. with the early rain maybe the mountains in these parts won’t go up in flames as they’re apt to do this time of year with the combination of the devil winds and assorted pyro fruitcakes wrecking havoc tossed in for good measure. yes, of course, a major veer right off edge of one of the switchbacks heading up into the mountains that make up most of the backdrop here in socal. the game? sure, sc had a week off coming after a nice win against asu. the huskies are pretty much also rans once again. as coach petersen is having a hard time getting his kids to adjust to actually listening to their coach and taking what he’s saying and putting it to some use. like playing div 1 football. usc should have their way with the huskies.

10-10 cal @ utah. is cal really for real? or just another georgia type poser? perhaps, as they’ve won everything up to this point. however, a one point win against a crappy longhorn squad isn’t my idea of anything nearing a quality win. the utes are finally showing up on other folks radar as a contender. espn’s game day is even heading to utah and spending a couple of days and nights in mormon country. boy howdy. stranger things have happened but the bears could possibly maybe might even win though i highly doubt it. things don’t ramp up for the utes for another couple of weeks. utah wins and their bandwagon rolls on collecting more talking heads along the way to their destiny. the big dance at the end of the season. i’ve been on said wagon since their 2014 vegas bowl win.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 5 picks & predictions

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college football week 5 hits TVs across the land with a schedule not un-similar to the previous four weeks. slim pick-ins. i don’t think things will get interesting until probably sometime in november. then there’s also the fact bama has fractured spleen state on the books as a pretend bye week in late november. but maybe by then it will be too late for them. one can only hope.

four games this week. i could have added a couple of others but why? once again entertainment reigns supreme here or what passes for anyway. no points. no lines. and possibly no picks as well.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-3 mississippi st @ texas a&m. the aggies are lucky this is a homer for them. it should be a close game and they may even win. but probably not.

10-3 arizona @ stanford. this is the trees game to lose. the wildcats haven’t been able to beat anyone other than road kill so far this season.

10-3 arizona st @ ucla. the bruins are rolling right along and seem to be for real. just like utah. i actually watched a few minutes of the ucla game last week. plus, i’m looking forward to their game with utah and usc. at any rate, state is only so so this year. ucla rolls on. i hope this will be another night game as it’s still way too hot for noon time football here in the land of the lotus people.

10-3 alabama @ georgia. georgia just might be the favorite by game time this week. hopefully, that extrapolates into a win over the tide.

10-3 notre dame @ clemson. it’s too bad the pope couldn’t stick around and sit on the bench with touchdown jesus this week. he could have probably even suited up as i’m sure he’s still has some eligibility left. the domers are probably going to wish he had. trouble brewing for the irish.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 4 college football picks & predictions

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welcome to week 4 of the 2015 college football season. just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do. what is going on here? the buckeyes are playing the wheels fell off my skateboard tech and bama is playing JFK it’s a conspiracy state. all of this going on in week 4. WTF!! to be fair they aren’t the only ones still on the pad my wins bandwagon. a bandwagon that’s gotten completely out of hand. yes, it’s become my mantra. it should be yours as well.

ok. so, of the vast number of games this week in the FBS world i could only find 4 games worth a hoot or something i may or may not even watch. though this could be the week i actually do watch a game. the jury is still out.

what i do have are 7 west coast or sorta west coast teams and one from the midwest. six of the teams are PAC(8)(10)12 schools. yeah, i’m a homer but regular readers already know that. what can i say?

once again there are no lines, points or anything else to get in the way. perhaps not even picking a winner. though that is kinda like kids soccer or t-ball these days. ah, well, sue me.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-26 byu @ michigan. byu appears to be for real this season even with their loss to the bruins last week. good luck big blue.

9-26 ucla @ arizona. the wildcats ran over some road kill 3 or 4 times last week. the bruins on the other hand actually played some football.

9-26 usc @ arizona st. the sun devils had some trouble with 2 chump change state teams the past two weeks. while the men of troy blew another one against the trees. this one isn’t that interesting anymore.

9-26 utah @ oregon. the ducks had a week off. maybe they even went shopping for a defense. however, they can put some points on the board. the utes do have a defense to go along with an offense. if utah can pull off a win here they’ll be well on their way to causing major mayhem in the PAC south and north. good for them. get some utes.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 2 college football picks & predictions

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week 2, as usual, is pretty much a repeat of week 1. the sisters of the poor and road kill tech are still getting some face time up against far superior teams. maybe the season should be started 2 weeks later and let the kids practice more those 2 weeks. i just don’t get what playing the 7-11 slurpees a&m does for anybody other than large amounts of cash being tossed around and up for grabs. yeah, we did damn good last week. we hung 89 on on pee wee herman rodeo clown tech. boy howdy, we got the offense dialed in now. yup, makes perfect sense don’t it?

i guess the point being is it’s no easier this week to pick 10 games than it was last week. sure, there are some nice match-ups but…

never forget this is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here as sound betting advice would be shear madness. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. that being said…

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-11 utah st @ utah. easy pick here for another early rivalry game. utah wins.

9-12 oregon st @ michigan. this could be an interesting game.

9-12 iowa @ iowa st. both teams beat road kill last week. i’ve always liked the cyclones at home.

9-12 oklahoma @ tennessee. both squads coming off wins. at least the sooners win wasn’t at the expense of some never-never land league school.

9-12 arizona @ nevada. i like the sun devils and i also like nevada. i might move there some day.

9-12 oregon @ michigan st. oregon rolled up some impressive yardage last week against one of the usual week 1 or 2 suspects. they won despite the fact the ducks defense missed the entire game. the spartans had a similar game as well.

9-12 lsu @ mississippi st. very bad weather saved lsu’s road kill opponent from a possibly severe beating. state had some trouble but prevailed in the end.

9-12 boise st @ byu. boise st couldn’t cover the spread last week and the cougars pulled off a hail mary win.

9-12 ucla @ unlv. the bruins roll out for another win.

9-12 ucf @ stanford. the once mighty trees were humbled by northwestern last week. an omen of things to come?

there it is. i got started on this over the weekend, as i didn’t watch any of the games last week and i probably won’t watch any of them this week as well. i guess i’m pretty much done with college football. or so it seems. i might be back or maybe not. more likely not. greed and stupidity have won the day. the game i used to love? i’m done. adios, pilgrims. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 1 college football picks & predictions

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another year down the tubes. where do they go? but, hey, college football is back. finally. the long lay off is over and with it comes lazy saturdays, TV remote in hand and college football. it doesn’t get much better than that.

the important thing to remember here is that this mess is for entertainment purposes only along with an irreverent look at the game we all love, college football. using anything here as sage betting advise would be monumentally stupid on way too many levels. don’t do it. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. simple as that.

one thing we should all be breathing a sigh of relief over is the fact the NLRB nixed college football players on being able to unionize. yes, thankfully it’s not going to happen. at least not anytime soon or until gloria allred decides it’s time to mess with the NCAA brass big time. my money is on that happening sooner rather than later. once the cosby circus crashes and burns she’ll be looking for other fish to fry. hell, there’s a couple of new lady army rangers these days. title lX, the SEC and a woman wanting to play college ball. count on it. ah, maybe we should all just let that riff fester on it’s own in the dark for the time being.

just like every other year, week 1 finds most schools playing the sisters of the poor or some other variation of the road kill scenario. sure, one of the sad sisters will more than likely pull off a huge upset or at the very least make it to close. way to close for some FBS squad. thus ensuring talking heads telling us it’s ok for the big time schools to schedule these exhibition games against high school JV teams. when will the insanity end? sadly, not anytime soon.

as usual i’m picking 10 games that i have some sort of interest in either watching or in the out come or both. i’m also still using a point spread conglomeration from several different places. the points here may change over the week but what is here is what i use to determine my win/loss record for the week. last year i ended the season with a 52.7% winning record. nothing earth shaking but this isn’t easy especially when your heart gets in the way while making the picks. something the odds makers and vegas count on. steve wynn didn’t get rich giving money away to gamblers.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-3 n. carolina vs s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 3 points. it’s nice to see one of the first kick off games is also an attractive rivalry game. i tend to like these games more at the end of november. however, i’ll take what i can get this week. a semi slim line here. hopefully, the old ball coach and the gamecocks get it together this year and they start today. take s. carolina to win and cover.

9-3 michigan vs utah. utah favored by 5.5 points. the utes return a bunch of starters on offense and defense. they’re my sleeper PAC south team this season. and maybe one of the most under rated teams in the country. jim harbaugh’s first game as big blue’s head coach. along with too much going on in ann arbor or so it seems. utes on home turf and the need to start with a win make this easy. take utah to win and cover.

9-3 tcu vs minnesota. tcu favored by 14.5 points. tcu takes their preseason #2 into gopherland. from what i can figure out the coaching staff is counting on gopher faithful to make enough noise to turn the tide in their favor. ok. sure. yes, they had a few good wins last year. they start this season with a loss. take tcu to win and cover.

9-4 washington vs boise st. boise st favored by 12 points. chris petersen and his the huskies head back to his old home and the blue smurf turf in boise for game 1. i like coach petersen but i like the broncos more. yes, it makes no sense but week 1 is always a crap shoot. take boise st to win and cover.

9-5 virginia vs ucla. ucla favored by 17 points. a big day of football here in lotus land. the bruins at home early in the day the the trojans later. the bruins have played virginia in the opener for several seasons. they haven’t lost yet. no reason to think things will be different this time. take ucla to win and cover the points.

9-5 louisville vs auburn. auburn favored by 10.5 points. auburn at home is probably too much for the cardinals. probably too much even on their home turf. take auburn for win and cover.

9-5 arizona st vs texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 3 points. arizona st a preseason 15 and a 3 point under dog against an unranked a&m squad. go figure. be that as it may and a&m’s home field 3, take arizona st for the win or at the very least to crack the meager point spread.

9-5 texas vs notre dame. notre dame favored by 9.5 points. the domers come in at pre season 11. texas has fallen on hard times. touchdown jesus should prevail. take notre dame to win and cover.

9-5 arkansas st. vs usc. usc favored by 29.5 points. ok. sure. the men of troy play arkie st yet again in game 1. at least they aren’t playing them in the middle of november, coach satan. just saying. on the field the trojans look like contenders for the PAC(8)(10)12 title. said title may come down to the crosstown rivalry game in november with the bruins. time tells. off the field, sark is in a bit more than hot water with alums and big time boosters with his drunken antics at a booster shindig week or so ago. for one thing, it’s probably never a good idea for a head coach of a major FBS school to show up for anything while under the influence. you wanna get blown away? fine. stay home and sit in your basement and stay out of sight. at any rate, there is a possibility this could cost him his job. could there be underlying little head issues vs big head issues here? stay tuned. yes, the game. usc at number 8. hopefully, the sarks weirdness hasn’t rubbed off on the kids. a bunch of points but arkie state is once again, road kill. take usc to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!

9-7 ohio st. vs virginia tech. ohio st favored by 11.5 points. the buckeyes at preseason #1. 3 words on everyone’s mind, can they repeat? if they are they need to start here on the road. i’m taking the buckeyes to win and cover.

there they are. the opening 10 for week 1. all things considered not a bad lot given the rest of the week 1 schedule. plus, it’s labor day weekend. if you actually have a job or are still working it means an extra day off. always a good thing. fire up the barbie and toss on some protein while hoisting a few flagons of dago red along with watching college ball. see you next week. be safe, be semi sane.

jmh

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

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ok. unfortunately i didn’t write this. as to who did write it, i haven’t a clue. i saw it someplace and noticed that it was politically incorrect and nicely written. so, i decided to put it up here in some sort of pissed off at the whole system type thing. if you don’t see the humor in it or the irony…well, then, you’re part of the problem.

jmh

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

President Barack Obama and Democrats in the House and Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

“Of course, all of these newly created jobs will be union jobs, Made in America!” says Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Rep Nancy Pelosi and Senator Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. #$%$ Durbin, IL: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing so.”

jmh

in the hills of beverly

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i’ll begin this epistle with why i’m here. sadly, the browned eye girl is in the hospital again here in BH. her slightly less than a year and a half old new hip fell apart due to several factors, which i’m not going into here. so, this was like her 16th or 17th surgery on that hip. we’ve both lost count. her current surgeon is world class and we’ve been onboard with him for the last 4 surgeries, counting this one. he’s pretty confident that this time around things will be different. so are we but if things can go sideways, the brown eyed girl seems to always be in the crosshairs. prayerfully, things will go her way this time. she is a trooper. and just one of the reasons i love her so much.

all that being said, the surgery went well, though she is in considerable pain at the moment. big time pain meds work, kids. and they aren’t anything to mess with unless under the watchful eye and care of several doctors. she’ll have go to rehab for possibly a week or so but we’ve been down that road before. she’ll be home soon for another 5 or 6 weeks of recovery and then we can start planning our next vegas trip.

as for me, last night i had dinner downstairs in the hotel restaurant. a very nice place and the food is very good. i was in the mood for some comfort food so i ordered spaghetti bolognese. it was outstanding. really good. when i was finished and as i was leaving i asked to speak with the chef. he came out and we chatted. i told him the bolognese was amazing and the best restaurant bolognese i’d ever eaten. but it still wasn’t as good as mine. he got a kick out of that. though i wasn’t kidding. we shook hands again and i went back into the bar.

i’ve stayed at this hotel a number times while the brown eyed girl has been in the hospital, as the place is convenient. with my number of stays i’ve become friends with some of the staff. all the bartenders, of course, and the food and beverage managers. the senior food and beverage guy in particular. we hit it off the first time we met. i’ve come to call him my brother from another grandmother. anyway, i’m sitting at the bar sipping some texas vodka on the rocks and my friend comes by and just like every time we first meet it’s like old home week even if it was last night.

we chat for a while and he says, let’s go sit in the lounge, i want you to meet my boss. i’m like sure ok. we go into the lounge area and his boss comes over. we meet and chat somewhat. nice guy. then he gets right to the point. he’s wondering if i would like to do a bolognese throw down with the chef. i’m like what? sure thing but i need to wait until the brown eyed girl can join me. he’s ok with that. no details as yet but i’ve appointed the brown eyed girl as my agent for the throw down.

so, a beverly hills chef, my friend the food and beverage manager, and me will duke it out some way or another in one of their kitchens and somehow somebody is gonna pick a winner. sweet. i hope they don’t mind losing. i’ll also be doing some recon this evening. i’m having the spaghetti bolognese again.

i wrote the above several days ago. the browned eyed girl has been moved to the acute rehab unit in the hospital and, so far, is doing much better. even with the pain. hopefully, she’ll be home by next weekend.

the bolognese recon went well and i’ll probably do another one this week. the throw down has been tentatively set for sometime in late october.

jmh

workingman’s dead ~ the grateful dead ~

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another dead soldier weekend has rolled around once again. pretty much the only time anybody cares about wartime vets especially WW2, korean and vietnam vets these days. that’s fine as we’re used to it.

when i was in vietnam i asked my parents to send me a reel to reel version of the dead’s ‘workingman’s dead’. one of my all time favorite LPs which sits around mid point in rolling stones top 500 LPs of all time. i have to say i was probably the only person in my platoon that liked the album. after a time when i’d play it i would hear, oh no. not that one again. or some such nonsense. yeah, there’s no accounting for taste or so they say.

the LP first appeared in june of 1970. it’s no longer ‘in print’ but thanks to rhino records you can score a copy if you’re so inclined. they released it in 2003 or so and even added a couple of different versions of some of the songs on the original LP. thanks, rhino, very nice indeed.

the album marks the dead’s new venture into vocal harmonies and a country rock sound with jerry garcia dabbling with the peddle steel guitar. which culminated with jerry garcia and guitarist david nelson’s homage to bakersfield, ca country music with their ‘new riders of the purple sage’ LP in late 1971.

‘working man’s dead’ opens with the studio version of ‘uncle john’s band’ one of my all time favorite dead tunes. it’s a semi country rocker with semi sorta religious overtones. or maybe not. later, on track 15, ‘uncle john’s band’ turns up again in a live version recorded at winterland in oct of 1970. the live version gets the standard dead jam thing going. something for the most part always lovely to behold and listen to.

another stand out cut is the studio version of ‘casey jones’. unfortunately we aren’t treated to a live version of casey ‘high on cocaine driving that train.’

at any rate, the rhino version has 6 live tracks including the already mentioned ‘uncle john’s band’ plus an alternate studio mix of ‘new speedway boogie’. the dead were at their best live. no doubt. sometimes really good or head scratching crappy. it was always a crap shoot.

i had the pleasure of seeing them live a couple of times. once here in socal at the rose palace if i’m not mistaken and once again at the filmore in san francisco. i was in the army at the time and made the trip up from ft ord in monterey. they shared the bill with miles davis who had just released his ‘bitches brew’ LP and the two of them filled the night with some stellar music.

ok. so, it’s dead soldier weekend again. raise a glass to the fallen soldiers of the past and continuing wars. and to all of those who’ve seen war close up. even more so to the vets of the great war, WW2. their ranks shrink and thin at an astounding rate with each passing day. there will come a time soon when they will all be gone. and all but forgotten i’m certain. old soldiers never die. they just fade away.

soldiers after all are just your average workingman doing a job no one else will do.

jmh

desert island tv shows

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we watched the last episode of ‘justified’ last night. it has to be on a great TV show list for sure. elmore leonard was the best. i’ve said it before, he was and is an inspiration to me. rest in peace, elmore. so, i guess that’s what this one is going to be about.  a TV show list. though there’s other stuff crashing through my frazzled brain that needs to come out at some point. perhaps another time.

before i completely go off on some weird tangent or another i suppose i need to get back to the title of this mornings epistle.  desert island tv shows. this has appeared here before. back in july of 2008. just before things got serious with the brown eyed girl and i. after watching the finale of ‘justified’ last night it became apparent that this needed to be trotted out once again with a couple of additions.

i’ve been down this road before music in several blogs, movies and books.  why not tv shows?  they are for the most part all out there on dvds these days so i may as well. at my advanced time on the planet i’ve seen a few more tv shows than a great number of you folks.  well, unless you are around my age.  i’ve been watching tv longer than a large number of you have even been around to watch tv.  we got our first tv, a packard bell black and white number in 1950.  i was 2 years old. 

yeah, i’ve seen me some tv that’s for sure. the problem being i’ve seen so much tv it’s really really hard to pare the list down to even 20 tv shows i’d drag out to the island along with all the other stuff, books, movies, and music.  plus the surfboard and swim fin.  plus the vino and chinese beer.  oh, yeah, and a case or two of abslout vodka.  i’m still trying to score some sort of gig with them.  is anybody listening? after all these years obviously not.

i don’t watch as much tv as i used to.  so the list is pretty much top heavy with stuff maybe you haven’t even heard of.  though i’m sure it will or they will ring bells for the older ones in the peanut gallery. i’ve got 30 on the list.  to put them in any sort of numerical order descending from number 1 to the last one would probably take me hours or days to muddle through and the only thing to come out of that toil and trouble would probably be another 30 or so old tv shows.  get the picture?  perhaps. so here they are in no particular order other than the way they jumped into my head and i wrote them down.

the adventures of ozzie and harriet- one of my faves.  it’s top 10 for sure but there must be 20 in the top 10 as it is.  ozzie nelson was probably a genius.  plus very funny.  then there’s ricky.  more to come on this but later.

the lone ranger- great western show.  i used to work with a guy who was clayton moore’s stunt double for the feature length movie of the same name. he also did a bunch of other stunt double work as well.

adventures of wild bill hickock- childhood memories of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich here.

maverick- they jumped around with the maverick bros and cousin in this one.  i’m talking the james garner mavericks.

77 sunset strip- a friday night mainstay for a number of years.  along with the friday night fights brought to you by gillette. who could ever forget heavyweight fighter, scrap iron johnson?  this is a twofer.  lucky you.

have gun will travel- great show.  understated, dark and brooding.

wanted: dead or alive- steve mcqueen.  nuff said.

the jackie gleason show- another comic genius and a great show.

the red skelton show- either one.  the half hour show or the hour show.  wonderful stuff.

combat- vic morrow. the marlon brando of tv land.

the rockford files- james garner again. edgy pi show in 70’s l.a.  for the most part very good stuff.

bob newhart- any of his numerous shows.  another comic genius.

steve allen’s westinghouse show- late night every night but i could only manage to watch it on friday night.  brilliant stuff plus the jazz greats of long ago.  it didn’t get much better.

the a team-  yes, what can i say other than george peppard was a very good actor.  anybody remember ‘breakfast at tiffany’s’?  another nuff said.

miami vice- pastels and no socks. plus an edge. the sopranos- maybe the best show ever.

monk- good stuff though he’s sorta wearing thin these days.  first four years were stellar.

the deadliest catch- if you haven’t watched this one you really should.  a white knuckle ride for sure.

magnum, pi- this one is top 5 all-time.

columbo- peter falk.

laugh-in – probably a bit dated these days due to the topical humor but good stuff.

the smothers bros- funny stuff plus hot rock ‘n’ roll acts.

the avengers- the first one with patrick macnee and diana rigg.

the prisoner- perhaps the strangest show ever to hit the tv airwaves.  top 10 for sure.

the man from u.n.c.l.e.- great cold war angst.

i, spy- more cold war angst.  robert culp. what could go wrong?  i got a ‘d’ in a chemistry class while going to college.  i had the class on monday night.  all i wanted was for the damn class to be over so i could scream down the hill and catch whatever i could of this show.

navy log- if only for the lovely hymn sung at the beginning and end of this ww2 show.

victory at sea- ww2 brought to your living room in living black and white.

seinfeld- what can i say?

bosch- the amazon TV production of the michael connelly’s harry bosch books. outstanding reading and an all time great TV show. a top 5 for sure.

justified- of course. if you didn’t watch it you missed something grand. elmore leonard at his best and final work. another top 5 for sure.

during the current edit i’ve added:

married with children. i don’t know how this one slipped my mind.

yes, the top 5 has been tossed around so, here it is.
1. the sopranos.
2. justified.
3. the rockford files.
4. magnum, pi.
5. bosch.

that’s it kids.  you all have your faves and these are just some of mine.  feel free to comment and add your own.  i know it’s only old tv but i like it, like it. yes, i do.

jmh

armed and dangerous

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it’s not quite mid march but you’d never know it by the weather outside. the devil winds are howling and record high temps are expected to fall over the weekend. just another year in the lingering california drought. with it being so hot and with the skin crawling santa ana winds blowing it reminds me of a time back in the mid 1980s. when one savage beast had southern california curling up with loaded shotguns at night. the beast being, richard ramirez, or more commonly known as, ‘the night stalker’.

over the years southern california has had it’s share of deranged murders and serial killers. a genuine motley crew of bat shit wackos and satan wannabes. hell, the whole state for that matter especially when you toss in the zodiac killer from up in the bay area. i digress.

the night stalker began his reign of terror in the spring of 1984. by the summer of 1985 the land of the lotus was in a downright semi siege mentality. myself included. it seemed as if the night stalker was striking at least once a week. from one bucolic suburb to another. another family or couple murdered while they slept. or murdered while the mate was made to watch. the night stalker made charlie manson and his gang seem almost tame. charlie after all had a beach boy as a friend. but he still had murderous mayhem in his heart.

as the summer of the stalker plodded on for sometime it became more apparent that local cops all over the southland were pretty much clueless as to what the hell was going on. hence, sleeping with a weapon became the norm to anyone with an ounce of sense. especially for those of us who weren’t about to give up sleeping with a window or door open no matter what insanity was befalling the various communities.

at the time, i had a winchester defender which i kept fully loaded and in bed with me. not the first time that had occurred. in vietnam a loaded M-16 and two hundred rounds of ammo were always at my bedside. one never knew when insanity would hit the fan and running around looking for a weapon was not an option. ever. at any rate, before hitting the sack that summer with the shotgun i’d set up trip wires to various homemade early warning devices. making sure they were loud enough to wake me up. not that a really sound sleep was going to happen. regardless.

eventually the police got a fairly decent description of the stalker from those who had survived his rampage and his police sketch was plastered all over the TV 24/7. on arriving back to socal from one of his bus trips to his home state of texas a few street vatos recognized him and kicked the crap out of him while the cops were being called. sadly, they were unable to finish the job before the cops arrived. he was, of course, convicted and sent to death row where he would still be living today if he hadn’t died of cancer back in 2013. karma is a bitch. and also very handy at times. yes of course, the hand wringers among us here in the great state of chaos got the death penalty squashed a while back. making karma our only hope for any retribution when it comes to murderers. be they be simple run of the mill types or straight from the bowels of hell types.

the record breaking march heat, wind and drought brought back the dread of that long ago but never to be forgotten socal summer. vivid memories of tossing and turning searching for slumber and peace.

further inspiration provided by today’s Power Plant Men blog, “Lizzie Bordan meets Power Plant Man”.

jmh

TV binge watching

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the brown eyed girl and i spent a good deal of time in front of the TV binging away yesterday. we may do so again today. or at least i hope so. the point of our binge was amazon’s new TV show “bosch”. i’d been wanting to watch it since i’d first read about it. as i’ve been a huge fan of michael connelly’s harry bosch books since i first discovered them back in the early 90s. so much so a fan that i’ve read his bosch books at least three times each. yeah, you read that right. there aren’t too many contemporary authors i enjoy more other than perhaps, james ellroy, charles bukowski, hunter thompson and elmore leonard. i’m sure all five have had a major influence in the writing style. one way or another.

anyway, the brown eyed girl figured out our TV was amazon capable and she figured out how to make it happen. it took some time but she managed to figure it out. me? i probably wouldn’t have been able to. that pesky getting old gene and new techno stuff just don’t mix at times. at least for me.

so, we watched four episodes one after the other yesterday. amazing TV and i’m so happy harry is finally on the screen in whatever form. so is the brown eyed girl who had never read any of michael’s books before. yeah, it’s that good. 5 stars good. well worth whatever effort it takes to see amazon’s new “bosch” TV series.

michael connelly is the executive producer and one of the writers.

jmh

LD(C)DS

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in order to bring something new to the table and get chinanski off the front burner i’m tossing this in to replace it. don’t get me wrong, i dearly love me some chinanski. but it’s time to move along here. this piece could probably be considered for mature audiences only. or immature audiences only. far be it for me to judge. yeah, right. you’ve been warned.

they call him, ‘little dick’, although, of course, not to his face. that would probably be stupid. the little dick moniker was a result of him owning a pick-up truck. not your run of the mill off the lot pick-up but one of those, let’s see just how really stupid we can make this ride, kind of pick-ups. jack it up to the point that even a normal size person would need a step stool or small ladder to get into the cab. then tack on some huge rims and tires and a winch on the front bumper and you had your classic ‘little dick’ ride. a sort of money pit for vehicles. and a totally useless piece of gas guzzling crap. why anyone would do that to a perfectly good pick-up truck never made any sense to me. other than the fact they all have little dicks and seem to need to make some sort of amends for their short comings as it were. or something.

why indeed? any rate, all the little dicks would say it was for off roading or some such utter nonsense. nonsense because for the most part the bottom half of the frame stays pretty much where it has always been even after thousands of dollars had been spent raising the truck to absurd levels. at any rate, there are any number of little dick trucks out on the road at any time. loud rumbling monsters more suited for something other than a quick trip out for a loaf of bread. however, suited for what is the question.

certainly not as a babe magnet. to even think such would be insane. let’s just say for example, you have a date with heidi klum or jennifer lawrence. fine. you roll up to pick them up in your little dick ride. ah, yes. the date is over before it even began. point. set. match.

another odd thing about little dick trucks, or maybe not, is the fact you rarely see anyone else in the thing other than the said little dick owner. yeah, sometimes maybe some other guy riding shotgun. obviously some other little dick with little money and just riding along for the vicarious feeling that maybe this will make his dick bigger as well. this also falls under, wishful thinking.

it’s a rare thing to see a female passenger in a little dick truck. very rare. and i’m guessing that’s probably for the all too obvious reasons. that being said, you often see women or girls or females driving their own little dick trucks. however, in their equally sad case they are known as, little clits. this doesn’t occur as often as the guy little dick thing but still it happens. little clits are out there none the less. make no mistake. you also don’t see many passengers riding along with the little clits other than maybe some other little clit or perhaps some little dick. what’s the saying? birds of a feather flock together or fuck together.

ok. so, the purpose of this missive has been to bring attention to the all to prevalent, LD(C)DS, little dick deficit syndrome and it’s sister, little clit deficit syndrome. you can make a game of it if you wish. when you’re out and about with the family the first person to see a LD(C)DS and call out ‘little dick or little clit’ scores a point. whoever has the most points by the time you get to where you’re going wins. pretty simple really.

perhaps a telethon is in order. maybe john travlota and tom cruise as co-hosts.

jmh

the play

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this originally appeared at my other wordpress site on january 1 of this year. it’s here now just to see what happens. jmh

his eyes ached and itched. he had been at it since 10pm. it was now well after 4am. the only things he had accomplished were to adjust the drapes several times along with the candles. which were the only illumination in the otherwise dark room. paper and pen. typewriter and paper. and computer had gone untouched other than the occasional tap of his fingers on one or more of them. he sighed and slid further down in his chair. a few moments later he was asleep.

the sun was out as were the blue jays. who were well into their morning foraging with their unmistakeable squawks coming in somewhere just beneath his sleeping conscience. the candles were out in a pool of their own wax. a breeze rustled the drapes. as the phone on his desk rang he stirred in his sleep only slightly aware of it’s ringing. the phone. the ringing. now almost awake he cursed under his breath.

finding the phone he cursed again. why had he agreed to have one of them was something he never fully understood.

‘yeah? what?’

‘bill?’

‘who else maury.’

‘ok. i never know who’s going to answer when i call you. you know your aversion to the phone and all.’

‘hmmm. yeah, i suppose. though i tossed everyone out rather early last night. you know work and all.’

‘yes, exactly why i’m calling. how’s it going? any progress?’

‘progress? ah…yeah…i tossed everyone out last night. early. then i spent the night here at my desk.

‘writing?’

‘mmm. not really writing. thinking about writing mostly. i did have everything i needed close at hand though.’

at that point in the conversation a blue jay began creating a racket on a the window ledge.

‘look maury i need to deal with henry. i’ll call you back.’

‘henry, the bird?’

‘yeah. i’ll get back to you.’

he hung up and went to the window.

‘good morning, henry. sorry about the drapes. let me move them out of your way.’

the man moved the drapes and a squawking blue jay flew into the room and landed on his desk. the jay stood on a piece of paper and stared at the man.

‘ah, good. the paper. perhaps you’re housebroken after all. excellent.’

he went to his desk and sat in his chair while opening a drawer. the blue jay moved closer and he made a deposit on the desk.

‘well so much for housebroken. where’s lady?’

the jay squawked a reply.

‘i see. out doing other things this morning. fine. here you go my little friend.’

he scattered some unsalted peanuts in the shell on the desk top. henry the jay made a bee line to the closest nuts. he poked at one until he got it open then he ate it. he did the same to several others. the man tapped the desk with his index finger. looking up at him the bird walked over and put its head down.

‘yes yes, my little friend.’

he began to gently ruffle the jays feathers on it’s head. the bird closed his eyes and settled in to the attention. it had taken weeks for bill to get the blue jay to come inside the house after days of feeding the bird peanuts out in the yard. actually the pair of birds. husband and wife as it were. both would come inside now for the nuts and a bit of petting. which had taken even more time and patience to accomplish. the petting went on for a few minutes before bill spoke again.

‘ok. henry. i’m in no mood for our next adventure today. we’ll work on our trick again tomorrow. i have things to do today. you grab a few nuts while i visit the loo.’

after one last pet, bill got up and left the room. henry shook out his feathers and grabbed a nut in his beak. then proceeded to fly out the window with it. he returned a minute or so later and grabbed another. henry repeated this a few times until he was satisfied. at least for the time being. bill returned to the room with a damp piece of toilet paper and cleaned up the desk. the analogy wasn’t wasted on the man. after he swept the peanuts back into the drawer he closed the window and opened the other drapes.

sighing bill went back to his desk and dialed maury’s number.

‘good morning. maurice wienstein and associates. how may i help you?’

‘morning, anne. how’s it going? is the man still there?’

‘morning, bill. all is well. yep, i’ll put him on for you.’

‘good. how about drinks later in the week?’

‘ah, ok. i’ll let you know. i’ll put maury on now.’

‘thanks. talk to you later.’

‘bill? the birdman of sherman oaks. i’m honored.’

‘jesus. cut me some slack, maury. i’ve put a lot of time into those birds and well…’

‘you know, bill, a little more time hammering something out would be nice as well. time is tight. the season starts again in three months. it would be especially nice if i could hand the producers a completed script. soon. i might add it would be a win win for both of us. along with money in the bank for unsalted peanuts.’

‘you’re just jealous.’

‘and how many times have i asked you not to date my help?’

‘jealous once again. i’ve lost count. and drinks aren’t dates. we agreed to that long ago. remember?’

‘one of the dumber things i’ve agreed to in my life. did we get it in writing? ah, crap. never mind. so, do you even have an inkling of an idea? perhaps even a germ that’s sprouted something or another? anything at all since we last spoke? what last thursday? you’ve had all weekend.’

‘sprouting idea germs? good one, maury. i may eventually use that one.’

‘yes, please use it. just use something anything and get it on paper or in the computer and give it to me. getting you to write something is not the easiest thing in the world to do.’

‘tell me about it.’

‘i’m your agent not your mother. if it weren’t for the fact you have one of the best track records going i’d have moved on to other writers long ago, bill.’

‘yes. yes. yes. maury, the same old song and dance man. i’m only as good as my last…’

‘look. bill. the sand in the glass has about run out. they need something soon. very soon. or they’ll be looking elsewhere. sure it won’t be up to your standards but what is? the point being, they will have a play to produce and perform. capisco?’

‘yeah. i know. ah, shit. alright. i may have something. an idea. want to hear it?’

‘yes. please. continue.’

‘alright. there’s this guy. a politician. a minor one. a hack not really going anywhere. not real bright but interesting in a hail fellow well met kinda way. babes like him and men too.’

‘ok. maybe. what else?’

‘ah, his old lady. she’s the balls and brains of the outfit. a real harridan. she prods him into doing stuff so they can move up the political ladder. ah, sorta engineers him into doing whatever it takes. mostly murder, i guess. not sure just yet.’

‘i like it. yes. not last years romantic comedy either. yes. ok. when will we have it, bill?’

‘soon. it…it…it’s coming together. i’ll get it done. no screwing around until it’s finished. count on it.’

‘fine. let me know when it’s done.’

‘sure, maury. talk to you soon.’

bill hung up the phone then noticed henry and lady out on the window ledge.

‘sorry, kids. not now. work to be done.’

bill sat at his desk and typed on the computer. he had the title. macbeth by william shakespeare. the seed had germinated. the rest would come easy.

jmh

oh tannenbaum or a christmas tale (updated)

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 i want to thank all of you who read this poem.  the poem isn’t about my christmas this year.  it concerns my christmas in vietnam during the war and the cutting down of a small pine tree at the beach.   i also wrote about it a few years ago using prose.  it’s back there in the vault somewhere.  i wanted to present the scenario in a different way this year.

at any rate,  this minor adventure is never far from my thoughts at this time.   it’s just one of those life things.  i hope you all take the time to remember those in the military and those of us who are less fortunate this christmas. 

i wish you all a wonderful and peaceful christmas and a very happy new year. thanks, again, to all of my readers.

jmh

 

mosquito dreams
slip through
the seams
christmas time
all isn’t sublime
hopes hang
then falter
nothing can alter
the dim hopes
the sad schemes
all slip and
slide in between
reality it seems
trumps those
our dreams
with more
sad silent
screams.

visions of a tree
frightful and small
scrawny and tawdry
ready to fall
vainly to bring
hope for us all
out on a limb
a viper does crawl
slippery silver
death kneel after all
three colts bark
staccato
viper shashimi
before it falls
while the tree
grows new life
it saddens
us all.

jmh

from december 2008 all rights reserved. tipping is optional.

2014 – 15 college football bowl games

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yes, it’s bowl season once again. the tried and true template of post college football season insanity. psst, hey, mister, you want to buy cirque de soil tractor bowl tickets? cheap. ah yes, the clarion call of hucksters far and wide. the make it rain cash cow for everyone involved. that is of course, if you were lucky enough to be invited. no invite? no tickee? no laundry. no money. no nothing. better luck next year. now out of my way, son, i have huckstering to do.

have you ever noticed the half empty stadiums in the early bowls? hell, even some of the later ones as well. TV tries it’s best not to show you that sort of thing but with over 3 or 4 hours of air time it is hard not to catch whole sections of unsold seats at least once or twice during the game. these boondoggle bowl committees struggle along for a few years until they can con some other corporate sponsor into ponying up the cold hard cash for the opportunity to put their name on said turkey bowl. then the TV guys take over and pretend like it’s some brand new bowl instead of a sad cheap re-tread that’s gonna have a blow-out before it hits freeway speeds. the other now dead bowl is tossed on the trash heap of NCAA history. next!!!

we saw something very similar to the above with the PAC 12 championship game. empty seats. tons of them. neutral site games probably need to go away. how can any fan be stupid enough to spend the cash on a neutral site league championship game, a round one game, then maybe the final game? lots of traveling involved along with insane checkbook math, kids. but i guess no one cares because the TV money is so good. hey, let’s add another 4 teams to the mess.

it is just plain hard to work up any desire to sit through bowl games anymore. even if it’s just a TV game at home with a clean private restroom close by and pretty much whatever you want to eat and drink close at hand as well. plus, at prices far below what the hucksters demand. let alone buy a ticket and travel to some lack luster burg and sit on some cold hard plastic seat for four hours wondering if you locked the crappy safe in your hotel room when you left said hotel. say, did we put the laptops and return air tickets in the safe? yeah, when that thought hits you upside the head forget about the game. you might as well start walking home right then and there. walk? sure. wifey is probably not going to wire you any cash. not even bail money if you get even more stupid or crazed because she was never on board for this bowl outing to begin with.

hello?

hi, honey.

hi, are you alright? you don’t sound good.

ah, yeah, well…there’s been a…ah…sorta problem.

what happened? are you in jail?

ah, jesus, baby i’m so sorry…

just get to the point.

yeah, well…someone stole our laptops and return flight tickets out of our room. then this uber car service guy takes sid and me…and…so we…

ended up in jail?

ah, yeah…i guess…

you guess? you are either in jail or not.

um…so…yeah…in jail.

click.

honey? aw come on honey. honey? shit. she hung up, sid.

yep, bowl season. money ball. lots of money ball. more cash than anyone can ever hope to carry. you’ve seen those guys with the furtive beady eyes all glassy and crazed dragging steamer trunks manacled to their wrists. yeah, them, wrestling those cash filled trunks down the street. they’re trying to find the alley they crawled out of and return to their rat holes for the next nine month so they can sit cackling madly as they count their cash windfalls. not a pleasant or pretty sight. you expected something else?

ok. so, the bowl games. i’ll give you some. not all of them because if you’re paying attention or even still reading you know what i think. no points. no spread. just a straight up pick. and just some of the bowls i might actually spend a few minutes watching. or just in passing. hey, it’s a bowl game. isn’t there a seinfeld re-run on somewhere? or what about that slew of house hunters on the DVR?

rock ‘n’ roll.

12-20 las vegas. sin city, nevada. utah vs colorado st. one of the early games i may actually watch. or part of it. two good teams both with decent records. this game is always a good draw for the folks in utah. sin city, a good place for anyone to kick out the jams. staying true to my PAC 12 homerism i like utah for the win.

12-20 potato. boise, idaho. western michigan vs air force. hey, anytime you can watch a hopefully dialed in falcon offense take the field you probably shouldn’t miss the opportunity. take air force.

12-27 sun. el paso, texas. arizona st vs duke. duke, eh? apparently they played well enough this year to get an offer. i guess we’ll find out if they’re for real or not. that is if the sun devils come to play. i lile the sun devils.

12-27 holiday. san diego, ca. nebraska vs usc. this is one of those bowls whose money name has been changed a few times over the years. with bo gone it will be interesting to see how well the huskers fair here. it will also be interesting to see how good of a job the sark does with the men of troy. usc of course. FIGHT ON!!!

12-30 music city. nashville, tenn. notre dame vs lsu. the domers limp into a bowl with perhaps the longest money title of them all. anyway it’s a good music and food venue. the domers need the win but i don’t see it happening. take lsu.

12-30 foster farms. santa clara, ca. maryland vs stanford. the trees with what is more or less a home game for them. i’m taking stanford.

12-31 peach. atlanta, ga. ole miss vs tcu. one to watch for a bit to see if the horned frogs throw down some points once again. i like tcu here.

12-31 fiesta. glendale, az. boise st vs arizona. a good game here and probably one i’ll watch for a while. a step up for the broncos for a change who i think will be up for the game. as for the wildcats, flip a coin as to whether they’ll show up to play. ok. take boise st.

1-1 cotton. arlington, texas. michigan st vs baylor. possibly a good game and if baylor had played the spartans earlier in the year and won things would have gone differently for them. flip a coin for the winner.

1-1 rose. pasadena, ca. oregon vs florida st. one the brown eyed girl and i will watch. perhaps even the entire game. after all, it is the grand daddy of em all and the ducks are playing in the game where i fell in love with them back in 1958. simple enough. take the ducks. QUACK QUACK!!!!

1-1 sugar. new orleans, la. alabama vs ohio st. after 3 or 4 days of bowl games with a couple more tomorrow i may or may not watch. i’ll probably feel more like watching ‘house hunters’ or ‘the property brothers’ on new years evening. even though one of these teams will be playing the ducks on jan 12. the buckeyes already have a number of fans pissed off because they’re in this game. fine with me. i hope they piss off a few more when they roll back the tide.

1-2 alamo. san antonio, texas. kansas st vs ucla. the L.A. Times did an article about why the bruins should turn down any bowl offers. apparently they didn’t read the paper that day. if the bruins do show up and are ready to play this could be a good game. if they don’t. well, then the Times was right. flip a coin.

1-12 national championship game. arlington, texas. ok. here’s the deal. 1) this game is played well over a month after the end of the regular season. 2) at this point i really don’t care who’s playing in it. unless the ducks are one of the teams. even if that is the case i still probably won’t watch any of it. hours and hours filled with a few seconds of football and much more time spent with TV commercials and blithering analysis than actual football. how anyone could sit through this is beyond me. especially in person. let alone watch live on TV. sure you could DVR the thing but why?? maybe the brown eyed girl and i will hit a local favorite for happy hour instead. a couple of drinks and great bar food. yeah, i’m sure it will be on all the TVs there but i won’t care. neither should you.

i had a few other bowls penciled in but scratched them from the list. yawners and not worth the time or effort. the first year of playoffs will be in the books in a little over a month. which for me is still a major problem. when, not if, they go to an 8 team playoff the championship game will probably be played around valentine’s day. all due to the TV money effect. a sad thing indeed. don’t believe me? i have 9 letters for you MLB, NBA and NFL.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 15

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the final week of the 2014 regular college football season steams into town with a number of league championships on the line along with a few leftover games to round out the grand finale. all in all, i guess we’ll get our four playoff teams out of the mix along with plenty of stuff to be upset about regarding the four picks. you expected something different? the new boss is a lame as the old boss. the trouble being, the Big 5 Gang signed off on this deal for 14 years and i haven’t heard of any escape clauses. just sayin’.

hopefully, things pick up again for me this week after a dismal 4 for 10 last week. the points being the problem once again. my over all now sits at 74 for 140. an up tick to end the season would be very nice.

never forget this is for entertainment purposes only. taking something read here and trying to use it as some sort of bettors edge would be extremely stupid and very possibly insane. do not do it. leave your wallet where it belongs in your pocket and nobody get hurts. simple as that.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12-4 ucf @ e. carolina. e. carolina favored by 5.5 points. this is here because i wanted a game each day there was one scheduled to end the year. other than that unless your kid plays for either team you probably aren’t that interested. me either. both schools with similar records. i’m taking e. carolina to win and cover.

12-5 MAC championship. n. illinois @ bowling green. n. illinois favored by 5.5 points. the paper trail tells me that this is the huskies game to lose. the game is to be played on a neutral field somewhere but i haven’t a clue as to where that would be as stub hub wasn’t working when i checked. take n. illinois to win and cover the points.

12-5 PAC 12 championship. arizona @ oregon. oregon favored by 13.5 points. no doubt the game of the week and a nice way to cap off a friday evening. another neutral game site this one in santa clara at the new home of the 49ers. the ducks don’t get their usual autzen home field home crowd advantage. i don’t think the wildcats care where they are playing. they beat the ducks on the road on oct 2. yes, a rematch. something i usually don’t care for but these teams can put some points on the board so that sorta trumps the rematch thing. i’ve been a duck fan since 1958, no that isn’t a typo, so i’m taking the ducks to win and cover. it’s too late to stop now. QUACK QUACK!!!

12-6 ACC championship. florida st @ georgia tech. florida st favored by 3.5 points. it’s no secret i don’t care for either of these teams. however, push come to shove i’ll take tech any day over state. especially this year. take georgia tech to at the least get inside the spread.

12-6 oklahoma st @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 19.5 points. there is no championship game for the BIG 12. that would be too easy. instead they screw around and use math you never paid any attention to in high school gets used to determine the conference champion. i suppose this game could be considered the first algebra equation of the day. pay attention and no cheating, please. this would also be the last of the big time rivalries for the year. the cowboys began the year on a roll but are bringing a 5 game losing streak into town this saturday. never a good sign. the sooners lost to all the other teams with a shot at the title so they have to win this one for the math to even come close to working out. let insanity reign. take the cowboys to at least get inside the points.

12-6 kansas st @ baylor. no line. the second algebra equation of the day. actually it’s the first but with things this convoluted it hardly matters. the bears survived a scare last week against a so so texas tech team. much more on the line this week. take kansas st for the win.

12-6 iowa st @ tcu. tcu favored by 32 points. the third algebra equation of the day. the cyclones drag their horrible record and 5 game losing streak into ft worth this week for a shot at derailing the surging horned frogs at home. that probably isn’t going to happen. even with the boat load of points i’m taking tcu for the win and cover.

12-6 BIG 10 championship. wisconsin @ ohio st. wisconsin favored by 4 points. with the loss of the ohio st starting qb the badgers chances for winning this one got a whole lot better. i like the badgers here because of their running game and their defense. plus, the game is being played in indiana. bobby knight will join the ohio st band for a chair throwing demonstration at half time. something i’d probably pay to see. the game?take wisconsin to win and cover.

12-6 SEC championship. alabama @ missouri. alabama favored by 14.5 points. the tide and tigers clash in the georgia dome for all the SEC marbles. the paper and ink thing has the tide with a distinct advantage. however, i like the spread so i’m taking missouri to at least get inside the points.

12-6 MW championship. fresno st @ boise st. boise st favored by 19.5 points. another rematch and a shot at a slim ticket punching game for the broncos. fresno states marginal record and a win against san diego st backed them into this title game. they also lost by 10 points to boise st on oct 17 in boise. they’re looking at a similar fate again this week. boise st needs the win and hopefully will score something better than another trip to sin city and the vegas bowl yet again. take boise st to win and cover.

that’s all, folks. the 2014 season will be in the books soon. three fleeting months gone with the wind. now we sit and wait for nine months. yes, sort of like giving birth. we sit. we wait. then at last, it’s september again. finally. be safe. be semi sane. see you in september.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 14

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i went 7 for 10 last week leading up to happy turkey day and happy what used to be rivalry weekend as well. though over the years rivalry weekend has become somewhat diluted with some rivalries being played other weeks of the year. yeah, there’s still a number of the games left to be savored with leftover thanksgiving goodies but it isn’t quite the same as in the old days. but then what is? exactly. none the less, rivalry weekend rolls into town with turkey and stuffing, over eating, drinking and the dreaded relatives this long holiday weekend. at any rate, it’s my favorite weekend of the year.

the 7 for 10 put my over all at 70 for 130 or 10 games over .500 something i’m relieved to finally see. my best picks last week were arizona, minnesota and my personal fave, oklahoma st. all that being said, remember this is for entertainment purposes only. don’t use anything bandied about here and take it to sin city or your local branch of sin city to use as some sort of betting edge. it would be insane. do not do it. you aren’t that stupid now, are you?

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-27 tcu @ texas. tcu favored by 6.5 points. turkey day rolls out with what used to be a pretty good game. this year? meh. though i’d watch this game rather than a pro game. just sayin’. tcu needs kansas st to put down baylor for them to have any shot at the BIG 12 title and a big dance card handed to them. but that may not even seal the deal. the longhorns have been all over the map this season on their train to nowhere. even though it’s a home game for them things probably won’t change much for the longhorns. although the lack of points reflects the rivalry. tcu rolls. take tcu to win and cover.

11-27 lsu @ texas a&m. lsu favored by 2.5 points. the tigers are coming off a two game losing streak. the aggies, as predicted here, finally ran into their real schedule. to be fair, they did out last auburn a couple of weeks ago. probably a pretty good game with the aggies lucky it’s a homer with the points doing another reflection thingy. i’m taking the aggies here to at least cover the points. yeah, i know.

11-28 arizona st @ arizona. no line as of publication. it’s a short busy week and i’m not sitting around waiting for them to figure it out. two thirds of the PAC south title contenders mix it up in tucson on friday at the same time as the other third hits the turf in tree country. this game is on FOX the other on ABC. even under normal circumstances this has always been a good game. this year with a shot at the title and a chance for a go at the ducks makes this game a must watch. yes, both teams lost to ucla so they need the bruins to go belly up. flip a coin. although home turf seals it for the wildcats. take arizona for the win.

11-28 stanford @ ucla. ucla favored by 4.5 points. the PAC 12 south title up for grabs and the bruins at home, the site of their only losses this year. stanford with a shot at playing spoiler and parlaying that into perhaps a decent bowl bid. what does it all mean? the bruins win and cover. take them. and stay off the 210 freeway anywhere near pasadena.

11-29 miss st @ ole miss. miss st favored by 1 point. of the two, miss st seems to be the only team with any steam and desire left in them this year. maybe the talk of ole miss’ coach freeze heading to florida has put the kids in the dumps. sort of like the kids learning mom and dad are heading for a split. i say that’s fine let him go and bring back coach ed o for a shot of redemption. yuup, works for me. i digress. take miss st for the win and very short cover.

11-29 oregon @ oregon st. oregon favored by 20 points. the civil war game. the beaves have had a dismal season with the exception of beating arizona st at home which is huge. at least in my book. on the other hand, the ducks need this to remain a temporary pick for the playoffs and then a win next week to seal the deal. if state can find what they had on 11-15 again this will indeed be more than their bowl game for the year. never count coach riley out. take oregon st to cover the points.

11-29 notre dame @ usc. usc favored by 7 points. the domers ride a three game losing streak into lotus land for one of the oldest rivalry games going. usc needs the win for a better shot at a bowl bid and to derail the trees and their bid. yes, a bit convoluted but what else is new? at least it’s a home game for the men of troy and another 12:30 game time. which means fresh batteries for the TV remote might be a good idea for this saturday. plus, more clogged freeways in the metro area. take usc to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!

11-29 minnesota @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 13 points. hopefully, this game gets some TV time. just sayin’. the badgers mailed in their win over iowa last week. the gophers played their hearts out in their win against nebraska. did they leave their game in lincoln? i like both teams. however, the short break hurts the gophers more. take wisconsin to win and cover.

11-29 utah st @ boise st. boise st favored by 9.5 points. if the broncos pull this one out they play in the MW championship. simple as that. they’ll probably win that game then get hosed like in the old BCS days. Times have changed??? i’m rushing things a bit. take boise st to win and cover.

11-29 auburn @ alabama. alabama favored by 9.5 points. pretty much everyone in the SEC took a bye last week and scheduled a game which should be classified as an exhibition game and mean nothing in the final standings. yeah, like that’s going to happen. what should happen is the practice of the SEC playing practice games in late november needs to end. the problem being the SEC is too damned arrogant for the practice to go away without some sort of king hell fight going down. the NCAA doesn’t have the stomach for it or for much else or so it seems. the game? i like auburn to at least get inside the points. take auburn.

enjoy your rivalry weekend and the last college football week of the year where it’s just about everybody’s final regular season game for 2014. next week we get a handful of leftover games and a few league championship match-ups. then the usual chaos will ensue. have a happy thanksgiving! be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 13

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after suffering a bout of some sort of lower GI and occasional upper GI thing since saturday evening i’ve finally made it here for this weeks picks. better late than never. i haven’t been that sick since probably my high school or college days. it was a sort of a never ending colonoscopy prep, if you get my drift. at any rate, i’ll be keeping things a bit more simple this week.

ok. so, last week i tailed off some and went 4 for 10. had a couple of my picks who won covered the points things would have been much better. i had two standout picks however with, utah and oregon st. my over all now sits at 63 for 120. nothing stellar.

remember this is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here as any sort of betting advise would be pretty stupid on numerous levels. do not do it.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-21 air force @ san diego st. san diego st favored by 4.5 points. i honestly don’t get the spread here. the falcons are a much better team. i’ve even checked the odds a couple of times. someone obviously knows something i don’t. not an uncommon thing. be that as it may i’m taking the falcons to at least get inside the spread. maybe even win.

11-22 colorado @ oregon. no line. colorado is abysmal as ever. if colorado wins it will be a sign of the apocalypse so strap yourself in. take oregon for the win. QUACK QUACK!!!

11-22 usc @ ucla. ucla favored by 3.5 points. a crosstown rivalry that most of us here in lala land patiently wait for every year. regardless of how good or bad either school is in any given year pretty much goes out the window for this game. plus, the fact that calls get missed or manufactured out of thin air or some other sort of strangeness goes down effecting the outcome of the game. it just seems to be part of what a rivalry shootout is all about. the bruins are on a 4 or 5 game roll here. Pac south title on the line for the trojans, at least for this week. a close call to be sure. i’ve been using a usc keck hospital pen for my notebook this week so, ipso facto, take the trojans. FIGHT ON!!!

11-22 arizona @ utah. utah favored by 4 points. both schools coming off squeaker wins last week. utah with the home field 3 plus one. another close call. take arizona to beat the points or win.

11-22 minnesota @ nebraska. nebraska favored by 10.5 points. two rushing power houses crack heads in what should be a fun game to watch. minnesota doesn’t get much respect though i like them. out on a limb here but take the gophers to get inside the spread and perhaps even win.

11-22 washington st @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 16 points. i just don’t see pirate mike’s cougars with any shot at all here against the sun devils. yes, i’ve been wrong before. none the less, take arizona st for the win and cover.

11-22 ole miss @ arkansas. ole miss favored by 13.5 points. despite the fact ole miss went off road and did a preseason road kill thumping last week i still like them here. although arkansas may surprise. it wouldn’t be a first. take ole miss for the win and cover.

11-22 western carolina @ alabama. no line. that is to be expected with this freak show. at least the ducks game is a conference game. for at least the last four years and probably even longer the tide has scheduled some form of road kill for this week. this year it’s western carolina. lovely. i’m sure coach satan has some semi weird sort of explanation for doing this every year. however, the bottom line is for it’s all about the wins. quality be damned. because if you just look at the numbers you’re missing the fact that the tide played some Div ll school in week 13. plus, a couple the first few weeks of the season. it’s bad enough doing it the first couple of weeks of the season and shrugging it off, but this time of the year smacks at an arrogance of epic proportions. and is one of the reasons i’ve fallen off the tides wagon. no line? take the tide.

11-22 oklahoma st @ baylor. baylor favored by 27.5 points. a bundle of points for sure and i’m thinking the cowboys are looking at this game as a bowl game and their shot at redemption for a train wreck of a season. they have it in them. they may not win but i think they will at least get inside the points. take oklahoma st.

11-22 boise at @ wyoming. boise st favored by 12 points. a night game in wyoming the end of november. ouch. things could go off the rails for either team at any point. boise st needs the win. take the broncos to win and cover.

with only a few weeks left in the regular season enjoy your weekend of college ball. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 12

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going back to using the point spread again after my prolonged vacation didn’t put a damper on picks for week 11. i went 7 for 10. keeping me above .500 with room to spare. my best pick of the week was texas a&m to beat the spread which they did with room to spare and took the win as well. maybe they aren’t that bad after all. at any rate, my overall now sits at, 59 for 110. my average continues its up swing for three straight weeks. finally.

the CFP still has a murky mess on it’s hands and maybe things will work out by december. or maybe not. thing is, will everyone be happy? no, probably not.

just remember this particular murky mess is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here as some sort of advantage with legal or otherwise betting adventures would be really really stupid. yes, i occasionally hit some high notes. be that is it may, do not do it. leave your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

the points used here are what i use to determine my wins and losses for the week. it matters not if they change up or down for my purposes.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-13 cal @ usc. usc favored by 14.5 points. after a week off the trojans get cal at home on thursday night right smack in the middle of rush hour traffic. a perhaps not so brilliant scheduling move on someones part to make an already nasty drive home even worse with the addition of a game at the coliseum. stunningly stupid to those on the freeways going home or going to the game. though it does give the the trojans several extra days to prepare for the bruins on nov 22. yeah, there is that. cal is on a three game losing streak which for them and the time of year is nothing new. the trojans need a win here and on the 22nd then have some other things go down and there will be a log jam for the PAC south title. fun times for sure. i digress. take usc for the win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!

11-15 clemson @ georgia tech. clemson favored by 3 points. the tigers didn’t blow wake forest out of the water last week and they probably should have. though they do have the better half of the ACC schedule going for them. georgia tech plays in the crappy half. take clemson for the win and cover.

11-15 auburn @ georgia. georgia favored by 2.5 points. the bulldogs whipped up on kentucky on the road last week. while the tigers are still wondering what the hell happened when a&m came a calling. i’m sure it was some sort of anomaly, but it’s still a loss and one neither school can afford again. guess what? one of them probably sinks out of the CFP for sure this weekend. or maybe not. the dice haven’t stopped tumbling just yet. i’m taking auburn for the win or at least get inside the slim margin of points.

11-15 nebraska @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 6 points. i like the cornhuskers at home and their schedule so far this year looks somewhat better on paper than the badgers’ looks. though neither school seems to impress some wags and some of the talking heads. me? they’re probably both better than georgia tech. i like the badgers at home for this one. take wisconsin to win or cover.

11-15 miss st @ alabama. alabama favored by 7 points. it’s put up or shut up for the bulldogs this week. simple as that. the tide had their hands full with lsu last week in their usual defensive snore fest when the two of them tango. bama at home with a statement to be made should be very hard to beat. take the tide for the win and cover.

11-15 utah @ stanford. stanford favored by 7.5 points. the utes and the trees have pretty much had their tickets punched for the season. their final three games are for pride and the hope for some sort of decent bowling bid. whoever wins this one may put and end to either of those for the loser. the ducks clubbed both squads into submission. it’s another one of those who looks best on paper things. for my money i like the utes. all that being said, if the utah players have no clue where the end zone is even when it’s color coded for them, they deserve what ever happens. the undercurrent of redemption probably runs deep in utah this week. would have, could have and should have running a close second. take utah to at least get inside the points.

11-15 pitt @ n. carolina. n. carolina favored by 2 points. both schools with identical records. the only difference being the tar heels will be down for the count for many years to come. that is if the ever useless NCAA does what they pay their people to do. like look the other way? take extra long 3 martini lunches? naps on the veranda? more martinis along with kobe beef sliders then the chauffeur takes them home? my guess is, sometime into the next century we’ll find out what the NCAA intends to do about the tar heels and their academic issues, stupidity and general insanity. in the end probably nothing. but i’ve been surprised before. the game at hand? take pitt for the win.

11-15 iowa @ illinois. iowa favored by 5.5 points. another meaningless game, but one that gives me the opportunity to avoid another SEC match-up and florida st. however, this one is for my late pops. born in iowa but he spent plenty of time on his uncle’s farm up in illinois. dad was known to stash a live turkey in his carry on bag on the train home for thanksgiving dinner in iowa. take iowa for the win and cover.

11-15 san diego st @ boise st. boise st favored by 14 points. this might be a good game however, see above. both schools are in the better half of the mountain west. the aztecs need one more win for a shot at bowling for dollars in december. the broncos are already in that position. boise st at home is a tough nut to crack and they are a seriously better team on paper than the aztecs. take boise st to win and cover the spread.

11-15 arizona st @ oregon st. arizona st favored by 9.5 points. the poor beaves are on a four game losing streak along with meeting the surging sun devils at home this week. a potential train wreck in the making for coach riley. or the opportunity to play big time spoiler here and again in two weeks. although i suppose oregon st could pull off some sort of miraculous biblical type thing and actually win the game. or maybe at least get inside the points. yes, the beaves finally get some satisfaction and get inside the points for what will be a nail biter. take them.

fall seems to be finally making a sort of hesitant appearance, or what passes for it these days, here in the land of the lotus. anyway, enjoy your weekend and the games. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 11

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things continue to look up, as week 10 saw me going 8 for 10 again. two weeks in a row. sweet. hopefully, there’s another one waiting to happen in the wings. my over all now sits at 52 for 100 marking the first time this year i’ve been over the 50% mark. yes, nothing really news worthy but improving. now, if it could at least just stay there or make an other improvement this week.

the CFP or whatever it is has come up with their very own top 25 list. the question begs and begs…why? are they trying to convince folks they are actually hard at work? more like hard at busy work. you know like when the boss rolls through you have a broom in your hand or you’re at your desk pretending to be working on paperwork or something. we’ve all done it. the ‘committee’ is too. seems like the more things change the more they stay the same.

i’m back to using point spreads again this week. the long vacation is over and things are finally back to normal around these parts. always remember this is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here to gain some sort of insider info to use at your local betting parlor or out in the glitz of the nevada desert would be supremely stupid on your part. do not do it. keep your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

the spreads used here are what i use to determine my wins and losses for the week. the odds may change but what’s here is what i use. yeah, there have been times if i’d changed things a day or so before the game things might would been different. point being, i have a life.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-7 utah st @ wyoming. utah st favored by 6 points. yes, there might be a couple of other games i could have put on this weeks schedule. yes, both teams have a semi sort of dismal record going for them. that’s one reason i picked this game. plus, i like both schools. sue me. on paper the aggies have a distinct edge.
take utah st to win and cover the spread.

11-8 baylor @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 4.5 points. a pretty good game. baylor can score some points but they seem to play much better at home. the sooners do well on the road and at home. both have similar records with baylor having a one game advantage. i have to take the sooners at home to win and cover the points.

11-8 kansas st @ tcu. tcu favored by 5 points. this is one of my favorite games of the weekend. possibly one of those scoreboard blow outs. tcu has the paper edge. however, i’m taking kansas st to at least get inside the points.

11-8 notre dame @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 1.5 point. another weekend favorite. the domers travel to the desert southwest for an afternoon in the sun and possibly some heat. take the sun devils to win and cover.

11-8 texas a&m @ auburn. auburn favored by 21.5 ponts. auburn sunk ole miss right out of the playoffs last week. as i predicted weeks ago the aggies schedule would sink them once they hit quality teams and it has.
21.5 is a lot of points for this time of year. for pride only the aggies get inside the spread. take a&m.

11-8 air force @ unlv. air force favored by 6 points. another game that makes no difference other than the falcons need to keep winning in order to go bowling later in the year. and their offense, at times, is worth watching. unlv is dreadful this year. take air force to win and cover the points.

11-8 ucla @ washington. ucla favored by 4 points. as a PAC(8)(10)12 homer this is my favorite game of the weekend. the huskies are doing OK but didn’t play that well in a win against hapless colorado last week. the bruins held on for the win in a rare sort of defensive game for the PAC 12 against arizona at home. a good game. take the bruins to win and cover.

11-8 ohio st @ michigan st. michigan st favored by 3.5 points. the Big Ten(14) game of the year. for sure the easts game of the year. a loss drops one of them out of the CFP or would seem so. i heard some one say no one wants to play the spartans this year. it might be true. michigan st at home on a good year for them you have to take them to win and cover the spread.

11-8 alabama @ lsu. alabama favored by 6 points. the tide travels into bayou country this week for what hopefully won’t be a defensive slug fest. even though the tigers are playing well and this is a home game i have to take the tide to roll on and win or cover the spread.

11-8 oregon @ utah. oregon favored by 9.5 points. possibly a very high octane game. the ducks make the short trip to provo where they will hopefully make short work of the utes in their seemingly last game against a seemingly high quality opponent. december 5th being the exception. and then there’s the civil war game where anything can happen. the utes won against usc and ucla earlier in the year. can they do it again? the ducks need this one and with mariota on a high i’m taking the ducks to win and cover the points. QUACK QUACK!!!

another fine week for college ball. if you close your eyes and breathe deep you can almost smell the roasted turkey and stuffing in the air. enjoy your weekend. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 10

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a stunning week 9 turned out to be my best week of the year so far. i hit 8 for 10 something i usually do a couple of times a year but hadn’t yet this year. with any luck at all i’ll hit another one for week 10. my over all now sits at a semi respectable 44 for 90.

the UNC “daisy cutter” hit with hopefully enough force to make some changes in college athletics. that is if the ever useless NCAA even noticed the flash, concussion and smoke from the bomb exploding. yes, it’s nothing new but the imbeciles at UNC were caught red handed with their collective hands in the cookie jar. busted like one of the thugs they coddle and protect then send off to real life still unable to read.

can or will the NCAA just look some other way and pretend all is well like they usually do? they will if folks let them. that’s how it works in the good old boy halls of ivy. a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. thanks for that one ronnie wood. anyway, it’s SOP for the suit and tie crowd that runs things in college and TV land. i’ve hammered on this for years…money is sinking college athletics. money and stupidity walk hand in hand down the hallowed ivy halls of higher education. TV and the money tree that grows there is just too tempting for the loons and lame brains running college athletic programs.

sex or money. the two bottom lines in life, politics and in college ball. follow the money or the hot babes. it’s where you’ll find the answers. simple as that. sure you’re gonna find some answers THEY don’t want you to find but that’s what being a real journalist is all about. not being some talking pet parrot getting hand fed news items then squawking them to the masses with nary a waver or iota of guilt. the party line must be held at all costs. the masses are too stupid to govern themselves. sorry, that was veer and for another time.

all of this nonsense is primarily going down in FBS or DIV 1 schools. though i’m sure where ever you find a clutch of boosters or alumni at say roto-rooter poly tech or windshield replacement & car bondo state you’ll find paper bags with a couple of greasy fried chicken stains on them being passed around. but there ain’t no fried chicken in the bag, kids. no, there be money in them bags. lots of it.

so, the question is, do you want sports along with something we all can be proud of or do you want a sports culture where decency and decorum are laughed at or spit upon for the sake of the money? a college sports roman bacchanal as it were? what’ll it be? we’ve come to that fork in the road. or a crossroads in robert johnson terms.

another week of just straight up winners for me because of the vacation that lingers. things should be back to normal next week. as always, this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. finding anything here to be used for legal or illegal sports betting would be very stupid and detrimental to your bank account. leave your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket and nobody gets hurts.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-1 air force @ army. on the surface this would seem like an easy pick. however, strange things do happen when a rivalry kicks in. army has been on a losing streak for what amounts to years. that streak should continue here. take air force for the win.

11-1 tcu @ w. virginia. the horned frogs dumped a ton of points on texas tech last week at home. the mountaineers on the other hand are quietly winning and staying semi sort of under the radar. if being a top 25 team is staying under the radar. i like tcu’s winning record better and if they didn’t run the tank dry last week they should have no trouble with w. virginia. take tcu for the win.

11-1 oklahoma @ iowa st. the cyclones at home with a so so win loss record against the sooners. if i were doing points this week it would be very tempting to take them regardless what the spread is. but that isn’t the case here. so, take the sooners for the win.

11-1 purdue @ nebraska. purdue is it’s usual doormat self this year. what else can you say? nebraska has abdullah running circles around just about everybody. literally. if he stays healthy and gets the ball enough he should hit 2,000 yards for the season. this game at home should be a doozy for him and definitely a fun game to watch. take the cornhuskers for the win.

11-1 auburn @ ole miss. ole miss lost a heartbreaker to lsu last week. which i semi predicted but didn’t follow up on. the SEC west looks like L.A. rush hour traffic and this game should clear things up a bit. ole miss at home turns things around and keeps thier playoff hopes alive. take ole miss.

11-1 arkansas @ mississippi st. the razorbacks can’t seem to win against a ranked team this year. that tradition continues here. take miss st for the win.

11-1 stanford @ oregon. the ducks porous defense showed up again last week against cal. if it happens again this week they will sink into to the sunset for the year playoffs wise. if the trees pull this one out they’re back on top in the PAC north. a good game that so far no one has picked up for TV. interesting. i have to stay with my beloved ducks. take oregon for the win. QUACK QUACK!!!

11-1 usc @ washington st. even though they are losing more than they are winning the cougars have an impressive passing game. plus the fact the trojans are having some trouble playing on the road this year. all of that make this a good game to watch. that is if you have the PAC 12 network. hopefully, the trojans pull it together for the win. take usc. FIGHT ON!!!

11-1 arizona @ ucla. the bruin defense slept late last saturday and missed most of the game against colorado. they can’t let that happen again this week. with pretty much everyone with the exception of colorado in the hunt for the PAC south crown both teams need the win. i have to take the bruins in what will probably be another nail biter for them.

11-1 utah @ arizona st. the utes are quietly picking their way through the PAC 12 this season. their job is far from over but things begin to get a bit dicey this week on the road against the sun devils. a good game and another one with no TV coverage. take utah for what will probably be another slim win.

college football weekends dwindle and soon there will be none until next september. where hopefully things will be much different. time tells. enjoy your weekend. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 9

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after another slow start for last week i ended up hitting 6 for 10, with 3 solid picks with notre dame, arizona st and missouri. had a few other teams scored a few more points in winning things would have been even better. yes, could have, should have, would have, the triple threat. none the less, my over now stands at 36 for 80. onward.

college football is in a death spiral and has been for a number of years. there is just way too much money involved and rampant greed has grabbed the college communities by the throat. from top to bottom presidents, deans, ADs and coaches care nothing more than having the money trucks deliver the cash each week. cold hard untraceable cash. screw everything else like morals or educating student athletes.

the fiasco at FSU is this weeks drama. ok, this years drama. last year it was miami(fl) and their ‘problem’ being swept under the rug and carefully taken out the backdoor late at night never to be heard from again. and not the first time either. for some reason the florida schools seem to get breaks no other schools get. ask the trojans and ohio st.

college ball is sick. very sick. maybe it doesn’t have ebola, yet, but if things don’t change beginning with the ever useless NCAA to the schools themselves, you can put money on the fact college football will bleed out and become just another reeking carcass on the side of the road of history. A bit harsh you say? i don’t think so. it’s bound to happen sooner or later. greed and the glut of TV money won’t save college ball from the likes of the stupidity coming from the state of florida. if stupidity and it’s brother, cover-ups, prevail it will be coming to your town and school very soon. count on it. if it isn’t already there. which if you want to be completely honest it’s already there.

jimbo ‘i’m clinically delusional’ fisher needs to be tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail. yeah, like that’s gonna happen any time soon.

life is in the way once again but in a very good way so i probably won’t be doing spreads again this time around. just straight up picks. but that may change. or not.

always remember this is for entertainment purposes only. nothing more. using any information here to gain some sort of bettors advantage would be supremely stupid. sorta like the NCAA. don’t do it. keep your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-24 byu @ boise st. possibly a good game if only to see if the cougars can turn things around or just slip into darkness for the rest of the season. boise st is doing ok and all things being equal their win against nevada and byu losing to nevada should work into boise st taking the win. take boise st.

10-24 oregon @ cal. my beloved ducks travel to the berserkly hills for the second half of a friday night decent game double header. one of those picture in picture deals or DISH’s football thingy might be an asset this friday. cal is not as bad as they usually are however we aren’t quite into november yet where they usually sink quickly into the murk of the east bay. oregon shouldn’t have any problem dealing with cal and taking the win. QUACK QUACK!!!

10-25 texas @ kansas st. it’s probably pretty safe to say that the tigers surprised just about everyone last week with their slim win over the sooners. even with their offense falling off the face of the earth in the 4th quarter. the longhorns on the other hand seem to have found some sort of mojo and dealt the cyclones a loss and another surprise for the week. a good game but kansas st is probably too good for the horns especially at home. kansas st for the win.

10-25 alabama @ tennessee. i’ve been waiting for this one, kids. lane kiffin returns to one of the many crime scenes in his short life. will he even make the trip? coach satan told an early morning press briefing that coach kiffin has a bad case of the flu and won’t be making the trip up to tennessee for saturday’s game. coach satan said lane is dehydrated and bed ridden due to a raging fever that defies all logic and medical knowledge. the bama head coach also stated that ebola has not been ruled out despite the fact coach kiffin had not come into contact with anyone who had the disease. ah, yes, flights of fancy. though one has to wonder if he will make the trip and just what the students and vols fans have as plans for lane. the vols are pretty much dismal this year. but there will be joy in mudville if lane shows up on the sidelines, the airport, hotel or pretty much any place else in town. the vols have no shot at winning this game but a chance at redemption in making lane’s life miserable for a few days. just remember kids, no guns, no knives, brass knuckles, bare fists or anything else that might be deemed deadly. you are after all college kids so use that intelligence and make us all laugh, please. good luck, lane. you made the bed now sleep in it. the tide rolls on take em.

10-25 mississippi @ lsu. what a difference a couple of losses makes for lsu. riding high in september shot down in october(with apologies to old blue eyes). ole miss is on one of those missions that only come along every once and a while. hopefully, they ride it out and into the big dance. the tigers get to play spoiler something they’ve done in the past on numerous occasions. ole miss and the mission continue.

10-25 michigan @ michigan st. big blue is floundering. although with a new coach they did manage a win last week at home. the spartans at home are always tough especially with the state of michigan bragging rights on the line. big blue on the road rebuilding mid year? not against state. take the spartans.

10-25 mississippi st @ kentucky. kentucky is winning some but they run up against the bulldogs and another one of those team mission things which won’t be decided here but down the road a piece. mississippi st, simple as that.

10-25 ohio st @ penn st. penn st seemed to be turning things around up until they hit the hard reality of their schedule. reality gets even more real at home this week against the buckeyes. ohio st for what should probably be an easy win.

10-25 usc @ utah. the PAC(8)(10)12 internal bashing continues. the winner here probably shuts the other out of things or maybe not with the way the bashing has been going. two good teams with the trojans on the road up into some colder weather. socal homer sticks with the trojans. FIGHT ON!!!

10-25 arizona st @ washington. the sun devils continue to win the games they have to win. the trees last week were just another example of that. their only loss was the shellacking the bruins dealt them. the huskies at home have alays been trouble. depending on the points this one will be a good one to take a long look at. the huskies play tough but arizona st wins it.

another week in the books. the bells are tolling for college football. will college football man up, as the saying goes, and deal with their many problems? in a forthright manner? or continue to pretend all is well in the halls of ivy and college ball. we’ll just have to wait and see. i’d advise against holding your breath. enjoy the games and your weekend. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 8

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last week would have been a much better week if i had not used the spreads. not that the previous week was so bleeding stellar by any stretch of the imagination. it just goes to show that the grand palaces out in the nevada desert aren’t built by folks winning money. over the years vegas has become known more as ‘last wages’ here in socal. but that’s for another time.

week 7 saw me go 4 for 10. i had a few more winners but they couldn’t manage to beat the spread. a sad tale. so, the over all now sits at 30 for 70. yeah, pretty crappy. a long row to hoe if i’m going to be anywhere near 50% this season.

the long trip into michelin star darkness continues. yes, it’s difficult but some one has to do it. with that being said, i don’t really have the time to deal with the point spreads this week. however, i may change my mind. we’ll see. ok. i found some time so i’m doing the spreads this week.

just remember this is for entertainment purposes only. obviously. if you’re trying to find some sort of bettors edge in this insanity you are in the wrong place, my friend. leave your wallet in your pocket, where it belongs and nobody gets hurt.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-16 utah @ oregon st. utah favored by 1.5 points. slim oddsa nice thursday night offering here for couch sitting, pizza and whatever trips your trigger washing down wise. the pac(8)(10)12 continues to beat upon each and the outcome is a bit shady but we’ll just have to wait and see where it leads. from this pac homer’s seat it doesn’t bode well. but…both teams have had an extra week to thrown something together for the thursday night beat down. i like the utes in this one even on the road into what will probably be a wet weekend on the west coast. take utah for the win and cover.

10-17 fresno st @ boise st. boise st favored by 15.5 points. just when you think the bulldogs have thrown something together like a nice winning streak the wheels fall off the grape truck. as for the broncos they seem to have things a bit more together even with only one more win. it’s not summer anymore, thankfully. i’m taking boise st for the win at home and to cover the points..

10-18 notre dame @ florida st. florida st favored by 12 points. the unbeaten noles take on unbeaten touchdown jesus at home. for the most part i’ve been trying to avoid having anything to do with the florida school this year. unless you’ve been living under a rock you can figure out why. it’s all about what’s wrong with college ball pretty much everywhere as the domers have issues as well. sadly, most schools do. the noles issues may be coming to a head this week if i remember correctly something i read. winning at any price/cost has gotten way out of hand. the ADs, deans and the NCAA need to be a little more pro-active when it comes to the criminal element in college ball. be that as it may, this will probably be a very good football game. one where we’ll see if the golden domers are really for real this year. i’m picking notre dame for the win and or to get inside the 12 points..

10-18 texas a&m @ alabama. alabama favored by 12.5 points. as i predicted earlier in the season once the aggies hit the for real deal schedule they wouldn’t fare well. things probably won’t be much different this week with the tide playing at home. yes, bama had their hands full with the razorbacks last week and i predicted that too. however, the tide should roll again this week. take alabama for the win and cover the spread..

10-18 oklahoma st @ tcu. tcu favored by 9 points. yes, tcu finally lost a game but did give baylor what for in a wild shoot out. the cowboys have been rolling along nicely after their opening loss to the noles. this could be the game of the week. i like the cowboys in this one. take them to get inside the points and maybe win.

10-18 kansas st @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 9.5 points. another solid match-up here. also probably a fun game to sit through even if you aren’t a fan of either school. similar scheduling for both teams makes this one a tough pick. it’s probably going to be a blow out or a matter of a couple of points for the winner. i’m in an oklahoma state of mind here. take the sooners for the win and to cover.

10-18 ucla @ cal. ucla favored by 7 points. the bruins did well in the heat against the ducks last week but not quite enough. this week they travel up to cal and play in the probable rain. lotus land homer native says take the bruins for the win and the cover.

10-18 stanford @ arizona st. stanford favored by 4.5 points. the sun devils sat out last week after their win against the trojans. the trees picked things up after losing to the domers. another solid match-up and probably worth sitting through if you have a DVR. i’m taking the sun devils at home for the win or at least get inside the points..

10-18 missouri @ florida. florida favored by 3.5 points. the tigers were miserable in their loss to georgia last week. and could be just as miserable this week as well. losing your best player is never a good thing. the gators are pretty much meh this year. a so so game and it has me wondering why i picked it. flip a coin. let’s see if the tigers can still win. take missouri for the win and or to get inside the points.

10-18 washington @ oregon. oregon favored by 21 points. i was going to leave the ducks out of the mix this week. but things change. actually i didn’t see the game and had clemson and boston college here instead. my beloved ducks handled the bruins quite well last week on the road. this week at home in the friendly confines of autzen stadium they get the huskies. who have a nice record so far but now things get real for them here on out. it’s a lot of points and mariota has to play the entire game. none the less take the ducks to win and cover the spread. QUACK QUACK!!!

the season wanes and the holidays loom large on the horizon. enjoy your favorite sport while you can once again this week before it’s over and you’re left scratching your head wondering where college football went. toss some lumber into the pizza oven and get creative and try not to burn the house down or end up in the ERs burn unit. plenty of dago red to be sure. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 7

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one thing is probably for certain after last weeks blood baths, the first time playoffs just might see some interesting teams showing up in the grand finale. a good thing perhaps. out with the old and in with the new. oh, how the mighty have fallen. though what actually pans out remains to be seen. the committee will have it’s work cut out for them regardless. especially if things continue veering around like they have the first half of the season.

what can you say about a week where any sane person would think without points messing things up and getting in the way of things, picking straight up winners would be a no brainer. right? yes, of course, up until the upset special steamed into town. make that, towns. another dreadful 3 for 10 week for me. ouch. one i honestly didn’t see coming. at any rate, my over all is now 26 for 60. the only place to go is up. yeah, from my keyboard to the big sports kahuna in the sky. you listening, big guy?

ok. never forget this is for entertainment purposes only. trying to find anything here as useful wagering information should be very obvious. do not do it. leave your wallet where it belongs in your pocket and nobody gets hurt. i’ll be going back to point spreads this week. the points that appear here will be what i use to determine my wins and losses for the week. hopefully, i’ll get a nice uptick in the win department.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-9 byu @ ucf. ucf favored by 3 points. ucf favored by 3 points? i don’t get it at all. after last weeks loss to the aggies byu is probably no longer looking at any shot at the national title game. yes, the same could be said for others as well. a thursday night game against a seemingly hapless central florida squad that hasn’t done well against anyone of any significance so far this year. the cougars need to bounce back. we’ll see. take byu to win or at least get inside the spread.

10-10 washington st @ stanford. stanford favored by 17.5 points. friday night under the lights. every football fans favorite night of the week. maybe. the cougars are having one of those oops sort of years. not unlike the year i’m having. yes, they threw a nice amount of points on the board against cal but, hey, it was cal. the trees on the other hand can’t seem to pick up any steam or momentum this year. i’m probably going to be sorry but i’m taking stanford at home to get it together this week for a change. take the trees to win and cover.

10-11 texas @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 14.5 points. to say the longhorns are rebuilding would be an understatement so i’m not going to say it. the sooners took one to the gut last week. coming up with a sole sad safety in the fourth quarter probably won’t win you many games. just saying sooners. take oklahoma to win and cover the points.

10-11 georgia @ missouri. georgia favored by 3 points. might as well be a pick em. the tigers only miss step so far this season was against indiana. which if they run the table could hurt them. after losing to s. carolina the bulldogs have seemingly righted the ship and are cruising along. i’m on the missouri bandwagon this year. take the tigers to win or get inside the meager spread.

10-11 alabama @ arkansas. alabama favored by 9 points. the razorbacks get a shot at furthering the ebbing of the tide. an old time rivalry. arkansas at home. take the razorbacks to to at least get inside the spread.

10-11 auburn @ mississippi st. auburn favored by 2.5 points. auburn literally thumped on lsu last week. yes, the tigers offense never got the memo there was a game to be played last saturday. from what i’m hearing they spent last saturday by the pool peeling shrimp, catching rays and chasing women. actually not a bad saturday but not if you’re supposed to be playing a football game. once the bulldogs got past playing homer simpson state and roto rooter tech they have stepped up big time. i for one hope they keep things rolling. new blood, kids. new blood. one of the weeks best right here. a semi toss up and i’m taking miss st to win or get inside the points.

10-11 tcu @ baylor. baylor favored by 10.5 points. we get to see which team is for real with this match-up. baylor can put some points on the board but they really haven’t come up against anyone like the horned frogs so far this year. with that being said tcu may not win but they’ll get inside the points.

10-11 ole miss @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 3 points. is there some sort of odds conspiracy here against the mississippi schools? is ole miss for real? or not. we find out this week because i’m sure the aggies can’t wait for saturday to roll around again to set things straight. or will they? another toss up. i’m going ole miss for the win or getting inside the cover.

10-11 usc @ arizona. usc favored by 3 points. the wildcats pumped up their passing game against the ducks ravaged defense last week. usc was on the wrong side of the aisle once again in losing to arizona st. a couple of lucky bounces kept them out of the winner’s circle. time for the trojans to get it back together yet again. take the trojans for the win on the road. FIGHT ON!!!

10-11 oregon @ ucla. oregon favored by 3 points. the bruins were stunned last week by the utes. probably a let down that coach mora missed after their shredding of arizona st the week before. this week we could see the demise of my beloved ducks for the year. defensive back ups doesn’t seem to have been a recruiting priority for oregon. maybe it will be next year. but even if it is it won’t do them any good until a couple of years down the road. a killer QB with the speed of secretariat will only get you so far. you have to stop the other guy at some point. unless the ducks somehow or another picked up some juco kids on waivers the past few days i’m not seeing them for the win. the bruins bounce back. take ucla for the win or at least the cover.

half way through the season. where does it go? at any rate, we’ll see if things can get any wilder out on the fields of play this week. sure why not? if only to make it harder for the committee down the road. the brown eyed girl and i continue our journey into michelin star territory again this week. boy howdy. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 6

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at first, week 5 looked like it was going to be one of those dismal dark affairs where the only thing you have to look forward to is next week. thankfully, things turned around big time for me. by winning my last 5 games i went 6 for 10 on the week. my over all now stands at 23 for 50. yes, nothing spectacular but moving in the right direction. one week at a time.

i’m particularly proud of my missouri, air force and iowa st picks. the cyclones didn’t win but did manage to get inside the spread as predicted.

this week begins our 2014 great american road trip. the brown eyed girl and i have a road trip that’s been on the books for quite sometime. nothing anywhere near a jack kerouac road trip these days more like a mario batali sojourn with hopefully just enough tony bourdain thrown in to keep things interesting. in that i have a ton of last minute stuff to get ready and/or do i’m not using any points this week. i’ll be picking winners only with no points involved and with any luck things will be back to normal next week.

none the less, remember this is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here as some sort of betting advice would be totally stupid and extremely detrimental to your bank account. do not do it. keep your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket. and nobody gets hurt.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-2 arizona @ oregon. thursday night under the lights. the wildcats bring their top 10 passing game into the autzen madness. both teams have had two weeks to get ready. it should be one of the best of the week and one you shouldn’t miss. my beloved ducks at home are almost impossible to beat. well, most of the time. so, set an alarm, sit back and watch a couple of explosive teams blowup the scoreboard. or that’s the hope. take the ducks for the win. QUACK QUACK!!!

10-3 utah st @ byu. the cougars just keep rolling along and winning. things shouldn’t be any different this friday night at home. the aggies are struggling even against lack luster schools. take byu for the win to keep their chances alive for a spot on the big dance dance card.

10-4 alabama @ ole miss. ole miss is playing well but they haven’t played anyone near as good as bama so far this year. if i were using the spreads this week this one would be worth considering taking ole miss depending upon what the spread might be. however, that isn’t an option here this week. take alabama for the win.

10-4 utah @ ucla. the bruins put some points on the board against a pretty good arizona st team last week. i imagine they’ll do the same again this saturday. maybe. as of this writing game time hasn’t been determined. with any luck it will be a night game as the doppler gang are predicting triple digit temps for the lotus land area for the weekend. not the best weather for football. take the bruins for the win.

10-4 arizona st @ usc. the sun devils should feel right at home this saturday when they hit the field at the coliseum along with the predicted sweltering heat. another to be determined start time. once again hopefully it’s a night time game if only to get a few folks into the seats. take the trojans for the win. FIGHT ON!!!

10-4 iowa st @ oklahoma st. wags were predicting baylor was going to throw 70 on the cyclones last week. it didn’t happen. iowa put some of their own on the board as well. another game to consider depending on what the spread is. the cowboys should win but it would be tempting to take iowa st and the points regardless. no points so take oklahoma st for the win.

10-4 texas a&m @ miss st. the aggies were almost embarrassed at home last week by arkansas. the new johnny football pulled one out of the hat in over time. misssippi st is a better squad than the razorbacks and they put the hurt on lsu. the bulldogs at home. good running game and a solid defense. i’m still not on the a&m bandwagon. take miss st for the win.

10-4 stanford @ notre dame. as physical as the trees are they still had a tough time against the huskies last saturday. they travel to the golden dome this week. the domers with a few lapses in defense in the fourth quarter kept things interesting with the orange men. i’m taking touchdown jesus for the win.

10-4 lsu @ auburn. tiger vs tiger. you have to like auburn at home. take auburn for the win.

10-4 nebraska @ michigan st. i think nebraska is a better team than the spartans. even on spartan home turf. look for the huskers to literally run all over michigan st. take nebraska for the win.

a pretty good slate of games for the week. especially with the 2 early games on thursday and friday. no bbq for me this week. it’s a week all about michelin stars. yes!! a perfectly chilled dry vodka martini before dinner. then some red and white vino with dinner. enjoy your week. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

goodfellas (?)

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this first appeared here in this form back in 2007. someone actually clicked on it and read it last week. i had forgotten about it so i re-read it myself. i had a chuckle. perhaps you will too. there is some new stuff at the end. enjoy.

jmh

as dyslexic as i am it’s way too time consuming looking up words that any sane person can spell. most of the time i can’t even spell dsylexic. my mind locks and the crossed dyslexic wires fry some more synapses into tiny cinders into the early form of earwax. that’s it. it’s gotta be. where else does that crap come from? fried synapses equal earwax. so the more you drink or get loaded or the more dyslexic you are you have more earwax. where the hell else are the damn dead things gonna go? out your ass? nah, the ear canal is much closer.

just hanging out waiting for the great 07 road trip to begin. a drunken debacle in all likely hood. about time.

when i was younger i used to look like tom selleck or so some people said. frankly, i never saw it. now a days though i’ve been mistaken for leslie nielsen, a middled aged frank sinatra or just some mob hood. all of which have their moments of fun.

i was in tj with girlfriend the first time someone thought i was leslie. we were downtown in one of those mall stall things off the main drag. she was looking for a leather purse and dickering big time price wise. the guy says to me that i can afford it and just pay the money. i’m like, say what? he says sure you’re the actor leslie nielsen and you have lots of money. i just laughed and then he got pissed. oh well.

the most interesting time for the mistaken leslie id was in mainland china. yeah, go figure. on the great wall, outside beijing, just being dumb ass tourists. lots of folks out on the wall that day but most of them chinese tourists. i was getting lots of smiles and people wanted to shake my hand. yeah, sure the happy wandering american, glad handing everyone. lovely wall you folks have here. then this one guy wanted a picture to go along with the handshake. ok, why not? no ugly american bullshit here, my friend. then it’s more shaking of the hands and comments like oh, you are a great artist. bingo. the light goes on. leslie strikes again. so, of course not wanting to create some sort of bizarre international incident, in of all places on the great wall of china, i just keep smiling and posing for the odd photo here and there. to this day i’m sure my mug is up on some guy’s wall someplace in china and he tells his friends about the day, on the great wall, where he met the great american artist, leslie nielsen. go figure.

as for the middle age sinatra thing, unless the person is just a total whack job they know frank is dead. so it doesn’t get any really fun type stuff going behind it.

the mistaken mob hood is fun. i get off on that one. plus, people tend to leave you alone. which is fine by me. girlfriend and i went on a cruise this past december. after the first day i was known as the mob guy on board. people have a tendency to speak way to loud in public so if you keep even a half assed ear tuned to the passers by you hear lots of interesting shit. there were a large number of russians on board and i was ‘mr. macaroni’ to most of them. fun stuff and i was not about to rain on their parade. not me. then last week i was at a local market in the produce section getting a couple of things. all by myself. dressed in a flannel shirt a size or two too big. t shirt. sweatpants. white socks and very cheap plastic walmart flip flop type things. when i hear from behind me this mexican guy going on and on to his family in spanish. he’s going so damn fast i can’t pick up much of anything except for, italian and ‘la familia’. of course at that i turned around and the whole family is just standing there gawking at me. i gave them my best tony soprano squint and continued to check out the potatoes. the guy shut up.

see? i told you i was bored. so now you are as well. now everybody is happy.

music this morning provided by jimi hendrix, ‘the best of hendrix’, i like it because it’s got all my faves on it, in particular ‘little wing’, ‘bold as love’ and ‘the star spangled banner’.

jmh

we went out for a nice italian dinner this weekend. one of the chain places. we hadn’t been there before. the one where you can draw stuff on the paper table cloth. it was very nice and the food was pretty good. i had a nice veal marsala and portabella mushrooms with angel hair pasta. like i said, good.

i guess it started when we sat down as girlfriend goes, oh, you want to sit on this side so you can watch. yeah, i like to sit where i can watch. i don’t like surprises and i don’t like to rely on other people to pick up on shit going down that may or may not suck us into something awful. capice? so everything is fine. though we are getting looks and the staff is being overly nice. 3 or 4 people wanted to know if we wanted anything. no, we’re fine, the waiter is looking after us.

by the time the meal arrived the whispers were in the air. mob. mafia. it’s been awhile. but it’s part of my life, occasionaly. it can be annoying but at times fun. at any rate, when i went into the pasta, sans the spoon, and rolled up a nice tight clump in a nano second things got really interesting. the godfather. i’m like, jesus, folks i’m just an old douche bag italian guy. give it a rest. but, nah, i got into it. the busboys couldn’t help but sneak a look. i’d catch them and give them a thumbs up or wiggle my eyebrows, ala groucho. the workers had the place a buzz. by the time we had dessert and i got an after dinner drink, frangelica straight up, you would have thought al capone was in the joint. the frangelica was more like a glass of wine. the most i’ve ever seen. all in all a nice time. i had fun. the food was good enough so we will go back. i wonder what that will be like?

jmh

new stuff. to this day i still get looks and whispers about the sinatra thing. usually in las vegas. it’s amusing. some folks are like stunned with jaw dropping looks. i smile and keep on moving. vegas is also good for being mistaken for tony soprano as well. what can i say? years ago i was often mistaken for a cop. i wasn’t a cop but i never did fix their mistaken idea. i let it ride. same with tony soprano. it’s usually early in the morning and i’m by myself wandering through a casino trying to find some coffee. mostly it’s bored dealers or pit bosses. hey, tony soprano is in the house. like i said earlier people talk much to loud at times. i ignore them and keep on truckin’. it’s all about how you carry yourself and i have james gondolfini’s lumbering tony walk down. an expensive sport coat and a few other props it’s bada boom bada bing.

i was at an upscale bar in a beverly hills hotel. alone. the brown eyed girl was in the hospital there in the hills. i’d been at the bar for a while drinking and chatting with the bartender. he moved to the other end of the bar. a bus boy wandered in and almost crapped his pants. he tells the bartender, my god, there’s a mob guy at the bar. the bartender laughed. so did i. the bartender is like, no. he’s just some old italian guy. chill out.

during that time i was also frequenting a certain delicatessen near the hospital. often for breakfast and dinner. i was always treated very well and i tipped accordingly. one evening i’m having dinner and this guy comes in. the manager nods in my direction and the guy says, i have no idea who he is. i’m like ok. fine. interesting. a couple of days later it’s dinner again and another guy comes in. same thing thing. manager nods toward me. the guy says, he must be east coast. i don’t know why he’s here. then he leaves. ah, yes. speaking too loud in public. always interesting what you hear.

one of my favorite mistaken mob guy deals was another time in las vegas about a year ago. our room wasn’t ready so the brown eyed girl and i went into a bar on the casino floor to have a drink and wait for our room. we were at a table. the bartender served us i tipped him a few bucks and he went to the bar to talk with some guy. then he disappeared. we’re sipping our drinks when i see this guy coming up in from the casino. big guy. obviously italian. he’s in a hurry and he’s wearing a purple velour like sweatsuit with lots of gold chains around his neck. no shit. he got closer then realized i wasn’t who he was looking for or not who he was told to go look for. an abrupt about face and he was gone. never saw him again.

there are other times as well. i’m sure there will be more. i don’t have a problem with it. i get treated very nicely and left alone. fine with me.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 5

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for some reason the football community continues to administer self inflicted gun shot wounds into their foot while said foot is firmly placed in their mouth. college and pros alike. a reckoning not so long down the road is coming. sane people are finally waking up to the fact the idiots and insane are running the asylum and have been for a good number of years. i’m also no where near being some sort of politically correct stooge or brain dead weasel. just sayin’. stupid stuff has been ignored for far too long in college and pro ball. the time has come to pay the piper and if that piper gets stiffed again this time around with loads of grandiose plans and fixes that go no where or do nothing, like with the NCAA all the time and the NFL most of the time, it’s time to stop watching football. when the money train stops they will fix stuff. guaranteed. if we can’t be civilized in our game playing and at home or school then we are no better than say, ISIS, or whatever it is they’re calling themselves this week.

yes, mom whacked me with whatever she could lay her hands on at times when i was a kid and dad laid the belt on me a few times as well. but not when i was a one year old, reggie bush. neither of them ever drew blood and by the time i was 7 or 8 i realized if i did what i was told i wouldn’t get whacked. pretty simple really.

times change. spare the rod and spoil the child is no longer valid. sure nobody asked you. it’s like a lot of stuff. nobody asks you and it just goes down. deal with it. hitting a woman has never been cool. never. unless of course she’s packing, cocked and locked with you in the cross-hairs then be my guest. though you may be very deserving in getting your shit blown away.

if you think what’s going on in college and pro ball is somehow going to affect your first amendment rights to freedom of speech you haven’t been paying attention for decades. sadly, maybe even longer. there is no freedom of speech in this country and there hasn’t been any for a long ass time. it left long before elvis ever permanently left the building.

week 5 is here and we finally get a nice slate of games. picking the 10 wasn’t easy. a good thing, this time around, when you actually have a number of worthwhile watchable games and you have to leave a few on the table. imagine that. why can’t it be that way coming out of the blocks? week 4s picks were another stab at mediocrity. the only good thing being was i went 5 for 10 with my over all now being 17 for 40. plus, i did pick utah, miss st and clemson.

never forget this insanity is for entertainment purposes only. got it? using anything here to try and gain an edge over some sort of legal or illegal sports betting type thing would be totally asinine and possibly be in certifiable 51-50 territory. capisco? do not do it. keep your wallet where it belongs in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-25 texas tech @ oklahoma st. oklahoma st favored by 14.5 points. tech has it’s passing game going again this year. the only trouble with that is their schedule, 2 road kills then arkansas. the cowboys, on the other hand, were semi impressive in losing to florida st in game one. followed by a couple of wins over also rans, which i guess was good enough to put them into the top 25. the cowboys at home. take them to win or cover the points.

9-25 ucla @ arizona st. ucla favored by 5.5 points. the PAC(8)(10)12 heats up further with 2 PAC south undefeated schools meeting up in the desert southwest. the bruins get the schedule edge in this thursday night couch, beer and pizza game. well, at least for us out here. the 10pm east coast time might be a bit late for that action if you have to go to work on friday morning. take the bruins to win or cover the spread.

9-27 s. florida @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 33 points. the badgers are currently the top rushing team in the nation. they faired well in losing to lsu in their opener then rolled over a couple of road kills. the bulls are struggling with everyone. up one week down the next.  a bundle of points but i’m taking wisconsin to win and cover.

9-27 arkansas @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 10 points. a&m has been impressive so far this season. their passing game is still first rate. too bad their schedule hasn’t been. granted they did beat up on the gamecocks in week one but rice did give them some trouble. the razorbacks best win was against texas tech and they did put some points up in losing to auburn. the aggies are usually a handful at home. take the aggies to win and cover.

9-27 stanford @ washington. stanford favored by 6.5 points. the trees come off a weeks rest after losing to usc. usc being their only quality game this season. this is the huskies first real test of the year even though they’re undefeated so far. we’ll see if coach petersen’s firm hand has them up for their first PAC north brawl. luckily the game is at home. going with the gut here. take the huskies to at least get inside the points.

9-27 missiouri @ s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 6 points. the tigers were stunned by indiana last week. while the gamecocks seem to be gathering some steam. this SEC east match-up should be one of the better games of the weekend. missiouri makes a comeback. take the tigers to win or get inside the spread.

9-27 boise st @ air force. boise st favored 13.5 points. the falcons running game is still in top 10 territory and they’ve had an extra week to prepare for the broncos at home. always trouble for just about anyone playing air force. i’m on an upset roll here. take the falcons to at the least get inside the spread.

9-27 notre dame @ syracuse. notre dame favored by 14 points. the orange men were tripped up by maryland last week in a stunner, at least for me. touchdown jesus with an extra week to get ready should be in fine form even on the road. take the golden domers to win and cover.

9-27 baylor @ iowa st. baylor favored by 22 points. possibly the best game of the week. 8pm eastern on FOX. both squads coming off an off week. the cyclones last game was their stunning win over iowa which was predicted right here. baylor is sorta like georgia was last year. being that i’m lost as to just why they’re a top 10 team while playing the worst opening 4 games of anyone in the country. yes, they’re number one in scoring but who wouldn’t be against the bowling pins they’ve knocked over so far? the bears first real test of the season and they get to go cyclone country. too bad for them. take iowa st to at the least get inside the points.

9-27 oregon st @ usc. the trojans sat it out last week after their stunning loss to boston college the previous week. the only good thing about that was they got to miss a couple of days of our over 100 degree temps we went through here in socal that week. the trojans need to get back on track and let’s hope that the sark has/is doing just that. coach riley and the beaves hopefully will have their hands full this week at the colosseum with the trojans and riley’s favorite burgers, in-n- out. mine as well. 2 double doubles animal style, please. i digress. a good game. take the trojans to win and cover the points. FIGHT ON!!!

finally a fine week of of college football. plenty of games worth watching for a change. it almost makes up for the first 4 weeks of, meh. fatty red protein is back on the fire. charred to a perfect medium rare. a gallon of dago red and no wine glasses with stems allowed. i came to that epiphany a while back after realizing my mom’s dad never used a wine glass with a stem. as a matter of fact they didn’t even own any stemmed wine glasses. none of my other italian relatives did either back when i was a kid. it’s time to go old school wine drinking once again. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 4

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for some reason unknown to but a very few the college football season is very slow getting out of the box this year. slower than any i can remember and i’ve been around for many many moons, pilgrims. the sheer crappiness of the first four weeks of games amazes me. it wasn’t easy picking my 10 games this week. i knew i was in trouble when i first laid eyes on it. oofa. to be fair, it isn’t the first time i’ve done this but i started at the bottom or last game of the day and worked my way up the schedule. fingers crossed and helplessly hoping i’d actually find my 10 games. hence, a good number of them, on a real college football weekend, i’d have nothing to do with. ever.

at any rate, remember this is for entertainment purposes only. that statement ought to pretty obvious considering my gawd awful start to this seasons picks. i had another 3 for 10 last week and i’m now 12 for 30 over all. taking any information from here and using it anywhere legal or otherwise sports betting is offered would be stupid, lame and detrimental to your financial health. do not do it. keep your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket. and nobody gets hurt. the odds here may change over the week but i don’t care. what i have here is what i go by to determine my wins and losses for the week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-18 auburn @ kansas st. auburn favored by 7.5 points. this could possibly turn into a decent game. an early season week off tigers might give them an even larger edge over the wildcats. being a thursday night game also makes it watchable. right? sure, i suppose. take auburn to win and cover the points.

9-20 maryland @ syracuse. syracuse favored by 1.5 points. a toss up. probably a yawner. take the orange men and the points.

9-20 utah @ michigan. michigan favored by 6.5 points. big blue has it’s hands full this week with the utes hitting town. take utah to at least get inside the spread.

9-20 florida @ alabama. alabama favored by 15 points. as usual the tide rolls along. if they were playing the other florida team it would be much more, shall we say amusing. however, they aren’t. take the tide at home to win and cover the points.

9-20 rutgers @ navy. no points a toss up. wake me when it’s over. since i have to pick someone i’ll take navy for the win.

9-20 mississippi st @ lsu. lsu favored by 10 points. possibly a sleeper but not in the sense of the rutgers/navy game. what the heck i’m taking miss st to get inside the points.

9-20 clemson @ florida st. florida st favored by 18.5 points. there’s a distinct possibility this is the game of the week. take clemson to get inside the spread.

9-20 miami(fl) @ nebraska. nebraska favored by 7.5 points. the cornhuskers offensive line and backfield will make it a miserable day for the canes. take nebraska to win and cover.

9-20 san diego st @ oregon st. oregon st favored by 10 points. coach riley has the beaves off to a nice start. the aztecs have had an extra week to prepare. i’ll take that extra week and the aztecs to ruin the beaves saturday.

9-20 oregon @ washington st. oregon favored by 24 points. at least it isn’t in the mid 40s this week. the ducks should roll but with a bad spread and mariota sitting out the final half again things could go south. point wise like last weeks game. probably too many points again but i have to take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!!!

another sad saturday slate of simply sordid college ball is here. i guess we embrace it or find something else to do. sad but true. i haven’t looked at week 5 yet. i’m afraid to. yes, well, maybe we can shake off this bad college football juju if we pull out the 10 quart pot and cook up 8 or 9 quarts of red meat sauce. get up early, do the mise en place and get started before the first game starts. by game time you’ll have it all simmering away, covered of course, for the rest of the day. don’t forget to stir it once in a while. send me $1,000 and i’ll send you my recipe for my saturday sunday any day you have the time gravy along with a few other tips to ensure a restaurant worthy top of the line michelin star bolognese. when it’s ready be sure to over sauce some pasta and drink plenty of dago red. or on the other hand, send me 2 first class airline tickets along with the grand and a 5 star hotel reservation for the brown eyed girl and i. you do that and i’ll cook it up at your place. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 3

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i had a pretty decent week last week with a 6 for 10 showing. plus, picking iowa st, san diego st and usc to beat the points made my weekend for sure. though i doubt very many folks had the first two especially iowa st. more on them later. my over all going into this week is 9 for 20. something that needs work and hopefully it gets done this week. time tells.

well, it’s week three of the season and i had high hopes of finding some high octane math-ups for the coming weekend. was i ever sadly mistaken. finding this weeks games was just as difficult as it was last week. i guess i just want to see the big boys duke it out all season long and the last four standing hit the playoff circuit. playing dead end lower end schools should be left for them to play amongst themselves and whoever is left in that sorry lot can plunk down in some crappy bowl game somewhere. is that too freaking much to ask? unfortunately, apparently it is.

always remember this is for entertainment purposes only. taking anything here as betting advice or using anything here in order to gain an edge in vegas or at your local underground sports book would be totally insane and stupid. do not do it. keep your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket. and nobody gets hurt. also, the points pointed here are what i use to determine my wins and losses for the week. the spreads may change over the course of the week but it matters not to me as i have a life outside of here.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-13 boise st @ connecticut. no line at the time of this being published. interesting, what? neither school was impressive in winning last week. one could even say they were actually lucky to win against pretty poor opponents. none the less, maybe the broncos will have the long travel time down for this week. a toss up, i have to take boise st to win.

9-13 louisville @ virginia. louisville favored by 7 points. at least these two teams put some points on the board while beating up on some road kill last week. this might be a good game all things considered. especially with it being played on the cavaliers home court. i don’t know i have a feeling virginia gets inside the points. take the cavaliers and the points.

9-13 wyoming @ oregon. oregon favored by 43 points. oh my. the cowboys are 2-0 but they’re going to have to score more than 17 points again this time around if they want to get anywhere near ‘close’ by the end of the game. heady territory for the cowboys in duck country and the stadium that is autzen. my beloved ducks on the other hand seem to be playing the deja vu all over again dance. starting slow then kicking it into overdrive once they realize that things aren’t going that well. the thump they eventually put on the spartans should be very satisfying to the duck faithful. and a shot across the bow of all the other big shots. however, i for one could use a tad less drama and would appreciate just getting the job done sooner rather than later. mariota’s star shown when he began to turn things around. stunning. an oil tanker loaded to the gills with points for this one. 43 points. am i that stupid? probably. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!!!

9-13 iowa st @ iowa. iowa favored by 13 points. a very early state bragging rights rivalry game here, kids. the cyclones looked outstanding in losing to kansas st last week but seemed to run out of gas in the latter part of the fourth quarter. that being said, long time readers know i like the cyclones to toss a monkey wrench or two into someones season every year. last weeks point spread win was a signal flare. i just hope they didn’t leave too much on the field against the wildcats. at any rate, this is a fairly evenly matched game every year. and one my late dad always loved. he was an iowa farm boy. so, i have to take the cyclones one more time. perhaps even a win here. take iowa st and the points.

9-13 georgia @ s.carolina. georgia favored by 6 points. georgia whipped up on clemson and has had two weeks to get ready for this game. the gamecocks on the other hand seem to be struggling a bit so far this year. take georgia to win and cover the points.

9-13 usc @ boston college. usc favored by 20 points. the trojans make the long east coast trek for week three following their defensive battle with the trees in palo alto. the sark has thing clicking right along and it would be nice if the offense puts a few more points up this weekend. so far the trojans are the PAC sleeper. i hope they stay the course. you have to give the other catholic school props for scheduling usc. good for them. though the eagles generally aren’t a sisters of the poor team they aren’t anywhere near a floutie squad anymore either. if the offense and defense catch the plane then the bus to the stadium things should go well for the men of troy. take usc to win and cover the spread. FIGHT ON!!!

9-13 tennessee @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 21 points. the sooners are putting some points on the board. yes, against nothing stellar. the vols are winning as well against some what better teams. however, this is their first road trip for the year and in top 10 territory. probably just a bit too much for tennessee to handle at this point. take the sooners to win and cover.

9-13 ucla @ texas. ucla favored by 7.5 points. i’m not sure what happened last week in the rose bowl. other than the fact the bruin defense left early. perhaps it was too hot for them. i don’t know. coach mora needs to get the offense and defense on the same page if they want to claim the pre-season hype tossed their way. the longhorns struggled and did not look good against byu last week. yes, they ran over the road kill the week before but the cougars and the bruins are far from kissin’ cousins tech. coach strong has his hands full. both coaches are in the same boat. but at least coach mora seems to have more to work with. PAC(8)(10)12 homer says, take the bruins to win and cover.

9-13 rice @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 31.5 points. my first look at the aggies and their passing game does seem to be for real. however, their first real test doesn’t hit the turf until the middle of october. so, we’ll just have to wait and see. my dentist’s daughter goes to rice. my dentist is also a big football fan. she went to ucla. what does it all mean? i wish i knew. it looks like the aggies win another even considering the huge spread. take texas a&m to win and cover the points.

9-13 arizona st @ colorado. arizona st favored by 14.5 points. the sun devils have had it fairly easy so far this year. though bob davie’s lobos did put some points on the board in losing to az st last week even with all the off field issues the lobos have had to deal with so far this year. and they probably haven’t seen the end of that action either. i digress. colorado has more than likely seen the end of their winning streak for the season. though to be fair, they play hawaii next week. my point in all this? other than the fact i’m sure we can probably all agree that arizona st will probably win. take the sun devils to win and cover the spread.

there they are this weeks picks and predictions. some real clinkers but hey what’s a poor boy to do? but crank up the barbie throw down mass quantities of all that stuff your doctor keeps telling you to stay away from and chase it down with plenty of dago red. or some other fermented beverage. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh