the other day i needed to pick up a couple of items from GNC, general nutrition center. not sure if they are a national or world-wide deal and it prolly doesn’t really matter because they really aren’t the point of this trip into my dyslexia and insanity.
i knew where there was one over past de onta and ulo but it’s been hot and it was afternoon time so i figured there must be one in cuca. it’s closer. i got the huge phone book tome out and sure enough. bingo. gnc in cuca. i had the address. what could go wrong? yeah, right.
off i went. east on route 66. get your kicks on route 66. bobby troupe. someone else to look up, kids.
sports talk on the car radio. thankfully basketball is over. 8 months of the stuff…veering…i’m doing ok until i hit the semi sorta new vast shopping area in cuca that ain’t THE vast new shopping area in cuca.
some city planner on acid and 99% peruvian flake drew this place up while being serviced by hookers out of ‘the sopranos’ and a tony soprano wet dream. what the fuck? where am i?
i drove around for a while and the addresses on the buildings were of no help. seeemingly jumping here and there. i was going in circles. i even ended up in the back of the place. going in circles. i was crossing streets and going in circles in an eerily ‘twilight zone’ like shopping mall nightmare.
then i saw it. not the bleeding store but a sign on a signpost. fuck, yeah. just like in ‘the twilight zone’. old dead rod serling standing there smoking a camel straight or some damn thing and laughing at me. but no, the signpost did have a large GNC on it and an arrow pointing. what direction? i didn’t know as i was already past it and had to go in another smaller circle to get another look at the fucker.
i’d lost all semblance of patience by this time and was in no mood for the usual parking lot dumb fucks. horn blasting at the dim witted twits. yelling and cursing. i finally made it back to the signpost.
yes, GNC and the arrow. god, finally, i must be close. that way. well, in my addled state my demon dyslexia had reared it’s ugly head. yes, kids, the wires were crossed and i saw the arrow pointing the wrong way. of bloody course.
so i made a few more circles. what? fucking sign!! there’s no GNC this way. jesus fucking h. chrysler!!! out of my way asshole!!! can’t you see i’ve reached the end of my rope and i’m still driving in circles??!!
a mission that should have been nothing more than a walk in the hot sun. simple on it’s face but deadly in it’s insidious reality. ask lt. calley about that one.
ok. so i had to get back to that damn signpost again. i needed to see it again. that blasted arrow. see it and rod serling. leering and mocking. blowing second hand smoke in my face. god, the horror.
i went by the sign post again and sure enough. the damn arrow was pointing in another direction. fucked again by demon dyslexia. what else is new?
i looked north and there it was. sorta hidden but i could see the g and n on the store facade. vallhalla. i’d found it. finally.
the moral of this sad tale of insanity? simple. drug test city planners, city building officials, city commissioners, and the mayor, hourly. yes, hourly. they are all mad with greed, lust, and full of vile drugs and drink making them want to do even more awful horrible things to an unsuspecting public. trust me on this one, kids.
no one was hurt, no cars were damaged during that trip down old route 66. the only damage was to my fragile psychie.
route 66 east bound cucamonga.
music provided by, the allman bros, ‘elizabeth reed’, just to mention one of the tunes turned up to VERY VERY LOUD.