it was mary and she had typhoid

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it couldn’t have been mary mallon aka typhoid mary.  ms mallon has been dead and gone for many a year.  if you don’t know who mary mallon was you really should take the time to google her story.  interesting stuff and scary as well.  but she isn’t the reason i’m here or for writing this.  however, the blog is in a similar vein.

ex g/f and i were at the airport in vancouver, bc, waiting for our flight back to lax and the official end of our alaska excursion.  we had tiredly plopped down into those uncomfortable airport waiting area seats.  from behind us we heard this woman cough.  a nasty dry hacking cough.  both of us can and do give adrian monk a run for his money.  we both alerted like a deer catching the scent of humans during hunting season. 

shit.  she’s sick.

i know.  we need to move.

yeah, over there.

so we moved about as far away as we could get and still keep an eye on the gate and be ready to leap into action when the time occurred.  we had left typhoid mary behind.  for the moment.

several hours later we boarded the plane.  earlier than we were supposed to due to this guy catching sight of us and waving his hand at us to come on down.  we were on board right after the first class folks.  sweet.

all was sweetness and light for maybe ten minutes.  then horror of horrors typhoid mary is seated right behind us.  still dry hacking away and looking like warmed over shit.

jesus christ.  we’re fucked.

we need to move.

we can’t right now.  we have to wait and see if there are any empty seats.  maybe we’ll get lucky like on the flight to anchorage.

so there we sat.  ex g/f with neck craned looking for a couple of empty seats together and occasionally shooting mary a nasty look.  there weren’t two empty seats together.  there were a few empty seats but i reasoned if we moved to any of them we would get stuck on the plane forever at lax while we had to fight our way back to where our carry ons were.  ex g/f grudgingly agreed. 

mary hacked away the whole flight.  she actually had the row to herself and stretched out more or less.  then fitfully slept on the ride to lax.  of course, coughing most of the time.

ok.  so here’s the point of this unless i veer off into something else.  bleeding airlines.  they refuse to put air purification systems on the planes.  we breathe the same foul air over and over again on all flights.  the longer the flight the longer you are inhaling whatever the hell is in the air.  a nasty thought.

yes, of course airlines are cheap and get cheaper every day.  oh, the fuel costs are killing us.  so, no more stale pretzels and you have to pay $100 more for any luggage weighing more than a sparrow.  your carry on?  we are tossing it out over the pacific. 

so why don’t they make sick fuckers like typhoid mary wear a damn surgical mask like the chinese and japanese do in the winter time?  it’s a simple and cheap thing. 

oh, my poor dear, you look dreadful.  are you ill?

why, yes, i am.  thanks for your concern.

tsk tsk tsk.  how awful for you to be traveling while you are sick. 

yes.  yes, it is.

well, we here at cheap ass airline feel your pain.  however, with all due respect, we need you to put this surgical mask on and keep it on for the duration of your flight.  ok?  if you choose not to wear it we will toss your sorry ass out with the carry ons over the pacific.  capice?

ah, lovely, a simple solution to the sick that infect airline cabins all over this land and over other lands as well.  so why won’t they do something about it?  you got me.  oh, yeah, that airline blanket typhoid mary used to cover herself with?  the airlines don’t clean and or replace them very often if at all.  they just fold em back up and stick them back in the overhead storage bins where your carry ons used to be.

jmh

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