this past wednesday night provided a glimpse of things to come. tame by the usual standards but still strange enough to wet the appetite for more total unabridged insanity. can the gout be far behind? i want to court that almost arcane disease and become it’s mad lusty suitor. perhaps to walk the streets with my foot bandaged in linen. a silver tipped cane in my hand. a jaunty top hat on my head. ah, yes.
however, before i go i want drag a couple of things out of the vault. it’s oscar weekend and time to celebrate the movies i don’t go and see anymore. both of the oldies are movie and/or oscar related ditties. i hope you find them amusing. i’ll see you when i get back here to the land of la la’s and the valley of smoke. peace to you all.
yeah, oscar night, it’s tonight. it ain’t what it used to be. then of course just what the hell is? i don’t go to movies anymore. the whole experience is just annoying these days on all sorts of levels. i buy em instead. cheap. watch em at home. very seldom anything new. for the most part the old stuff of my youth or somewhat newer stuff. yeah, even the stuff from before i was born. movies i can watch. movies i can relate to. movies that might even mean something to this old scarred and pissed off lion. all that being said, i have something for this used to be, sacred evening. something sad and tragic. my take on one of the last sad acts of the original king of cool, steve mcqueen.
the dust and heat…
hung in the tijuana air like a freeze frame from hell. cars honked and clamored looking for an inch in which to move. nothing ever did. in sunglasses and old clothes he moved through it all. no one knew him. he moved slowly looking for the place. if you looked at him closely you could see the disease at work. taking what was left of his life and mocking him with each painful step. finally the place. the earthly waiting room for hell.
the bell above the door tinkled when he opened it. as the door closed the hell from the streets outside stopped and the smell of the office over came him. a small greasy headed man got up from behind an equally greasy desk and spoke.
ah, senor bullet, you have come.
yes, on the phone, you said you could help me?
si. yes, i can. por favor, follow me.
through the cluttered outer office and into the dank dismal treatment rooms they went. a strange but familiar odor growing in the man’s nose. the small mexican finally stopped at a dirty examination table. he turned and said.
please, senor, you must deesrobe.
ok. the man replied.
he was resigned to it. it was all that was left. this final sad humility of an approaching death. a last chance stop on the road of life.
hokay, meester bullet, now you must assept these enemas of the coffees to cure you cancers. por favor, on the tables. you must spread you nalgas for
a tear formed in the corner of his eye as the man moved to comply. only to be used as substance by a very large nasty house fly.
outside the dust, heat, and noise, for that moment, stopped. something had gone from us all. forever. in an instant they all began to move. again. to oppress. again. moving us closer to this hell on earth.
ok. so if i was gonna do this desert island movie deal on the same desert island i’m doing my desert island music along with a couple of hot asian babes and some nice iced chinese beer or bottle of vino or three or some very very cold absolut. yeah, it’s a run-on sentence going nowhere. i’d be needing me either a nice theater set-up or a 62 ford falcon wagon in which to watch and play around in while the movies were playing on the large drive-in screen or flat screen tv. though i guess when you really think about it they are actually one in the same. just from different eras. but both the same. drifting i know. but you have to set stuff up or it’s…
1. ‘the godfather 1 & 2’. no doubt. it has to be right up on top. plus they have to be as one. though there’s a case to be made for part 3 as well. it doesn’t sing at all and it sucks but it does sorta round stuff out. 3 ain’t on the list.
2. ‘apocalypse now’. i originally saw this in one of those old cinerama dome thingys and i was ducking bullets. a great movie. i’m still not sure if i like the re-deux deal he did a few years ago. i think it slows things down and just gets in the way of the other stuff.
3. ‘abbott and costello meet frankenstein’. yeah, boy, this is right up in the top ain’t it? it should be. my goodness, you have bud and lou at their finest along with bella, lon jr, and frankie. though not boris’ frank but good enough. i saw this one for the first time on tv as a little kid one halloweenie night. it scared the crap out of me while i was laughing at bud and lou.
4. ‘full metal jacket’. love you long time and me so horny. yeah, baby. not as dreamy as number 2 on this list but it gets the job done. stellar.
5. ‘good fellas’. a great movie and i watch it every chance i get even if it’s on cable loaded up with commercials. plus it’s got tony soprano’s shrink in it and she is still one of the hottest non-asian babes going.
6. ‘invasion of the body snatchers’. the original b/w deal. another scary movie. this one supposedly has cold war overtones. i was always too scared to notice any of that in the movie.
7. ‘she wore a yellow ribbon’. you have to have the duke in any top ten movie list or you really aren’t paying attention to the movies. it could be any movie from his vast catalog but one or more must be in there. she wore a yellow ribbon is a great film about old soldiers and being in love. also see number 10.
8. ‘a fistful of dollars’. if only for bringing clint to the screen so he could do what he did after this one. none the less it re-wrote cowboy movies. one more time.
9. ‘stagecoach’. the original b/w version though the outlaw color version with willy, kris and waylon is pretty good too. just goes to show what a good script and idea can do if you let it roll. plus it’s that other duke film i was talking about. yeah, the comancheros, rio bravo, the searchers, the quiet man, fort apache, the sands of iwo jima…
10. ‘my darling clementine’. well, it’s hank fonda doing what he did so well along with john ford and monument valley doing what they both did so well. as a matter of fact monument valley is still doing it to this very day. a glorious place. when visiting be sure to stop at the burger king and visit the ww2 navajo code talkers shrine inside the burger king. yes, it’s a bit surreal but what about life isn’t?
there they are my top 10 desert island movies. of course, i’ve left off numerous good ones. then there’s ‘pulp fiction’. ouch. i still don’t get that one and i’ve never been able to sit thru the whole thing and yes i’ve tried a few times and i really don’t want to hear how great the movie is ok? thanks. because i do not like it. period. same goes for ‘gone with the wind’. that one i’ve sat thru. several times. unfortunately.
then there’s oliver stone. i guess it’s because i don’t care for his work. the only movie by him i actually enjoyed was ‘natural born killers’. the rest of his stuff i have no use for.
sure there’s ‘dr strangelove’, ‘the pink panther’ series with peter, antonino’s cult classic ‘blow-up’, zeffirelli’s ‘romeo and juliet’, ‘bullet’, ‘the big sleep’, ‘the african queen’, ‘treasure of the sierra madre’, ‘bonnie and clyde’, ‘the wild bunch’, ‘the magnificent 7’, ‘the bellboy’, ’12 o’clock high’, ‘psycho’, ‘north by northwest’, fellini, ‘vertigo’…i think you get the drift. amazing stuff. plus there’s scores and scores more.
we all have our favorites. some are the same and some aren’t even on the same planet. doesn’t matter. damn, let’s just nuke some popcorn up and slip a dvd into the machine. kick back and enjoy.