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hot dogs for breakfast

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jerry stood at the kitchen sink. a bit off to the side of it in front of the bay window. the sky was cloudy grey and he could see the tall dormant sycamores in the dim early morning light. their long leafless limbs reaching upward. he was eating a hot dog.it was nestled in a single piece of wheat bread. his early morning dog consisted of swiss cheese, mustard, mayo, along with bread and butter pickle slices and a handful of potato chips on the side. it usually served as his go to breakfast. though there was something to be said about grits mixed with creme fresh, parmesan, and topped with a fried egg covered with a generous dollop of his homemade asian chili sauce. finishing the sandwich he chased it with a glass of milk. the glass emptied the carton.

he rinsed off the dish and glass then set them in the sink to be washed later. probably after dinner. probably being the operative word. it was time for work. not work in it’s usual sense. jerry hadn’t worked in several months. though he had a job. a semi full time job working for a janitorial service. one afternoon he decided to not go into work. that one afternoon had stretched into a month or more. he hadn’t bothered to call the office. and they hadn’t bothered to call him. the company keys still sat in a drawer by the back door. he’d been living on his GI bill college benefit. a meager sum to be sure. he would probably have to go back to work soon because he’d given up on going to school as well. once the VA realized he was no longer in school that check would stop. that would probably happen soon enough.

it really didn’t matter to jerry. not much did. what mattered was having enough money to live on with enough left over for a few quarts of colt .45 and some decent smoke everyday. cigarettes too. the real ones. not the crap in the can or bag which left you to roll your own. he’d been doing that for the past couple of weeks. if there was one thing that would get him back to work it would be his need for ready made cigarettes and decent smoke. one could always scrape up enough cash for some malt liquor. regardless.

his job that morning was to go through some stems and seeds one last time in order to cull enough weed to get him through the day. he thought there was a slim chance at finding enough for at least one large joint. jerry pulled the baggie of seeds and stems from the cupboard along with some rolling papers and a shoe box lid. he sat at the kitchen table and slowly went went through what was left in the baggie. it had started out as a couple of ounces of some very nice jamaican weed. heady stuff. he’d scored it along with several grams of peruvian flake back when he had what could almost be said plenty of cash. sort of. jerry had paid for the smoke but the coke had been a credit deal. a credit deal which would soon become payable.

the only sound in the house was the seeds dropping onto the shoe box lid. he’d lift one end up where the seeds lay and slowly lift a few up with an old playing card. a jack of diamonds. the process wasn’t unlike panning for gold. that analogy wasn’t lost on jerry. the seeds ended up at the bottom and the dope, which was lighter, stayed up on the top. he kept it up for a half hour or so until all the seeds from the baggie had been carefully gone through. then he carefully picked over the stems once again. when he was finished he figured he had enough for a nice after dinner smoke.

the problem being there wouldn’t be anything to get him through the day. as he was still sitting at the table rolling up his last lonely joint the phone rang. jerry glanced at the phone as he licked the glue on the rolling paper and gave the smoke a last flick of the fingers. he dropped the blunt on top of the seeds and got up to answer the phone.

hello?

jerry? it’s sid.

the coke on credit had just come due. he bolstered up what he thought was some bravado but doubted sid was buying any of it.

hey, sid, what’s up?

not much. look, the reason i’m calling is i haven’t heard from you and my end is looking for their final payment. i need my money.

ah, shit. yeah, man i um been meaning to get down there. you know work school and all…

yeah, i get it. when can i expect you?

tomorrow evening at the latest.

ok. i’ll be seeing you soon then.

you got it. later, man.

later.

jerry hung up the phone. said, shit, and realized he wasn’t going to be heading down to sid’s place anytime soon. or anytime at all ever again for that matter. sadly, it meant no more flake for sure. ah, well. at least smoke was easier to find. you just needed some cash. thankfully, sid had no idea where he lived. no idea other than the city. sighing he went back to the table. as he was about to toss the stems and seeds out a thought hit him. tea. he’d never done it but he could brew up some tea with the stems and seeds.

he filled pot up with water and sat it on the stove. he turned on the burner and went to the fridge. he found an old lemon with some life left in it and sliced it up. by the time the water was boiling he was looking forward to his home brew. he turned off the gas and dropped the lemon slices into the hot water. then he carefully put the stems into the pot. he used a spoon to get them submerged. he followed with the seeds. putting a lid on the concoction he left it to steep. he needed some music.

he thumbed through his LP collection searching for something that fit the mood and the day. he settled upon frank zappa’s semi jazzy, ‘waka jawaka’. long instrumentals that made him think of rain and snow. very soothing. the music filled the house. jerry sat on the couch almost drifting off to sleep. the sound of the turntable turning itself off roused him. he flipped the LP over then he started side two. he figured the tea had sat long enough and went back into the kitchen.

the kitchen smelled of something. almost unpleasant. he lifted the lid on the pot and the smell grew stronger. it was tinged with lemon. the water had turned a dark color and was still warm. jerry thought of english breakfast tea. he found a mug and carefully poured some of the liquid into it. smelled it. held his breath and drank. he nailed the cup all at once. cringed a bit then thought it wasn’t all that bad. just different. he filled the mug again and drank. ok, he thought, now i wait.

while waiting he finished dressing and decided he should hit the grocery store while he still had some cash. filling the car’s gas tank was also in order. deciding he wasn’t feeling anything from his tea he thought it had been a waste of time and energy as he turned off the music and headed out the door to his ride and the store.

the drive to the store was uneventful. though as he was parking he began to feel THC jolts up his spine. by the time he got inside the store it was obvious his shopping trip was probably a big mistake. he was getting blown away. not a bad thing but he wasn’t so sure about getting home now. he was also sure a shopping trip alone and high wasn’t a good idea as well. as he turned to leave the floor rose to meet him and began grow wavy. great. just fucking great were his thoughts. things were going to get weird.

as he got to the exit he realized not scoring some malt liquor for that night would be stupid. hopefully there was something at home for dinner. he turned around and made his purchase. the checker turned out to be a pretty young thing around his age that he hadn’t seen or noticed before. hopefully, he’d remember her.

carefully driving home he tried to remember when he had been this stoned before. the nam probably or before that a trip into l.a. to see the kinks live after taking some mescaline. he’d thought he was surfing and shooting the pier while going under the 405 and 10 underpass. his passengers hadn’t been very happy to hear that.

making it home in one piece was a relief. he put the colt .45 in the refrigerator and noticed some zucchini. dinner he thought as the phone rang. with any luck it wasn’t sid again. had he given the checker his number? he had no idea. he picked up the receiver.

yeah.

jerry?

larry?

it sounded like his work partner, larry mitchell.

yep. man, where you been? pete’s been fucking wondering and worrying.

ah, yeah, i bet.

you know the keys and all.

safe in a drawer in the kitchen.

ok. you planning on coming back to work? it’s been a while to say the least.

yeah, sure.

at least it finally dawned on pete to find out just what the fuck was going on. good ole pete. more concerned about the swinger parties he attended than anything else.

when?

fighting the high he said, tuesday. he thought today was saturday. though he wasn’t sure. at any rate, tuesday was their day they did the floors at a local denny’s. lots of change on the floor under the tables and in the creases of the booths. gas and malt liquor money.

ok.

yeah, see you at 2. the usual.

fine. i’ll tell pete. later, man.

ok.

as he hung up the phone he realized there was more tea left in the pot on the stove. it was going to be a good rest of the day of whatever day of the week it was. yeah, a good day.

jmh

2013-14 college football bowl game picks & predictions

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at long last we finally see the BCS BS drift out to sea with the tide on a flaming funeral pyre worthy of king odin himself. adieu, sweet BCS. we come not mourn it but to bury it. ah well, cheap prose aside, the brinks trucks will still be backing up to off load their small, used, and completely laundered cash to all the deans, AD’s, conference commissioners, TV executives, and all the other assorted college football hangers-on across this once great land. however, one of the great axioms of life, be careful what you wish for, looms around the corner. though that corner won’t be around till next year at this time.

bowl season. the extracurricular college football season meant to line the pockets of everyone far and wide in the land of the halls of ivy. of course, if you haven’t played your cards right you’re left out in the bowl cold. no golden cash cow for you, pilgrim. perhaps next year. or the year after. the carrot is dangled. hope springs eternal in the gloomy halls of the have nots and wannabes. next year, kids. next year.

i used to love bowl games. not anymore. yeah, there’s a handful i’ll tune into every year but the list grows shorter with the passing of time. plus i have a new wrinkle, this year DISH has added HBO on demand to their menu. woo hoo. ‘the sopranos’ in their six seasons of glory all there for the viewing. i have something else to watch now instead of my meager few bowl games. works for me. pass the dago red. i only have until december 31st or that’s what they say before tony and crew vanish. sure, i’ve got the whole thing in a boxed DVD set. but who knows how to run a DVD player anymore? ours just sits there like some brick-a-brack collecting dust so the cleaning lady can make the occasional feeble stab at dusting it.

yes, i know. you aren’t here for that. you want a bowl line-up run down. fine with me. you’ll get one. not all of them but a few i may or may not actually tune into while waiting for the next episode of ‘the sopranos’ to download. another sad fact of life is most of the bowl games are junk junkets at best. crack whores dressed as sexily clad sirens luring hicks and hucksters alike to warmer climes. come. spend your cash. watch your team play some other 6 and 6 team. either team may or may not be into said bowl or even playing football this time of year. but who cares? not us. bring your money on down. be drunken sailors on leave for a few days or better yet, a week. so what if you end up with a DUI or herpes or a six inch gash on the back of your head from that full can of PBR lobbed in your general direction during half time while you stood in line for 25 minutes so you could pee in a trough urinal with 10 or 15 of your new best friends. sweet. it doesn’t get any better than that. right? boy howdy, i’ll wager not.

it’s all about the money, kids. with some other stuff thrown in for good measure. football is on the list. somewhere. you may have to do some digging and if you’re very lucky you may even find it. off the top of my head i’m thinking you’ll probably find jimmy hoffa before you’ll find any football.

i don’t waste my time with points or spreads or whatever with the bowl games. just straight up picks. for those that are still reading and maybe even care a tad my overall percentage for my picks this season ended up at 61.3%. a good 10 points above my usual mediocrity.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12-21 las vegas bowl. fresno st vs usc. i may watch this game. or some of it. to bad cajun ed isn’t still around. the sark hire by the trojans is a head scratcher for sure. take the trojans. FIGHT ON!!!

12-30 alamo bowl. oregon vs texas. the ducks need to win this game in order to quell the ‘it’s a coaching problem’ talk. QUACK!!! QUACK!!!

12-31 sun bowl. virginia tech vs ucla. coach mora got a wagon load of money to stay at ucla. if he hadn’t he would have replaced sark in seattle. take ucla.

12-31 chick-fil-a bowl. miami vs texas a&m. one i’ll probably watch. it’s either johnny boys last college game or he begins his heisman campaign anew. hopefully, the month lay off hasn’t raised more issues with his off field behavior. take the aggies.

1-1 capital one bowl. s. carolina vs wisconsin. i’m hoping the capital one guys will be trotting out some new commercials as they’re generally good for a few laughs. the game? take the badgers.

1-1 the rose bowl. michigan st vs stanford. the grand pappy of em all. one i usually watch or at least some of it anyway. though no matter how snooty the bib and tucker crowd in pasadena tries to make the day it’s just another lackluster stab at debauchery and the dry heaves while running for some faded roses who’s smell was bred out of them years ago. there’s a kentucky derby simile in there some place. le gran pooh bah. the stale old vichy french could do no better. as the day drags on i suppose a game lurks about somewhere. the PAC(8)(10)12 vs the BIG 10(12)(?). the storied rivalry of your great grandparents played on the first day of the new born year. the san gabriel mountains glisten in the winter sun as a backdrop. they actually do turn purple as the sun sinks into the pacific. every year i pray for a deluge of biblical proportions if only to stem the tide of snowbirds fed up with their snow and cold. sadly,rain hasn’t happened in decades on jan 1. besides it’s already to late. that train left the tracks back in the early 60’s. however, it won’t stop me from my yearly ritual. the game? screw it. at this point who cares? not i, pilgrim. not i. however, if you do take stanford for the win.

1-6 BCS championship game. florida st vs auburn. the last one of it’s kind. ever. or that’s the thinking. though i guess there’s a possibility of it returning if the next deal doesn’t pan out. get real, that is a possibility. lots of stuff returns. kinda like the ‘touristas’ if you aren’t careful. hmmm. i don’t much care for this game and haven’t watched it in years. neither should you. why? it happens way too long after the season is over. plus, i’ll be busy getting ready for elvis’ birthday on the 8th. come on over. there’ll be drinks. way way to much fattening food. bowl upon bowl of all manner of pills. maybe even some demerol. that by the way is all a joke. i digress. the game itself is one long TV commercial with a few moments of football tossed in every once in a while. you could DVR it and watch it later but why? meh. let’s see. the rose bowl committee, escorts, and strippers from all over the world get another shot at fleecing the poor folk who come into town for the game. yeah, it off loads plenty of cash into the local economy. but you have to ask yourself, is it all worth it? probably not. yes, the chambers of commerce scalawags would argue otherwise. that’s their prerogative. and job. mine is to avoid them and their ilk whenever possible. i won’t be watching but i’d take florida st to win.

thanks for reading this and all my other football insanity this year. some of you get it. others, well, you know. i hope all of you have a joyous and merry christmas season. i hope santa brings you everything you want. sure why not? right? i also hope you have a healthy and prosperous new year. be safe. be semi sane. i’ll see you in nine months or so.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 14

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a rather dismal week 13 in more ways than one. my lone stand out prediction being oklahoma st beating baylor. once again i’ll take what little i can. the worst week of the season for me. i went 4 for 10 making my over all 81 for 130 after last weeks games. still nothing stellar but actually better than i usually am at this point in the year. hey, it’s another week and time to get back on track.

thanksgiving week used to be THE college football rivalry week. i suppose it still is to a certain extent but no where near like it used to be. though there are still enough of the old rivalries around to keep us old timers at least somewhat interested in the games being played this week. back in the days of my youth, and many lifetimes ago, thanksgiving day meant the men and boys in our family went to a juco football game that pitted the two local jc’s playing on turkey day. it was always a late morning game but it meant the family dinner was put off until much later in the day. it went on for a number of years but nona and the moms eventually won out. it also meant no more football games in person on turkey day. history. yawn.

this is for entertainment purposes only. using what’s presented here as legal or illegal wagering advise would be supremely stupid on your part. do not do it. if you really want to blow your paycheck send it to me and i’ll process it into my bank account free of charge. no vigorish either. such a deal. wire paladin, san francisco. i digress.

the points used here may or may not change over the course of the week. it makes no difference as i use what’s here to determine my wins and losses for this week. at the time of this being published there were 3 games with no lines.

rivalry week games. anything can happen which makes it my favorite week of the season. though the last couple of weeks are giving this week plenty of competition.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-28 ole miss @ mississippi st. no line. there’s no reason for picking this game other than it happens to be on thanksgiving day. ole miss should win but the last few weeks have shown us what should happen and what actually does happen are at times two different things. take ole miss for the win.

11-28 texas tech @ texas. texas favored by 4 points. if the red raiders were having a better season this could be an interesting shoot out. sadly, they aren’t. both schools have had 2 weeks to get ready. the longhorns seem to have turned things around. at least for now. take texas to win and cover.

11-29 oregon st @ oregon. no line. the civil war game. if the beaves were having a better season this would be more interesting. where have we heard that before? as for my beloved ducks we’ll have to wait and see if the they can climb out of their hole and take care of business against state. the once high hopes, well for me, for both oregon teams (especially the ducks) dashed against a rocky sea wall this year. coaching? i wonder. or the wear and tear of the season? speed but no bulk in the lines? at any rate, all things considered anything can happen in this game. i have no other choice for this game. take the ducks for the win. QUACK!!! QUACK!!!

11-30 alabama @ auburn. the iron bowl. alabama favored by 10.5 points. plenty on the line here. bama took last week off by playing road kill state. something i just don’t get. auburn actually had the week off. two weeks to get ready for this home game. it’s nice when you can work the schedule for it to happen. auburn is doing well but i think the tide has to much going for it to drop this game. take alabama to cover and win. ROLL TIDE!!!

11-30 ohio st @ michigan. ohio st favored by 13.5 points. had big blue won last week this game would have had a bit more flavor going for it. still, probably a good game. out on a limb here and probably a crazy idea but i’m taking michigan to get inside the points. take big blue.

11-30 notre dame @ stanford. stanford favored by 14 points. the trees are back in the PAC (8)(10)12 driver seat. look at this game as a tune-up for the PAC championship game. and the domers are a good team to tune-up with. this game could go sideways but i’m taking the trees to win and cover.

11-30 florida st @ florida. no line. this is the noles game to lose. simple as that. take florida st to win.

11-30 ucla @ usc. usc favored by 3.5 points. crosstown rivals. cajun ed has the trojans fired up and they’re playing well and on a roll. ex coach lane thinks coach o should get the job. maybe. the bruins have backed themselves out of the PAC south title picture. will they show up this week ready to play? yeah, more than likely. after all it is lotus land bragging rights for the next year. a vague to slim chance of showers beginning turkey day and right up through saturday game time. it might make a difference if they do show up. not many points. call it a toss up. take the trojans to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!

11-30 clemson @ s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 5 points. both schools took last week off and played sandlot flag football games against their younger and smaller cousins. a must win situation for clemson. which would be right where the old ball coach wants them on his home turf. another tide spread.
i’m taking the gamecocks to win and cover.

11-30 texas a&m @ missouri. missouri favored by 4.5 points. the tigers need to win. simple as that. johnny boy has probably played his way out of another heisman with a poor showing and a loss last week. another one of those, can they bounce back things. i’m of the mind now that johnny probably doesn’t win it again he’s got his mind and sights set on the NFL for next year. just sayin’. a slim margin for the tigers but take mizz to win and cover at home.

happy turkey day and week, my friends. mine will be rather subdued. an early morning ride out to visit the still recovering brown eyed girl in the hills of beverly then back here for whatever i can throw together resembling something vaguely turkey dayish and some TV football. dago red to be sure as well. be safe and be semi sane. especially out on the road over the holiday. “so, if you’re out tonight, don’t forget, if you’re riding your bike, wear white.”~~ jagger/richards

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 13

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i did marginally better this week thanks to two things. the first being there was no line for the oregon game when i published this early last monday. secondly, the improbable hail mary catch to ice the auburn game. i’ll take what i can get. at any rate, my weekend saw me going 6 for 10. making my overall for the year 77 for 120.

why is it so hard to find 10 games this late in the season that i’d actually want to sit down and watch? exactly. this week’s round of games were just as hard to pick as the first couple of weeks usually are. once again, just like last year, we have alabama taking the week off by playing road kill juco st this late in the season. in truth, they aren’t the only school doing the same thing this week. why is this happening on a yearly basis? assorted pundits want me to believe when the BCS bids us aloha at the end of the year this practice of playing FCS or lower schools will not be happening anymore. or as often. really? i’ll believe that when i see it and i won’t be holding my breath.

the whole insanity of scheduling and then playing interstate 40 cafe & gas tech has gotten to the cringe worthy stage. i suppose if you’re the dean of mom & pop a&m the money that exchanges hands is a nice thing. money exchanging hands is generally a good thing. though it doesn’t make for watchable college football when that’s the only case for it happening. even if chicken & waffles poly technic pulls off the upset of the decade. one season changing upset doesn’t make the practice worthwhile. sue me. i guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens next year. though i’m sure AD’s across the land have already scheduled plenty of miserable games for us to sift through next year. the mantra of, ‘it’s too late to change things now’ will be heard far and wide. sigh.

this mess is for entertainment purposes only. never ever use what you read here as wagering advice. set fire to your paycheck in other ways. we’re clear on this, right? good. the odds or points presented here may change over the course of the week. i use what’s here to determine my wins and losses.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-20 n. illinois @ toledo. n. illinois favored by 2.5 points. northern illinois is everyones BCS buster darling of the year. if they continue to win it will be interesting to see what happens. toledo is doing OK but it is the MAC and the MAC isn’t one of my favorites. why did i pick this game? diversity? middle of the week college football? no idea. though some folks are enamored with the illinois team. meh. toledo is winning. not like illinois but winning. this is toledo’s bowl game even with their 7 wins. take toledo to win.

11-22 navy @ san jose st. san jose st favored by 2 points. this is an odd match-up if there ever was one. see above. however, it is kind of nice to see navy playing a football game on the 50th anniversary of JFK’s death. was this intentional or just a random scheduling quirk type thing? i don’t know. if you’re up in the san jose area this would be a good way to spend a part of your day either at the stadium or if not watching on TV at home. the midshipmen win this one for the skipper of the PT-109. if it were up to me, that’s how i would be selling it to the kids at navy all week long. take navy inside the points and or for the win.

11-23 oklahoma @ kansas st. kansas st favored by 4 points. the sooners should have no problem taking down the wildcats even on their home turf. despite what the odds writers say. we’ll see. me? i’m taking the sooners to win or get inside the points.

11-23 wisconsin @ minnesota. wisconsin favored by 15. this one has a shot at being a pretty good game. either that or the badgers blow out the golden gophers at home. either way. i’m taking wisconsin to win and cover.

11-23 usc @ colorado. usc favored by 22 points. is there any way we can rescind colorado’s invite into the PAC(8)(10)12? just a thought. cajun ed seems to have things back on track at usc. if there is no let down after beating the trees they should take care of colorado without any problem. or that’s the hope. cajun ed has his george costanza do the opposite thing going and it’s working very well so far. can he keep the job? win out ed and take the bowl game then maybe so. maybe so. the crux of the job interview begins here. don’t let the buffaloes win this one or even get close. yes, coach o, most things happen for a reason. take the trojans. FIGHT ON!!!

11-23 oregon @ arizona. oregon favored by 18 points. the ducks need to win. simple as that to have any shot at playing in the PAC north title game. mariota shreds. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK!!! QUACK!!!

11-23 arizona st @ ucla. arizona st favored by 2.5 points. kind of a surprise that. at least this week i should have the bruins playing on the correct day of the week unlike last week. traffic in and around pasadena shouldn’t be as miserable as it was for last friday nights game. it will be bad but not with the added friday night going home from work/leaving town traffic tossed in for good measure. i digress. one of the better games of the week. i’m not making the mistake i made last week and taking the out of town fave. take the bruins to at the least get inside the maven’s meagerness.

11-23 byu @ notre dame. byu favored by 1 point. another toss up. the golden domers have played themselves out of any big time big dance bowl games this year. though if they win here and next week against the trees things might change. how much remains to be seen. notre dame wins at home.

11-23 baylor @ oklahoma st. baylor favored by 8.5 points. probably the most interesting game of the week because it could be a shoot out of epic proportions. along with it being two of the BCS big boys. baylor wins but doesn’t cover the spread. take the cowboys to get inside or maybe win.

11-23 texas a&m @ lsu. lsu favored by 4 points. it surprised me when i finally noticed this game. i’d changed my tenth game twice and when i was looking up the odds i saw this one. i wonder where it had been hiding? johnny boy needs to shine and i think he will. two weeks to rest and glue a game face on. works for me. not many points pretty much straight up. take a&m to at least get inside the slim point pickens and probably even win.

enjoy your week and try to remain safe and semi sane over the weekend. the brown eyed girl and love of my life is improving but is looking at at least one more surgery in a month or so. good thoughts and prayers are still most welcome. thanks.

jmh

a little football & reflections on 11-22-63

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the historical day and week are almost upon us. that fifty years ago thing with bad back jack. an avid family footballer even with said bad back and all his other psychical and medical problems. he and elvis. a game of football at the drop of a hat. no, not together but they could have shared drug knowledge stuff and scripts if they had. yes, the world changed that afternoon 50 years ago. the biggest seismic event to proceed it was pearl harbor. i guess we’re still waiting for the next big one. yeah, of course, 9-11. although i’m almost to the jessie ventura state of mind on that event. i digress. no, more like hitting a patch of black ice on a mountain road late at night.

i was sorta looking forward to this 50th anniversary that began our slow ride to perdition. not anymore. the point being, all the network suits, ties, hacks, douche bags, hustlers, grifters, shysters, morons, pathetic con-men, long dead, or we thought they were, news hucksters, oliver stones, flacks, and just the general ass hats of society have ruined what should have been an attempt at some sort of closure for those of us who sat through that sad long four or five day TV weekend 50 years ago that forever changed us all. many of us out here in the once bucolic farmland hinterlands of the lotus land megalopolis who on sunday night just said, enough, then left the TV madness and packed a local movie house that was running ‘lawrence of arabia’. a very large standing room only crowd. maybe the fire marshall didn’t get the memo. or he was among us trying to hide out as well.

the same movie house that not that many years later turned into a porno palace and ran ‘deep throat’ all day and night for what seemed like months upon months. that sad lonely road to perdition. the road we’ve been on ever since that november long ago. a gloomy, dark, and rat infested highway deep into the very bowels of hell. yup, a sort of luke the drifter veer. though i think apt none the less.

something was written not long after the tragic event by someone who could actually write and hold a thought or two together penned: “johnny boy, we hardly knew ye.” and ourselves as well. after all these years we have no one to blame but ourselves.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 12

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the brown eyed girl and love of my life continues to improve. however, it will be at least a couple of months before things are anywhere near normal around these parts. your good thoughts and or prayers on her behalf are still most welcome. about the only thing normal around here is i’m back to using the points/odds/spreads again this week along with publishing this insanity early monday morning again. yes, i’m repeating myself.

things didn’t start off very well last week and my picks didn’t improve much over the weekend. i went 5 for 10 bringing my season overall to 71 for 110. nothing stellar but i’ll take it.

as always this is for entertainment purposes only. never use anything here for legal or illegal wagering. do not do it. stupid is as stupid does. you’ve been warned. one more, as always…the odds/points used here may change over the week. i use what’s presented here to determine my wins and losses for the week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11-14 georgia tech @ clemson. clemson favored by 10.5 points. the yellow jackets have won 3, lost 3, and won 3. a semi sort of nice symmetry to their season. from where i’m sitting it looks like they’ll begin another streak this week with a loss to clemson. take clemson to win and cover the point spread.

11-15 washington @ ucla. ucla favored by 2.5 points. the huskies thumped colorado this past week but then who hasn’t this year? the bruins almost gave the game away in the fourth quarter to the sun devils. this should be an interesting game and a good way to spend an early saturday evening. well, at least it will be early out here. tight point spread. not even the home court 3 for the bruins. so cal homer says take the bruins to win and cover.

11-16 iowa st @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 24.5 points. the sooners were pretty much blown out by baylor last week. a fluke? in some quarters it would seem so. sad to say, the cyclones on the other hand are having one of their most forgettable seasons with only one win. over the years you could usually count on them for at least one upset win during the season. that probably isn’t going to happen this year. certainly not this week. that is until i saw the points. call me crazy but i’m taking iowa st to get inside the points. win? probably not.

11-16 georgia @ auburn. auburn favored by 3.5 points. probably a pretty good game. but one where the bulldogs don’t have much of a chance at winning especially on auburn’s home court. although stranger things have happened. yes, another meager spread. no matter. take auburn to win and cover the spread.

11-16 alabama @ mississippi st. alabama favored by 24.5 points. mississippi st played fairly well in losing to the aggies. the tide however is an all together different story. along with this isn’t going to be the week the tide takes a loss. mucho pointoes for sure. take the tide to win and cover the spread. ROLL TIDE!!!

11-16 texas tech @ baylor. baylor favored by 26.5 points. the red raiders bring their 3 game losing streak into dallas for a neutral field thumping by the bears. or do they? yeah, more than likely. however, the red raiders need some sort of redemption for tossing the season overboard. so, ipso facto, texas tech may not win but they will beat the spread. take them.

11-16 stanford @ usc. stanford favored by 3 points. the trojans rolled over lowly cal while the trees pulled off another win over the ducks. i don’t see the trojans scoring anywhere near what they put on the board last week. yeah, the chances of that happening are pretty slim. ok. i’m supposing you’re as shocked as i am with the points for this one. i don’t get it. maybe cajun ed has some sort of hoodoo voodoo spell up his sleeve and the odds mavens found out. i don’t know. sad to say, i’ve got to go with the trees here winning and covering.

11-16 utah @ oregon. no line. it’s utah’s unfortunate luck to travel to oregon after the ducks sad loss to the trees last week. even with the ducks mariota semi banged up the utes will have their hands full and their hats more than likely handed to them by a hopefully pissed off duck squad. the rabid duck fan base should be out for blood as well. have your earplugs handy while watching this one from your couch. autzen just might levitate like the pentagon never did. ah, you had to be there…or at least watching on TV. no line makes this one easy. take the ducks to win. QUACK!!! QUACK!!!

11-16 oregon st @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 13.5 points. the beaves have had two weeks to get ready for this. my guess is mike riley has put that time to good use. the beaves may not win but i’m taking them to get inside the spread.

11-16 wyoming @ boise st. boise st favored by 22 points. the cowboys round out my picks this week with a trip into the fading blue smurf turf of boise st. where the broncos have had two weeks of preparation. the cowboys are in for a wild ride. or that’s my guess. boise needs to win out for another shot at fresno st. good luck with that. plenty of points but the broncos are antsy. and the cowboys can’t break them. take boise st to win and cover.

the season dwindles to only a few remaining weeks. enjoy what’s left of college football 2013. be safe. be semi sane.

on this veterans day say thanks to any vet you know for the sacrifice they made. to all my fellow nam vets, welcome home.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 10

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week 9 was rather bitter sweet in seeing me go 9 for 10. yes, my best week of the year so far went into making my over all for the year a very nice 58 for 90. all and all stellar stuff. the bitter part being the brown eyed girl and love of my life is seriously ill. so, instead of doing a happy dance all night things have been kinda subdued around these parts.

due to the fact we may have to dash off to the bowels of the hills of beverly in the land of the lotus very soon for a date with her hopefully surgeon savior i’m afraid i’ll be just doing straight up picks again this week. even if that doesn’t happen today or tomorrow or soon my priorities are somewhere else. as is my head. no time, once again, to deal with the odds and points thing. just win or lose. plain and simple. i’d really rather being doing this with the points but i think you understand. however, the show must go on in some form or another and demons must also be soothed. regardless.

you may also want to understand that this weekly journey into college football picking is for entertainment purposes only. the information presented here is not intended to be used as betting advice. legal or otherwise. do not do it. find other ways and outlets to blow your cash and for you to be totally insane and stupid.

i suppose it also bears repeating that the games that appear here are games i have some sort of interest in. either in watching or in the outcome. yes, there might be games of more importance or interest to you. oh well. look elsewhere, pilgrim. early picks again this week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-31 arizona st @ washington st. thursday night trick or treat fun. the sun devils did well against the huskies last week at home in the desert southwest. pirate mike has had two weeks to get ready for this home court shoot out. shoot out? it just might be if his passing game is on and the cougars can run some in between. this is the sun devils game to lose. simple as that. i doubt they will with the points they can put on the board even with pirate mike’s two weeks. take arizona st to win.

11-1 usc @ oregon st. friday night sugar high hangover fun. the men of troy had another one of their lack luster performances against utah last saturday. thankfully, they did manage to win in a semi sort of ugly and inefficient way. mike riley’s beaves made a brave showing against the powerhouse trees in losing. cajun ed has his hands full against the beaves on the road this week. is the trojan barrel heading for the falls? we’ll see. an interesting game if both teams show up ready to play. i’m taking oregon st to win.

11-2 tennessee @ missouri. the volunteers beat the ole’ ball coach and s. carolina. the tigers somehow or another lost steam and lost to the same team for their first loss of the year. a sad thing to be sure. the tigers bounce back. take missouri for the win.

11-2 auburn @ arkansas. the razorbacks are on a losing streak not seen since the stones sang about one back in ’65. ok. so that may be a stretch. or is it? a semi sort of rivalry game that may make some sort of difference. or will it? arkansas has fallen upon hard times. take auburn to win.

11-2 ohio st @ purdue. the boilermakers are riding that losing streak as well. the buckeyes are on the 180 degree circuit and running hard for the tattoo/dumb ass redemption deal. another one of those divine intervention things in order for purdue to pull off a win here. although depending on the points there might be some room to work it. i’m taking ohio st to win.

11-2 michigan @ michigan st. the state of michigan bragging rights on the line. along with it being one of the best college games of the year regardless of records going into the showdown. both schools are winning though i guess you could make some sort of point that big blue has had a tougher schedule so far. the pollsters seem to think so. one of them beat the domers and one didn’t. call me ishmael or crazy though you could make a case for either, i’m taking michigan st for the win.

11-2 oklahoma st @ texas tech. sad to say the red raiders were my only loss last week. oklahoma st seems to have shaken off the SI report of NCAA foul play and has come back strong after losing to west virginia earlier. a good game here, kids. and hopefully an old west shoot em up with plenty of offense. the red raiders ease the loss against the other oklahoma with a win at home. take texas tech to win.

11-2 miami(fl) @ florida st. another good game. two top ten schools head to head in a florida rivalry game. miami held off wake forest last week for a sloppy win. probably after too much celebrating after skating by with the ever worthless NCAA suit and tie douche bags and any sort of meaningful penalties for their sins. i could go on but why at this point???? the noles home court. the noles hold the better stats. the noles hold all the cards. take florida st to win.

11-2 utep @ texas a&m. yes, the miners are abysmal this year. yes, johnny boy is back at full speed. why this game? it is a rivalry of sorts and maybe one of note if both schools are playing well. i guess i just miss FX’s ‘the bridge’. sue me. johnny and the aggies roll. take a&m to win.

11-2 nevada @ fresno st. the bulldogs are this year’s boise st. the big time small school BCS buster team. stuff needs to happen in order for fresno to hit the big time for other than being raisin famous. one of said ‘stuffs’ is the fact they need to win out. that shouldn’t be too much of a problem at home against nevada. the other stuff is up to other teams and out of their control. they should control this game. take fresno st to win.

enjoy your weekend and the start of turkey season. be safe. be semi sane. any and all good thoughts, prayers, and sundry other things to the deity of your choice regarding the brown eyed girl would be most welcome on our part. thank you.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 9

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we all knew this was coming. it had to at some point or another. i was even feeling it as i was writing last weeks picks. week 8 my worst week of the year so far. ouch. a sub par 4 for 10. making my overall a 49 for 80 for the season. still above water but taking some in for sure. most of my picks won but didn’t or couldn’t cover the spread. something the casino’s and betting mavens count on. though i did have a couple of nice underdog wins.

yes, my picks are early for week 9. they will also be just straight up picks with no points due to our having to do an overnighter in jed clampett’s old stomping grounds in order for us to be somewhere early monday morning in said general area. the thought of sitting two to three hours in lala land’s monday morning bumper to bumper traffic is not my idea of fun along with the fact i don’t want to rely on hotel wifi that may or may not work very well. so, just straight up picks for this weeks games. win or lose. no points or spread to deal with. hopefully, things get back to normal for week 10.

the most important thing to remember is that these picks and predictions are for entertainment purposes only. using any of the insanity presented here as gambling advice would be pretty bloody stupid on your part on about a bazillion levels. do not do it. find another outlet for you to throw your cash away.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-25 boise st @ byu. boise st had a little trouble getting started last week. byu had a little trouble stopping houston from scoring. even with all that this should be a good game with plenty of offense to liven up any fall friday night. i just don’t see boise pulling this one off on the road. i’m taking byu to win.

10-26 texas tech @ oklahoma. another barn burner or that’s the hope. probably another case of who has the ball last wins. this should be a close one regardless. i’m taking the red raiders to win because of their passing game.

10-26 utah @ usc. both teams are all over the map this year. one week surprise surprise and the next WTF? the trojans were disappointing in their lose to the golden domers on the road. a semi sort of sleep walk to no where. the utes pound the trees then make a poor showing against a PAC also ran the next week. cajun ed needs to turn things around yet again this week for the trojans. i like the guy and the kids seem to like him as well as do the ‘daily trojan’ sports writers. he needs to keep winning and garner some sort of crappy bowl game in order to have a real shot at staying where he is next year. the trojans at home get things together for the win. FIGHT ON!!!

10-26 ucla @ oregon. the bruins semi imploded last week in palo alto. way too many penalties along with a deer in the headlights sort of look that never went away. they can’t afford either this week against my beloved ducks. i suppose they never really had a chance at winning this one on the ducks insane home turf. though with a better showing against the trees hope might have sprung eternal. the bruins have a ton of work to do this week if they want to make this a close game. none the less, regardless, take the ducks to win. QUACK QUACK!!!

10-26 s. carolina @ missouri. the gamecocks third week in a row on the road along a tough loss against the volunteers last week. missouri continues to roll and one of my upset winners from last week as well. this is the tigers game to lose. the SEC’s team from out of the blue. take mizz to win.

10-26 penn st @ ohio st. it’s beginning to look like the buckeyes will run the table then head somewhere in late december or early january. penn st is doing ok but unless the wheels fall of the buckeyes wagon they don’t have much of a chance here. take ohio st to win.

10-26 texas @ tcu. if you look at the horned frogs record you’ll see a pattern. one that will more than likely be broken this week as the longhorns have had 2 weeks to get ready for this game. tcu has lost only once at home this year. this game will be their second home court loss along with the pattern ending. take texas to win.

10-26 stanford @ oregon st. the trees try to stay in the race for the roses or more on the road against the beaves. the state of oregon gets to host the two best PAC(8)(10)(12) games of the week. oregon st begins their toughest part of their schedule with this game. ending with the ‘civil war’ game the day after turkey day. but that’s for then. they should make a game of it against the trees this saturday. if i were going by the point spread here i’d take oregon st. however, i’m not so take stanford to win.

10-26 tennessee @ alabama. tennessee surprised at home last week. they do have a fairly good running game but the tide at home won’t be their next victim. too much of everything for the volunteers to handle. the tide rolls again. alabama wins. ROLL TIDE!!!

10-26 clemson @ maryland. clemson got schooled last week by the noles in a pretty much one sided contest. maryland clunks along, at best, against a yawner of a schedule. clemson makes up for the embarrassment of last week with a win on the terps home field.

there they are week 9’s gifts. ok. yeah, sure. at any rate, enjoy the waning few weeks of the college football season. eat and drink well. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 7

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it took a bit longer than it usually does. a point here. a point there. way too many penalties. perhaps the wrong cleats on a worn out synthetic turf. stuff like that. the list could go on and on. a rather doleful mediocre week 6 is over. one could even say finally over. my worst week of the season so far. yes, it was coming. that was for certain. possibly even worse down the road. count on it. bottom line week 6 saw me going 5 for 10. if i were a baseball player and did that consistently at bat i’d be a hall of famer. and everyone’s top of the charts player. unfortunately i’m not. i’m also pretty sure you aren’t either. so, my over all for the year now stands at 37 for 60. head still above water but on the other hand i’m not looking for an architect or contractor to begin work on my dream home somewhere over looking the blue pacific and the red ferrari is on hold.

the important thing to remember is that this is for entertainment purposes only. using anything here for wagering purposes would be asinine. last weeks picks and predictions pointed that out all too clearly. do not wager on college football games legal or otherwise. do not do it. spend your hard earned cash elsewhere. hell, wasting your hard earned cash elsewhere is an even better idea.

this week is a road warrior road trip week for me. a very much needed solo road trip and i may not have the time or desire to properly deal with the point spreads. so, i’m just doing straight up picks. win or lose. no points. no spread. none the less, don’t use what’s here for some sort of dumb ass purpose.

UPDATE: that was then is now. i’m already down the road and in my room and/or location for the duration of the trip. yeah, i may venture out of the room occasionally. so, the points are back on board for the week. OK? i thought so. :UPDATE

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-10 arizona @ usc. usc favored by 5.5 points. usc’s interim coach ed orgeron is seemingly a breath of fresh coaching air compared to the late and pretty much not lamented ex coach lane kiffin. who in reality had to deal with coach petey and what he had wrought. but lane didn’t deal with it very well. it’s also nice to see ed getting some sort of respect from the odds mavens as well. practices are once again open to the media and ed actually speaks nicely to them and has some fun with them too. he’s having some fun with his players as well, which the kids seem to be enjoying. fresh air is generally a very nice thing. we’ll see how well ed fares in the coming weeks. this week the men of troy face their first opponent after after the shake-up. thankfully, that opponent is the arizona wildcats. along with the game being on the home court the trojans just might turn things around. i’m thinking maybe they will with the high of new coaching blood streaming through the program. especially against the wildcats. or maybe not. at any rate, a nice week night diversion from whatever ails you. possibly a very close game though either team could blow the other out of the park. with usc’s new coach and all the other related incidentals at usc i’m taking them to win and cover the points. why not? FIGHT ON!!!

10-12 alabama @ kentucky. alabama favored by 27.5 points. a bunch of points but the tide continues to roll. nothing really impressive last week but the job got done. and in the end that is pretty much what it’s all about on any given week. kentucky is about ready to go down for the the fourth time with no lifeguards in sight or anywhere near the water. hence, take the tide to win and cover the spread. ROLL TIDE!!!

10-12 florida @ lsu. lsu favored by 8 points. probably a good game if both teams show up to play. lsu was very impressive on the road last week. they should be even more impressive this week at home. take lsu to win and cover the spread.

10-12 texas a&m @ ole miss. texas a&m favored by 7 points. ole miss is coming off of two losses in a row and looming sensitivity and diversity training due to some pretty stupid actions on the part of about half the team. they look like they’re digging themselves a hole. probably a deep hole. a&m has had a couple of weeks to work on this game. plus, johnny boy has been more than likely nose to the grindstone and for sure out of the lame kid limelight. unlike the kids at ole miss. take a&m to win and cover the points.

10-12 stanford @ utah. stanford favored by 8.5 points. last week the trees held off the huskies to stay undefeated. ucla finally squeaked past the utes to stay undefeated as well. utah isn’t burning up the field this season with anything dazzling. but they are keeping things close even when they lose. which they more than likely will do again this week. take the trees to win and cover.

10-12 cal @ ucla. ucla favored by 24.5 points. so far the bruins are for real. cal’s only win this season was against road kill state. i expect them to be hunkered down in the road kill position this week against the bruins at home. take ucla to win and cover the spread.

10-12 oregon @ washington. oregon favored by 14 points. despite a slow start against colorado last week my beloved ducks continue to light up the scoreboard. this is my game of the week for sure. hopefully, the huskies are ready for this match up. the ducks may not blow up the scoreboard for the first time this year but they should win. take oregon to win and cover the points on the road in hostile huskie territory. QUACK QUACK!!!

10-12 oregon st @ washington st. washington st favored by 1 point. a toss up. for my money another good game with two of my other favorite coaches and PAC(8)(10)12 schools going head to head. both teams can score some points. look for a shoot out. defense be damned. the last team with the ball wins. the question being who will that be? i’m taking oregon st to win or at the least get inside the meager points.

10-12 northwestern @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 10.5 points. both schools held their own in losing to ohio st. the badgers have had two weeks to get ready for the best BIG (10)12 game of the week. i’m taking wisconsin to win at home and cover the points.

10-12 boise st @ utah st. boise st favored by 7 points. a short road trip sees boise st return after an off week and looking to improve upon their 3-2 record against a pretty good utah st team. just how wisely did coach petersen use that time? we’re all going to find out soon enough. if the broncos fall to 3-3 coach petersen’s stock will more than likely take a nose dive too. no matter how the bronco faithful and apologists spin it or paint it. this game is a toss up. odds mavens or not make this a tough call. flip a coin? i’m taking boise st to win and cover the spread.

each week sees the season along with the days growing shorter. so, put your feet up, sit back, and enjoy the shortest sweetest sporting season in the realm because it will be over before you know it. yeah, i know, like most stuff for us old timer traditionalists stuff ain’t that easy to take anymore. i digress. at any rate, enjoy the games, some good company, food, and vino. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2013 college football picks and predictions week 6

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this past saturday was one of those nifty game days for me. a very sweet 9 for 10 day with my picks against the spread. had oklahoma st not floundered it would have been a perfect day. maybe their booster/alumni created drama at home is beginning to filter out onto the field. we’ll wait and see what happens. at any rate, my over all for the year now stands at, 32 for 50.

week 5 also saw some injuries to key players through out college ball. for me, the two biggest were usc’s marqise lee and my beloved ducks lost running back de’anthony thomas. it remains to be seen just how serious both injuries are. in lee’s case he is usc’s offense.

as for usc’s AD pat haden standing behind coach lane kiffin that all came to an abrupt if not predictable end early sunday morning after the trojans got hammered by arizona st. the fan splashing merde was getting out of hand. good for haden. time to move on. a number of decent coaches are supposedly in the mix for the job. if it were up to me i’d go with an interim coach then after this miserable season is over go for the coach you really want. which is just what they’ve done. hopefully, the interim coach is just that, interim. former trojan and current broncos defensive coordinator jack del rio seems to be getting the most buzz at the moment.

always remember this weekly insanity is for entertainment purposes only. just because i’m doing fairly well so far this year doesn’t mean anything at all. my picks could veer into on coming traffic on any given saturday. or hit a patch of black ice and spin out of control. get the picture? i hope you do. never use what you read here for wagering purposes. do not do it. there are much better ways to spend or waste your cash than betting on college football.

the point spreads used here may go up or down over the week. that being said, i have better things to do than adjusting the points here whenever the odds bosses make a change. my win loss record for the week is based on what is here.

as far as i’m concerned, week 6 is another really poor slate of games. of course, there are some good games but most of them aren’t worth your time. or more importantly mine. so, you’re going to see some teams here you normally would never see or rarely see.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-1 ucla @ utah. ucla favored by 3.5 points. the bruins travel to provo for a critical PAC (8)(10)12 southern division game. the utes aren’t terrible but they aren’t great either. all in all possibly a tight game or the bruins could blow them out. the early point spread is meager at best for the bruins. probably just as well. take the bruins to cover and win.

10-5 clemson @ syracuse. clemson favored by 13 points. clemson has been on a roll so far this year. should ohio st, oregon, stanford, or alabama tank, guess what? yup. they just need to keep winning. though i’d rather not see a rematch against georgia for the big dance game. i lost my zest for rematches back in muhammed ali’s boxing days. i digress. clemson should have no trouble taking this game to the bank. take clemson to win and cover.

10-5 maryland @ florida st. florida st favored by 14.5 points. despite maryland’s 4-0 record, which the points reflect, this a game the seminoles can’t let slip through their fingers. especially a home court game. take florida st to win and cover.

10-5 n. carolina st @ wake forest. n. carolina st favored by 9.5 points. n. carolina st held their own in a loss against clemson. wake forest didn’t. another one of those ipso facto deals in a game that only matters to the schools, players, and their families. take nc state to win and cover.

10-5 kentucky @ s. carolina. s. carolina favored by favored by 22 points. kentucky is not playing very well. the old ball coach and his gamecocks are doing just fine so far with only one slip up. this is another game the home team can’t muddle through while hoping for the best. take s. carolina to win and cover.

10-5 cincinnati @ south florida. cinncinnati favored by 12 points. possibly the yawner of the week. or maybe the gamecocks game is. south florida sits at 0-4 and is looking straight at 0-5 if the bearcats make to the stadium in time for kickoff. if not, south florida gets the forfeit win. although the chances of that happening are pretty slim. take cincy to win and cover the points.

10-5 missouri @ vanderbilt. vanderbilt favored by 2 points. oh??? any sane person would take missouri in this game. you should too. take missouri to win and or get inside the points.

10-5 notre dame @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 5.5 points. i guess the domers are lucky this one is being played indoors at texas stadium with the a/c pumping at full steam rather than outside at tempe. i’m also guessing this is one of those made for prime time TV venues which under normal real world circumstances would never otherwise happen. fine. the sun devils win and cover the spread, take them.

10-5 ohio st @ northwestern. ohio st favored by 5 points. a vaguely interesting game. the buckeyes have run the table so far but their first real game was last week against wisconsin. northwestern is in the same position but hasn’t played anyone of note so far this season. if there were a few more points on the odds board i’d take northwestern. however, there isn’t. so, take the buckeyes to win and cover.

10-5 washington @ stanford. stanford favored by 6.5 points. the thinning of the PAC(8)(10)12 northern division herd begins in earnest on the trees home court this saturday night. more than likely a pretty good game and one the east coasters may want to stay up and watch. but probably not since they’re more biased than i am. what’s up with that? the huskies will make a game of it but take the trees to win and cover.

the first weekend of fine october light. possibly my favorite month of the year just because of said light. at any rate, enjoy your week of college ball and try to remain semi sane and upright. just remember to eat every once in a while. it does help. or so goes the theory. we’re half way through the season. where does the time go? sigh.

jmh