rants

2015 week 7 college football picks & predictions

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we hit mid season this week or something very close to it. utah is still riding high and for those that missed it, they’ve been my PAC 12 team to win it all this season since their win at the las vegas bowl last december. here’s hoping they continue their undefeated run. only five games this week. i could have added others but why? mostly because i have no interest. bama and a&m? florida lsu? i don’t think so.

always remember this is for irreverent and at times irrelevant entertainment purposes only. nothing more nothing less. only a fool would take anything seen here and use it as sage gambling advice.

i did manage to watch the last four or five minutes of the nebraska wisconsin game last saturday. pretty exciting stuff. nice win for coach riles and the cornhuskers. perhaps more TV to come for me this week.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-15 ucla @ stanford. the bruins need a win here to put a stop to their PAC south conference standing hemorrhaging. the trees on the other hand are flying high in the north PAC. at least mora and company get to escape the so far never ending ‘indian summer’ of the southland for a few days. a nice thursday night diversion if you’re of a mind. the first of 2 in a row for the bruins. coach mora isn’t pleased.

10-17 michigan st @ michigan. one of the best rivalries in the nation as it’s consistently year in and year out a good game. harbaugh seems to have things ironed out after big blues opening loss to utah. the defense in particular. home turf make it big blues game to lose.

10-17 tcu @ iowa st. this game is my upset special. it’s another year but once again it’s the cyclones time to shine. sure they’re playing tcu. so? your point? iowa st isn’t going to any post season bowl game. not even some klunker early bowler where 3/4 of the stands are empty. this is their bowl game and time for them to make a statement. this is also for my departed pops although he was more of a hawkeye fan. get some state.

10-17 usc @ notre dame. ( what follows was written yesterday morning. by now you’ve all probably heard the sark was placed on an indefinite leave deal. the only thing i have to say is: why wasn’t coach ed o given the job in the first place? ) on paper the trojans should have a better team than the one that has already lost two games this season. there’s even talk and a poll that suggest the trojan faithful have given up on the sark. from my point of view he was a head scratcher at best when he was hired. the guy that beat him last saturday would have made a bit more sense. as for the poll when i cast my fire him vote there were around 1,300 votes to fire him and a few hundred to keep him. lets just say, if he loses to the irish saturday there will probably be a much bigger spread than the one that’s already there in the poll. good luck, sark, you’re gonna need it. another legendary rivalry game. one i may even watch a portion of.

10-17 arizona st @ utah. this is the beginning of utah’s tough rest of the season foray into the PAC(8)(10)12 belly of the beast south. with some north PAC testers tossed in for good measure. a late afternoon west coast game up against the trojans and irish for TV ownership. that is a tough nut to crack but i’ll be along for the utah TV ride this week as well. after their win last week the utah bandwagon added a few more wagons to their train. they push on again this week for another win.

as we muddle and bumble our way into WWIII…be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 6 college football picks & predictions

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week 5 was somewhat interesting with georgia imploding along with the bruins and several other teams across this once great land. perhaps we’ll see more of that in week 6. ┬ámy streak still holds, i haven’t watched anymore than a couple of minutes in passing of any of the games this year. how much longer can i hold out? can i go the entire season never watching any of the games? time tells. though when utah plays the trojans or the bruins that will probably change things.

as the football year heads into cooler weather, at least the nights are here in lotus land. it’s important to remember this is for entertainment purposes only. no points. no spreads. no overs or unders as well. and most of the time not even winners so far. just the irreverent ramblings of a semi sane old retired guy and vietnam veteran.

only two games this week. i may even pick winners this time around. what can i say?

rock ‘n’ roll.

10-8 washington @ usc. as i’m writing this it’s rainy and a bit chilly here in lala land. by this thursday the rains will be gone and the heat will start to ramp up again heading up into the high 90’s by saturday. accompanying the heat will be santa ana winds or as some folks say san tana winds. either way very hot, very dry and very windy. with the early rain maybe the mountains in these parts won’t go up in flames as they’re apt to do this time of year with the combination of the devil winds and assorted pyro fruitcakes wrecking havoc tossed in for good measure. yes, of course, a major veer right off edge of one of the switchbacks heading up into the mountains that make up most of the backdrop here in socal. the game? sure, sc had a week off coming after a nice win against asu. the huskies are pretty much also rans once again. as coach petersen is having a hard time getting his kids to adjust to actually listening to their coach and taking what he’s saying and putting it to some use. like playing div 1 football. usc should have their way with the huskies.

10-10 cal @ utah. is cal really for real? or just another georgia type poser? perhaps, as they’ve won everything up to this point. however, a one point win against a crappy longhorn squad isn’t my idea of anything nearing a quality win. the utes are finally showing up on other folks radar as a contender. espn’s game day is even heading to utah and spending a couple of days and nights in mormon country. boy howdy. stranger things have happened but the bears could possibly maybe might even win though i highly doubt it. things don’t ramp up for the utes for another couple of weeks. utah wins and their bandwagon rolls on collecting more talking heads along the way to their destiny. the big dance at the end of the season. i’ve been on said wagon since their 2014 vegas bowl win.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 4 college football picks & predictions

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welcome to week 4 of the 2015 college football season. just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do. what is going on here? the buckeyes are playing the wheels fell off my skateboard tech and bama is playing JFK it’s a conspiracy state. all of this going on in week 4. WTF!! to be fair they aren’t the only ones still on the pad my wins bandwagon. a bandwagon that’s gotten completely out of hand. yes, it’s become my mantra. it should be yours as well.

ok. so, of the vast number of games this week in the FBS world i could only find 4 games worth a hoot or something i may or may not even watch. though this could be the week i actually do watch a game. the jury is still out.

what i do have are 7 west coast or sorta west coast teams and one from the midwest. six of the teams are PAC(8)(10)12 schools. yeah, i’m a homer but regular readers already know that. what can i say?

once again there are no lines, points or anything else to get in the way. perhaps not even picking a winner. though that is kinda like kids soccer or t-ball these days. ah, well, sue me.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-26 byu @ michigan. byu appears to be for real this season even with their loss to the bruins last week. good luck big blue.

9-26 ucla @ arizona. the wildcats ran over some road kill 3 or 4 times last week. the bruins on the other hand actually played some football.

9-26 usc @ arizona st. the sun devils had some trouble with 2 chump change state teams the past two weeks. while the men of troy blew another one against the trees. this one isn’t that interesting anymore.

9-26 utah @ oregon. the ducks had a week off. maybe they even went shopping for a defense. however, they can put some points on the board. the utes do have a defense to go along with an offense. if utah can pull off a win here they’ll be well on their way to causing major mayhem in the PAC south and north. good for them. get some utes.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2015 week 3 college football picks & predictions

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yes, i’m back. if only to bash the powers that be in college football. yeah, like they care. there is definitely something wrong with college football when you get to the third week of the season and FBS schools are still playing tweaker st or squads from a league you’ve never heard of. yes, of course, it’s all about the money and padding your win loss record with hopefully, 3 extra wins. because when the end of november rolls around and the christmas lights go up the talking heads, or more to the point, shills for the NCAA will be hoping you’ve forgotten all about the first 3 weeks of the season. why do these games even count?

why indeed? sure some of them should. it’s simple if you played someone who’s an FBS school and they have actually won more games than they lost for a couple of years running then the games count. playing red dwarf nebula moving and storage tech should not count in any sane persons world. right? of course it is. that would be true even if they have a solid winning record against other sisters of the poor schools.

but wait you say, what about the perennial doormats in all of the decent leagues? sure, not much you can do about that except kick them to the curb or perhaps…the big 5. yeah, maybe that one should make another entrance. i wasn’t a fan the first time around but maybe just maybe if they toss out the road kills and only play against each other i probably wouldn’t mind.

i could only find six games to even consider bothering with for this week. a sad thing. there aren’t going to be any points or spreads or any of that nonsense. it’s too time consuming and i just would rather not deal with it any more. i may or may not even pick a winner.

i haven’t watched any of the games so far this year. although that might change this week. we’ll see.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9-19 air force @ michigan st. i’ve always liked the airedales because if they have the right mix of players they can be a joy to watch. are they up for the spartans? very possibly. if the ducks had a smidgen of a defense this year the spartans might be sitting at 1-1. maybe a good game.

9-19 georgia tech @ notre dame. once again georgia tech is a ranked team. i guess we’re already supposed to have forgotten their first two record padding wins. the domers will probably throw up 30 plus. can tech do the same? yawn.

9-19 auburn @ lsu. auburn got lucky last week. very lucky. if a major storm doesn’t hit the gulf coast this week the game may actually be played.

9-19 stanford @ usc. the trojans have trampled their sacrificial lambs in week 1 and 2 with some impressive offensive fireworks. this week brings an old PAC(8)(10)12 nemesis into lotus land. if sc is for real this year it shouldn’t be a problem. one of the games i may even watch.

9-19 ole miss @ alabama. ole miss ran over fresno st last week and left them nothing more than a grease spot on the road. i used to love the tide but not anymore. coach satan rubs me the wrong way. get some ole miss.

9-19 byu @ ucla. it looks like byu is for real this year. well, so far. at least the bruins didn’t go completely road kill st the first 2 weeks. this could be good. another one i may watch.

be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

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ok. unfortunately i didn’t write this. as to who did write it, i haven’t a clue. i saw it someplace and noticed that it was politically incorrect and nicely written. so, i decided to put it up here in some sort of pissed off at the whole system type thing. if you don’t see the humor in it or the irony…well, then, you’re part of the problem.

jmh

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

President Barack Obama and Democrats in the House and Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

“Of course, all of these newly created jobs will be union jobs, Made in America!” says Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Rep Nancy Pelosi and Senator Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. #$%$ Durbin, IL: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing so.”

jmh

armed and dangerous

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it’s not quite mid march but you’d never know it by the weather outside. the devil winds are howling and record high temps are expected to fall over the weekend. just another year in the lingering california drought. with it being so hot and with the skin crawling santa ana winds blowing it reminds me of a time back in the mid 1980s. when one savage beast had southern california curling up with loaded shotguns at night. the beast being, richard ramirez, or more commonly known as, ‘the night stalker’.

over the years southern california has had it’s share of deranged murders and serial killers. a genuine motley crew of bat shit wackos and satan wannabes. hell, the whole state for that matter especially when you toss in the zodiac killer from up in the bay area. i digress.

the night stalker began his reign of terror in the spring of 1984. by the summer of 1985 the land of the lotus was in a downright semi siege mentality. myself included. it seemed as if the night stalker was striking at least once a week. from one bucolic suburb to another. another family or couple murdered while they slept. or murdered while the mate was made to watch. the night stalker made charlie manson and his gang seem almost tame. charlie after all had a beach boy as a friend. but he still had murderous mayhem in his heart.

as the summer of the stalker plodded on for sometime it became more apparent that local cops all over the southland were pretty much clueless as to what the hell was going on. hence, sleeping with a weapon became the norm to anyone with an ounce of sense. especially for those of us who weren’t about to give up sleeping with a window or door open no matter what insanity was befalling the various communities.

at the time, i had a winchester defender which i kept fully loaded and in bed with me. not the first time that had occurred. in vietnam a loaded M-16 and two hundred rounds of ammo were always at my bedside. one never knew when insanity would hit the fan and running around looking for a weapon was not an option. ever. at any rate, before hitting the sack that summer with the shotgun i’d set up trip wires to various homemade early warning devices. making sure they were loud enough to wake me up. not that a really sound sleep was going to happen. regardless.

eventually the police got a fairly decent description of the stalker from those who had survived his rampage and his police sketch was plastered all over the TV 24/7. on arriving back to socal from one of his bus trips to his home state of texas a few street vatos recognized him and kicked the crap out of him while the cops were being called. sadly, they were unable to finish the job before the cops arrived. he was, of course, convicted and sent to death row where he would still be living today if he hadn’t died of cancer back in 2013. karma is a bitch. and also very handy at times. yes of course, the hand wringers among us here in the great state of chaos got the death penalty squashed a while back. making karma our only hope for any retribution when it comes to murderers. be they be simple run of the mill types or straight from the bowels of hell types.

the record breaking march heat, wind and drought brought back the dread of that long ago but never to be forgotten socal summer. vivid memories of tossing and turning searching for slumber and peace.

further inspiration provided by today’s Power Plant Men blog, “Lizzie Bordan meets Power Plant Man”.

jmh

LD(C)DS

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in order to bring something new to the table and get chinanski off the front burner i’m tossing this in to replace it. don’t get me wrong, i dearly love me some chinanski. but it’s time to move along here. this piece could probably be considered for mature audiences only. or immature audiences only. far be it for me to judge. yeah, right. you’ve been warned.

they call him, ‘little dick’, although, of course, not to his face. that would probably be stupid. the little dick moniker was a result of him owning a pick-up truck. not your run of the mill off the lot pick-up but one of those, let’s see just how really stupid we can make this ride, kind of pick-ups. jack it up to the point that even a normal size person would need a step stool or small ladder to get into the cab. then tack on some huge rims and tires and a winch on the front bumper and you had your classic ‘little dick’ ride. a sort of money pit for vehicles. and a totally useless piece of gas guzzling crap. why anyone would do that to a perfectly good pick-up truck never made any sense to me. other than the fact they all have little dicks and seem to need to make some sort of amends for their short comings as it were. or something.

why indeed? any rate, all the little dicks would say it was for off roading or some such utter nonsense. nonsense because for the most part the bottom half of the frame stays pretty much where it has always been even after thousands of dollars had been spent raising the truck to absurd levels. at any rate, there are any number of little dick trucks out on the road at any time. loud rumbling monsters more suited for something other than a quick trip out for a loaf of bread. however, suited for what is the question.

certainly not as a babe magnet. to even think such would be insane. let’s just say for example, you have a date with heidi klum or jennifer lawrence. fine. you roll up to pick them up in your little dick ride. ah, yes. the date is over before it even began. point. set. match.

another odd thing about little dick trucks, or maybe not, is the fact you rarely see anyone else in the thing other than the said little dick owner. yeah, sometimes maybe some other guy riding shotgun. obviously some other little dick with little money and just riding along for the vicarious feeling that maybe this will make his dick bigger as well. this also falls under, wishful thinking.

it’s a rare thing to see a female passenger in a little dick truck. very rare. and i’m guessing that’s probably for the all too obvious reasons. that being said, you often see women or girls or females driving their own little dick trucks. however, in their equally sad case they are known as, little clits. this doesn’t occur as often as the guy little dick thing but still it happens. little clits are out there none the less. make no mistake. you also don’t see many passengers riding along with the little clits other than maybe some other little clit or perhaps some little dick. what’s the saying? birds of a feather flock together or fuck together.

ok. so, the purpose of this missive has been to bring attention to the all to prevalent, LD(C)DS, little dick deficit syndrome and it’s sister, little clit deficit syndrome. you can make a game of it if you wish. when you’re out and about with the family the first person to see a LD(C)DS and call out ‘little dick or little clit’ scores a point. whoever has the most points by the time you get to where you’re going wins. pretty simple really.

perhaps a telethon is in order. maybe john travlota and tom cruise as co-hosts.

jmh

2014 college football picks and predictions week 1

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it’s arrived. finally. as summer begins to fade college football shows up. a co-winky dink? a quirky cosmic jolt? probably neither. the shortest sweetest sporting season. college football. yes, kids time to waste away your saturdays, remote in hand, butt on couch or recliner, while yelling at the TV and the NCAA in general.

sadly, even with the new kid on the block, playoffs, we still have a bunch of lackluster games for opening week. though to be fair these games have been on the books for a few years. i suppose it’s going to take a another few years to see if what the talking heads tell us will come to pass or not. no more sisters of the poor state playing mr big u. though we’ll probably still be seeing it a few years down the road. that extra win or two looms large down south. time tells.

we have several months to see what shakes out for the grand opening round of the playoffs. no telling what will happen. also on the books the unionization of college football players came and went with the vote being kept secret along with nothing to be done about it. yes, the classic waste of time scenario. the NCAA at it’s very best and worst all rolled up into a convoluted inept mess. if we ignore it it will go away. perhaps we should do that with the NCAA. johnny football is gone. gone to cleveland and pro ball. though his off field antics still cause wonder and awe. was he really rolling up one of uncle sam’s notes of legal tender in that vegas crapper to snort up some flakey white powder? good luck, johnny. you’ll probably need it.

earlier in the month the NCAA approved, if that’s the word, or more likely rammed down the throats of every college football fan their idea of the Big 5. to be fair, the big 5 had a role in it as well. along with big money itself. so, by maybe october 2 we’ll be seeing the pay to play deal. yes, let’s pay the spoiled rotten semi criminal element that is college football today to play a sport where they are supposed to be getting a free college education. while the regular student body will still be stuck with all their student loans once they graduate but the football players and the round ballers, soon to follow, get a free ride and make money on the side. student loans? we don’t need no stinking student loans! we play ball. now, hand over your lap top, car keys and your girlfriend’s address. stay tuned kids things will only get worse. count on it.

at any rate, for new readers, i’ve been doing this for a long time. i pick 10 games each week. games i have some sort of interest in watching for what ever reason. though some weeks it’s hard to find 10 worth watching. i then pick a winner based on the point spread. usually not an easy thing. especially the first couple of weeks of the season. last year i ended up at 61.3%. my best year ever. although some weeks due to life and stuff i’ll just do straight up picks with no spreads. this coming october should prove to be interesting on numerous levels. we’ll see. the spreads may change over the couse of the week but what i have here is what i use to determine my wins and losses. i use a consensus of several sport books to get to my point spreads here.

the important thing to remember every week is that this insanity is for entertainment purposes only. some get it some don’t. using any information gleaned here to wager on any of the games would be stupid and insane at best. do not do it. leave your wallet where it belongs. in your pocket. and nobody gets hurt. simple as that.

rock ‘n’ roll.

8-28 texas a&m @ south carolina. s. carolina favored by 10.5 points. the season kicks off with possibly one of the best of the weekend. or so it would seem. we’ll get a good glimpse of life without senor futbol and the aggies. along with the old ball coach getting older and perhaps wiser? home field and an aggie team minus a few components. i’m taking the gamecocks to win and cover.

8-28 boise st @ ole miss. ole miss favored by 10 points. a new coach for team smurf turf with an opener on the road deep into SEC country. boy howdy. but then this is another of the been on the books for a while games. in the old days, say like last year, boise st would probably run the rebels ragged and won. not this year. take ole miss to win and cover.

8-29 byu @ connecticut. byu favored by 16.5 points. this is one of those first week picks in order to fill out the dance card for the entire opening weekend. that being said it might turn out to be worth watching. doubtful the huskies got any better during the off season after a dismal 2013. take byu to win and cover.

8-30 ucla @ virginia. ucla favored by 21.5 points. as an official pac(8)(10)12 homer i tend to have more than a fair share of left coast teams on board each week. the bruins are back and making things interesting once again. coach mora, thanks for taking bruin money and not leaving for husky land. hopefully, chris petersen sent you a thank you card and a lovely basket of fruit. perhaps it’s the bruins year to really shine. a stellar returning quarterback and some other impressive players. virginia another school coming off a lackluster 2013. lots of points. but take the bruins to win and cover.

8-30 fresno st @ usc. usc favored by 21.5 points. the sark is back in trojan land. as i stated at the end of last year it’s sort of a head scratcher and it still is. but, hey, at least the conversation i had in an upscale beverly hills bar with a seattle based medical malpractice attorney hasn’t come true. yet. an interesting conversation to be sure. but one i’ll keep close to the vest and let TMZ or E! ferret it out. if it’s even true. lawyers don’t lie and make up stories, do they? on a side note, i hope cajun ed o lands another head coaching job soon. he deserves another shot. ok. the game. the bulldogs got shellacked last year by the trojans in what figured to be a close game. it wasn’t as coach o had the trojans cranked up. plenty of points. let’s see if AD hayden made a good pick in the sark. i’m taking the trojans to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!!!

8-30 w. virginia @ alabama. alabama favored by 27 points. lane kiffin turns up again in the SEC. this time as bama’s offensive co-ordinator and qb coach. yes, kids another head scratcher. could this be the end of the tides semi rule of the SEC? has coach satan lost his juju? or perhaps his mind? just another story waiting to hit the presses this season. the first shoe drops this saturday. also, be sure to circle october 25 on your calendars as the tide rolls into tennessee territory. i doubt the vols faithful have forgotten about lane. it ought to be amusing to say the least. i digress. the mountaineers can usually score some points. so can bama. take bama to win and cover the big spread. ROLL TIDE!!!

8-30 washington @ hawaii. washington favored by 15. 5 points. filling sark’s departed shoes is boise st’s ex coach petersen. a big jump up the coaching ladder for him into the big time big school coaching limelight. i like the guy and i hope he’s up for it. this should be a good game for the huskies new coach to ease into the PAC(8)(10)12 spotlight. the warriors were far from being warriors last year. take the huskies to win and cover the points.

8-31 utah st @ tennessee. tennessee favored by 6.5 points. i guess we’ll see if the aggies are going to be for real again this season or not. yes, the vols aren’t what they used to be but they can still be dangerous. right? perhaps. although things haven’t gone that well since the days of lane kiffen. home court 3 and just a few more for the vols. yeah, take the aggies to at least cover and maybe win.

9-1 miami(fl) @ louisville. louisville favored by 3.5 points. labor day, dove season opening day and the last game of opening college football weekend all rolled up into one nifty package. back in the day if labor and dove opening day fell on the same day we only went out if we had a private spot or something secluded. too many opening labor day mondays spent within very close proximity with way too many other folks with shotguns. no, i’m not turning this into a hunting riff. just a veer. last game of opening week. the hurricanes shot at redemption for last years final game embarrassment at the hands of the cardinals. not many points here and i’m taking maimi to either win or get inside the small spread.

there they are the initial offerings of the new and we’ll see if it’s improved or not college football season. the caveat, be careful what you wish for still claws at the back of my damaged brain. so, be that as it may, grill some protein, roast a pig, whomp up a kettle of chili, order in pizza or chinese. pour several flagons of dago red and enjoy some college football. just remember… be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

Who Are the Brain Police? ~ Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention ~

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the above mentioned song appeared on the mothers first LP, ‘freakout’, in 1968. to say it was well ahead of it’s time would be like the proverbial pot, kettle, and black name calling adage. what follows about the song, Who Are the Brain Police?, was gleaned/lifted from wikipedia:

The song’s structure was described in detail by AllMusic:

“Simply put, it is weird and creepy. A chorus of living-dead voices supports a slow and sloppy waltz beat. Lyrics make numerous references to melting plastic and chromium and repeatedly ask the question found in the song’s title (answered by the brainless chorus). Halfway through, the song breaks into a fast-paced bridge; the same happens in the coda, which includes a kazoo solo.”

“The song was stated to be a “direct defiance of top 40 radio.” Repetitive lyrics were noted as part of this “defiance.” The song was also cited by Mojo magazine as “one of the scariest songs to ever emerge from the rock psyche.” While comparing it to Kafka, Mojo described the song as “a vision of contemporary America where personal identity and individuality is erased.”

interesting, what? yep. perhaps weird and creepy but the song is much more than frank railing against the radio and music industry that wanted very little to do with him, his music or ideas.

a couple of days ago i was sitting in a dentist office reading magazines while waiting for the brown eyed girl’s appointment to be over. some of the magazines were ok but a bit borderline in their finger wagging. ‘time’ magazine sent me over the edge and into an orwellian free fall. thankfully, it’s a magazine i rarely read let alone page through.

yes, kids, long dead uncle frank pretty much nailed it. we’ve indeed become that contemporary america where we’re told what and what not to do and when and when not to do it. he also nailed a bunch of other stuff musically as well 40 years ago long before ‘american idol’ or ‘the voice’ hit the airways. though ‘the voice’ does it’s damnedest to distance itself from what a pop singer ought to look like. sorta. but that isn’t why i’m here.

don’t do that. do this. do that. not this. say this. not that. believe this. don’t believe that. don’t ever say that! eat this. not that. it’s going to kill you. this won’t kill you. or at least it won’t this week. next week? meh. vote this way. god forbid, not THAT way! think this. never that. buy this. not that. read this. never that. you really fucking need this. your government would never ever lie to you. what’s the matter with you, boy?

yeah, we’ve been erased. or our minds have. it’s only a matter of time before we ourselves will be erased for not toeing the line. count on it. your personal identity is already gone or has been stolen. individuality? that disappeared along with the so called freedoms we once had. if you haven’t noticed you haven’t been paying attention. we are all suffering from all the brain policing that’s been going on for years. though most hardly notice the day in and day out nonstop barrage of swill and we know what’s best for you crapola. it’s as if we’re all too fucking stupid to figure anything out or entitled to form our own opinions about damn near everything on our own anymore. for good or bad.

ok. sure some of you are so fucking stupid you need to be spoon fed every damn thing even if it is wrong or wrong headed. after all it is properly PC and has been vetted by legions of assorted loons, dumb asses, hacks, hustlers, and politicians from both sides of the aisle. fine. screw it. just leave me out of your fucking equation and it’s related insanity. i’m not even gonna say please. just do it. yeah, sure, like that’s gonna happen even if i say, please.

when the bells start tolling don’t say they aren’t for you because they are. by the time that circus/scenario rolls into your town it will already be too late.

jmh

bob dylan & chrysler ~ the worst super bowl commercial ever ~

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long ago back in the 70’s, the humor magazine, the harvard lampoon begat the semi sorta more mainstream humor magazine, the national lampoon. which in turn, begat all the national lampoon movies of the same name. for the purposes of this epistle we’ll only concern ourselves with the national lampoon magazine. the national lampoon was hilarious and very irreverent which made it even funnier. really good stuff. sadly, it ceased publication back in 1998. too bad you missed it.

i fondly remember a certain one time comic strip concerning bob dylan. you have to remember this was in the early 70’s and bob was still riding high as a counter-culture hero. one of the poet laureates of the generation as it were. yeah, heady shit to be sure for little bobby zimmerman. at any rate, the cartoon strip cast the singer as a phony and calculating fraud of epic proportions. satire at it’s finest. or was it?

don’t get me wrong, bob was and still is one of my favorite musicians of the era. yeah, even though he’s sold his soul to the man. a sad sad thing. sure others of his and my generation have sold out as well. there’s a good number of them featured or have been featured in ads. although not necessarily in person like little bobby but their tunes are there. to my mind his actually appearing in the bleeding ad makes it even worse. what kind of a horses ass writes songs like: gates of eden, the masters of war, (like a) rolling stone, queen jane approximately, and desolation row, just to name a few, then does a 180 degree paragon shift?

i guess the guys at national lampoon were way way ahead of the curve. the first to realize that things may or may not have been as they appeared with little bobby zimmerman. he’s become what he once professed to hate. a sad caricature of his once self. a huckster now. a cheap sideshow entertainer only in it for the money. yes, a zappa riff there. at least frank was up front about it.

am i going to burn all my dylan CD’s? ah, probably not. i just might not listen to em much anymore. sadly. though it just goes to show that the more things change the more they stay the same. crass cheap hucksterism aside, i wouldn’t buy a chrysler if little bobby zimmerman paid for it with all his money. chrysler, which my wife, the brown eyed girl points out, is owned by fiat. a eurolander company. yeah, bobby, buy american and support italia. more incongruity.

ginsberg, ferlinghetti, kerouac, seeger, and even bukowski are rolling over in their collective graves. tsk tsk bobby. congratulations, you’ve an become an irrelevant ass hat.

“there are no kings inside the gates of eden.” from the song,”gates of eden”, by bob dylan.

jmh