wire to wire ~the back story~

many years ago back in 1967 i became involved in a ‘bootleg’, or in other words an illegal over the air, radio station. it was started up by some friends, all of them kids, who’s hobby it was starting up bootleg radio stations in ontario, california. all of the stations eventually were discovered, one way or the other, by the FCC and shut down. a sad thing to be sure since no one was hurting anyone or broadcasting anything remotely obscene or subversive for that matter. none the less, a federal offense and a big no no. though none of us did any jail time, thankfully, and fines weren’t levied as well. all in all, the FM bootleg station i was involved with was run like any legal or professional radio station. we made sure of that. we followed all the rules any normal radio station did at the time.

they were fun times and i must say some of the more enjoyable times of my misspent youth. though i wouldn’t call my time with the bootleg station misspent by any means.

for whatever reason a few of us involved with the radio station decided to make a movie over christmas vacation. we came up with a script and a sorta plot. if i recall it was a single piece of paper with the idea for the movie along with an outline of the plot on it. the movie was to be titled, ‘the bum’. we filmed the movie in black and white on regular 8mm film. it was great fun and filled up a few days over vacation. the hardest part was editing the film and it also took the longest to complete. all of the people in the film were involved with the radio station in one way or another. there were six of us in the film. though there were more folks working at the radio station.

when the film was completed i took it to a film class i was taking at a local junior college. the instructor liked the film but said it lacked exposition. the film ran approximately a bit over 5 minutes. not much time for any exposition mostly due to the fact the movie was silent. though when i showed it the film class i used bob dylan’s, ‘the gates of eden’, as the soundtrack.

at any rate, the film had a number of semi showings because a friend and i who were in the film were also 2 of 4 partners in a light show company. we used the film as part of the show along with a bunch of other stuff. we made some very good money for the time and got to work with the sir douglas quintet, lee michaels, led zeppelin, and any number of local bands. the partnership folded after a very successful run due to internal bickering and youthful insanity.

when the light show company fell apart the movie disappeared. it did show up once at a dance or ‘happening’ in the very early 70′s only to disappear again. this time for good. i ‘ve always thought the story was a good one. a simple morality tale on one level and a decent crime story on an other.

when i started to write, ‘wire to wire’, it occurred to me to turn it into a remake of ‘the bum’ and give it the exposition the movie lacked. i hope i’ve done that. ‘wire to wire’ covers what happened in the movie. baldo meets jenny. she takes him to a dice game. baldo steals the money, runs, and loses it. the bum finds the money and it changes his life around. the bum meets jenny and she takes him to a dice game. the bum learns the game is crooked. the bum gets stabbed to death. i played the part of the bum in the movie. bruce day was also my radio name when i was in that business long ago. all the other names used in ‘wire to wire’ bear no intentional resemblance to anyone living or dead. thanks for reading ‘wire to wire’ and if you know what happened to the movie, ‘the bum’, i’d love to hear from you. yeah, i know, like that’s going to happen.

jmh

wire to wire pt 5

the ex bum watched as jenny’s car crossed euclid made a left then headed north. soon it was out of sight. he just stood there staring and not moving. once he came out of his reverie he decided he was indeed a very lucky man. he’d found 8 grand in cash, met a gorgeous lady, a gorgeous lady who apparently liked older guys, and the same gorgeous young lady had just asked him out to dinner. a prime rib dinner to boot. lady luck was smiling from ear to ear. or so it seemed.

bruce day went back up to his room and showered again. shaved as well. no sense leaving any thing to chance he thought. then he set about getting dressed in his finest new clothes. a fairly nice cheap suit, a pale blue dress shirt, a red and dark blue stripped tie, socks, and new black dress shoes. when he was finished dressing he figured he looked ok. he could probably get away with the same outfit when he started to look for radio work again. day for got or neglected to buy a wristwatch. he had no idea how long he’d taken getting ready. bruce turned on the tv and tuned it to cnn. he still had twenty minutes or so. the bum sat and watched the news while hardly paying any attention to it. his thoughts were on his date with his new friend, jenny rider.

a few minutes before jenny was due to pick him up he made his way outside and stood in the late afternoon shade while he waited. the san gabriel mountains were clear and turning a nice pale purple in the setting sun. not long after his arrival jenny’s car pulled to the curb. bruce day was thinking this was very nice as he heard the passenger side door unlock.

jenny rider looked even more stunning than he remembered. her perfume was intoxicating. he realized he hadn’t been with a woman who smelled so nice in a long long time. let alone a woman who looked as good as she did. day hoped he wouldn’t make an ass of himself. jenny flashed him a big smile and said.

‘hi, bruce, you look nice. i hope you’re hungry.’

‘thanks, jenny you look great. that perfume is amazing. hungry? you bet. i haven’t had prime rib in ages.’

‘good, we’re going to the sycamore inn up in cucamonga. have you heard of it?’

‘sure who hasn’t? it’s been a number of years since i’ve been there though. i’m really looking forward to it.’

jenny smiled again as bruce got in the car then pulled away from the curb. the stereo system was quietly playing an old gram parsons cd. ‘a song for you’ and jenny’s perfume filled his senses. they made small talk and bruce was happy he was able to keep up the conversation without letting on he’d spent the last several years out on the street drunk 24-7.

‘you know it’s interesting that a young lady like yourself would be listening to an old gram parsons cd.’

‘probably. i was exposed to him at a very early age by my mother. she was a huge gram and emmylou fan. i imagine it’s the first music i ever heard. either in the womb or out of it.’

‘very cool. i’m a big fan myself. too bad things ended up the way they did for him.’

as bruce was speaking they were entering the sycamore inn parking lot. he thought the place looked the same. the only difference, of course, being the sycamore trees that were nestled about were even larger than he remembered.

‘when i was a kid there was a sycamore tree growing up through the floor in the east end of the dinning room. is it still there?’

‘really? i didn’t know that. and no. i’ve been coming here for a long time and i’ve never seen it. the east end is now sorta like a party room.’

‘oh. ok.’

bruce day quickly got out of the car and went over to the drivers side in order to help jenny from the lexus.

‘my, such a gentleman’. jenny smiled.

she took bruce’s hand as they walked up the stairs to the front door. day’s heart skipped a beat or two then settled down. yeah, settle down he thought, this could be a long evening. don’t blow it. their table wasn’t quite ready so jenny suggested they sit at the bar and order a drink. bruce day hadn’t considered this option. he’d been doing ok with not drinking for the past couple of days but no telling what the hell would happen if he started to drink again so soon after stopping. though they would be eating soon. so why not? magic seemed to be in the air.

jenny ordered a margarita. bruce was still thinking when the bartender asked him what he wanted. it took a couple of tries by the barkeep to get bruce’s attention. he finally ordered a vodka martini straight up with olives. may as well dive right in were his thoughts. they sat at the bar sipping their drinks and chatting. several minutes later they were told their table was ready. taking their drinks with them they went into the dinning room and dinner.

their dinner was spectacular. just as good as bruce day remembered from back in the day. probably some of the best prime rib to be found for miles. nothing like it. after their drinks were finished jenny ordered a bottle of red wine. then another. after dessert she suggested an after dinner drink in the bar. bruce said sure why not? sipping their drinks at the bar bruce asked jenny what she did for a living. the subject hadn’t come up before.

‘i’m a consultant. i…help folks with their business. you know like steer customers to people that may help. i more or less freelance my services which keeps me free to do what i want when i want. though there is a local business…i…do a number of things for.’

‘sounds interesting. it must keep you busy.’

‘it keeps me on my toes that’s for sure.’

‘um, i was just wondering…ok…i’ve been wondering why you asked me out? i mean…’

‘ah, sure. you were such a gentleman when you were helping me out today and you’re cute. i just wanted to get to know you. i’m glad i did.’

‘me too.’

several minutes passed before either of them spoke again. jenny broke the silence.

‘do you like to gamble, bruce?’

‘um, yeah, sometimes. i’m not much of a gambler really. why do you ask?’

‘oh, well, i know of a party tonight where they’ll probably be a dice game going down. just a few people. would you care to join me?’

it was probably the last thing he wanted to do. especially after drinking what he already had consumed. things could get crazy if he didn’t watch himself. probably crazy enough to blow whatever chance he had with jenny. plus, blow his new found fortune. he was carrying it. no way he would leave it in his motel room. at any rate, alcohol and gambling. not a pair to draw to for bruce day.

‘ok. sure why not? i seem to be saying that a lot tonight. i’m afraid if it involves you jenny i’d be down for just about anything.’

jenny gave him her radiant smile and put her hand under the bar and on his thigh.

‘how sweet of you. finish your drink and let’s go.’

she left her hand there until bruce got off his bar stool. he waited for her and they walked arm in arm out of the restaurant. when they got to jenny’s car bruce was there to open the door for her. he asked.

‘are you sure you’re ok to drive?’

smiling she pushed bruce up against the car then kissed him. they stood there kissing and groping each for what seemed like to bruce a good ten minutes. he was ready for a room or the backseat when jenny broke it off.

‘oh boy. that was hot. ummm. just something to look forward to later. ok?’

bruce caught his breath and said.

‘ah, yeah. sure why not?’

‘good. let’s go to the party.’

jenny drove carefully to the same house on ‘h’ st. the same spot she always took her prospects to. eddie and danny layne’s home. her main and only clients in her ‘consulting business’. once she had the car parked a few doors away she kissed bruce again and let him feel her up a bit.

‘easy there. nice thing about this is it isn’t far from your room. we’ll hang out. play some craps. then go up to your room. ok?’

‘um, yeah, ok, i mean…er…sure why not?’

there it was again. bruce day was pretty well in his cups as it were. feeling no pain. he’d probably say or do anything to get jenny alone in his room or any room or the backseat or out on the road as the beatles once sang. he didn’t care. he was more than ready for ms jenny rider.

the street was it’s usual dark. no lights coming from the front of the layne’s house. they walked to the front door arm in arm. bruce day still trying to feel jenny up. she was giggling and making no real effort to stop him. they got up the porch steps in one piece and jenny rang the bell. a short wait and the door opened. it was danny layne.

‘hey jenny. good to see you, girl.’

‘hi, danny. this is bruce. ok?’

‘sure, you know that. come on in, bruce. nice to meet you.’

once inside the two men shook hands. danny led them to the back room where the ‘party’ was happening. there he introduced bruce to his brother and a couple of other guys who were shooting dice. an army blanket was on the floor and a decent amount of cash was on the blanket. jenny went off to make some drinks and a tipsy bruce tied to pull a couple of hundred dollars from his pocket without showing everyone in the room his wad of cash. he almost succeeded in pulling it off. almost. only eddie and danny saw the large roll. they gave each other a look that bruce and the other guys totally missed.

jenny brought in the drinks for her and bruce. it was a vodka rocks. he killed his drink with one swallow and handed his glass back to jenny. apparently his sign he was ready for another. jenny flashed the brothers layne a look then left to make the drink. bruce had his cash out and placed a hundred down saying he didn’t think that one of the other guys would make his point. the man didn’t.

things went semi sorta ok for bruce as the evening wore on. he was drinking and becoming more animated. the other two fellows got tired of losing and left. bruce was ready to leave as well but eddie suggested they double their bets for say like the three of them getting one chance each to hold the dice. jenny wan’t playing. bruce hadn’t noticed.

what he did he notice was danny palming a pair of dice. though it didn’t register until he saw him do it again after bruce had lost a grand on one pass.

‘hey. hold on there, pilgrim. i saw that. you palmed some dice. something ain’t right here. let me see those dice.’

‘what are you talking about, man. i’m not palming any dice. look. see?’

danny opened his hand and it was empty. that didn’t stop bruce day.

‘look. i know what i saw. you palmed some dice. i’m thinking the dice are loaded or at least one set is. i may be pretty loaded myself but i know a fixed dice game when i see one.’

‘hey, man. chill out.’ it was eddie. ‘there are no loaded dice and i think you’d better apologize to my brother.’

‘piss off douche. you guys are crooks and i’m outta here. you coming jenny?’

jenny just stood there with an odd look on her face. saying nothing.

‘you coming jenny?’

still nothing. though now she was looking back and forth between the brothers.

‘oh shit. now i get it. this whole thing has been a set up. a den of thieves here. i’m gone and i’m calling the cops. screw this shit.’

bruce day was making his way to the door, his back to the brothers, when he heard the snick of two blades opening. he felt one of the blades enter his right lung. deflating it. the next stab was expertly inserted into his heart as he fell to the floor. the blade then twisted and buried deeper. bruce day was dead several seconds after he hit the floor. hands went into his pockets removing all of his cash. danny and eddie removed their knives then wiped them clean on bruce’s new suit as they rolled him up in the army blanket. the two brothers carried the bum in the blanket to a bathroom and put him in the tub. one of the brothers spoke.

‘we’ll take out the trash a bit later, bro. i need a drink. but first…ms jenny…what the fuck? where’d you find this guy?’

the end

jmh

copyright 2012 by john hauge

wire to wire pt 4

the bum, a once semi noted disc jockey by the name of bruce day, sat in the garage and just stared at the found money. over 8 grand he kept thinking. 8 grand in cash in small bills. an amazing sum of cash. even back when he was semi sober and still working he’d never seen that much cash in one place or at a time. vegas not counting. in his hungover state the sum was staggering.

he was more or less dumbfounded and unable to move. though the 7-11 up on ‘g’ st was calling to him. the jug wines seemed like sirens on some long ago greek shore beckoning him to come to them. he could see them. the jugs that is. why, he could buy them all if he wanted and just get totally pissed for days. sure why not? the poor man was in no shape for this. fortunately for him he fell asleep and stayed that way for the next 16 hours.

when the bum awoke he was sore and and his muscles ached from sleeping on the cold hard concrete. his bones felt as brittle as hard candy. he wasn’t even sure if he could stand. when he finally got to his feet he knew what he must do. he’d take the cash and get his life turned around for good. maybe even get back into radio. sure why not? everyone had probably forgotten his drunken on air tirade about crappy music and top 40 radio that had started the slippery slide to his hell on earth. drunken days and nights blurring into one. the mad free fall from respectability to the ignominy of a drunken bum on the streets of ontario. roaring madness screaming like banshees in the night.

but first he needed to clean up. or maybe more importantly he needed to make sure none of his drunken homeless buddies knew of his new found cash. if any of them found out he knew he’d probably not live through the day. his next few days needed to be carefully thought out until he was clean and sober enough to pass through town unnoticed by his street brethren. a decent lot but when a large amount of cash was involved or even a small amount it became a dog eat dog existence. every drunken crazy for himself. yeah, he’d try and help them but he needed to help himself first.

he waited in the garage until night fell. careful not to make any noise he left the garage and headed out of the alley. when he reached fern he noticed the house on the corner and it’s open backdoor. there were no lights on inside the home. the bum knew the home belonged to baldo somebody or another. a vaguely nice guy who on occasion had given him cigarettes and money. yeah, a nice guy. the bum wondered what was up. he moved closer to the home and decided he’d just go in. for sure something was up but the open backdoor was calling to him.

his mind made up he went inside the house and closed the door. he left the lights off and wandered through the house calling baldo’s name. of course, there was no answer. baldo was long gone. his bus ride to barstow then hopping hopping a train to points unknown. yeah, baldo was in the wind. only just beginning his long slide into the depths.

satisfied the house was empty the bum locked the backdoor but kept the lights off. he fumbled through the refrigerator and found some food to eat. thankfully, for some reason, he wasn’t thinking about getting drunk. no drinking. he needed to turn himself around. after he finished eating he figured he may as well stay the night. if baldo turned up he could probably talk his way out of jail. after all it was he who found the open backdoor. closed it then locked it. what’s a little food amount to when performing a good deed? bruce day former disk jockey ever the good samaritan.

having had enough to eat the bum retired to the living room and fell asleep on the couch. he slept through the night and when he awoke in the morning he was startled by his surroundings until he remembered what had happened the day before. he was actually feeling pretty good. he’d forage around for more food then perhaps he’d further impose upon baldo’s absent hospitality by cleaning up.

the bum made himself a spectacular breakfast of eggs, sausages, hash browns, biscuits with butter and honey. coffee too. he was amazed he could still remember how to cook. after his meal he fought off the urge to go back to sleep. instead he found the bathroom where he stayed in the shower washing his dirty body and shaving until he ran out of hot water. after his shower he looked through baldo’s clothes. he figured they were pretty close to the same size. he tried on a shirt and it fit. next came under ware and a pair of faded green khakis. some sneakers and an old dodger cap. no sense taking anything newer. he would buy better stuff later.

as he looked at himself in the bedroom mirror the bum thought he could almost see the old bruce day begin to emerge. it put a smile on the bum’s face. at any rate, he didn’t look anything like the bum anymore. he looked pretty like a much normal joe. not wanting to over stay his welcome he figured it was time to leave. plus, none of his old homeless cronies would recognize him now.

the bum locked up and left. as he was walking away from the house an old green gmc jimmy pulled up to the curb. two men were inside. one of them called to him.

‘hey. you must know baldo. do you know where he is?’

‘nope. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i figure he took off with one of his friends. i’ve been busy working. just got home myself.’

both guys were barely paying any attention to him. they were more intent on staring at the house. fine by the bum. he just wanted out of there. the two men slowly pulled away and left the bum alone. he walked to a mexican joint and bought an early dinner. after eating he went to a drug store and bought soap, shampoo, deodorant, a razor and shaving foam. then he went straight to the motel on the corner of ‘h’ and euclid. he rented a room and fell asleep soon after.

in the morning he cleaned up again before going out. he wanted breakfast and he needed some new clothes. breakfast was easy and quick. then it was off to find some new clothes. downtown ontario wasn’t anywhere near what it used to be so finding some especially nice clothing wasn’t that easy. afterwards, he dropped by the local salvation army office and gave them a several hundred dollars. they were more than willing to get the cash and very happy about it as well. it made the bum feel good too. day would give them more after he found a job.

he went back to his room showered again then put on some of the new clothes he’d just purchased. he wanted to go out and walk around in the new stuff. he didn’t know why but it’s what he wanted to do. maybe just to feel normal. while he was out and about trying to be normal once again the bum spotted a very gorgeous young lady walking out of a bakery trying to carry a number of large boxes full of pastries. ever the gentleman the bum rushed up to her and offered to help.

‘why sure. thank you. that’s very kind of you.’

‘not a problem miss.’

after all the boxes were in the car the bum introduced himself.

‘ah, my name is bruce. bruce day.’

‘nice to meet you, bruce. i’m jenny. jenny rider.’

‘nice to meet you too, jenny. um, i guess i’ll be on my way. maybe i’ll see you around.’

‘yes, maybe. have a great day. and thanks again.’

not thinking anymore about it the bum or bruce went back to his room and a nap. when he woke up he went outside to get some fresh air. as he stood outside on the sidewalk a car pulled up to the curb. it was a lexus a few years old though clean and shinny. day thought he recognized the car. the tinted passenger side window came down.

‘hi, bruce. how are you?’

‘jenny? oh, hi. i’m doing ok. just getting some air.’

‘i was driving by heading home and i saw you standing there and…um…i usually don’t do this…but i was wondering if you’d like to take me out to dinner later? i know it’s not…ah…you were so kind to help out me earlier.’

it startled him some but bruce day handled it well. plus jenny’s radiant smile had him hooked.

‘well, i don’t see why not. i don’t have anything else going on tonight. why sure, i’d be honored.’

‘cool. ah, are you staying here?’

‘yeah. i’m just sorta passing through.’

‘alright. i’ll pick you up right here in two hours. i know a great place for prime rib.’

bruce said fine and jenny smiled again then waved while pulling away into traffic. damn, the ex bum thought, things were really beginning to look up.

jmh

wire to wire pt 3

it was just beginning to turn light out when baldo bustamonte groaned and woke up on the couch. his fingers hurt from gripping the cash since he’d fallen asleep. he let the wad slide from his fingers to the floor as he opened and closed both hands several times in an effort to get the blood flowing again. baldo was also thirsty his throat very dry. he groaned again as he lifted himself off of the couch. the money stayed in a pile on the floor as he walked over it.

in the kitchen he drank a glass of water at the sink then made a pot of coffee. while the coffee brewed he rummaged around in the kitchen drawers for a rubber band. finding one he went back into the living room and picked up the cash. deciding then to count it. the smell of the fresh coffee lured him back into the kitchen. baldo sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and counting the cash in the early morning light. $8,266 was the grand total. he rolled the cash into a wad and placed the rubber band around it. satisfied it was secure he put the cash in a silverware drawer then went to take a shower.

several blocks away eddie layne was already working the phone. the calls weren’t making many folks happy that early sunday morning but once the problem was explained he had everyone’s sympathy and the early hour was quietly forgotten. eddie wasn’t making much headway though a few of his friends said they would call around as well since the baldo guy sounded some what familiar to them. they would get back to eddie as soon as they had something. eddie began to think maybe he should have started calling last night. sighing, he figured what was done was done. drumming his fingers on the kitchen table he lit a smoke and waited for the phone to ring.

the shower invigorated baldo as it washed away the sleep and last nights dread. after drying himself off he shaved then put on clean clothes. back in the kitchen he drank more coffee while wondering what he should do. stealing the money seemed like a good idea at the time last night but now in the light of the new day he wasn’t so sure. after all, eddie and danny layne lived in the same town as he. ontario wasn’t los angeles. more than likely very soon their paths would cross. yes, they had never met before but the theft of the crooked dice game money was another issue all together. baldo was sure the layne brothers would not let the theft drift off to be forgotten. then there was the jenny rider issue. she sure had taken him for a ride. christ. he was getting old.

one option was to call the cops and tell them the story. the problem with that was he’d probably never see any of his money again. for sure the cops would impound it as evidence and some judge just might decide the state should get the illegal gambling money. even if some of it had been acquired legally betting the horses. baldo was thinking he’d call a lawyer friend of his a bit later and run the deal by him. just to see what other options there might be. bustamonte finished off the pot of coffee while he made scrambled eggs and toast with apricot jelly. he decided to call his lawyer friend after he ate breakfast..

eddie layne was on his fourth cigarette and second pot of coffee when his brother walked into the kitchen. danny was sporting a small gauze patch on left side of his forehead.

‘how are you doing?’

‘ok. it finally stopped bleeding a couple of hours ago. i was beginning to think i was gonna need stitches. anymore coffee left? where’s jenny?’

‘yes and still asleep. i’ve already been making some calls. waiting now for something to come back to us. it will. just depends on how long it takes.’

‘yeah, no point going looking for his car. it’s probably in the garage or maybe he skipped town last night. hard to say.’

‘if he did skip he’ll have to come back sooner or later. we’ll have his place by then. he’ll be ours when he does come back.’

‘that’s right. eight grand or so isn’t enough to start all over. not at his age. he probably owns his house as well. if he’s gone he’ll be back.’

‘yep. i’m going to make a fried ham and egg sandwich. you want one?’

‘sure. i’ll get the bread ready.’

as the two brothers were finishing their breakfast the phone rang. eddie layne smiled as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

‘bingo. he’s ours.’

eddie picked up the phone and listened. he hung up after saying thank you.

‘he lives in that old two story house on the northwest corner of ‘d’ and fern. let’s roll.’

‘we’ll have to be careful. it’s sunday and they’ll be plenty of people at the church across the street.’

eddie layne smiled and said. ‘the organ music and singing will drown out anything mr. bustamonte has to say.’

danny laughed as he grabbed the cars keys and the two brothers left the house on their mission to recover their lost money.

baldo was still sitting at his kitchen table when something made him get up and go to the living room and look through the curtains and out to the street. a late model chevy or gmc truck had just pulled to the curb across the street. there were two men inside the vehicle. no mistake about it. the two men were eddie and danny layne. that was fast thought baldo as his mind raced to think of what he was going to do now. run was the only thing he could come up with. staying and shooting it out with the layne brothers probably wasn’t a good idea. nor was calling the cops.

they were still in the truck. probably figuring out their next move. baldo was glad they hadn’t planned it out already. it gave him a head start. he ran to the kitchen and pulled the wad of money from the drawer. he knew he didn’t have time to get his car so he just ran out the back door. he wasn’t very quiet about it. baldo just kept running. he ran through the backyard and left into the alley behind the house. for an older guy he was moving pretty good down the alley. as he was running he turned back to see if they were on to him yet. a bad move. baldo crashed into several trash cans. fell and lost the wad of cash in the pile up. he scrambled about a bit but couldn’t find the money. cursing himself he got up and kept on moving.

the layne brothers heard the backdoor slam. they knew baldo was on the move. instead of staying in the truck and using it to chase him they got out and started to run around the house. by the time they were in the front yard they heard the crash in the alley. hustling they hurried on towards the noise.

in an abandoned garage a bum or homeless guy had been sleeping off a cheap drunk. he was awakened by the crashing trash cans. it took him a bit but he found his bottle and stumbled outside about the time the layne brothers were running by. they literally ran into him. then shoved him into the trash cans. by this time they saw that baldo was gone from the alley. realizing their mistake the brothers turned and ran back to their car.

the bum laid there on the glass from his broken wine jug among the trash cans. amongst other assorted trash as well. he was somewhat dazed and confused. but that generally seemed to be the case with him. once he got his hungover thoughts together he tried to get up. it took a couple of tries and in doing so he cut himself on the broken wine bottle. when he finally stood up he noticed one hand was bleeding and the other was holding a large wad of cash wrapped with a rubber band.

by the time the brothers made it back to their truck and got it turned around in the sunday morning church traffic. then headed in the right direction it became painfully apparent baldo bustamonte was in the wind. cursing their stupidity they cruised slowly around the neighborhood. for some reason they choose to search to the north first. if they had gone south they might have found him. for that was the direction baldo had run. he was still running hard with no intention of slowing down. then he saw it.

the greyhound bus station. baldo knew he had a couple of hundred dollars in his wallet. he always carried the cash. you just never knew was what he said. he hustled into the bus station and was lucky enough to catch the bus that was just leaving bound for barstow. as he boarded the bus he thought tomorrow was another day. today was for getting the hell out of dodge in one piece.

the layne brothers cruised around the neighborhood for another half hour or so before giving up and heading home. they saw the bus depot but never put it together.

the bum? he’d gone back into his abandoned garage to count his new found fortune. he’d been counting for awhile when he realized that maybe this was someones idea to get him to straighten out his life. he’d consider it after he finished counting the cash. yeah, maybe if another jug of wine didn’t call to him in the meantime.

jmh

wire to wire pt 2

as they were pulling out of the racetrack parking lot baldo bustamonte thought it would be a good idea if he asked jenny where they were going for dinner.

‘we’ve been all over the place talking about this and that i, ah, forgot to ask where we’re going to eat.’

‘make a right on foothill, old route 66, and head towards glendora. we’re going to the golden spur.’

‘ok. yeah, i’ve always wanted to go there. i hear the rack of lamb is outstanding.’

‘i’m surprised you’ve never done it. it’s not that far from the track. and the lamb is to die for.’

‘yeah, well you know. been by it any number of times. you want to know something else?’

‘what?’

‘i don’t know where you live. though i guess after dinner we could just drive around until you tell me.’

‘hahaha. that’s funny. and you’re right. i live in ontario. by the high school.’

‘no kidding? me too. i live downtown near the catholic church.’

it was odd that the two hadn’t spoken of where they lived until now but in the grand scheme of things the night was only going to get even more odd at best. dinner at the golden spur turned out to be as advertised. an outstanding rack of lamb cooked to perfection. baldo was impressed. the restaurant was someplace he’d be coming back to again. the dinner was leisurely and the talk still lively.

‘hey, look ms. jenny. before i drink anymore wine i think it’s about time i got you home. ok?’

‘sure. ok.’

the pair made their way out to baldo’s car and as they approached it jenny rider fell into baldo’s arms. they kissed deeply. when the embrace broke jenny smiled and spoke first.

‘you know baldo. i generally don’t do that with men i just met. especially men who could be considered father figures.’

‘thanks for putting that in such a nice way. let’s get out of here before i get some other ideas.’

the drive back to ontario was almost silent. the two content to just sit and be with one another. especially in bustamonte’s case. when they reached upland baldo made a right on euclid ave and headed south to ontario. jenny spoke.

‘i’m not ready to go home. i know of a dice game going down tonight. it might be fun. you interested?’

baldo thought to himself he was more interested in something else but said.

‘ok. sure why not? it might be fun. maybe i can parlay some of my horse money into a bigger bankroll. where is it?’

‘that’s the spirit, baldo. it’s at this guy’s house on ‘h’ st west of the iron skillet. north side. i know where it is.’

this really wasn’t something baldo wanted to do but he was going along with it if only for the fact he could spend some more time with jenny. even if it involved being around other people. he was thinking more along the lines of just the two of them in a more intimate setting. a dice game with strangers was far from his thoughts.

the night was dark and once they turned west on ‘h’ st it became even darker. the stately trees lining the street made it hard for the sparse street light to penetrate their foliage. what did manage to make it to the street could barely be called light.

‘ok. we’re almost there. two more houses. park anywhere.’

‘sure.’ was all bustamonte said. he was thinking other thoughts but didn’t want to say anything to jenny about them. he was afraid if he did his new found friend and the prospect of later fun would probably evaporate very quickly. thoughts like, who are these people? how did jenny know them and their game? were just a couple of the thoughts. as he parked his car jenny cuddled up close to him and lightly kissed him on the cheek.

‘this will be fun. i love a good craps game.’

‘ah, yeah. me too. let’s get going.’

once again baldo’s thoughts were on other things. he wanted only for the game to be over so he could possibly take on another situation with jenny rider. the two walked quietly hand in hand up to the home’s front porch. there were no lights on other than some at the back of the house. they cast stark shadows along the empty driveway. jenny rang the bell and after a few moments a very tall gentleman answered the ring.

‘jenny. nice to see you.’

‘hi, eddie. we’re here for the game. this is baldo. i hope you don’t mind.’

‘mind? nah, jenny. any friend of yours is ok by me. come on in. the game is in the back room.’

once inside the house jenny made the more formal introductions. eddie layne was the guy’s name. he and his brother danny owned the house and were running the game. it was something they did a few times a month for some fun and if they were lucky a little cash. or that was the story. baldo was thinking things didn’t look really kosher but his friend inside his pants was, at that point of the evening, doing most of his thinking for him. never a good thing to be sure.

there were a couple of other people in the back room when they entered. along with a good amount of cash on the floor. an old army blanket was in place as well and it was being used as the dice table as is were. there were three other men in the room.

‘it’s not vegas. but it works. hi, jenny.’

the man stuck his hand out towards baldo and said.

‘i’m danny. eddie’s brother.’

more introductions were made and baldo started to feel a little better about being there. he still wished he was somewhere else but decided to make the best of it. jenny went off to make them some drinks and the men resumed their game. the two other men had obviously been playing awhile and were not doing well. most of the money on the floor was theirs. which now belonged to the two brothers. when jenny came back with their drinks baldo had a very strange feeling once again but let it slide.

the two men continued to lose more money while bustamonte’s cash went up and down. mostly down. when he’d entered the game he had around $4,000 dollars. after a couple of drinks he was down to a bit under $2,000. this wasn’t working out like he had hoped. as for the other two men they got tired of losing and said good night. while eddie showed the two men to the door baldo stared at the money on the army blanket. there had to be a good 6 or 7 thousand dollars there. maybe even more.

he sighed and wished he was still a cigarette smoker. as he looked up he noticed a reflection in a picture on the wall. the reflection clearly showed eddie and jenny in the hallway locked in an embrace with eddie’s hand up jenny’s dress and hers on eddie’s crotch. what the hell? by this time baldo was fairly drunk but it didn’t take him long to figure out the score. he was being taken for a ride by miss jenny and her two friends. and he was fairly certain that the dice were loaded and the game was totally rigged in their favor. how had he gotten himself into this situation? yeah, right. his little friend.

jenny and eddie came back into the room and the dice game began again. as baldo lost a few more hundred dollars he began to get antsy. he wasn’t sure what he was going to do but he needed to do something. at that point jenny left to make more drinks and eddie went to the can. that left baldo and danny alone in the room together. time for his move. it was now or never thought baldo. sure, he wasn’t thinking very straight but that’s one thought that didn’t occur to him.

danny was sitting on his haunches counting the large wad of cash. suddenly, baldo grabbed a framed photograph on a table and struck danny in the head with it as he shoved him very hard into the wall. baldo scooped up all of the cash and headed for the front door. he was outside and on the run before anyone in the house knew what was going on. well, other than danny. he made it to his car and had it fired up as the front door opened and light streamed out onto the dark front yard. it was eddie layne.

baldo burned rubber as he left the curb then sped down the dark street without the cars headlights. at the corner he barely slowed down as he made a careening left and sped towards his home. eddie was in the middle of the street by this time and knew trying to catch baldo at this point wasn’t very likely. he went back into the house to check on his brother.

jenny had a wet towel and was holding it to danny’s forehead. there were a few drops of blood on the floor.

‘you ok, bro?’

‘yeah, the fucker cold cocked me. it’s just a flesh wound. i’ll be ok.’

‘he got all of the cash didn’t he?’

‘fraid so, eddie. sorry.’

‘me too guys. i…i…never thought it would come to this…’

‘well shit, jenny who did?’ it was eddie who spoke. he continued.

‘you did good in finding him, jenny. real good. you’ve got a real talent for that. did you find out where he lives?’

‘no, well, not really. someplace around st. george’s.’

‘ok. it’s a start.’

eddie grabbed the phone and called information and asked for baldo’s number. it was unlisted.

‘it’s not a large area but too big to start looking tonight. if he’s even going home. i’ll make a couple of calls in the morning. we’ll find him.’

baldo bustamonte drove south down vine with his lights still off. he ran the stop at ‘g’ st and kept on going south. when he reached ‘d’ st he ran the stop as he turned left. his luck was still holding as there was no one else out and about at that hour. not even the cops. when he reached his home on the corner of ‘d’ and fern he pulled his car into the garage in the alley. collected all the cash. got out of the car. closed the garage door and went into the house. sitting alone and thinking in the dark living room baldo bustamonte fell asleep on the couch tightly clutching the large wad of cash.

jmh

wire to wire pt 1

the cigar smelled expensive. not a cheap smoke for sure but still cigar smoke. he thought of saying something to the guy. instead he looked around for empty seats and searched for some among non smokers. not seeing any he sighed and resigned himself to a day at the races filled with cigar smoke. at least the day was sparkling clear in that early january way you often got in southern california. wet or dry. the day cool in the shadow of the roof over head. the few empty seats filling up fast. first post was forty-five minutes away. waving at some of the cigar smoke with his racing form baldo bustamonte sighed again as he stood up. he unfolded the newspaper and placed it over the back of his seat. the proper way of seat saving at santa anita. if you weren’t aware of that fact you were quickly introduced to it by anyone sitting nearby if you tried to take the seat. common race track etiquette is a way of life in arcadia.

baldo bustamonte made his way to the betting windows where he placed $500 across the board on the number 4, 5, and 8 horses. it was his usual opening race bet. regardless of who the horses or jockeys were or the odds. regardless of anything other than the numbers: 4, 5, and 8. they were a combination of his birth month and birth year. and it was something he’d been doing ever since he started going to the races with his parents back in the early 60′s. too young then to place bets so his mom or dad placed the bets for him. of course, the bet back then was nothing close to his now standard $500 opening bet. over the years he’d actually been fairly lucky with it. maybe lady luck would smile on him again today.

after placing his bet baldo wandered over to a concession stand and bought a couple of hot dogs and a draft beer. he brought the food and drink back to his seat and was elated to see the cigar smoker’s seat was empty and there was no newspaper or racing form over it’s back. maybe today was going to be a lucky day after all. smiling and humming an old gram parsons tune while he ate, baldo almost choked on his beer when a stunning young lady made her way to the now empty seat. stunning and alone. fortune was indeed smiling on baldo this cool clear january afternoon. or so it seemed.

the well dressed young woman got up and placed her racing form over the back of the seat. sweet, baldo thought, she’s here for awhile at least. while thinking that thought their eyes met and baldo felt a quick jolt as the young lady smiled at him. post time was quickly approaching so she was probably on her way to make a bet. baldo decided to let things take whatever course they would take regarding the young lady. he wasn’t going to push it. even though pushing it wouldn’t be a bad idea. she was gorgeous. he was there for the races and hopefully for a much needed inflow of cash. not there to get lucky with the ladies. ladies usually meant a cash outflow. time would tell on both counts.

first post had sounded and the horses were out on the track walking to the starting gate when the young woman returned. she removed the newspaper from the back of her seat and shot baldo another jolting smile. if this keeps up, he thought, i’m in trouble. baldo bustamonte needed a clear head if he was going to make any money on the horses today. though he did smile back. more like a lopsided ear to ear grin. he told himself to chill out as he began to study the second race card in the racing form.

as the horses neared the starting gate baldo put down his paper and watched them enter the gate with his field glasses. they were a calm lot and none of them seemed to be spooked by anything or anyone. probably a good sign. when the last horse entered the gate a split second later the bell rang and the track announcer’s voice came over the speakers. ‘and they’re off!’

as the horses made their first pass in front of the stands baldo was pleasantly surprised to see the 4, 5, and 8 horses in the lead running neck and neck. rounding the first turn it seemed as if they were beginning to pull away while still running as a trio. neck and neck. the clear almost three dimensional san gabriel mountains are the perfect backdrop to the santa anita backstretch. the backstretch where baldo’s horses were still neck and neck and a good two lengths in front of the next horse. as he watched the three horses through his field glasses he began to feel his pulse quicken. there was nothing like it. a bunch of money riding on the first race. a bunch of money on your horses in the first race. and your horses in the lead as they approached the second turn and the home stretch.

coming through the last turn almost seemed to slingshot the three horses down the home stretch. their lead now three and a half lengths. still running neck and neck. baldo stood up and cheered his horses on. the rest of the crowd was on their feet as well. yelling. cheering. urging on the horses. by the time they reached the finish line they were five lengths in front and the number 4 horse had the lead by a neck. the number 5 horse in second by a nose with number 8 in the show position as they thundered past and crossed the finish line. baldo bustamonte was ecstatic as he yelled and jumped up and down. he’d done a quick calculation in his head and figured he was now up in the neighborhood of $2,300. sweet indeed.

the crowd began to calm down a bit but there was still a buzz in the air. they had just seen something almost magical. something almost unbelievable. three horses running neck and neck. wire to wire. a few minutes later when the numbers were posted baldo let out a shriek when he saw he’d won $2,556 on the first race. a new record for him and his standard opening bet. he was still jumping up and down yelling when the young lady turned and looked at him saying.

‘you must have hit the jackpot.’

‘pretty much. it’s a nice hit for sure. my biggest first race ever.’

‘lucky you.’

yeah. lucky me. thought baldo bustamonte. lucky me.

baldo sat down and dug out his winning ticket from his shirt pocket. he held it in both hands as he looked at it. while he was staring at the ticket he was drawn from his reverie once again by the young lady.

‘i won a couple of bucks too. let’s cash our tickets in and get a drink.’

baldo looked up at her smiled and said. ‘sure. sounds like a plan to me.’

as the two made their way to the nearest aisle baldo was thinking this was turning out to be a very lucky day indeed. when they got to the asile baldo introduced himself. as they were shaking hands the young lady told baldo her name was, jenny rider. they walked up the stairs to the pay out windows and collected their winnings, chatting along the way.

since they had forgotten to save their seats baldo suggested an upgrade to the ‘turf club’ for their drink. his treat. jenny agreed and they made their way to the club. once inside they got their drinks sat down and chatted some more. it turned out jenny had come to the track with some guy she’d recently started dating. for some reason or another they gotten into a fight and jenny had left the guy and wandered over into the area where baldo was sitting in order to get away from the guy. baldo just listened and sipped his vodka rocks while inserting ah huhs and nods as needed. jenny was saying that the problem now was she had no ride home. baldo, being ever the gentleman, said he’d be willing to give jenny a ride home after the last race. jenny smiled and told him thanks. the stupid lopsided grin was back on baldo’s face

the two new friends spent the rest of the day in the ‘turf club’ betting on the horses and getting to know each other. they seemed to be hitting it off fairly well. baldo’s luck stayed with him as well. he won several more races and collected another $1,800 or so. after the eighth race baldo asked if jenny had had enough of the races and if she wouldn’t mind leaving now so they could miss the majority of the crowd heading home later. jenny agreed. she then suggested stopping at a restaurant she knew of on the way for dinner. baldo said fine with him. yes, things were looking up for baldo bustamonte. or so it seemed.

jmh

christmas past and future(?)

this is from 2007 a tad old but i’m being lazy because it’s christmas. ah well, enjoy.

there’s been a few odd christmas eves in my addled and some what sorta wasted life. vietnam being the first.  the trip down to the beach and the south china sea in order to pick up a very odd south vietnamese sorta pine tree for the hooch and christmas.  three of us.  one sorta pine like tree was found and chopped down with the machette.  though in it’s limbs lurked a two step viper.  the most deadly of all snakes in vietnam.  i spotted the fucker and it was killed, in all it’s glory, by the three of us dumping three mags of m-16 ammo into it’s slim and very tiny but deadly body. instant sashimi. the tree ended up in the hooch with some sorta christmas lights and stuff.  one of the more odd and sad christmas’ in my sad demented life.

the other being a couple of years ago when i was on my own and living by myself.  yes, well, for whatever reasons.  i was sick with the flu and it was around 2am on christmas eve day.  i had gotten out of bed in order to pee and fell back into said bed when i heard 4 shots ring out and the death, ahhhh, from the dead guy.  the bedroom window was open.  turns out to have been a homeless guy and a drug deal gone bad.  well, that was the street version any the ways.  the true version i’m sure.  though to this day there are still folks out there who think the guy was a sorta saint.   just goes to show what the straight world knows about anything.  the other homeless had no use for the said dead guy.  trust me.

yeah, it’s christmas and i hope all of you have a very good and pleasant one.  there’s folks out there that aren’t going to have one.  that being a merry or pleasant christmas.  sad but true.  i hope you all do something to help those less fortunate.  that might include those in the military and off doing the bidding of those who seem to run shit.   yeah, well. any rate, have a merry christmas and a happy new year.

jmh

2011-12 college bowl games picks & predictions

with the regular season over the only thing we fans have left are the season ending bowl games. a little bit of pre holiday and post holiday magic. games gift wrapped up by the ever increasingly omniscient BCS. the big brother of the college football world that can never seem to get things right. this year even more so. we sit and argue the last few weeks of the season knowing full well who should be playing where and against whom only to be trumped and dumped on by the BCS klan and TV money.

make no mistake, it’s all about the money. as you are reading this insanity dump trucks the size of rhode island and belly dumpers twice the size of oahu are being loaded up with tons and tons of cash. used bills with nothing larger than a twenty are being shoveled into the trucks then sent on their way to the deans and regents of pretty much ever school of higher learning in the land. yeah, small used bills with non sequential serial numbers and none of them wrapped with those pesky bands either. for you see, the deans and regents like to wallow buck ass naked in and amongst the used cash. TV folks on the other hand prefer bills no smaller than a cee note. the newer and crisper the better. of course, all properly counted and banded for them. it makes it easier to wire transfer stuff that way. banded currency flows down the wires and out to those off shore accounts much quicker. it also makes it easier to disappear that way. penn and teller are jealous of the speed and greed of the self serving TV crowd.

i’ve been saying this for a few years now. you want playoffs? the BCS doesn’t. no matter what they say. the deans, regents, and comissioners? hell no they don’t. TV? surely you jest. the coaches? another slippery bunch as well. they actually like the current system despite anything they say to the contrary concerning playoffs. why? everybody going to one of the antiquated bowls gets another 21 days more or less of practice. 21 more days of practice the left out bunch doesn’t get. 21 days of sanctioned NCAA one ups man-ship over the also rans. see? no one really wants a playoff system.

too much money slopping around. plenty of lip service and out right balderdash from the deans and regents. who along with the TV folks and antiquated bowls want nothing more than the lip service and loads of balderdash. there are way too many hot needy strippers who need the money doled out by this bunch of crazed fools bent on out drinking a flotilla of sailors on shore leave. they’re all a sad bunch indeed. we on the other hand sit on our hands and enable all those dumb asses. you want playoffs? it’s very simple, kids. and i’m going to keep at it until everyone out there gets it. stop the madness. stop buying tickets to these bowl games. if no one shows up for the games they’ll go away. eventually. perhaps even more important stop watching them on TV. you folks do that they’ll for sure go away and bingo here come the playoffs. it’s not brain surgery people. it’s simple math with a playoff system at the end of the rainbow. suck it up and just do it.

the feds aren’t going to help because they’re just as greedy and corrupt as all of the deans, regents, commissioners, and TV dimwits combined. get over that idea. they can’t even manage the stuff they ought to be doing. let alone ‘fixing college football’. yeah, they’ll fix it alright. fix it right out of existence. then tell us that’s what we really wanted in the first place because football is violent and promotes winning. two very evil things to be sure.

yeah, ok. you came here to read about ‘your’ team and what someone thinks about their chances of wining one of these useless turkeys. fine i’ll pander to some of you. why not? you won’t be getting all of the games because 90% of them are unwatchable at best. no one cares other than you. just remember this is for fun and entertainment purposes only. no spreads or points or any of that stuff here. just straight up win or lose.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12/17 new mexico bowl. temple @ wyoming. interesting because wyoming is playing some good football. also interesting because only a few years ago temple was the worst college team in the country. i’ll take wyoming.

12/17 new orleans bowl. san diego st @ la lafayette. i’m a so calif homer. too bad the aztecs are stuck in this mess of a game. enjoy bourbon st kids but don’t forget there’s a game to play. take san diego st.

12/22 maaco bowl. arizona st @ boise st. might be a decent match up. kellen moore will have already been hosed by the heisman voters so he has nothing to lose. take out the bowl insurance policy and keep him in the whole game for a change coach petersen. take boise st.

12/24 hawaii bowl. nevada @ s. mississippi. only interesting in the fact it will be possibly fun to see if s. miss can get up for another game. take the golden eagles.

12/29 alamo bowl. washington @ baylor. baylor gets a shot at walking all over the huskies. come on sark make it a game, please. take baylor.

12/30 pinstripe bowl. iowa st @ rutgers. big apple thugs are looking forward to the iowa hayseeds flocking to the big city for this one. rutgers gets the nod in order to get the ‘home’ crowd out and in the seats. iowa st thumps rutgers handily.

12/31 fight hunger bowl. illinois @ ucla. the bruins back into another game. this one sans slick rick. they get a gimme from the BCS clowns and the PAC 12 gets a bit more cash in their christmas stocking. amazing. take illinois just because.

1/2 ticket city bowl. houston @ penn st. houston gets a shot at redemption. just remember you must actually play the game in order to receive it, houston. oh alright, take houston.

1/2 rose bowl. wisconsin @ oregon. the granddaddy of them all. i fell in love with the ducks back in 1958 when they lost to ohio st or maybe it was wisconsin in the rose bowl. doesn’t matter really. i still love them. memo to visor head kelly, erase both loses in the ducks other recent bowl games with a win here. you’ll also have to get the team to play much better than they did against the bruins. can you please make a PAC 12 homer proud? thanks in advance. QUACK QUACK!!!!

1/2 fiesta bowl. stanford @ oklahoma st. probably a good game. or maybe the best of the lot. the cowboys hosed by the BCS chumps should be fighting mad. good luck trees. take the cowboys. andrew, take out the insurance. you just might need it.

1/9 BCS championship. alabama @ lsu. the game only the SEC wants to see. the rest of the country be damned. talking heads and the BCS get it all wrong one more bloody time. i love the tide but they played some backwater school in week 13 then sat out week 14. none the less ipso presto facto they end up here in a rematch with lsu. yawn. one i won’t be watching. if you want playoffs you shouldn’t watch this either. time to send a message to all involved in this sordid mess of a system. DON’T WATCH THIS GAME. PERIOD. it’s not even interesting to begin with as it’s a repeat. re-run. re-tread. screw em.

there ya go. merry christmas and happy new year. these are the only bowl games that i have some sort of vague interest in watching. though i probably won’t even watch many of them. the rest of the bowls? no interest what so ever. i don’t care and neither should you. shame on you for sitting around watching this crap foisted upon us by all the greed heads involved. take a stand and turn off your TV and don’t buy tickets to any of the games. it’s the only way the point will ever get across to the numb nuts involved.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 14

call me ishmael. what a great opening line from a classic novel about good and evil. thanks, herman. i don’t know why i got started on this path three weeks ago but i’ll try and steer clear of it from here on out. i had a stellar week to finish off the second to last week of the season by going 8 for 10 with my picks. making my over all stats for the year so far, 70 for 130. a nice bump to be sure in the over all percentage department. with any luck i’ll move it up a little higher with this weeks picks. championship game week, kids. along with the sadness that comes with it. sadness because the college football season is over and done with after this saturday. then it’s nine more months of sitting and waiting for the shortest sweetest season to roll back into our collective lives. yes, there are the bowl games and i’ll get to them next week. the NBA? their season is way too long and i lost all interest during the ‘thug years’. i ain’t going back. MLB? not what it used to be but it’s ok to while away the long hot days of summer. however, in the end it’s a yawn. NFL? nah, not anymore. college football is the only thing myself and plenty of other folks out there have left. sports wise. at least for now any the ways.

picking the 10 games for this week wasn’t that easy. of course, we’ve got the championship games themselves. they were easy enough but there’s just 5 of them. thankfully, there are still a few schools playing some other games as well. the obligatory finishing up the season deals. fine with me as it works in the over all symmetry of things. plus, it gives me something to yammer about other than THE BIG games.

for the last time this year, just remember this is for fun and entertainment purposes only. using anything here for legal or illegal gaming would be insane at best. a really dumb move on multiple levels. don’t do it. keep your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. taking care of your families and even yourself is more important.

the point spreads used here are what i go by in determining my wins and losses for the week. the points may change by game times but what is here is what i use.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12/2 ucla @ oregon. PAC 12 championship. oregon favored by 31.5 points. i may as well jump on the bruins backed into this puppy bandwagon. boy howdy, you can say that again. humiliated by the trojans last week and six days later playing the ducks in the inaugural PAC 12 championship game. amazing. through the glass darkly indeed. hookah smoking caterpillars and all. what is going on here? well, i guess slick rick isn’t going to get one more game and maybe even a bowl game if somebody jerry rigs the flawed BCS deal even more as some are predicting. slick rick was fired by ucla yesterday. adios, slick rick. the timing is a bit odd but slick gets to coach this game friday then he’s gone. no jerry rigged bowl game for him. win or lose. yes, yes. it ain’t over till it’s over and the overweight operatic lady belts one out. however, the bruins winning this little nugget would be along the lines of, well, let’s just say some sort of divine intervention during this christmas season would be needed. though i’m sure visor head kelly will have his hands full this week keeping his kids focused on the game at hand and not down the road on some bowl game with all the related ‘stuff’ involved. he has enough trouble keeping some of them out of the backseat of police cruisers in eugene. it’s a load of points but the ducks should have no problem in covering them and winning. take the ducks. QUACK QUACK!!!!

12/3 s. mississippi @ houston. C USA championship. houston favored by 13 points. unless i’m mistaken this will be the first time all season either team has played a ranked opponent. good old C USA. houston playing at home is pretty much unstoppable. if case keenum is healthy and plays the cougars will probably roll over southern miss. a good game and another chance to watch an outstanding young quarterback. take houston to win and cover.

12/3 iowa st @ kansas st. kansas st favored by 10.5 points. iowa st gets one more shot at screwing up another schools december/january plans. though since their upset victory over oklahoma st things have slid downhill. some wags might even say back to normal. not me. yeah, most years their record blows. however, they are one of the perennial spoilers in the FBS. more often than not the cyclones are apt to screw up just about any other teams saturday. iowa st has also played 7 yes, SEVEN, ranked teams this year. yeah, ok they lost to most of them. however, look to those games as character building or trial by fire. plus, not many schools can say they played SEVEN ranked teams this year or another year for that matter. a let down last week for the cyclones. back in the saddle this week. take iowa st to at least get inside the spread and maybe even win.

12/3 texas @ baylor. baylor favored by 3 points. almost a toss up. home court advantage, the bears. texas righted their ship last weekend. will that be enough? maybe not. baylor has robert griffin lll at qb. take baylor to win and cover the spread.

12/3 georgia @ lsu. SEC championship game. lsu favored by 13 points. the game is supposedly being played on a neutral field. i guess a game played in another venue other than georgia’s sanford stadium is a neutral site for them. i would also guess that said game in atlanta would be considered an away game. i don’t think so. make no mistake this is a home game for the bulldogs. i hope georgia wins for any number of reasons. but i doubt they will. however, take the bulldogs to at least get inside the point spread.

12/3 new mexico @ boise st. boise st favored by 48.5 points. boise st failed, yet again, to cover the spread last week. thanks, wyoming for giving me the win. i probably should have picked the wyoming/colorado st game instead of this possible train wreck in the making game. new mexico has one of the worst FBS programs going. good luck to, bob davie in turning the lobos program around in the next few years. though he just might pull it off. plus, he gets to live in new mexico while he attempts doing just that. win win for him. kellen moore’s last regular season game. one last shot at churning out more smurf turf records. one last shot at impressing the heisman voters. the biggest question being, can he throw enough touchdown passes to cover the boat load of points? i see no reason for boise st not to cover the spread and win. take boise st.

12/3 byu @ hawaii. byu favored by 7.5 points. another filler game. though byu has very quietly come a long way since labor day weekend. even getting dumped on by the big east conference because byu wouldn’t play nice in the big east sandbox. i can’t really blame byu, the big east needed them. byu doesn’t need the big east. though byu does need the almighty big east AQ status. they also need their ninth win of the year to put a nice stamp on their decision to stay an indy and not share their TV bucks with anyone else. if byu’s qb is cleared to play and byu’s defense catches the plane bound for oahu the cougars should win and cover the spread. take them.

12/3 oklahoma @ oklahoma st. oklahoma st favored by 3.5 points. home field 3 plus for the cowboys. big time rivalry game here, kids. should be the game of the weekend. oklahoma st has had since november 18 and their loss to iowa st to get ready for this one. i’m assuming they’re ready to rumble. probably more than ready. take the cowboys to win and cover the points.

12/3 wisconsin @ michigan st. Big 10 championship. wisconsin favored by 9.5 points. i don’t get this one. a rematch of the game back in october. the spartans won at home. not a home game for the rematch but wisconsin is favored. is that it? what am i missing here? take michigan st to at least get inside the spread at minimum and more than likely to win again.

12/3 virginia tech @ clemson. ACC championship. virginia tech favored by 7.5 points. clemson is coming off two losses in a row. qb logan thomas is looking to reverse his loss at clemson back in october. he hasn’t lost a game since then. a perfect roll since october 1st. take virginia tech to win and cover the spread.

these games and some others close out the regular college football season. thanks to all of you for reading this year and i hope you find me again next year in september when i start the insanity all over again. you could also come back next week for my take on the college bowls for this year. i hope you do. either way the safe bet is as always, red meat and red wine. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 13

it was a dark and stormy night and the curse of the higher ranked BCS teams reeled madly about. ok. so i borrowed from charles dickens last week and this week i’m borrowing from an even greater writer, snoopy, of ‘peanuts’ fame. well, sorta. it wasn’t quite stormy here but it may as well have been. dismal would be more like it. a very sorry 4 for 10 on the week. bringing my over all down a bit to 62 for 120. my head is still above water but i’m getting tired of just treading water with the coast guard no where in sight.

the one big bright spot for the weekend and myself was the fact iowa st handed oklahoma st their hat. along with illinois hanging in there with wisconsin and michigan battering the cornhuskers. once again boise st failed to cover the spread and i’ll be happy to take that slim san diego st victory. with the graduation of kellen moore boise st could very well be in worse straights next year. also an epic battle between my ducks and trojans. coach lane, to be sure, sticking one to visor head kelly. a bitter sweet game if there ever was one for yours truly.

week 13 is all about rivalry weekend. pre and post turkey day madness. there is the ever present possibility that this weeks games could make last weeks upsets look mild in comparison. along with the related BCS implications and bowl berth slots here one day and gone the next. or maybe not. this weekend, my friends, is what college football is all about. rivalries. winning one for the gipper and taking an old rival out of some bowl or title game. though any number of the schools seem to be willing to throw rivalries and other related sundry stuff under the bus in order to pander to the almighty AQ berth(s) and the TV cash cow. more on that in a couple of weeks. at any rate, other than the first week of the season this is my favorite week of college football.

what is presented here is for fun and entertainment purposes only. it is not meant to used by the reader to take to his or her betting guru or sports book in order to bet the farm away. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. taking care of your family and yourself is more important. trust me.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/24 texas @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 9 points. turkey day college ball. probably a good game with some lone star state bragging rights. the longhorns haven’t scored many points the last two games. the aggies beat iowa st and baylor. take texas A&m to win and cover.

11/25 houston @ tulsa. houston favored by 3 points. basically a toss up. tulsa has played 3 ranked teams and lost. houston hasn’t played a ranked team this year. i’m guessing houston will stay undefeated for the regular season. take houston to win and cover.

11/25 arkansas @ lsu. lsu favored by 12 points. if the game were being played in arkansas i think it would be closer. the sad death of the young arkansas tight end might inspire the razorbacks to make this a closer game as well. number one lsu’s home crowd makes the difference here. take lsu to win and cover the points.

11/26 georgia @ georgia tech. georgia favored by 6 points. georgia tech started losing late in the season. the bulldogs on the other hand lost early. they lost their first two games and have rolled ever since. in a game that could go either way georgia has the momentum. take georgia to win and cover the spread.

11/26 wyoming @ boise st. boise st favored by 32.5 points. once again a bunch of points for boise st. to cover. covering the spread hasn’t been one of their strong points this season. for what it’s worth, kellen moore has one more home game after this one to further impress the heisman gang. the cowboys are one of my upset teams for the year. wyoming may not win but they are playing well and they will get inside the points. take the wyoming cowboys.

11/26 oregon st @ oregon. oregon favored by 28 points. civil war time in oregon. along with another bunch of points. this is always a game that can go either way in any year. oregon st hasn’t played well this season. though they did beat washington last week. while the ducks lost to the trojans. another crazed autzen stadium home crowd probably still reeling a bit from the loss to usc. the ducks need to bounce back and visor head kelly will hopefully help make that happen. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!!!

11/26 alabama @ auburn. alabama favored by 21 points. both schools played a fighting road kill last weekend. sort of an oddity this late in the season and something i don’t really get. i love the tide but 3 fighting road kill wins for the number two BCS team? it makes you wonder at times. any the ways, bragging rights for the state of alabama and another game that could go either way. a bunch of points and bama’s offense had better show up this week or they won’t be covering the spread. let alone looking for a re-match with lsu. plus, most folks don’t care much for defensive struggles. we tend to nod off or channel surf. be that as it may, take the tide to win and cover the points. ROLL TIDE!!!

11/26 clemson @ s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 4 points. i guess it’s the home court 3 plus one here. i’m not seeing it either. take clemson to win or at the very least get inside the meager spread.

11/26 notre dame @ stanford. stanford favored by 6.5 points. another long flight for the domers. their last trip out here to the left coast was for a loss against the trojans. this trip should be no different. touchdown jesus barely survived a boston college team that resembles oregon st. this year. at one point this was stanford’s year. that train has left the station. stanford needs this one in order to have any chance at all for a shot at the rose bowl. and it’s a long shot. hopefully, they will be up for the challenge. if they aren’t the irish could take it. this is probably luck’s last chance at impressing the heisman folks. he needs to shine. i think he will. take the trees to win and cover.

11/26 ucla @ usc. usc favored by 14.5 points. the city of lost angels bragging rights are on the line. these kids see each other all over town all year long. some have been playing each other since high school. make no mistake, this is the biggest game of the year in lotus land. records mean nothing. slick rick needs this puppy to keep his job and he knows it. yes, he’s done pretty well for the year. much better than expected and the bruins have a shot at the pac 12 south due to the trojan’s problem. thanks once again, coach petey. another bowl game for the trojans. one of many this year for them. though this one is their biggest. coach lane has done a very good job in keeping the trojans focused. he’s instilled enough pride to get the job done most weeks. count on both squads to show up for this game. it might be close early but the trojans roll. take usc to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!!

only one more weekend to go and then it’s gone only to be replaced by the bowl games and winter’s grip. college football. because if you’re reading this you’re like me and college football is your favorite sport. enjoy the games, your holiday, and your families. for this week only, replace the red meat with turkey, chicken, or duck and pour some pinot noir. be safe. be semi sane. have a happy thanksgiving! cheers!

jmh

hard luck boy or when 1969 calls, you answer

hard luck boy

that’s what john harrelson was doing or starting to do back when i first met him.  it seems like a long time ago and well, it was, though i may have met him earlier when he was in some other band or another since we went to the same high school and lived in the same socal burg, de onta(ontario), ca.

at some point, back then myself and several other friends started up a light show company.  we bought the equipment from a guy in claremont who was tired of doing it.  the light show it that is.  i think we paid $400 for his equipment.   a chunk of change for the late 60′s.  i borrowed my end from my dad, explaining i would pay him back very soon.  he gave me the money and was very surprised and impressed when i did re-pay him a few weeks later.  for the younger ones, a light show was a show of lights.  sorta.  lots of overhead projectors, slide projectors, motion picture projectors, mirror balls, oils and food colors mixed with other messy stuff.  all of that was projected up on the stage behind a performing band.  hopefully adding to the experience of the band or maybe some sort of chemical.  or both.  all very nice indeed.

we worked around claremont a lot doing college dances there and promoting our own stuff as well at taylor hall,  along with other venues in the area.  somehow or another we even got to do a show with the sir douglas quintet when they performed at one of the colleges in claremont, ca.  they were impressed and wanted us to go on the road with them.  we declined as we were all still in school and stupid.

after the gig with sir doug, which whetted our appetite for more high end action, we somehow or another got hooked up with the guy who was promoting, hard luck boy.  which if i may say, was a great blues band and i’m not just saying that just to be saying it.  they were.

we jumped through some hoops for said guy and then sorta auditioned for him by doing a show with hard luck boy, as headliners, along with some other local bands at the swing auditorium in san berdoo.  we passed the test and got the job with the promoter.

we were still promoting our own shows and making some decent coin for that time by doing the shows.  however, by hooking up with that promoter it meant the big time for us and for a while it was.  one of the first shows we did was in either redlands or riverside at the university was with hard luck boy and lee micheals.  lee was amazing.  probably one of the loudest acts ever and it was just him on the hammond b-3, and his drummer, frosty.  i remember the windows in the place just pulsating away.  i thought they were going to break.  if i’m not mistaken i think we did another show or so with hard luck boy and lee before our big show.

our big show, and one of hard luck boy’s biggest shows, was in irvine at the university featuring hard luck boy, lee micheals, and led zeppelin.  if memory serves we were up in the sorta lodge section of the gym setting up our equipment.  the first time we turned all of our equipment on we blew a fuse or 2.  not a good omen.  however, things were fixed up by the campus electricians  and our light show went on without any more hitches.  the concert was one of the best i’ve seen and a mind blower.

i’m not sure if we worked with john anymore after that show.  because our light show act went in two different directions at once after that big gig.  internal bickering killing it off completely a few months later.  however, it was great while it lasted.  the memories might be hazy but they’re still there.  and more importantly they are very fond memories.

most of john harrelson’s cds, such as ‘mojave’, are available at: http://cdbaby.com/cd/harrelson

the poster from the led zeppelin show.  may 1, 1969.

jmh

i hear the click clack of your feet on the stairs

the summer of the re-run continues. another sorta travel related riff as it were. and another from several years ago. thanks for reading.

jmh

i hear the click clack of your feet on the stairs

what a great line, pure gold from the glimmer twins.  who else?  i hear the click clack of some lady’s feet on the concrete drive every morning.  heels.  hopefully open toed.  at least i’m hoping it’s a lady.  i haven’t looked to see who it is.  i guess the fantasy thing is ok for now.  i mean it could be some decked out dude or some well, overly well fed mamacita.  or it could be heaven in heels for that matter.  i don’t want to know.  not yet.  just that sound is enough to make a man’s mind wander or at least this man’s mind.  what’s left of it anyways.  wander to all sorts of different spots.  then you toss in some thing on cable about vegas and the m i t gang that busted vegas up for a time.  and the mind drifts back.

back to vegas and the beginning of the first gulf war.  that was the last time i was in vegas, alone.  i was supposed to be there with girlfriend at the time or actually my ex, cause i’d wandered off.  it just wasn’t working.  for both of us.  a lovely vietnamese lady.  years later we stumbled upon each other again and tried, again, with the same results.  i wandered off.  again.  veering.

i’d had the hotel resverations for some time and i guess i just needed to go and forget or something.  plus the new war was about to kick off and it indeed did while i was there.  and well, lots of shit slopping around in my addled brain.

vegas isn’t one of my favorite places.  never has been.  i prefer lake tahoe.  it’s more laid back.  for gambling, drinking and relaxing.  though i’d stay away over labor day weekend.  these days i stay away from everything over any 3 day weekend.  at any rate those were the days when i did actually gamble.  i don’t any more.  just the california lottery these days.  the super lotto.  however, those that know say the horse race deal is the one to bet when it gets big.  hard for me to get a grip on shit today.  tangents.  i will also occasionally bet college football now and again.  but that doesn’t count.  yes, of course.

ok. so i’m in vegas.  the hotel california.  may as well have been.  i’m in one of the bars in the casino having a drink and playing video poker.  taking a break from real poker.  ah, yeah,  here comes another tangent.  7 card stud.  not the texas stuff of today.  too much luck involved there.  sure luck in all the gambling deals but that game leaves me cold.  soo i’m at the bar playing video poker, drinking.  a very nice looking lady sits down a couple of seats away.  she’s alone.  nicely dressed and yeah, sorta hot.  she gets a drink and starts dropping quarters in the machine. 

well, we start chatting.  she’s very nice and bright.  we have a few drinks.  all is sweetness and light.  what could be better?  she’s a reader and an ex professional athelete.  and italian.  how cool is that?  a damn trifecta.  she says she’s got to take care of something but would like to see me later that night for more chatting and drinking. well, you don’t have to ask me twice.  the date was made.

later that evening we meet in the hotel bar.  she looks even lovelier than she did earlier in the day.  sweet.  we have a drink and she suggests we go upstairs to my room and have another drink.  fine by me.  she’s such a vivacious and intelligent lady i was falling in love.  honey, i’ll follow you anywhere.  so we get upstairs and of course she turns out to be a working lady.  what else could the deal be?  naturally.  but like i said i was falling in love and working ladies don’t bother me.  bills gotta be paid.   

it was a really great time.  for me and for her.  she liked it just as much as i did.  the grand finale was right from the cd i’m listening to, ‘parachute woman’, her favorite activity.  she did it well.  i came in her hair.  sorta.  i didn’t notice till she was leaving.  of course she was in a hurry to leave.  another appointment.  so i didn’t say anything.  yes, yes, yes of course.  my bad.  a sorta very early ‘something about mary’.

one evening a month or so later i was home asleep on the couch.  tv on.  the phone woke me up.  it was her.  i was groggy and didn’t really pick up on just who the fuck it was.  i’m like going, who?  who? just like some sad demented owl.  i didn’t realize it was her till after she hung up on me.  then i woke up.  i didn’t sleep much the rest of the night.  pretty much non-stop brain streaming shit.  no, she never called back.

music provided by, the rolling stones, ‘beggars banquet’.

jmh 

 

time to go (from the vault)

 

a re-post from sept of 2007.  it fits the current life i’m leading.  or something.

this one came up yesterday at some point or another between some friends and myself.  to begin with i rarely take my own advice so maybe you shouldn’t either though in this case it might be worth considering.

so how do you know if your girlfriend is a psycho or your boyfriend, ladies, for that matter?  other than them slicing your throat on a moonless night in june in brentwood or gunning you down on the street in brooklyn, it’s more or less a sorta crap shoot.  when is it time to pull the pin on a relationship?  after the restraining order is filed and approved?  ah, probably a bit too late plus the cops have other shit to do.  the dog soldiers in your town are too over worked to baby sit.   

one postulated it was time to leave when she started to babble.  yeah, that’s a good sign.  time to pull up stakes and move on.  my advice was leave after the first, ‘that’s fucked up’, thought crosses through your fried mind.  meaning, if you say that to yourself about your girlfriend in response to something she has done or said, it’s time to bail out.  forget about how great the sex is or she’s a wonderful mother or cook or what the fuck ever.  it’s over.  it’s only going to get worse.  the magic is gone.  as my long dead italian grandmother used to tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea. 

yeah, simple enough words from a simple peasant lady from the old country.  something worthy of consideration.  why let things progress to the point of violence or restraining orders or whatever other insanity you can come up with?  it ain’t worth it.  leave.  go.  bail out.  ditch the plane in the ocean.  find some other sucker, er ah, person.

people do weird shit.  or stay in weird shit.  for the shittiest of reasons.  it makes no sense.  though i suppose to them it makes some sort of bizarre sense.  but bottom line some piece of paper with a judge’s signature on it is not kryptonite to a psycho.  far from it.  it only seems to fan the fire of insanity to greater heights of lunacy and mayhem.

my readers are probably going he’s the wacko.  why leave after one, ‘that’s fucked up’, crosses your mind?  why indeed.  why?  because things will never ever be the same in that relationship.  period.  count on it.  past experience from just another old fuck who’s been kicked around by every she bat in this town…i’m a monkey…man.  tangents and i don’t mean to make light of this.  sorry.

there’s a dead young lady in brooklyn this morning who’s child watched her die on a dirty sidewalk while her mother held her in her dying arms.  sadly, there’s probably a few dozen more all over the country and planet this morning as well, all with similar circumstances and tragic stories.   there’s plenty more fish in the sea.  get out before it’s too late.  when that simple thought, ‘that’s fucked up’, passes through your mind it’s time.  simple enough.  i guess it’s just too hard to do.  too hard or we are just too kind hearted or…

jmh

what’s the point of the bowl games?

this was originally written 2 years ago.  it’s still a valid post.  jmh

yeah, exactly, what’s the point of so many useless bowl games with teams that only had a marginal season at best?  you go 6-6 and have some sort of fan base that is willing to truck on down the road to pretty much anywhere in the country to see ‘their’ school play.  well, then by golly, you get a useless bowl bid to some city where the chamber of commerce and the local pols are all salivating over the amount of coin you are going to drop into their pockets or local economy or more than likely both.

that scenario covers it along with all the tv money that’s doled out to god knows who.  not me, sadly.  i don’t see a dime.  espn and fox.  ok, so espn gets some props for all the games on saturday.  fox cable, as well, though not as many.  then there’s the week night games on espn.  fine, i’m all for them, you get to see teams you probably wouldn’t get to see other wise.  speaking of which, if it wasn’t for, fox cable, most of the pac 10 games wouldn’t even be on tv.  period.

yes, i know.  college football, the love of my life is all about the money anymore.  it probably always was or maybe not.  i’m old enough to remember pre-ncaa days.  yeah, the aau, amature ahtletic union.  god, what a bunch of blowhards they were.  so that flawed system begot, the ncaa, who are now the reigning blowhards on the block.   second only to the pac 10 commissioner and his, tutti di capo tutti, the big ten commissioner.  yeah, ok, and the sec, big 12, acc, wac, ad naseum.  plus the deans of all the div 1 schools, who are so stupid, they think that anything other than what goes down now will result in total chaos in every hall of higher learning from here to martha’s vineyard.  do they really think we are all that stupid?

see, it must be all that money.  why else would normal, or sorta normal, educated men be so backed up?  oh sure, one of my friends is fond of the, it all boils down to the sex or money theory.  he has a point.  a good one.  but somehow i don’t see any of those guys i’ve mentioned getting, well, getting all stupid behind sex anymore or maybe i’m missing something.

so see? it has to be the money.  there must be bales of the stuff passed around in board rooms and parking garages on every div 1 college campus on a daily basis.  oh, mr commissioner, your bag man, tommy, is here with your dump truck load of untraceable and perfectly clean money.  he’s in parking garage 4 on the upper level.  shall i call for your driver and your gold plated golf cart?  some canapes, and perhaps, a perfectly chilled bottle of 1939, eu di snooty, vino?

the mind roils at all the weird and seemingly just plain stupid stuff those folks deal out every year at this time.  the main culprits being, the pac 10 hack and his equal hack, the big ten hack.  the other hacks blame them for everything.  pure and simple.  well, sure, we could do that but ya know the pac 10 ain’t gonna go for it.  wink wink.  yes, of course, the rose bowl.  the grand pops of em all.  i love the damn game.  it’s the game where i fell in love with the ducks, way back when i was just a kid.  the love affair still flourishes to this day.  but if the rose bowl went away in favor of some sort of system that gave us college football fans a true national champion, i’d be all for it.

oh, i’m sure the hue and cry from the moneyed rose bowl committee would leave a trail of tears and crumpled old twenties right up to the pac 10′s front door.  so what?  times change and they needed to be changed in this regard long ago.  playoffs in some way, shape, or form.  it’s been said before and bears repeating, every major college sport has a playoff system except college football.  even women’s softball has a playoff and i’m right there glued to it on the tv.  they miss more school than i ever did when i was young and missing school.  i mean they play at least 60 games.  half of which are on the road.  then they end up in oklahoma for what could be a week or more depending on the weather.  same for the men’s baseball program.  not to mention both of the basketball programs.  those kids miss more school than anyone and no one says squat about it.  then there’s the soccer programs and golf and track, wrestling and volleyball and tiddly winks, for crying out loud. but those morons in charge say we can’t have a football play off because it will disrupt the schooling of all those fine young men.  my god, it’s just pure balderdash.  we are spoken to like we are unwanted red headed step children with an IQ of 30.

i’ve had enough.  i hope all of you have had enough as well.  in the immortal words of roberto duran, no mas.  pure and simple.  the time has come to not only boycott the crappy bowl games but every other stinking one of them.  until the boys with the power and the money realize their power and money is going the way of the dodo.  then and only then will things change.  i’m not saying let’s blow off college football.  even i’m not that crazy.  hmmm, well, not yet.  just stop watching the bowl games.  period.  all of them.  it’s easy.  play with your kids, dog, wife or girlfriend instead.  go out and eat or go to the mall or park or bowling alley or take a walk or nap or play scrabble.  see?  there’s lots of other stuff to do.  just do it.

jmh

a local plein air master

i had seen one of his paintings somewhere before at some point or another.  a very lovely oil painting of a local inland empire winery.  one of the last to still produce wines from this once great wine producing land of southern california.  at any rate, i’d forgotten about that painting. 

a week or so ago the brown eyed girl and i did a bit of wine tasting at one of the last old time wineries still around here in socal.  i mentioned it to my friend, dfr, and he sent me an email with that very painting in it.  it was also the winery we had been at tasting wine. 

this is it: ‘j. filippi winery’ by john budicin. 

a very striking painting to be sure.  just amazing.  it harkens back to the old days of guasti when wine was the king of the inland empire.  the guasti/cucamonga/ontario area to be sure.  over 5,000 acres of grapes on the vine.  a staggering amount of acres and grape vines.

i googled the painting and found out it was painted by john budicin.  as it turns out a local oil painter of some renown.  you can find him on the web at http://johnbudicin.com

i wanted to do a blog with the filippi winery painting as a sorta backdrop.  a continuation of my old ‘photographic memories(?)’ blogs from earlier in the year but with john budicin’s paintings instead of the old b/w photos. 

the old photos are haunting.  at least to me as an aging old timer local yokel.  on the other hand, john budicin’s paintings of southern california, grapes, and wine making are a vibrant testament to the wonderful history of those long ago halcyon days of wine making history.  along with the the simple yet breathtaking landscape of southern california as well.  

mission and zinfandel grapes were predominate here in the inland empire.  the old zins were just amazing and they made a rich ruby red zinfandel that those of us that grew up here drinking that wine are still looking for in other zinfandel’s from around the state.  the taste of those zins is buried deep in my brain.  john’s painting, ‘do not serve before it’s time’, brings me back to the redwood cellar days of my youth and young adulthood.  you can almost smell what the wines tasted like with his painting of the old cellar.

‘do not serve before it’s time’ an oil by john budicin.

there was something about those old redwood tanks that imparted something to the already tasty grapes.  it’s something you just can’t and don’t find anymore in very many places.  i suppose it’s really what wine making used to be all about.  though times and methods do change.  although most of you all know i haven’t given up drinking my dago reds or my search for the dago red of my youth. 

zinfandel grapes on the vine.  two more oils by john, ‘evening zins’, and ‘are they zin?’  atom heart mother to any old time, old line inland empire italian or anyone else who grew up here or lived here back in the day.  back in the day when grapes were king.

‘evening zins’ an oil by john budicin.

‘are they zin?’ an oil by john budicin.

i’m including a few other of john’s socal landscapes as well.  i find them quite nice and refreshing.  refreshing because if you travel around southern california you can still find those vistas tucked safely away, at least for the time being.  safe so far from the developers and rampant insanity that is southern california today.

‘evening sonata’ an oil by john budicin.

‘santa ana wash’ an oil by john budicin.

‘california gold’ an oil by john budicin.

i want to thank john budicin for allowing me to put a few of his paintings here in this blog.  i called the phone number on his web page and he actually answered the phone himself.  a very nice and gracious man.  thanks john, for your very lovely paintings.  you’ve done socal very proud indeed.

jmh

2008 college football predictions week 7

last week wasn’t a good one on numerous levels.  i was just a sad 4 for 10.  bringing my over all total to 35 for 60.  yeah, a tad over 50% but nothing to brag about.  the point spread here is what i go by determining my score.

so, let’s all remember that this is for entertainment purposes only and betting on any of the games using my advice is borderline insanity and stupidity at its highest.  all that being said, lets rock ‘n’ roll.

texas at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 7 points.  the sooners put it on the line big time this saturday.  if they lose this one it puts them back in the pack with all the other one loss teams.  good thing its a home game.  take oklahoma to win or cover the points.

s carolina at kentucky.  a toss up so far.  like i said last week, kentucky has a better team this year.  they tossed a scare into bama and covered the spread.  s carolina played their best game of the year last week.  the game is in kentucky.  so i’m taking kentucky to win.

purdue at ohio st. ohio st favored by 19 points.  the buckeyes should have no problem covering and winning.  take ohio st.

oklahoma st at missouri.  missouri favored by 13.5 points.  i was going to take missiouri but i’m changing my mind.  take the cowboys to cover the spread and maybe even win.

arizona st at usc.  usc favored by 25.  more points for the men of troy to run up.  yeah, it’s a bunch.  they may start out slow but come the second half they will pull out the stops.  take usc to win and cover.

ucla at oregon.  oregon favored by 17 points.  a few weeks ago this one looked like a cakewalk for the ducks.  amazingly enough the bruins are actually playing some fairly good ball.  auzten stadium is once again the key for oregon.  take oregon to win and cover.  GO DUCKS!!!

new mexico at byu.  byu favored by 23.5 points.  if this game was in new mexico i’d take the lobos.  it isn’t and the byu mission continues unabated.  take byu to win and cover.

nebraska at texas tech.  texas tech favored by 21 points.  i like texas tech for a number of reasons.  the primary one being their stellar vietnam war archive.  check it out.  take texas tech to win and cover the spread.

penn st at wisconsin.  penn st favored by 5 points.  a tough road game for joe pa and his bad wheel.  another must win game.  one to watch for sure.  take penn st to win and cover.

lsu at florida.  florida favored by 4 points.  another home crowd will make the difference here.  take florida to cover and win.

there ya go kids.  another desperate attempt on my part to make a comeback.  only time will tell.  you on the other hand, need to keep your money in your wallet and forget about laying any of it down on the games.  enjoy your week.

jmh

sammy davis jr. turned near-tragedy to triumph (another unauthorized re-print)

i haven’t really felt like writing anything the past week or so.  i suppose this is what happens when that occurs.  yesterday and today.  unauthorized re-prints.  at any rate, i think today’s  unauthorized foray is interesting as well.  plus it has more local so calif history involved.  this is from the ‘inland valley daily bulletin’, the local fish wrap around these parts.  it appeared on 9-29-08 and was written by, mark landis.  hopefully, the reporter and arthur silber jr don’t mind.  thanks to my friend, dfr, for sending me the article.

jmh

correspondent, mark landis, for the ‘inland valley daily bulletin’.

For a few days in late 1954, a small hospital in San Bernardino was the center of attention for Hollywood’s elite, as well as for entertainment fans across America. 

On Friday, Nov. 19, a rising star named Sammy Davis Jr. was rushed to San Bernardino County Hospital following a horrific car accident near the intersection of Cajon Boulevard (old Route 66) and Kendall Drive.

That cold November morning, Sammy and his valet Charlie Head were returning to Los Angeles after performing at the Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas. The two had left Las Vegas after Sammy’s show the previous evening and Charlie drove the first leg to Victorville where they stopped for gas.

Already road-weary, Sammy took over driving his shiny new black Cadillac down through the Cajon Pass and on toward San Bernardino. Charlie was laid out in the back seat trying to catch a couple of hours sleep before the pair’s arrival in Los Angeles.

It was just after 7 a.m. when Sammy encountered the fork where Kendall Drive split off to the left and Cajon Boulevard continued to the right. At the split, an elderly lady driving a Chrysler had missed her turn onto Kendall and was backing into Sammy’s lane to get herself back on course.

Sammy slammed into the rear of the Chrysler. The Cadillac careened off the Chrysler, miraculously missing oncoming traffic, and came to a stop after slamming into a stone column at the entrance to a driveway.

Arthur Silber Jr., Sammy’s close friend, lighting director, and production manager, said, “Sam’s car hit that rock pylon head on, and the force actually pushed the engine back into the front seat. A lot of people said if it weren’t for Sammy’s slight build, he would have been crushed by the engine.” 

The impact of the crash had driven Sammy’s face into the steering wheel, and his left eye was forced out of its socket by the bullet-shaped cone at the center of the wheel. “Sammy broke his nose on the sun visor, and he broke his knee cap on the emergency brake handle,” Silber said.

Charlie also was badly injured in the collision. He was thrown face-first into the back of the steel-framed front seat. The blow fractured his jaw and broke out all of his teeth, but Charlie remained conscious.

The driver of the Chrysler and her passenger were both injured, too. The two ladies were thrown into the back seat of their car by the impact. The driver, 72-year-old Helen Boss, suffered a back injury, and her passenger, 69-year-old Bessie Ross, suffered a broken leg.

Sammy and Charlie were rushed by ambulance to San Bernardino County Hospital and were transferred to San Bernardino Community Hospital later that day.

Sammy spent six agonizing hours in the hospital hallway waiting for an operating room in the cramped and outdated building at the corner of Fourth Street and Arrowhead Avenue. That evening, well-known San Bernardino eye surgeon Frederick H. Hull operated on Sammy’s eye.

Family and friends were gathered at the hospital, nervously awaiting news of Sammy’s condition. Hull came out after the surgery and told the anxious group that he had to remove Sammy’s left eye, and it was still touch-and-go for his right eye. The good news was that Sammy’s other injuries would heal in time. He also reported that Charlie would recover from his injuries.

During the surgery on Sammy, Hull had attached a prosthetic socket onto Sammy’s left eye muscles that would be used to hold and direct a “glass eye” that would be implanted after he healed further.

Soon after hearing the news, Hollywood’s biggest stars rallied to support Sammy’s recovery and many made the trip to be at his bedside in San Bernardino. Jeff Chandler, Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh were among the first to visit. Eddie Cantor and Frank Sinatra also came to visit.

The hospital stay had a profound impact on Sammy’s life in more than one way. It was in San Bernardino that he began his conversion to Judaism after a visit from a rabbi chaplain. Sammy said, “Yeah, and we had a long talk. Some of the things he said helped me; and for the first time in my life, a religion started to make sense to me.”

Sammy was released from the hospital on Sunday, Nov. 28. He was so grateful to Hull and the hospital staff for the care he received that he promised to come back to San Bernardino and do a benefit show when the new community hospital was completed.

“Frank (Sinatra) insisted that Sammy stay at his house in Palm Springs while he was recovering, and you just don’t say no to Frank,” said Silber. “So he went and spent a couple of weeks out there just taking it easy.”

After the accident, Sammy regained and even refined his famous dance moves. He went on to become a superstar, breaking down color barriers in virtually every entertainment venue from nightclubs to Broadway to TV and movies and records.

On Nov. 15, 1958, Sammy came back to San Bernardino and made good on his promise to do a benefit for the new community hospital. The star-studded show sold out all 7,500 seats in the Swing Auditorium at the National Orange Show Events Center and raised $20,000 for the new hospital.

Sammy himself opened the extravaganza with “Let Me Sing.” He then introduced Judy Garland who graced the packed house with eight songs including her trademark “Over the Rainbow.” Other stars included James Garner, Sidney Poitier, Danny Thomas and Shirley MacLaine.

“Sammy helped so many people over the years,” said Silber. “One of the things a lot of people don’t realize is how many doors Sammy Davis Jr. opened up in his lifetime. It’s hard to believe these days, but Sammy was the first black man to walk through a Las Vegas casino.”

Sammy passed away from throat cancer on May 16, 1990, at the age of 64. The lights of the Las Vegas Strip were dimmed to honor the passing of one of the town’s favorite superstars.

Arthur Silber Jr. provides a fascinating personal account of his years with Sammy in his book “Sammy Davis Jr. – Me and My Shadow.” For more information, visit online at arthursilberjr.com.

sammy and marilyn.  the photo wasn’t a part of the article.

just voices in the night

it’s still very early here in so calif.  several more hours until day breaks. quiet and cool.  summer’s blast furnace is gone for a few days.  though more 90 degree days to come in the near future.  or so they say.  summer’s discontent still waits.  like the navajo’s coyote. 

i’m really not sure where this one will end up.  it may not even see the light of blog day.  that would indeed be a rare occasion.  the only ones that don’t seem to see light are private emails to old friends that were some sort of drunken insanity and i don’t think i need to send them into the other ether and blogdom.  so far cooler heads have prevailed in that regard.  so far.

in case you ain’t noticed things have changed here in the land of america and the whole world.  not good things either.  angst runs rampant and folks are concerned.  as well they should be. 

i’ve been a gun owner for a number of years.  at one point, for a number of years, i was a bird hunter.  dove and pheasant.  read some wildlife management essays before you yell at me.  of course, they were eat what you kill game hunting experiences.  as they all should be.  and only in season and i’ve already run off the damn tracks.

gun owner.  yeah, i’ve owned a few.  several of which were stolen in a burglary a number of years ago.  angst and pessimism abound.  i still have the long goose gun and a .357 magnum.  neither of which are really good for close in, insanity.  the goose gun is unwieldy for close quarters as it’s to long.  plus, even with the game hunting plug removed, it’s only good for 5 shots.  the .357?  if i miss i might nail somebody 3 blocks away.  not a good thing.

i needed something short and light for close in stuff at way the fuck oh dark thirty or even daylight madness.  something that wouldn’t kill neighbors by accident.  a nice short barrel pump 12 gauge seemed to be the answer. 

i went gun shopping.  some nice 9 shot short barreled 12 gauges are out there.  i didn’t care for them.  i had one years ago.  it was one of the guns that got ripped off.  that one was light and easy to wield.  the current crop aren’t to my liking.  they are heavy and hard to turn or wield.  what’s a poor boy to do?

um,yeah.  a nice even shorter double barreled 12 gauge number.  yes, lack of ammo in reserve but it’s lightweight and maneuverability trumped that issue.  it reminded me of the old M-79 of my nam days.  that lightweight 40mm grenade/shotgun/canister/launcher that i knew and loved.  a simple easy and foolproof fire support piece or direct fire piece if there ever was one. 

the short double barreled, western ‘coach gun’, or ‘scatter gun’, 12 gauge will rest comfortably with number 3 or 4 bird shot in each chamber.  ready and waiting for a fire mission.  no warning shots.  no shots fired into the air.  no.  it’s only purpose will be to kill if necessary.  that i assure you.

yes, of course, the horror of it all.  the man is a wacko.  not really.  not in these times.  these perhaps end of times.  there are perfectly normal folks out looking to buy more arms these days.  count on it.  because they are.

maybe i’m wrong but when you hear things from more normal folks and their bumper sticker talk, like, ‘i may not be the first one to pick up an ak-47 but i will be the second.’ or perhaps my current favorite and one that was coined just yesterday, ‘team tienanmen’.  spooky stuff to be sure.  just voices in the night.

jmh

2008 college football predictions week 8

another abysmal week last week.  3 for 10 bringing my over all total to 35 for 60.  still over 50% but on the other hand vegas isn’t ringing my phone off the hook looking for me to handicap games.  though in my favor if it wasn’t for the damn point spreads i’d be a good 80% easy.  or at least i’m thinking that.  maybe someone will run the numbers for me.  i’m not.

at any rate, this is for entertainment purposes only.  taking my pathetic numbers out to some good fella or vegas would be stupid at best.  that is unless you enjoy losing your money and not paying the rent or whatever.  don’t be stupid.  that said, let’s rock ‘n’roll.

florida st at n carolina.  florida st favored by 10 points.  perhaps a good game.  that remains to be seen.  n carolina just might cover the spread but i’m still taking florida st to cover and win.

byu at tcu.  depending on who you go by this one is byu favored by 1 point or even.  at any rate, it should be a barn burner and sadly one i’ll miss.  byu takes their bcs busting mission into tejas and another religious institution.  hello.  st peter?  who’s your pick?  i’ve been riding byu’s mission all season so far and i see no reason to stop now.  take byu to win.

kansas at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 19.5 points.  both schools had some trouble last week.  the sooners need to step up this week.  i think they will.  take oklahoma to win and cover.

mississippi at alabama.  bama favored by 13.5.  of course, the pundits don’t like bama.  none the less they had a week off last week.  coach lou has had a week to get ready for the up setters from ole miss.  game in bama.  the tide, rolls, wins, and covers.  go bama.

usc at washington st.  usc favored by 43 points.  good lord.  i don’t know.  43 points.  a road game to the pacific northwest and tommy trojan has had some trouble there over the past few years.  to many points for me.  the trojans will win but i think washington st will cover the points.

ohio st at michigan st.  ohio favored by 3.5 points.  an early bowl game for the spartans.  take michigan st to win or cover the points.

missiouri at texas.  texas favored by 6.5.  i’m sorta surprised texas isn’t favored by more.  i’ll take it though.  texas to win or cover the spread.

michigan at penn st.  penn st favored by 23.5 points.  well, so far michigan turns out to be the hapless past power house this year.  beating out notre dame and ucla for that dubious honor.  it’s almost a bunch of points but joe pa and the nittney lions are big time bowl bound this year.  count on it.  take penn st to win and cover the points.

cal at arizona.  cal favored by 2 points.  it’s still HOT here in the southwest.  it’s almost november, time for cal to begin their november swoon and adios any decent bowl game chances.  arizona steps up and wins or covers the spread.  

stanford at ucla.  ucla favored by 2.5 points.  the bruins are playing well since a faulty fitful start.  with any luck at all they will win and cover the spread.  take ucla.

there ya go another weeks adventure into college football madness.  just remember to keep what’s left of your money in your 401-k or your wallet and things will be just fine.  don’t get stupid.

jmh

a poem eventually

back in the saddle again.  yeah, that’s an old gene autry tune.  or at least he’s the one i remember back in the day actually singing the song.  any ways, kids, the brown eyed girl and i are back as an item.  joined once again at the hip.  it was just to damn painful not be together again.  it was my fault we split up and there’s some on her side of the course, as well, but mostly mine.  which is fine.  so like what else is new?  none the less, the reasons will remain ours as to what the dust up was about.  as it should be.

let’s just say we both spent a miserable week or so wandering around in a hazy daze looking for each other or more likely hoping we’d spot the other one in someplace or time.  yeah, getting old doesn’t stop one from being a goofy kid in love.  an interesting fact to remember and perhaps hold on to for future use.

last night we returned to the scene of our first real date of several months ago.  to, ‘viva madrid’, a spanish tapas place, in the claremont village for some great food, vino, and a toast to new beginnings.

geezer love

our fate has been sealed once again.
queen size bed acrobatics
of a 25 year old. 
lovers lost in the blue haze of
yet another dodger loss
seething from the bedroom tv.
the devil winds blowing
from the east. 
fire storms blowing
in the west.
just another socal
october night or
a fait accompli?
we both want
this to last
and be the last
for two old geezers
meant to be.

jmh

say what(?)

liquid space
keeping pace
triple images
dance in place.
if you blink
or stop to think
they all
counter clockwise
down the sink.
the sewer system
thrives on them.
nothing but wisdom
and alligator phlegm.
problems come
problems go
nothing much left
of this show.
its maybe that
or maybe this
usually just
hit and miss.

jmh

life and art art and life

my friend, dfr, sent me the photo below this morning.  he knew i was going to pick up my new shotgun today.  which i did.  it was still in the factory box.  it was oily and smelled new.  i brought it home and put it together.  i put it in a soft gun case and put it next to the bed.  four rounds of number 4 bird shot rest on the night stand.  i guesss i’m ready.  mr. burroughs seems to be ready as well.

william burroughs and some art.

jmh

2008 college football predictions week 9

time again for my college football predictions.  your one stop shop for a game you like.  last week i managed a semi respectable 6 for 10 bringing my over all total to 44 for 80.  sorta shabby but what can i say?  just remember this is for entertainment purposes only and what i say here is borderline madness.  though i do come up with a good pick or two each week.  the problem being which ones?  there’s the rub.  lets rock ‘n’ roll.

auburn at w. virginia.  w. virginia favored by 3 points.  the thursday night game.  i’ll be watching and drinking hawaiian ale.  auburn has a shot at this one.  good thing it’s in virginia.  take w. virginia to win and cover.

boise st at san jose st.  boise st favored by 7.5 points.  the friday night game.  i’ll be watching the local high school on fox’s prime ticket.  the upland high school football team is ranked in the top 100 high schools in the nation.  they are probably going to run the table this year.  but what about boise st?  for some reason they aren’t favored by much.  i’m taking san jose to cover the spread and maybe win.

texas tech at kansas.  kansas favored by 2 points.  pretty much a toss up and the red raiders will cover and win.  take texas tech. remember to visit the vietnam archive at texas tech university on-line.
http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

alabama at tennessee.  bama favored by 6.5 points.  if tennessee ever needed a win this one is it.  they have nothing to lose.  another unbeaten falls.  take tenn and the points.  yes, i know bama fans i’m one as well.
i maybe wrong but i don’t think so.

oregon at arizona st.  oregon favored by 4.5 points.  the ducks come out of the cold and auzten stadium for a must win game.  i’m thinking the sun devils rain on the ducks.  take arizona st to win or cover the spread.

ucla at cal.  cal favored by 17 points.  after cals ‘el foldo’ last week the pundits still give them a basket of points to cover.  cal is over again this year.  they just started a couple of weeks early.  the bruins are playing well.  not stellar but good enough to cover the points and maybe win.  take ucla.

oklahoma st at texas.  texas favored by 12.5 points.  yes, texas is the new darling of the college football world.  fine.  take the cowboys of oklahoma to cover the points and probably even win the game.  

penn st at ohio st.  penn st favored by 2.5 points.  a nasty road game for penn.  plus its a must win for them.  ohio st is a much better football team than the one usc beat early in the season.  the buckeyes home crowd is the deciding factor here.  sorry joe pa, take ohio st to win this one.

notre dame at washington.  notre dame favored by 11.  charlie and ty meet in seattle.  ty is probably a goner.  sad but true.  if he ever needed to win a game its this one kids.  count on it.  i’m banking on ty and the huskies to cover and maybe win this one. 

usc at arizona.  usc favored by 16.  this one is my saturday night action.  arizona coming off a thumping of the cal bears and the trojans coming off a scrimmage with the cougars.  this one should be a good game.  it might be to many points for the trojans but if sanchez is on they will roll.  take usc to win and cover.

there ya go.  this weeks picks.  leave your wallet alone and nobody gets hurt.  simple words to live by.  capice?  enjoy the games and your weekend.

jmh

another sunday feeling

just another sunday in the land of the lalas.  the damn weather refuses to cool off.  the nights do ok but the days of 90 degree heat still linger and fester like a cat bite on your arm. 5% to 15% humidity sucks the mositure and life out of everything.  creepy crawly skin the likes of sandpaper.

yeah, i haven’t been here yammering much the past few weeks or so.  of course, there’s my football stuff but that pretty much goes un-noticed.  fine.  whatever.  as for my usual ‘as life goes by’ crapola it hasn’t happened.  much.  football and staying over at the brown eyed girl’s place has me away from the computer.  the brown eyed girl has one but it’s a lap top and a mac.  and it’s all just to back ass ward for this dyslexic oldster. 

i’m going on a road trip this next weekend.  the annual fear and loathing road trip up into the california central valley.  a ten day journey into the heart of madness.  any the ways, the brown eyed girl tells me she will have her junk room.  yeah, the same room we all have if we have an extra room.  that place where all the crapola goes.  the crapola that just sits and collects dust.  she tells me while i’m away she will clear a path to her desk top set up in that room and when i get back we can set it up again.  so i can write when i’m there.  bless her ever lovely heart.  she’s such a lovely audience.  a dream come true.

the stones are blaring.  the tempurature is rising.  the humidity is falling.  the bleeding spell check won’t work.  just another sunday feeling.

jmh

hank, willie, and bob

just about the end of the baseball season.  its also just about halloween.  i find it hard to bring myself to handle that sad sorta reality.  well, it really isn’t a sorta reality it sadly is reality. 

money driven madness reigns king in sports.  all sports.  a sad thing to be sure.  a once almost pristine game of summer and youth has been over taken by a pathological idiocy to wring every demented dollar they can from the once grand game of baseball.

thankfully, i have the brown eyed girl and she looks out for my tv interests among other things.  she tivo’d the bob costas hbo show yesterday with hank aaron and willie mays for me.  i was in ecstasy while watching the hour long show.  at times also in tears. 

ecstasy because my two all time favorite players were talking about baseball.  baseball and what it used to be.  that’s where the tears came in to play.  i saw willie and hank play the game live and in person.  the first time i saw willie live was back when the dodgers played their games at the l.a. coliseum.  yeah, it’s been a number of years.    

its been a number of years since both of those man boys played the game.  man boys?  yeah, baseball is a game for boys played by men.  men who really haven’t given up on youth just yet.  willie mays is 77 years old and he still can’t give it up. 

the pure grace and ballet moves of those two men are what baseball is all about.  sadly, long dead baseball.  you stick the two of them up on a stage and let them talk and answer questions then throw in some old b/w clips of the two of them and i’m gonna well up.  well up and wipe my eyes  because of my memories of their joy, grace, and style when they played the game.  

two living legends.  bigger than life legends.  two grand old men of baseball.  real gentlemen.  role models from long ago and a different time and place.  but still alive and well in my memories of summers past.

my guess is the world series will end tonight.  just a few days short of halloween.  probably around midnight east coast time.  much to late for the next boys of summer to still be up and watching the boys game played by men.

skateboard II by lowell fox.  http://lowellfox.com

yes, it’s a painting of a skateboarder by my friend lowell.  skateboard I is a bit more obvious in that regard.  however, when i look at this lovely painting i see… baseball.  summer.  youth.  and a young boy stealing home.  thanks, lowell.   

jmh

2008 college football predictions week 10

before i get rolling on this weeks picks i’d just like to say, in case you missed it, ty willingham is resigning as the washington huskies head coach at the end of the season.  ty is a good coach and a decent man.  he’s had some trouble with his last two jobs.  more than likely goofy rabid big money alumni that are more inclined to want wins and bowl berths than have a coach that actually cares about the kids, their grades, and the rest of their lives after football.  i wish him only the best and i hope he stays in div 1 football.  the kids need him.

last weeks picks were just abysmal.  another 3 for 10. ouch.  though the lonely three wins were pretty stellar ones.  virginia, texas tech, and oklahoma st.  any the ways i’m now 47 for 90.  still hanging on to 50%.

just remember these picks are for entertainment purposes only.  anyone dumb enough to use what i dish out here deserves whatever happens to them.  time to rock ‘n’ roll.

iowa st at oklahoma st.  oklahoma st favored by 30.5 points.  this could be a good game.  iowa st is capable of being a giant killer on any given saturday.  it’s a ton of points.  good thing the game is in oklahoma.  the cowboys win and cover the spread.

missouri at baylor.  missouri favored by 20 points.  i haven’t been impressed by missouri this year.  baylor is so so. game in texas so i’m taking baylor to cover the points.  they may not win but they will cover.   

auburn at mississippi.  ole miss favored by 6.  despite auburn looking sorta good last week ole miss will win and cover the spread.

tennessee at s carolina.  s carolina favored by 6.  tennessee is in a tail spin.  will they ever pull out of it?  take s carolina to win and cover.

florida at georgia.  florida favored by 5.5 points.  some pundits have florida going to the big dance.  i’m not so sure about that.  georgia spoils stuff and wins out right.

washington at usc.  usc favored by 43.  yeah, that’s not a typo.  a ton of points.  sanchez looked and played like crap last week.  though the trojans pulled out a lack luster win.  usc play calling was borderline insanity.  ty comes into to town with nothing to lose.  damn, this is a tough one.  usc wins and covers.

nebraska at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 21.5 points.  this will not be an easy game for the sooners.  gut says nebraska will cover and maybe win.  take nebraska and the points.

oregon at calif.  cal favored by 3.  my beloved ducks are still sorta floundering around this year.  that’s what happens when the bad qb juju hits your school.  cal on the other hand got sorta lucky last week against the bruins.  a few passes gone the other way and i think cal might have lost the game.  oregon goes to cal and wins this one kids.  take the ducks.  GO DUCKS!!!

kansas st at kansas.  kansas favored by 11.5 points.  big rivalry game and anything can happen.  kansas at home should win and cover the points.

texas at texas tech.  texas favored by 6 points.  this is the biggie of the weekend regardless of what the sec honks have to say about it.  take texas tech to cover the points and probably win the game.  also remember to visit: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

that’s it for this week.  just remember to keep your wallet in a safe place and nobody gets hurt.  capice?  enjoy the games.

i’m going on a 10 day road trip starting this weekend so i may or may not do my week 11 and 12 predictions.  things remain to be seen.

jmh

the dumbest man in america and the runner-up

bud selig and the guy who runs fox sports tv.

jmh

(early) 2008 college football predictions week 11 (early)

since i’m off on the road trip for the next week or so i’m putting up my predictions for week 11 of the college season early.  i suppose at some point next week i could probably hack out the picks but i figure on being way too hung over most of the time to deal with anything other than just trying to make it through the day and the beginning of the next round of wanton drinking.  if you get my drift.

in that it’s early there are no odds yet for week 11.  so in lieu of them, i’m just picking a winner in the most predominate games.  or at least ones that have some sort of something going for them in the bcs bowl stuff regard.  this might even help out with my over all average since i don’t have the spread to mess with me.  yes, of course i’ll be counting these picks in my average.  it’s my party and i’ll do what i want.

just remember this is for entertainment purposes only and using any of this info to squander your money needlessly in vegas or some steamy alley would be stupid at best.  especially since we don’t even know who’s won this weekends games (week 10).  these picks might be a crap shoot at best.  or maybe not.  let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

tcu at utah.  a killer game in the making here.  some folks will be lucky enough to see it on the tube.  me?  no idea.  tcu’s defense against utah’s offense and their shot at bcs bowl busting.  i’m going with utah here.

oklahoma at texas a&m.  if i had some points on this one i’d probably go with texas but since i don’t i’m taking oklahoma to win.

oklahoma st at texas tech.  a great game and not on the tube as yet or maybe it will only be on in texas.  regardless, if you can watch this one do so.  i’m taking texas tech.  remember to visit: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/ 

utah st at boise st.  boise st needs this one to stay bcs bowl alive.  i’m taking boise st.

alabama at lsu.  another great game with lots of things going for it.  just how things work out depends somewhat on what happens this weekend with the tide.  IF bama is still unbeaten then i think lsu will win this one.  what the heck.  lsu wins it.  yeah, i’m a tide honk but i don’t think it’s their year.

baylor at texas.  texas wins it.  however, at some point they will take a loss and help the trojans out.

oregon st at ucla.  interesting game here kids.  no tv as yet.  oregon st needs this one to remain in the rose bowl hunt.  usc needs somebody to beat the beavers but probably not ucla.  yeah, convoluted bsc gibberish to be sure.  i’m taking oregon st.

cal at usc.  the abc 5pm pst time game.  i will be watching this one.  or at least that’s the game plan so far.  usc wins it.

notre dame at boston college.  the big time catholic schools go head to head.  charlie and his troops need this one to go bsc bowling.  though the irish do have some weird set-ups with several of the bowls.  trying to figure them out is really not worth it.  what happens happens.  i’m assuming this one is on the tube but i don’t see it.  nbc?  i’m taking boston college here folks.

penn st at iowa.  the pundit rumor mill already has joe pa and the penn st boys taking one in the shorts this year with the bsc crapola.  though that remains to be seen.  there’s always at least one school getting hosed by the bsc every year.  to bad it might be an unbeaten penn st this year.  iowa can spoil stuff but not this time.  take penn st to win.

there you have it, my early picks for week 11 of the 2008 college football season.  leave your wallet and money alone and you’ll do just fine.  i’ll still be on the road trip.  see ya when i get back.

jmh

2008 college football predictions week 12

now that i’m back from my long road trip i guess i’d better update my pick stats.  for week 10 i was 6 for 10.  not to shabby at all.  for week 11 i was 9 for 10.  pretty damn good but those picks were just based on my thoughts on who would win and no points.  pretty much any douche bag could go with those numbers on any given week if he follows the game.  the rub is the point spreads.  at any rate, i’m now 62 for 110.  pretty good numbers.  i’ll be going back to picking teams based on the spread for this weeks picks now that i’m back home.

however, before i get to it just remember that using any of the insanity i toss around here and taking it to the bank or whoever with the delusional idea you are gonna score big is stupid at best.  that being said, let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

cinncinnati at louisville.  cinncinnati favored by 3.5 points.  cinncinnati has been playing some good ball of late.  louisville is a past east coast media darling and still sorta doing ok.  it will be a good game and one to watch on thursday night.  take cinncinnati to win and cover the spread.

wake forest at n. carolina st.  wake forest favored by 3.5 points.  i’m still not sure just where wake forest has come from but somebody thinks they are now a good team after years of obscurity and doldrums.  take wake forest to win and cover the points.

mississippi st at alabama.  bama favored by 20.5 points.  as a long time alabama honk i’m very happy to see them on top of the bcs charts.  however, i am surprised its this year.  next year and the one after it are big trouble for the sec.  point?  they have been lucky and i think miss st spoils the bcs championship game for this year.  take miss st to cover the spread and maybe even win.

texas at kansas.  texas favored by 13 points.  pure and simple, take kansas to cover the spread and maybe win.

cal at oregon st.  oregon st favored by 3 points.  this one has gone up and down a bit.  someone needs to beat oregon st and take them out of the rose bowl hunt.  yeah, you know i’m a trojan homer.  however, i don’t think cal is up to that challenge.  take oregon st to win and cover.  this one might even be a blow out.

byu at air force.  byu favored by 5.5 points.  an old classic run and gun olden days wac game if there ever was one.  byu is out of the big bowl hunt and air force is no one to trifle with.  take air force to win or cover the points.

boise st at idaho.  boise st favored by 36.5 points.  the smurf turf boys are still out and lurking about.  to bad they play a cupcake schedule  because i am not impressed by said schedule.  plus they are a tier 3 school.  look that one up in your spare time.  at any rate, they will win and cover. 

usc at stanford.  usc favored by 23 points.  this past weekend i listened to the stanford oregon game on the radio.  stanford thought they had it in the bag with 2 minutes left.  ah, no, sorry.  stanford loses the game.  stanford needs one more win to go bowl eligible.  even with usc cranking out penalties like they are bailout money they will not make it this week as well.  usc is playing like crap.  the defense is the only thing holding them up.  has pete’s system come to a grinding halt?  are the trojans over?  all that being said, stanford might cover the points but if indeed the system ain’t over pete will roadshow win and win big for his 85th win out of a 100 starts.  like he said on the radio here, ‘even i can figure out that percentage.’  his lads will step up.  take usc to win and cover.

boston college at florida st.  florida st favored by 6.5 points.  florida st isn’t florida.  boston is back to playing some decent ball.  boston college will cover the spread and maybe even win.

utah at san diego st.  utah favored by 28.5 points.  utah is the only outside spoiler left in the bcs bowl game bonanaza.  the fly in ointment.  a thorn in the bcs’ side, fetlock, or hindquarter for that matter.  not a grandiose schedule but ok enough.  take utah to win and cover the spread.

there ya go, this weeks picks.  just remember leave your wallets alone and nobody gets hurt.  enjoy some brew and a nice steak or something and enjoy the action.  we are pretty close to nut cuttin’ time here kids. 

jmh

musical theatre or ‘wicked’ as a date

the brown eyed girl and i went out last night and headed into downtown lala land.  hollyweird to be more to the point.  she wanted to go see the musical ‘wicked’ again before they adios los angeles.  i was up for it even though i’ve never been a fan of broadway shows and their musical ilk.  sure there’s been some good stuff over the years that’s come out of broadway but they and it or them or some damn thing have never been my cup of tea.

the problem with going into the downtown area during the week, and at times on the weekend, is the traffic.  which of course last night was no exception.  only to be compounded on the ride home by cal-trans(the calif dept of transportation) my least favorite government entity anywhere and that would be including the u.s. congress.   

the hollyweird re-development types, they lurk about in your town as well.  re-development types are only in it for themselves.  there’s just too damn much money out there for them not to be.  that is if they weren’t all crooks to begin with.  at any rate, they took it upon themselves to retro sorta fit an old movie theatre.  the pantages theatre at hollywood and vine to be exact.  the olden venerable intersection that hasn’t aged to well.  but then who among us has? 

the last time i was at that particular theatre was back in it’s movie house days.  i saw ‘who’s afraid of virgina woolf’ there.  yeah, it’s been a while.  the place pretty much looks the same inside.  seats and all.  sure some paint daubed here and there and other cosmetic stuff as well.

the show?  it was so-so at best.  that’s from my perspective and you know where that is coming from.  no, not homophobia.  grow up.  though the crowd loved it.  the brown eyed girl wasn’t real happy about it either.  she had seen it before at the same venue and enjoyed it more the first time.  she said if last night had been her first time seeing it she would have been disappointed and she loves broadway shows.  disappointing in that the acoustics were/are abominable. 3/4′s of what was said or sung was unintelligible.  just murky muddy sound of the worst kind.  plus she wasn’t real happy with some of the present cast.

all that being said, it wasn’t like i was going to walk out of the place humming one of the tunes even if i had been able to hear them clearly.  would i go back there to see another show?  yeah, well, probably.  but only  if the brown eyed girl wanted to go see something else there.  hopefully, that would be at some point well into next year.

jmh

another black day in black rock

the summer that refuses to die hangs around like the plague of the dark ages.  plus we have the added attraction of wildfires fanned by the santa ana winds wrecking havoc through out southern california.  the heart bleeds at the sight of hundreds of burned out homes from santa barbara to corona. 

resources spread to thin.  money even thinner as the once great state of chaos and confusion, california, wrestles with a huge budget deficit.  sad times for all.  even for those that don’t live here.  you have the same problem.  maybe you realize it.  maybe you don’t.  trust me you do.  point being is the dumb asses we elect to watch out for what’s best for us usually never do.

while i was on my road trip up to northern california a week or so ago i was surprised by the fact that a local municipality up there was thinking about closing a fire house.  a fire house that bordered upon a junior college.  budget troubles was the answer the local pols gave for their reasoning.  sure close up something that might just actually do everyone some good at one point or another.  particularly when the firestorm hits or some other disaster.  

folks, don’t let the ass holes close fire houses, cop sub-stations, or anything else that might come in handy when the whip comes down.  because eventually the whip will come down.  hard.  and the piper will need to be paid.  yes, there’s only so much they can do.  but putting less of them out on the streets is utter stupidity. 

trust me on this.  it will come up wherever you live.  they will say money is tight and times are hard.  close a fire house or two or three or more.  just say no to them.  tell them to find the money someplace else.  like maybe their pork barrel projects and associated skim money.  or their long intimate lunches with sleazy re-development types which then means the sleaze gets passed around.  a buy here.  a sell there.  bought back and sold again.  bought and sold again for another handsome profit.  all this going on while you and your fellow citizens are the only losers in the sordid mess.  all the while rome burns. 

jmh

a nice poem

i didn’t write the poem.  i have no idea who did.  i received it in an email mail from one of my friends.  he’s 11 years old just like me.  well, not really, but it’s the term the brown eyed girl came up with when dealing with my arrested development or something.  any the ways, you may have seen it before.  whatever.  i don’t care.

my real reason for getting you to read this blog is to hopefully get you to visit change.org and make a donation to help out some native americans who are having a very nasty early winter.  please do what you can.

http://www.change.org/ipi/projects/view/help_the_families_of_pine_ridge_reservation

 

A WOMAN’S POEM:
 
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man,
who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart, and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to ‘how big is my behind?’
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
 
A MAN’S POEM:
 
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge
boobs and a nice butt who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.
 
jmh

2008 college football predictions week 13

time once again for the trip into the mystic and predict some college football outcomes for this coming week.  last week i was 5 for 10.  not to bad.  the push with the trojans helped out big time.  yeah, a push and i’m taking it as a win.  sue me.  at any rate, my over all stats are now, 67 for 120.  if i was playing baseball i’d be a shoe in for the mvp award for both leagues.

just keep in mind that taking what is dished out here as sane betting advice would be pretty damn stupid.  only a fool bets on games.  so let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

boston college at wake forest.  wake forest favored by 2 points.  boston college came through for me last week.  they are on a roll.  take boston college to win or cover the spread.

michigan at ohio st.  ohio st favored by 20.5 points.  is there any sadder program in the country than michigan at the moment?  i doubt it.  i really can’t see them stopping the coming thumping from the buckeyes.  20 plus is a bunch of points but take ohio st to win and cover. 

iowa st at kansas st.  kansas st favored by 10 points.  the cyclones play spoiler this weekend. they cover the spread and just might win.  take iowa st.

texas tech at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 6.5 points.  if the game wasn’t at oklahoma the spread would be much tighter.  doesn’t matter the texas tech red raiders roll on.  take texas to win and cover.  also be sure to visit: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

michigan st at penn st.  penn st favored by 14.5 points.  the great penn st bcs debate is over after last weeks loss.  however, take penn to win and cover.

air force at tcu.  tcu favored by 18.5 points.  air force did a respectable job in losing against byu last week.  they scored some points.  tcu has defense.  i don’t care.  take the falcons to cover the spread and possibly win.  air force.

stanford at cal.  cal favored by 9 points.  cal will be lucky to come out of this one with a win.  take stanford to cover the spread.

boise st at nevada.  boise st favored by 6.  not much of a spread for the vaunted blue smurfs of idaho.  this is a tough one but I’m taking nevada to cover the spread and maybe even win.

buy at utah.  utah favored by 6.  yeah, not a miss-print either.  utah still has a shot at bcs bowl busting.  this one is also about bragging rights for the state of utah.  mormon frenzy at it’s highest.  take utah to win and cover.

oregon st at arizona.  arizona favored by 3.  i really don’t see where that is coming from.  but whatever.  arizona needs to take care of biz here.  no one wants to see penn st and oregon st in the rose bowl.  saner folks prefer the penn st and the trojans match-up.  some one please beat the beavers.  with summer still hanging around these parts, tucson will be boiling come saturday.  take arizona to win and cover.

there ya go, my lucky week 13 picks.  leave your wallet alone and nobody get hurt.  capice?  good.  now, just enjoy the games and your weekend.

jmh

do right woman

i’ve been playing some poker and listening to gram parsons.  something i do a lot of.  not playing poker but listening to gram.  today for some reason his version of the tune, ‘do right woman’, really struck a chord.  i don’t know but maybe it had to do with last nights joint freezing muscle torturing session on the couch with the brown eyed girl.  moving to a more comfortable place was brought up a few times but it never happened.  frozen joints and tortured muscles not withstanding.  it was however very cosmic in that odd geezer way.

if you’ve heard gram’s version or the flying burrito bros version of the tune before give it another listen.  if you haven’t listened to it try and find it.  i can’t find a video of it.  maybe there is one out there but i don’t know.

yes, i know there’s aretha franklin, sinead o’connor, joan baez, and a few others out there that have covered the tune.  listen to gram or maybe even emmy lou harris.
 

Do Right Woman
Words and Music by Dan Penn and Chips Moman
Take me to heart and I’ll always love you
And nobody else could make me do wrong
Take me for granted, and I’ll tag along
Makes willpower weak, and temptation’s strong

A woman’s only human
This you must understand
She’s not just a plaything
She expects love just like a man

So if you want a do right all day woman
You gotta be a do right all night man

They say that it’s a man’s world
But you can’t prove that by me
So as long as we’re together, baby
You better show some respect for me

So if you want a do right all day woman
You gotta be a do right all night man
You gotta be a do right all night man
You gotta be a do right all night man
jmh

2008 college football predictions week 14

it’s only tuesday and folks are already up in arms over this weeks continuation of rivalry weekend.  only two more weeks left in the college regular season.  these games this week mean the difference between hanging out at home and getting into trouble or going out on the road to a bowl game this december or january and getting into trouble.  any more it seems like the kids are up for either.  but i digress.

last week i was 5 for 10.  a semi sorry record.  your pet chicken could probably do as well.  my over all record now stands at 72 for 130.  barely decent.  just remember that the point spread that is here is the one i go by in determining if i win or not.  the spread might change but unless its a big bounce and i notice it, what’s here is here.

also taking any of what i toss out here as sage advice is and would be insanity and stupidity at its highest level.  all that being said, let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

texas a & m at texas.  texas favored by 35 points.  a ton of points and the game is a homer for the longhorns.  that is the only reason i’m taking texas to cover.  well, that and if they don’t win and win big they get to stay home over the holidays.  take texas.

fresno st at boise st.  boise st favored by 20.5 points.  i was really looking forward to this game at the beginning of the year.  sadly fresno st has lost a good number of starters and their backups just haven’t been that good.  regular readers know that i don’t care much for boise st and their cupcake schedule.  smurf turf and all.  fresno st steps up here and covers the points.  they may not win but they will cover.  take fresno st.

maryland at boston college.  boston college favored by 7 points.  a number of things on the line in this one, kids.  boston college is finally playing some ball.  take boston college to win and cover the spread.

virgina at virgina tech.  virgina tech favored by 8 points.  take tech to win and cover.

oklahoma at oklahoma st.  oklahoma favored by 7 points.  i like oklahoma st in this one.  home game and not many points in a rivalry game that can end up anywhere.  take oklahoma st to win or cover the points.

georgia tech at georgia.  georgia favored by 8.5 points.  take georgia to win or cover.

auburn at alabama.  bama favored by 14 points.  if auburn had played up to their potential this year this game may have been a good one.  they still might this saturday but it might not matter.  take alabama to win and cover.  roll tide.

florida at florida st.  florida favored by 16.5 points.  i’m thinking florida st will make a good enough showing here to cover the points.  they may not win but they will cover the spread.

oregon at oregon st.  oregon st favored by 3.5 points.  if they game wasn’t at state it would be a toss up.  my beloved ducks need to win this civil war game and keep the beavers out of the rose bowl.  please.  this one will probably be one of the best games of turkey weekend.  count on it.  take oregon to win or cover.  GO DUCKS!!!!!

notre dame at usc.  usc favored by 30 points.  a huge point spread.  with rain comiong today and tomorrow.  a damp field come saturday?  no idea if it will be covered during the rain.  huge old time rivalry here.  though pete plays it like any other game.  trojans have had trouble with bye weeks and coming back strong.  charlie needs to make a statement here or the golden domers alumni will turn him into the next ty willingham.  pete will also be making a statement saturday.  usc wins and covers the spread.

everyone have a happy thanksgiving and enjoy the games.  just remember to leave your wallets alone and in your pocket.  taking it out and peeling off some greenbacks would be insanity at best.  don’t do it. 

jmh

why is it…(?)

this past weekend, between college football games, the brown eyed girl and i did a bit of shopping for stuff i needed.  she had already done the friday morning deal.  no, not at oh dark thirty like lots of folks but a bit later.  not that it matters.  and that’s a drift.

we went to ‘bed bath and beyond’ a store i’ve dumped a good amount of change into since moving into this place.  plus they have the 20% off coupons that never expire. 

i picked up another small sorta end table deal that the brown eyed girl said i needed.  fine.  not a problem.  it looked like it had been opened before but i really didn’t think it mattered that much.  i had purchased two of them a few months ago.  really easy to put together so what could be the problem?  maybe someone just didn’t like the color or something.

i’ve also  been looking for another paper shredder.  the one i had died and my shredding pile has begun to get annoyingly large.  they had a seemingly decent one on sale and with the 20% off it was a seemingly steal.

well, i got around to the two of them today.  the small end table type thingy was a total waste.  some how or another when it was manufactured several of the places where screws needed to go didn’t have threads.  sweet.  the thing had obviously been returned as the screw package was open.  someone had just taped the box up again and stuck it back in stock.  left it there for little ol’ me.  fucking sweet.  i took it back and got my money back and made sure they understood what had happened.  yeah, right.

soooo…a bit later i got around to my shredding task.  a comfy chair.  this one to be exact.  a nice beverage and my pile of stuff.  i was off and running.  sad thing is the goddamn fucking shredder ate itself not long into the damn bleeding process.  i mean it literally ate itself.  it started chewing up the top of the damn machine until it just got jammed with enough of the housing plastic to come to a grinding halt.  pun intended.

i was like, say what the fuck?  the bloody thing is brand new.  of course it’s made in china.  but like what ain’t these days?  i hadn’t done anything untoward toward the damn thing.  it was supposed to grind up to 7 sheets of paper at a time.  i hadn’t even come close to shredding 7 at a pop.  i was just working up to that number when things went south.

yeah, i made another trip back there and got my money back for that one as well.  just bloody lovely.  i still need the end table thingy and now another fucking shredder too.  sweet.

ok.  so like before i go i’d just like to say that our next president had better get some jobs back to this country.  make that manufacturing jobs.  screw the car industry.  they haven’t a bleeding clue.  get some work back here that’s gone overseas.  say like maybe paper shredders.  there ya go.  that would be a start. 

another start might be getting the damn spell check to work like it’s supposed to.

jmh

college football week 15 picks

yeah, i changed the title format. yep, sure did.  at any rate, i was a tepid 5 for 10 last week.  i would have done better but i got bit by the point spread on a couple of games.  life, as it were.  my totals for the year are, 77 for 140.  i’m getting closer to the dreadful 50% mark.  like i said before, your pet chicken could do 50% easy.

sadly it’s the final week of the regular college football season.  only thing left are the bowl games.  more on that when the bowls get dealt out.  just remember that taking anything you read here is borderline insanity  if you go to somebody who will take your action and you give them my ‘action’ you are just lame and probably should be put away for your own good.

i’m only doing 6 games this week.  only 6 because the rest of what is left i could care less who wins or why or what the harold.  capice?  all that being said let’s get down with the last week of regular season college football.  damn, i miss it already.  is it september yet?  let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

louisville at rutgers.  rutgers favored by 11 points.  probably a good game.  i’ll be at a holiday party with the brown eyed girl.  maybe the tv will be on and tuned to espn.  one can only hope.  if louisville or rutgers played boise st’s dance card they would be 12 and 0 as well.  take rutgers to win and cover the points.

navy at army.  navy favored by 11.5 points.  the yearly pentagon bowl.  ok.  i was army back in the day.  just a draftee but army none the less.  the old man was army as well.  ww2 wise.  yeah, take army to cover.  they may not but, yeah, this one is always for the ages. 

boston college at virgina tech.  boston college favored by 1 point.  a toss up, kids.  and a stellar game as well.  the deal?  deal is boston college wins the game.

alabama at florida.  florida favored by 9.5 points.  sadly the game is over for the tide.  they finally meet their waterloo this year. take florida to win and cover.  yeah, ok.  the tide might actually win this but i doubt it.  wait till next year bama.  florida wins and covers.

usc at ucla.  usc favored by 32.5 points.  tons of points once again for the battle for the city of lost angels and bragging rights there of.  norm chow meets pete in the rose bowl for some sort of homecoming.  the bruins don’t have the players.  usc has more than enough to seal the deal and a rose bowl bcs bid.  or maybe more if the big 12 turns to dust.  at any rate, that old weez about any team and any given saturday especially a rivalry as hot and heavy as this one is any thing could happen.  take the trojans to win and cover.

just remember to keep your wallet in your pockets and things will turn out ok.  enjoy the games.

that’s it, the sad end of the regular season 2008 for college football.  nine months of wandering the desert of no college football await.  yeah, there’s the bowl games but they ain’t the same.  is it september yet?

jmh

just another weisacre(?)

earlier this week charlie weise slid into home and won himself another year at the helm of the fighting irish and their once vaunted football team.  followers of the golden domers and team touchdown jesus know that the irish have been in the doldrums for a number of years.  it was rumored that charlie was gonna get the ax if he lost to the trojans again this year. 

he did lose but somehow or another he saved his job.  one wag on a message board put it bluntly to the fact that charlie is white.  a not to subtle jibe at the golden domers and their bungling of the ty willingham deal.  yes, bungling.  ty has since come out and given notre dame credit for keeping charlie around.  ty willingham is a class act and a great human being.  however, this isn’t about ty.

veers and tangents scream through my addled brain here.  ty willingham’s wife and notre dame.  charlie weis and notre dame.  both a problem in a similar vein?  i don’t know i wasn’t or ain’t there.  but i hear stuff.  maybe you do too.  hear stuff like charlie is only into charlie.  no inroads in friend making or hang time with anyone.  plus he can’t seem to win with the kids he has.  

ok.  so charlie has a face to face with notre dame’s new athletic director, jack swarbrick.  fine.  charlie wasn’t doing well.  reportedly jack laid it out for charlie.  improve next year or adios.  next year everyone on the team will be charlie’s recruits.  sink or swim time.

i think the real reason charlie is still around is that mr. swarbrick didn’t want his first major act as athletic director to be the firing of charlie weis and his 3 or 4 super bowl rings.  yeah, i know charlie is also white.  or is charlie weis just another pro coach that can’t make it in the college game because he’s to arrogant and comes across as such.  and a majority of the kids can’t get behind whatever he’s dishing out as a coach.

all that would be some sort of supposition on my part and a number of folks part as well.  maybe or maybe not.  let’s take a look at notre dame’s line-up for next year 2009. 

nevada, a home game to start the year.  no guarantee win here.  nevada played some ball this year.  depending on the number of returning starters for nevada this could well be charlie’s first loss.  nevada’s returning starters may not have anything to do with it.  yeah, it’s their first trip to the home of the golden dome but if properly kept in balance it’s a win for them.

at michigan.  another coach with problems.  maybe even more than charlie. 
michigan wins.

michigan st at home.  another loss.

at purdue.  they might win this one again.  might being the operative word.

washington at home.  they will probably win this one.

open week.  no one scheduled as yet.  here’s a chance for charlie and jack to schedule someone that isn’t a cupcake.  i don’t want to see some crappy school stuck in here just to give charlie a win.  i want somebody competitive tossed in here.  a true bcs caliber team.  we shall see what happens.

usc at home.  another loss.

boston college at home.  another loss.

washington st at san antone, tx.  say what?  yeah, that’s what it says and i haven’t a clue as to why.  at any rate charlie might pull this one out.

navy at home.  could go either way.

at pittsburgh.  pitt can’t wait for this one.

connecticutt at home.  a win maybe.

at stanford.  stanford wins this one.

there ya go.  things don’t look good on paper at this point for charlie.   a semi sorta schedule that doesn’t help out usc at all.  meaning notre dame plays cupcakes anymore and when usc thumps them everybody just yawns and the trojans don’t move up to where they ought to be.  yes, homer john and his trojans.  i want notre dame to be good.  i want them to play a better caliber schedule so when usc beats them it means something.  capice?  

so bottom line?  i think charlie will be gone after next year’s season.  if he were black he would already be down the road.

jmh

belinda and her friends

i’ve tried to write at least three other blogs today with no luck.  i’ve been distracted.  like i’ve taken care of friends other than myself.  no, i’m not looking for sympathy or whatever.  i’m just sayin’.  at any rate, my writing stuff has more or less taken a backseat to other stuff.  all that being said…

‘belinda and her friends’ a book of poetry by my friend, puma perl, is something you all should consider and buy.  in my humble opinion, she is the finest poet  here  or anywhere else at the time.  sure it’s high praise.  however, i speak the truth. 

heroin and alcohol memories.  a sorta charlie bukowski of the female gender stuff.  nyc.  junkie alkie nyc.  mean street nyc.  by a lady who was there and is still there.  but only writes from those hard edged vivid memories of her past junkie alkie sodden dreams of nyc street life. 

after she cleaned her act up she paid some more dues by trying to help the aids inflicted street life folks she left behind.  no, she doesn’t have aids.  she got lucky. 

you’ll get lucky if you buy her most recent book of poems, ‘belinda and her friends’.  trust me.  go to: http//www.erbacce-press.com and find her book.  you won’t be sorry.  you’ll be doing yourself a favor.

jmh

oh tannenbaum or a christmas tale (updated)

 i want to thank all of you who read this poem.  the poem isn’t about my christmas this year.  it concerns my christmas in vietnam during the war and the cutting down of a small pine tree at the beach.   i also wrote about it last year using prose.  it’s back there in the vault.  i wanted to present the scenario in a different way this year.

at any rate,  this minor adventure is never far from my thoughts at this time.   it’s just one of those life things.  i hope you all take the time to remember those in the military and those of us who are less fortunate this christmas. 

i wish you all a wonderful and peaceful christmas and a very happy new year. thanks, again, to all of my readers.

jmh

 

mosquito dreams
slip through
the seams
christmas time
all isn’t sublime
hopes hang
then falter
nothing can alter
the dim hopes
the sad schemes
all slip and
slide in between
reality it seems
trumps those
our dreams
with more
sad silent
screams.

visions of a tree
frightful and small
scrawny and tawdry
ready to fall
vainly to bring
hope for us all
out on a limb
a viper does crawl
slippery silver
death kneel after all
three colts bark
staccato
viper shashimi
before it falls
while the tree
grows new life
it saddens
us all.

jmh

college football bowl picks 2008-09

yes, kids, it’s that time of year again.  kris kringle and the college football bowl season.  it also signals the long wait between now and september of next year when things get rolling again.  no more thursday nights spent sipping ale and watching the game with the cat while the brown eyed girl is at her sculpture class.  ah, fond memories.  it almost brings a tear to my eye.  but i drift.

last year i ran the whole lot of them down.  not this year.  just like during the regular season i’m only doing ten of the games.  which brings another digression.  my final stats for the regular season were 80 for 146.  nothing outstanding but better than 50%.  sorta.

ok.  so only 10 bowl games for me this year because they are probably the only 10 i’ll actually sit through.  for the most part most of the games are stinkers and the only folks interested are the hapless fools who actually travel from where ever to whatever to sit in the stands and drink over priced brews.  maybe if you’re lucky you can snag a beer or two.  maybe not. 

the bowl folks and chamber of commerce folks love them though.  most of the time they make enough money on the rubes who do go sit and cheer for the old home team.  espn also pays a bundle for the games.  but that’s another blog.

enough yammering let’s rock ‘n’ roll.

dec 20, las vegas bowl, las vegas.  byu vs arizona.  arizona favored by 3 points.  it seems like byu is a perennial for this bowl game.  i guess the vegas wags figure that the mormons like to let their hair down once a year in vegas and the game gives them a chance to party down.  at any rate, for some reason arizona is the favorite.  i don’t think so.  byu doesn’t go to vegas to drink and mess with the hookers.  they go to play football.  take byu to win or cover the spread.

dec 23, poinsettia bowl, san diego.  boise st vs tcu.  tcu favored by 2.5 points.  san diego is fun any time of the year.  it’s just getting there that’s the hard part.  at least if you drive.  any the ways, this one is probably one of the best match-ups of the bowl season.  boise’s offense meets tcu’s defense.  the kicker being it’s a neutral field.  sweet.  no home smurf turf and boise gets to play a pretty good team.  take the horned toads frogs or whatever to win and cover.  in simple english, take tcu.

dec 24, hawaii bowl, honolulu.  notre dame vs hawaii.  hawaii favored by 1.5 points.  no one is really sure just why the golden domers are going to any bowl game this year.  the only reason being it’s a good bet the faithful will travel to the islands and while getting the sunburn of their lives go to see notre dame get beat.  it’s that simple.  charlie and the boys lose another one.  take hawaii.  hey, it’s christmas eve grab some absolut and hunker down.  merry christmas.

dec 27, emerald bowl, san francisco.  cal vs miami.  cal favored by 7 points.  if it’s not raining this could be an interesting game.  if cal shows up in a playing mood they might even cover the spread or win.  all they have to do is cross the oakland bay bridge and they are there.  seems simple enough but cal is disappointing most of the time.  take miami to win or cover the spread.

dec 30, holiday bowl, san diego.  oklahoma st vs oregon.  oklahoma st favored by 3 points.  another sleeper here kids.  this one is going to be a good one.  or at least it seems so on paper.  plus san diego once again.  i’m counting on my ducks to pull this one out of the almost new years eve hat and win.  take the ducks to cover the spread or win.  GO DUCKS!!!!

dec 31, sun bowl, ft worth.  oregon st vs pittsburg.  oregon st favored by 3 points.  yes, another pac 10 team.  your point?  oh, i’m a homer.  you bet i am.  this one could get ugly if the beavers take out their rose bowl frustrations on pitt.  i’m counting on it.  take the beavers to win and cover.  happy new year.

jan 1, rose bowl, pasadena.  usc vs penn st.  usc favored by 10 points.  it should be a good game.  if usc can find an offense and score more points than joe pa’s boys i’ll be a happy camper.  that’s the problem.  usc and their semi sorta offense.  actually i’m kind of glad sarkasian is leaving.  sue me.  the usc defense is the best in the nation.  at any rate, take usc to cover the spread and win.   

jan 2, cotton bowl, dallas.  texas tech vs ole miss.  texas favored by 5.5 points.  it’s nice to see ole miss in a bowl game.  to bad they have to play the red raiders from texas.  my sorta alma mater of sorts.  it should be a good game.  or at least i hope so.  take texas tech to win and cover the points.  also take the time to visit: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

jan 2, sugar bowl, the big easy.  utah vs alabama.  bama favored by 10.5 points.  usual readers know i’m an old tide fan.  i love em.  i’m also a fan of utah this year.  a dilemma for sure.  guess what?  take utah to cover the spread and maybe even win.  yep, they are probably already tired of hearing how badly the tide is going to stomp them.  i don’t think so.  utah, take em.

jan 8, bcs championship game, maimi.  oklahoma vs florida.  florida favored by 3.5 points.  i may or may not even watch this one.  i’m usually fed up with the bowls by this point in time.  simple easy.  take florida to win or cover.

that’s it.  the games i’ll more than likely watch.  maybe.  forget about the rest of them.  just remember not to get stupid and take my advice and put any money on any of these games.  games where anything can happen because the wait is too damn long after the regular season.  most of the kids will have been robbing liquor stores and smoking crack during the month before the games.  only a fool bets bowl games.  capice?  good.  enjoy the holidays and the games.  no more college football till september 09.  crap.  is it september yet?

jmh

some more random weirdness

the brown eyed girl said that yesterday’s blog was weird.  i agreed.  it was weird.  it was meant to be plus i’m a little rusty because most of my writing has been football related for some time now.  that deal is about over for the year.  almost. 

before i leave the sports venue i need to wade in on the tiger woods caddy comment.  if you haven’t heard his caddy made a catty comment about phil mickelson over the weekend to some reporter or something.  it seems he called phil a naughty word. 

let’s be honest here.  phil, better known as lefty, but i prefer hefty, is not liked on the tour.  his fellow players think he is a phony or worse.  i hear stuff and i continue to hear stuff along those lines.  however, you don’t want your caddy making untoward statements about any other player on the tour even if they are true.

tigers comment about the whole deal was that ‘the matter had been dealt with’ time to move on.  back when i worked i got into a number of scrapes with the public.  once i explained what happened it was usually, ‘don’t do it again.’  i imagine in tiger’s case it was a round of high fives and a good hearty laugh.  and of course, don’t do it again.

my friend, jwfh, did another rain blog over night.  stellar as usual.  he wanted to sleep out in the car to really get into the rain.  i should have thought of that.  sleeping in the car under the tin carport roof would be heaven in a way.  harkening back to my days in nam and the monsoons hammering the tin roofs there.  or perhaps high school or college days at the drive-in theatre and it’s raining.  cold, freezing, half naked teenage lust on a car seat.  um, yeah. 

we have more rain in the forecast for today.  cold temps as well.  the brown eyed girl read me a weather rumor last night that said snow levels down to 1,000 ft for this evening.  that means here.  if it’s true or happens.  she’s coming over for dinner and spending the night here.  perhaps we’ll bundle up, sit on the veranda, and wait for the snow to fall with a nice glass of gold medal sherry or port to ward off the cold.

for now the sun is out, the sky is bright, the foothills and mountains are alive with snow.  i’ve seen more but it’s a start.

it’s christmas.  i’m happy.  yeah, jwfh, amazing ain’t it?  here’s something from the vault.  it isn’t christmas related but it has a keith richards vibe to it.  enjoy.

 
i hear the click clack of your feet on the stairs 

what a great line, pure gold from the glimmer twins.  who else?  i hear the click clack of some lady’s feet on the concrete drive every morning.  heels.  hopefully open toed.  at least i’m hoping it’s a lady.  i haven’t looked to see who it is.  i guess the fantasy thing is ok for now.  i mean it could be some decked out dude or some well, overly well fed mamacita.  or it could be heaven in heels for that matter.  i don’t want to know.  not yet.  just that sound is enough to make a man’s mind wander or at least this man’s mind.  what’s left of it anyways.  wander to all sorts of different spots.  then you toss in some thing on cable about vegas and the m i t gang that busted vegas up for a time.  and the mind drifts back.

back to vegas and the beginning of the first gulf war.  that was the last time i was in vegas, alone.  i was supposed to be there with girlfriend at the time or actually my ex, cause i’d wandered off.  it just wasn’t working.  for both of us.  a lovely vietnamese lady.  years later we stumbled upon each other again and tried, again, with the same results.  i wandered off.  again.  veering.

i’d had the hotel reservations for some time and i guess i just needed to go and forget or something.  plus the new war was about to kick off and it indeed did while i was there.  and well, lots of shit slopping around in my addled brain.

vegas isn’t one of my favorite places.  never has been.  i prefer lake tahoe.  it’s more laid back.  for gambling, drinking and relaxing.  though i’d stay away over labor day weekend.  these days i stay away from everything over any 3 day weekend.  at any rate those were the days when i did actually gamble.  i don’t any more.  just the california lottery these days.  the super lotto.  however, those that know say the horse race deal is the one to bet when it gets big.  hard for me to get a grip on shit today.  tangents.  i will also occasionally bet college football now and again.  but that doesn’t count.  yes, of course.

ok. so i’m in vegas.  the hotel california.  may as well have been.  i’m in one of the bars in the casino having a drink and playing video poker.  taking a break from real poker.  ah, yeah,  here comes another tangent.  7 card stud.  not the texas stuff of today.  too much luck involved there.  sure luck in all the gambling deals but that game leaves me cold.  so i’m at the bar playing video poker, drinking.  a very nice looking lady sits down a couple of seats away.  she’s alone.  nicely dressed and yeah, sorta hot.  she gets a drink and starts dropping quarters in the machine.

well, we start chatting.  she’s very nice and bright.  we have a few drinks.  all is sweetness and light.  what could be better?  she’s a reader and an ex professional athlete.  and italian.  how cool is that?  a damn trifecta.  she says she’s got to take care of something but would like to see me later that night for more chatting and drinking. well, you don’t have to ask me twice.  the date was made.

later that evening we meet in the hotel bar.  she looks even lovelier than she did earlier in the day.  sweet.  we have a drink and she suggests we go upstairs to my room and have another drink.  fine by me.  she’s such a vivacious and intelligent lady i was falling in love.  honey, i’ll follow you anywhere.  so we get upstairs and of course she turns out to be a working lady.  what else could the deal be?  naturally.  but like i said i was falling in love and working ladies don’t bother me.  bills gotta be paid.  

it was a really great time.  for me and for her.  she liked it just as much as i did.  the grand finale was right from the cd i’m listening to, ‘parachute woman’, her favorite activity.  she did it well.  i came in her hair.  sorta.  i didn’t notice till she was leaving.  of course she was in a hurry to leave.  another appointment.  so i didn’t say anything.  yes, yes, yes of course.  my bad.  a sorta very early ‘something about mary’.

one evening a month or so later i was home asleep, more like passed out, on the couch.  tv on.  the phone woke me up.  it was her.  i was groggy and didn’t really pick up on just who the fuck it was.  i’m like going, who?  who? just like some sad demented owl.  i didn’t realize it was her till after she hung up on me.  then i woke up.  i didn’t sleep much the rest of the night.  pretty much non-stop brain streaming shit.  no, she never called back.

music provided by, the rolling stones, ‘beggars banquet’.

jmh

new country heroes

i wrote this late yesterday morning/early afternoon.  my ears are still ringing from the volume of the tunes.  plus, i wasn’t under the influence of any drugs or booze.  a shade too early in the day for vino so i was just under the spell of real country music.   

a few weeks back my friend, jwfh, turned me on to a semi old country and western cd.  the real deal shit.  not that pussy crapola you hear on k-fr(o)g around these parts or your parts for that matter.  the real deal shit.  because like the band says, ‘pop country really sucks.’

yep, plus some of the best country musicians this side of the last late great batch of country pickers from the heart of country music not since the likes of clarence white et al.  that doesn’t make much sense but i don’t care.  more kids to be sure.  kids that kick ass. 

johnny hiland– electric guitar; andy gibson– several steel guitars; randy kohrs, dobro; joe buck, bass; donnie herron, fiddle;  shawn mcwilliams, drums. 

then there’s leader of the pack, hank williams lll, vocals and guitars.  the grandson of the late legendary country crooner/composer hank williams.

if you like real country music or if you’ve never listened to hank lll and his band i think you should.  no holds barred.  raw in your face country.  old country.  the kind of stuff that brings me back to my youthful days of early country music.  back when it was real americana.  not the watered down puss bucket country shit of today.  real country music played by some of the best musicians i’ve heard in a long damn time.  period.

‘angel of sin’ is worth the price of admission alone.  or ‘not everybody likes us’.  or ‘country heroes’.  hank williams lll, the cd, ‘straight to hell’.  buy it.  listen to it.  i’ve lost track how many times it’s played today.   

‘i think i’d rather eat the barrel of a double barreled shotgun than listen to that shit they call country pop on 98.1.’

‘it’s a certain kinda livin’.  it’s a certain kinda style.  not everybody likes us but we drive some folks wild.’ 

they ‘put the dick back in dixie and the cunt back in country.’  sure nuff.

i really like these guys because they can play and they sing the truth.

jmh

fond memories(?)

i’ve had these photos for a while now.  probably since this summer and one crazed hot day or evening in the time before the brown eyed girl and i became an item.  i was going to use them in a blog about nam but that particular one isn’t getting off the ground just yet.  there are a couple of other photos as well.  i liked them and wanted to stick them in a blog. 

this morning my friend, dfr, sent me a couple of photos as he is want to do.  he also included a poem this morning.  a poem by charles bukowski.  i decided to use the bukowski poem and add the photos as a sorta pictograph. 

believe it or not i think there’s a point to the blog. i hope you enjoy it.

 cosmic dancing shiva

shoes

 

when you’re young

a pair

of female

high-heeled shoes

just sitting

alone

in the closet

can fire

your bones;

when you’re old

it’s just

a pair of shoes

without

anybody

in them

and just

as well.

 

charles bukowski

jmh

let it snow and b/day wishes

we had our first really good rain storm of the season this past week.  along with the rain there was a pretty good load of snow for the local mountains and foothills.  it was almost cold enough for it to snow right here.  it almost made it.  no snow here in this area since january. 1979.  i was living several hundred yards to the east at the time.  i remember it well.  maybe we’ll get some around here again later in the season.

the pictures that follow were taken by the brown eyed girl late yesterday morning over in cuca.  you can see just how close the snow got to civilization.  or how close civilization is getting to the snow.  i hope you enjoy them. 

hopefully the clouds will clear at some point and we can get a truly spectacular shot of the mountains in all their christmas glory.  thanks, babe, for going out of your way to take the pictures.

happy birthday keith richards.

jmh

a sorta weekend up-date w/ photos

 i’m sure a good number of you spent the weekend like we did.  running around and trying to get ready for christmas day.  a stop here and a stop there and another over there.  of course, there’s still way too much left to do.  that happens when the deal goes down at your house.  or the brown eyed girl’s house as the case may be. 

there was time to stop the car and shoot some more nice photos of the most recent snow on the mountains.  they are one of the reasons i still like living here.  when the day is clear winter or summer there they are in all their glory.  the san gabriels. 

this will probably be my last blog until after christmas.  myself and the brown eyed girl hope you all have a peaceful and wonderful christmas.  consider the last photos and these photos as a sort of gift from the two of us to all of you, my readers.  we hope you enjoy them.  all these photos were taken by me unless otherwise noted.  merry christmas!!

san antonio peak or cucamonga peak.  depending on which map you might be looking at or who ever you are talking to about the peak.  us long time locals call it san antone peak. 

other views.

the view from the brown eyed girls drive-way.

the view from my veranda.

the brown eyed girl a self portrait.

a ginko tree taken by the brown eyed girl.

merry christmas from southern california!

jmh

christmas cheer and/or i’m the trashman

i hadn’t planned on writing anything else until after christmas.  i thought i’d be too busy today.  turns out things are well under control at the brown eyed girls place so here i am.  lucky me.  at any rate, i’ll go back there later today and spend christmas eve drinking euro-lander beer and eating tamales with her and kayla the cat.  i’m not sure how that’s going to work out taste wise but whatever.  we need the space in the reefer for christmas day stuff.  the beer has to go.  no, the cat will not be fed beer and/or tamales.  though on the other hand some beer might chill her out.

i may have a bit of christmas cheer before the beer.  then again maybe i’d better not.  never mix.  never worry.  a good credo to live by if there ever was one.  long time readers know i’m a big fan of absolut vodka.  what can i say?  over the years i’ve always heard that grey goose is the vodka of choice among the truly hip and delusional.  i mean guys like howard stern and colin cowherd sing praise about gray goose.  had i been missing something?

maybe if i started drinking gray goose i would become truly hip and even more delusional.  maybe i’d get a sirius radio show or espn or sports illustrated would come a calling with a nice fat sports writing contract.  well, shit.  it was time for me to buy me some of that grey goose stuff and get the money train a rollin’.  so that’s what i did.

a few weeks ago we were at costco, a big warehouse store here in so cal.  it’s just like a sam’s club or something.  we were wandering around in the place and i spotted some grey goose.  honey, i’m gonna get a bottle of grey goose.  babe, it ain’t cheap.  yeah, i know but if i’m ever gonna be truly hip and more delusional i’m gonna have to at least try the stuff.

grey goose is twice the price of absolut.  twice the price so it must be twice as good.  right?  one would think.  but trust me it isn’t the case.  i don’t like the stuff.  absolut is much smoother and tastier.  grey goose sucks.  oh, i’ll finish the damn bottle but i won’t have to like it.  no, siree.

what does it all mean?  it means that the truly hip and delusional are just that, delusional.  they may be hip but like tower of power sang years ago, ‘what is hip? tell me i want to know.’  jumping on the grey goose vodka wagon might be hip but it turns out to be just delusional at best.

are you reading this absolut vodka?  i strayed but i’ve seen the error in my ways.  i’m back and i’m still ready to go on that absolut vodka road trip and be a shill for your fine swill.  call me.  we can work it out.

i’m lucky enough to live in a town where you can recycle stuff the easy way.  you get a blue trash can and load it up with recycle able crap.   stick it out by the curb on trash day and the trash guys come around and dump it.  thus saving valuable space in the landfills for more important stuff like real trash.

i’ve gotten heavily into the trash recycling trip.  i spent years living in places where you couldn’t do that.  years of just going fuck it and throwing whatever into the trash can to be taken away.  mea culpa, as it were.  no, i’m not a global warming the sky is falling kinda guy.  nope not me.  i’m just sayin’ i’m happy as a clam to be doing something about trash.

now if i could only do something about paris hilton and her pink bentley.  but that’s a drift.  i fill my blue trash can up every week with all sorts of stuff from junk mail to used up vino bottles and crapola in between.  i’m happy to do it.  i even load the trunk up with stuff from the brown eyed girl’s place and drag it back here to toss it out in some sort of algore inspired delusional frenzy.  hell, he prolly doesn’t even recycle a damn thing.  wouldn’t surprise me at all.  nope.  he just flies around in his private jet making a gazillion dollars per speech about how we are fucking up the planet and we should be ashamed about that very idea.

hell, i’m more ashamed of the truly hip and delusional.  regular folks will eventually work shit out.  count on it.  the truly hip and delusional never will.  count on that as well.

my point to all this stuff?  do what you can.  do it as often as you can.  it’s as simple as that.  while you’re at it have a very merry christmas eve and day.  i wish you all peace.  may you find it this holiday.

jmh

i know it’s only rock ‘n’ roll…

last night the brown eyed girl and i went out to see our friend, john harrelson perform live at ‘the press’ in claremont.  john is and always will be one of my favorite live performers.  he pulls out all the stops when he gets fired up.  and the packed house had him fired up as you will see from some of the photos.  some folks were so fired up they wanted john so set fire to his guitar ala jimi hendrix.  i for one would love to see that action myself but i doubt john would would use one of his precious babies as fire wood.

if you have never seen john play a live gig you need to do so.  there’s only so much that can come out of a cd.  cds, which are great but live he is something else.  a true performer and entertainer from the old days of traveling black blues artists.  john harrelson delivers what few other folks do, a fine show and even better music. 

thanks, for the music john.  it was stellar as usual.  i’m sorry we had to miss the second set  and the ‘blue highway’ re-union but the brown eyed girl was feeling poorly.  i hope the photos that follow help present what it was like to be there.  please, don’t stop performing live.  we need it.  you do too.

go here: http://cdbaby.com/cd/harrelson

john harrelson at work.  doing what he loves.  making us happy.

mike kreivis~guitar, john~ vocals and guitar, steve rios~drums, brian chapman~stand-up bass.

jmh

a long ago so cal winery with some tv history w/photos

 i’ve been on a so cal winery binge, as it were, the past few days.  i’ve been on it been before.  the last two were old stuff from the vault.  this blog is new stuff and will soon be in that same vault.  i’ve  been wanting to do this blog for a long time.  what made it happen was i finally got serious about finding a few more photos to make the blog more complete.  plus, when we drove by the winery, or what used to be the winery, on christmas day my 93 year old dad told me a story i hadn’t heard before or more than likely had forgotten.

virginia dare winery was one of the staples in the winery making history of so cal and cucamonga to be specific.  it was owned and operated by the garrett and co out of new york city.  they were the folks who bought secundo guasti’s winery in guasti as well.  garrett and co owned them both for a number of years.  they eventually sold out to united fruit co.  who sold out to…yeah, the wine business never was a big money maker.  not like it is today.  well, for a few wineries.

back in the day virgina dare winery was one of those lovely pieces of old california architecture.  you can see that from the photos i found.  the primary eye catcher was the semi sorta almost church like steeple.  today, the old winery is long gone.  it was razed back in the late 70′s and/or in the early 80′s to become a shopping center.  thankfully, the local pols of cuca had enough sense to incorporate the old steeple in the new design.  i wonder if any of the current bunch would have that much sense?  but that’s a veer.

before i forget i need to tell my dad’s story about the place.  after he got out of the army in 1946 he went to work for garrett and co as a carpenter.  he worked in guasti and at the virginia dare winery up in cucamonga.  the winery stood on the northwest corner of route 66 and haven ave.  in those days the area was nothing but vineyards.  it was still nothing but vineyards when i was going to chaffey college back in the late 60′s.  more drifting.

my dad had put a new roof on one of the buildings in guasti.  the bosses thought he had done a bang up job so they wanted him to put a new roof on the virginia dare steeple.  he figured he would have use a ladder to get to the upper windows and then crawl outside one of them somehow and toss a rope over the roof which would have to be anchored to the other side.  then he would have to climb the rope to get up on the roof.  plus how was he going to get the materials up there safely?  he told them he wouldn’t do it.  it was to dangerous.  he stood his ground and he didn’t do the roof or get fired for not doing it.  at any rate, by the middle of the 1950′s virginia dare winery was closed.

the winery’s next claim to fame or at least around these parts occurred in late 1963(?).  the old great tv show ‘combat!’ filmed an episode there.  one of my all time favorite shows and one of my favorite episodes as well, ‘the hunter’.  the episode aired in the second season on 2/25/64.  though on another site they claim it aired in the third season.  the thing about it is, if it was indeed the second season none of my friends or myself would not have been old enough to drive there and visit the filming.  which we did. in the grand scheme of things i guess it really doesn’t matter. 

what does matter is one of the sites says the winery was ‘the mission winery’ in cucamonga not virginia dare.  they also claim the winery is still in business.  like i said, the winery is long gone and the only business going on there now is a small shopping center.  the original place is long gone.

at any rate, it was fun going up to the winery after school to stand outside the chain link fence and watch them film that episode of ‘combat!’.  one evening after the days filming was done a few of my mates followed vic morrow back to the motel he was staying at here in upland.  they just wanted his autograph.  he wasn’t very happy or friendly about being tailed and told them all to fuck off.  oh, well.  as a side light, at one point in time i worked with an ex hollywood stuntman who also did location casting for tv and movie companies.  he found the old virginia dare winery for the ‘combat!’ folks.  i remember an old b/w photo he showed me of him sitting in a lincoln convertible in the courtyard of the old virgina dare winery.

the other virginia dare winery claim to video/tv fame came in 1967 when the tv show ‘the rat patrol’ used the winery and the area around it for an episode.  i’m not sure but i think the episode in question is ‘the fire and brimstone raid’,  season 1 episode 31.  i can’t find any photos or any info on the net about it other than what’s here.  i want to thank my friend, dfr, for reminding me ‘the rat patrol’ filmed an episode at the winery.

by the time “combat!” and ‘the rat patrol’ filmed there the winery was about to fall apart.  it was the perfect setting for a winery that had seen better days before living through a world war 2 ravaged europe.  in it’s last days virginia dare winery became a place for kids to go and smoke dope and other wise party.  which is probably why the city razed the old hauntingly beautiful place.  i miss the winery and all of it’s splendor and history of my youth.

an old virginia dare print ad.

virginia dare winery and the steeple.

an aerial photo of the winery.  route 66 is the road at the bottom of the picture.

more or less what the place looked like during the tv filming. 

a nice shot apparently taken not long after it got it’s new life as a shopping center.  the grapes in the foreground are long gone.

virginia dare winery as it is today.

jmh

saigon holiday, 1971 part 1

i’m re-running this particular series once again. thankfully, they still gets some hits each week. this might make it a bit easier to fiind. thanks for reading.

jmh

long ago in another lifetime i got to spend some time in downtown saigon, south vietnam.  those fun trips were courtesy of uncle sam and you the american tax payer.  you folks and myself included are still paying for those excursions in many ways.  this is a true story about one of my trips into saigon.  there were other adventures in saigon as well but this one was sorta special in a number of ways.

over the years most of you have seen any number of films about the vietnam war.  with the exception of, ‘good morning vietnam’, they were all pretty much your typical war movie.  they were just set in a different time and place with a 60′s and early 70′s pop music soundtrack.  this story is different.  though the soundtrack would be the same.  very loud rock ‘n’ roll.

i think the tale is pretty self explanatory and straight forward.  it could be viewed as a sorta new version of stan and ollie.  though there is a serious side as well but mostly it’s just about two guys that can’t catch a break.  you may see it differently.  just remember this all happened to me in vietnam on one particular trip to saigon.

some of you have seen this story before.  yes, i’m still messing with it.  eventually i might get it right.  i hope you re-read it here.  this is its  first foray into general public viewing circles.  it will appear in several parts.  yes, it is untitled.  there is a title but i decided not to use it here.  plus, i’m not sure i like the title any way.

i suppose i ought to add there is a sorta mature subject matter involved in the story.  if you aren’t mature then don’t read it.  that being said, i’m not your parent.  nor do i want to be.

this story is registered with the writers guild of america, west.

saigon holiday, 1971 part 1

 

i was stationed with macv advisory team 48 in ham tan, south vietnam, from 1970 to 1971, in a signal unit attached to macv(military assistance command vietnam) in order to give them secure communications.  ham tan is 80 miles east southeast of saigon as the crow flies.  the macv compound was an old french mission that was taken over by the u.s. army.  it was and still is located about 3 or 4 klicks (kilometers) from the south china sea.  a fairly nice place relative to other places in vietnam at the time.  as attached signal we didn’t live in the french mission area but in regular vietnam style hooches.  the advisory team, including signal personnel, never numbered more than 50 or 60 soldiers at any time.

by the time i was in vietnam, saigon was off limits due to the usual serviceman’s lust for debauchery.  the military had had enough.  the only personnel allowed in saigon were macv people and military stationed there.  being attached to a macv unit gave us access to saigon.  once cleared with our sargent we just needed to go see the macv clerk or company sargent and they would cut some travel orders for us and off to saigon you went for some sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.  all of this unknown to our signal company and signal battalion headquarters.  they would have frowned upon the very idea.  plus it was illegal for us to be there.  though macv advisory team 48 didn’t really care.

macv advisory teams were a diversified lot.  regular army folk, draftees like me, green berets, cia, and more cia.  the teams had a number of missions as well.  training south vietnamese troops and advising them, running phoenix programs, pru units, and chu hoi programs among other things.  you can google some of the stuff if you are interested.  it would be a good history lesson.  any ways, there were any number of things going on at any one time.

there were only three or four ways you could get to saigon from ham tan.  walk, a very bad idea.  drive, a bit better but not much.  though it was done by us signal personnel.  and that’s a whole other story in itself.  driving from the saigon/bien hoa area or vice versa was at least a four or five hour adventure.  helicopter, wasn’t generally done unless it was an emergency.  or you could take air america, the cia owned and operated air transport system for vietnam, laos, and thailand.  macv would book you a flight, no problem, both ways.  that was because air america flew out to ham tan every day with mail and passengers.  the planes were only 6 seaters with a single large propeller and a rolls royce engine to power it.  they were rated for only 10,000 feet but flew higher to avoid gun fire and artillery.  this made for some interesting flights due to air pockets and the plane being so small.

the air america plane.

a fellow signal mate, i’ll call him bill, and i decided we should go to saigon together.  never having done so as a team.  we would spend the usual three days of getting drunk, smoking dope, and having sex with the bar girls.  a flight was booked and travel orders cut.  a few days before we were scheduled to leave i changed some military script into vietnamese money.  bill said he would opt for doing a deal on the street so he could get a better exchange rate.  by this time military script was illegal tender for the vietnamese as most of it ended up going to north vietnam or so the story went. the day of departure we went out to ham tan’s so called airport early to await our flight to saigon.  ham tan international as we called it.  a piece of crap dirt runway with a wind sock for a control tower and an equally forlorn terminal.

ham tan international airport.

there were only three of us going to saigon that day.  bill, myself, and a macv captain, a black guy, who was going in for business not fun.  i was happy to see that our pilot was one i had flown with a few times before and i thought of him as one of the best.  there was however a co-pilot that day.  something you usually never saw on these particular air america flights.  with the co-pilot seat empty you could sit up front with the pilot.  i did it once and only once.  i’m not pilot material.  nor do i care for heights. we boarded, the wind sock checked and off we went.  at this point it becomes clear why there is a co-pilot.  he’s a new guy and the old vet is checking out his flying skills.

sitting in the passenger section of those planes gave you an unobstructed view of the cockpit.  the new guy revs her up and begins the take off.  only thing is the plane is bouncing like a ball down the dirt runway.  the bounces kept getting bigger and bigger.  so much so it was obvious we were in big trouble.  the old hand grabs the controls of the plane moments before we run out of runway and careen into certain disaster.  he then miraculously gets us airborne while yelling all the time at the new guy.  the black captain, who was very black, was a nice shade of gray at this point.  i was ready to jump.  but it was only the beginning. the plane got off the ground and up into the clouds and air pockets, made even more hair raising with the new guy at the controls.  instead of the usual several hundred foot drops we were dropping several thousand feet with lots of yelling coming from the cockpit.

we finally made it in one piece to tan son nhut air base in saigon.  the new guy is bringing us in for the landing.  at about 30 feet or so off the ground the air traffic controller radios that a plane load of dead bodies is coming in and they have priority.  we were being waved off.  the old hand grabs the controls and makes this amazing left turn while he flips the plane over on it’s back.  yeah.  we flew upside down at 30 feet or so over most of the air base.  simply amazing.  bill and i about crapped our pants.  the black captain had turned white.

after the hair raising turn we go back for another try at landing.  the new guy back at the controls.  this time the guy can’t get the plane on the ground.  this is a huge runway due to jets, bombers, transports, etc.  however, he’s fast running out of runway and he can’t get the plane below 10 feet.  there’s only a few yards of runway left when the old vet grabs the controls, yet again, and dumps us on the ground like a stone.  i suppose it was either that or another left with a flip over deal again.  i don’t think he was up for another one of those.  his passengers sure as hell weren’t.

we were a long way from the air america terminal.  during the entire taxi ride to the place its more yelling up in the cockpit.  we get to air america and what’s waiting for us are the dead bodies in their body bags nicely lined up on the tarmac.  the perfect ending to a memorable flight.  the old vet pilot felt sorry for bill and i so he gave us a ride in his personal car to our hotel.  it was out of the guy’s way but he figured he owed us.  a very nice gesture indeed.

tan son nhut air base from the air.

story registered with the writers guild of america, west.

jmh

saigon holiday, 1971 part 2

the saigon, circa 1971, true story continues.

saigon holiday, 1971 part 2

the hotel we decided upon was the caravelle.  the place where all the reporters stayed while in saigon.  plus, we had heard the ladies up on the roof were amazing.  the only trouble is they threw us out.  we weren’t officers or reporters.  just lowly draftees.  so we caught a cab and went to a hotel both of us had stayed in on previous saigon trips.  a decent enough place but not the caravelle.

we arrive at the hotel and check in. the hotel staff are not pleased with the sight of bill’s .38 pistol and low slung holster.  give it to us.  no.  this goes back and forth for a bit but in the end they let him keep the pistol.  we unload stuff in our rooms then head off to get more vietnamese money.  i wanted to go to the uso for my exchange and bill still wanted to go for the street deal.  who’s going to fuck with us?, he says.  i have a 38.  ok fine, but first we go to the uso.   another mad cab ride in one of the ubiquitous old yellow and blue renaults.  they were always mad dashes in those old dented wrecks.

saigon traffic, 1971.  note one of the blue and yellow taxis on the left of photo.

the uso in saigon, a sadder place on earth would be hard to imagine.  the place was totally depressing.  it was as if someone had tossed a wet blanket over saigon.  none the less, i got my money changed.  we head back out on the street and bill searches for the rate he wants, the perfect deal.

there were plenty of saigon cowboys to wheel and deal with.   however, before he got around to his money exchange he buys a watch from one of the cowboys on the street.  the amazing thing was he was conned into buying the watch with gi money.  bottom line, it was an incredibly stupid deal but what could i say?  he wouldn’t have listened anyway.  equally amazing is neither of us was drunk or stoned yet.

bill finally finds the rate he wants from some other sleazy saigon cowboy and the guy says, follow me.   the guy leads us around and around and we end up at the opening of this very dark alley.  dark and it’s the middle of the afternoon.  bill says, hey, we aren’t going in there and remember i have a gun.  the guys says, ok wait here.  then he splits.  when he returns he shows bill a roll of vietnamese money wrapped up in a tight roll with a rubber band around the roll.  bill takes the money, looks it over carefully and says it’s all there.  somehow the guy gets the roll back.  bill then hands him his money.  the saigon cowboy hands bill back the roll then poof he’s outta there.  he runs down the alley while yelling something about mp’s(military police) but there aren’t any around.  bill checks out the roll and finds that only the two outer bills are large denominations.  the rest of them are just ones.  useless vietnamese ones.  about the only thing they were good for would be toilet paper.  bill just got ripped off for two or three hundred bucks.

we are in saigon for three days and now half of our money is gone and   there’s nothing we can do.  no idea where the cowboy went and even if we did it would have been suicide to try and get the cash back.  the cops?  yeah, right.  no way.  street money exchanges were illegal.  so it’s another mad taxi ride back to our hotel then up to the hotel’s top floor for some booze, smoke, women, and hopefully solace.

roof top view from one of the old saigon hotels.  maybe even the hotel where the story takes place.

all the hotels i ever stayed in while in saigon were pretty much the same. the top floor elevator doors opened into something that must have been experienced to fully appreciate.  at least a dozen or more ladies converging on the elevator doors as they opened.  just another insane saigon scene.  all of the ladies trying to grab your private parts at the same time.   grabbing your privates trying to get your attention in hopes of making a ‘connection’ as it were.

we weren’t in the the mood for that action just yet.   we shooed the ladies away and went to the bar for some drinks.  after a few drinks we were more in the mood for the ladies.  we make a connection and two of them sit at the table.  more drinks are ordered.  after a few more rounds the ladies said they were hungry and they wanted us to buy them dinner in the hotel cafe.  by this time we were drunk enough to agree.  hamburgers all around.  some mystery meat that reeked of god knows what.  amazingly we didn’t get sick.

after dinner it was more drinking and scoring some smoke for later.  at some point, and to this day i still have no idea how it happened, my ‘date’ got a hold of my wallet.  things had been bad but were about to get dire in an instant.  yelling about the deal would only have gotten us tossed out of the place.  then it would have been, no room, no sex, no money, no nothing.  when i got my wallet back there was only enough money left to pay for the services of the two ladies for the night.  meaning around $40 or so.  at least we were drunk and about to get loaded with our dates then have some more fun.  tomorrow’s problems were the furthest thing from our minds.

saigon night life, 1971.

that night passed blissfully.  the early morning as well.  while the two ladies shower up bill and i met and wondered just what we are going to do.  now broke and no one to turn to for a loan.  we were stuck in saigon for two more days with no money.  a very sad prospect.

bill’s lady turns out to be a hooker with a heart of gold.  sorta.  she gave us $5 in military money.  then said, that’s enough for breakfast at a boq and a cab ride back to air america.  boq, bachelor officer quarters. a boq but any soldier could go into any mess hall in nam and eat for a very nominal fee or for free.  viets knew air america as they could fly it as well.  sometimes.

we were so happy we could shit.  after the ladies left bill did just that.  a huge turd that refused to be flushed.  a turd the likes of which neither of us had ever seen.  we found the mamasan and she sent some old woman to get the turd to flush.  the old woman was not happy as waved her shit stick about.  cursing in loud vietnamese the old lady finally got the turd to flush.  mamasan then tells us to get out.  she already knew we had no more money.  it was goodbye and get the fuck out of here, gi.

story registered with the writers guild of america, west.

jmh

saigon holiday, 1971 part 3

this is the final chapter of the saigon trip.  i hope you enjoy it as much as the other two chapters.  i want to thank all of you for reading.  i appreciate it very much.

saigon holiday, 1971  part 3

we had to get a cab to the nearest boq.  way too hung over, plus too hot and humid to walk.  after an overly zealous breakfast and along with the cab fare we were broke again.  two more days in saigon and no money give us an idea of sorts.  finally.  grab a cab to air america.  catch a flight and just go back to ham tan.   this means stiffing the cabbie at the gate but we are too broke to care.  we caught a cab and it deposited us at the air base entrance.  we bolt and run like rabbits.  the cabbie to old to catch us and he’s unarmed.

main entrance, tan son nhut air base.

feeling better about things we hit the air america terminal and ask about a flight back to ham tan.  we are told nothing is available for the next two days.  the only flight we can get is the one we had already booked two days down the road.  sleeping on the floor of the cia owned and operated airline for two nights is not allowed.  probably not even for five minutes.  the cia doesn’t run flop houses.

there’s a soldier in the air america terminal who hears of our plight.  he tells us to go to the chopper pad about half a mile away and see if we can hitch a chopper ride back to ham tan.  this lifts our spirits as it’s still early morning.  however, by noon we are beginning to realize we were stuck.  no chopper rides today.

the heli-port at tan son nhut.

we seem doomed to some sort of living nightmare.  when out of the blue this vietnamese army guy with a jeep walks up and says, you guys want a ride?  yes.  where to?  ham tan.  no way, way to dangerous.  so bill comes up with a plan.  i’ll give you this watch if you take us to bien hoa.  we figure we can stay in our company area and go unnoticed for a few days and somehow manage to get back to saigon for our flight back to ham tan.  the guy says, let me see the watch.  of course he doesn’t want it as it’s total junk and had already stopped running.  so no ride.  the viet then says, hey you guys got ration cards?  yeah, we have ration cards.  virgin ones.

you see with ham tan being out in the nowhere boonies the army gave you smokes for free and there was booze on the compound.  you didn’t need to use the ration cards.  so they stayed virgin.  this changed later but at the time it was so.

with that information the viet’s eyes light up.  he says, ok, i give you money.  then we go to the px(post exchange) and you buy all the cigarettes and beer on the cards for this month.  then i’ll take you to bien hoa.

this was actually a mother load for the viet.  the black market value for all the smokes and beer was a nice hefty amount of coin in any man’s language.  having learned a lot in the past day or so we say, nah, for all that you take us to ham tan.  once again, no way, too dangerous.  ok.  we counter with, xuan loc, which is about half way to ham tan.  we know a few guys there and we figure we can spend the night and worry about tomorrow later.  ok, deal, says the viet.  with that it’s off to px we go.

after wards we load the guy up with the smokes and beer.  he then says, ok now we go to bien hoa, driving to xuan loc is too dangerous.   we counter with, ok.  we’ll throw in the junk watch and you don’t get shot right here and right now.  and we go to xuan loc.  the viet takes the watch and drives us the forty miles or so to xuan loc.

an aerial view of xuan loc.

it was late afternoon by the time we got to xuan loc.  the viet guy bitching the whole way.  he dropped us off at another macv advisory team compound and went off to find a place to spend the night.  we ate some dinner, watched a movie, then slept in guy’s bunks that were working the overnight shift in the commo(communication) bunker.

there aren’t many mosquitoes in ham tan.  the beach and all.  too dry or something for mosquitoes even in the monsoon season.  however, in xuan loc they were thick and nasty.  the smell of fresh meat drove them particularly insane that night.  even with mosquito netting they were relentless.  waking up in the morning we found that our sheets were spotted with blood.  our blood.  spotted from rolling over in our semi sleep and squashing the little sated bastards into the sheets.   the guys came in looked at their now blood spotted sheets and were not happy.  xin loi, sorry about that.  it was time for breakfast and planning.  something.  anything.

someone at breakfast suggested we hit the chopper pad and talk to the
air traffic controller.  we say that didn’t work in saigon.  we are told not to worry.  so off we go to the chopper pad.  a very busy place.  even busier than saigon.  you see, in xuan loc there is a war going on.  the air traffic controller tells us ham tan is no sweat.  unless the chopper is on a medivac or a mission, he’ll have them come in and pick us up, for he is the lord of this air space.

a portion of xuan loc international airport.

not long after that a chopper lands and we are pointed to it and told to hop right in.  well, of course the chopper is already full and i have to sit with one leg out in space while i hang on to the door frame.  all this while trying not to get in the door gunner’s way.  my first chopper ride and when it was over i would never want another.  we didn’t know if the pilot was unhappy about being made to pick us up or if he was trying to avoid shit on the ground.  we never found out.  none the less, it was an even worse ride than the flight to saigon on air america.  hard to believe but true.

ham tan in sight.  finally home again.  that’s how it felt.  it always did.  we get back to the compound and everyone is surprised to see  us back so early.  before we can explain why in walks our company commander with the executive officer and first sargent in tow.  we of course are counting our blessings.  thanking everyone from god and buddha to swami vishnu the air controller didn’t flag down their helicopter.  finally some good luck or so it would seem.

this is indeed a rare visit as the company commander never came out to ham tan.  it was too dangerous for him.  he always sent the executive officer out on pay days or for whatever.  but today he’s in ham tan and feeling fine.  noticing bill he says, hold on there lad.  we were trying to get out of the bunker.  is that a .38 special you have there?   first sargent, write him up for that unauthorized weapon, and that boonie hat as well.  yes, sir.  for you see, macv didn’t care what kind of weapon you carried as long as it worked and you could shoot it.  the rest of the military were locked solid into the bullshit.  hats were the same with macv as well.  some other units too but not our signal unit.  as bill was getting reamed i sidled out of the bunker before someone decided to go off on me.  off to the hootch, my bunk, and home for some much needed sleep.

fini

the photos in the story were just taken from various places on the net.  googled, in other words.  i want to thank whoever for having them on the net for me to find and use.  i’m not making any money on this deal so i suppose it might be ok.  any the ways, thanks again to whoever, the photos added to the story.

i used to have photos taken in nam.  even a few from saigon.  those i lost long ago.  moving frenzies being what they are.  frantic.  i also had some photos of ham tan and the advisory team.  those are now being cataloged at texas tech university and their vietnam center and archive.  at some point you will be able to be view them on line in the archive.  you should visit that site: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/ i think it’s the best vietnam archive in the country.

yeah, i know the ending is sorta anti-climatic.  it was what it was.  all in all, i think it’s a good story.  thanks for reading.

this story/idea is registered with the writers guild of america, west.

jmh

turn and face the strange or cha…cha…changes (?)

i find it interesting our new president wants leon panetta to be his cia director.  actually it sorta has me a bit flummoxed.  i just don’t see it and hopefully those on the hill won’t see it either.  yeah, i know this is sorta like beating a (hopefully) dead horse but what can i say?

yes, the guy has been around and is more or less a hack like all the other hacks that make a living being a hack in washington, dc.  thing is he has no credentials to be director of the cia other than he’s a re-tread hack and he may or may not have actually read all of tom clancy’s novels.  any the ways, he’s an unqualified hack.  so much for change.  that goes for the others in the cabinet as well.  but that’s for another time.  perhaps.  if mr. panetta is confirmed i imagine his first day on the job would go something like this.

good morning, mr. panetta.  welcome to the cia.  would you care for a cup of coffee, sir?

good morning.  why, yes i would.  thank you.

mr. panetta is given his cup of coffee. 

then he says, i’d like to look around and perhaps have a meeting with  senior personnel in an hour or two.

of course, sir.  no problem, sir.  i’ll start working on that right away, sir.  would you like to see your office now, sir?

yes, please.

right this way, sir.     

as the the aide and leon walk down a hallway they chat amicably.  a bit further down the hall they stop in front of a door.  the aide opens the door and with that mr. panetta and his coffee are ushered into a broom closet.  he’s gently pushed inside and the door is closed and locked behind him. 

hey, what’s going on here!

nothing, sir.  if you feel around a bit you’ll find a chair and a light switch.  there are a few magazines and a porta potty as well.  lunch will be served at noon.  daily.  and you’ll be let out at 5pm.  daily.  we hope you’ll be comfortable, sir.  please, try not to make a scene.  now, we have work to do.  just don’t get any ideas.  capice?

yeah, that’s probably how it will go.  that is if we’re lucky because he’s no ‘wild’ bill donovan.  then who is? 

wild bill donovan.

 

jmh

excuse me(?)

the brown eyed girl does volunteer tax preparation at a senior center here in so calif.  she keeps badgering me about taking the course and doing the volunteer work with her.  i always say no.  mainly because my math skills are from like caveman days and i’d probably end up sending some poor old granny to jail by screwing up her tax return.  the brown eyed girl says not to worry, things are checked.  i would worry and i wouldn’t enjoy it.  trust me.

at any rate, she was going over some stuff late last week the irs had sent her in an email.  new stuff for the current tax year.  or april 15th of this year.  or some damn thing or another. 

seems that i could or you could get a tax rebate or something cause i or you maybe bought some damn new place last year during the time the offer is being offered.  yeah, that makes about as much sense as the irs does. 

any the ways, seems i or you can get in on some of the business bail-out dough.  sweet jesus.  come to poppa!  except the thing is the good old congress is making us regular tax paying law abiding normal working stiff back bone of the nation pay it back!!!!!  yep, i or you, can cash in but…we have to pay it back. 

every other stooge business ass hole is lining up for some cash money bail-out dough.  which they don’t have to fucking pay back.  i see it in the paper every damn day.  oh, lehman bros went out of business.  it cost us a pile.  please, send bail-out money, uncle sam.  i’ll tell you what, that’s what you get for trusting wall street and or the government for that matter.

larry flint and the porn industry want bail-out cash too.  why not?  i guess there’s a dearth of boners since the ‘first’ crash.  apparently not even larry and his semi sorta professional hardcore porn can even get broke dicks up.  so now he wants money because his sales are down.  just like gm or ford or another damn business in the country.  except for maybe the fire arms and ammo folks.

every swinging dick in the country and those sans said swinging dick want cash money bail-out money post bleeding haste.  they will all probably get it.  then they can spend it on re-treats in vegas complete with vintage china white smack and high dollar high end hookers if they damn well want to.  oh, yeah, there’s gonna be over sight.  yeah, right, and i have bridges in nyc i can sell you.  wholesale.

you and me?  we might get some bail-out cash if we jump through the hoops just right and meet all the small print crapola.  then by god, we get to pay it back!!!  interest free of course but what the fuck point is that?  sure we could go to vegas and blow our cash money from uncle sam too.

but the thing is we won’t be getting billions let alone millions.  we would only be entitled to up to like around $170,000 for the home buying rebate deal.  then it might not even be in cash money to blow on loose women and heavy duty drugs in vegas.  let alone enough for doubling down on a pair of deuces at the black-jack table in some sort of smack/alcohol induced purple haze.  yeah.  that’s right!!  it might be just pretend irs money and some sort of other gobbly goop irs mumbo jumbo stuff but the bottom line is you gonna have to pay it back!!! 

it turns out to be just another bill you will have every damn month until it is paid back.  why on earth would you even consider the deal?  also, it wouldn’t surprise me if in the very very small print of this rebate whatever tax deal you avoided by using this useless rebate would also mean you would have to pay it as well.  plain language?  the damn tax you avoided with the rebate will probably be due as well!! 

the irs being what it is would probably charge you interest on the avoidance beginning from whatever time it was you realized you could actually afford to buy a home beginning last year and up until the time it became clear you were probably lucky you did and even more so don’t have a mortgage on the new digs.  yeah, god bless the irs and uncle sam.  

damn, i guess i’m just getting old.  that must be it.  i guess i ought to send my congressman a nice bouquet of flowers and a few $20′s for getting me this little bon mot fucking piece of shit bonbon pay it back you dumb  sucker supposed bail-out cash table scrap for the the backbone of this once great nation. 

crap, i need a potato sack full of that useless monopoly money or wiemar republic money or what used to be know as legal tender, so i can go to the store and buy a loaf of bread.  that is if any of them are still in business.

for the history impaired here’s a nice graph of what went down in the wiemar republic back in the day.  the shape of thingsto come?

wake-up america before it’s too damn late.

jmh

a parable(?)

a friend of mine sent me this in an email.  i didn’t write it.  i have no idea where it comes from or who wrote it.  if i’m not mistaken it’s been around for a number of years.  due to the current sticky situation i think it bears repeating.  yeah, the ‘ c ‘ word used.  however, you could also substitute the ‘ f ‘ word.  doesn’t really matter much.   once your soul is lost it’s lost, well in this regard any ways. 

 
Catching Wild Pigs,  author unknown.

A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.The professor asked the young man what was the matter.

The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country, while they were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, ‘Do you know how to catch wild pigs?’

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punchline. The young man said this was no joke. ‘You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming.

When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening  to America. The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as corporate bail outs, supplemental income, tax credit for20unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms — just a little at a time.

If you see that all of this wonderful government ‘help’ is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut!

“A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have.”

    Thomas Jefferson

 

wake up, America.

jmh
 

time for something completely different

here’s a couple of things i stuck up elsewhere under a semi sorta nom de plume, kwayla kitty.   it’s family friendly stuff and rated: G.   unlike my usual insanity.  i hope you enjoy it.

jmh

Hello 

Hi, everyone.  Some of you are already my friend and I do appreciate that a whole lot.  Really I do.  

I think my main writing problem will be trying to stay awake long enough for me to get something typed.  I type pretty good for a cat, huh?  any way, just remember I’m just a little kitty who got lucky and got rescued a long time ago by my mom.   Now my mom has a new friend and he’s way cool cause he plays with me a lot.  I like him but sometimes I have to bite him.  Hard.  Cause I’m weird at times and I like the taste of man blood.

So I hope you read this and make me happy.  I’m already happy casue I have  a nice mom and dad.  But if i get me some readers I’ll be pleased as punch.

Meow for now,

Kwayla

P.S.  I know where the good canned cat stuff is in the kitchen.  But I can’t get to it on my own.  If you can help out in that regard let me know.  Most of the time I just get the dry stuff.  Yucky!!!

 

My Weekend 

I had a pretty good weekend considering I didn’t get any good cat food.  Again.  I really don’t know what it is but I guess a girl can’t catch a break.  Feline wise any how.  I also got yelled at quite a bit by mom over the weekend. 

I was just doing my usual kitty stuff but I suppose she wasn’t amused.  Neither was dad but he didn’t yell as much.  We’re buddies and buddies stick together.  That is unless he needs a good chunk taken out of his forearm by my razor sharp teeth.  Only I know when that is liable to happen.  However, I must say he is getting much much quicker.  I may need to forget this buddy stuff and work on my kitty warfare tactics some more.

Mom and dad went to a cooking demonstration at a local winery for lunch on Saturday.  Not me I had to stay home.  I think maybe they were being too cheap to add me to the festivities.   But then I never get to go any where any ways.  Sigh.  The sad fate of most cats every where these days They said they had a nice time.  And that the food was pretty darn good.  Plenty of vino to swill as well.  Lucky them.  I have always wondered what vino tastes like.  Something else nobody seems to care if I ever get the chance to do or try. I’ve come close I guess.  Dad and mom like to blow their wine breathe in my face.  I suppose the fumes are pretty much like what it tastes like.  Though I really don’t know.

I do know that I love feet.  People feet to be exact.  Smelling clean or dirty ones.  It makes no difference to me.   I like to smell mom’s feet then bite her toes or foot.  I guess that was what all the yelling was about.  I’m just a little kitty and I can’t help it.  Sue me, as dad is apt to say.

I hope you guys had a nice weekend too.  See you gators laters.  The front door is open and I hear little birds on the patio.

Meow for Now,

Kwayla

 

kwayla kitty

jmh
 

time for something completely different part 2

Here’s some more of the nom de plum stuff.   

jmh

 

The Week Plods On 

I’ve been a big pest around these parts for the past day or two.  Mom asked dad if he would take me to their other place with him.  Dad said no.  Mom said she would help me get the request in writing and make it more official for dad to take me away from mom for a few days.   Dad still said no.   Plus he’s been very busy playing his new wii nine ball pool game.  No time for cleaning up after kitties.  Or so he thinks.

See, I make throw-up messes and other stuff around the house and dad wants no part of that action in his still new place.  Or my mom’s other place.  What I don’t understand is they have two places to hang out.  Me?  I’m stuck here.  In fact stuck here at times with no one to bother or other wise piss off with my kitty type antics.  Is it any wonder I’m a big pain in the neck when some one is here at this place?  I’m thinking probably not. 

 
Dad is coming over here for tonight and the next night.  I would bite him as soon as he gets here but I miss him and he’ll probably play with me or other wise chase me around the house for a while after he gets here. I also heard mom and dad talking about some big deal outing this coming Friday morning.  I need to make plans.  Big kitty plans and some sort of stow-a-way deal in dad’s car so I can go with them.   Shhhh!  They won’t suspect a thing.

Meow for now.

Kwayla

 

A Kitty Road Trip(?)

If you recall mom and dad were going to go on a visit this past Friday.  They were going to go visit a famous painter’s studio and look at his paintings.  Mr. John Budicin’s work to be exact.  Well, I of course needed to tag along but I wasn’t invited.  That’s pretty much standard for any and all outings my folks go on.  The last thing I hear when they leave is: “You’re in charge Kwayla.”  Harrumph.  Not this time.

I had my little knapsack packed and ready to go.  All I needed was to get into the garage and hide out until mom and dad got in the car.  I would sneak into the car and hide in the back seat keeping very quiet till they got to Mr. Budicin’s studio.  Then I would be like:  “Surprise!!! Here I am!!! Let’s go look at the paintings! 

Getting into the garage is pretty easy.  I do that all the time because they always leave the big screen door open when they go out there.  It’s a sorta no brain-er to wander through the garage smelling all the cool smells and stuff.  That is until someone notices me and yells for me to go back inside the house.  This time that wasn’t going to happen.  No one would see me until I wanted them to see me.

It was getting close to the time for mom and dad to leave.  I was sitting on the back of the couch looking outside and pretending not to notice anything.  Dad went out to the garage and left the screen open as usual.  Mom was in the bedroom finishing her make up stuff.  The perfect opportunity.  I grabbed my knapsack from behind the magazine rack and headed out into the garage as well.

Dad didn’t see me and I hid behind one of the trash cans.  It was hard for me not to start sniffing around because all the smells were sorta over powering me.  Not unlike Homer Simpson and donuts.  I resisted the urge to sniff around and just sat there sniffing the back of the trash can.  It was pretty good smelling so it wasn’t too hard to wait there.
 
Dad put some stuff in the car then went back into the house.  But I didn’t get a chance to sneak into the car.  A minute or two later mom and dad came out after telling me I was in charge.  Dad got mom in the car and closed the door.  I was beginning to realize that I hadn’t actually thought the whole deal through.  I was about to be left behind.  Again.  Left behind this time in the garage and in the dark for who knows how long.  Something I hadn’t counted on. 

I was about to have a panic attack.  Something that happens when I hear odd stuff or dad makes this weird noise and I come running thinking I may have to do CPR on him.  He and mom think it’s funny.  I don’t.  But that’s another story.

Anyway, how could they just leave and not check around to see if I was still in the house?   How could I be in charge if I wasn’t even in the house?  Suddenly going on a kitty road trip became a very very bad idea.  Things were spiraling out of control.  They were leaving and I was going to be stuck in the garage.  Sure, I had my knapsack but it was the first time I’d ever packed it and I only put in a couple of pieces of dry cat food.  What did I know about stuff?  Not much obviously.
 
The car was leaving and the garage door was coming down.  I came out from my hiding place but they didn’t see me.  The door was almost all the way down when I barely made it outside.

Now what?  I’d been outside a few times and it was sorta ok.  Ok because I knew I could just go to the front door and somebody would let me back in. This time was different.  If that stupid poodle from a few houses down was out I’d be in big trouble.  I had to do something fast.

Thankfully, the house next door had the garage door open a little bit.  I know the lady who lives there and she has a key to my house so she can take care of me when mom goes away for more than a day or two.  So I just went into her garage and sat by the back door and kitty cried until she found me. 
 
I was never so happy to see her.  She was pretty surprised to see me too.  Especially when she saw my knapsack.  She thought I was running away from home and I just got scared and came back.  I let her believe that.  I didn’t want her to know exactly what was going on.  It was better that that way.  She’s a nice lady and I made her promise not to say anything to mom and dad.  She said ok and took me back to my house.  Boy, oh boy.  I was one happy kitty after that.  I made myself a sorta promise not to try that again.  Well, not anytime soon.

Mom and dad had a nice time at the painter’s studio looking at all of his nice oil paintings.  Mr. Budicin told them to come back anytime they wanted to.  That was very nice of him.  To bad I didn’t get a chance to meet him.  Maybe next time.

J. Filippi Winery,  an oil by John Budicin. 

The rest of my weekend was just the usual.  I left some throw up for mom and dad on Sunday morning.  Just to show them how much I love them.  Aren’t I good kitty? 
 
Meow for now,

Kwayla  

Kwayla kitty

jmh

the doom of gloom(?)

the impending collapse of everything we know and love is still upon us.  our new president would have us all belly up to the washington dc bar and order up a double shot of my baby’s love.  no, wait that’s an old song by the mccoys.  sorry.  but it might not be a bad idea any the ways.  at least it or that will keep you warm and distracted for a spell.  something we all might need. 

the latest stimulus package party is still being catered by the chinese.  we are running up one hellacious bill with those folks, my friends.  one needs to wonder when that bill is going to come due and just what the fuck we are going to have to do to get out from under the bill.

it’s not unlike running up a massive visa or mastercard bill then playing the slip and slide with their ‘no interest’ money to pay off one bill or a portion of the bill or another bill.  all the while saying to yourself, i’ll pay them off eventually.  thing is most folks never do who find themselves in that sorta trap.  of course, there’s always bankruptcy.  however, the way i was raised that ain’t an option.  but i digress.

sure, uncle sam isn’t or can’t go insolvent and declare bankruptcy.  he can just continue to print money.  more money for more bailouts.  hell, he can even bail himself out while sending us to the poor house with piles of useless monopoly money.  yes, i’m on that riff again.  maybe if i and a few others keep it up somebody will start listening and/or pay attention. 

kids, the titanic is sinking.  the nimrods in dc can toss all the money they want at the sinking ship of state but it ain’t gonna stop the water from rushing in and the ship from sinking. 

most of the pols in washington are like the pols here in california.  oh, the school system sucks.  i know.  let’s throw more money at it.  we’ll give em bushel baskets full of cash.  that will fix things.  no, it hasn’t.  the vast majority of kids are still morons and the fools they send the money to pour gas on it, set it on fire, then they ask for more money.

money for nothing and your chicks for free.  that might as well be the new u s of a motto.  because that’s what all this amounts to.  no more ‘in god we trust’ or ‘e pluribus unum’ or any of the other latin phrases that appear on our monopoly money. 

what follows has been around for a while.  a friend sent it to me in an email.  i didn’t write it and i have no idea who did.  but it’s one of those things that rings of truth and pain…

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4
years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
(symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many
morons.

wake up, america.

jmh

a state of mind(?)

i’ve carried this one over from one of my other places.

seems myspaced out is having more of their ususal problems

 today.  i can’t stick up any links or urls or photos.  fine. 

 screw it.  now i have this print.  whatever.

drifting along here…i had been saving all of my crv(calif

redemtion value) plastic stuff since i moved in here.  like 6

months worth.   my shed was pretty much full of plastic
 
bottles.  i took the stuff to the re-cycle center and it was a

pain in the ass.  loading and unloading all of the shit.  bottom

line is i got $20.60 for my troubles. 

i went to the market and purchased $30 worth of decent calif

cabernet with my ‘winnings’.  i won’t be doing that anymore. 
 
screw it.  the stuff is going in the trash re-cycle bin from now

on.

i’m going to go wash my car now and maybe pull a few weeds

or spray the damn things.   i need the zen work out.  damn

near desperately.

 
a friend sent me what appears below.  it comes from the l.a.

times.   i’m actually surprised they let it get through the

editing process.  

 
we here in the land of the la las have know this for ages.   this

 dumb ass state spends a bazillion dollars on illegals every

 year.  various governators have tried their best to get the feds
to help out.  the feds refuse.  then tell the stae we have to

support them.
the illegals are breaking federal law but the feds are too damn

busy trying to give money away for and to every other damn

 thing on the planet.   something is rotten in the ship of state,

 my friends.  read on macduff…
 
1. 40% of all workers in L. A. County ( L. A. County has 10.2 million people) are working for cash and not paying taxes. This is because they are predominantly illegal immigrants working without a green card.

2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.

3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.

4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.

5. Nearly 35% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here illegally.

6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.

7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.

8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.

9. 21 radio stations in L. A. are Spanish speaking.

10. In L. A. County 5.1 million people speak English, 3.9 million speak Spanish.

(All 10 of the above are from the Los Angeles Times)

Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare. Over 70% of the United States annual population growth (and over 90% of California, Florida, and New York) results from immigration.  29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.


We are a bunch of fools for letting this continue
wake up, america.
 
jmh

i’ll pass on the kool aid

i sort of touched on this yesterday in a comment or something.  i guess it bears repeating. 

i was more than willing to give our new president the benefit of the doubt and just let him do his thing.  then i’d make some sort of decision about the guy somewhere down the road.  somewhere down the road is already here.

he’s pissed me off.  already.  i was never a fan of the last guy.  not by a long shot.  i really didn’t care for his dad that much either.  though i proudly display a letter from said dad in the living room.

anyway, back to the new guy.  first off his very first tv interview was on arab tv.  excuse me?  i guess i’m just a bit to old school for that kind of stupid move.  but then what do i know? 

then there’s the sanctimonious stuff oozing about him.  he comes off more sanctimonious than algore on a bad day.  i just can’t take it.  sorry.  it was the feeble attempt at humor and his comparison of dc and chicago weather that got that me going on that angle.  gawd, please send us adlai again.  he was a barrel of laughs compared to this guy.  ah, no.  scratch that.  this guy is adlai incarnate.  one was more than enough, thanks anyways.

we also have the stimulus package that is just so full of pork and dubious crap that it’s unfathomable why any sane person would want it to come to pass.

next, and i missed this one when it hit the bricks, was his statement that republicans should stop listening to rush limbaugh.  for some sort of vague non-partisan reasons i guess.  ok.  i stopped listening to rush years ago.  i just couldn’t take him any more.  say what you want about rush and it might be true.  i just don’t care.  but nobody tells me who or what not to listen to be it political thoughts or whatever.  that would also include reading material.

i mean what if i were the new guy and told you not to listen to al franken or barbara streisand or any number of their ilk.  you’d call me a nazi like you called the last guy.  the last guy wasn’t a nazi.  he just wasn’t very bright.  the new guy is bright.  he should know better.  then again i guess not.  either that or it’s just a glimpse of the shit to come.  i think it’s the latter.      

i put up with bubba and his antics.  at least he was entertaining in some sort of odd train wreck kind of a way.  the new guy?  no, thanks.  i’ll pass.  the kool aid?  you drink it.

i pounded this out last night.  i wasn’t really sure that if in the semi light of the new day i would still want to publish it.  yeah, i might as well. 

i think it’s a wonderful thing a black person has been elected to the office.  though i can’t help but wonder if maybe willie mays, hank aaron, tiger woods, joe morgan, charlie sifford, lee elder, joe ‘the jet’ perry and a slew of others may have filled the bill a bit better. 

the chicago political machine rolls on.  much to the dismay of any number of us.   

wake up, america.

jmh

time for something completely different part 3

more nom de plume stuff.

jmh

 

East Wind Go Away…

And come again some way way other day.  It hasn’t been a whole lot of fun around these parts since…what?…Monday morning?  The Santa Ana winds have been blowing off and on for way too long.  Blowing all kinds of annoying stuff up around and into our breathing spaces.
 
Dad woke up Monday morning sneezing and all clogged up.  His nose.  Not the other kind.  He was miserable.  He didn’t even have much fun playing with me because he kept sneezing and blowing his nose.  Finally he told mom he was leaving.  Hoping his sneezing and blowing and thumping headache would go away if he went to his place where the wind wasn’t as bad. 
 
Well, he says it did though he still has the headache off and on.  I wonder if I have sinus headaches?  Or allergies.  Now mom has what ever it is the wind is blowing around.  She isn’t in any mood to hang with me.  Or do any of our other stuff together.  She’s miserable.  Stuffed up with a sneezing sinus headache too.
 
I’ve heard her talking on the phone with dad and they wonder if they have become allergic to me.  Oh, my goodness!!!  I certainly hope not.  Though dad is fairly certain it’s just something from somewhere that the devil winds have stirred up and deposited here in Cucamonga and our house in particular.
    
Mom was sorta feeling better this morning but not really.  Dad was supposed to come over and they were gonna hang some new pictures and I was gonna play with dad and have lots of kitty fun.  Well, mom wasn’t in the mood for picture hanging let alone me or dad. So he’s over where ever he is still and I’m stuck here with a crabby mommy.  Oh, well.  I know I’m loved any ways.

I heard mom tell dad if she isn’t better tomorrow she was going to hang out with dad at their other place all day.  Yeah, where ever it is.  Which means I’m stuck again and probably won’t get to see dad till Super Bowling Sunday.  That’s when they are gonna grill hot dogs and watch the big game.  Maybe I’ll get some canned food.

Boy, I sure hope that’s still the plan.  I miss everybody. 
 
Meow for Now!!

Kwayla

cemetery escort duty

a friend of mine sent me this in an email.  it’s another one of those things by an unknown author.  whether it’s true or not really doesn’t matter much.  it sings and hits notes all on it’s own.  for those that are wondering…yes, it did.

jmh

Cemetery Escort Duty 

I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey’s.  Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 1655.  Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day.  Full dress was hot in the August sun.   Oklahoma summertime was as bad as ever–the heat and humidity at the same level–both too high.

I saw the car pull into the drive, ’69 or ’70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new.  It pulled into the parking lot at a snail’s pace.  An old woman got out so slow I thought she was paralyzed; she had a cane and a sheaf of flowers–about four or five bunches as best I could tell.

I couldn’t help myself.  The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste:  ’She’s going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I’m ready to get out of here right now!’  But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.
 

Kevin would lock the ‘In’ gate and if I could hurry the old biddy along, we might make it to Smokey’s in time

I broke post attention.  My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch.  I must have made a real military sight:  middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.
 

I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk.  She looked up at me with an old woman’s squint
 

‘Ma’am, may I assist you in any way?‘

She took long enough to answer.

‘Yes, son.  Can you carry these flowers?  I seem to be moving a tad slow these days.‘
 

‘My pleasure, ma’am.‘  Well, it wasn’t too much of a lie.

She looked again.  ’Marine, where were you stationed?‘

‘ Vietnam, ma’am.  Ground-pounder. ’69 to ’71.‘

She looked at me closer.  ’Wounded in action, I see.  Well done, Marine.  I’ll be as quick as I can.‘

I lied a little bigger:  ’No hurry, ma’am.‘

She smiled and winked at me.  ’Son, I’m 85-years-old and I can tell a lie from a long way off. Let’s get this done.  Might be the last time I can do this.  My name’s Joanne Wieserman, and I’ve a few Marines I’d like to see one more time.‘
 

‘Yes, ma ‘am.  At your service.‘

She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone.  She picked one of the flowers out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone.  She murmured something I couldn’t quite make out. The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.

She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone.  I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek.  She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X.Davidson, USMC, 1943.
 

She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944.
 

She paused for a second.  ’Two more, son, and we’ll be done‘

I almost didn’t say anything, but, ‘Yes, ma’am.  Take your time.‘

She looked confused. ‘Where’s the Vietnam section, son?  I seem to have lost my way.‘

I pointed with my chin.  ’That way, ma’am.‘

‘Oh!’ she chuckled quietly.  ’Son, me and old age ain’t too friendly.‘ 

She headed down the walk I’d pointed at.  She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted.  She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970.  She stood there and murmured a few words I still couldn’t make out.
 

‘OK, son, I’m finished.  Get me back to my car and you can go home.‘

Yes, ma’am.  If I may ask, were those your kinfolk?‘ 

She paused. ‘Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband, Larry and Darrel were our sons.  All killed in action, all marines.‘
 

She stopped.  Whether she had finished, or couldn’t finish, I don’t know.  She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.

I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.

‘Get to the ‘Out’ gate quick.  I have something I’ve got to do.‘

Kevin started to say something, but saw the look I gave him.  He broke the rules to get us there down the service road.  We beat her.  She hadn’t made it around the rotunda yet.
 

‘Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost.  Follow my lead.‘  I humped it across the drive to the other post.
 

When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny’s voice:  ’TehenHut!  Present Haaaarms!‘

I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye–full dress attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.
She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice.

I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.
 

Instead of ‘The End,’ just think of ‘Taps.‘

As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer: ‘Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas.  Hold them in your loving hands and protect them as they protect us.‘
 

Let’s all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.
 

‘In God We Trust.’ 

Sorry about your monitor; it made mine blurry too! 

If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under!

adios, molly

molly bee was one of my favorite country western performers back when i was a kid.  at the time molly was just a kid herself.  she

passed away this week from complications due to a stroke.  molly was 69 years old.

molly got her start in music on the old rex allen radio show singing covers of hank williams tunes.  she was only 10 years old.  at 13 she had her first hit in 1952 singing the novelty tune, ‘i saw mommy kissing santa claus’.

i mostly remember her from the old so calif tv show called ‘hometown jamboree’ which starred the late great, tennessee ernie ford.  i cut my country and western teeth on that old show and the music generated by it. along with the show ‘the hoffman hayride’ starring spade cooley. both shows were local staples on los angeles tv in the 1950′s.

adios, molly bee, RIP.

the cast of  ’hometown jamboree’.  molly, seated in the front row to the right of ernie ford.

molly later in her career.

jmh

time for something completely different part 4

I know it’s been a little while since I last wrote anything here.  I’ve been busy so I haven’t really had the time.  You know busy doing kitty stuff.  Plus, it’s been raining a lot here and it’s been cold too so I’m sleeping most of the time.

I heard mom talking to dad on the phone this morning.  She was telling him that I wasn’t happy with all of the rain because the front door hasn’t been open for me to sit there and watch the birdies.  She’s right.  I don’t like the rain for that very reason.

Mom and dad are going out to a big Valentines Day dinner and dance at a local winery tomorrow night.  As usual, I don’t get to go.  It would be nice if they would at least invite me to tag along.  I mean I don’t have to hang out with them and be social.  I could just cruise the wine cellar area in the winery looking for mice to play with while they drink wine and eat osso bucco or whatever it is they will eat.   If I found something I could bring it in for everyone to look at and they would all say what a wonderful kitty I was.  Why someone might even give me a glass of champagne and ask me to dance.  Now, that would be very nice.  Don’t you think?

Anyhow, I might even tell you about their evening if they think it turned out ok.  I may even do it even if they don’t think it went ok.  I don’t care.  All the rain is making this little kitty a bit crabby.  I think I’ll bite dad when he comes over today and picks me up for a hug.  Oh, ok, maybe not.  It was just a thought.  Perhaps an evil one but a thought none the less. 

Meow for now.

Kwayla

 
Our weekend went pretty good even with all of the rain.  I still can’t get anyone to open the front door for very long though.  Mom always says that it’s too cold to open the door.  By the time I realize dad has the door open for me it’s closing when I get there.  So I have to pass my time on the back of the couch or in my bed.  It’s not a bad life though.

I tried and tried to get mom and dad to take me to the Valentines evening dinner at the winery.  No matter what I tried they wouldn’t budge on the no go thing.  I was pretty upset because I wanted to go looking for mice.  About all I ever find and catch around here are crickets and the occasional moth.  I’m sick and tired of crickets.  I need some bigger game to stalk and stuff.  Smarter game as well.  Crickets are stupid and dumber than that poodle that runs around outside here.  I’m thinking mice have to be pretty smart.  Maybe one day I’ll find out.

Well, the big evening finally came around and mom and dad got all dressed up and ready to. I kept trying to make them change their minds about me tagging along but it was no good.  So, I waited till they were both all set and almost going out the door and I went into my bathroom and laid a really nice stinky bomb for them.  I was even impressed.  Dad wasn’t happy at all.  He realized if they left it in my box until they got home they would probably be really sorry they did.  So he cleaned out my box while he was wearing his nice clothes.  He wasn’t happy and was saying lots of stuff I never heard before.  
     
Mom and dad had a nice time at the dinner.  Lots of wine to drink and the food was pretty good.  Or so they say.  Nice people to meet and talk to as well.  I don’t know I wasn’t there.  But orange and spinach salad, osso bucco with saffron risotto and broccoli rob, along with a nice chocolate cheesecake sounds pretty good to me.  Plus champagne before dinner along with a nicely paired wine with each course.  They even got a free bottle of champagne to take home with them. Wow, being human has lots of perks, huh? 

Dad even got to have a very nice chat with the winery owner.  And got to pet the owners son’s dog for a while.  Pretty cool stuff but if I had been there it would have been even cooler.  I would have bit the dog.
 
They had a DJ there and mom and dad even danced several dances.  They were sorta disappointed most of the songs were fast because they wanted to dance slow and make-out.  Mom was pretty drunk by then and dad was sorta too.  Any ways, they danced slow to a few of the fast songs just because they could.

I suppose it was a very fun evening for them.  It wasn’t much fun for me but I had a fun rest of the weekend with both of them hanging around the house because of the rain.  I got lots of play time in with dad and only needed to pretend bite him a couple of times.  Mom, on the other hand, got nailed on the foot a few times for messing with me.

I hope you all had a nice Valentines Day and weekend.  Maybe next year will be better for me and I’ll get to stalk mice for my Valentines Day.
 
Oh, you may want to visit the place where mom and dad went saturday night and often go to other times as well: http://josephfilippiwinery.com  They say it’s a very cool place.

Meow for now,

Kwayla

a little bit of roadtrip madness

yes, boys and girls, it’s almost that time again.  time for another fear and loathing road trip up into the true heart of darkness.  it begins very soon.  a nine or ten day trip to the central valley and the insanity that awaits.  lurking like some fiend from the bowels of hell.  i say, bring it.  it’s time to rock ‘n’ roll, once again.  the addled oldsters banging back old tom barleycorn, vino vertas, plus beer for breakfast and lunch like there’s no tomorrow.  and perhaps there isn’t.
 
three nights of supreme depravity and debauchery steep like a sleeping succubus while the cabin in the sierra foothills sits getting even colder as more snow silently falls.  great mounds of the white stuff sit and wait to be used as a refrigerator for the beer, white wine, and vodka.  sweet, jesus, life is good.

the imagination races and roils at the thought.  let the weekend begin.  let madness reign.  rock ‘n’ roll.

jmh

the long and winding road trip awaits plus oscar & movie madness

alright.  i’ll be out of here soon.  this will be my last foray into the blog-o-sphere till my return from up north.  if the weather holds and god is willing i’ll make it over the grapevine and ft. tejon in one piece. then down into the cotton fields for points further north.  interstate 5.  straight north.  up and into the mystical madness i’ve come to love.  well, not recently come to love.  i’ve always loved it and there lies the rub.  que sera or c’est la vie.  it matters not.  not at this point any the ways.  some would beg to differ but there’s no time for that riff.  not now.  please.  sirens and phantoms call.

this past wednesday night provided a glimpse of things to come.  tame by the usual standards but still strange enough to wet the appetite for more total unabridged insanity.  can the gout be far behind?  i want to court that almost arcane disease and become it’s mad lusty suitor.  perhaps to walk the streets with my foot bandaged in linen.  a silver tipped cane in my hand.  a jaunty top hat on my head.  ah, yes. 

however, before i go i want drag a couple of things out of the vault.  it’s oscar weekend and time to celebrate the movies i don’t go and see anymore.  both of the oldies are movie and/or oscar related ditties.  i hope you find them amusing.  i’ll see you when i get back here to the land of la la’s and the valley of smoke.  peace to you all.

jmh
 
oscar night

yeah, oscar night, it’s tonight.  it ain’t what it used to be.  then of course just what the hell is?  i don’t go to movies anymore.  the whole experience is just annoying these days on all sorts of levels.  i buy em instead.  cheap.  watch em at home.  very seldom anything new.  for the most part the old stuff of my youth or somewhat newer stuff.  yeah, even the stuff from before i was born.  movies i can watch.  movies i can relate to.  movies that might even mean something to this old scarred and pissed off lion.  all that being said, i have something for this used to be, sacred evening.  something sad and tragic.  my take on one of the last sad acts of the original king of cool, steve mcqueen.

the dust and heat…

hung in the tijuana air like a freeze frame from hell.  cars honked and clamored looking for an inch in which to move.  nothing ever did.  in sunglasses and old clothes he moved through it all.  no one knew him.  he moved slowly looking for the place.  if you looked at him closely you could see the disease at work.  taking what was left of his life and mocking him with each painful step.  finally the place.  the earthly waiting room for hell. 

the bell above the door tinkled when he opened it.  as the door closed the hell from the streets outside stopped and the smell of the office over came him.  a small greasy headed man got up from behind an equally greasy desk and spoke.

ah, senor bullet, you have come.
yes, on the phone, you said you could help me?
si.  yes, i can.  por favor, follow me.

through the cluttered outer office and into the dank dismal treatment rooms they went.  a strange but familiar odor growing in the man’s nose.  the small mexican finally stopped at a dirty examination table.  he turned and said.   

please, senor, you must deesrobe.
ok. the man replied.

he was resigned to it.  it was all that was left.  this final sad humility of an approaching death.  a last chance stop on the road of life.

hokay, meester bullet, now you must assept these enemas of the coffees to cure you cancers.  por favor, on the tables.  you must spread you nalgas for
me.

a tear formed in the corner of his eye as the man moved to comply.  only to be used as substance by a very large nasty house fly.

outside the dust, heat, and noise, for that moment, stopped.  something had gone from us all.  forever.  in an instant they all began to move.  again.  to oppress.  again.  moving us closer to this hell on earth.

jmh
 

desert island movies

ok. so if i was gonna do this desert island movie deal on the same desert island i’m doing my desert island music along with a couple of hot asian babes and some nice iced chinese beer or bottle of vino or three or some very very cold absolut.  yeah, it’s a run-on sentence going nowhere.  i’d be needing me either a nice theater set-up or a 62 ford falcon wagon in which to watch and play around in while the movies were playing on the large drive-in screen or flat screen tv.  though i guess when you really think about it they are actually one in the same.  just from different eras.  but both the same.  drifting i know.  but you have to set stuff up or it’s…

1. ‘the godfather 1 & 2′.  no doubt.  it has to be right up on top.  plus they have to be as one.  though there’s a case to be made for part 3 as well.  it doesn’t sing at all and it sucks but it does sorta round stuff out.  3 ain’t on the list.

2. ‘apocalypse now’.  i originally saw this in one of those old cinerama dome thingys and i was ducking bullets.  a great movie.  i’m still not sure if i like the re-deux deal he did a few years ago.  i think it slows things down and just gets in the way of the other stuff.

3. ‘abbott and costello meet frankenstein’.  yeah, boy, this is right up in the top ain’t it?  it should be.  my goodness, you have bud and lou at their finest along with bella, lon jr, and frankie.  though not boris’ frank but good enough.  i saw this one for the first time on tv as a little kid one halloweenie night.  it scared the crap out of me while i was laughing at bud and lou.

4. ‘full metal jacket’.  love you long time and me so horny.  yeah, baby.  not as dreamy as number 2 on this list but it gets the job done.  stellar.

5. ‘good fellas’.  a great movie and i watch it every chance i get even if it’s on cable loaded up with commercials.  plus it’s got tony soprano’s shrink in it and she is still one of the hottest non-asian babes going.
          
6.  ‘invasion of the body snatchers’.  the original b/w deal.  another scary movie.  this one supposedly has cold war overtones.  i was always too scared to notice any of that in the movie.

7.  ‘she wore a yellow ribbon’.  you have to have the duke in any top ten movie list or you really aren’t paying attention to the movies.  it could be any movie from his vast catalog but one or more must be in there.  she wore a yellow ribbon is a great film about old soldiers and being in love.  also see number 10.
 
8.  ‘a fistful of dollars’.  if only for bringing clint to the screen so he could do what he did after this one.  none the less it re-wrote cowboy movies. one more time.

9.  ‘stagecoach’.  the original b/w version though the outlaw color version with willy, kris and waylon is pretty good too.  just goes to show what a good script and idea can do if you let it roll.  plus it’s that other duke film i was talking about.  yeah, the comancheros, rio bravo, the searchers, the quiet man, fort apache, the sands of iwo jima…

10.  ‘my darling clementine’.  well, it’s hank fonda doing what he did so well along with john ford and monument valley doing what they both did so well.  as a matter of fact monument valley is still doing it to this very day.  a glorious place.  when visiting be sure to stop at the burger king and visit the ww2 navajo code talkers shrine inside the burger king.  yes, it’s a bit surreal but what about life isn’t?
  
there they are my top 10 desert island movies.  of course, i’ve left off numerous good ones.  then there’s ‘pulp fiction’.  ouch.  i still don’t get that one and i’ve never been able to sit thru the whole thing and yes i’ve tried a few times and i really don’t want to hear how great the movie is ok?  thanks.  because i do not like it.  period.  same goes for ‘gone with the wind’.  that one i’ve sat thru.  several times.  unfortunately.

then there’s oliver stone. i guess it’s because i don’t care for his work.  the only movie by him i actually enjoyed was ‘natural born killers’.  the rest of his stuff i have no use for.

sure there’s ‘dr strangelove’, ‘the pink panther’ series with peter, antonino’s cult classic ‘blow-up’, zeffirelli’s ‘romeo and juliet’, ‘bullet’, ‘the big sleep’, ‘the african queen’, ‘treasure of the sierra madre’, ‘bonnie and clyde’, ‘the wild bunch’, ‘the magnificent 7′, ‘the bellboy’, ’12 o’clock high’, ‘psycho’, ‘north by northwest’, fellini, ‘vertigo’…i think you get the drift.  amazing stuff.  plus there’s scores and scores more. 

we all have our favorites.  some are the same and some aren’t even on the same planet.  doesn’t matter. damn, let’s just nuke some popcorn up and slip a dvd into the machine.  kick back and enjoy.

jmh

a long and winding road

it’s been a difficult day for me and the brown eyed girl.  well, more so the brown eyed girl than i.  it all started for her sunday morning.  we’d had a very nice evening the night before with dfr and jwfh.  a very pleasant evening to be sure.

at any rate, on sunday morning the brown eyed girl tried to get a book off the bottom self of one of my bookcases.  she heard a snap in one of her hips.  a hip that’s an artificial joint.  it was a painful snap.  but things worked themselves out of the initial pain deal as had the others.
 
though she was worried and called her orthopod in l.a.  they spoke on the phone and he told her if she was worried to come in today and he’d check her out.  well, we woke up this morning and she felt ok.  we cuddled a bit and it snapped again.  yeah, just a cuddle for a bit.  so we went in to downtown l.a to see her doc. 
 
she felt fine but as an old hand at this deal she’d packed a small bag.  just in case.  her doc is one, if not the finest, joint replacement docs in the whole damn world.  they took some x-rays and he had her up on the table and messed around a bit with her hip.  of course, it popped again.  painfully.  she got it to go back to an unpainful position but the doc said, we need to fix it.

long story short, she is still at the hospital and goes in for surgery tomorrow in order to replace a defective part of the hip joint.  a semi sorta not so major operation according to her doc.  but none the less surgery.

i’ve sorta touched upon the brown eyed girl’s problems in the past.  she’s a victim of childhood rheumatoid arthritis.  she’s had numerous operations on various joints and or other stuff in her life.  though the past few years she’s been somewhat lucky in that regard.  today, another of her docs called her a fighter and a tough lady.  she is indeed that.

she is also the love of my life.  yeah, i’ve had a few.  but she’s different.  i’ve stated here before if i had met her long ago in her ‘window’ of opportunity we would have had a number of kids.  i stand by that statement today. 
 
i love her dearly even with all of her problems.  she is the one for me  and thankfully i’m the one for her.  that is if i don’t fuck shit up at some point.  yeah, well…i have no intention doing so.

ok.  so here’s the deal.  i’m not sure when i’ll be back here on any sort of regular basis.  i have other needs now.  as does the brown eyed girl.  for sure i’ll let you know how things go tomorrow.  there should be no problems but a prayer to the deity of your choice would be much appreciated.  thanks.

jmh

southern infantry and northern artillery

the title of this blog is something i’m fond of saying.  however, i didn’t come up with it.  the late novelist and civil wear historian, shelby foote, came up with it years ago.  it’s a pretty much true statement.  at any rate, it means with southern infantry and northern artillery the us of a could win just about any war with anybody.

i was sent the following in an email by a friend a week or so ago.  i’d been wanting to stick it up here and share it with you but i’ve been busy with the brown eyed girl.  things are going well on that front so i’m back home for a few days of r and r on my own.  i have no idea where it came about or who originated the email.  all i know is that it’s funny as hell and there just might be a few grains of truth to it as well.  the point being is, the photo combines southern infantry and northern artillery in a 21st century way.  i hope you enjoy it as much as i did.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the   United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).  These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Iraq and will be given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.   Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter. 

rock and roll!!!

jmh

saddling up

it’s been awhile since i’ve sat down here at the computer and pounded something out.  well, today is the day.  i’m feeling the need to yammer about some music that’s been playing a lot in the car since i picked it up last friday.  now, it’s on here and jamming out over the jbls.

i stumbled onto an old austin city limits last thursday evening.  one from 2006.  van morrison to be exact.  van morrison doing his country thing.  yeah, van does country.  that show was amazing.  jaw dropping amazing.  some of the finest country i’ve heard from a non country artist in a good long while.  thankfully, i got into it from the beginning.  an hour of van’s wonderful voice and a band that kicked some serious ass.  steel guitar to die for played by a lady i’ve never seen before and i have no idea what her name is.  if anyone reading this can help me out in that regard, please do so.  she was playing licks off a triple neck steel that at one point made me cry.  yeah, that’s right. 

the next day i was having some java with my friend, jwfh.  as usual i went into rhino records and wandered around for 45 minutes or so cherry picking this and that.  an otis redding dvd with all the good stuff on it.  and a stones live dvd from 1975 recorded here in la la land.  sweet to be sure.

as far as i know there isn’t a recording of the van morrison austin city limits show.  the closest you can come to it is his 2006 lp ‘pay the devil’.  i picked it up as well.  as jwfh said, it isn’t one of his best and the band isn’t that good.  but i’ll tell you what, the band is adequate and satisfying.  the steel player on the lp isn’t the steel player on the show but paul godden does a good enough job for me.  as does everyone else on the lp.  bob loveday, violin; geriant watkins, piano; mick green and johnny scott on guitar; paul riley, bass; ian jennings, double bass; and bobby irwin, drums.

this lp is sorta an ode to his dad who was a big country fan.  i like it. you might too.  though at one point yesterday the brown eyed girl told me enough of van and his country we need to listen to something else.  no, she’s no fan of country but she puts up with me up to a point.  you can’t always have it all.

at any rate, there’s some nice covers of some old standard country stuff from, ‘there stands the glass’ to ‘your cheatin’ heart’ and ‘half as much’.  if you like country this is an adequate and satisfying lp.  an lp done by probably one of the few singer and players that you can pretty much be assured you need ALL of his stuff in your collection.  folks, there ain’t very many artists out there that you can say that about.  the stones.  maybe john lennon.  otis redding.  and there just isn’t anybody else.  count on it.

jmh

water water everywhere & nary a drop to drink

the water crisis here in the great state of chaos continues as it begins the long slow slide into somebody actually doing something about it on a local and statewide basis.  oh yeah.  though the bread basket of the nation has been jumping on the farmers for a year or so, cutting back on their water rations.  i guess lawns are more important than feeding a vast portion of the nation.  but then what do i know?  not much i’m sure.

the water infrastructure here is in total disarray.  the main point of the whole fragile system is up in the sacramento/stockton delta area.  billions need to be spent to fix it.  the problem is a bi-polar mess.  the dems and gop are both sad culprits in the chaos.  we pay those hacks good money to take care of stuff.  they take the money and don’t do anything other than piss everyone off.  it’s been so for many a year.  the last great water projects happened back in the early 60′s thanks to jerry brown’s dad, pat.  i could tell you a story about the two of them but i won’t. 

on an other note, i was talking to a local water guy this morning and he told me a tale of the current stimulus package dole out courtesy of uncle sam.  the man has been involved in the water industry here in socal for a number of years in a supervisory capacity and a very bright guy as well.  he told me trying to just figure out the whole convoluted process was mind numbing and stupid.  no idea what was what or just how to go about it.

in my thinking that would, of course, figure.  government gobbly goop to the nth degree brought on by those that would love nothing better than to make it the official language of a once great nation.  but i digress.  my water guy has no idea if the local water folks will get the modest $2.5 million grant.  none.  zip.  zilch.  nada.  if a check shows up then the deal went down.  if not.  sin loi, charlie.  a rather dumb ass way of doing biz but that seems to be the nature of the feds these sad end of times days.

ok.  here’s a nice 180 turn.  however, still water related.  the current crop in power down dc way have their collective panties in a knot about the way the cia has been dealing with the current crop of terror dip-shits.  fine.  though i have no problem with anything they do in trying to find shit out.  nothing.  yep.  deal with it. 

let me harken back to that doomed and failed vietnam experience.  failed for many a reason.  but that ain’t why i’m here.  nope.  the langley boys had a way of dealing with the cong and nva regulars.  terrorists to be sure.  rape.  kill.  pillage.  tax.  impose will.  scare.  and otherwise totally fuck over folks.  your ever friendly troops of mr wonderful, uncle ho.

the drifts pile up don’t they?  the company guys had a way with the usual suspects.  take a few of em up in a chopper to several thousand feet and ask em a question.  no answer.  toss one of em out.  ask the question again.  you get answers.  if not, take a couple more of em up. 

i personally have no problem with that action.  none what so ever.  they were women and children killers.  pure and simple.  just as the current crop are.  sad little shits.  fight fire with fire.  simple as that. 

whether it be water or a chopper way up above the trees, all is fair.  it’s us or them.  there is no compromise.  we limp along in these end of times days.  but then what do i know?  not much i’m sure.

the stockton delta with crops.

the delta again and what usually happens after days of heavy rain.

vietnam and a chopper above the trees.

jmh

wedding planning for the elderly

the browned eyed girl has been running around trying to deal with stuff for our upcoming nuptials.  i’ve sorta been collateral damage on a few of the shopping trips.  which is fine.  don’t get me wrong.  it’s her first and hopefully only wedding.  it will be my second and hopefully last.  i’ve been telling her she can do what she wants, after all she’s the bride to be.  thankfully, it’s going to be low key.  at any rate, shopping for just about anything makes me cranky.  though i have tried my best under the circumstances and she’s been vaguely impressed. 

low key is a good thing.  older folks probably shouldn’t get to crazed over getting married.  i mean crazed is ok but a wedding party for several hundred folks ain’t our idea of fun.  we have better things to spend our money on.  don’t get me wrong, there will be a wedding party after the ‘i dos’ but it will be a week or so later and for well under several hundred folks.  we have a couple of local places in mind for the party, both of which are nice italian joints serving up outstanding italian grub. 

we’ve also been dealing with a local jeweler who doing a nice custom ring with some old stuff of ours.  plus he’ll add a new stone as well.  we go see him today to get a look at the mold and what hopefully will be the final time before he pours the gold into the mold and makes the ring.

as for the wedding itself it will be a civil ceremony either here at the county recorders office or on a trip to las vegas.  with the info we got today it looks like it’s going to be las vegas.  a mutual friend of ours made us an offer this morning, which we couldn’t refuse, of a very famous place in vegas in which to have the ceremony.  i’m talking top of the line famous and for free.  i don’t want to let it out yet as it may not happen.  as in, shit happens.  but he’s having dinner this friday with his partner, the guy who can make it happen.  so we should know by the weekend if the deal is going to go down.

yes, it’s been a pretty fast trip for us but i’ve said it before, the brown eyed girl is the love of my life and if we had met long ago we would have had a bushel basket of kids.  well, that didn’t happen.  now, we just have to make the best of it and make the rest of our lives as happy as possible.  stay tuned.

jmh

the long slide

i received this in an email this morning.  i’m re-posting it here with no one’s permission.  i doubt they’ll mind.  except for probably, mr. obama.  

jmh
You don’t have to be a military veteran to appreciate the sentiments expressed here.  But, if you are, and have served our Country, or have close family who DID serve or IS serving, this message may have even greater clarity.  Service personnel earn VERY LITTLE in comparison to what they sacrifice.  My apology to anyone who simply feels that this is ‘right-winged diatribe!”  Exam closely the spoken words.

Subject: Arrogant Americans

Arrogant Americans, Mr. President?
Peter Heck – Guest Columnist – 4/14/2009 7:50:00 AM

    As I was sitting in church waiting for the start of the service, my grandpa came walking towards me pointing his finger. No matter how old I get, and no matter how long he’s been out of the U.S. Navy, that’s still an intimidating sight. As he approached me, his voice quivered as he said, “We saved that continent twice…how dare my president apologize for this country’s arrogance.” My grandpa is right. Americans need not apologize to the world for their arrogance; rather, Americans should apologize to their forefathers for the arrogance of their president.

Barack Obama’s first foreign trip as President of the United States has confirmed the naiveté so many of us feared during the election cycle. But worse than that, it has also demonstrated that our president suffers from either a complete misunderstanding of our heritage and history, or an utter contempt for it. Neither is excusable.

    Garnering cheers from the French of all people, President Obama declared, “In America , there is a failure to appreciate Europe’s leading role in the world. Instead of celebrating your dynamic union and seeking to partner with you to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.” Consider that Obama spoke THESE words just 500 miles from the beaches of Normandy , where the sand is still stained with 65-year-old blood of “arrogant Americans.”

    Indeed, columnist Mark Whittington observes, “One should remind Mr. Obama and the Europeans how America has ‘shown arrogance’ by saving Europe from itself innumerable times in the 20th Century. World War I, World War II, the Cold War, and the wars in the Balkans were largely resolved by American blood, treasure, and leadership.” But all that appears lost on the president’s seemingly insatiable quest to mend fences he imagines have been tarnished by the bullish George W. Bush.
 
If Obama wishes to continue trampling the presidential tradition of showing class to former office holders and publicly trash Bush for his own personal gain, so be it. But all Americans should make clear that no man – even if he is the president – will tarnish the legacy of those Americans who have gone before us. Ours is not a history of arrogance. It is a history of courage, self-sacrifice, and honor.

    When abusive monarchs repressed the masses, Americans resisted and overthrew them. When misguided policies led to the unjust oppression of fellow citizens, Americans rebelled and overturned them. When millions of impoverished and destitute wretches sought a new beginning, Americans threw open the door and welcomed them. When imperial dictators were on the march, Americans surrendered their lives to stop them. When communist thugs threatened world peace, Americans bled to defeat them. When an entire continent was overwhelmed with famine and hunger, Americans gave of themselves to sustain it. When terrorist madmen killed the innocent and subjugated millions, Americans led the fight to topple them.

This is the legacy that generations of Americans have left. If President Obama seeks stronger relations with the world community, perhaps he should begin by reminding them of these very truths, rather than condemning his own countrymen on foreign shores.

    This “obsessive need to put down his own country,” has caused blogger James Lewis to call President Obama a “stunningly ignorant man” who has evidently never spoken to a concentration camp survivor, a Cuban refugee, a boat person from Vietnam, a Soviet dissident, or a survivor of Mao’s purges.

    Unfortunately, I can no longer bring myself to give Mr. Obama that benefit of the doubt. Not after looking at the pain in my grandpa’s eyes…a man who still carries shrapnel in his body from his service to this country.

    As a student and teacher of history, I recognize that America has made mistakes…plenty of them, in fact. But one of the great things about our people has been their courage and humility in admitting and correcting those mistakes. God willing, they will prove that willingness again in four years and correct the mistake that is the presidency of Barack Obama.

hank, country music and jesus

this was written last night,  after a day of listening to the cds and an evening sipping vino. there’s a few bumps in here but you’ll get the picture.

if you’ve been paying any attention to this place you’ve noticed i’ve been listening to, ‘the un-released recordings – hank williams’, an awesome 3 cd set.  simply amazing stuff to be sure.  i thank the brown eyed girl for giving me the collection as a birthday gift.  i will always treasure your thoughtfulness.  thanks, babe.  

kids, if you love your old country music by a man that’s been screwed by the grand ole opry and the humps that wish to make him a minor footnote in country western music then this cd collection is for you.  it is also most certainly not anywhere near today’s country music crap.

hank williams, country and jesus.  a simple homage to the main simple man of country music.  that’s what this cd collection is.  i haven’t heard anything anywhere near this stuff for many a year.  old.  simple.  pure.  country.  played and sung by a bunch of drunken jesus sorta lovin’ folk just tryin’ to make a livin’.  my goodness. 

if you’d mind your own bidness you wouldn’t have time to be foolin’ with mine.  lordy.  can you?  can you, the us of a government?  sorry, that’s a drift. 

un-released old 1940′s live radio recordings mastered into only what a cd can conjure up.  yeah, i know.  vinyl is on a comeback tour.  i been there and done that and i’ll stick with a cd, thank you.  no mp3 or ipod either.  there ain’t no high or lows to be found there.  highs and lows be what this and other old country rocker blues jazz boys need and love.  hank and the band nails it on this 3 cd set.

yeah, ok.  you may not be into jesus.  fine, that’s your bidness.  however, if you love the real country pickin’, singin’ and peddle steel deal then you best get over it and hunker down with the king of country, hank williams and his, ‘the unreleased recordings – hank williams’, 3 cd set.  oh, yeah.

‘pictures from life’s other side’.  ‘searching for a soldier’s grave’.  ‘tennessee border’.  ‘on top of old smokey’.  and 50 others.  some of the best country i’ve heard in a very very long time.  trust me.  

thank you, jesus.  thank you, lord.  thank you, glimmer twins, for that country bon mot.  and more importantly, thank you hank and the band.

sweet, jesus.  TURN IT UP!!!

jmh

the late great state of chaos

i’m a native of california.  my mother is a california native as well.  she’ll be 95 in september.  we have roots that go way the hell back.  we’ve seen any number of things.  my dad too, though he’s only been out here since 1941.  the brown eyed girl is a socal native.  she’s seen some shit too.  more shit just might hit the fan soon here in the late great state of chaos, california.

we pay our state senators and state assembly folks a lot of money.  plus they get some damn nice perks.  i wouldn’t mind that if they did what the fuck we paid them to do.  though they can’t seem to be bothered with doing that, their job.  their well paid job. 

it’s been a number of years and may even go back to governor moonbeam, jerry brown, who is actually thinking about running for the job again. however, that’s a drift of major proportions and for another time.  the point being, the tools we’ve elected just can’t come up with a budget for the state.  well, they can but they end up raising taxes as a result and then the taxes never ever go away like they said they would.  then they just waste the damn money they raised.  our money.  a vicious cycle if there ever was one. 

the assholes are paid to do something they can’t do.  fine.  quit.  go back to albertson’s and bag groceries or your cushy loan sharking job.  just get out and let somebody else try who ain’t gonna spend all their damn time collecting skim and graft from any asshole out there.  plus running for the damn re-election 24-7 like our current president.  more drifting.

ok.  so like the tools couldn’t come up with a budget again this year.  nothing new.  though this year, with other stuff in the dumpster, it wasn’t a good idea not to come up with one.  not that it ever is a good idea.  sooooo…the governator has called for a special election may 19th.  we get to vote on 5 propositions.  bleeding government by referendum.  it’s been like this here for far to goddamn long. 

referendum this referendum that, instead of doing WHAT THE FUCK THEY GET PAID FOR!!!!!!!  run the state like some sort of thinking person and not like it’s your personnal candy store.  enough of this, people.  screw it and them.  i’ve already sent my ballot in.  no, on every damn one of em.  sane folks are doing the same thing.  local newspapers are calling for the same.  the madness here in the late great state of chaos must come to a stop. 

california is the harbinger of this once great nation.  count on it.  we have been for years.  illegals?  among other things.  you got em now and their money for nothing attitude.  wake up, people!!!!!  take your country and state back from the money grubbing running for re-election 24-7, elected official, as a job description assholes.  that includes all of em!!!!!  vote them and their plague out of office.  stop the madness now.

damn, now i feel better.  tell you what, you’d all better heed the call and get wise before it’s too late.

jmh

More Catching Up Stuff

Yes, I know I’ve been away for far to long but I’ve been busy.  I’m sorry for that plus I’ve been busy barfing.  My dad even calls me, Barfy, these days.  Sigh.  What can I say?  Not much I’m sure cause he’s usually the first one up in the morning and he finds my little presents then cleans them up. 

At any rate, other than my barf problems I’m very excited about my mom and dad becoming a legal eagle married couple.  Woo barfy hoo!!!  My mom’s first and only wedding and my dad’s last one.  Plus my first and only, as well.  Lucky me.  Us kitties find happy stuff where we can. 

Other than my above mentioned troubles I’ve been very happy cause of the impending wedding Las Vegas nuptials.  Only thing is I’m not invited.  Sigh.  That’s OK as I’d prolly just run and hide someplace anyways.  I’ll let dad tell you just where the special place will be.  I know where it is cause I listen to everything.  I hear mom and dad laugh about it but I haven’t a clue just what the deal is.  Plus, I can’t take that away from dad.  He’s my buddy.  He knows that cause it’s been a long time since I bit him.  Lucky him.

I’m laying here on the back of the couch and flipping my tail every now and again.  Dad isn’t here.  He’s at our other place today.  But I can hear very clearly that he’s listening to ” The Unreleased Recordings by Hank Williams “, at very high levels or else I couldn’t hear it.  For sure it’s an http://timelife.com ditty if there ever was one.  Dad says buy it and turn it up.  Loud.  Me too.  Old country and old cats.  Sweet.  Pure Americana.

Stay tuned, my friends.  I’ll be back. 

Kwayla Kitty

“Doc H and the Rio Laudanum Cowboys”, a CD Review

that’s the title of the current cd by my friend, john harrelson.  it’s been playing on the car cd player since last friday.  now, i’ve got it on my media player as i type.  the more i listen to it the more i like it.

Doc H and his usual band of suspects: brian chapman, bass and stand-up bass; steph kuhn, drums; jeff ross, guitar and steel(ed) guitar; and jwfh, himself, on vocals, guitar, accordion, mandolin, piano, harmonica, bottleneck guitar and 12 string guitar; kick out some fine country and western music.  oh, yeah, turn it up!

jwfh, told me this cd is about as country as he can get.  kids, that’s fine by me because it’s good stuff.  stellar stuff.  12 tunes and 9 of them are john harrelson country originals that were written over the past few years.  john’s usual take on love, life and playin’.  plus, a very interesting little snippet at the end of the stones countrified, ’19th nervous breakdown’, that is if you let the cd just track on.  a nice short sorta country version of the old mothers of invention tune, ‘my guitar wants to kill your mama’.  a fine example of john’s humor.  yeah, frank’s too.

john harrelson stands alone as one of the only truly original singer song writer players of the 60′s that’s left standing.  yeah, he’s been at it for more than 40 years.  writing and playing jazz, blues, rock ‘n’ roll and country.  it would be hard to find anyone anywhere that could pull off all those genres.  and he pulls them off all very very well.  this cd in particular.

musically john’s playing style is all his own.  if you listen closely to his guitar licks you’ll hear some folks out of the past.  however, he’s no eric clapton disiple that’s for sure.  though jeff beck, keef and brian do come to mind.  there’s some fine pickin’ and grinnin’ on this cd from everyone involved.  no doubt about it.  like i said, this one is growing on me and it just might be john’s best effort so far.  but then i’m just an old country honk as well as a friend of john and his music.

at any rate, Doc H and the Rio boys, is now high up on my play list.  trouble is, the only place you can find it right now is at rhino records in claremont, ca.  or contact john personally.  you can find him on myspace.  trust me, it would be well worth your trouble to do so.  the cd should be available soon on http://cdbaby.com  you can search his name there.

find this cd.  buy it.  play it.  LOUD!!!! ‘Doc H and the Rio Laudanum Cowboys’.  country thangs don’t get much better.  count on it.  a nice bit of country fried meat and potatoes.  and after several listens you get the fact john is spooning on the country gravy.  bring it, my friend.

 

john harrelson

 

jmh

pink boxers and war

while noodling around yesterday i came across the yahoo, and elsewhere, story of a young soldier over in the middle east who went to his firing position in his boxers and flip flops, during a fire fight.  seems like the secretary of defense, robert gates, is all a gog over the situation.  he’s happy about it.  well, it’s memorial day weekend or more to the point, dead soldier weekend, and i guess they needed to sound pro troopers and military.  plus, i’m sure folks everywhere are getting a kick out of the story. 

it makes me think back to my time in nam.  i’ve written any number of things about that experience here and other places.  if you are a regular, i have no intention of bothering you with details you may or may not remember.  if you aren’t a regular reader, you can always go through the archives or rummage through the vault.  or just wait for me to trot the old stuff out again.  but i digress. 

while attached to macv advisory team 48, in nam, we had this major on the compound.  he was either s-3 or s-1.  military jargon for stuff.  not really important to this story.  other than the fact, he got his pink boxers all tied up in a knot about us peons and other soldiers hitting our firing positions in levi’s and flip flops; bermuda shorts, flip flops and no shirt(my personal favorite) or other variations of civilian attire; or maybe just our regulation gi boxers and flip flops, during alerts. 

yeah, civilian attire.  it was macv and they didn’t care what you wore on the compound if you weren’t on duty or working.  well, most of them.  any the ways, this particular major was not happy about the way we fell out during those alerts.  he made it his mission to see that we all hit the firing positions and bunkers in full regulation military gear.  yes, sirree.  no more of this civilian attire or gi boxer nonsense.  there was a war going on after all, and said war, demanded we be properly dressed for the occasion because mr charlie might not like it.  boy, howdy.   

said major, even held a few ‘practice alerts’ and those ‘practice alerts’ weren’t over until he personally inspected each position to see if things were being done to his strict liking.  yes, indeed.  practice alerts for dress code violations in a war zone.  no showing up with your weapon and ammo in boxers.  nope, not for that major.  not good enough.  thank you jesus.  thank you, lord, for some damn fine smoke and drink to help us all through the night.

well, we suffered through a couple of his practice alerts held in the middle of the night.  a lot of pissed off troops and lifers as well.  yeah, he wanted every swinging dick on board for his madness. 

as it turned out, things were very quiet during the time of his practice alert stuff and everyone passed with flying colors.  like what else were we gonna do?  frag him?  it was bullshit but it wasn’t worth a capital crime and/or offense. 

one night, a few weeks after all the hoopla about the dress code and fighting charlie, i was working the night shift in the commo bunker.  at the time, macv was using our commo bunker for their toc(tactical operation center) while their toc was getting a face-lift.  charlie or the nva, lobbed a few rockets or mortars into our general vicinity. 

the alert was sounded and it was all hands on deck.  everyone was to go to their alert positions and deal with whatever in full military uniform.  thankfully, due to the practice alerts, it was decided, by my signal sargent, my alert position would be in the commo bunker.  lucky me, i was already up, working, in uniform, where i was supposed to be and with my m-16 and ammo.  woo hoo!!

the incoming rocked my little world but i just opened my secret area door and casually leaned on the door jam to watch the deal go down.  a total lapse of military protocol but whatever.  i was probably somewhat loaded and had been listening to, ‘spooky tooth’, and reading porn at the time.  another breech of protocol i’m sure.

on a side bar drift, the secret area was a perfect place to have a nice non-legal smoke.  or take a nap.  we had it set up so even if you were dead an alarm of sorts would wake you.  though in hindsight it wasn’t necessary.  incoming was incoming and could wake a dead man.  count on it.

the drifts just keep on coming.  WD40.  the perfect weapon cleaner, for us lazy folks, was also a very good and efficient smoke cover-up.  better than incense.  yeah, ok.  i did take my m-16 down to the firing pin assembly at regular intervals and properly cleaned it.  so there.  i could be a good soldier if i felt like it.  my life depended upon it.      

at any rate, i was just waiting for orders and THE word to send something to somebody somewhere about something or another via my secure radio teletype.  real alerts were always something.  some worse than others.  but always angsty and an adrenaline rush regardless.  while i was standing in my doorway watching stuff, in came the major of dress code and practice alert fame. 

ah, yes, goddamn.  he was resplendent in his steel pot, m-16, ammo, un-tied jungle boots, gi issued undershirt and boxers.  yep.  that’s it.  nada mas.  no one, of course, said a word about his poorly dressed alert apparel.  lots of subtle snickering to be sure but not a word.  after that night, it went back to come as you are for alerts, and the only thing that mattered was the m-16 or some other weapon with plenty of ammo when you got to where you were supposed to be.

it’s interesting to see how things have or haven’t changed.  i wonder how melvin laird would have felt?  or perhaps dean rusk?  or macnamara?  at any rate, it’s dead soldier day weekend.  a time to say a prayer for those brothers in arms who never made it back.  a time to say just how much you appreciate the sacrifice of those who didn’t come back and those who are serving or have served and did come back.  whole or not.  seems like none of us ever come back whole.  a tragic veer if there ever was one. 

dead soldier weekend.  a proud american tradition since the civil war from whence it got it’s origins.  you may not like war, this current one in particular.  you may even be in the support the troops but not the war politically correct crowd.  tell you what.  god bless the child that wears his boxers to a fire fight.  at least he showed up and was ready for trouble.  god bless anyone who even shows up for the coming fire fights.     

make no mistake, it’s not what you wear to a fight.  it’s what you do when you get there.  happy memorial day weekend!!  light a candle for america. 

 

jmh

wedding planning for the elderly pt2

the up and coming wedding with myself and the brown eyed girl is pretty much set.  yes, indeed it’s only a matter of a few weeks away.  now, let’s catch you up a bit.

the matter of the custom ring made by a local jeweler didn’t pan out.  the guy is a flake and not a very nice one as well.  he was very rude in his dealings with the brown eyed girl and myself.  i wanted nothing more to do with him and his store.  if you’re a local and want to know who to avoid at all cost, mail me.

fortunately, the brown eyed girl found a stunning ring at another place.  those that know her say, it’s her.  the ring was purchased and we are now dealing with another local jeweler to make the wedding band.  things are going well in that regard and we are both very happy about the results and service so far. 

as for my wedding band, the brown eyed girl wanted a nice one for me.  after much discussion, she agreed to just buy me a simple silver band.  i don’t care much for rings, as i tend to play with them and then lose them.  yeah, well, i’ve lost a few over the years.  so, a very nice traditional navajo silver and turquoise wedding band was purchased for myself.  i wanted to honor the brown eyed girl’s spanish, mexican and navajo relatives.  plus, save some money in case i lose it down the road.   

we are definitely going to vegas for the wedding.  we have a nice southern minister reserved for the ceremony.  he will meet us at the site on the wedding day.  the ceremony site?  well, when it was offered, by a mutual friend, we couldn’t pass it up.  the ceremony will take place in liberace’s old mansion.  yeah, i know.  however, it’s a freebie.  and we both think it’s pretty cool.  where were you married?  liberace’s house in vegas.  hahahaha. 

our honeymoon will be a few days in vegas, on the strip, at a very nice hotel, in one of their suites.  we’ve already made a few dinner reservations at a couple of the best joints in vegas owned by world class chefs.  one of them a consistent james beard award winner.       

we have the reception place reserved for a couple of weeks after the wedding.  a very nice local italian place.  my brilliant brown eyed girl friend finally figured out how to set up and print the invites.  she also has the envelop printing figured out as well.  at least she did.  it’s been a few days since she’s worked on the stuff but it all worked out and the invites are in the mail to a few relatives and a few friends.

she’s also purchased 5 different tops for the wedding.  she can’t decide what to wear.  me?  new shorts, vaguely new flip flops and a very cool new charlie harper type shirt from hilo hattie’s.  any photos taken will be from the waist up only.  yeah, well.

things are going well and both of us are looking forward to tying the knot.  stay tuned.

jmh

a government by and for the people(?)

one would think, things ought to be getting better as one gets older, but generally speaking, that’s far from the case.  the government we’ve come to know and for sure not love, just plods on like some sort of a brain dead basket case.  a government hanging on because no one bothered to fill out the, ‘do not resuscitate’, paperwork.  government by flat line.  yeah, sad but true.

the local yokels, i actually grew up with, are running shit around these parts now and they step into a pile of stinky dogie poop daily.  seems like they ought to know better.  also seems like they haven’t a clue someone is actually watching.  how odd is that?  more like stupid.  sad.  so sad.

they step on a nice steaming turd and think nothing of it until that said turd hits the damn fan.  hits the fan because someone is actually looking at what you lame ass numb-nutted humps are doing. 

you can’t get into stuff like, tony soprano, doing whatever the hell works, graft wise, and not think anyone isn’t watching or paying attention.  who’s dumber?  you?  or us?

names?  if you live here you know them.  they’re in the local fish wrap on a several times a week basis.  no point sticking them up here.  no, not yet. 

things will probably only be going from bad to worse now that arnold’s scams didn’t pass a few weeks ago.  the idiots here and up in the state capital are scrambling to find ways to figure shit out.  i doubt they will. 

i’ve said this before and, george will, god bless him, said it last week as well.  this sad stupid game is coming to your state sooner or later.  count on it.

so respectable.  get out of my life.  don’t take my wife.  no no no.

light a candle for america.

so, all that being said, and in the spirit of a government by and for the people, cheorkee parks, and myself, with a bit of inspiration from, dfr, have come up with a nice patriotic tee-shirt just in time for the coming july 4th holiday.

go to this link.  check it out.  then buy, buy, buy amarican!!!  please.

 http://www.cherokeeparks.net/tee_shirt.htm

 

 

 

copyright 2009  cowboyzone enterprises

 

 

jmh

the oregon ducks, a 2009 football season preview

time once again for my early season preview of one of my favorite pac 10 teams, the oregon ducks.  yes, i know, basketball plods on and on in that seemingly forever never-land of it just won’t ever go away.  ever.  deal.  yes, it’s only the first glimmer of june, so why is this clown yammering about college football and the ducks?  precisely.  i love college football and the ducks in particular.  both of which, since i was 10 years old.  but that’s a digression.

regular readers know all that stuff.  they also know i did my take on the ducks last year at this time, where i predicted they would go 11-1.  sadly, that wasn’t meant to be but they did manage a very nice and close to my prediction, 9-3, for the regular season.

this year the ducks have a new coach in, chip kelly, who was their offensive co-coordinator.  mike bellotti, has stepped down or up as the case may be to the schools athletic director job.  at any rate, chip was a pretty good man to have running an offense particularly with the injury problems the ducks have had the past few years.  let’s hope his first year at the helm will be as injury free for his starters as you can get or hope for.

alright, let’s break the schedule down.  it’s a wing and a prayer time,  kids.  however, just remember i have the right to change any opinions stated here when the chips really start to fall in september.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/03  @ boise st.  game on espn.  boise st, one of the media darling teams.  i’ve had some of that kool-aid myself at times, but i’ll tell you what, smurf blue field or not, the ducks put out the notice they are for real, once again.  ducks win.

9/12  purdue.  game on fox sports net.  the second year in a row the boilermakers get thumped by the ducks.  ducks win.

9/19  utah.  game on espn.  ok, so here’s a team from of all places, utah, who i will still sip on some of the a fore mentioned kool-aid, if given half a chance.  so, ok, who wins?  yeah, i’m doin’ that little dance here, folks.  home game home team and the six points the ducks need to pull it off.  ducks win.

9/26  california.  game on abc.  it’s probably a shame the ducks run up against a tedford cal team in september.  point being, the bears are still more than likely playing ball and will not have hit their late october early november swoon that seems to smack them every year since tedford took over.  a good team here, kids.  ducks lose.

10/3  washington st.  the cougars will not make this one easy.  another home team home win and thanks, we’ll take that home field extra 6.  ducks win.

10/10  @ ucla.  astute readers will note that the ducks have not had a week off since the beginning of the season.  well, sorta after the boise st game but that break may not really count.  plus, it’s been all home games since that game and that one was just a little jaunt across the border, so to speak.  they travel to so cal and the rose bowl for this one.  no game time set so far, though i’m thinking it will probably be a day game.  early october in these parts can be a nasty affair, not cooling off till well after sunset.  yes, the bruins have no qb.  they probably will have other problems as well.  the trouble is what i’ve already mentioned.  sorry, ducks lose.

10/24  @ washington.  finally a couple of weeks off but they hit the road again.  the two premiere new coaches in the pac 10 face off for the first time.  depending on how the huskies are playing will tell the tale and just how bad of a team was left by the guy who probably shouldn’t have been fired, ty willingham.  ok.  ducks win.

10/31  usc.  game on abc or espn.  halloweenie time.  this will be one of those rare home game losses for the ducks.  pete isn’t going to make the same traveling to oregon mistake two years in a row.  count on it.  ducks lose.         

11/7  @ stanford.  stanford, the not so under the radar not so much of an underdog anymore.  shades of jim plunkett or john elway days?  time tells.  depending on how bad the ducks get tossed around by the trojans might tell the tale.  or perhaps up for the trojans and down for the cardinal.  ducks lose.

11/14  arizona st.  cold rainy november pacific northwest.  not the place for an amped up sun devil team.  ducks win.

11/21  @ arizona.  vaguely fall summer like weather for the ducks.  day game?  forget about it.  night game?  maybe.  ducks win a squeeker.

12/3  oregon st.  thursday night.  6pm.  game on espn.  civil war on a weeknight?  go figure.  kinda hard to figure but when it’s civil war i guess the day and time really don’t matter.  once again, time will stand still for this one, my friends.  this is what college football is all about.  frazier/ali.  ali/foreman.  time to get some.  ducks get some and win.

8 and 4.  not shabby but no rose bowl bid on new years day for sure.  but then again, who knows?  we shall see.  for sure, good enough for one of those moneymaker/more practice time bowl games at the end of the year.  after all, it’s just my take on the upcoming season.  best of luck to chip kelly and his ducks.  may his reign be long and may the football gods give him better than i’ve predicted.  get some, ducks!!!

jmh

the usc trojans, a 2009 football season preview

yeah, i’m at it again.  this time it’s my other favorite college football team, the trojans.  of course, i’m a pac 10 homer and a pac 10 honk as well.  plus, i’m damn proud of it.  it’s what us native california college football fans like to call our, west coast bias.  just a little something to take the edge off that east coast media bias everyone is so fond of here in california.  but that’s a major veer.

the trojans lost one of their best coaches during the off season.  steve sarkisian, who is now the head coach of the huskies up in washington.  will his leaving have any effect in the trojans?  perhaps a bit but for the most part, pete carroll, has things under control.  so things should cruise right along like they have been the past few years.  plenty of wins and either a rose bowl or national title game in the offing.  

time to break it down, kids.  rock ‘n’ roll.

9/05  san jose st.  game on fox sports net.  hopefully, the men of troy don’t take this game to easily.  sure, it’s san jose st but none the less, focus will be needed.  this is one of those games where pete is repaying a favor, debt, or some damn thing or another.  i can’t figure it out otherwise.  be that as it may, trojans win.

9/12  @ ohio st.  game on espn 5pm.  this time last year the yammering had already started on this game.  the game lived up to the hype but things didn’t work out that well, in the end, for the trojans.  this year?  the trojans go about their business and win again.

9/19  @ washington.  game on abc.  pete and steve meet in what might be a good game.  it just depends on what or who are left over from the huskies last season.  the team was pretty demoralized last year, especially towards the end.  ty willingham, was handling things well, all things considered, but the team gave up on him, the school and their own pride.  thinking, i’m not going pro so what do i care?  tragic on a few levels for sure.  i have that tidbit on good authority.  count on it.  ok, so, good game perhaps.  the trojans win.

9/26  washington st.  no tv as yet.  the cougars aren’t a pushover and another good game here.  i hope i get to watch it.  trojans win.

10/03  @ calif.  game on abc 5pm.  not an easy road trip this time in the season.  tedford still has the bears generally sorta playing well until  october/november.  crank up the barbie, pull the cork on some vino or three and hunker down.  north vs south.  good game.  trojans win a tight one.

10/17  @ notre dame.  day game on nbc.  two road trips in a row and no time off since before labor day.  a problem for the trojans?  probably not but only time will tell.  notre dame doesn’t have much of a schedule this year.  so sue me, golden domer fans.  i really don’t care.  they will probably be sporting a pretty good record when the trojans travel there.  charlie is going to need a win if he wants to get anyone other than the faithful to believe in him.  he won’t get it.  trojans win.

10/24  oregon st.  game on abc or espn 5pm.  the trojans get the beavers at home this year.  still no time off.  doesn’t matter, no tragic mistake, this time.  trojans win.

10/31  @ oregon.  game on abc or espn 5pm.  no time off.  again.  usc runs about as close as you can get to a pro offense and defense.  the defense saved them a few times last year.  the ducks offense is no match for the trojan’s defense.  trojans win.

11/07  @ arizona st.  game on abc or espn 5pm.  another road trip and still no time off.  doesn’t matter the trojans don’t lose in november.  trojans win.

11/14  stanford.  homecoming and no tv as yet.  stanford is good and getting better every year.  jim harbaugh, is recruiting some brainiacs who can play.  he’s also a good coach.  good game.  i hope i get to watch it.  you should hope you get to watch as well.  trojans win.

11/28  ucla.  game on fox sports net.  after a week off, finally, the trojans meet the bruins for lala land bragging rights.  plus it’s thanksgiving weekend.  sweet.  the southland’s version of the civil war.  doesn’t matter how bad or good either team is at the time.  the kids will play their hearts out.  count on it.  generally, one of the best games of the year.  as are all the big time college rivalry games.  trojans win.

12/05  arizona.  day game on abc.  keep it simple and on track.  trojans win.

yep, what can i say?  another year i predict the trojans will go 12-0.  they almost made it last year, only to be sidetracked by a good oregon st team, that got no respect from anyone media wise.  losing to them or anyone else won’t happen this year.  despite my crabbing about their schedule and lack of an off week till late in the season; i think it’s a good schedule and it gives them barely a month off before the big dance games come down the pike.  a good thing.  this is a national championship year for sure.  GO TROJANS!!!

jmh

ramblings and catching up, sorta. plus a doc h and the rio laudanum cowboys update

the brown eyed girl and i are back from vegas and our wedding.  it was a smashing time and i’m trying to get photos together for a blog about the deal.  easier said than done.  plus, i’m getting sidetracked with other stuff like cleaning out photos in some files.  and other things that creep in and take over my time for a spell.  yes, i know.  just remember, patience is a virtue.

on an other note, for those that remember i did a review of my friend, john harrelson’s latest cd a few weeks ago, Doc H and the Rio Laudanum Cowboys.  good news is the cd is now available at cd baby.  click the link to go there and buy it.  at least visit and check stuff out.  though you should buy the cd.   doc h and the boys, is country western at it’s best.  just do it because it’s not the crap you hear on country radio these days.

http://cdbaby.com/cd/harrelson4  or you can see it at http://cdbaby.com/style/369
or http://cdbaby.com/style/360

jmh

wedding planing for the elderly, the final chapter(?)

yes, the knot has been tied and the vows all said.  i’m a married man again.  fine by me as the brown eyed girl is one very special woman.  i mean what else can you say about a woman that would actually marry me?  not much i’m sure.

as you may or may not know we were married in liberace’s old mansion or villa or late 1950′s re-modeled tract house in vegas not far from the famed ‘strip’.  an old friend of the brown eyed girl, and now a friend of mine, is a business partner with the person who owns the place now.  they usually charge a nice sum of coin to have a wedding ceremony there.  we, on the other hand, slid in for free.  pretty sweet.

our home base for the vegas deal was a suite in the venetian hotel.  a place neither of us was very happy with for a number of reasons.  let’s just say that, if and when we go back to vegas, we won’t be staying at the venetian hotel.  we’ll be going a few doors down to the wynn hotel.  count on it.

well, at any rate, the drive out to the heart of mojave desert and it’s environs was uneventful.  um, sorta, but that’s not for here at least not now.  our first stop in sin city was the county clerks office.  it took a few times around the block to find it, as the address was covered by a tree.

it was late sunday morning and we expected the place to be jumping with a bunch of drunken fools there to get paperwork so they could marry some of the local cocktail waitresses they met the night before.  that, sadly wasn’t the case.  i mean that action might have been fun to watch.  right?  but on the other hand, an almost empty office made things very easy and quick for us to get our papers in order and get out of there.  the wedding was scheduled for the next day at 10am at liberace’s place.

we arrived a bit early for the ceremony so i was able to wander around a bit and take some photos of the place.  liberace’s ‘mansion’ is showing it’s age but then again aren’t we all?  the place was probably built in the late 50′s or early 60′s in what is nothing more than your standard tract house neighborhood.  an upscale tract house neighborhood that’s getting a bit seedy but still nice. 

here’s a few photos i took of liberace’s place.  but before that a few of the view from our hotel window.

front view of liberace’s home

liberace’s living room.

the grand hallway.  we were married at the end of it.

the spot where we were married.

a portion of liberace’s bathroom.

liberace’s bedroom.

the piano johnny carson gave to liberace.

 
the ceremony was very nice and rather quick, which was fine by us.  we found a minister on the web who came out to the villa and married us.  reverend phil, a nice gent from southern texas, performed the wedding.  visit rev phil at: http://www.lvrev.com  the brown eyed girl and i found a few things we wanted him to incorporate in the ceremony and he did.  one of the pieces was from the american writer and poet, james dillet freeman.

Blessing for a Marriage


May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding. 
May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you. 

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults. 

If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back. 

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence – no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities. 
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. 
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.

the other piece was the navajo wedding blessing:

From A Navajo Wedding Ceremony:
Now you have lit a fire and that fire should not go out.
The two of you now have a fire that represents love,
understanding and a philosophy of life.
It will give you heat, food, warmth and happiness.
The new fire represents a new beginning – a new life and a new family.
The fire should keep burning; you should stay together.
You have lit the fire for life, until old age separates you.

if you recall one of the brown eyed girl’s great grandmothers was a full blooded navajo.

after the ceremony, the owner of the place popped a bottle of champagne for us and we all had a drink.  very nice indeed.  i must say, all in all, the wedding site was actually very nice in a weird sorta way.  as a matter of fact, the brown eyed girl laughed through a good portion of the ceremony due to the weirdness of it all.  the surroundings.  not me.  well, maybe not.  lol.  visit: http://lasvegasvilla.com for more info and some more photos.  anyways, thanks to robert and dez for their kindness and hospitality.

that evening, some very old friends of the brown eyed girl treated us to a lovely wedding night dinner at, b and b ristorante, inside the venetian.  b and b is owned by chef mario batali and winemaker joseph bastianich.  it was a truly memorable experience in fine italian dinning.  however, the next night topped it.

the following night we went over to the wynn hotel for dinner at, bartolatta di mare, owned by chef paul bartolatta.  i have to say, that on numerous levels, it was one of the most amazing dinners i’ve ever eaten.  an array of italian and mediterranean family style dishes that was belly busting fine dinning at it’s best.  it would be hard to find another eatery with better italian fare.  it was simply amazing.

we didn’t go to any shows.  we spent our time wandering around eating and drinking.  with a bit of gambling thrown in as well.  i don’t gamble much anymore and don’t really care for it either but the brown eyed girl more than made up for my lack of desire to gamble and won a few hundred bucks playing the slots and blackjack.  very nice.

so, like what else can i say?  other than i’m happy we went to vegas to get married at liberace’s place.  a few members of the family were there as well as a couple of the brown eyed girls oldest friends.  what could be better?  not much.  i want to thank you all for your good wishes and more importantly i want to thank the brown eyed girl for being there for me.  she’s is truly the love of my life.

jmh

KING OF ROCK, KING OF POP, GODFATHER OF SOUL MIGHTY, MIGHTY MEN (a re-posting of a friend’s blog)

my old friend, doctor john harrelson, has written a couple of nice things about the history of pop music.  i’m re-posting them here to get the word out a bit more.  history comes in many colors.  musical history as well.  for many of us musical history, is just as important as the more regular stuff.  i hope you enjoy john’s blogs.

jmh

KING OF ROCK, KING OF POP, GODFATHER OF SOUL
MIGHTY, MIGHTY MEN
Part One—Dedicated to Drew and to Jason

Was Elvis the King of Rock? Was Michael Jackson the King of Pop? Can you even doubt that James Brown was the Godfather of Soul?

First, Pop[ular] music. Before 1930, Popular Music was very much associated with regional taste/culture and narrow exposure. The first guy to appreciate the possibilities of capturing a national audience was Bing Crosby. Incorporating Jazz phrasing learned from Louis Armstrong and Jack Teagarden and a great sense of song choice, Crosby was the first commercial entertainer to use his recordings as a substitute for his live performance. He figured the exponential impact correctly and was a successful entertainer into the 60s and lingered on into the late 70s [See his duet with David Bowie in a Christmas special doing “Little Drummer Boy.”]

Frank Sinatra is the next memorable icon, though hardly the only singer of the late-30s and 40s to be a PopStar. Many Big Bands featured romantic, handsome and/or talented vocalists who were a major feature. Trumpeter Harry James, drummer Gene Krupa, and clarinetist Artie Shaw were musicians who courted movie stars, engaged in mis-behaviour, and were very much like Mick Jagger, Glen Campbell, or Chris Robinson.

Frankie Laine, Snooky Lanson, even Tennessee Ernie Ford were singer/stars of the 50s that were on the radio, television and selling great quantities of recordings. Then came Elvis Presley.

In 1954 and 1955 Elvis started a revolution—though he did not invent it. Singers who based their entertainment approach on Louis Jordan’s Tympani Five, Bullmoose Jackson, Roy Milton, Louie Jordan, Bill Haley, were causing a ruckus, filling the gap left by the sudden decline of the Swing Era bands. Nat ‘King’ Cole, Charles Brown, and some crooner types brought fantastic textures to the market place. Elvis, though, got young people excited.

Many young folks were drawn to the visceral realm of Roy Brown, Wynonie Harris, and the new DooWop genre. The realm of the Crows, the Robins and two hundred more was exciting, new, and not like any of the music before 1945. Elvis drew from these sources and his own White cultural music, Hard Rock Gunther, Bill Monroe, and Bob Wills. [Check his first version of “Milk Cow Blues” a tune that dates back to Kokomo Arnold, where Wills probably learned it.]. Elvis, with his band, brought together a vast number of disparate elements that became Rock-a-billy and, less than four hundred days later, “Rock and Roll.”

Once the label was firm, Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley, Gene Vincent, Little Richard, and Carl Perkins were under the same ‘new’ umbrella. But, as businessmen will do, the real deal was quickly sharing the genre with Georgia Gibbs and Pat Boone. By 1958 the “Bobbies” fucked everything up. Some were talented (Bobby Darin), some were vapid (Bobby Vee, Bobby Vinton). Some were not Bobbies at all (Bobby Paul Anka and Bobby Tommy Sands) and some were too late (Johnny Burnette and Jimmy Clanton). Ricky Nelson took a while to get over his own celebrity, but he did contribute some great songs. The Everly Brothers took the simple device of singing in thirds and performed some fantastic songs.

Link Wray did the magnificent “Rumble.” Johnny & the Hurricanes did the cheerful but useless “Rocking Red River Valley.” Elvis got out of the army and did two killer tunes; “Marie is the name of his Latest Flame” and “Little Sister.” Then he folded into a shameful pile of has-been. Periodically he would offer an amusement (“Viva Las Vegas”) or a piece of crap (“Girls, Girls, Girls”). He got pseudo-operatic with “You Gave Me a Mountain” (and “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”). He got maudlin (“In the Ghetto”). He tried to be hip (“U.S.Male”). He tried to be cultivated (“My Way”). But, in reality, his creative days were over in 1958, and his genuine power was gone after 1961.

But he was the figure who got young folks excited. That is why Elvis is considered the King of Rock’n’roll. –JWfH

THE KING OF ROCK, THE KING OF POP AND
THE GODFATHER OF SOUL
PART TWO—Dedicated to Justin and to Dahvia

So it is apparent that Elvis has virtually no power after 1961. Girl groups, the Shirelles, the Chantals, the Ronettes, the Chiffons, and more to come, are a dominant segment in the market-place. Duane Eddy made the guitar a more prominent voice, leading to Dick Dale, the Chantays, and a tide of instrumental Surf bands. The Beach Boys opened the door for the Surfaris, Jan & Dean, and the other side of the Surf genre, that of the vocal groups. This offered the opportunity for the Ronnie & the Daytonas (from Memphis), the Cobras (studio band?), and the Pyramids (with a Black guitarist!) to enter the genre. The last gasp of Surf music was “New York’s a Lonely Town” by the Tradewinds in 1965.

The Folk Music Scare was in full effect. From 1958’s Kingston Trio hit “Tom Dooley” [nee “Duhla”] through Peter, Paul, and Mary, Folk music was a commercial arena. The Back Porch Singers, Pete Seeger, and the essential Bob Dylan, were to provide the foundation for the 1965 rise of a new sub-genre—Folk-Rock. Barry McGuire, the Mamas and the Papas, the Lovin’ Spoonful, and, importantly the Byrds and the Buffalo Springfield inhabited a realm that was only American. (Except of course, those pesky Brits were as good at this as they were at copping our Blues and other styles and genres. Check Chad & Jeremy, Peter & Gordon, and the Beatles.)

1960 to ’64 is a rich and overlooked era in Rock/Pop/R&B. Obscure events and records (Reparta & the Delrons, the Cookies, three-and-four track tape machines, Fender amplifiers improved, cheaper, efficient microphones, Sam Cooke leaving the Gospel genre, et al.) The Four Seasons managed to update the DooWop style as far as it could be taken. MoTown went from Smokey Robinson, the Marvelettes, Little Stevie Wonder to a huge stable of hit-makers that were always present in the charts (‘64-’74). Stax Records developed from “Green Onions” and “Last Night” to a significant contributor to American culture.

When the Beatles emerged, young people once more became excited. And with that excitement came rapid change and creativity. A Buddy Holly clone became the leader of the Bobby Fuller Four. The Warlocks, a Memphis Jug Band imitation, became the Grateful Dead. King Curtis opened a Hollywood Bowl concert. A pair of albino brothers left Texas and found their way to acclaim. A mild sub-wunderkind from the late 50s became Sir Douglas.

The Rolling Stones, John Mayall, and Paul Butterfield stimulated a curiosity in young Americans about their own inheritance. Thus B.B.King, Muddy Waters, Howlin’ Wolf, Jimmy Reed and a clutch of Chicago-based Blues musicians gained notoriety and increased their influence. The Folk folks had reintroduced Mississippi John Hurt, Sonny & Brownie, Jesse “Lonecat” Fuller and ten more, so the Blues scene flourished.

Between ’65 and ’72 the acceleration of ideas was nearly unbelievable. The Moody Blues went from a sophisticated R&B ensemble to an incredibly sophisticated orchestral presentation. Eric Clapton developed from a convincing heir to Blues authenticity to an intense Jazz-inspired [but not informed] improvisational-ist. The Yardbirds, a very experimental-minded Blues band, spawned the foundations for Jimi Hendrix, Cream, Jeff Beck’s Group, and eventually Led Zepplin. Miles Davis created “Bitch’s Brew,” as much a landmark of change as any such ‘event’ in American music history.

The Beatles traveled from a fantastic Rock band to a bunch of Rock’n’roll musicians who made it a habit to trample on boundaries. The first 60 songs fall away from memory when “Rubber Soul” appeared. That work was pushed aside for the impact of “Revolver,” which was faded by “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” The final LPs by the group stand as holy grail items.

As the Beatles became the four individuals, an expectation developed that a “New Elvis/Beatles” phenomena would develop. The two leading qualified candidates were Stevie Wonder and Elton John. Of course, Stevie Wonder had been famous since 1963, he was blind, and, he was Black. While the atmosphere for Black artists had changed since Count Basie’s 1935 reference to racism, Nat ‘King’ Cole had died before benefiting from changes, and Ray Charles had gone forward to new boundaries, America would not realign its’ habits or tastes for Wonder. Elton John received support from some quarters simply because there was a vacuum of power.

At this point [1974] Michael Jackson was a novelty, associated with the Jackson Five. The Jackson Five had not matched MoTown’s best acts—the Temptations, Smokey Robinson, and the stellar Supremes. Since Wonder had taken Berry Gordy to task, wanting new terms with his recording contract. Marvin Gaye soon wanted the same. The Jackson’s tried for similar renegotiations but separated from MoTown and benefited from this decision. Gordy kept legal ownership of the Jackson Five name and could not really exploit the family’s earlier efforts. Further, Gordy was unconnected to Michael’s rising fame.

If you want to really understand Michael Jackson’s place in the greater scheme of Rock/Pop history realize that he had twenty-seven super hit songs. Nine of those were with his brothers involvement. Only three of his ‘long playing’ discs had deep impact. Twenty-three of his solo singles failed to attract any attention.  Contrast this with the Beatles having 21 Number One singles and one Number Two (in six years). Then, as individuals they had many hits (“Imagine,” “Jet,” “My Sweet Lord”).

Year Title Highest Chart Slot
1969 “I Want You Back” 1
1969: “Who’s Lovin’ You”(b-side of “I Want You Back”) 1 [False statistic]
1970: “ABC” 1
1970: “The Love You Save” 1
1970: “I’ll Be There” 1
1970: “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
1970: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
1971: “Mama’s Pearl” 2
1971: “Never Can Say Goodbye” 2 [Cover of a previous hit]
1971: “Maybe Tomorrow” 20
1971: “Sugar Daddy” 10
1972: “Little Bitty Pretty One” 13 [Cover of a previous hit]
1972: “Lookin’ Through the Windows” 16
1972: “Doctor My Eyes” [Cover of a recent hit]
1972: “Corner of the Sky” 18
1973: “Hallelujah Day” 28
1973: “Skywriter” – 25
1973: “Get It Together” 28
1974: “The Boogie Man”
1974: “Dancing Machine” 2
1974: “Whatever You Got I Want” 38
1974: “Life Of The Party”
1974: “I Am Love (Part 1)” 15
1975: “Forever Came Today” 60
1975: “All I Do Is Think of You” (B-side of “Forever Came Today”) [False statistic]

CBS releases (The Jacksons)
Year Song title US chart
1976: “Enjoy Yourself” 6
1977: “Show You the Way to Go” 28
1977: “Dreamer” – 22
1977: “Goin’ Places” 52
1977: “Even Though You’re Gone
1978: “Different Kind Of Lady”
1978: “Music’s Taking Over”
1978: “Find Me a Girl”
1978: “Blame It on the Boogie” 54
1979: “Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground)” 7
1979: “Destiny” – 39
1980 “Lovely One” 12 29
1980: “This Place Hotel” 22
1981: “Can You Feel It” 77
1981: “Walk Right Now” 73
1981: “Time Waits For No One”
1981: “Things I Do For You”
1984: “State of Shock”(with Mick Jagger) 3
1984: “Torture” 17
1984: “Body” 47
1984: “Wait”
1987: “Time Out for The Burglar”
1988: “2300 Jackson Street”
1989: “Nothing (That Compares 2 You)” 77
1989: “Art Of Madness”

Long Player releases
1972 Got to Be There * Released: January 24, 1972
1972 Ben * Released: August 4, 1972
1973 Music & Me * Released: April 13, 1973
1975 Forever, Michael * Released: January 16, 1975
1979 Off the Wall * Released: August 10, 1979 * Label: Epic (EK #35745)
01 – Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
04 – Get On The Floor.
05 – Off The Wall
1982 Thriller * Released: November 30, 1982 * Label: Epic (EK #38112)
03 – The Girl Is Mine
04 – Thriller
05 – Beat It
06 – Billie Jean
07 – Human Nature
08 – P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
1987 Bad * Released: August 31, 1987 * Label: Epic (EK #40600)
01 – Bad
02 – The Way You Make Me Feel
07 – Man In The Mirror
08 – I Just Can’t Stop Loving You
09 – Dirty Diana
10 – Smooth Criminal
11 – Leave Me Alone
1991 Dangerous * Released: November 13, 1991 * Label: Epic (EK #45400)
08 – Black Or White
2001 Invincible * Released: October 30, 2001 * Label: Epic (EK #69400)

“—” denotes albums that weren’t released or were released but did not chart.

______________+++++++++++_____________+++++++++++++____________

Now you can compare these facts with Rod Stewart’s career, Pink Floyd, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Elton John, Stevie Wonder, Elvis, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles. Figure out that Peter Frampton means nothing. That means van Halen, AC/DC, Nirvana are not imperatives. The Who accomplished something, but Boston and Aerosmith are only significant, not essential.

To many participants in Pop Music, Van Morrison, RadioHead, Tupac Shakur, and your favorite act mean nothing. If Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, Madonna is the Queen Mother, Britney Spears is a Princess, and the royal blood-line is dependent on the genetic information provided by the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. –JWfH

just a minute

yeah, i know, i haven’t been around these parts for a spell or two.  i’ve been busy and not spending much time here in this house.  in and out in fits and starts.  plus, not being around here has been a nice vacation as well.  spending to much time here probably isn’t a good thing.  my blathering writing?  i haven’t missed it much though there are days when i think i ought to say something about something but it’s prolly just as well i don’t say anything.  one day soon i’ll probably get back at it.  i have a few more weeks before college football starts and not having anything to do here or my other place is kinda nice.  vacations are nice.  the brown eyed girl and i are fine and doing well.   a couple of cool things on the horizon for us.  diana krall live on the 22nd being the biggy. sitting under the stars at the hollywood bowl.  alfresco dining and drinking.  music by a master.  pretty sweet.  so, in the words of the late great congressman from new york, adam clayton powell, ” keep the faith, baby. ”
 
jmh

time for some music or a break in the non-action or one for triggerman

yeah, i’m still on vacation here in the land of the lotus eaters.  what can i say?  at any rate, you’re probably wondering why i’m here.  right?  well, i’m here to give you my simple opinion about hank3′s new cd, ‘assjack’. 

boy howdy, it kicks some ass.  sure, it’s not country by any stretch of anybodies imagination.  ok, maybe someone who still sprinkles peruvian marching powder on their weed then lights it up.  ah, breathe deep.  atom heart mother.  digressions.

just for the record, i have in the long ago past, done the above on a few occasions.  no more.  capisco?  i hope so.  i am also not advocating such use and/or behavior and/or use of any illegal substances.  period.  so please don’t get your panties all tied up in a knot.

this cd, ‘assjack’, is some serious heavy duty punk, speed metal, death metal stuff and i love it.  crank it up, kids.  the typical punker’s anthem of, ‘fuck you, motherfucker’, it doesn’t get much better.  plus a nice tight wall of sound that thumps the inner ear and child. 

i’m not sure if i’d sit in on this at a concert venue due to my advanced age and all but i’ll tell you what.  when i feel the need to piss off the neighborhood after a bottle or three of some primo dago red, ‘assjack’, will be my go to let’s piss the folks off cd.

every tune from the first to the last gets some and hits notes we all need to hit every once and a while.  my favorite being, ‘cocaine the white devil’.  or maybe, ‘no regrets’. 

at any rate, buy this cd if you like it loud.  punk rock loud.

TURN IT THE FUCK UP!!  WAY UP!!!!  hank3′s guitars want to kill your mother.

‘assjack’,  by hank3

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 1

yes, indeedy, it is finally that time again kids.  college football looms like the winning lottery ticket that it is.  college football the best sport on the planet.  bar none.  count on it.  the long drought is coming to a close.  week one of the shortest and finest season is upon us.  college football is here to soothe and remind us once again just why we love it so damn much.

as in past years i’ll be running down my weekly favorites.  10 games each week, along with the lines from vegas.  as usual, i’ll be picking one team over the other.  and hopefully, i’ll pick the winner. 

just remember that any advice i give here is for fun only.  anyone stupid enough to take my advice and bet with the big boys in vegas or with your local football betting guy would be insane at best.  i hope you understand this.  yeah, some weeks i do pretty good and others not so good.  so, just don’t do it.

also the odds posted here might change between now and game time.  that doesn’t matter here.  i go by what’s here for my wins and loses each week.  capice?  

as always, my mantra remains: leave your money in your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt.  take that to heart, folks.

so, with all that being said it’s time to play some football.

rock ‘n’ roll!!!!

9/3  utah at utah st.  utah favored by 20.5 points.  long time readers know i love the old ‘wac’ and some of the teams that were in that old dead league.  well, here’s a couple of them.  utah more to the point.  it’s a shame this one takes place the first week of the season.  if it had only been down the road a piece, utah st, might have had a glimmer of a chance at covering the spread.  not this time though.  take utah to cover the points and win.

9/3  oregon at boise st.  oregon favored by 4 points.  my beloved ducks travel to the smurf turf for an important game.  a game that will make a statement about the coming season for both teams.  a new head coach at oregon but still in most top pre-season top 25′s.  i have them going 9-3, i think.  i could look it up but i’d just lose steam here.  i don’t think the game will be as close as the point spread predicts.  take the ducks to run away with this one.  oregon covers the points and wins.  GO DUCKS!!!

9/5  san jose st at usc.  usc favored by 34 points.  pete carroll is doing somebody somewhere a favor by scheduling this team.  a ton of points along with a new frosh starting qb.  but my other favorite college football team should have no trouble covering the spread and winning.  take the trojans.  FIGHT ON USC!!!

9/5  san diego st at ucla.  ucla favored by 19 points.  another old wac school that since the break-up has fallen on hard times.  however, ucla has been in a tailspin as well.  the bruins should do better this year and just might manage a bowl game.  maybe.  a lot depends on stuff working with their offense. time tells.  this is a tough one.  lots of points and two teams that have been struggling.  what the heck.  take ucla to win and cover the spread.

9/5  navy at ohio st.  ohio st favored by 21.5.  the dreaded buckeyes. what can i say?  other than take navy to cover the spread.  ohio wins but not by 21.5.

9/5  georgia at oklahoma st.  oklahoma st favored by 5.5 points.  the cowboys are a media darling this year.  as well they should be.  though the interesting thing here is, they are just getting the home team sorta six points against the dawgs.  somebody knows something but i’m gonna swallow the kool-aid and take oklahoma st to cover and win.

9/5  western michigan at michigan.  michigan favored by 12.5 points.  after last years dumpster season big blue need to prove something.  i’m semi surprised at the seemingly lack of faith the boys in vegas are showing them this year and this game in particular.  also early season print rumors of michigan violating ncaa practice rules does not bode well.  another time tells deal.  walking the plank here and taking michigan to win and cover the spread.

9/5  byu at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 22.5 points.  oklahoma where the wind comes blowing…god, help me, please…every bodies number one team this year.  tons of returning kids trying to put their hold (again) on the big dance game come this january.  they want to win this time.  ok, so what we have here is another old wac school that’s had a few stones to toss into any number of big schools football works over the years.  can they do it again this week?  boy howdy, i sure hope so.  take the cougars to cover the spread.  the sooners might win but it sure ain’t gonna be by 22.5.

alabama at virginia tech.  alabama favored by 7 points.  tech gets the home team 6 and one more.  interesting.  bama is another of my old time faves.  this year could be their year.  lots of returning starters.  plus time to get past last season.  take bama to cover and win.  ROLL TIDE!!!

9/5  lsu at washington.  lsu favored by 17 points.  a semi sorta bunch of points against the new and improved huskies.  ???.  a new coach from a great program, usc.  has he overcome the ennui that overcame the huskies at the end of the last season?  time do tell and i wish the huskies well.  however, take lsu to cover and win.

with the fires here in so calif the ucla game may be postponed until later in the season.  the air quality is in the dumpster here.  yes, i know but it’s much worse than the usual mess.  they are going to decide tomorrow as to what they are going to do.  so, if the game is set back my replacement game will be:

9/5  stanford at washington st.  stanford favored by 17 points.  stanford is once again a pac 10 dark horse with a much less darker color this year.  smart kids and a very good coach.  watch out trojans and bears.  take stanford to win and cover.

that is it for the first week.  as usual top heavy with my favorite teams and conferences.  the pac-10 and the mountain west boys.  at any rate, it will probably only get more so as the season progresses.  just don’t get stupid.  leave your money in your wallets. 

fire up the barbie.  pop some brews and enjoy the spectacle of college football.  the best game in town.

jmh

a brief history of music

my friend, jwfh, sent me this in an email a week or so ago.  it is pretty much self explanitory.  at any rate, he started his fall jazz history class last night.  i hope it went well.  i’m sure he’ll venture more into this during the semester and year.  thanks, doc.

jmh

surf city, usa or point break(?)

it’s the last official weekend of summer.  years ago my last official weekend of summer usually ended sometime in october when the water at the beach began to get a little to cold for comfort.  and the sun’s rays a bit to weak for tanning.  ah, a lifetime ago in the sun.  i have skin carbuncles as a mute testimony of those long ago days.
  

the beach of choice was usually huntington.  surf city, usa.  though many others were tossed into the mix of a lifetime of beach going.  orange county beaches were always the favorite.
 

these photos have appeared here in my blog before.  not this blog but my other blog that i deleted the last time i deleted my other place.  confusing but it really doesn’t matter.

a few years ago my friend, dfr, sent me a bunch of old huntington beach photos.  old photos of olden days and king oil.  oil wells to rival texas or one of those far middle east places.  oil wells thick as fleas on a mongrel dog.  yeah, so calif was once a kick ass oil producing hot bed.

huntington beach in particular.  oil so abundant it oozed up under the water coating your feet with a thick tar when you went swimming, body surfing or surfing.  of course that was long ago.  the price of land all over so calif making the oil wells and smaller cricket pumpers just wisps of imagination.  but rest assured they were here and alive.  a few of the cricket pumpers still live in a few places.  sad lonely reminders of long ago.

back when i was a kid the wells were still around but not alive to the extend of what you see in the photos.  they were just mere ghosts of the past.  but still around.  by the early 60′s oil gave way to a housing boom that still, to this day plods sadly on.

the brown eyed girl and i watched, ‘point break’, the other night.  it was her first time.  i’ve seen it any number of times.  it’s one of my all time faves.  after that last viewing i’m ready to move it into my top ten.  the brown eyed girl wasn’t or isn’t that impressed by the movie.  it really doesn’t matter that much.  the beach scenes of huntington in the movie and my wandering through some of the old photos of the old days made it necessary for me to write this and share s few of the photos with you because…
 

it’s the last days of summer here in locust land.  dreams still die hard.  the old visions want to hang on.  hang on for what may or may not be eternity. 

huntington beach, circa 1964.  

huntington beach, circa 1954.  my friend dfr and fellow summer campers.

the old days looking south at pacific coast highway.

when oil was king.

the huntington beach plunge.  an indoor swimming pool with salt and fresh water pools.  they were still around in the 50′s.  i loved them as a kid when the rip tides and undertow’s were howling they were a refuge. 

the beach from the pier.

fade to color.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 2

week 1 of the college season got off to an odd or strange start.  the oregon/boise st game being a sad harbinger of a possible bleak future for college ball.  at any rate, i was 6 for 10.  not too bad with two stellar picks: navy and byu.

before i get going on this week’s selections i want to weigh in on the sad ending to the oregon/boise st game last thursday night.  there can be no excuse for legarrette blount’s actions after the game.  for those of you who don’t know what i’m talking about blount cold cocked a boise st player then went more or less more berserk going after fans in the stands and had to be restrained.  one of my cousin’s said he was lucky the cops didn’t have to taze him.  yeah, it was ugly.  a sad statement on that iceberg up ahead in college football.

blount was suspended from the team for the remainder of the year.  though he got to keep his scholarship and continues to practice with the team.  now, there’s a rumor that he may end up being able to play again this year.  oofa.  i love the ducks and have for years.  i’m sickened and saddened by the schools actions behind blount’s felonious stupidity.  blount had already been suspended earlier in the year.  he should have been tossed out of school for this deal.  period.  and his scholarship given to some academic student instead.  the only way the sad slope of douche bag college athletes is going to perhaps end is if they are all dealt with a very heavy hand.  screw up and you are gone, dumb ass.  no exceptions.

take that to heart ncaa.  if you want to continue to be the second rated spectator sport in the country.  because if something is not done about the dumb ass gangster element of college football, i for one will vote with my feet and stop watching.  count on it. 

ok.  there now i feel better.  as for this weeks games it was sorta hard to come up with anything that rang any bells.  yeah, there are of course my usual faves and one or two are in a good match-up but the rest of the schedule is shaky.  just remember to leave your wallet where it belongs and no one gets hurt.  the point spreads will probably change a bit before game day.  too bad.  what is here is what i use.  these picks are just for fun and my amusement.  taking what i deal out and betting on the game is and would be very very stupid.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/10  clemson at georgia tech.  georgia tech favored by 5 points.  i’m not real thrilled about this one.  but it’s on tv thursday night.  the brown eyed girl will be at her sculpture class.  i’ll be home alone with the cat, drinking beer, and watching the game.  pretty cool.  i hope clemson wins but i’m not that crazy.  so, take georgia tech to win and cover.

9/12  iowa at iowa st.  iowa favored by 6 points.  after last weeks squeaker against northern iowa.  iowa needs a good game here.  though this one could go either way.  take iowa to win and cover.

9/12  ucla at tennessee.  tennessee favored by 8 points.  ucla played well last week.  time to play well again against a much better team.  i hope they do.  however, take tennessee to win and cover.

9/12  purdue at oregon.  oregon favored by 12.  oregon did not play well at all last week.  if they don’t turn it around here they might end up like the huskies did last year.  and i’m not just saying that.  i have no clue just what the problem was.  but i do know things need to change.  dumping blount might help.  chip kelly needs to step up and just do it.  purdue isn’t very good.  i expect the ducks to win, cover, and score big time.  ok?   GO DUCKS!!!

9/12  notre dame at michigan.  the golden domers favored by 3.5 points.  notre dame did well last week.  so did big blue.  i’m counting on michigan to take it to the irish.  take michigan to win and cover.

9/12  air force at minnesota.  minnesota favored by 4 points.  the golden gophers played well in their opener.  this is the falcon’s first game of the year.  old time readers know i like air force because they are one of the last schools that is liable and capable of running any number of offenses and plays.  and one of the stand outs in the old wac.  favorites die hard in these parts.  take air force to at least cover and maybe even win.

9/12  usc at ohio st.  usc favored by 6.5 points.  the night game on abc.  one of the stellar match-ups since the 60′s.  simple and easy.  take usc to cover and win.  FIGHT ON USC!!!

9/12  hawaii at washington st.  hawaii favored by 2 points.  i’m surprised it isn’t more due to the fact washington st, the school, already has over 2,000 cases of swine flu.  good lord.  wash you hands with soap and water after reading this one, kids.  if the cougars can even field 11 players they might get lucky.  at any rate, take hawaii to win and cover.

9/12  stanford at wake forest.  wake forest favored by 2.5 points.  stanford is for real.  take stanford to win. 

9/12  tcu at virginia.  tcu favored by 11 points.  tcu’s defense should be back.  take tcu to win and cover.

that’s it for this week.  don’t be stupid.  simple easy.

jmh

if it were only so

the brown eyed girl and were on the road labor day heading to a relatives house for a bbq.  it was a nice day.  no triple digit temps like we’ve had for the past couple of weeks.  all in all it was a fairly decent drive to and from the bbq.  but that ain’t why i’m here. 

several years ago the late great state of california passed a law banning cell phone use while driving.  it’s like a couple hundred dollar fine for driving and using one.  that is if they catch you or feel like messing with you considering there’s more stupid people out there doing even dumber stuff.  however, most folks on a cell phone and driving can barely drive.  if they ever could.  drive that is.

now don’t laugh, but this past year the state has also passed a new law that bans texting while driving.  yeah, whoda thunk you’d even need to pass a law like that?  i mean come on!!!  well, yeah, there’s now that law but there’s still dumb fucks out there texting and driving down the freeway at 70 miles per.  i see them all the time.  yesterday in particular.

to backtrack a step or two, our wonderfully delusional federal government is just to the point of considering, just considering mind you, that any state that doesn’t ban texting while driving would lose federal highway funds.  is that even something you need to consider?  how about just doing it for christ’s sake!  or for maybe your life’s sake.

at any rate, i see these dumb ass stupid folks all the time texting away while driving.  they are usually the ones that can’t seem to stay in their lane or are swerving between the lines if they can actually stay in their lane.  sure, there’s lots of drunks out there but they are just a drop in the bucket compared to driving a car and using a cell phone plus texting douche bags.

something sorta came to the two of us at the same time labor day.  an invention was needed to help curtail these dumb ass folks.  granted, most of them are kids but there are a number of older and supposedly wiser folks doing it as well.  we need an invention that would stop the madness.  stop it right in it’s tracks.

before i tell you our idea all i want out of the deal is if someone can come up with the hardware to do it would be a few freebies of the invention.  ok?  if one does eventually come out i’m gonna find you and get a few of them.  a few of them for free.  capisco? 

we all know the cops are too busy dealing with other shit.  however, when one of the texting morons gets in an accident it screws things up for all of us on way too many levels.  sooooooo…what is needed is a small electronic device.  a hand held thingy. 

say you are driving down the interstate or just going to score a half gallon of milk.  you see some moron using his or her cell phone or worse yet, bleeding texting and driving.  there are for sure no cops around.  if they were they prolly wouldn’t do anything anyway.  that’s where this new device and you would come in very very handy.

you would just need to point the device at the offender push a button and their cell phone would die.  forever.  it would never work again as the circuitry would be fried.  with no way to repair it.  simple easy.

on an other note, the device could prolly also be made to work on the ass holes who run read lights.  no cop around to write them up?  just point the device at the car and the car would slowly and safely pull over to the side of the road and can’t be started again until the offender has signed his or her ticket.  ah, pure bliss.  though that aspect of the device could lead to problems and abusers of the device.  but i think it could be worked out.  right?

i know there’s somebody out there reading this who could come up with that device or knows someone who can make it happen.  just do it.  the life you save just might be yours.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 3

last week was one of those dark and dismal affairs and a prime example of why i tell my readers not to listen to me and my predictions.  i went 3 for 10.  not a bad stat for a baseball player but terrible for a football handicapper.  my combined stats for the season so far are, 9 for 20.  oofa.  however, i remain undaunted and it’s time to plod along again with this weeks games.  but before that happens i have to say in my own delusional defense, i would have done better but the point spread in a few games was my downfall.  my teams won but didn’t cover the spread.  ce est la vie.     

remember to leave your wallet alone.  don’t rush off to vegas or your local guy and dump a bundle on my picks.  or anybodies picks for that matter.  the road to the poor house is paved with stupid bettors.  understand?  this is for fun only.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/18  boise st at fresno st.  boise st favored by 7 points.  boise st is not getting much love here from the point spread mavens.  then again it doesn’t seem like fresno st is what they were last year.  i’m no big fan of boise st for a couple of reasons, which i’ve run down before.  the primary reason is they are a 3rd tier school who play a crappy schedule.  though this year it seems any number of schools are following their example.  a sad state of affairs if there ever was one.  forget about it.  take fresno st to cover the spread and if their is a mickey mouse they might even pull out a win.

9/19  arizona at iowa.  iowa favored by 5 points.  ok.  so the deal here is my being a pac 10 honk and homer.  take arizona to cover the 5 and maybe or probably win.  roll pac 10!!!

9/19  utah at oregon.  oregon favored by 4.  if the boys of utah can overcome the noise and insanity of a duck game at home they just might pull off an upset.  the magic word being ‘IF’.  then again, i’m not that happy about the ducks play so far this year.  crap.  take the ducks to cover and win.  GO DUCKS!!! please!!

9/19  usc at washington.  usc favored by 21 points.  sure the frosh starting qb has issues this week.  no one knows if he will even start.  plus the trojans stunk the joint up last week with their win over the buckeyes.  a stinky win but i’ll take it.  none the less, it’s a bunch of points and the huskies will probably want to put it up for their new coach and ex-trojan.  plus, they played well against lsu and it’s another road game for the men of troy.  the spread may change over the week but i’m here and doing it now.  take the trojans to win and cover.  FIGHT ON USC!!!

9/19  kansas st at ucla.  ucla favored by 12.  fine but who’s going to play qb?  a good question i’m sure.  coach rick probably is wishing he still had some eligibility left so he could start for the bruins again.  i’m not so sure the bruins can pull this one off this week.  then again kansas st is not kansas.  out on a limb here.  take the bruins to win and cover.

9/19  michigan st at notre dame.  notre dame favored by 10 points.  cutting to the chase, i like michigan st’s chances here.  they may not win but i think they will cover.  i hope they win.  just do it, spartens.

9/19  california at minnesota.  cal favored by 14 points.  the only thing certain about this game is only one of them will remain unbeaten.  cal looks good so far and they should cover the spread and win.  ROLL PAC 10!!

9/19  air force at new mexico.  air force favored by 17 points.  we will be in new mexico in a couple of weeks hitting the hot spots so that’s why i’m sticking this game in here.  i think the falcons will win but i don’t think they will cover the spread.  take new mexico and a side of  hatch green chiles.

9/19  florida st at byu.  byu favored by 7 points.  perhaps the game of the week.  and byu’s chance to keep that monkey wrench rolling in the bcs gears.  take byu to win and cover.

9/19  texas tech at texas.  texas favored by 17.5 points.  my semi sorta alma mater, texas tech, travels to the university of texas.  i’m taking texas tech to cover the spread and hopefully win.  you, on the other hand, should visit the texas tech vietnam center and archive at: http://vietnam.ttu..edu/

that’s it for this weeks picks.  enjoy the games.  leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt.

jmh

just another old country album(?)

one of my friends wrote in his blog last week something along the lines that, why would he want to write about an album that was like three years old?  yeah, why?  i mean i do it all the time.  some of the music i’ve written about is at least 30 or 40 years old.  some even older in the case of ella fitzgerald.  i really don’t see anything wrong with it because you just might turn someone on to the music that had never heard it before.  a good thing to be sure.

the cd in question today is one i’ve had in the car pretty much since i bought it a few months back.  i play it over and over.  cranked up at serious levels.  of course, the brown eyed girl doesn’t like to hear it more than once a week but that’s fine.  at least she’ll tap her foot now when i do play it and she’s in the car.  trust me that’s a good sign.

well, the cd is from 1999 and it’s by hank III, ‘risin’ outlaw’.  yeah, it’s ten years old.  i’ll tell you what, this cd is what country is all about.  hank III has put out some really nice country stuff.  country stuff that is head and shoulders above anything going on in pop country these days.  ‘risin’ outlaw’, is what country music ought to be.  though sadly that’s not the case.

hank III and the boys take a trip down the country western hillbilly highway with this one.  some of the finest pickin’ and harmonies since hank senior and the boys.  count on it.  from the opening track, ‘i don’t know’, to the last, ‘blue devil’, the band kicks it out with all their collective hearts.

a few of my favorites are, ‘on my own’, a great drinkin’ tune if there ever was one.  and ‘cocaine blues’, a fine tribute to johnny cash.  along with the haunting, ‘thunderstorms and neon signs’, perhaps one of the finest road songs ever written.

do yourself a favor and find hank III’s, ‘risin’ outlaw’.  buy it.  play it.  loud.  then you’ll understand.  boy howdy, country music at it’s all time best.

jmh

thunderstorms and neon signs or a pox on me(?)

the brown eyed girl and i will be leaving on a 10 day or so road trip early next week.  that is unless my current bout with shingles takes a turn for the worse.  the shingles came on last thursday night.  i thought i’d been bitten by a spider.  no such luck.  i’m on the steroids and i’m starting to look like the guvernator in his old days.  yeah, right.  plus i’m taking the usual other stuff so hopefully things will be ok and the trip will go down.   

i’m using the title of an old hank III tune here as the title for this blog as i think the song is a great road tune.  this trip more than likely won’t be one of my usual fear and loathing road runs.  at least that isn’t the plan.  though if i’m lucky i’ll have one of those in a few months.  veering here.

at any rate, we’ll be traveling around the southwest.  with stops at sedona, the grand canyon, elephant butte, santa fe, albuquerque, and flagstaff.  not necessarily in that order but sorta and maybe taos as well.  we are both looking forward to the trip. 

the brown eyed girl has relatives in a few of the stops so it will be cool meeting my new kinfolk and seeing a few again that i’ve already met.  plus, some spectacular scenery as well.  with any luck we should have a number of nice photos to share with you when we get back.

if any of you have any suggestions regarding things to see in any of those spots feel free to send them along.  we would appreciate it.  also, if you have some cool places for a bite to eat they would be appreciated too.  we’ve got things to do and see but more options are always welcome.

a sedona, az sunset.  something i hope we see on a daily basis.

 

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 4

after the previous weeks fiasco this past weekends picks were pretty good, as i went 7 for 10 and 16 for 30 overall.  things are looking up.  of course, the trojans sadly lost.  more on that in this weeks picks.  just a reminder kids, this is for fun only.  taking what i deal out here to your local bookie or las vegas would be fool hardy at best.  actually, it would be stupid.  yes, well, these days stupidity seems to reign.  be that as it may.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/24  mississippi at s. carolina.  ole miss favored by 3 points.  a tight game and pretty much may as well be a toss up.  mississippi used to be one of my faves when i was feeling it back in the day when i was stupid enough to actually throw money down on this stuff.  two good coaches and it should be a good game.  take mississippi to win and cover.

9/26  san diego st at air force.  air force favored by 16.5 points.  yes, indeed more also rans in the wac and mountain west.  but i don’t care.  air force is another one of my teams.  what can i say?  take the falcons to cover and win.

9/26  arkansas at alabama.  bama favored by 15.5 points.  an interstate rivalry game of epic proportions.  forget whatever slick willie says about the game and take bama to cover and win.  ROLL TIDE!!!    

9/26  california at oregon.  cal favored by 6 points.  i was about ready to count the ducks down and out for the season.  however, after last weeks game i’m not so sure anymore.  california is for real but it’s early and their late october into november swan dive isn’t due for a few more weeks.  of course, that remains to be seen.  but history…  the game.  we have the craziness of a duck home crowd cranked up on a variation of west nile virus and rabies.  if cal can manage to overcome that they might pull it off.  i love the ducks so take them to at least cover the points and maybe even win.  one of the best games of the week.  GO DUCKS!!!!!!  QUACK!!

9/26  washington at stanford.  stanford favored by 7 points.  will there be a let down after the huskies big game win over the trojans?  i don’t think so.  the huskies seem to be for real and stanford is catching them a week to late.  ah, perhaps.  no bandwagon jumping as yet.  the sleeper game of the week.  take stanford to win and cover.   

9/26  louisville at utah.  utah favored by 13 points.  utah needs to, hopefully, bounce back after last week at oregon.  can they?  how badly do they want a big time end of the year big dance game?  go get em, utes.  take utah to win and cover.

9/26  notre dame at purdue.  notre dame favored by 7.5 points.  not much faith in the golden domers this week against a hapless purdue team.  no one is sold on the domers and charlie this year.  me either.  i’ll probably rue this decision come saturday afternoon but take notre dame to cover and win.  crap.

9/26  iowa at penn st.  penn st favored by 10 points.  one of the few decent teams joe pa and the boys play this season.  joe pa is going the way of boise st this year.  a chump schedule for the most part.  if there is a donald duck or donald trump the hawk-eyes kick some joe pa butt for his cupcake schedule.  take iowa to win or at least make it close.

9/26  washington st at usc.  usc favored by 44 points.  say what?  oofa.  even if the freshman comes back they aren’t gonna win by 44.  if he doesn’t and that other kid goes again forget about it.  it’s no wonder he lost the job to the freshman.  he’s not very good.  sark and the rest of the old trojan coaching crew took coach pete to the cleaners last weekend.  i knew it was over when pete had that look in his eye.  a look not unlike my 95 year old mom’s look when she isn’t quite sure just where she is or just what’s going on.  pete gets that same look on occasion.  he had it last year at oregon st and he gets it now and again in some games but he usually comes out of it.  not last week.  he was the deer in sark’s headlights.  road kill.  it also goes to show that you can’t lose a good part of your staff to one school.  they know you and will own you.  the cougars might not be that good this year.  though they have a very good coach.  another rueful decision?  take washington st to get inside that 44 point spread.

9/26  new mexico st at new mexico.  new mexico favored by 9.5 points.  bragging rights for the land of enchantment.  take the university of new mexico lobos to win and cover.      

there ya go, kids.  this weeks picks and some potential great games.  enjoy them.  leave your wallet in your pocket and things will go just fine.  pop a brew or two and heat up the barbie.  watch games till your better half gets fed up say like around 8pm(pst) saturday night.  or maybe like 6:30pm.  yeah, well.  roll while you can.  me too.

the weekend of october the 3rd i’ll be on a road trip into new mexico with the brown eyed girl.  i’m not sure what i’ll have for that week but i should have something, probably on monday the 28th.  as for the week of the 10th, this spot will be vacant.  deal with it on your own.  i’ll be in flagstaff.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 5

i know it’s a bit early but the road is calling and I’m going on it this coming week.  not a bad week for me last week.  i went 6 for 10.  a couple of surprises for me but i did get the ducks, usc and joe pa right.  need i say more?  my over all for the year is now 22 for 40.  ok but nothing stellar. 

since I’m heading out this weeks picks will not include the point spreads.  it’s way too early for that, even for me.  so, I’m just picking winners for this weeks games.  no points involved.  winners only.  even with that, taking what i’m dealing out to a bookie or vegas would be stupid at best.  don’t do it.  leave your money in your wallet.  ok?

there will be no picks here for week six.  you are on your own.  i’ll be on vacation.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/2  utah st at byu.  might be a good game.  utah bragging rights of a sort.  if byu lets down a notch or two they could end up like new mexico did last saturday.  it is never easy.  however, take byu to win.

10/3  florida st at boston college.  one of those old rivalry games out of the past.  for old times sake i’m going with boston college who seems to finally be playing some ball.  take boston college to win.

10/3  alabama at kentucky.  this should be another sorta easy win for the tide.  but like i said nothing is ever easy.  take bama to win.  roll tide!!!

10/3  washington at notre dame.  this might be a good game.  washington i’m sure will fall out of the top 25.  notre dame might be in it this week but probably not.  as no one is impressed.  there’s a national radio sport talk show host who predicted, before the season, the irish would win the national championship this year.  yeah, he was on a acid and china white high at the time.  that was never going to happen.  washington is pretty good.  as good as the golden domers and they have a better qb.  take washington to win.

10/3  lsu at georgia.  take lsu to win.

10/3  oklahoma at miami florida.  miami went down last saturday.  they will go down again this week.  take oklahoma to win.

10/3  michigan at michigan st.  probably a good game.  to bad it’s not in the big house.  take michigan to win.

10/3  washington st at oregon.  the ducks blew out the bears last week.  an amazing show of offense and defense.  just amazing, lads.  they might be on the comeback trail.  stay focused.  take the ducks to win.  go ducks!!! QUACK  QUACK!!

10/3  ucla at stanford.  no brainer here.  norm chow, not with standing.  take stanford to win.               

10/3  usc at california.  maybe the best game of the week.  cal was embarrassed by the ducks.  best is now more than likely out of the heisman hunt.  the trojans not that impressive at home over washington st.  both schools need to step up.  take usc to win.  FIGHT ON!!!

pretty simple stuff here as i need to start packing.  plus, tiger tees it up in a bit as well.  remember, nothing here for week 6.  have some fun watching the games and i’ll see you again in a couple of weeks with my week 7 predictions. 

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 7

the road trip thru the southwest is over and i’m back.  for those of you that care some fairly spectacular photos of said trip will be posted up here probably by tomorrow morning.  but that’s not why i’m here.  this is all about college football the best sport in the country.

ok.  so my last picks were for week 5.  i went 6 for 10 on those games. giving me 28 for 50 overall.  nothing to get excited about but none the less not shabby either.  just remember this is for fun and betting on my so called wisdom would be insanity at best.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.  also, i go by the odds you see here.  they may change over the week but unless it’s a huge change i really don’t care, as the odds here are what i go by to determine my wins and loses. 

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/14  boise st at tulsa.  boise st favored by 10 points.  the blue turf smurf team finally gets an opponent that just might give then a good game.  too bad the ducks game was their first for both schools this year.  if it were played today we’d have a different outcome to be sure.  count on it.  but that’s water under the bridge.  what i want to know is just how boise st can be considered for a national championship when they play teams like: bowling green and u c davis.  at any rate, i’m taking tulsa to beat the spread and maybe even win.  and hopefully when the dreaded computer kicks in for the bcs rankings we see some justice here.

10/17  oklahoma at texas.  texas favored by 3.5 points.  one of the best games of the weekend.  take the sooners to cover and or win.

10/17  iowa at wisconsin.  wisconsin favored by 3 points.  i just don’t see this one at all.  sure, it’s a badger home game.  sure, they are doing well.  sure.  take the hawkeyes to cover or win.

10/17  usc at notre dame.  usc favored by 10 points.  the golden domers broke into the top 25 after last weeks win.  yawn.  they will drop out after this game.  take usc to win and cover.  one of the best going this weekend.  FIGHT ON!!!!

10/17  texas tech at nebraska.  nebraska favored by 10.5 points.  as usual i have to go with my sorta alma mater texas tech.  take the red raiders to get inside the spread at the very least and hopefully win.  also, be sure and visit: http//www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

10/17  california at ucla.  california favored by 3.5 points.  despite the bruins lose to the ducks last week i think they are doing pretty well for a team that just can’t find a quarterback.  though coach rick says he is sticking with somebody or another.  probably.  maybe.  at any rate, the bears hit the loss column early this year and if history is any example they won’t do much better the rest of the season.  if the bruins can stop best they have more than a chance to win this one.  take ucla.

10/17  arkansas at florida.  florida favored by 24.5 points.  boy howdy.  it’s a gift.  take arkansas to get inside that spread.  and it would not surprise me if they even win the game.

10/17  virginia tech at georgia tech.  virgina tech favored by 3 points.  another of those semi sorta toss ups.  take georgia tech to win or cover.

10/17  s. carolina at alabama.  bama favored by 17.  this one could be a sleeper.  no, not in that sense.  the gamecocks might maybe just have a plan.  or something.  one of the best games this week.  a bunch of points but no matter if the tide comes to play.  take bama to win and cover.  ROLL TIDE!!!

10/ 17  washington at arizona st.  arizona st favored by 7 points.  so far the southwest has been very cool by usual standards this fall.  we are even supposed to get a good dose of rain tonight and tomorrow.  but by friday back to the 90′s here in socal.  so, maybe just maybe, the huskies get a break in the weather and get another win.  take the huskies and the outside shot at cool temps on game day.  yes, i know.  i just right em.  i don’t explain em.

another fine weekend of college football coming up.  enjoy it while it lasts.  the interminable seasons of hockey and basketball are coming back.  baseball probably won’t have a world series champ by thanksgiving.  my point?  thank god for college football.

jmh

arizona and new mexico road trip w/ photos – october 2009

our trip to the southwest went very well.  fine scenery and company plus  some great food and drink along the way.  what could be better?  as a matter of fact, we’re already planning our next sojourn into northern arizona and southern new mexico.  long lazy stays in both places with none of the 400 mile drives and associated moving every few days.  the long drives were the killer.  trust me, 400 plus mile drives every few days are not something we want to tackle again any time soon.

all and all a fantastic trip.  great scenery leading the way.  i could boor you with the details of daily stuff with some days much better than others.  i won’t do that.  i’ll just let the photos tell the story.  we think there’s magic in a few of them.  hmm, yeah, sedona can do that.  a magical place if there ever was one.

the grand canyon has a bit of magic as well.  we saw it on one of it’s hazier days.  although it was still stunning if not exhausting.  elephant butte, new mexico.  the place where an old dam makes a lake of the rio grande. 

yes, the road still holds some magic.  we found that magic in the southwest. 

a room with a view in sedona, az.

approaching sunset sedona. az.

sunrise and another sunset in sedona, az.

the grand canyon on a hazy windy cold day.

grand canyon sunset.

manny’s buckhorn in san antonio, new mexico.  voted one of the best burger joints in the usa.  fabulous green chile cheeseburgers. 

elephant butte, new mexico.

the harvest moon over elephant, butte.

the old plaza in santa fe, new mexico.

yours truly waiting for a table at the plaza cafe santa fe, new mexico.  one of the best meals on the adventure.

 

the lorreto chapel in santa fe.  and the staircase.  a story worth looking up.

hasta la vista, sedona.  we will be back.

all photos copyrighted 2009 john hauge.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 8

back at it again for another round of college football insanity.  last week i went 7 for 10 and just missed doing considerably better by a point or two in a few games.  we are at way past the half way point in the season and i’m 35 for 60.  not too shabby.  remember i missed week six as i was on a road trip. 

these picks are for fun only and using any info here to actually bet on any of these games would be very very stupid on your part.  leave your wallet in your pocket and things will be just fine.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/24  arkansas at mississippi.  mississippi favored by 5.5 points.  i’m thinking the only reason the razorbacks aren’t favored is it’s a home game for ole miss and the boys can’t believe their eyes as far as arkansas goes the past few games.  the game is not a gift like last week’s game but arkansas will win or cover the spread. 

10/24  oregon at washington.  oregon favored by 8 points.  the road back continues for the ducks.  putting on my pac 10 homer hat and predicting the ducks win and cover.  GO DUCKS!!  QUACK QUACK!! 

10/24  penn st at michigan.  penn st favored by 4.5 points.  i just can’t buy in to joe pa and the boys this year.  they lose again.  take michigan to win or cover.

10/24  iowa at michigan st.  a toss up at this point in the week.  iowa is another school that just can’t get any respect this year from the mainstream folks.  however, they have been here.  take iowa to win.    

10/24  tcu at byu.  byu favored by 2 points.  as good as tcu looked last week against boise st i’m still taking byu to win and cover.

10/24  florida at mississippi st.  florida favored by 22 points.  florida didn’t cover last week and i don’t think they will again this week.  take mississippi st to cover the spread.

10/24  texas at missouri.  texas favored by 14 points.  take missouri because they will get inside those 14 points.

10/24  oregon st at usc.  usc favored by 20.5 points.  usc didn’t cover last week against the hapless golden domers.  usc lost to oregon st last year.  oregon st still has the brothers rogers running wild.  a very hard pair to deal with.  hopefully, coach pete has figured them out.  a tough call, take usc to win and cover.  FIGHT ON!!!

10/24  boston college at notre dame.  notre dame favored by 8 points.  the two biggest catholic schools in the country duke it out.  the golden domers gave it their all last week and came up short against usc.  though they did amazingly enough cover the spread.  that not with standing take boston college to cover the spread and probably win.

10/24  boise st at hawaii.  boise st favored by 25 points.  boise st did not cover the spread last week against tcu.  they won’t cover again this week as well.  take hawaii to get inside the 25.

there you have my picks for week number 8.  the season will be over before you know it.  and the jones for college football will be back by february at the latest.  enjoy the games and don’t get stupid. 

if you like reading my take on college football stay tuned to this spot as i will have another college football blog up at the end of the week.  one you won’t want to miss. 

jmh

the strange case of the bcs

i’ve been messing with this one for a few days now.  i’m angry.  not at what i’ve written, even though it might be hard to follow.  but then what else is new as far as my stuff goes?  no, i’m angry at college football, tv networks, congress and just about everyone else as well.    

the years first bcs computerized nonsense poll came out last weekend after the games.  we get another one after the games this week and after every other one until the season is over.  those of you that follow and love college football have many reasons to dislike the bcs poll on numerous levels.  me too.  especially after seeing boise st and cincinnati crouching just under the radar for a shot at the national championship game.  a shot i’m not real happy about.  but then i’m old and old school.

however, with my frazzled synapses and mis-firing neurons i’d forgotten all about what went down after last season or maybe even earlier.  i haven’t a clue as to an exact date.  a very sad state of affairs in both cases.  several schools, most notably utah and boise st, got the hairballs in washington dc to hold hearings on the seemingly unfair deal that is the bcs and their big money games at the end of the year.  sen orrin hatch, was the most visible and he yammered about fairness and other such dumbness.

dumbness, like giving a third tier school, such as boise st, a shot at the national title game if they went 12 and oh.  our wonderful government has nothing better to do than stick it’s collective nose into places it has no business.  college football being one of those premiere areas.  though our esteemed leader has said he’d like to see a playoff in college football.  hopefully, he will keep his and congresses nose out of the deal.  the bcs is bad enough right now without further meddling by those lame bozos.

their meddling, so far, has turned the best sport in the nation into a coed t-ball league for cry baby 5 year olds.  a league where even if you play the likes of say, u c davis or southeastern st university of chicken pluckers, and beat them.  why, by golly, you can play in the national championship game.  you went 12 and oh with your patsy schedule of third and fourth tier cupcake schools.  well done.  oofa.  

i’m sorry.  i don’t want to see it.  at all.  you can have your t-ball for whinny third tier school athletic directors and their ilk.  i don’t want to see watered down college football games.  games where everybody must play.  games where nobody really wins.  games where there are no winners. just losers like us.  

you say, ‘but, john, that isn’t happening and won’t happen.’  yeah, right.  just give them a little more time.  a little more whining.  then just wait and see.  because you can soon count on some women’s college field hockey team playing boise st, in the beloved rose bowl, for the national championship of college football.

ridiculous you say?  why he’s been at the absolut trough again.  no kids, not yet, any the ways.  i just don’t appreciate diluted college football games.  diluted to the point of political correct parity.  diluted so even, the university of middle state teachers and boys choir affiliates, gets a shot at a bowl game at the end of the college football money rainbow.  god, the horror.

sadly, i’m beginning to lose interest in college football.  oh, i’ll stick around for awhile.  but in the not so distant future i see myself voting with my feet and walking away from the game.  politicians making changes they have no business making.  there’s just too much excess money out there.  and that money along with dumb ass politicians and stupid college officials is ruining the game i used to love so very much.  it’s a part of brave new world?  no thanks.  you can have it.

so just what have the hairballs in dc done?  they got just who the hell ever of the bcs hairballs to adjust their computers to look favorably upon third tier schools ala boise st.  in all fairness, cincinnati is probably a second tier school as they have a very good medical school on the campus.  they just ain’t harvard or yale and just as well as those guys can’t compete either.

the point being, boise st, a third tier school has diddly for academics and can recruit kids that can play but then said kids are morons who could never get into an sec, big 10 or pac 10 school.  which doesn’t matter much in the academic sense.  not that the kids from michigan or usc go to class all that much.  it’s a fine line to be sure.  a line that for the sake of decent college football games that shouldn’t be crossed.  at least not while i’m still alive.  thank you.  point?  computers tweaked to nullify strength of schedule.

so just why are boise st and the bear cats sitting above usc in the bcs poll?  the sad reply from the masses is: usc lost a game and the other two haven’t.  they are undefeated.  fine.  ok, pilgrim, riddle me this: if usc were to play boise st this saturday, at boise, who would be the vegas favorite?  vegas cares only about the money.  their money.  the simple answer would be, usc.  probably by at least 14 points.  trust me, i’m sure that would be the case.  so why then is boise st and cincinnati ranked higher than usc?

yeah, i’m a usc homer and a pac 10 honk.  doesn’t matter in this regard.  he political correct crowd bought off by somebody or another to water down the game into a 5 year old coed t-ball league.  jesus.

this has been like all over the place and i suppose, maybe and hopefully, you can see my passion here.  and my point.  we are destroying a game, the only game left, that used to have some sort of meaning and purpose.  a meaning and purpose that is being watered down into nothingness.

count on this as well, a playoff mandated or brokered by the hairballs in washington, dc would be just as bad.  you would have to be certifiably insane to think otherwise.

jmh

the saga of denny paine, the short version

it’s been a few years but i used to work with an ex hollywood stuntman. actually, i was his boss for a time.  and for our purposes here he will be known as, denny paine.  denny paine was the name a certain government alphabet group wanted to give him way back when.  he declined their offer.  at any rate, denny is a southern california native.  though these days he’s living in arizona.  over the years i’d lost track of him. 

a few weeks ago, jwfh, and myself along with someone else were chatting away a hot afternoon in the claremont village.  the lone ranger came up in the conversation of old tv/movie cowboy stuff.  i thought of denny paine, and told the guys he was clayton moore’s double in the color movie, ‘the lone ranger’, circa 1956.  clayton’s real name was, jack.  denny paine told me that.  denny paine told me lots of stuff.

denny paine had quite a career in the movies.  he doubled for buster crabbe and lash larue, among others.  have you ever seen the movie, ‘vanishing point’?  well, he did all the stunt driving for barry newman in that great oldie.  remember the beginning of the old tv show, ‘then came bronson’?  that was him on the motorcycle.  how about, ‘chips’?  yeah, he did all the riding for larry wilcox, or john.  that is when the bike wasn’t hooked up to a trailer for close-ups.  he also did location searches for the studios when he wasn’t doing stunt work.  denny found the old virginia dare winery around these parts that was used for an old ‘combat’ tv episode.  a place i’ve written about in the past.

during korea, denny, was in the army and a member of the 25th or 26th regimental combat team, a fore runner to the green berets.  he was out front gathering intel.  while doing so he received a purple heart and bronze star.  president harry truman pinned the purple heart on him while he was in a hospital bed in tokyo.

after korea he went back to work in the hollywood industry.  i met him years after those days.  he was retired from two jobs plus the movies and was working on his third retirement check.  yeah, god bless him, he’s one of those triple dippers.  we always had a good time working together.  he was always full of great stories.  a time or two he even let me wear the buckskin jacket, guy madison or wild bill hickok of tv fame, wore in the rose parade one year.  or maybe fool around with a gold plated 100th anniversary winchester 30-30 he owned.  ah, sweet.  

i lost track of denny.  probably because he was a crazy old coot.  for example, we played a lot of golf together in those days and he ALWAYS cared a loaded pistol in his golf bag.  or on his person.  ‘you never know when you’ll need it, hombre.’  is what he used to tell me.  that in itself wasn’t so bad.  trouble was he was liable to whip it out and fire off a few rounds anytime anywhere just for the fuck of it.  yeah, denny paine. 

that hot afternoon conversation of a few weeks ago got me thinking about him.  once again.  with the help of the brown eyed girl and the internet we found him or more to the point his long time companion, miss penny.  since then i’ve spoken to him on the phone a few times.  he even sent me a photo of himself taken in 2006 in knabe, utah.  the photo was taken to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the long ago lone ranger movie shot there in 1956. 

that’s denny paine in the picture.  i’ve missed you, hombre.  i hope you still have the buckskin jacket and the 30-30.  see you soon.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 9

another disappointing week last time around.  a semi dismal 4 for 10.  although i’m still over 50% overall with, 39 for 70, having missed week 6.  what does all this mean?  it means don’t listen to me and if you do you’re pretty stupid and deserve to lose your rent and or car payment money.  enough said.  it also means i can’t get the spell check to work anywhere so it is what it is.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/30  w. virgina at s. florida.  w. virgina favored by 3.5 points.  i haven’t picked a wek day game in a few weeks so i figure i may as well go for this one as it is more or less toss up.  and it’s friday night.  what could be better?  take s. florida to win or get inside the spread.

10/31  cincinnati at syracuse.  cincinnati favored by 15 points.  a good way to start off the weenie day festivities.  take cincinnati to cover and win.

10/31  new mexico st at ohio st.  ohio st favored by 40 points.  just what new mexico st is doing at ohio st this time of year is perplexing at best.  but then it’s the brave new world order of college football.  oofa.  regardless, i think 40 points is too many.  take new mexico st to get inside that 40 point spread.   

10/31  indiana at iowa.  iowa favored by 17 points.  iowa continues it’s roll.  take the hawkeyes to win and cover.

10/31  mississippi at auburn.  ole miss favored by 4 points.  interesting, what?  i’m taking auburn to win or at least cover the spread.

10/31  calfornia at arizona st.  california favored by 7 points.  the pac 10 down the home stretch.  the bears seasonal ‘el foldo’ looms large.  take the sun devils to win or cover. 

10/31  georgia at florida.  florida favored by 16 points.  take georgia to win or get inside the points.

10/31  utah st at fresno st.  fresno st favored by 17 points.  my wac game of the week.  fresno st wins and or covers.

10/31  kansas st at oklahoma.  oklahoma favored by 26 points.  take the sooners and take them to win and cover.

10/31  usc at oregon.  usc favored by 4 points.  my two all time favorite teams in the match up of the weekend and maybe the year.  the rose bowl looms large in this one kids.  the usual duck home crowd craziness will be for sure ramped up to insane levels.  over the top and in your face.  and there lies the rub in my opinion.  i noticed some of the crappy play and penalties of the boise st game game from the ducks last week.  yes, the won but it looked sloppy and unorganized.  and if they can’t control the jazz at home against the trojans then they are in trouble.  sure, the trojans didn’t play all that well against the beavers last week.  the beavers got game.  this one is for the ages and a nailbiter.  the trojans are on a mission.  take them to win and cover.

there ya go.  halloween weekend picks.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.  enjoy the games and the parties.  be safe and don’t get stupid.

jmh     

in search of the miraculous

that’s the title of an old book that was a semi sort of hippy required reading deal back in the late 60′s and early 70′s.  i had a copy of the book for many years.  the book in question first appeared in 1947 and was written by p. d. ouspensky.  lots of interesting stuff in it but that book isn’t why i’m here.  i’m just borrowing the title for a bit because i’m searching for a miracle or the miraculous myself. 

long time readers know i bought a trailer here in the brittney spears memorial trailer parkin the early summer last year.  well, it’s not really that bad.  the trailer or the park.  at any rate, i’m trying to sell the place.  i wouldn’t be selling it if i hadn’t met and married the brown eyed girl, who with her arthritis problems, can’t manage the stairs here very easily.  trying to sell the place in this economy hasn’t been easy either.  some lookie loos who expect you to give stuff away.  no chance and no thanks.  and no offers.  it’s become obvious that it’s time to go in search of the miraculous.

it’s not that either of us don’t like this place.  we do.  as a matter of fact, it’s a very nice place and we do some of our entertaining here in the mobile home.  there’s easier parking than our other place and a much more spacious kitchen for us to whip stuff up and move about.  plus, it’s a good 500 square feet bigger than our other place and much newer.  but that’s just realtor mumbo jumbo and i’m drifting.

many years ago in santa fe, new mexico, the nuns of the lorreto chapel had a dilemma.  they needed a staircase in order for them to get up into the choir loft of the church.  when the church was built a staircase wasn’t included for some reason or another up into the loft.  one of those early builder oversight thingys i suppose.  ah, what can we say, mother superior, other than…oops.

the nuns had no other recourse than to pray a lot and hope for somebody or another and perhaps a miracle to come along and get the staircase built.  well, after many prayers, one afternoon this guy showed up and said he would build them their staircase.  very cool.  the nuns were very happy.  they went to bed that night with dreams of a staircase dancing in their heads.

depending upon who you are reading, when the nuns got up in the morning they had their staircase and the man was gone.  plus, the gentleman who had built the staircase hadn’t used any nails.  nary a one.  some stories recount that it took several days to build the stairs.  however, they all claim that the builder was, st joseph, and there were no nails used in it’s construction.

yeah, the dude in question was none other than the father of jesus and apparently a pretty good carpenter to boot.  ok, so not THE father but well, you know what i mean.  the nun’s prayers had been answered.  a miracle had been performed.  the staircase had been built. 

the church still stands today as well as the staircase.  the original staircase didn’t have a handrail or newel posts.  they were added later and no nails were used in their making as well.  just wood dowels.

some of you have seen these photos before but they are worth repeating here.  the lorreto chapel and the staircase. 

ok, so just what does all this mean?  in regards to my search for the miraculous?  i suppose, ever since st joseph built that staircase for the nuns he acquired the reputation for getting stuff done, building or house wise.  or maybe it came about sometime even earlier in his saintdom.  i really don’t know.  but it’s not something others and myself haven’t overlooked down through the years.  um, say what?

it seems that st joseph comes in very handy when you are trying to sell a piece of property or your house.  all that needs to be done is to bury a statue of him in the front yard and viola he works his miracle and the place sells.  something i’m indeed going to try.  and hopefully i get a minor miracle of sorts and the mobile home sells.

of course, i figure it would probably border on the sacrilegious if i were to bury the statue.  so with that in mind, the brown eyed girl’s older sister has come into play.  she’s a very religious catholic lady.  a fine thing indeed.  i gave her some money and she found us a very nice pewter statue of st joseph holding the baby jesus.  she’s coming here on monday and the three of us are going to plant the statue in the front yard under the for sale sign.

years ago one of my aunts went on a pilgrimage to lourdes, france.  as a gift, she bought me a small bottle of lourdes holy water.  the statue of st joseph will be anointed with some of that holy water before it’s buried.  a few prayers will be offered up as well. 

it’s too bad my sister-in-law can’t make it here on sunday, as it’s all saints day.  logistically for her it isn’t possible.  she’s busy with church stuff all day plus she lives way over on the west side of l.a.  all that being said, perhaps it won’t matter when the deal goes down on monday.

if st joseph comes through my sister-in-law’s church will get a very nice donation for their poor box.  as will a local catholic church’s feeding the hungry program.  at any rate, both places have already been given something this pre-thanksgiving season.  i’m by no means trying to blackmail st joseph in any way shape of form.  but, well, things are things and stuff as well.  we hope.  we pray.  we give. 

i hope my search for the miraculous comes to fruition.  hopefully, wonders will never cease.

thank you, st joseph.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 10

an interesting week of college ball last weekend.  interesting to say the least.  i started out very well in the morning games but by the time the afternoon and evening rolled around i was semi tanking it.  bottom line i went 5 for 10 last week.  my overall is 44 for 80 having taken week 6 off.  still somewhat over 50% but nothing to send up any fireworks about.

just remember this is for fun and taking anything i deal out here to any of the boys who will take your money would be insane to say the least.  leave your wallet alone and nobody gets hurt.

i’m a day or two early this week due to stuff i have to take care of the next couple of days.  due to my being early, some of the odds haven’t been posted so i’m just dealing with what i have now.  i picked these games before i went looking for the odds.  be that as it may.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/7  connecticut at cincinnati.  a toss up.  should be a good game and it’s an early one.  take cincinnati to win this one.

11/7  wake forest at georgia tech.  georgia tech favored by 15 points.  wake forest is playing well but not well enough to win or get inside the 15 points on tech’s turf.  take georgia tech to win or cover the spread.

11/7  navy at notre dame.  a toss up.  one of the better teams the golden domers play this year.  the irish are playing somewhat better but i still don’t like them.  take navy to win.

11/7 lsu at alabama.  alabama favored by 9 points.  hopefully, with bamas week off they went out and found some offense because they are probably going to need some to win this game.  the same could be said for lsu as well.  a low scoring defensive yawn fest?  i hope i’m wrong.  take bama to win and cover.  ROLL TIDE!!!

11/7  oklahoma at nebraska.  oklahoma favored by 6.  perhaps a good game.  take the sooners to win or cover the spread.

11/7  ohio st at penn st.  penn st favored by 3.5 points.  almost a toss up here but i suspect the buckeyes will roll over joe pa and his boys.  take ohio st to win.

11/7  oregon st at california.  california favored by 7 points.  i don’t see the bears defense doing any better than usc’s defense at stopping the beaver’s running game.  a very solid running game.  take oregon st to cover the spread and maybe win.

11/7  washington at ucla.  ucla favored by 4 points.  the bruins are lucky to be favored here.  though they did play fairly well against oregon st last week.  i’m feeling the huskies this week.  take them to cover or win.

11/7  oregon at stanford.  oregon favored by 5 points.  coming off the waxing of the trojans the ducks should be on a pretty nice high.  though stanford can win and might.  though i don’t see it.  on a side note, i was a duck fan before i was a trojan fan.  i’ve bled duck yellow and green since 1958.  they’ve made a fine comeback since the first game of the season and that disappointing loss to boise st.  they looked terrible.  not unlike the trojans last week.  they should stay on track and maybe run the rest of the table this year.  only to be messed with at the end of the year by the bcs and given some lame bowl game.  time will tell.  there is talk that blount will be allowed to play again this year.  oofa.  dumb idea and and stupid at best.  there is no excuse for what he did at the end of the boise game.  thug behavior does not belong in sports.  period.  allowing him to return this year is a mistake and sends a message to other lame brains that they can get away with stuff and be allowed back if they say the right things to the right people.  and that further reinforces the big money angle of college ball.  off the soapbox and my pick.  the ducks cover and win.  QUACK QUACK!!!!

11/7  usc at arizona st.  usc favord by 11.5 points.  a very poorly played game last week by the men of troy.  special teams set the tone for the defense on the opening kickoff.  in other words, what defense?  losing your defensive coordinator and half of the remaining guys to washington turns out not to have been a very good decision on usc’s part.  vanity?  insanity?  i don’t know.  i do know that coach pete didn’t have the deer in the headlights look he usually has when they lose.  it was like he was seeing the writing on the wall.  the writing that says he might come back next year and try to run the table once more with a bunch of seniors and a qb with a year under his belt.  or he may not.  my money is on one more year for pete.  then it’s back to the pros and another shot there.  bottom line is there are only so many good coaches in college football.  losing a bunch of them from one team means a ticking time bomb.  one that  finally went off last weekend.  i hope they recover from the blast but i don’t know.  a thumping of the sun devils is in order this week, coach pete.  let’s see if you can make it happen.  yeah, take usc to win and they bloody well better cover the spread.  FIGHT ON!!!

there you go.  some interesting games with one more month of college football left.  enjoy it while it lasts. 

jmh

stuff i don’t watch on tv anymore

ah, make that sports stuff.  tv is annoying at best.  sure, i can waste away a day or days watching the damn thing but, hey, there’s a bunch of stuff i can’t watch anymore.  so, let’s get started and see just where this ends up.  there’s no particular order or rhyme or reason to the list.  it is what it is.  pure and simple.  you may agree or disagree.  it’s a semi free country, for the time being, and you’re entitled to your own opinion.  fine.  but this is my list.  it may piss you off but that isn’t my intention.  figure it out.  do your own list. 

the first thing that comes to mind is the, NBA.  god, i hate watching those guys.  i used to like watching pro basketball but i lost interest in it during it’s thug era and i’m not going back.  plus, it’s kinda fun being one of the few folks here in so calif that can’t stand kobe and/or the lakers.  elgin baylor, kareem, jerry.  fine.

MLB would be next on the list.  another of those deals where i used to enjoy watching their games.  i lost interest in them after the last strike for more money so they can play a kids game.  um, you could toss the NBA back in this area as well.  at any rate, who can enjoy a world series that is gonna drag on to maybe the second week of november?  the first week being bad enough.  or how about a bunch of steroid pumpers, period.  no way.  no thanks.  plus the fact bud selig is an idiot.  although had the angels gone to the series i may have watched an inning or two if only for the old cowboy, gene autry.

the NFL is next.  another of those days gone by thingys.  more steroid pumpers and a greedy bunch of owners with no real love for their fan base or the cities where they play.  show me the money.  some big mogul is going to build a new stadium out in these parts if he can con some team into leaving their sorta home.  any number of teams have been mentioned,  even one of yours.  i don’t care.  screw em.  the only thing the stadium will do is make an already totally screwed up freeway interchange even worse.  the players?  yeah, they are the best and can come up with some amazing plays but i just don’t care anymore about them or their league.

the Super Bowl.  sure, this is a part of the last one but even non fans watch this turkey every year.  hours and days of non stop hype.  a blizzard of supposedly new improved funny ass commercials that the mad men pay primo dollars to place strategically in the game.  a big yawn, for the ads and the game.

tennis.  not that i ever watched it much but i don’t ever anymore.  oofa.  useless and stupid.

soccer.  ok.  so like just what the eff is up with soccer?  totally off the tv radar.  or more importantly, my radar.  dumber than tennis.  yeah, it is.  i don’t want to hear about it.  say nothing.  it is. 

the NHL.  as a so calif native i guess that could be a reason for my aversion to the game.  but when i was a kiddie, i tried watching the likes of gordy howe and bobby orr on the saturday morning games.  i never understood the rules and it was pretty boring even with the fights.  no thanks.  not even the great one could change that.

the WWE WWF or whatever it is they are calling it now a days.  more steroid monsters with the same act since gorgeous george and freddie blassie.  an act that was pretty cool back in the 50′s and early 60′s.  and ok even for a few years in the early 80′s.  but an act that just grew so wearisome and lame that no sane person over the age of 12 can possibly watch it anymore.  yeah, fine, the sorta hot babes wandering around in the ring.  lame as well and just masturbatory imps for the porn challenged among us.  speaking of which, if i were 12 i wouldn’t waste my time on them.  no sirree.  i’d be TIVOing ‘dancing with the stars’ and watching those lovely ladies frame by frame.  count on it.  but i digress.

boxing.  i used to love watching boxing.  i grew up watching it every friday night.  the friday night fights brought to us by gillette razors.  then of course there was sugar ray robinson, jake lamotta, rocky marciano, sonny liston, george foreman, floyd patterson, joe frazier, sugar ray leonard, danny lopez, alexis arguello, and larry holmes, god bless him.   then of course, the greatest of them all, mohammad ali.  i could go on but if you weren’t there you missed it.  totally.  the current crop?  no thanks.

nascar or formula one.  i get the speed but i just don’t get much else about it.  never one of my favorites and i avoid them like the plague these days.

then there’s the most insidious non sports related show of them all.  the view.  a total piece of crap and a waste of time and electricity.  a propaganda show worthy of chairman mao or joe stalin.  i was never a fan or a watcher but i do get a glimpse of it now and again.  oh oh, i’m gonna hurl and/or shoot the tv ala elvis.

yes, the last one wasn’t sports related but i couldn’t resist tossing it in as a sorta grand finale to this messy epistle.  after all, this is my list.  i may have forgotten a few things but i think i covered stuff pretty well for now.  there’s always the possibility of a part 2 somewhere down the road.  i’ve been talkin’ to my oldest friend, dfr.  and yeah, count on it.  there will be a part 2.

on a tangent, today is gram parsons birthday.  happy birthday, my cosmic country brother.  wild horses.  we’ll ride them someday.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 11

coming off another week of better than average predictions against the spread it’s that time again kids.  college football hits the tv with a vengeance this week.  last week i went 6 for 10.  nothing stellar but i’ll take it.  thus making my overall for the season, 50 for 90.  having taken week 6 off.  5 games over .500.  semi sorta iffy but much better than .500 or worse. 

once again, remember this is for fun only and taking what i dish out here to make yourself a nice bankroll for christmas would be stupid at best.  leave your wallet alone and you’ll be fine.  also, i go by the odds i have here.  they are what they are.  a compilation of several places.

pop a cold one.  light up the barbie.  sit back and enjoy what’s left of the greatest sport, college football.  enjoy the games.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/14  boston college at virginia.  boston college favored by 4 points.  almost a toss up and just might be a good game.  i’m looking for boston college to win this one and cover the points.  take them.

11/14  iowa at ohio st.  ohio st favored by 16 points.  iowa coming off a dumb loss and ohio st coming off a big win.  the point being can iowa recover?  and does ohio st have a let down?  we’ll both find that out come saturday.  in lieu of knowing for sure, take iowa to cover the points and maybe win.

11/14  florida st at wake forest.  wake forest favored by 6 points.  wake forest is playing some ball.  take them to win and cover.  on a side note, has anyone else noticed that bobby bowden looks more and more like a food network’s star, paula deen?

11/14  notre dame at pittsburg.  pittsburg favored by 7.  he of the 5 super bowl rings fights for his job, as well he should, with this game.  golden domer faithful aren’t happy.  then they rarely are.  the man who replaced ty willingham is going down the same road to the unemployment office next week.  let’s see, i predicted the irish would lose this game back in january or february of this year.  nothing has changed.  take pittsburg to win and cover.

11/14  stanford at usc.  usc favored by 11 points.  it’s november.  it’s a home game for the trojans.  they don’t lose at home or in november for that matter.  the trouble being it hasn’t been a good year for coach pete.  it has been a semi good year for coach mike.  once again, stanford has a good team and riley can coach.  stanford doesn’t have a defense.  if the trojan defense shows up and the offense does as well the trojans should cover the spread.  a damn good game here folks.  take the trojans to cover and win.  those who live by the sword die by the sword.  FIGHT ON!!!!

11/14  arizona at california.  the game is a toss up.  sadly i haven’t seen arizona play this year.  probably due to the lame tv schedule the pac 10 has with the networks.  be that as it may, i have seen cal play just about every week.  they didn’t do well against the beavers last week but nobody else in the pac 10 is either.  the game is in berserkeley.  take cal to win.

11/14  arizona st at oregon.  oregon favored by 16.5 points.  a bunch of points.  however, the game is in duckland, home of the true 12th man.  insanity reigns.  probably rain as well.  cold weather too.  take the ducks to win and cover.  QUACK QUACK!!!!       

11/14  washington at oregon st.  oregon st favored by 11.  the sleeper game of the week.  this one will be a good one folks.  if you can watch this one don’t miss it.  the brothers rodgers(i spelled it right this time) are amazing at best.  oregon st is proof that the pac 10 is THE CONFERENCE THIS YEAR.  count on it.  take oregon st to more than likely win and cover the spread.  though i don’t think that’s an option in places like nevada.  oregon st wins and covers.

11/14  alabama at mississippi st.  bama favored by 13.  tell you what, i don’t think they can score 13 points in 4 quarters two weeks in a row.  the question being, can they hold the lads of state to no points or say, 3?  i love bama but i ain’t feeling them here.  take mississippi st to cover the spread.

11/14  texas tech at oklahoma st.  oklahoma st favored by 3.5 points.  my semi alma mater wins or covers the spread.  take texas tech and be sure to visit: the vietnam center and archive at http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/  happy veterans day!!

there you go, kids another week of picks coming to you on a wing and a prayer.  leave your money where it belongs, in your wife’s purse.  and nobody gets hurt.  enjoy the games.

jmh

stuff i don’t watch on tv anymore part 2

there’s plenty of stuff i don’t watch on tv anymore.  mostly it’s sports stuff but then of course there are plenty of other things on tv that are just beyond the pale bad as well.  however, i’m probably going to stick to sport stuff or semi sorta sports stuff for this.  just like in part 1.  for those that missed it.  you may want to take a look.  or maybe not.

as i said the last time, this is my list.  not necessarily your list.  or likes and dis-likes.  ok?  good.  so in no particular order.  onward.

my friend, triggerman brought up a couple in a comment he made in my other place.  two venues or sports i was going to bring up any the ways.  the first being, the X games.  ok.  yeah, i’m an old guy.  so what?  since when has skateboarding become a sport other than an annoying venal sin?  or jumping over stuff on a motorcycle?  or doing loopty loops on same said motorcycle?  trying to kill yourself while also trying to impress babes is pretty lame.  keep it off tv, please.  it’s stupid.

the olympics.  or as dfr and i call em, the old limp dicks.  i find it amazing that anyone watches the stuff anymore.  in particular stuff where you win or lose on some dumb ass paid off judges decision.  yes, there was a time years ago i would watch this lame tv presentation.  hours upon hours of the stuff.  no more.  the insipid up close and personal stuff sent me over the edge years ago.  why anyone would want to host this turkey is beyond me.  unless of course, it would be for the sole purpose of ripping off the rubes who actually show up to watch the insanity.  all that being said, i do enjoy watching curling and i eagerly await the winter festivities in vancouver so i can get my fix.  i’m serious.

bowling.  i’m not even sure if anybody even bothers to show this game anymore on tv.  they probably do and if they do i’m not watching it because earl anthony and dick weber are dead or are too old to make a decent score if they can still even play.  buy a wii game and bowl in your living room.  it’s fun and good exercise.  plus, no stinky used rental bowling shoes are required.  a plus if there ever was one.

poker.  ok.  i can sorta see skateboarding as a sport.  but a world series of poker?  world series implies sport.  poker is not a sport but a game and, well, why in god’s good name are you people watching other people play this game on tv?  barnum was right.  you are a sucker and you and many others are being born every minute.  then there’s the fact they are playing bleeding texas hold em.  a girls game for crying out loud.  wyatt earp didn’t play texas hold em.  count on it.  wild bill hickok wasn’t playing texas hold em when he was dealt that famous dead mans hand of aces and eights.  no sirree he was playing five card draw.  a man’s game.  a man’s game like five card stud or seven card stud.  simple.  if you watch poker on tv you need to find a life someplace and fast.

the tour de france.  there was a time a number of years ago i watched this turkey on the tube.  all the little girl crap about lance and his blood samples just wore me out.  i don’t watch anymore.  lance can run the table for the rest of his life for all i care.  big deal.  i don’t care.  the tv nonevent has spawned any number of lance wanna bees with their nasty ass biking costumes out clogging up road space all over this once great nation.  please, just get the hell out of my way and go ride your bike someplace else or i swear i’m liable to run over forty or fifty of you at one pop.  just kidding.  maybe.  but they are a menace and it’s because of the tour being on tv.  you dumb asses, would be much cooler if you put some playing cards or baseball cards on your spokes with a wooden clothes pin.  i would respect you more.  and take off that damn bike suit.

drag racing.  ah, another speed sport.  one i used to love to watch unlike nascar or formula one.  pure speed.  peddle.  metal.  woo hoo.  trouble is try and find a real car drag racing these days.  what you’ll find, for the most part are plastic fantastic sleds that resemble a car but really aren’t a car.  what happened to real 55 chevy’s?  real bored and stroked 51 merc’s?  real chopped and channeled anything?  see my point?  it is a damn shame.  no, not my point.  sheesh.

last but certainly not least, would be any sort of a state of the union message from any politician of any party.  or any other political party message.  well, unless it’s the party animal party which might be a hoot of sorts if only for a short while.  i gave up on those messages long long ago.  nothing but lame propaganda by lame stooges who want only to fuck with us and steal our money.  screw em.

jmh

padre winery, rancho cucamonga, ca w/photos

there’s a gentle rain this morning and it’s very quiet around here. the cat is on her perch, curled up in a tight little ball and gently snoring. the brown eyed girl has finally fallen asleep after a tough night of whatever it is she is ailing from. this post first appeared here on the front page almost a year ago. for any number of reasons, i think it’s time once again.

the other day i finally got around to making a trip back to my childhood.  specifically, i had been wanting to take some photos of the old padre winery just down the road in rancho cucamonga, ca.  i’ve mentioned the winery in a few blogs and a fiction piece here but there were no photos in any of them.  so, what i thought i’d do was take some photos and stick them up here then sorta run the deal down one more time.

padre winery has been around since the late 1800′s.  and it was the first winery in california bonded by the feds, allowing them to sell wine and brandy.  the original building is still standing.  amazingly enough even after all the semi sorta large earthquakes that have rumbled through the area.  i guess it gives testament to some thing or another.  over the years the winery has been owned and operated by a few different folks.  it has had a few other names as well.  but to us long time cucmongaites it was and always shall be, padre winery.  sadly, it no longer produces wine.  those days are long gone.

my mother’s parents lived in a house a few hundred yards west of the winery.  that old wonderful house with the root cellar, in which my grandfather made wine and vinegar, no longer stands.  my grandfather worked at padre winery up until the time he retired.  he’d been there for many years.  i spent a lot of time with my grandparents when i was a kid.  soaking up old world italy and wineries.  that is up until the time my folks thought i was old enough to manage on my own during the summer.  though soaking up stuff never ended.   

when my grandfather worked at padre it was owned by the vai brothers.  i loved walking over to the winery and wandering around looking at stuff.  perhaps more importantly smelling the wonderful smells that can only come from a winery.

these days the winery is owned by a local family that has long roots in the area.  wine roots.  they gave it a go trying to make it a producing winery over the years but money being what it is things never panned out.  padre winery is for sale.  there are a few businesses where the old redwood wine vats used to be and it’s kind of sad.  especially to me.  i worked at padre winery myself for a year or so back in the early to mid 70′s.  i’ve recounted that tale as here as well. 

i’d been by the winery a number of times over the years.  once even stopping with the brown eyed girl so she could see the place.  old padre winery.  at any rate, i was alone the other day as i wandered about taking these photos.  alone with my thoughts and my youth. 

as you will see there is still a beauty to the winery.  an elegance and charm not seen these days in much of any kind of architecture.  there was something else present as i walked around.  something mystical and wonderful.  or maybe it was just the fact that padre winery has been around for years and years and saw a huge amount of wine in various stages pass through the grounds.  it was a smell.  the smell.  that wine smell.  a sour tart vinegary musty smell now.  but still a wine smell.  the old girl still has it.  a complete package other than the fact the wine itself is long gone.  the elegance and the smell have stuck to her and she wears them well.

i hope the old lady remains standing.  standing as a monument to old california and old cucamonga.  not swept into some re-development black hole and razed.  re-development.  the good old boy deal where the pols and hucksters make money hand over fist and we the people lose our history and magic that comes with the old things.  old wonderful places like padre winery.

padre winery and the old tasting room.

 

the old cellars.

the still where the lees and muck were processed into 180 proof alcohol.

the old girl is still looking good.

jmh

our lady of mount carmel church, rancho cucamonga, ca w/photos

the old catholic church still stands where it has for as long as i can remember and was there even before i was born.  one of the oldest catholic churches in the area.  the church sits just steps away from the old padre winery.  while i was visiting padre winery the other day i stopped by the church as well.  the church was my grandparents back in the day.  they could walk there very easily and did several times a week.

our lady hasn’t held up as well as padre winery.  plenty of parishioners but not the well to do types of other parishes in cucamonga.  just your average work a day joes go to this church these days.  the salt of the earth types.  not unlike in the old days.  the old days, when the street that fronts it was smaller.  the intersection was also the home to some old stately eucalyptus trees.  long gone due to street widening projects and the addition of curb and gutters.

since the church stands so close to padre winery i’ve been by it many many times over the years.  though i hadn’t been inside of the church since june of 1968 or 1969.  the day of my grandfather’s funeral.  you would think i could remember the exact date but i was in a wisdom tooth extraction haze and all i really remember about the day was the huge cloud of incense drifting about my grandfather’s coffin.

i made it back inside the church the other day.  it was an odd experience at best.  there have been some changes and the floor is now carpeted.  i guess carpet is easier to maintain than the old hardwood floors.  the simple beauty of a very very old and small catholic church that served old italians and mexicans remains.

i miss, nona and nono, italian for grandmother and grandfather.  the little house they used to live is gone.  but the little church they worshiped in still stands.  stands like a memory of a long ago past.

our lady of mount carmel catholic church.

 

jmh

 

2009 college football predictions week 12

only 3 weeks left in the regular college football season.  it’s become push come to shove time.  for me and for the teams.  a dark weekend last time around for me.  a sad dismal 5 for 10.  making me 55 for 100 having taken week 6 off.  still over .500 but i should be doing better. 

just remember that taking anything i say here and using to parlay the rent money into that fear and loathing trip of a lifetime to vegas would be stupid on the best of days.  i’m early again this week due to my schedule and life.  the odds are early stuff and will no doubt change.  however, what is here is what i will go by to determine my win loss for the weekend.  i’ll be early next week as well.  my schedule, life, and thanksgiving.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/21  ohio st at michigan.  ohio st favored by 12 points.  the buckeyes are going rose bowling.  good for them.  though i have no idea what happens to that if michigan wins.  which a long shot due to the way they are playing this year.  12 points might be a lot here but since this is just for fun.  take ohio st to win and cover.

11/21  minnesota at iowa.  iowa favored by 9.5 points.  if minnesota had kept on playing like earlier in the year this one would have been a very interesting game indeed.  the same could be said for iowa as well.  iowa needs to win this one if only to show they can and still care.  it’s a matter of heart here.  plus,  we’ll see just what kind of coach they really have.  take iowa to win and cover.

11/12  connecticut at notre dame.  notre dame favored by 6 points.  the domers just can’t get it done this year.  neither can charlie.  though the deal is charlie probably won’t be going anywhere.  sadly.  if they fire charlie notre dame needs to cough up $18 million to buy him out.  a hefty price tag to get rid of a guy.  though regis philban could probably come up with that with what is stuck under his sofa cushions.  maybe.  just maybe some of the other schools will pay attention to this scenario and not get stupid with their money and a football coach who hasn’t proved himself.  one season is not proving yourself, golden domer money boys.  at any rate, connecticut has a shot at this one.  i figure they will have the lead at the half.  if they don’t get lazy and sloppy like pitt did last week the should cover the spread and maybe win.  take u conn.

11/21  penn st at michigan st.  penn st favored by 3.5 points.  a good game here kids.  maybe one of the best this weekend.  michigan st is playing some good football.  penn st is, well, penn st.  take michigan st to cover or even win.

11/21  arizona at ucla.  ucla favored by 5 points.  well well well.  amazing as it seems perhaps slick rick is turning around the moribund bruins.  fine by me.  it’s good for the pac 10 and college ball in general.  plus, maybe norm chow is a genius after all.  the bruins ran all over washington st last week.  this one is a tune up for the 11/28 trojan game.  (plenty on that next time around)  bruin faithful should rival duck faithful for insanity and noise.  it’s been a while for them.  tourist note.  stay a way from pasadena this saturday or allow for big time delays in getting anywhere near downtown.  take the bruins to win and cover.

11/21  california at stanford.  stanford favored by 7 points.  like i’ve been saying.  stanford is a good team.  stanford has a good coach.  and now, amazingly the defense has sprouted wings.  goood for them.  and it’s good for the pac 10.  though the 2 point conversion last week against the trojans was bush league.  however.  rank this one up there with a game of the week.  stanford is running on all cylinders.  no pings at all.  forget about it.  take stanford to win and cover.

11/21  lsu at mississippi.  ole miss favored by 3.  yep, at least.  take missisippi to win and cover.

11/21  air force at byu.  byu favored by 8 points.  two of the old run and gun schools of the late and sadly gone wac configuration.  i hope i get to see this one, kids.  air force should hold it’s own but take byu to win and cover.

11/21  oklahoma at texas tech.  oklahoma favored by 5 points.  not many points.  i like the red raiders at home.  take them to win and or cover the spread.  and as always be sure to visit my sorta alma mater:  http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/      

11/21  oregon at arizona.  oregon favored by 5 points.  not many points here as well.  sadly, blount has been reinstated for the ducks.  of course, they didn’t consult me before hand.  hopefully, he can avoid any major or minor felonies before and during the game.  if he does so the ducks will win and cover.  QUACK QUACK!!!

there ya go week 12 picks.  leave your money in your wallet and your wallet with the mrs and nobody gets hurt.  enjoy em while you can.  3 weeks left of the greatest game on the planet.  college football.

jmh

 

2009 college football predictions week 13

it’s the beginning of rivalry weekends.  yeah, plural.  it sorta semi started last weekend and slops over into next week as well.  me?  i’m sitting here in one of my trojan t-shirts.  but i get ahead of myself.

it is interesting what one or two more points can do for your picks.  in my case last weekend for example, if a few teams had scored just a couple of more points i would have had a stellar 8 for 10 weekend.  but no, that wasn’t the case.  i went 5 for 10 instead.  my over all is now, 60 for 110 with week 6 as an off week.  still over .500 but that’s not what i’d call outstanding.

the thing about rivalry games is they can go sideways in a hurry.  odds don’t mean much.  it’s anybodies game.  taking what i deal out as something you can bank on is dumb and stupid and if you do you deserve whatever happens to you.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

this is early again this week and no doubt the odds will change.  no matter.  what is here is what i go by.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/27  rutgers at louisville.  rutgers favored by 4 points.  rutgers, ozzie nelson’s alma mater.  reason enough for me to take them to win and cover.

11/27  alabama at auburn.  bama favored by 12 points.  the game for all the marbles and stuff for alabama folk till next year.  once again, bama needs to put points on the board.  if they don’t auburn has a shot.  however, take bama to win and cover.  ROLL TIDE!!!

11/27  nevada at boise st.  boise st favored by 11 points.  the smurf turf boys of boise face one of their toughest opponents in their sorta schedule on friday night.  in keeping with an early theme here for this weeks picks.  take nevada to at least cover the spread.

11/28  new mexico at tcu.  tcu favored by 43 points.  a big bunch of points.  tons of em.  any sane person would take the points and the lobos.  not me.  i figure tcu is in make a statement mode.  despite having early trouble scoring against wyoming last week.  i think they’ll run it up against an even better team this week.  yeah, insanity runs deep.  take tcu to cover the spread and win.

11/28  tulane at smu.  smu favored by 17 points.  after years in the dark place of college football smu is on a comeback trail.  the ncaa recruiting violation, ‘death sentence’, is a thing of the past.  it’s taken some 40 odd years but smu will be a top 25 team once again in the next year or two.  count on it.  the main reason being, june jones.  a fine coach and recruiter.  unlike his old hawaii team where after the first string you had very little talent, he will have some at smu.  count on it.  take smu to cover and win.

11/28  oklahoma st at oklahoma.  no odds at the time of this writing.  i almost stuck another game in here instead but this one might be too good to pass on.  no odds = even, in my book.  take oklahoma st in this one, kids.  the cowboys win.

11/28  florida st at florida.  florida favored by 22 points.  florida st gets inside that number.  take florida st and the ppoints.

11/28  utah at byu.  byu favored by 7.5 points.  a good game and probably one to watch.  take byu to win and cover.

11/28  notre dame at stanford.  stanford favored by 7.5 points.  this will more than likely be charlie’s last regular season game with the golden domers.  he just can’t close the deal or so it seems.  his kids run out of gas at the end.  stanford had a tough loss last week with cal.  not this week.  take stanford to win and cover the points.

11/28  ucla at usc.  usc favored by 12 points.  so much for norm being a genius after last weeks nail biter game.  well, maybe he is but the kids were lackluster.  coach pete has had a week off and hopefully he’s found some sort of faith in his other coaches.  he can’t do it all or so it would seem.  if the men of troy come to play on defense and offense it should be no contest.  that being said, this is for bragging rights in the land of the lotus eaters and anything can happen.  the game of the weekend.  take usc to win and cover.  FIGHT ON!!!!

there you go, my picks for thanksgiving week.  have a great thanksgiving and enjoy the games.  be sane.  be safe.

jmh

2009 college football predictions week 14

this week’s predictions are a bit different than the usual bill of fare.  fear not, i get there eventually.  i hope you enjoy the ride.  jmh

eddie catalina had weathered worse weekends but nothing quite like the past one.  in some sort of semi delusional death wish he’d taken his car and rent money and bet it all on 10 of the worse college football picks imaginable.  sure, some of them looked good and even made sense in that death wish sort of way.  but he knew he was in big trouble by mid afternoon on saturday.

the odd thing was he really didn’t care.  the third floor walk up in the eastern part of downtown los angeles and his 10 year old car had lost whatever luster was left or ever had been there.  things had tumbled out of control and he was resigned to what would come soon enough. 

another strange thing was he didn’t even have the car or rent money anymore.  after losing the game that tilted the deal below what would mean busting out even he had taken the car and rent money and blown it all and then some.  that was even before the total disaster became, oh so apparent.  all the money he had was blown on a bizarre drunken whore mongering night in the illegal after hours mexican ‘nightclubs’ in his neighborhood.  a long night that found him drunk, alone and asleep at his kitchen table around noon sunday.

the pounding on the door woke him up.  it took a second or two to realize it was morning, the sun was up, and he was still drunk.  very drunk.  stumbling to the door he opened it.  two thugs pushed their way inside.  the larger of the two shut the door and stood by it.

the smaller one spoke.

‘so where were you last night?  it looks like getting drunk on your sorry ass.  and that’s no excuse.  there are no excuses.  you know the rules.  payment is due on bets at midnight sharp.  pay up now plus another $1,000 in vig for our trouble.  don’t fucking piss don vincenzo off any more than he already is.’

standing there in his under ware, head down looking at the floor he thought, ‘good thing i’m still drunk.  maybe the broken bones won’t hurt so bad.’

broken bones or maybe.  just maybe.  yes, a mad hangover haze grab for the rusty but loaded .357 under the three day old newspaper on the table.  for you see, as dawn had broke that sunday morning, lonely broke drunken dreams made him pull it out of the bottom of his old army duffel bag.  he’d passed out before he could use it.  now maybe.  just maybe.  he could make use of it for some other purpose.

the smaller man slapped him to the floor.  eddie used the table to help himself to his feet.  his hand slipped under the paper.  he gripped the pitted and splintered walnut pistol butt.  he spun around firing.  his finger pulling the trigger as fast as he could.  sound, smoke and the smell of cordite filled the small room.

the two mobsters lay on the floor bleeding their last seconds of life out onto the cracked yellowed linoleum floor.  eddie catalina’s troubles had only just begun.   

yep.  there ya go.  the sad almost coda to the story of eddie catalina.  eddie thought he was smart.  smart enough to beat the spread every saturday during the college football season.  eddie did ok but no one ever does more than ok.  because they usually end up just like eddie.  broke and hungover on a minor level.  on a higher level, staring at a murder one rap straight in the face.  worse yet were the two dead mob soldiers.  that fact wasn’t going away.  ever.  no matter what the state decided.

see, kids?  it ain’t easy.  vegas and others know the only thing that matters is their money.  it’s all they care about.  and they take very good care of their money.  vegas palaces aren’t built on winners dreams.  they’re built on the sad dreams of every eddie catalina out there.  yours and mine.

this past weekend i went 2 for 10 for the week. i took week 6 off.  which means i’m now, 62 for 120, over all.  not looking good.  but still a tad over .500.  however, be that as it may.  onward and forward.  don’t look back because something might be gaining on you.  like an angry wife packing a five iron at 2:30am and swinging it at your head.

ok.  so, it’s the last week of regular season college football.  a bitter sweet week for those among us who love the game.  bitter because the short sweet season is over almost as soon as it began.  or so it seems.   sweet because we can begin the count down to next year and the first week in september.  the sweetest week of the year.  don’t be eddie catalina.  leave your money in your wallet.  right where it belongs.

i’m early again and some of the odds weren’t up yet.  i’m going by what’s here.  as usual. 

rock ‘n’ roll.

12/3  oregon st at oregon.  oregon favored by 9.5 points.  civil war time and it’s take no prisoners.  the game of the week for sure.  now you folks back east get a taste of the fine football being played by the pac 10 this year.  two of the best go head to head at the loudest stadium in the country, autzen stadium.  the home of the ducks and a more rabid fan base would be harder to find than the duck home crowd.  this game might reach over a hundred total points.  powerhouse offenses from both schools.  the beavers run it pretty much like no one else can.  the beavers, jacuizz rodgers is something to watch and almost impossible to catch.  the ducks, jeremiah masoli is one of the best qb’s in the country.  tight game.  a bunch of points on the board.  last one in wins.  take the ducks to win but not by the 9.5 points.  QUACK QUACK!!!!

12/5  w. virginia at rutgers.  w. virginia favored by 2.5 points.  that might as well be even up.  home game for ozzie nelson’s alma mater.  take rutgers to win.

12/5  new mexico at boise st.  boise st favored by 46.5 points. boise st should win but not by 46 plus points.  take new mexico to get inside that huge spread.

12/5  arizona at usc.  usc favored by 7.  this is going to be a good one.  the trojans are having a hard time putting points on the board.  despite the last second td of last week.  bruins blew it.  arizona has a good defense.  take the trojans because they are at home to win and cover.  FIGHT ON!!!

12/5  california at washington.  california favored by 6.5 points.  if the bears are up for this one they will win.  if not the huskies will walk all over them.  it’s tedford’s call and coaching that will make the difference here.  good one to watch.  i’m taking the huskies to win or get inside the spread.

12/5  cincinnati at pittsburg.  a toss up.  i’m taking cincinnati to win.

i hope i have the last four games and teams right. 

12/5  conferance usa championship.  huston at e. carolina. toss up.  i really don’t care much about this one so i’m taking huston.

12/5  sec championship game.  florida at alabama.  florida favored by 4.5 points.  i thought this would be bama’s year for a national title.  i don’t think so anymore.  too much trouble trying to put points on the board.  florida wins and covers.

12/5  acc championship game.  georgia tech at clemson.  toss up.  i’m going with clemson here.

12/5  big 12 championship game.  texas at nebraska.  texas favored by 13.5 points.  take the horns to hook em. texas wins and covers.

that’s it for this year and the regular season.  there will be at least one more blog on the college bowl season coming from me.  i hope you come back around to read it or them as well.  you’ve made this a banner year for me here.  i hope you come back next year to take the college football trip again.  thanks for reading and your support.  ah, i’m not going anywhere.  i’ll be right here writing about other stuff while i wait for september 2010.

jmh
story and predictions copyrighted by john hauge 2009

2009 college bowl picks

bowl season again for us college football fans.  yeah, i know i told all of you guys last week not to watch any of the bowl games.  well, that’s pretty much like telling a 2 year old to stop being such a cry baby.  you are gonna watch regardless.  and to a certain extent i’m gonna watch a few of the games myself.  maybe.

the thing is the bowls come to long after the season is over.  most of the players are back to smoking crack and robbing liquor stores in their spare time.  that stuff would be happening on a good day.  a really bad day?  perhaps we shouldn’t even go there.

plus the fact most of the bowl games are useless other than the fact the teams get 15 more practice sessions before their respective games.  not a bad thing i guess.  plus all the money the schools get.  on and on and on.  just remember, if you really want to change the system–STOP WATCHING THESE USELESS BOWL GAMES!!!!  no sane amerikan wants the federal government sticking their nose into this mess.  we are the fans.  we should have some say.  not them.  screw them as a matter of fact but that’s for another time. 

i’m not going to run down the entire bowl line-up.  i’m just doing the games that i have some sort of interest in watching.  maybe.  there are point spreads for these games but i’m not using them.  i’ll mention the favorite and pick a winner.  betting on bowl games is even dumber than betting on the regular season games.

i shouldn’t tell you this but the last college football bet i made was on a 3 pick bowl game deal a number of years ago at a casino in nevada.  a friend and i split the bet.  we won and picked up a nice chunk of change to split after expenses.  you on the other hand should not try it.  taking what i deal out here and using to bet on the games is utter stupidity and insanity.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.  this is for fun only.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12/22  las vegas bowl.  oregon st and byu.  oregon st a slim favorite.  byu goes to this bowl every year.  their fans just have to cross the border and they are there and they come in droves.  to gamble and drink.  so much for religion.  yes, i know.  not all of em.  this should be a good game.  hopefully both teams show up and are ready to play.  i figure the beavs will be ready.  if you haven’t seen the brothers rodgers kick out the jams you should watch this one.  and take oregon st to win.

12/23  poinsettia bowl, san diego.  california and utah.  cal a slim favorite.  san diego in the winter is pretty cool.  a nice place to visit.  if you enjoy crowds.  can tedford get the boys up for this one?  because utah will be ready to play.  good game.  take utah to win.

12/24  hawaii bowl, hawaii.  nevada and smu.  nevada the favorite.  hmmm.  interesting that.  this is june jones coming back to the place where he had a number of great years coaching hawaii.  he has the mustangs back in the hunt once again.  take smu to win.

12/26  emerald bowl, san francisco.  usc and boston college.  usc the favorite.  a step down for the usual trojan bowl season.  however, the city is always a nice place to visit and hang out.  if pete brings the boys ready to play then it should be an easy win.  however, that hasn’t been the case the second half of the season for the trojans.  boston college can play.  good game and it will be fun watching coach pete try and stay warm at candlestick in december.  take the trojans to win.  FIGHT ON!!!

12/29  eagle bank bowl, washington.  ucla and temple.  i’m not sure just which washington they are talking about here.  doesn’t matter.  the interesting thing is temple and bowl being used in the same sentence.  welcome to college football, temple owls.  ucla is a slim favorite.  take temple to win.  come on it’s their first bowl ever.  probably.

12/30  holiday bowl, san diego.  arizona and nebraska.  arizona a slim favorite.  san diego is the center piece once again.  take arizona to win.

12/31  sun bowl, el paso.  oklahoma and stanford.  oklahoma favored.  the heisman runner-up may or may not play with his usual gusto due to wanting to turn pro.  i can’t blame him.  maybe a good game.  take oklahoma to win.

1/1    THE rose bowl, pasadena.  oregon and ohio st.  oregon a slim favorite.  run and gun vs a 1960′s offense.  however, ohio st has a damn fine defense.  a good game.  take oregon to win.  QUACK!!! QUACK!!!

1/2    alamo bowl, san antone.  texas tech and michigan st.  texas tech favored.  could be a good game.  as usual i have to go with my semi alma mater, texas tech to win.  and be sure to visit: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

1/4    fiesta bowl, arizona.  tcu and boise st.  tcu favored.  two pretty good undefeated teams going at each other once again in a bowl game.  a match-up i wanted to see but nobody else did.  until there is a play off it will always and as it should be in boise’s regard: yeah, but look who they played.  take tcu to win.

1/5    orange bowl, miami.  georgia tech and iowa.  georgia tech a slim favorite.  i seriously doubt i’ll even watch this one.  take iowa to win.

1/7    bcs championship, pasadena.  alabama and texas.  bama a slim favorite.  the pasadena chamber of commerce is in a tizzy this year.  dreams of mucho dinero run all thru their heads.  cash and coin falling into city coffers.  tell you what, pasadena.  don’t count the money yet.  you can prolly count on the tools up in sacramento stealing that money so they can set fire to it and roast some marshmallows.  that you can count on.  at this point in the bowl season i’ve had enough long before this one trots out.  i’m not gonna watch it.  you shouldn’t either.  make a statement to the tools in the conferences and the deans of all the div1 schools.  we’ve had enough.  we want playoffs.  TURN OFF YOUR TV ON THE EVENING OF JAN THE 7TH.  pick who you want.  i don’t care.

that’s it kids.  the usual sad coda to the college football season.  so now we sit and stew until the first week of september when the sweet short season is here once again.  is it september yet?!?!?

jmh

a ‘country music’ christmas

for whatever reason, the brown eyed girl gave me an early christmas present this year.  even though she doesn’t share my love for country, make that old and real country music, i do on occasion catch her tapping a foot or two in the car when i have some hank sr or III or spade or bob or gram blasting on the car stereo.  and she does do stuff like buying me country cd’s she knows i’ll enjoy or like…

the gift in question, the book, ‘country music–the people, places, and moments that shaped the country sound’, by richard carlin, with photography by raeanne rubenstein, 2006.  the book is a nice history of country music.  any country fan would be or should be proud to own the book.  though it doesn’t delve into the minutia of the genre but it does hits most of the high notes with a nice page or two with lots of photos i haven’t seen before.

a hefty tome on nice glossy paper and the perfect book for that coffee table or tv tray.  easy reading and well worth the price.  originally $35.  but you can find it on amazon from $8.99 to $14.  a steal of a deal and i would recommend hitting them up before they are all gone.  the brown eyed girl found mine in a discount store here in so calif for $9.99.

‘country music’ covers just about everybody from the beginnings to plastic fantastically now-a-days lame nashville.  though the nashville of today stuff is minimal and is at the end of the 330 page book.  for my money, any book that devotes a page or so with photos of spade cooley and a two page spread on gram parsons and the byrds is alright by me.  if you enjoy history and country music all rolled up into one sweet package then you really ought to find this book and put it in your book self or give it to someone who will give it a good home.  this is a good book that deserves better than discount store book selves and amazon clearance sales.  though you sure can’t beat the current prices.

since i’m already here.  VHI, not generally one of my favorite tv channels, has been running the 2 hour (with commercials) 1982 concert movie of the rolling stones, ‘let’s spend the night together’.  it’s worth a look and a tivo.  though the first half has sound problems, the second half sorta sorts that out and kicks things up a notch or two.  not country music?  ‘never under estimate the influence of country music on rock ‘n’ roll.’– keith richards.  nuff said.

jmh

the winter of our discontent

this originally appeared on 10/1/08 under the title, ‘the summer of our discontent’.  it has been re-worked a bit and there is still plenty of discontent to go around.  i may even toss in the original just because i can.

yes, i’m still using the steinbeck title.  this time even more blatantly so.  it’s an out right steal.  be that as it may.

christmas eve morning and the senate tools in DC have passed the health care fiasco.  it might help some folks but for the most part the rest of us are screwed.  penalties.  higher health premiums.  more taxes.  yeah, i know.  we are promised it will reduce the deficit.  just how i haven’t a clue other than your tax bill is going to look donald trump’s bank statement.  i don’t see it any other way.

we were also once promised medicare would never cost as much as it has.  now the ass holes want to cut it in some sort of new deal ponzi scheme in order to pay for it.  god, the mind reels at their madness.  utter chaotic gobbly goop that we the people are supposed to suck up like it’s manna from heaven.  the gall of those fools.

the disdain for what we the people want is nothing more than a slap in the face.  when the majority of the people in this country wanted nothing to do with the current 1,000 page plus secret filled and pork laden health bill it didn’t matter to the anointed elite.  they can’t feel our pain anymore.  not that it ever really mattered to them in the first place. 

our pain has nothing to do with them.  they play by their own set of rules.  their own health care system in place and it will remain in place.  god forbid they have to scramble or stand or sit and wait for care.  no, they are special. 

we’ve come a long way from, we the people and a government by and for the people.  those sentiments are long gone.  meaningless phrases the elite say didn’t mean that in the first place.  they KNOW.  they KNOW everything.  they know jack shit is what it amounts to.  and we get to eat shit.

i’m probably on a few lists already.  especially after my last email the other day to one of my senators.  the funny thing is she sent me an email and i answered it.  sucker punched i’m sure.  at any rate, i may as well solidify my standing on those lists. 

we have been led down the primrose path by the tools in DC.  from the very top to the bottom.  they buy select caches of votes and you get enough of those caches you are guaranteed a lifetime of thumbing your nose at the great unwashed.  us.  they suck up to the money for nothing and your chicks for free folks like they are the only people out here.  deal here.  pander there.

the anointed elite’s current take on a government by and for the people is nothing more than the choice between slavery and freedom.  simple as that.  they chip away every day at freedom and have been at it for years.  enslaving us in their convoluted mish mash of politically correct communist swill gobbly goop.  and we are here to help you lies because you are to stupid to help yourselves.

yeah, this is a rant and i should in theory feel better after said rant.  i don’t.  i feel even worse.  and afraid for this once great nation, amerika.  those of us old enough to remember a time in school when typing was taught on the old manual typewriters, there was a phrase we were all taught and used to sorta hone our skills. 

Now is the time for every good boy to come to the aid of your country.  no truer words were ever typed.  slavery or freedom.  it’s our choice.

jmh

the summer of our discontent (from the vault) 
 
yes, once again i steal one or sorta steal one from steinbeck.  what can i say?  other than it fits here and there in the so calif summer that just refuses to die.  as to whether or not this blog makes any sense remains to be seen.  

seems like every year this time i’ve just about had it with summer and the fucking triple digit temps lolly gagging around and over so calif or the mojave desert or sonora desert of the southwest.  sure, it’s more or less normal for this time of year but the older i get the more i wish it would just get the hell out of the way of more tepid temps and tons of cold rainfall for my native state.  the last is always a hope of mine for this time of year, as well.  remember, i grew up here when agriculture was still the cash cow in socal.

drought remains king here in the land of california.  if things don’t change and change soon the state motto should be changed from: eureka!; to: you don’t miss your water till the well runs dry.  yeah, it’s a line from an old blues song.  my favorite version is an old one by taj mahal.  i’m sure you can find a version of the tune on youtube if you are so inclined.

summertime and discontent.  discontent with summer and the stuff happening this summer.  a double sorta whammy.  first off we have tweeledee and tweedledum running for office.  the tweedle is interchangeable in either case.  to paraphrase my canadian friend john’s latest blog, canada and the us of a are about to elect idiots to the highest office of each land.  a sad state of affairs if there ever was one.

to make matters worse we are in the middle of the banker, politician created financial mess.  greed heads abound.  greed is bi-partisan.  when the whip comes down you won’t see any of them in the soup line with you.  oh, they may show up to ladle you your bowl of gruel to show you that they feel your pain and really really do give a fuck about you.  deal is they rolled up in a hummer or a town car with a driver/bodyguard.  you on the other hand, will have rolled up some newspaper and stuck it in your shoe so you could walk a few miles to the nearest soup line.

they will go home after the ladling to some compound surrounded by a nice wall with broken glass and razor wire cemented into its top.  plus a platoon of mercs to insure no riff raff gets within shooting range.  yeah, the ones that want to ban guns will be using them on anyone who gets with in range of one.  count on it.  yes, i’m a pessimist.  big deal.  your point? 

i suppose my biggest fear in this continuing summer of my discontent would be something like what really did happen in one of my long ago lifetimes.

i was in south vietnam during that fracas.  we, in the military, were paid in mpc or military payment currency or some sorta gobbly goop.  i forget exactly but that’s not the point.  at some point or another the politicians decided that the current mpc being used was getting into too many of the locals hands.  i suppose even charlie got his mitts on some as well.  though i doubt you could buy many arms with the stuff in poland.  greenbacks on the other hand were another story or blog.  and i’m drifting like a banshee here but i may reel it in.  maybe. 

so.  we were told that the deal was gonna go down on a certain day or maybe not.  like i said it was a lifetime ago.  at any rate, we sorta knew it was gonna happen. 

the day the deal went down our small macv compound was locked down.  as was every other military camp in south vietnam.  we all lined up and handed over our old mpc and were in turn given new mpc.  the old stuff was then totally fucking useless. 

we had some local vietnamese as workers on the compound.  they, of course, stood outside the wire watched and waited with sad looks on their faces.  a few tears as well.  they had just become penny less or much much poorer.  sure they still had a job but nothing in the bank, as it were.

perhaps some of you see where this is going.  point is, we at some point are gonna be those hapless vietnamese if the greed heads and politicians don’t stop being self serving greedy ass holes.  count on it.

today’s pessimism was brought to you by dow chemical co and their subsidiaries the makers of agent orange. 

jmh

2009 college bowl wrap-up

yes, there are still a few games left in this bowl season.  however, i’m done.  hence, the wrap-up.  the sad state of the pac-10′s play in the bowl games has nothing to do with it.  i have been promoting non-watching these bowl games any the ways.  shame on you for watching.  shame on me for watching a couple of them as well. 

the most shame coming from yesterdays rose bowl lose by my beloved ducks.  they had a chance to sorta make a statement for the pac-10 and came up short.  well, so did the cal bears, the stanford trees, and the oregon st beavers for that matter.  what happened?

no player motivation and no motivational coaching are probably the answers.  plus these games come too long after the regular season.  players have other things on their minds.  things like, free suvs, crack pipes, armed robbery, no show jobs, rape, free rent for mom and dad, and assorted other felonies and misdemeanors.  plus the coaches that keep a blind eye on such behavior.  and then wonder why they can’t motivate the team.

yes, of course i’m a bit over the top on that stuff.  but am i really that much over the top?  i don’t think so.  anyways, that’s not why i’m here. 

i’m here, once again, to remind you not to watch the rest of the bowl games.  yeah, ok.  i confess.  i may watch a bit of the tcu boise game.  and yes, i love bama.  i have since i was a kid.  just like the ducks.  but i’m not watching that game.  and neither should you.

the point being we need playoffs.  and a very strange thing has happened in that regard.  i’m not sure why just yet, though i may figure it out eventually.  there are some in the media who have long been advocates of a playoff system.  now some of those same folks are against a playoff system.  say what?  maybe they got their hands on some of that money being tossed around this time of year.  i don’t know.

at any rate, they are now saying no to playoffs because as it stands now every game counts.  if there is a playoff the regular season won’t matter.  we the fans won’t watch regular season games anymore.  they will become meaningless.  those guys now sound like politicians.  they think we are stupid.  just like the pols think we are stupid.

media types site college basketball as an example.  no one watches the games until march madness and the big dance.  the same thing would happen with college football.  we can’t weaken the regular season.  tell you what.  nobody watches college basketball until march because the damn season is six months long!  it starts sometime in october and goes till the end of february.  the only folks watching the whole deal on a regular basis are mom and dad and degenerate gamblers.  and the gamblers are only watching the last three minutes of the game!  

college football is only three short months.  one game a week for everybody.  not several like basketball.  the media anointed think we the fans won’t watch those 12 games if a playoff system is put into place.  i say, we the fans will watch the regular season because we love college football and we are salivating for a playoff system.  the media don’t know what they are talking about.  i say screw em.  we don’t need them when they come up with some good playoff ideas then do an about face and say, no to playoffs.  i don’t get it.

what i do get is we need playoffs and we need to stop watching these bowl games or playoffs will never happen.  and we need to stop listening to the anointed media hypers who tell us they know more than we do.  tell us one thing then tell us another.  just like the tools in washington.  screw em both.

jmh

rod stewart ~ soulbook ~

for me, football season is over for the next few months.  time for something different or back to the usual stuff here.  music for one.

the brown eyed girl loves rod stewart.  so i gave her a copy of his latest cd for christmas.  it’s been in her car cd player ever since.  fine with me as it’s a very good lp.  rod sings up some old motown stuff with the best of them.  from the opening, ‘it’s the same old song’, to the closer, ‘just my imagination’, with stops in between.  like my favorite on the cd, ‘love train’, the theme song for the tv show ‘soul train’.  the entire cd is filled with great stuff top to bottom.  you like old r & b?  you like rod stewart?  then you need this cd in your collection.  simple as that.

rod stewart has been around since the mid 60′s.  he first hit the radar with the band, the small faces.  which also featured ronnie wood who is now with the stones.  after rod split with the faces he teamed up for a spell with jeff beck as jeff’s lead singer.  now that kids was a band.  jeff ripping the place up with his guitar and rod laying down some fine bluesy vocals. 

the concert poster that follows is from a show i was lucky enough to see in the late 60′s at the shrine exposition hall next door to the actual shrine concert hall in los angeles.  imagine that.

the exposition hall was more like a basketball gym than a concert venue joint.  hardwood floors and no seats.  you sat your ass on the floor or you got up and boogied.  or both.  at any rate, that concert with jeff beck & rod stewart, the moody blues, and ten years after was probably one of the best concerts i ever saw and i saw tons of them.  from the stones to led zep and the who.  jimi, the dead, zappa, the doors, and the byrds just to name a few.

at any rate, that one show was killer.  it’s hard to imagine a line up like that.  just incredible.  even more so was the fact that ten years after played two sets and nearly set the place on fire with each set.   jeff and rod had to follow their last set.  they did indeed fill the bill and then some.

rod stewart has been around a long long time.  the guy just keeps on being an amazing vocalist.  he never ceases to amaze me.  to me, and i mean this with all due respect to both gentlemen, rod stewart is the tony bennett of my generation.  you may not like that but it is what it is.  rod is a phenomenal talent that just keeps on ticking.  check out his new stuff.  ‘soulbook’.

jmh

i’ll be away for awhile

my mom was recently diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer.  so, with that, i won’t have the time to write much here.  i will be back at it as soon as i can but family will be taking the lead here for a time.  there is plenty of stuff here to read if you look around.  i hope you do.  thanks for stopping by and i’ll return when i can.

jmh

duermes con dios

the weather around here has pretty much fit this past week of my life.  cold and rainy, with fits and starts of fleeting sunshine, along with a couple of lovely rainbows.  one of which my dad spotted when we were driving back to his place after the funeral home visit.  it made him cry a bit.  i probably would have as well but i was driving.

what can you say about a 95 year old woman, wife and mom?  one who’s last week on earth was whirl wind of movement confusion and pain.  ending with, when asked by a hospice nurse how she was doing relied, ‘just shoot me.’ well, that wasn’t the end.  it came five or six hours later in her sleep.  the sleep only pain pills and a chaser of sister morphine can bring.  either that or the gift of a benevolent god.

mom was one of the last remaining salt of the old earth types.  her and dad.  one of dad’s new found favorite phrases being, ‘i’m from the horse and buggy days.’  yes, he is.  and mom was too.  there aren’t many of them left.  their ranks thin out on an ever increasing daily basis.

mom was also old line native californian.  born in 1914 up in the central valley, madera, to be exact.  born to old world salt of the earth types, my italian grand parents.  the family moved to southern california in october of 1929.  yeah, the beginning of the last great depression.  the family settled in guasti, ca.  guasti/cucamonga, the heartland of old world northern italian grape growers and wine making.

mom and dad met at a dance out in riverside in 1941.  dad was already in the army at the time and stationed at camp hahn.  he asked her to dance and from there they were married in april of 1942 in las vegas.  it would have been 68 years this april.  an amazing feat if there ever was one.  they almost made it.  old school to the very end.

mom worked very hard during her life.  she held several winery jobs over the years and did a bit of house cleaning on the side as well.  she even took in ironing to add a few dollars to the family till.  all that while cooking and caring for dad and i.  she ended her working years as a cafeteria worker at the local high school.

she wasn’t the best cook in the world.  her mother, my grandmother, has and still owns that honor.  mom was and still is the second best cook in the world.  hands down. 

i owe her a lot.  lots of things in many ways. 

i love you and i’ll see you again some day, ma.  i’m going to miss you.  your pain and suffering are over.   

she was already dead but the last thing i said to her before they took her away was, duermes con dios, ma.  spanish for, sleep with god.  i hope she is.  

guasti, ca in the old days.

jmh

duermes con dios part 2

yesterday morning i picked up mom’s ashes at the funeral home.  we have to take them to the cemetery tuesday for the service.  the funeral home not transporting them there was not in the package deal my folks bought years ago.  it’s fine with me.  mom’s last ride will be with my dad, me, the brown eyed girl, one of my cousin’s and his wife.

at present, her urn is reposing in a cardboard wine box in the master bedroom over in cuca.  the wine box made it easier to transport her yesterday.  i’m figuring she doesn’t mind the wine box so much because last night was the best night’s sleep i’ve had in a long long time.

i have to tell you that i did have plans for some of mom’s ashes.  i was going to remove some and sprinkle them in a nice vineyard that we pass by on occasion.  you know one of those deals when you drive by and say, ‘hi, mom.’ then maybe wave a bit.  i had also planned on leaving a few ashes in guasti.  the old family home.  planned being the operative word here.

the state and counties of california frown upon folks doing that sort of stuff with relatives or otherwise ashes.  something i really don’t understand but whatever.  state and county laws were not the reason i decided not to scatter a few of the ashes.

the highly polished square brass urn she’s in doesn’t seem like it would be very easy to open without leaving a trace.  sorta like leaving scratches on a door lock that’s been picked.  picked by even a master.

you see mom is going to be interred at riverside national cemetery.  a veterans cemetery.  mom gets in because of dad’s service during the big war. 

i can see it now.  we roll up to the cemetery and hand over the urn to whomever and they notice some scratches or maybe i couldn’t even get the urn to close after breaking into it.  it would be like, ‘hmmm.  it looks like the urn has been tampered with.  i’m sorry but now we can’t bury it here.  rules being rules and all.’  see what i’m saying?  that would be a scenario right out of a bad movie.  and something that i wouldn’t want to put dad through.  so mom will sit in the bedroom, in her urn, in her wine box, undisturbed until tuesday morning and it’s time for that last ride.  

another view from the old days.

   

jmh

usc football and tiger woods or stuff to read while waiting for the game to start

i missed writing about a few big time sports stories this past month or so due to family stuff.  family issues are still around but not like they were.  and i’m afraid if i don’t pound this out i won’t ever get to it.  plus, i’m getting rusty and that’s only going to get worse as well if i don’t get at it.  one of the stories i’ve been sitting around waiting to see what was going to happen.  the other one just goes to show you that a once great football player doesn’t necessarily make for a good athletic director.

i predicted pete carroll would be leaving usc this year or maybe as late as next year in order to go back to the nfl.  yep, i sure did.  it was the week after the trojans lost to the washington huskies.  as yogi berra once said, you can look it up.  ok, i did.  actually i did say he might leave after the year was over.  that was back in october and close enough for blog work. coach pete is gone but let me also predict he will be back coaching again in the college ranks.  maybe even in five years or less.  he could also end up back at usc ala john robinson.  just saying. 

pro ball is completely different than college ball in any number of areas.  the prime one being most of the players are in their late 20′s and 30′s.  pete’s loosey goosey let’s have some fun while i pull a few inane pranks probably won’t go over any better than they did for him the first time around in the pros.  there is a huge difference between an 18 year old and a 30 year old.  at any rate, i wish him well.  but he’ll be back.  count on it.

the trojans went out and hired lane kiffen from tennessee.  a first year coach with a so so record.  however, a coach with ties to usc and pete carroll.  i’m sure he wasn’t their first choice.  there was no reason for him to even be considered other than he was an assistant coach at usc and his dad is actually a pretty good defensive co-ordinator.  dad is part of the package.

i guess the biggest part of the problem is the trojan AD, mike garrett. he was in a rush to hire someone.  and as it turns out almost anyone.  mike is also a guy, who in my opinion, should probably be fired and maybe keel hauled as well.  he has no business running an athletic program such as usc’s.  to hire kiffen was stupid at best.  after all, kiffen just signed a 12 year old kid to play for usc six or seven years down the road.  what sort of odd ball does something like that?  an odd ball who loves to say stupid stuff to the press and now he pulls off one of the biggest and dumbest deals ever in college football. 

what was or is mike garrett thinking?  he was on watch for the o. j. mayo basketball debacle and the reggie bush, ‘let’s score some money for mom and dad deal’.  plus some other seemingly minor/major ncaa football issues.  well, so was coach pete, but he bailed out of the flaming plane while he could.  a smart move on his part.

sad times loom for us trojan faithful with the new guy at the controls.  and it’s obviously time for mike garrett to find another job.  before he causes some more bad juju for the trojans.  go ruin some other college athletic program, please.

the other elephant in the room, at least for me, would be the tiger woods story.  long time readers know i love the game of golf.  i had a golf pro in the family along with a very fine amateur player as well.  i wasted many a day out on the golf course back when i should have been doing or making something better of my life.  not that i’m complaining.  things have turned out ok  for me, amazingly enough.

tiger woods was and still probably is the greatest golfer ever.  period.  no doubt.  his sexual escapades not with standing.  and as it turns out he was just doing what old dad, earl, was doing while tiger was growing up.  like father like son.  plus the groupie factor involved in sports and politics.  for example, see john edwards, bubba clinton, lbj, ike and the list goes on even back to good ol’ ben franklin and beyond. 

it is indeed a sad thing what tiger has done to his family.  and perhaps even to himself.  i’m not here to cast judgment on that aspect of his life.  it is after all, a private matter and none of our business.  though the tabloids make it seem like he is ruining our collective lives as well.  perhaps tiger has ruined his personal life along with his golfing life.  both of which remain to be seen.  though i have a theory on his golfing life.

there is nothing tiger woods wants more than to surpass king jack and his 18 major tourney wins.  an amazing feat in and of itself.  golf being the hardest game to master, hands down.  to win 18 major tournaments with the associated pressures involved with just trying to keep the ball in play while the golfing world watches is, to me, something akin to a walking earthly deity.  king jack is indeed one of them.

tiger was and still hopefully is one of them as well.  my theory about tiger?  things, golfing things, had been to easy for tiger.  after all, he’s already won 14 major tournaments at a relative young age.  in a year or two he would have easily passed king jack’s record.  that is had all things remained equal or barring any major injuries.

the deal is, i’m thinking tiger just went overboard with his bimbos and hookers with predetermined abandon.  cold calculating abandon.  of course, that is nothing his family wants to hear but bear with me.  golf was too easy.  not easy for you or me or the vast majority of tour players for that matter.  tiger just wanted to make things harder on himself and his golf game.

tiger needed to overcome some horrible life altering experience like ben hogan’s life altering fog shrouded texas highway traffic accident.  one that left ben for almost dead and crippled.  an accident and injuries he overcame to come limping back to win the los angeles open in a playoff.  an almost superhuman feat of true grit.  and several years later ben won three of the four major tournaments in one year.  all of that after ben’s doctors predicted he would never walk again, let alone play golf. 

see what I’m trying to say here?  that’s what tiger is trying to do.  he’s going to try to comeback from a horrible life altering accident or experience in order to make golf harder for himself.  much much harder when trying to win at least five more major tournaments.  thus placing him on top of golf’s leader board for perhaps eternity.

maybe tiger never consciously thought that out but i’ll lay odds he has or it’s some unconscious thought process he’s had or is having.  i mean he won his last us open on one good leg.  he came back after major reconstructive surgery on one knee to win 7 tournaments and the fedex cup last year.  he was probably thinking that was fairly easy, even with all things involved and considered. 

so now, he has an even bigger obstacle or hill to climb when he does comeback because he will comeback at some point this year.  pundits claim it will be for the masters.  maybe.  but the masters won’t be his first tournament.  not even tiger could comeback with only playing practice rounds and expect to win the pressure cooker masters.  for what?  the sixth or seventh time?   i’m guessing at least one but more likely two tournaments preceding it if he wants to really compete.  my guess, for his his return, he’ll opt for arnold palmer’s florida tournament a few weeks before the masters.

he and arnold are great friends and tiger has won that tourney a number of times.  he loves the course and he enjoys arnold’s company.  a perfect match for his comeback tour and his first steps back to begin again the climb for the crown of the golfing kingdom.
jmh

something to ponder while waiting for the other shoe to drop(?)

i took my ride to the toyota dealer the other day.  it was time for some scheduled maintenance and then there’s that ‘problem’ toyota is having which needed to be addressed as well.  toyota has said any number of things about the ‘problem’.  a problem which has lots of us folks wondering if the car we are riding in will be worth anything at all down the road.  the safety issue doesn’t concern me that much.  one, i know what to do.  i knew that before toyota started yammering about what to do if the deal went down.  two, given the number of their cars on the road and the number of times it’s occurred the odds are slim.  and in my favor, well, so far, that anything is going to happen to me in particular.  yeah, so far.

at any rate, the dealership i go to is owned by former football great, john elway.  whenever i go there i’m always hoping it will be one of the days he’s actually at the place.  i mean he has a parking spot out front with his name on it and the workers do say he does show up on occasion.  i figure we could toss the old pigskin around out on the lawn or something.  i could run a few patterns.  well, make that sorta walk/run a few patterns and he could fire the pigskin at me.  hopefully, not disabling me in the process.  ah, dreams.  and i’m drifting.

the place was busier than i’ve ever seen it.  folks and cars stacked up everywhere.  i’m sure that’s probably the scene at most toyota dealers all over the world.  a madhouse.  i had an appointment so things weren’t too bad, though the whole deal took much longer than usual.  it gave me time to think about stuff while i read a bit and people watched.  i was thinking, what if…

the tiny village was quiet except for the sound of the crackling fire.  the smell of fatty lamb hung in the air as the platoon of green berets made their way out of the ville and on to the next.  two men standing in a doorway smiled slightly as the soldiers moved further into the distance.  once the troops were out of sight they moved back inside the hut and sat by the fire.

the americans are stupid.

yes, but we’ve always known that.

hand me the knife, i’m still hungry.

they were quiet as they started to eat again.  the whole village remained quiet.  their two guests were very important people and the villagers didn’t want to disturb them in any way.  the men began talking again.

our plan is working.  soon the others will follow.

we learned much from the north vietnamese.  americans, as well as the rest of the world, have no patience.  we have patience.  and we have true believers on our side.  believers who will do anything to make allah the one and only true god.

all praise to allah.

your plan to infiltrate capitalist corporations was brilliant and is working even better than expected.

yes, it took time but time is on our side.  time and allah.

all praise to allah.

you know, my brother, when i first thought of it i couldn’t imagine that it was going to be this successful.  i mean, a simple plan is always the best.  several engineers in several different jobs in some of the biggest capitalist corporations in the world.  a simple thing, several small glitches programed into and buried inside electronics and computers that are almost impossible to find.  glitches that are beginning to bring down the auto giant toyota.  soon, others will follow.

god is great.  all praise to allah.

yeah, strange thoughts while sitting and waiting at my local toyota dealership.

jmh

john harrelson’s, ‘cottonmouth revelator’, a cd review

my friend, john harrelson, is indeed back in the saddle again with his latest cd release, ‘cottonmouth revelator’.  boy howdy, if you like the blues then this cd is a must have.  john has gone back to his blues roots for some of the best blues i’ve heard in long time.  this cd takes me back to the late 60′s and back to when the great blues bands traveled the land. it also reminds me of why that music was so good and still is so damn good.  real blues and real country.  ain’t nothin’ better than pure american music.

i suppose i could just copy the liner notes written by his executive producer and old hard luck boy roadie, john neiuber, because john does a great job setting up the cd.  but i’m not gonna do that. i’ll just ramble along as usual and see what happens.

‘i want your ass’ is an old harrelson standard and it shows up here with a fire and polish i haven’t heard before.  the tune is one of my favorite harrelson songs that’s played with gusto and humor at all of his live gigs.  it’s nice to see it here with john and jeff ross kickin’ out some fine guitar licks along with john’s whiskey growl that make this his best version of that classic harrelson song.  speaking of great ass.  i love the photo and accompanying tattoo on the cd’s cover.

how about some ‘bar-b-que’?  yeah, bbq.  a great song done in the old spoken blues tradition sorta the original rap.  but much much better.  john gives the song a wonderful old feel with a sadly politically in correct these days kingfish style monologue.  a tune right out of guitarist jeff ross’ little bbq book.  though mike krevis is playing on this song.  jeff has a passion for bbq and has a book filled with notes about all the bbq joints he’s eaten in over the years.  john has nailed that bbq passion in this wonderfully funny classic blues song.

other harrelson originals include, ‘fire and gasoline’ a wonderful harrelson song.  ‘redeeming angel’ another favorite of mine.  ‘sugar’ with a killer vocal from john.  ‘whose little sister?’, yeah, who’s?.  sexy and sweet.  ‘looking for you’, ‘i want to teach you french’, the title says it all.  ‘independent woman’, great lyrics and guitar work.  the song reminds me of old paul butterfield stuff.  ‘talk dirty to me’ and ‘love among lovers’.      

along with the eleven harrelson originals there’s three re-makes of all-time classic blues tunes.  robert johnson’s ‘crossroads’ gets a fine treatment with john’s vocals and jeff and john’s guitars.  also a fine rendition of b. b. king’s ‘worried life blues’ filled with kickin’ guitar and john’s sweet vocal.  then there’s one of my favorites on the cd.  muddy waters’, ‘long distance call’.  holy crap, momma, lock up the kids.  this is what the blues are all about.  those three songs bring john’s passion for the genre right up front and center, then he slaps you up side the head with it.  shit don’t get much better.  trust me.

‘cottonmouth revelator’ is for any blues lover and/or fan.  it’s john harrelson back to where he started, singing and playing the blues.  singing and playing with a passion you don’t see from many performers these days.  musicianship, passion, style, polish, and wit all sum up this cd from john. 

john harrelson is known in these parts for his raw gutsy style.  tell you what, this cd is raw and gutsy but with a polish and style that i haven’t heard from john before.  ‘cottonmouth revelator’ could only have come from a life of living and loving the blues.  john harrelson has lived that life.  sure nuff.  the music here is testament to the love of his life, the blues.   

oh, yeah.  be sure to let it keep tracking when it’s all over.  john lays out some fine acoustic bottleneck that’s worth the wait.

john is joined by his usual band on this cd along with some other stellar folks as well.  brian chapman, bass. steph kuhn, drums.  jeff ross, guitar and bottleneck.  dr roland avalon, upright bass.  k. r. ehmmann, tenor sax.  dj alverson, bass.  mike krevis, guitar.  steve ross, drums.  c mccormick, bass.  a waddington, drums.  kid cadillac, baritone, sax.  e moultrie, backing vocals.  r donofrio, bass.  and of course, john harrelson, vocals, guitar, bottleneck, harmonica, piano, and organ.  john has had some fine line-ups in the past.  however, for my money, this one is his best.        

tell you what, my friend, thanks for the music.  again.  this one sure does hit some notes.  really really sweet notes. 

buy this cd and crank it up loud.  very loud.  you’ll be glad you did.  rock ‘n’ roll.

http://cdbaby.com/cd/harrelson

jmh

just another road trip

the time has come for another road trip.  lord knows i need one after the past month or so of dealing with way too much reality.  dad is squared away for the time being and whatever leftover stuff from mom’s passing can wait a week.  the important stuff has already gone down.

on a drift, i have to say that at least dealing with social security wasn’t so bad.   really.  of course, the bullshit button pushing at the start of the call is pretty much stupid and a waste of time.  but once you get someone to actually speak with things are or went ok. well, so far.  on the other hand, dealing with the california public employees retirement system was like, you must be kidding, right?  that process just goes to show you and affirm the obvious, the late great state of california is in even bigger trouble than anyone thinks.

any the ways, i’m in my pre-trip angsty mode.  the waiting is the hardest part.  it always is or at least for me it is.  i need to be behind the wheel heading out on the highway.  as usual this trip is up to the central valley and my heart of darkness.  long days and nights of drink and bbq or homemade italian stuff.  dago red consumed by the case.  all manner of meat protein charred on the grill.  arcane old italian recipes made famous by dead relatives still live and breathe new life, by at times, unsure hands.

by next weekend, food and drink will have already taken a heavy toll on our old bodies. but then it’s time to get weird time.  and like hunter thompson used to say, ‘when the going gets weird.  the weird turn pro.’  we will turn pro and head up into the sierras and 3 days of dark madness.

i need this trip.  more so than ever before.  the brown eyed girl knows this.  i know this. the hammer must come down on sanity and real life drama.  the 11 year old boy mentality needs to come kicking and screaming to the forefront bashing the straight and normal world to pieces.  ah, yes.  breathe deep.  suck in atom heart mother.  insanity is only skin deep.  let loose it’s reign.

see you on the flip side.

jmh

little oscar’s night

tomorrow evening is oscar time once again.  and yet again, i’m torn as to whether i’ll even be watching the show.  the brown eyed girl loves awards shows and says she is going to prepare a very nice assortment of appetizers for the semi sort of festivities, to go along with some bubbly since we have a large stockpile of the stuff.  so, i suppose i will and hopefully it will prove to even be an amusing evening.  they have steve martin and alec baldwin lined up as the hosts.  they also promise some sappy slapstick and a tribute to horror movies.  all of which appeal to the 11 year old in me.   though the brown eyed girl is already worried and troubled about the horror movie deal.  which of course, just goes to show you she’s a fully grown woman with an advanced degree from a major university.  but i digress.  the producer of the show also says not to miss the first hour.  ok.  cool.  however, i’m wondering why?  hopefully, it’s because they’re planning for some major league nip slippage to surpass the super bowl nip slip of ms. jackson.any the ways, given the fact that i don’t go to movies much anymore, i figure they may as well turn the night into a tribute to, oscar meyer.  little oscar in particular.  or more to the point the man that played him, george molchan.  sure, why not?  those of us old enough remember him very fondly.  the diminutive in stature gentleman tooling around in his wiener mobile.  along with the wiener whistle he handed out at all of his gigs, was and still is, one of the greatest of all the 50′s deals.     gigs where he traveled into south land towns in the wiener mobile and then glad handed all of us noisy snotty kids.  gigs where he also let us get a look inside the wiener mobile.  a wonderful piece of custom built ride that looked like a hot dog.  a true masterpiece of 50′s auto engineering.  yeah, i met little oscar once here locally when i was a kid.  a day i still remember.  a semi sort of high point even to this day.  an 11 year old boy’s semi sort of christmas eve played out on some hot summer day in a super market parking lot. george molchan and the wiener mobile back in the day. the wiener mobile. yeah, hollyweird should honor little oscar on oscar night.  it would be the right thing to do.  though sadly, like other right things to do, it probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon, much to my chagrin.  i guess the only thing i can look forward to is hopefully some decent comedy and classic non stop nip slippages brought to us by quick thinking tv cameramen sent there to cover the massive calculated wardrobe malfunctions.  all of us 11 year old boys will be eagerly watching the event while we sip champagne, munch fine cheeses and yell snarky things at the tv.  all that being said, in what has become my annual oscar tradition, i’m trotting out a couple of things from my vault that recall the golden years of film. i hope you enjoy them. jmh donna di’monico yeah, donna di’monico was her name.  a contract player for warner bros in the 40’s and 50’s.  lot’s of b westerns as second leading lady, plus the last of the serials.  she once told me, in a round about way, she had fucked howard hughes.  but she wasn’t one of his hayseed bimbos locked up in one of howie’s fuck pads.  no, not donna.  she moved and grooved to a beat all her own. donna was an early lipstick lesbian.  when doing a bit part on an early ‘colgate comedy hour’,  she blew dino while playing dildo momma to marilyn maxwell and some make-up lady.  jerry sat and watched.  nice work if you can get it, i suppose.  as time passed she got fewer acting calls.  she never got into the older character stuff.  too much work she used to tell me.  but every once in awhile she would get some commercial work.  lever bros or one of the other yid soap joints, as she used to call them.  nice work.  easy 2 day max work.  plus the residuals were good, even in the late 60’s early 70’s. don’t get me wrong she wasn’t hurting.  no, not donna.  she did ok.  she had plenty of time to prowl the bars on la cieniga and ventura.  out looking for some young cooze who may have seen her when she was a kid, like they were.  some kid who wanted to munch down on that well manicured carpet.  so they could say, hey, ever hear of donna di’monico?  we fucked last night.  nice old babe and still holding up ok.  god, she ate my snatch like she hadn’t eaten anything in months.  great fuck. yeah, donna di’monico, the older she got the more genteel she became. doing charity work and joining historical societies. she got off on the historical stuff.  the older the shit was the more she was into it.  like trees.  she really got into old trees.  say 450 year old california oaks in some old downtown southern california berg gone to seed or illegal aliens.  or like this old cork tree where i live.  it’s at least a good 500 years old, probably the oldest around.  left standing when they razed the old hotel it had stood in front of for decades.  rumor has they had built the hotel there, where the cork tree stood, because it was such a beauty and old way back then. yeah, donna di’monico.  she really got into that cork tree.  at some point she started badgering this local pbs tv guy, who was into trees as well, to come out and take a gander and shoot some video of the tree.  the cork tree and genteel historical society lady, donna di’monico.  for donna that meant another shot at some air-time, 21st century air-time.  she would email the guy weekly.  donna always got a return email from some staffer saying, thanks, we get lots of ideas and email.  we’ll give this one to the boss.  donna kept it up.  the guy finally said, ok.  the tree sounds ok.  they are coming out tomorrow morning.  only trouble is donna bought the farm last night.  yeah, donna di’monico, is dead.  so, i guess i’ll have to meet the guy out by the cork tree in the morning, which means i’m going to be her last stand in.  adios, aunt donna. jmh the dust and heat… hung in the tijuana air like a freeze frame from hell.  cars honked and clamored looking for an inch in which to move.  nothing ever did.  in sunglasses and old clothes he moved through it all.  no one knew him.  he moved slowly looking for the place.  if you looked at him closely you could see the disease at work.  taking what was left of his life and mocking him with each painful step.  finally the place.  the earthly waiting room for hell.  the bell above the door tinkled when he opened it.  as the door closed the hell from the streets outside stopped and the smell of the office over came him.  a small greasy headed man got up from behind an equally greasy desk and spoke. ah, senor bullet, you have come. yes, on the phone, you said you could help me? si.  yes, i can.  por favor, follow me. through the cluttered outer office and into the dank dismal treatment rooms they went.  a strange but familiar odor growing in the man’s nose.  the small mexican finally stopped at a dirty examination table.  he turned and said.    please, senor, you must deesrobe. ok. the man replied. he was resigned to it.  it was all that was left.  this final sad humility of an approaching death.  a last chance stop on the road of life. hokay, meester bullet, now you must assept these enemas of the coffees to cure you cancers.  por favor, on the tables.  you must spread you nalgas for me. a tear formed in the corner of his eye as the man moved to comply.  only to be used as substance by a very large nasty house fly. outside the dust, heat, and noise, for that moment, stopped.  something had gone from us all.  forever.  in an instant they all began to move.  again.  to oppress.  again.  moving us closer to this hell on earth. jmh

crazy heart

the brown eyed girl and i finally got around to watching ‘crazy heart’ yesterday in the privacy of our living room.  a good thing to be sure as most of the time i’m like i want to see that movie.  maybe.  but the thought of going to a movie theater anymore doesn’t rank very high on my list.  some one we know gave us a dvd copy to watch.  one of those academy for your consideration deals.  actually, no, that isn’t true.  we found a dvd copy of the movie in the parking lot out front of this taco joint we favor here in cuca.  a find to be sure.  and we were very lucky the find didn’t screw up our dvd player.

 

i’m glad i finally got to see the movie.  jeff bridges was outstanding and i enjoyed the story as well. plus the music was pretty damn good too.  maybe one day i’ll find a cd copy of the soundtrack at the car wash or some other place.  that would be cool.  finding good music just laying around like a good movie is always a plus.

 

about the only problem i had with the movie is jeff bridges always seems to be drinking but the bottle really doesn’t seem to ever be more than 3/4′s empty.  he’s broke so it isn’t like he could go score more booze at some point off camera.  then there’s the fact he’s barfing like hank chinansky half the time.  fine.  though jeff’s character is a lightweight compared to hank chinansky.  just sayin’.  a minor point but one i felt needed to be made.

 

if you haven’t seen the movie ‘crazy heart’ make it a point to do so.  you’ll be glad you did.  as a matter of fact i’m looking forward to seeing it again someday.

 

jmh

it’s a family affair

this wednesday dad and i are going to the local cultural center here in cuca.  well, ok, rancho cucamonga for the johnny come lately purists.  the center and library are doing oral histories about cuca in the old days.  dad and i fit their bill. dad especially considering he started working at a local winery back in 1946 or so.  hopefully, he remembers the date better than i do.  it’s too bad mom isn’t around anymore because she was around here beginning in 1929. the folks doing the oral history told me we can bring some old photos if we wanted to.  they’ll scan them and use them in the short video dad and i will be doing.  we will get around 5 or 10 minutes each to tell our story.  though i’m thinking they may end up giving dad more time if he’s on his game and keeps the old cuca/guasti memories coming. at any rate, i’m bringing some photos along for the ride.  old stuff of mom’s family.  old stuff like the one you see here. as near as i can figure, the photo was taken probably in the summer of 1946 or 1947, at my grandparents house here in cuca.  the house i’ve written about in the past.  the house just several hundred yards west of the old padre winery.  the place where my grandfather worked for many a year and where i worked for a spell myself in the mid 70′s. it’s obvious the photo was taken in the summer due to all the beer bottles in said picture. beer never had much of a family presence unless it was summer. of the nineteen folks in the photo only four are still alive.  and possibly only three.  a sad fact. but a fact of life.  i can’t really tell who is hidden in row 1 and a half.  plus there are two or more people in the family who i know, had to be there and they aren’t in the photo.  ah, i’m rambling. so, for posterity from left to right starting in the back row we have: mary dotta, my mom’s sister and her husband, morris.  my mom, dora and the guy with the beer bottle on his head, my dad, ollie.  my mom’s sister, emma morrison. my grandfather, luigi ferrero, i love the way he’s holding the beer bottle.  my grandmother, louisa ferrero.  the lady next too my nona is a pia and also mixed in with family friends, vegina. next is a cousin-in-laws, lydia pia.  my mom’s oldest brother, peter ferrero. lydia’s husband and mom’s cousin, ernie pia. front row left to right, charles pia,  ernie and lydia’s son.  an aunt, edna ferrero and my mom’s brother pete ferrero.  my cousin and brother from another mother, dennis ferrero.  ernie and lydia’s daughter, shirley.  sonny ferrero, peter’s son.  the lady behind sonny is more than likely my mom’s sister josephine zolin.  finally, my cousin and peter’s daughter, joyce. i have no idea who took the photo. too long ago for either my dad or mom to remember, even a few years go.  like i said there are a couple of folks not in the picture who probably were there, joe zolin, josephine’s husband and dee ferrero, peter’s wife. there may have been several others wandering about in the heat drinking beer or playing bocci ball who didn’t hear the call for the photo or didn’t care at the time.  just a guess but it’s probably true. i miss all of them in the photo who have passed.  i have many fond memories of them all. very special memories from my youth and all the wonderful dinners and bbq’s held at that little house my grandparents used to live in.  to all those that have passed on, i’ll see you again one day.  fire up the barbie and find me a cold one. jmh

random weirdness another phase

it’s been a somewhat interesting week around these parts.  due mostly to the fact we haven’t had internet service since last friday or so.  verizon keeps saying they are gonna fix stuff but as yet they haven’t.  i’m doing this at the ulo place.  verizon has changed out 3 modems and done a few other things at the house but still no service.  service which has been intermittent since last november.  a royal pain in the ass.  yeah, that’s you verizon.

 

dad and i did the oral history thing at the cuca library last week.  we were only supposed to get 5 or 10 minutes but things stretched into around 30 minutes.  dad was off on the memory trail and it was sorta hard to keep him on point.  we shared the stage but i mostly just let him have his head. 

 

it might have gone a bit better but the library folks doing the project only asked us one question.  so it was up to us to more or less just wing it.  and wing it is what dad did.  i had a hard time trying to get some stuff in that dad wasn’t covering and i missed a few things.  it will be interesting to see just how they edited the session when we get a copy of the dvd.  we’re also invited to the premiere party for the project video at the end of june.  that should be interesting evening.

 

we got around to visiting mom’s grave site yesterday morning.  we also made a stop at the brown eyed girl’s dad’s resting place isn’t that far from mom’s.  at any rate, it was a hard trip for dad.  he had been fine earlier but seeing mom’s grave really broke him up.  it shook him up pretty good.  though he’s doing better now. 

 

depending on just how soon verizon gets their collective act together will depend on when i get back here.  so, until then,

keep the faith, baby.

 

jmh 

up in smoke(?)

as of yesterday the late great state of chaos, california, will have a ballot initiative legalizing pot come this november.  if it passes we will be able to light one up in the privacy of our living rooms.  i’m not here to tout pot’s abuse or use.  nor am i here to bury it.  you may or may not even like what i write here.  i really don’t care.  it is what it is.

 

there are already any number of johnny law types with their collective panties all tired up in a knot over the pot issue.  as a matter of fact, i’m pretty sure we’ll see a re-issue of the 30′s cult movie, ‘reefer madness’, in some sort of lame attempt to help the knotted panty types defeat the initiative.  on a drift some of you may know maryjane was legal at one point in our amerikan history.  and for what it’s worth, so was cocaine.

 

back in one of my many semi sorta lifetimes i smoked my share of the devil weed.  plenty of it.  i don’t smoke it anymore.  and even if the deal passes i may not even smoke it again.  i don’t know.  however, that’s not the point of this epistle, which i may or may not get to at some point.   

 

yeah, i smoked my share of pot.  from trash mexican mota to the finest asian hemp imaginable.  and all points in between.   one of those wasted lifetimes playing golf bare footed in the sun.  a country club tan on a muni course budget.  two hole in ones to my credit.  both witnessed by my long time friend and smoking partner, dfr.  smoking hooters and playing golf.  what could be better?  but i digress.

 

i guess the point of this blog is tell the tale of the finest smoke ever known to man.  or at least ever known to me.  and that in the long run is all that matters.  in another of those lifetimes as a lowly draftee over in the land of the ghosts.  or vietnam.  the ghost deal is another matter all on it’s own and a blog for perhaps another time.  at any rate, vietnam was the home for some very very good smoke, from regular vietnamese local stuff available by the sandbag, kilo or so, for $20 US to fine thai yellow leaf dealt out in repackaged park lane cigarette packs in saigon for around $5 US per pack of 20.  both of which were stellar smoke.  trust me.

 

however, there was one variety of pot that became readily available after nixon’s foray into the parrot’s beak of cambodia along the nam border more or less due west of saigon. cambodian red.  for my money the finest stuff ever grown on the planet.  army outfits that made the parrot’s beak raids brought the stuff back by the truck load or so it seemed. not $20 for a sandbag full but $20 for maybe an ounce or more. high priced but well worth the price.

 

cambodian red.  buds so loaded with THC they glistened like an obsidian arrow head in the sun.  deep black with a tinge of red.  cambodian red.  fire a doobie of the stuff up and drift away.   drift away on land that became a rolling sea.  lay down and try not to fall out of bed.  cambodian red.

 

after all these years just the thought of firing up a joint made of cambodian red seems to stir up the long forgotten THC stored up in the deepest fat tissues and the heady times  of long ago.  memories flash back and forth.  somehow or another i deleted the long rambling edition of this i’d typed up earlier this morning.  what is is here is what is here.  see what i’m saying?  though the first edition probably brought a bit more of the stoner perspective to the pot issue.  however, this version will do.  this version brings a bit more of the historical perspective to the deal.  yeah, well, be that as it may, the sticky deep black red tinged buds of cambodian red remain ingrained.  cambodian red.

 

jmh  

box cars and snake eyes

pretty much every morning the first thing he did upon dragging his ass out of bed was to grab a beer out of the fridge.  he’d drink several swallows at the kitchen sink and stand there for a bit just to see if it was going to come back up along with last nights tacos and whatever he’d washed them down with.  most mornings things stayed where they belonged and he’d make his way back down the hall to take a leak.

 

it was sunday morning and his usual day at the pool hall/country store just a few houses to the north of his.  he’d spent nearly every sunday there for the past 7 or 8 years.  7 or 8 years since his emma had passed.  he still ached for her but knew in his heart it wasn’t helping much.  though the day shooting pool and drinking brews and shooters of patron seemed to help a bit.

 

sunday’s also meant making some cash off the other locals while he drank, told stories, and beat them all rather handily.  for some reason or another they never seemed to mind losing to him at pool.  sure he was pretty good but maybe his stories were better and the money was just their way of unconsciously paying him for the day’s entertainment.  whatever, he didn’t care. 

 

more beer and a few old hard boiled eggs with some grits was his breakfast.  he always had grits, usually made up with pepper, butter, and grated parmesan cheese.  an old italian guy he’s met on a freight long ago had told him how to do it.   he’d tried it and came to like it. 

 

after he washed up a bit he lit a joint and smoked it while reading the morning paper.  nothing in the paper worth reading but you never knew when you’d find something of interest is what he always said.  sports scores and their related bullshit were generally the most interesting things he came across.

 

though this morning, a story about something going on in the next country caught his eye.  something about cops and national guard or something being called out to put and end some damn thing or another.  already too drunk and stoned to focus on anything resembling hard news he tossed the paper aside and put on his sandals.  time to hit the pool hall.

 

the slim patron bottle fit nicely in his back pocket.  unobtrusive as well.  he’d buy beer with his winnings.  he left and didn’t bother to lock the door.  he never did.  deep down in some sad place he always hoped his emma would return to him.  why make it hard for her?

 

the day was clear and almost warm.  the sugar magnolias were beginning to show signs of flowers.  life was almost alright.  making a c note or so playing pool would make it righter. 

he stepped into the country store/pool hall to find the usual sunday crowd.  yeah, at least a c note this day for sure.

 

the patron was gone.  a six pack or so of beer chasers as well.  the $125 folded up and stuck in a front pocket.  he was feeling good and feeling no pain,  hell, maybe he’d even eat dinner before passing out on the couch.  saying his good-byes he stepped outside.  something crackled in the not so distance and for some reason it sounded familiar.  familiar in that long ago familiar.  a bit staccato.  what was it? 

 

he let the feeling go and hit the gravel lot and turned south to his home.  he heard boots on gravel behind him.  did he forget something and a friend was bringing it to him?  he heard the metal on metal sound of a rifle bolt.  no mistaking that sound.  drunk.  stoned.  or sober.  he turned to the sound.  the butt of the AK-47 hit him squarely between the eyes knocking him into the ditch beside the road.  he heard the first of the three shots.  it was the last thing he ever heard.  although after it happened he thought he heard his emma calling to him.

 

jmh   

 

  

box cars and snake eyes lll

she was an angel.  a pure vision of light and love rolled into that perfect package.  sighing he almost relaxed.  even with the pain and the morphine he was sorta glad she wasn’t emma.  emma wasn’t really his anymore.  he knew that now.  finally.  like a man struggling to swim in a heavy sea and knowing all hope is lost he kept trying to keep his head above water.  the angel was still intent on the IV taped to his wrist.  satisfied she turned her attentions to the man.  as she wiped his forehead with a damp cloth he tried to speak.  shhh or something was what he heard.  the pain made it hard to tell.  yeah, sister morphine as well.  he sure as hell knew that.

 

as the angel continued swabbing his face the pain grew and at one point he didn’t even feel it anymore.  shaken by the flat line on the monitor and the now limp body on the bed the angel yelled code blue and hit the alarm.  soon the room was filled with nurses and doctors.  a fresh stream of morphine and the pounding on his chest brought the man back as he floated above the bed.  needles jammed into his heart as he looked down.  the new rush of morphine sent him crashing back onto the bed.  the pain eased and he slipped away on the wings of morpheus.

 

something woke him.  voices.  loud over a rushing noise.  a tarmac.  he turned and saw the plane.  a C-130 with the back ramp down.  burly men were busy loading things into the belly of the plane.  the men noticed him and smiled.  they gestured for him to walk up the ramp and onto the plane.  wondering just what was going on he walked up the ramp.  inside the plane were amps. guitar amps.  marshall’s and fender’s.  standing there amid the semi chaos he realized he was in the way.  though the men didn’t seem to mind.  he moved to the side of the plane and climbed up on top of one of the larger marshall amps and continued watching.  soon the ramp was closed and the plane took off for parts unknown.  though he seemed to think he heard something about germany.  the man slept as the wheels left the ground.  

 

music woke him.  something he knew.  the rolling stones, ‘start me up’, was ending and ‘love in vain’ was beginning.  keith richards grinned and handed him a joint and gestured toward the bottle of jack daniels on the floor.  the man was confused but hit on the joint and jumped off the amp and drank deep from the bottle of bourbon.  he felt a bit better.  as he turned to speak to keith he saw the angel.

all he heard was, ‘welcome back.’  then he slept.

part ll of this is out there in the ether you need to look for it if you want to read it.  as well as the inspiration for the first part.

jmh

        

box cars and snake eyes V

bloody hell, he thought.  the VA hospital and their ICU no less.  what was going on?  he was about to ask the nurse goddess but she was gone.  the nose picker had nodded off, not that he would be much help any  way. think you dumb ass old dago.  think. he knew he’d been cold cocked with an AK and had heard one bullet before he had either died or passed out.  there had been at least several more bullets involved as well.  no doubt, considering all the wrappings he could touch and all that searing pain.  but why the VA?  he had health insurance and his own doctor.  it just didn’t make sense.  blindsided and shot for sure. then there was the fact he had shared a joint with keith richards and drank from the same bottle of bourbon as he had.  things were getting weird. drifting off to sleep he thought he smelled someone smoking a joint.  nose picker?  nah. he slept a dreamless sleep for an hour or so and woke up to find the vision of loveliness at his bedside once again.  he tried to speak but his lips and mouth were bone dry.  all he could manage was a croak. the nurse gave him some water through a straw.  it felt good.  soothing not only his mouth but his trunk as well as it filtered down to his stomach.  he knew then he hadn’t been gut shot.  a damn good lucky thing.  croaking again he tried to speak. ‘i know what you’re thinking.  the whys, hows, and all the other things. everything isn’t making much sense.  right?’ he nodded his head and let her continue. ‘you’ll find out soon enough.  just remember that you’re in good hands and you’ll be out of here soon and feeling much better.’ smiling he thought.  ok.  as long as you’re along for the ride, beautiful.  i guess i’ll just let you take care of everything. the nurse touched his hand and he dozed off once again. the smell of good marijuana filled his dreamless sleep.  he knew he was sleeping but he also knew he wasn’t dreaming.  there was some damn good pot being smoked by someone very close and it wasn’t him.  he willed himself awake and looked about the room.  no nurse.  nose picker asleep. and nothing else.  though the smell of the pot still hung in the air. he found his voice. ‘hey, nose picker, wake the fuck up.  start talking to me.  come on, man. wake up!!’ ‘what?  oh, shit.  can’t you let a guy get some sleep?  what the hell you yelling about?’ ‘you don’t smell it?’ ‘what i shit my bed?  you shit the bed?  what?’ ‘maryjane, pot, cannabis, whatthefuckever.  can’t you smell it?’ ‘dude.  look, i know you’re in bad shape but i don’t smell anything remotely like pot in the air.  hell, i don’t smell anything but the stinky clean hospital smell.  and further more…’ he cut the man off with a look and turned his head away.  she was back. the living goddess as nurse.  her hand went to the IV but he stopped her with a question. ‘do you smell it?’ the man in the next bed spoke.  ’ i told you i didn’t.  why do you keep asking?’ ‘man, i ain’t talking to you.  i’m asking the nurse.’ ‘what nurse?  there’s no one in here but you and me, soldier.’ the nurse smiled at him and said.  ’he can’t see me.  only you can.  he can’t hear me either.  only you can.  i’m not a vision or a dream.  i’m an angel and you were saved for a reason and a purpose.  sleep now and soon you will know why.’ he was stunned unable to speak.  not only did she look like an angel.  she was an angel.  things had indeed gotten weird.  he was about to speak when her hand moved to the IV and turned it up a notch.  he drifted away to germany and backstage at the stones concert. look to the ether for the even parts of the story. i apologize for the format.  wordpress doesn’t seem to want me to have proper paragraphs. jmh

box cars and snake eyes VII

mexico?  he was awake and sweating in the cold hospital room.  he was just about to land a C-130 loaded up with tons of cambodian red with his buddy, keith richards.  he was also on the verge of screaming insanity.  on a good note, he was also aware that for some reason most of the pain was gone and most of the bandages were much smaller.  holy crap!!

nose picker was looking at him with wide eyes.  “where in god’s name have you been?’

“i’m not sure and you wouldn’t believe me if i told you.’ 

with that he fumbled around for the nurse call button.  before he could find it the nurse goddess appeared at the door.  she smiled as she entered.  a radiant vision of loveliness.  damn, she could calm a volcano, the man thought.  but then course she could.  she was an angel.

‘you’ll be out of here soon.’

‘very nice.  i was in mexico just a few minutes ago.  maybe i’ll go back.’

‘that’s just the drugs.  sometimes they do strange things.  plus, the added extras to help your body heal.  the VA has been working on a few of them for years now.  you were in such bad shape when you got here they figured you were good for a trial run of their new battlefield drugs.  they seem to be working just fine.’   

‘ah, yeah.  now i’m a lab rat.  great.  so where do you fit in this puzzle?  you’re the only nurse or angel or what the fuck ever i’ve seen around here.  i didn’t know angels worked for the VA.  all of this is crazy.  i’m going crazy.  as for mexico i was there.  i know i was landing on plane.  then i wake up here.  again.  shit this is weird.’

‘man, you are crazy.  bat shit crazy.  angels?  mexico?  i’m not staying in this room any longer.  i need to get out of here.’

with that nose picker pushed his call button and a nurse arrived soon after.  he told her what was going on while she just looked at the man.  she mumbled something and a few minutes later orderlies appeared to take nose picker to another room.

‘see you bat shit.  get some help.’

now the angel and the man were alone.  neither had said a word while the transfer had taken place.  from a bag the nurse angel removed a wand like looking device.

‘this is also something the VA has been working on.  a tool that speeds healing.  it looks like a magic wand and perhaps it is because it works wonders on healing bodies.  even angels need help sometimes.’

she moved the device over the man’s body.  he felt nothing other than a slight tingle and an odd sense that his strength was returning.  crazy ass science fiction for sure. 

‘are you going to answer my question or just play star wars?’

‘play star wars for a bit and answer.  you’re here because you were in such bad shape.  your military record made you a perfect candidate for these trial drugs and procedures.  i’m here to help.  i just follow orders.  plus once you’re healed we need you to do something for us.’

‘we?  doing something?’

‘yes, a sort of cosmic karma repayment for services rendered.  we have a job for you.  it involves helping us and the government.’

‘wonderful.  look, i had lots of jobs in the military.  most i didn’t care for.  but it was a long time ago.  i’d rather not.  why would i want to help the government?  i don’t even vote most of the time.  and god hasn’t done much for me for that matter.’

‘he sent me here.  and he thinks it would be a good thing to repay his kindness with helping the government out on this matter.’

‘what matter?  why doesn’t he just do it himself?’

‘he doesn’t work that way anymore.  not in years.  or centuries.  you just rest now.  i’ll be back later and we’ll talk some more.’

her hand reached for the IV and kicked it up a notch.

in another room the nose picker and two other men watched them on a video camera.  nose picker spoke.  ‘she’s good.  damn good.  he’ll do it.  if only for her’.

look to the ether for the even parts.

jmh

box cars and snake eyes IX

it was a scene right out of the movie, ‘dr strangelove’. instead of slim pickens riding the a-bomb down onto some ruskie missile silos or moscow or some damn place or another, it was keith richards wearing a ten gallon hat and landing the C-130 with a hooter in his mouth. the largest blunt he’d seen this side of bob marley. he was sitting in the co-pilot’s seat. his knuckles white from hanging onto the arm rests. the C-130 seemed to clip every palm tree in it’s path as it lined up on the dirt run-way in the jungle.

keith just puffed and grinned as almost inaudible guttural sounds came from deep within his slim chest. he was back in mexico. keith richards was flying the plane, while he was smoking a joint. a huge joint. nothing odd there but KEITH RICHARDS was flying the plane or more to the point trying to land it! holy, shit! were the only words that came to mind.

the palm trees thinned out some and keith was able to bring the plane in lower as the run-way loomed. he powered back and dropped the flaps. the heavy C-130 groaned and yawed a bit to the left. keith corrected for it and dropped even lower as a huge smile grew on his face.

‘eye reelly luv this pawt, mate’. the big plane dropped like a stone the last 10 or 20 feet. it hit the dirt run-way and bounced back up 6 or 7 feet. keith shoved the controls to the dash and throttled back even further. the plane hit the run-way very hard but stayed on the ground this time. laughing like a madman, keith slammed on the brakes. the C-130 fishtailed to the right and almost made a 180 degree turning slide on the small landing strip. as the nightmare unfolded, the man screamed but no sound came out of his mouth.

the plane kept on skidding in the dirt, a huge rooster tail of red clay trailed behind them. finally, the right landing gear broke in half and the plane came to a rocking stop.

‘yeeee fookin’ haw!!!’, screamed the rolling stone, as his eyes rolled up into his head and he passed out.

‘hey! what the fuck? come on man, wake up!’ the man shook his pilot but keith was out cold.

shaken, the man undid his seat belt and made his way to the back of the plane. as he was about to enter the C-130′s belly he realized there was a pistol and ammo belt on the back of keith’s pilot seat. he turned to grab it. the holster and belt were in the old cowboy style. the gun was a .357 mag and loaded with full metal jacket rounds. the cartridges on the belt were of the same type with a few wad cutters thrown in for good measure. the belt was a bit small for him but he got it around his waist and secured.

well, crap. here i am, armed and dangerous, on a plane with a broken landing gear loaded with cambodian red. along with keith richards passed out in the pilot’s seat, in the middle of a mexican jungle. the phrase, bringing coals to newcastle came to mind for some reason. he shook off the feeling of impending doom as he made his way through the plane. crate after crate of cambode red were still securely attached to the C-130′s walls. and he was the only other person on the plane. keith richards of the rolling stones, tons of the finest smoke on the planet, and him. all seemingly alone in the mexican jungle.

another fine mess crossed his mind as he tried to make sense of it all. what was going on here? he found the lever to lower the back ramp, pushed it and the ramp slowly descended. not taking any chances he pulled the .357 from the holster and crouched beside one of the crates. the ramp made a soft thud as it hit the red dirt and it sent a small cloud of fine red dust up into the hot air.

he didn’t move. the only sound he heard were his ears finally popping and the local bird population. he waited until his knees started to ache then he stood up to shake out the pain. there hadn’t been any movement or sound other than the birds. they were alone in the jungle. and he was too old to be doing this. again.

he woke up in the bright sun sitting in a chair. he wasn’t sure where he was but he wasn’t in a jungle or in mexico. he was, however, in the courtyard of a spanish style house. then he saw it. he knew he wasn’t in mexico because he could read the large sign with it’s large white letters that read, hollywood. no mistake about it. the sign was off in the distance shimmering in the sun. he knew he was in los angeles. he heard her before he saw her. a click clack of high heels on the mexican pavers. the angel was walking toward him carrying a tray of food and drink.

look to the ether for the even parts of the story.

jmh

box cars and snake eyes XI

sticky fingers? why not ‘exile on main street’ or maybe ‘let it bleed’. because he was sure as hell in need of someone to lean on.

‘so did you guys provide the morphine and underage girl for gram out in joshua tree in 73 or what?’

‘no. that’s absurd and you know it.’

‘apparently i don’t know much of anything. does anyone around here know how to make a decent cafe sui da out of this louisiana java? i’d be most grateful, darlin’. and while i’m on my requesting trip, i have to request that nose picker disappears. post haste. he has the smell of general officer’s kid and brat all over him. and some last ditch attempt at redemption for some dumb ass fuck up he’s involved with.’

‘i’ll ask about both of your requests.’

‘good because i’m not happy, even with my wounds or whatever they were all nice and healed up. my mind is in a mess and i suppose i have you to blame. so find me that viet coffee and leave me alone for a spell.’

with that that nurse alice turned on her lovely heels and headed back into the house. he sat and silently watched her. killer heels that made her legs, no, no time for that action. think, man, think.

one thought did occur to him. why did he want vietnamese coffee? and not a bottle of patron? or maybe some absolut or a bottle of wine or three?

another thought was, the house where he was being housed or abused or what the hell ever reminded him of something. he stood up, stretched and wandered over to a gate. opening the gate he walked along the side of the house and into the front yard. no alarms sounded. but he knew he was being watched. probably by nose picker.

the front yard was long and narrow with a large grassy area and plenty of trees. it was nice to be outside and not in some drug induced stupor or hallucination or whatever. to damn many, whatevers. that was for sure.

he turned around to look at the house and a wave of something hit him. the house. he’d seen it before. not only seen it he’d walked around it before. if memory served there was a nice size pool and bbq area on the south side of the house. also more lawn and trees. the pool and bbq area were surrounded by a short chest high block wall. he wandered over to the south side and sure enough there it was amid the grass and trees. the pool and bbq. what the fuck?

he sucked in some of the lightly smoggy LA air and slowly let it out with a sigh. god damn. he was right. he had been there before. it also hit him that the house and yard were almost an exact duplicate of some french painter’s painting. a painting he had admired since childhood. cezanne? yeah, that was it. some frenchy’s house and a title he couldn’t remember.

to keep from falling he leaned against a tree. it was like a quadruple deja vu or something. was that even possible? yeah, the painting and the house. one in the same or an almost too eerie sorta duplicate. an old french painting come to life. one the original and this one. both on two different continents. and out of two different centuries. one in his mind, one on a museum wall some place, one in france, if it still existed, and one right there in front of him. what the hell was going on?

pushing off the tree he made his way back into the courtyard and found a vietnamese french style coffee waiting for him. a tall crystal glass filled with ice and a silver spoon. along with those killer legs and follow me home heels.

‘well, i don’t think this is a VA hospital. at least it isn’t a US of A VA hospital. the VA i know doesn’t spring for crystal glassware and silver ice tea spoons.’

the nurse angel didn’t answer. she was listening. he heard it too. someone, somewhere was listening to an old gene autry tune, ‘san antonio rose’.

jmh

box cars and snake eyes XIII

he had visions of maxwell smart standing there saying his classic, ‘would you believe…’ line. it was all very hard to believe. dead several times in the past two weeks? holy crap. this was some outfit and or hospital. or some strange ass dream within a dream movie madness.

when his reverie ended. keith had wandered off and he was left alone with the nurse angel alice. if that was really her name. at this point it didn’t matter.

‘i’m sure you remember back in the 70′s all of the stories about keith and blood transfusions along with experimental sheep blood transfusions and all the related other stories about him and the swiss health industry.’

‘yeah, i guess i do. everyone thought it was all bull and no one paid much attention to any of the stories.’

‘well. luv, they were all true. we got our start in switzerland because of their history of letting most things and folks do their own thing and the government not getting in the way. keith was a perfect specimen to work on. his use of drugs and alcohol were prodigious at best. and he was very very wealthy. plus he has the constitution of a mule. along with the love of a good adventure. all those things rolled up into an amazing package making for an amazing musician who loves his side job as a government agent and world class drug dealer. who will do what we tell him because he thinks it’s all a lark and he’s bored to tears most of the time.’

‘good lord.’

‘trust me, the lord has nothing to do with it. we do.’

gene autry was still playing softly in the background. the man’s mind was racing. if all of this were true, it was right out of some science fiction movie or novel. arthur c. clarke meets meets a rock ‘n’ roll james bond come some sort of native american shaman. it was just mind boggling. and he really had no way of knowing if any of it was really true or not. not at this point anyway.

‘ok. fuck. ah…so this is all a living breathing government, for the lack of a better word…game?’

‘i assure you it’s no game. we are for real and we do what no one else seems to want to do.’

‘run tons of drugs into mexico? yeah, that does make sense in some sort of weird way. who wants to do that?’

‘that’s only a part of it. and let’s just say we like to cause instabilities where ever we can. it suits our purpose.’

‘what if it doesn’t suit mine?’

‘then, sadly, you’ll never wake up again. at least not in this world. all of this will be gone and you’ll be alone, totally. alone with let’s say, a nice child rape rap hanging over your head before you end up dead by the hands of your fellow inmates up at pelican bay. a very sick and cruel way to go. we can make it happen. we can make anything we want happen to you. it’s your choice. yes, it’s blackmail of a sort but we got over that issue long ago. so should you, soldier. after all, you did babysit lt. calley for a time and we know you and he got along very well. this is just a different time and place. your choice.’

he just sat there and stared at the ground. his head in his hands. the sun warm on his back. wine fountains softly murmuring. a gentle breeze carried the sweet smell of roses and gene autry singing, once again, of his san antonio rose. he raised his head and saw keith across the courtyard smoking a joint with a stunning asian lady. a slight grin flashed on his face then he broke into cackling laughter. the man knew he was already alone.

look to the ether for the even chapters of this story. they ain’t that hard to find.

jmh

box cars and snake eyes, the final installment(?)

the smell of milkweed, a trickle of water, and a meadowlark singing, slowly began to take a hold of his senses. the sky directly above was a deeply colored blue. puffy white clouds, in no particular hurry, danced smoothly overhead. from it’s vantage point, not far away, the meadowlark sang it’s late afternoon melody. he was on his back, wet, a bit sore and uncomfortable. out of nowhere, nose hairs, chin whiskers, and the smell of stale beer blotted out the afternoon sky.

‘jesus, man. you scared the crap out of us.’

‘what? where am i?’

‘in the ditch by the store. you were on your way home when mike and eb here saw you take a header into it. boy howdy, you’re a lucky man. you could of broke your damn neck or drowned.’

the man was aware of several other men sloshing about in the water as well.

‘am i ok?’

‘yeah, though you were out for maybe two minutes. mike checked you out and deemed you fit for the rest of the evening any ways. that’s why we didn’t bother to call the fire dawgs to come get your ass outta here. after mike gave you the once over he split. i guess he figured his daughter’s tennis match was more important than your sorry ass.’

the man groaned and said. ‘and that surprises you?’

‘easy son. he said for you to be careful tonight. you know, wake up every couple of hours or so. then he said you were fit for duty.’

‘great. yeah, i know. i’ll be careful. come on now, help me get my ass outta this ditch.’

with that three of his friends helped him up and out of the water and weeds. he stood there brushing himself off as the meadowlark sang on.

‘you want us to walk you home?’

‘no thanks. i’m old but not that old. i’m ok. i guess i ought to thank you guys for the help. thank mike too if you see him before i do.’

the men watched him walk towards his house and when he turned into the driveway he raised his hand in a wave and the men waved back then turned and went their separate ways.

turning down the dirt drive he smelled it. a wonderful aroma from his youth. chicken frying with garlic, fresh rosemary, and thyme. italian style. the meadowlark kicked it up a notch, probably happy it wasn’t him in the frying pan. as he got to the backdoor and it’s small window, he saw her standing at the stove with her back to him. she heard him opening the door and she said.

‘you’re late today. but then so am i.’ she turned and saw him. ‘holy crap, what happened to you?’

‘guess i tripped and fell in the ditch on my way home.’

‘are you ok?’

‘yeah, mike checked me out and deemed me fit for duty. faster than calling the fire department, i suppose. he said you’ll have to wake me up every couple of hours or so tonight. you know. make sure there’s no concussion.’

‘mike checked you out? great. he hasn’t been a medic for over forty years.’

‘yeah, well, he was a damn good one back in the nam and he still knows his shit.’

smiling she said. ‘sure. ok. hmm, i can think of a way or two to wake you up tonight. now go get out of those wet clothes and take a shower. dinner is about ready.’

he moved toward her and kissed her lightly on the lips. she smelled of soap, garlic, rosemary, and thyme.

‘did you win any money today?’

‘don’t i always? a cool $125.’ he took the folded cash from his front pocket and handed it to her. she kissed him back. he smelled of milkweed, stale ditch water, and patron.

as he walked to the bathroom and his hot shower, the meadowlark was joined by another. they sang a late sunday afternoon lilting duet. riffing off each other as only songbirds can.

he stopped at the bathroom door and called back to her. ‘hey, babe, are my favorite pants clean?. and emma, honey, when you get a chance, put some gene autry on the cd player, please, i need to hear, ‘san antonio rose’, about a dozen times for some damn reason. crank it up too.’

god, how he loved that woman.

jmh

the man with the metal face episode 2

it was warm in the store and the jc penny suit was beginning to itch. he thought about taking off the jacket but decided against it due to his mission. attorneys and missions. this was one of those mission deals.

lois cut short her reverie about the name and told the man where he could find the man with the metal face or now more to the point, burnsworth orlando osceola. the jc penny suit man thanked lois and walked out of the store and into the warm humid early summer air. now that he knew where to go his mission was back on track and the cheap suit wasn’t as itchy.

albert bustemonte or alberto as family still called him, was a long way from south florida but he had the gift of a sense of direction, no matter where he was. once he was back in the compact rental car, with the a/c on high, it didn’t take him long to find the road he was looking for. alberto settled back and gently tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of an emmylou harris oldie playing on the cd player.

albert bustemonte loved his job, especially at times like this when he got the chance to be the bearer of good news. actually, really good news. he figured burnsworth orlando osceola didn’t have a clue as to the good fortune that was about to befall him. mr. bustemonte found it hard to believe himself but that wasn’t really any concern of his. he was just the messenger and a very frugal one at that.

the blue metal building sparkled like a large sapphire stone in the warm mid afternoon sun. he turned into the long tree lined gravel drive that led to the house and metal building. he stopped the car on the semi circular driveway in front of the home. he collected his briefcase from the passenger seat, got out of the car, and stretched into the warm shade of the trees and home.

a man in a metal hat and welder’s face shield appeared on the porch. albert was almost surprised but a mission was a mission and he was more than used to the oddities of human kind.

‘mr. osceola?’

‘yes, and you sir?’

‘mr. osceola, my name is albert bustemonte. i’m an attorney from orlando, florida. may i have a few words with you, sir? i’m sure you’ll find the time spent very worthwhile.’

‘i suppose so. please, come inside and out of the heat.’

‘thank you.’

the man with the metal face opened the front door as alberto climbed the stairs. once on the porch, alberto extended his hand with a business card in it. the metal faced man took it and read it as they stepped into the foyer. the door closed and the cool inside air felt good.

‘please, follow me into the living room. can i get you something cold to drink?’

‘no, thank you. not right now. perhaps later. after we talk.’

the man with the metal face stopped in front of a comfortable looking sofa and beckoned with his hand for mr. bustemonte to sit. then he spoke.

‘i apologize for my appearance, sir. i…i was injured a number of years ago and i find this get up, as it were, to be most comforting. i hope you aren’t offended by it.’

‘oh, no. not in the least. after all this is your home and i’m the intruder. what ever makes you comfortable.’

‘fine. so what brings you here, mr. bustemonte?’

‘please, call me albert. mr. osceola, i’m here to bring you some very very good news. i know it’s been a number of years since you lived in south florida with your last foster family. you were a mere child. i’m an attorney from the area and like i said i have some good news for you.’

‘really? alright. continue. does it have anything to do with them? my foster parents?’

‘no, it doesn’t. it concerns your biological father. the father you never met and also in a way the mother you never met as well.’

‘ok. interesting. you have my attention, albert.’

‘i know some of this is old history for you but if you would allow me to go over some of it i think it will help to perhaps explain things.’

the man with the metal face nodded for albert to continue.

‘your middle name and your last name were given to you by your first foster family and your last foster family. orlando and osceola in that order. due to the fact you were born and raised for a time in south florida and both sets of parents had a sense of humor as did the superior court judges who signed off on the names. although stranger things do happen.’

‘indeed. i’ve always enjoyed both names and never had a problem with them or either set of foster parents for hanging the names on me. it’s my first name that i know nothing about.’

‘yes. burnsworth. that’s why i’m here mr. osceola. here to shed some light on the name and, well, i’m getting ahead of myself.’

as the next part of the story unfolded, albert stood up and began pacing the floor not unlike an attorney in a courtroom. the man with the metal face sat, watched, and listened with rapt attention.

‘mr. osceola we’ve discovered your mother was the daughter of a miami police department detective, leonard coombs. his daughter, melanie, is your mother. sadly, melanie passed away several months after your birth, due to a drug overdose.’

the man with the metal face said nothing and with the welder’s face shield it was impossible to determine just what his emotions were doing to him. albert forged on after clearing his throat.

‘we also learned who your father is. ty burnsworth. perhaps you’ve heard of him but probably not as the family has always been under the radar. he is the son of, william jennings burnsworth, the orange tree and juice magnate of south florida. ty took over the family orchards after his father passed away a number of years ago. to make a long story short, when your father learned he had terminal pancreatic cancer he hired us to find you. find you so he could somehow maybe do right by you after all these years.’

from behind the face shield the man with the metal face whispered. ‘yes?’

‘mr. osceola, unfortunately your father has since passed away. we were unable to locate you in time. however, your father has left you a very generous gift. an inheritance of $10,000,000. and if i may say, the best part being there are no strings attached. none.’

the room became silent and neither man spoke for several minutes.

you can find the odd number episodes and the beginning episode to this story here.

jmh

the man with the metal face episode 4

to say alberto was amazed would be an understatement. in his life he had seen any number of greenhouse type buildings. some small and some very large. growing anything from veggies to row after row of orchids. however, this building was almost in ‘a wonder of the world’ category. something out of a dream or a child’s wild imagination. unable to speak for what seemed to be a few minutes, his mind raced and reeled at the number of adjectives it come up with to describe the greenhouse.

‘holy shit. this is stunning. i’m…i’m…i’m…pretty much speechless.’

‘i’m glad you like it. you’re the first person i’ve let come inside here. what you see is a childhood dream come true. something i spent many a night dreaming about when i was living in those foster homes. over the years i did many drawings. hundreds. i saved them all and when i was able to bring the drawings to life…well, this is what i got. a living dream.’

the man with the metal face was smiling as he looked over his dream. a smile only a metal face could smile. albert, on the other hand, was still thunder stuck with what he was looking at.

‘i take care of all of this by myself. oh, i have a few people helping me but they’re on the outside. you know with buying materials and helping move the product and related other things. it looks like a very big operation but i just ship product to another place for processing. i only supply them with a certain amount of raw material. very special raw material.’

having found his voice again albert almost croaked but managed a few words.

‘i have never ever seen anything like this. when you asked if…’

the man with the metal face let loose a loud and long laugh. something he had not done in a very long time. strangely enough it actually felt good. maybe he would try it again. and more often.

‘yes. yes. yes. i was playing with you, albert. having some fun. you see, most people think exactly that when they hear of it or see the outside. the local sheriff thought the same as well. if it weren’t for my help telling him what was going on here i’m sure he would have tried to serve me with a search warrant long ago.’

‘how did you…i mean, where did this dream of yours get it’s start? it certainly is, i would think, a rather odd thing for a child to want to do.’

‘not really if you think about it. things were different back then. slower and maybe even happier. remember back to your childhood and recall what you loved. particularly loved about summertime. not just the fact you were out of school or long evenings outside or maybe enjoying home made ice cream. but something else. the long time ago dream of just about every young boy.’

‘i see where you’re going. yes, of course. every boy’s dream was to play baseball. willie mays, hank aaron, mickey mantle, duke snider, and stan musial were the kings of our youth.’

‘exactly. i didn’t really want to grow tobacco or make bubble gum. but something else has always been a part of the game. sunflower seeds. i wanted to grow the finest sunflowers in the land. huge sunflowers filled with the tastiest seeds ever. you see, albert, when i was a kid i grew sunflowers outside in the backyard every summer like a lot of people did. well, one summer after i somehow managed a sort of hybrid sunflower with a head larger than i’d ever seen. um, it was huge. i was very excited about it and anxious to see what the seeds would be like.’

‘i can imagine.’

‘yes, but one day while i was inside the house, i saw this hand come over the wall and snip the head off with a large pair of scissors. i was crestfallen. i ran outside screaming and yelling at the hands and sunflower thief but i was too small to see over the wall or climb over it as well. my amazing sunflower was gone. and from that moment on i had this dream. maybe not exactly like this here but, like i said, over the years it evolved into this. no one would ever steal any of my sunflowers again.’

‘god, it’s just amazing. they’re beautiful. and so large. i’ve never seen anything like them. i bet the sunflower seed people pay a handsome price for these beauties.’

‘yes, the do, albert. i’ve managed very well over the years. nothing earth shattering mind you. but ok. come with me, there’s something else i want to show you.’

burnsworth walked down the dirt path and around one of the tractors and trailers. row after row from floor to ceiling filled with magnificent sunflowers. everywhere. an explosion of green, yellow, and black growing in the sun. a sight to behold if there ever was one.

after walking silently for a minute or two, the man with the metal face brought them to a corner in the greenhouse. he stopped and stepped aside so albert could get a good look. what albert saw made his jaw drop. something else for his eyes not to believe and his brain to have trouble processing. it was another wall of green from floor to ceiling. a wall of green interspersed with small patches of deep dark purple.

‘in a month or two they’ll be ready to pick. my other passion. growing a few grapes and making wine.’

‘simply amazing burnsworth. simply amazing. where do you make the wine. in here with all the sunflowers and grapes?’

‘no. i have a small building out behind this one for my wine making. and over the years i’ve almost filled the cellar under the house with my labors. some rather good wine, i think. you see, albert, years ago i was in southern california for a time and i met an old italian gentleman who worked the grape vineyards and made his own wine. when i left he gave me a couple of mission grape cuttings and several marvelous zinfandel grape cuttings. i brought them home and carefully nurtured them into what you see here. you know albert, no one other than myself has ever tasted the wine i make with these grapes. would you like to share a glass or two with me?’

‘ah…yeah. of course. i’d be honored.’

with that the man with the metal face led albert out of the sapphire blue greenhouse and back inside his home. they moved through the large house and into a nice large but dated kitchen. a kitchen right out of a magazine from the late forties. burnsworth gestured for albert to sit at the kitchen table and he then went to a cupboard and brought out a bottle of wine. using a corkscrew from his pocket he opened the wine and poured some of the deep purple liquid into two small wine glasses. old italian wine glasses. they clinked glass on glass and said the required, salute. then tasted the wine. a smile spread across albert’s face. they sat for a bit savoring the wine. then the two men, and now seemingly new friends, began to talk about other things as the byrds, ‘sweetheart of the rodeo’, played softly in the background.

jmh

for the odd numbered episodes of, ‘the man with the metal face’, please visit.

the man with the metal face episode 6

the two men were pretty much wasted by the time the second bottle was empty. alberto had gone from the ground to the lawn chair and back several times. a few of the times on his own volition. day had gone to night and the kentucky sky was ablaze with thousands of stars. from his position on the ground and on his back, ablberto had tried counting them but lost track and then began to mumble odd lines from shakespeare.

the mumbling woke up boo who was sitting on the cooler with his head resting on the back wall of the pump house. he wasn’t quite sure where he was for a moment or two then he remembered the very odd day it had been and his new found friend, alberto. who he discovered soon enough, was the mumbling culprit. boo let alberto mumble along for a bit after realizing the man had a pretty good knowledge of old bill or whoever the hell the writer was. finally boo got up off of the cooler and nudged alberto with his foot.

‘ok, amigo. it’s time for some dinner and another jug of dago red. get up and let’s get to cooking.’

alberto stopped his mumbling in mid quote and got up. a bit unsteady but upright. the longer he was up the better off he was. by then, boo had found another jug and had it opened and was handing alberto another glass of the old california vine nectar.

‘i have a huge bone-in rib eye in the kitchen someplace. hopefully, under refrigeration. i’m going to go find it. you, my friend, will start the bbq. it’s right over there. charcoal and fluid as well. please try not to end up like me ok? i’ll be back anon. and we can moan about poor yorick while the fire settles in.’

trying not to drop the wine glass, alberto managed to find a spot to set it down. then he looked around for the grill. he found it and the rest of the stuff he needed and had a nice chemical fire raging in the grill when boo returned.

‘this will take awhile to get right. i’m gonna need another glass, please.’

pouring his guest another round from the jug boo told him he had found the steak and it was sitting on the sink getting to room temperature while marinating with some olive oil, fresh rosemary, salt and pepper. he also found a few zucchini and yellow squash they could put on the grill as well. alberto nodded and drank some of his wine.

‘you were lucky. you missed nam. i wish i’d been so lucky. though it could have been worse, i suppose. i mean i could have ended up like you. or worse. no offense.’

‘none taken.’

‘you know when i got back i didn’t want anyone to know i’d been there. oh, my friends knew but i was reluctant to tell someone i’d just met that i had been there. we weren’t looked upon very favorably at the time. and i’m still not so sure we are to this day. though it doesn’t matter as much to me as it did back then. fuck it, don’t mean nothing, as the saying went.’

‘i know. i know. the only thing i’m gonna say about korea again is i loved the ladies. i miss them.’

‘me too. ah, vietnamese ladies that is. though i do have a fond place in my heart for a number of korean ladies i’ve met over the years.’

‘i haven’t met any ladies at all for a good number of years.’

the fire was dampening down and the conversation began to as well. the men poured each other another glass of vino and stood there in the light of the fire silently drinking. boo left and went back into the house. an outside light came on and was immediately surrounded by every bug within the confines of the city of nod. or so it seemed.

boo came out of the house carrying a tray with the steak and squash. he put it down by the fire.

‘alberto, i’ll get these going if you’ll go score us another bottle of some better stuff. not that it really matters at this point but i have some righteous vino in the kitchen. it’s in the third cupboard on the right as you look at the sink. it’s been waiting for a dinner such as this and i think now is it’s time. grab the loaf of french bread in the bread box too. we’ll eat out here with the bugs. i’ll drag a table out of the pump house.’

with that the two men set about doing their respective chores in further silence. the only sound was the bugs and the steak and veggies sizzling on the grill. when boo announced that their dinner was ready, alberto pulled the cork on the bottle of wine he had collected from the kitchen. noting the cork, he knew the wine had sat a longtime in the cool darkness of the cupboard.

the steak was tender and probably the best either man had eaten in a long time. the veggies were cooked to perfection as well. the french bread crunchy and tasty. the wine was a true nectar of the gods, even with their advanced stage of inebriation they knew few people ever drank anything better.

soon the long odd day came to a close. too drunk to drive, alberto spent the night in a guest room. barely managing to get undressed before he passed out. almost immediately he began dreaming of vietnamese women from long ago. boo, up in his master bedroom, was in the same semi sad shape as his guest. though he did manage to get into bed and turn out the light before passing out. he dreamed of korean ladies and long languid luxurious massages.

jmh

you can find my partners odd numbered episodes to this story right here.

the man with the metal face episode 8

alberto stood there in a semi sort of suspended state of disbelief. eternal life? burnsworth had somehow or another invented or stumbled upon the deal everyone since ponce de leon and before had been searching after. eternal life? good lord, he thought.

along with those thoughts he was also thinking that yesterday’s oddness was about to get trumped that morning by an even weirder today that had only just got rolling. eternal life and the apparent blossoming trouble between the fed, mr. smith, and the local, sheriff townsend, was about to blow up. big time.

‘gentlemen, please. calm down. there’s no need for the bickering. mr smith, i’m an attorney and a friend of burnsworth. we already have a client attorney relationship due to another matter. AND since we do, i’m advising mr. osceola not to say anything further to you about anything. nothing. got that, boo?’

‘understood, albert.’

‘look here, shyster, you don’t want any trouble from me, that i assure you. i have the full weight of the united states postal service behind me. and i’m here on official government business. so now if you hicks would just step aside i’ll start working on why i’m here. got that, shyster?’

‘ah, mr. smith, if that is your real name. your petty name calling means nothing to me. what does mean something to me is the fact you have no papers, like a search warrant or an arrest warrant in your possession and i’m sure, sheriff townsend here would agree with me that you have no authority to search or remove anything from mr. osceola’s property. you have no legal right to ask us anything or give you anything.’

‘mr. smith, albert here is right. if you would have let me get on with my job i would have said the same thing to you. now you either show burnsworth some paper or you can just get on out of here. i’ve had enough of you for one morning and if you continue i’ll run your sorry ass in. got that, smith?’

‘you fucking cracker hicks. by god i’ll have your license to practice for this shyster. and you, sheriff fife, you’re just a fucking piss ant deputy dawg blowhard…’

‘mr. smith, i’m only going to say this one more time. back off or you go down. go down hard. i mean it. i’m not afraid of you or the feds. i’m an elected official and the folks around these parts happen to like me and the job i’m doing. they also don’t like the federal government much at all. so then, as far as i can see your options in this matter are slim and none. plus, i just don’t understand why a postal inspector is interested in anything burnsworth is doing. a warrant might help clear that up. but you don’t have one. now beat it. get in your car and leave mr. smith, now.’

mr. smith stepped up into sheriff townsand’s space and very quietly said. ‘deputy dawg, i’m going to go over by that oak tree and make a couple of phone calls. i’m not afraid of you either. however, you, on the other hand should be very very afraid of me.’

mr. smith turned on his heels and removed a cell phone from his suit jacket pocket as he walked the short distance to the old oak.

faye jenkins-de bonne had stood by and watched the unfolding drama with more than a modicum of interest. in all her days as a mail carrier she had seen any number of disputes played out while she was on and off the job. she had also been paying attention to the gathering darkness to the west.

off on the horizon dark metal gray black clouds were forming and seemingly rushing towards them. flashes of light bounced here and there behind the approaching clouds. the wind had picked up and dead plant material was beginning to blow about. a small dust devil swirled in from the road picking up leaves and loose kentucky soil as it raced along on it’s meandering path.

the air had cooled considerably. even though the clouds were still a ways off, large rain drops began to pelt the dry sandy soil. small puffs of dirt rose and were then smothered by larger drops of rain. gusts of wind further chilled the late morning air as they blew the dark clouds closer. now everyone was aware of the approaching storm. everyone but mr. smith, who was talking very excitedly into his phone.

the smell of the approaching rain was heady, as it always is. the rain drops grew to the size of silver dollars and became more constant as the wind whipped them about. boo, alberto, the sheriff, and faye began making their way to boo’s front porch and a dry safe harbor. they had just reached the steps when they felt the hair on their arms and the back of their necks stand up. another all to familiar smell hit them as well. then the loud crack as a bolt of lightening hit nearby.

the three turned as one and saw that the old oak had been split by the lightening. it’s trunk smoking in the rain. mr. smith had been thrown ten or twenty feet from the now dead tree and lay face down in the forming mud. yep, today was sure as hell going to top yesterday, thought alberto.

jmh

for the odd numbered episodes please visit http://ozarkmossman.wordpress.com

some more time for something completely different

I guess maybe some of you have missed me around the Internet place. Or maybe not, as dad is fond of saying. I’ve been busy, well, more like very busy. You guys know us cats, if we aren’t sleeping we’re busy. In my case, busy means many many things, mostly barfing. But most of you already know that. Now that the warm weather is here and despite mom and dad brushing me when they think about it. Usually, after I barf up a nice hair ball or my breakfast but by then it’s to late. I really don’t care though. Mostly because I don’t have to clean it up. So there.

Mom and dad have been a few places since my last writing. Of course, I wasn’t invited to tag along on any of their adventures. I hear their first anniversary is coming up and they are going someplace with another couple and I’m still not invited. I’m not really happy about it but there isn’t much I can do about it. Except for maybe trying to bite them both more often. The only trouble with that is it just pisses them off even more. Especially dad. Though he is getting much quicker or maybe my age is starting to show and it’s slowing me down some. Oh well.

I’ll be 10 in a few months. Don’t get me wrong I still like to play. Dad chases me around the house just about every day and I try to hide from him. Or we play with my string thing and purple veil thingy. Dad keeps saying he needs to take a video of me doing my playing with those two things. I’m not sure why but he says it’s something to do with more Internet stuff like tubes of you or something. Hmm.

I’m also not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but dad has taken up feeding the local little bird population around our house. Mostly every day except for the day the gardeners come around because the birds wouldn’t come out that day anyway or it’s raining. He has some no or low salt crackers and he crumbles up a few of them on the top of the block wall around our patio. Sometimes he even scatters some around on the floor of the patio as well. Which really brings them up close and personal for me.

Dad doesn’t like to use little bird seed because he says it’s too messy. The little birds just throw it around trying to find only the stuff they like. With the crackers or maybe some old bread they don’t have any options. Kind of like me. My options are slim and none but don’t cry for me Internet people because I do OK. Trust me.

I like to sit at the screen door and watch the little birds eat and fool around while they’re in the patio. Or maybe I’ll sit up a little higher on the pony wall by the front door and watch. Sometimes i gurgle and growl while I’m watching. Mom and dad get a kick out of that action. I’m not really sure why I do it but I do. Actually it’s kind of fun.

Dad is very excited because there’s this blue jay that comes around every once in awhile to grab something to eat too. Boy, he’s a big one and I’d love to try and catch him. There’s also a dove, that mom likes, who comes around too. Now that’s the one that really gets me going. I’d LOVE to catch that one. Dinner is served. What I don’t like is this crow that comes around sometimes. Though dad scares it off though when it does show up. My dad. My hero.

Mom and dad think they’re very clever because they call all of my bird watching, Kwayla TV. Maybe it is. I don’t know. All I know is, I love watching all the little birds have a bite to eat and drink out in our patio. I think it’s fun. Well, I guess that’s about it. See you all next time.

Meow for now,

Kwayla

merle, willie, ‘justified’, and hank III

i have a few things i need to yammer on about. two of which are music related and the other is TV related. i won’t boor you with the details on any of them but just enough detail to maybe make you want to go out and score the stuff yourself or watch the show.

first off, merle haggard has a new CD out. it’s called, ‘i am what i am’. he sure is and i’m glad he is. a fine CD by one of the legends of country music. if you like your country real and not the pussy crap nashville is pumping out these days you’ll like this one by merle. it’s a great CD and i’m glad he’s still hitting some notes. yes, sir.

secondly, willie nelson has a new CD as well, ‘country music’, and it most certainly is. for my money this CD is pure country. country what it used to be. and willie and his band have found it again. not that they ever lost it. but i think you get what i mean. this CD has the feel of a 21st century gene autry CD. that is if gene were still around and recording. pure simple acoustic country done from the heart. you need to buy this CD.

ok. now for the TV riff. in case you’ve missed it you need to check out, ‘justified’, tuesday nights on FX at 10pm eastern. though i think they run re-runs during the week. at any rate, a great show with a wonderful old western movie vibe to it. the brown eyed girl and i both think ‘justified’ has the feel of the old westerns we grew up watching. although the show isn’t a western per say. for my money, i think it’s the best show on TV since, ‘the sopranos’, and i don’t want to see ‘justified’ disappear. check it out.

and since i’m here…hank III has a new CD, ‘rebel within’, hitting the streets on may 23, if i’m not mistaken. i hear hank is back doing some kick ass country again and it’s good. something else for you to check out. this is hank’s last contracted CD for that slime, mike curb. i’m looking forward to hank’s future indie country recordings. i’ve pre-ordered this one on amazon. i think you should too.

there ya go. just because i can…again.

jmh

are you ready for some college football? or the big ten expands(?)

i sure am. the never ending basketball season plods on and on. why anyone watches it is beyond me. way beyond me. i have no use for it. but my regular readers know this. so on to the point. or that’s the hope. the epistle meanders about as i’m sometimes want to do. however, i think you’ll get the points.

college football fans been following the presumed big 10 expansion with great interest since we first heard of it after the regular season last year. the big 10 is looking for maybe 2 or even 4 teams to cash in on their league. or more to the point the big ten to cash in on more teams and perhaps to help recruitment and generate more tv money for the schools.

there have been many rumors just as to which schools might get the invitation to join them. schools such as: notre dame, rutgers, syracuse, nebraska and missouri. however, last week there was a flurry of eamils from the big 10 and said schools that there really wasn’t anything to anything anyone was saying about anything and which schools were being considered. smoke and mirrors from everyone in high places.

all that being said, for my money, the only schools that make any sense if the big ten is to keep any sort of geographical sense to it’s name would be make nebraska and missouri an offer they couldn’t refuse. sure notre dame is in indiana but the irish are enjoying their independence and independent stature. plus their own tv network, nbc. rutgers on the other hand is a new york/new jersey school. it is just an attempt by the big ten to score some tv viewers from the big apple area. only trouble is they really don’t care much for college football there. and rutgers and syracuse come and go as football powers. if powers is even the right word.

well, this whole thing is about money. more big money. the current sad state of college football. i could go on about that but perhaps another time. the next question being: what happens to the big 12 if nebraska and missouri get the call to come on down and join the big 10 and wallow in the greenbacks?

in my mind there are only three possibilities if geography means anything anymore to the big 12. byu, utah, and boise st. and the way boise st has been playing ball the past few years they are the obvious number one choice. the only problem being is their academics. would the big 12 want to sully it’s rep with a third tier school? even if that school is playing lights out football? i’m thinking probably so with a few twists and turns from all the deans involved. things could be worked out. byu and utah don’t have the academic issues. the only real issue there is byu is a religious school. so is notre dame, pilgrim.

it’s all very interesting. it gives us college football fans something to think and write about while we sit and wait for the season to roll out in september. it also gives the pac 10 something to think about as well. expansion. though even with the new commissioner the pac 10 still can’t get a decent tv package. us pac 10 homers have to scramble on most saturdays in order to find and watch pac 10 games that matter. if the pac can’t get a decent tv deal how are they ever going to try to expand? ah, maybe they shouldn’t. though, sadly, at some point they are going to be forced into it.

where do they go to find teams? colorado is the primary place. and utah. once again, byu and utah. boise st isn’t even on the pac 10 radar due to the previously mentioned problem. byu gets discounted again because of the religious deal but i’m thinking that’s just a red herring. at any rate, it’s very interesting that utah is on everyone’s wish list. it just goes to show what an excellent academic and research institution will do for you when big time college football money comes knocking at your door.

what happens if all this stuff comes to pass? schools abandoning one conference for another. long time allegiances thrown under the bus for the almighty dollar. yes, indeed. panties all wadded up into places that make for total discomfort. whining the likes we’ve never heard before. the freaking feds sticking their nose into places they shouldn’t but think they should and can. and they will. sadly.

gliding somewhat under the radar, like a stealth drone, in all of this we need more money madness—the super conferences. the death knell of college football as we old timers know it. the final nail in the coffin of the sport. college football is all i have left. and they just keep pecking at it like a bunch of turkey vultures trying to glean one more mouthful from the rotting corpse. perhaps the analogy is a bit strong. or maybe not. only time will tell.

jmh

dead soldier weekend (another phase[?])

dead soldier weekend is this coming weekend. time to honor those that gave their all for this once great nation. i was thinking about just trotting out an oldie from the vault and adding something about this sad sacred weekend. it is sad to some of us in many ways. maybe it should be for you as well. lift a glass to those who’ve fought and died for this nation. it’s the least you can do.

on a lighter note, for this dead soldier weekend instead of a repeat i’m going to give you a small and maybe semi amusing story from my time in vietnam. the astute among you might notice that the title of this epistle is the same title from a few years ago. the only difference here are the grammatical marks and the story itself.

i was attached to MACV Advisory Team 48, located in Ham Tan, South Vietnam. i’ve been down that road many times before in this blog. and i’ve written about various things over the years concerning my time spent there. i hadn’t thought about this particular incident in a long time. i got to thinking about it while the brown eyed girl and i were watching ‘army wives’ the other night. yeah, it’s a soap and i’ll sit and watch it on occasion. some episodes are pretty good. like the one ann margaret was in a few weeks ago. if you don’t know who ann margaret is you should google her. but i digress. the show we were watching was about USO shows and the iraq war.

during my year in ham tan we had a few USO acts come out every now and again. no one famous. usually just some filipino rock band trying to play top forty cover tunes while trying to stay in tune. ah, well, enough alcohol and smoke will make just about anything seem palatable on any number of levels. plus, it was good PR for the americans to welcome some of the local vietnamese onto the the small compound, at night, for some free grub and music. which of course, was all well and good.

just down the dirt road from us was a Navy Seabee unit. a great bunch of guys if there ever was one. sadly, i can’t remember their unit designation, if i could i’d give them the props they deserve. the seabee detachment was Seabee Team 03-21, many thanks to terry at www.seabee-rvn.com, i do appreciate it. at any rate, some of them would usually come up into our compound at night to drink and watch the nightly movie. some of us, on the other hand, were invited to drop by their place on the weekend to hang out and eat some decent chow for a change. a few of us even volunteered to ride shotgun for them several times. all in all, things worked out rather well. a very nice army/navy relationship.

the seabees would also always come over for the USO shows. why not? well, after a couple of the filipino band shows, several folks began to wonder about some other acts that might be available to venture out to us for an evenings entertainment. wonder indeed. wonder say, why not a band and a stripper? yeah, why not?

when the wonder actually got around to the asking it became very clear that the province senior advisor, an army bird colonel, would not have any such action taking place on army property while he was in command. no ifs and or buts, soldiers. sure we grumbled and bitched and figured, well, that was it. or so we thought. always remember, kids, that it ain’t over till it’s over and the stripper gets naked.

the seabee guys found out we couldn’t get the deal done so they cranked it up on their end and got a band, with a stripper, signed up to come out a few weeks down the road on a saturday afternoon. it had to be held in the early afternoon due to the logistics of getting them back to saigon before dark. the other bands stayed over as guests of the locals. but they didn’t have a stripper in tow. ah, yes, catholic and buddhist sensibilities along with proper decorum.

all of us army guys were, of course, invited to the up coming show. however, when the colonel found out he told the seabees they could forget about it. they then told him to kindly fuck off. they were navy and the show would be on navy property, thank you. and you, colonel, are not invited and have no further say in the matter. yes, siree. a regular dust up with a bunch of telephone traffic between the colonel and some higher ups in the navy.

as it turned out, the army colonel made a minor inroad. he got the navy to agree that there probably shouldn’t be a stripper involved. and the seabees agreed to this new wrinkle. wink wink. they would follow their officer’s wishes. officers who would be no where near ham tam come time for the afternoon show. the colonel? he was still missing from the guest list.

when the day of the show arrived the seabees got an early start and set up a stage. then they proceeded to line every piece of their heavy equipment along the wire that separated their compound from the road. a virtual wall of road graders and water tankers among other vehicles, thus pretty much sealing off the compound. and making it very hard for any lookie loos to get a good look, if any, at just what was going beyond the wire inside the compound.

we all showed up early for the festivities. eager to see the band and more importantly the stripper. who turned out to be a very lovely filipino lady. while we sat around drinking beer waiting for show-time, the colonel made at least three passes in his jeep trying like hell to see just what the fuck was going on inside the compound. he may or may not have been told to fuck off even further by the seabees but he never did see any of the show. and a fine show it was. i can assure you that amazingly enough, no gaudy debauchery occurred, before, during, or after the show. just your usual band with a stripper and a bunch of semi tanked up soldiers appreciating their show.

i wish i could tell you that the story had a happy ending. but, sadly, after the show, the colonel told the seabees they weren’t going to be allowed back on the army compound. his compound. and he told us we weren’t allowed to go on to the navy’s property any longer. what a fine mess. and what a fine ass hole he was.

yes, yet another anti-climatic true nam story from yours truly. just another of those, it is what it is stories, brought to you by the now defunct san bernardino county, ca draft board.

raise a glass and toast all the dead soldiers from all the wars. honor them all. they gave everything so we would still have the freedom to raise that glass and toast them. a simple thing to be sure and something that needs to be done more often than one weekend in may.

jmh

the following is a cut and paste from http://www.usmemorialday.org thanks to my friend, dfr, for turning me on to it.

HEADQUARTERS GRAND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC
General Orders No.11, WASHINGTON, D.C., May 5, 1868

The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church-yard in the land. In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.

We are organized, comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, “of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers, sailors, and marines who united to suppress the late rebellion.” What can aid more to assure this result than cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead, who made their breasts a barricade between our country and its foes? Their soldier lives were the reveille of freedom to a race in chains, and their deaths the tattoo of rebellious tyranny in arms. We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let no wanton foot tread rudely on such hallowed grounds. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of
time testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

If other eyes grow dull, other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain to us.

Let us, then, at the time appointed gather around their sacred remains and garland the passionless mounds above them with the choicest flowers of spring-time; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved from hishonor; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon a nation’s gratitude, the soldier’s and sailor’s widow and orphan.

It is the purpose of the Commander-in-Chief to inaugurate this observance with the hope that it will be kept up from year to year, while a survivor of the war remains to honor the memory of his departed comrades. He earnestly desires the public press to lend its friendly aid in bringing to the notice of comrades in all parts of the country in time for simultaneous compliance therewith.

Department commanders will use efforts to make this order effective.
By order of

JOHN A. LOGAN,
Commander-in-Chief

N.P. CHIPMAN,
Adjutant General

Official:
WM. T. COLLINS, A.A.G.

a memorial day video

my friend ozark sent me this video in an email this morning. musically it kicks some ass. emotionally it kicks some ass as well, especially for us vietnam vets, whom the song is about. and for our vietnam era brothers and sisters. i hope you watch it and pass it along this memorial day weekend.

there are many veterans out there that need our help. it seems that the feds, the folks that start the shit, want to cut us out of the herd more and more every day. fine. so be it. let’s all try and do more for each other.

raise a glass and remember the fallen this weekend. remember them every day.

to all of my vietnam vet brothers and sisters, i hope we all one day find peace.

watch here

jmh

The USC Trojans, A 2010 Season Preview

yes, it’s still early and basketball plods on and on and on. baseball doesn’t appear on anyone’s radar till after the all-star break. well, women’s college softball is on mine but what can i say? other than it’s been that way for a good six years or so. i could go on but that isn’t why i’m here. college football, or more to the point, the usc football 2010 season and my take on it. the schedule is out so why not?

coach pete hit the road after last year’s sort of a bust season. plus the fact the ncaa is more than likely going to sanction the trojans for the reggie bush ‘problem’. we keep hearing that but as of this writing nothing has happened. but stuff is going to hit the fan soon. it probably won’t be pretty but i doubt it will be the SMU death sentence. anyone with half a brain knows this is going to happen or it ought to happen.

lane kiffin is the new coach. you, of course, already know that. i wasn’t really very excited when he was hired. one year at tennessee with a lot of running his mouth off and inserting his foot in said mouth. not what i would classify as sterling credentials. a few years with the god awful raiders and then dumped by al ‘am i wearing anything with color?’ davis. that probably isn’t a bad thing. nobody gets along with old al.

though when you dig a bit deeper and discover that lane was the guy coach pete went to after norm chow jumped ship. coach kiffin actually improved on norm’s scoring and other over all offensive stats. a good thing to be sure, as norm is a god among college offensive coordinators. coach kiffin also brought along a number of coaches from tennessee, one of which is his father-in-law. fine, i guess if that helps on the home front at times. plus, ed orgeron is a damn fine defensive coordinator. usc’s defense should be the star of the show again this year.

all in all, coach kiffin and staff seem to be doing a good job since coming on board this past winter. and mike garrett seems to have made a reasonable choice in coach kiffin, who at this point, has keep his lame comments and statements to himself and the family pets. however, the season hasn’t started. things could change. going sideways in a heartbeat or maybe even hitting some fine high notes. time tells. but they are in the top 25 in pre-season polls, at any rate, let’s get to the point here.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/2 at hawaii. a thursday night game probably on espn. a kick off special indeed in more ways than one. since june jones left hawaii they are back to playing crappy football. this season should be no different. and even with all the distractions of hawaii; sun, surf, and hot babes, the trojans should win this hands down. usc wins.

9/11 virginia at home. this one could go either way depending on how well virginia plays. or how hungover the trojans still are after the hawaii game. none the less, usc wins.

9/18 at minnesota. a tough road game if the golden gophers play like they did the first half of the season last year. usc wins.

9/25 at washington st. mike reilly is a great coach. but it’s tough to recruit there at state. usc wins.

10/2 washington at home. sark is back at the coliseum. locker didn’t go pro. push come to shove time for kiffin. on paper it doesn’t look good. usc gets their first loss.

10/9 at stanford. another of those on paper thingys that doesn’t look good. second loss for usc.

10/16 california at home. by this time the bears will be ready for their usual season el foldo. lucky for usc. usc wins.

10/30 oregon at home. at least they have a week or two off before this one hits the turf. too bad it didn’t come earlier in the season for the ducks. or maybe not. at any rate, usc wins.

11/6 arizona st at home. no problem. usc wins.

11/13 at arizona. tough times again. another usc loss.

11/20 at oregon st. in the past four weeks usc will have played 3 or maybe 4 very tough games. this is the beavers year in the pac 10. forget about it. another loss for usc.

11/27 notre dame at home. good thing this one is a home game. they should be able to keep the november home wining streak in tact. usc wins.

12/4 at ucla. the bruins are probably more than likely at least another year away from being back in the pac. usc should win this one. usc wins.

13 games for the trojans, a long season. however, their 9 and 4 record won’t get them to the rose bowl, more than likely the holiday bowl or something. but not too shabby for first year coach lane. usc’s defense will be stellar once again. maybe.

several points to remember. depending any number of things i might change my mind on any of the games this season. it really isn’t to far off course for the trojans to maybe even run the table. doubtful but if they can beat a team or two that i have them losing to anything could happen. on the other hand, if sanctions hit them hard and the new crew can’t motivate the players through them, things could get really ugly in a hurry. for now, it is what it is. and i can’t wait for it to get rolling. is it september yet?

jmh

The Oregon Ducks, A 2010 Season Preview

chip kelly’s second year at the helm of the ducks just might even be a bit trickier than his first. there have been numerous off the field issues with players. issues that i really don’t think are coach chip’s fault. kids get arrested all on their own. is it the coaches fault or their upbringing? something else may have an effect on the team this year as well. saint mike belloti took the money from espn and ran all the way to connecticut after only one year as oregon’s athletic director. what lured him way? a no fun job? big time tv money? or something lurking in the wings for duck football?

on a good note, things look fairly good for the ducks this year. that is if the arrests and convictions of starting players slows down a bit. yes, they took some hits this past off season. jeremiah masoli won’t be playing qb this year. a dumb move on his part sealed his fate. a move that seems to plague most of college football these days. plus there are other law enforcement issues with other players on the team. the ducks do have 18 returning starters who so far have avoided getting arrested. that fact alone seems to make several of the pundits happy enough to put the ducks in their top 25 pre-season polls.

at any rate, questions questions questions run amok in this fan’s mind. time to break the season down.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/4 new mexico at home. this should be an easy win for the ducks if they can find a decent qb to fill masoli’s shoes. yes, they have a couple of guys who did play a bit behind him but i for one am not convinced either can fill anybodies shoes. not yet any the ways. ducks win.

9/11 at tennessee. not an easy game by any means but i think the ducks can pull it off. even with qb issues. ducks win.

9/18 portland st at home. i almost typed i could qb this game and the ducks would still win. what do you know, i did type that. if they can’t win this one, well… ducks win.

9/25 at arizona st. a hot time in arizona. they better be ready for it. ducks ought to win. ducks win.

10/2 stanford at home. not as easy as it looks and if the qb situation is still not settled they will lose. however, the ducks win. convoluted but it’s my blog.

10/9 at washington st. one day again sometime soon, if mike stays with the cougars, they will be team to be reckoned with again. i hope he sticks it out. the ducks win.

10/21 ucla at home. this might be a fun game to watch depending on any number of things going on for each team. home game is the clincher. ducks win.

10/30 at usc. tough road game for the ducks and their first loss of the year. ducks lose.

11/6 washington at home. home game but the huskies have a very good qb. the ducks will by this point probably be playing at least 3 different qb’s per game. ominous. or maybe not. none the less, the ducks lose.

11/13 at california. as usual by this time coach tedford will have lost just about any motivation on the bear’s part. their mid to late season el foldo routine plods on. ducks win.

11/26 arizona at home. a very tough game for the ducks. and one i hope i get to watch. out on a limb here. the ducks win.

12/4 at oregon st. the civil war game. this is oregon st’s year in the pac 10 and BCS. the brothers rodgers need to stay healthy though. the ducks lose.

9 wins and 3 losses. not too shabby at all for my long beloved ducks. although they won’t be going to the rose bowl, the other oregon will be. just remember that i reserve the right to change my opinions on any of these games after the season gets rolling. plus, anything can happen between now and september. by then the whole squad could end up in leavenworth or pelican bay. let’s just hope that’s not the case. is it september yet?

jmh

the other shoe begins to drop or the end of college sports as we know it

college football, as we once knew it, will begin to lose what luster it once held for us old line watchers today. USC finally gets hit with NCAA sanctions today for the reggie bush years. something that has taken far too long. i guess somebody somewhere wanted to protect pete carroll. he’s out of the picture now and here comes the bus, sans brakes heading for USC.

lane kiffin is said to be pissed. well, kids, if that’s the case he’s dumber than i thought he was and or is. he must have bought mike garrett’s bullshit hook line and sinker. lane, give me a break. you bought the pig and the poke. i guess you can bail out just like you did at tennessee. hell, why even wait for the season to begin? do it today.

as for reggie bush, thanks dumb ass. they should melt your heisman down, hang it around your neck and toss you off the nearest pier. the same should be said of oj simpson as well but that’s for another time.

speaking of today, it’s time for the brass at USC to get their head out of their collective asses and fire mike garrett. they can’t fire pete, who i’m sure knew just as much as mike did or does. time to get with it USC. way past time for mr. mike to be canned. just bleeding do it.

more speaking of today, the ultimate demise of college football also begins today. the f$$$$$$ just don’t give a f$$$ about the fans. that has been obvious for years. today with all the teams beginning to bail out of conferences and diving into other conferences and an even bigger pile of money speaks volumes about the disdain college athletics has for the fan. and the school’s love of money.

super conferences are here and i’ll probably stop watching the bastardization of the game i love not too much further down this sad road. screw it. i don’t want to see it. i suppose i’m just as much to blame as the rest of us ultimately are. playoffs. we screamed and hollered about the damn things for years. nobody listened. we were told stuff with apparently a wink and a nod by the humps that run the deal. the money lusting ass hole deans and regents.

well, we’re going to get playoffs not too long from now. and guess what? they will make a mess out of what was the ONLY REMAINING UN-SULLIED COLLEGE SPORT. college football will become college basketball. no one watches college basketball until march and the big dance. no one with half a ******* brain will watch college football after the playoffs start up. why? playoffs will make the regular season games meaningless. pre-playoffs each and every game was important. that won’t be the case very soon.

god, the horror. every school in texas in the pac 10. what the eff? the beginning of the end. and @&%# you NCAA and the board of regents at every damn div 1 school. adios, college football. i’m done after this coming season or the first year the super deal goes into effect. $$$$ you and your super conferences.

jmh

anniversary waltz(?), Temecula, CA

last week the brown eyed girl and i celebrated our first wedding anniversary. time flies when you’re having fun right? exactly. so, in celebration of that monumental event another couple joined us for a couple days of wine tasting and wonderful food in temecula, ca.

we had a great time and on the wine tasting day got pretty much hammered on our six hour tasting run of six wineries. driving on our own that day would have been stupid and criminal at best. we hired a limo for the day which covered the criminal part of that equation. stupid is another story. just kidding.

all and all a wonderful trip. we plan on doing it again in a couple of months.

yours truly and the limo.

Temecula, CA grape country.

some old hammered italian guy.

what happens when the old italian guy doesn’t care for the vino.

jmh

sex and/or theatre(?) pt 1

to further the spirit of 76 and summer re-runs here’s one from the vault you just might find amusing. a bit of lipstick and it’s ready for the trotting out deal. thanks for reading.

jmh

the tangents have already started and i haven’t even begun. shit running rampant through my synapse frazzled brain. sex? street theatre? yeah, i prefer theatre. imagine, noel coward, for those of you who even know who the fuck he was, and say ‘theatre’. quite british i suppose. anyways, the other way it’s spelled looks like an optometrist’s eye chart to me. demon dyslexia. sex and/or street theatre. simple as that. or is it? sex and religion? philosophical theatre? yes, of course, just get on with it.

a number of years ago in a lifetime far far away from today…

summertime. huntington beach, ca. surf city. the old mobile home park behind the sheraton hotel right on PCH. friends parents had a trailer there. nice place and nothing like where britney spears comes from. more tangents. even a nice 3 par golf course wandering through the trailers. nine iron and a putter. step out and play. sweet.

friends parents were gone, off to god knows where, and the place was ripe for party time. college kids high school kids. need i say more? you bet. the place was ours.

i was in the living room with a nine iron practicing my swing and promptly put it through the ceiling with my backswing. it was only 6 or so in the morning. harbinger of things to come? general consensus was…maybe no one will notice. youth in all of it’s bluster.

ok. party planned and lots of alcohol. way too much alcohol. girls even. though they knew us all to well so more were needed if anything was going to happen. sexually.

out on the beach hitting on anything faintly resembling a woman and asking them if they wanted to go to the party. most of them ran away frantically seaching for johnny law or somebody like him. another harbinger? or they just giggled. perhaps even worse.

in and out of the water wandering the beach. back in back out. searching. by early afternoon it looked like the only women there that night would just be the ladies we already knew. not good for horny young men.

like a shimmering mirage from a testosterone haze. she appeared. sitting in the sand. blonde and gorgeous. amazing. where did she come from? someone’s gift or a cruel joke? only time would tell. like all gorgeous women back then, of that age, and from what i’ve seen today wandering about they always seem have the homley friend very close by. in some sort of demented hindsight it seems as if they are the chastity belt of sorts for the more hot babe. tangents.

ever swave and debonner the hit was made. amazingly blonde goddess says, yes. say what? friend i’m with and i are pretty much dumbfounded. did we hear her right? yep. but then things are rarely what they seem. plain jane says, no. a big no. we spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with them trying to convince the plain one to attend the festivities that evening. no dice.

luckily they were staying at the hotel that weekend with blonde bombshell’s parents. sadly all of them in the same room. another harbinger? we begged and pleaded for a hotel pool side meeting that evening in order to chat some more. blonde babe was even on our side. she liked me. plain babe relented and agreed to the pool side meet. nothing more.

after an early dinner friend agreed to go to the pool meet with me. a nice gesture if there ever was one. they were waiting. blonde babe even lovelier in jeans and a shirt. sweet. we talked our heads off. the party had already started. we hadn’t even had a drink. it was getting summertime dark. we were not getting anywhere. then out of nowhere plain jane says, ok. fucking yes!!! there is a god after all.

we hit the party and and things are cool with plain jane. she actually seemed to relax a tad. no booze however. but there are other females there. after a bit blondie and i hit the kitchen for some…privacy? lust and youth know no bounds?

tongues down throats. hands everywhere. is it just me or is it hot in here? or maybe the sunburn? the jaunt into the kitchen for privacy is actually working. the move is made. hand down her pants under the underware. eureka! home free and she’s already sopping wet. what could be better? well her hand down my pants and past the underware. bingo! bacchus is indeed smiling tonight.

well, he was smiling for maybe 30 seconds or so. standing by the kitchen sink and in mid grope a blood curdling scream is heard. plain jane had gone looking for blondie. she found her there in the kitchen. it was right out of a nightmare. for plain jane. blondie. and poor poor me.

plain jane does a very nice about face, worthy of any military move, and jets out the front door. screaming, no shit, screaming and running pell mell across the golf course and into the night towards the hotel. now it’s blondie’s turn to freak out. she’s going to tell my parents. aw, just fucking amazing. there she goes out the front door and into the night as well. what the fuck happened was the question from everyone there. damned if i know, i say, grabbing a quart of beer and heading out the door myself.

friend and i found them by the pool. blondie begging jane not to rat her out. another marthon chat fest. jane agrees, finally, to keep quiet about the whole sordid affair. however the rest of the evening is spent drinking sans blondie or any other female willing to go into the kitchen for some privacy. see what i mean about harbingers?

this morning’s very fitting music presented by, the rolling stones, ‘exile on main street’.

jmh

sex and/or theatre(?) pt 2 & 3

some more lipstick and like the title says here are parts 2 and 3 all rolled up into an independence day package. part 2 is not for the faint of heart and if you’re easily offended by the antics of stupid and drunk males perhaps it won’t be your cup of tea. however, it was what it was and i don’t make any apologies for anything other than sorry if we woke you up. thanks again for reading and there is one more installment to follow.

jmh

the stones are still rolling and the story ain’t over till every drop of booze has been drunk and the fat lady sits quietly weeping on the edge of the stage. this part here is the theatre part and perhaps not for the faint hearted. who knows?

well over 30 quarts of beer, several gallons of red mountain vino, jim beam and his brother jack daniels gone as well. not gallons but enough or maybe way too much. the girls didn’t drink much. the boys, 6 or 7, made up for it.

way way later in the wee hours, we found ourselves in the hotel cafe ordering up breakfast. sans any women. nothing unusual there. sop. or something like it. events at this point get sorta hazy. in the group was a youngster. even younger than we were and further from 21 than any of us. a good kid and a very good local surfer. his folks lived in the trailer park. so of course, when he went head first into his breakfast, it occurred to some of the more sober among us that, shit, oh oh, this ain’t good or anywhere near cool. people were looking at us, even more so than before the dive into the eggs. an edgy night had just gotten edgier and was about to become surreal.

the bill was paid and we unassed the area as best we could before the cops were called. we made our way across the golf course. still night. summertime dark. perhaps a moon but what the fuck? quarts of beer left out on the grass for the walk home?

somewhere out in the middle of the golf course an idea sorta burst into what would be the theatre part of this sad tale. an idea that to this day lives in infamy. but we were drunk, young, and stupid. a sad thing for sure. something only dean wormer might appreciate. not the theatre but the drunk bit.

out there in the middle of the grass and night was to become the first of many future drunken jfk assassination re-enactments. yes, in all of it’s gory glorious details. right there. night banshees from some sort of kafkaesque delirium tremors. acting out for all who were awake or were about to be, one of the saddest days of our collective history. true guerrilla theatre knows no bounds, my friends. something all of us learned that night. a valuable life lesson i’m sure.

just who played who, is to this day still very murky. the only thing we all remember is the youngest of us all played, jackie. sunny side up eggs still on his face. and he did a damn fine job as well. imaginary lincolns jack jackie lbj the gov lee secret service men gun shots running screaming dark death reigned.

it was over almost as soon as it begun. or at least as long as it took to get organized and done. we all knew the scene so very well. etched forever. it was easy to pull off. parts given and accepted. just do it. the really incredible thing being the cops never showed up. simpler times i guess. the real pale of human insanity hadn’t reared it’s ugly head, just yet.

the jfk assassination became part of our drunken repertoire and even sober theatre. cars were added later along with squirt guns. the youngest among us was always, jackie. regardless.

every time we did the jfk deal it got more involved. not that we did it all the time. just when, i suppose, it was a full moon and the hormones were running rampant untapped by feminine hands. however, the last time we ever performed the jfk assassination it was in broad daylight and we were stone sober. but that’s for an other time. maybe.

‘exile on main street’, ibid or op cit

jmh

ok. just because somebody out there is probably wondering just what happened to blondie and plain jane after the totally unfortunate previous sordid evening’s misadventure. can an evening be possessive? drifting already. screw it.

no, the ladies did not participate in the the jfk street theatre presentation. generally speaking that presentation was a male only deal. though maybe a lady or two was involved a time or two. sadly i can’t remember. but probably doubtful. i mean it was something they would watch for sure but actually get involved with, not very likely, on numerous levels. veering.

so, the next day was spent on the beach in and out of the water. hung over to the max. late in the day, perhaps in some demented way like a salmon trying to spawn, i wandered over to where blondie had first been spotted. amazingly enough she was there. plain jane as well. blondie, red as an over cooked lobster, but only on the front side. a goddamn sight to behold. i was like, whoa, ah um, nice to see you. what happened? seems she really did like me and had sat there all damn day, tit side up, waiting for me to travel back up stream while she got the sunburn of her life.

i got her address which was way west of de onta and her phone number. but i figured i’d never be free from plain jane and any woman who would get a third degree sunburn over some dumb fuck she hardly knew was probably not worth the time and energy involved. yeah, i never saw her again. call me stupid or whatever. however, to this day i still think i made the right call.

frank zappa, ‘one size fits all’. the tune, ‘inca roads’, in particular.

jmh

sex and/or theatre(?) pt 4, the coda

for those of you who’ve stuck with this insanity from my past this is the final chapter of my guerrilla theatre days. ah, actually that isn’t true there is one more story. but not for today. ok. so, in addition to the lipstick i’ve added a photo at the end to give some perspective to the story. thanks again for reading. i do appreciate it. from exactly 44 years ago and some other fourth of july weekend, the final chapter.

jmh

this is it the long awaited conclusion to this old sad tale of mis-spent youth. oddly just a short demented portion of said youth. i think it might be a bit anti-climatic at this point but, whatever, it must be done and finished. for whatever reasons, if nothing more than to make me stop thinking i have to finish the fucker. clear the decks as it were or is.

the jfk theatre sorta evolved over a couple or 3 years into several things. it morphed into the abe lincoln deal a few times and that really was theatre on a couple of levels. we tossed in mckinley, as well, which was a short and sweet sorta jack ruby type thing. speaking of jack ruby, we stayed away from that one. i suppose there just wasn’t enough drink to bring us to the point of reeling that one off for the viewing public. tangents and an industrial strength mall coffee jazz working here.

regular readers may remember a certain lady, who for a number of years was a weekly source for buying us all the booze we wanted and gave us a place to drink it. any the ways, at different points she would do road trips. the more famous of them were trips to rosarito beach in ensanada, baja california. i never made one of those as i was usually working for my walking around money. those trips were famous for their drunkenness and upon occasion their almost deadly fireworks. however, i did manage to make one of the road trips though. 4th of july, 1966.

not baja but carlsbad state beach here in south socal or north san diego county. a nice beach campground that sits up on a cliff above the sand and water. i spent an easter holiday there in 1964 during and after the great alaskan earthquake. we sat up most of the night waiting for the tidal wave that turned out to be only inches high. thankfully. carlsbad is not one of my favorite beaches because the water sits at the foot of the cliffs and there isn’t much breeze or air down there on a hot summer day. generally it gets hot enough to melt the wax on a surfboard. that’s hot. though up on the top of the cliff there’s usually a nice stiff ocean breeze. well, the beach deal was set up. seemed like everyone was going. a large contingent indeed. i think we all knew this was probably going to be the swan song for a number of things and it turned out to be so. after all who doesn’t want to miss a swan song?

several people who didn’t have to work, made it down a day or so before hand to set up the encampment. encampment was what it was. the lady was a marine during ww2 and once a marine, always a marine. a very nice camp site. several very large tents, one for the ladies and one for the boys to men, and windbreaks, plus all the almost comforts of home. even a list of ten or so dos and don’ts for the camp site was prominently posted. we arrived on the scene late in the afternoon. several carloads of us. they almost didn’t let us in. some of the group were not 18 and no one in any of the cars was 21 to act as chaperon or responsible party. the lady had to be found and then come down to the main gate and get us in. the only trouble with that was, it put us the park ranger’s radar screen. bad juju, indeed.

the campground was packed as it was the 4th and a long weekend. we unloaded our stuff and for some reason or another, the muses again i suppose, we decided to give the assembled campers a nice rousing rendition of the jfk dallas deal. stone cold sober. in and of itself a first. we had a nice stretch of straight narrow road. several cars, no the chocolate bomb was not one of them. sadly. though we did have a vw with a sunroof. it became the lincoln. squirt guns. a captive audience as it were and the stupidity of youth to pull it off.

i must say the performance was inspired. so inspiring that some of it wasn’t even a part of the original tragedy, like secret service agents being shot and falling off the cars into the sand. yes, indeed, a true spectacle of youth gone insane and wild. mouths were agape. some strange sort of weird madness had fallen across the collective camper consciousness of mr and mrs america that late friday afternoon. something they had not been prepared for in the least. something that made their heads swirl with utter befuddlement and wonder at the crazed scene unfolding right before their very eyes. a scene they had not counted on ever seeing i suppose. yes, well, what can i say? other than the park rangers were far from amused.

in hindsight, i’m glad this was before the time when california park rangers started packing side arms. they probably would have shot us just on general principles. i also imagine when it was being debated as to whether or not rangers should have a side arm the, ‘carlsbad incidents’, (yes, there were more, incidents) were brought up as proof positive park rangers needed guns to save the unsuspecting public from brain addled youths. yes, of course, i whole hardily concur now a days but that’s a drift.

ah, johnny law, at his most perturbed is at times a sight to behold. even to this day. they swooped, from it seemed, everywhere all at once. a very almost swat like tactic. they probably didn’t realize they had it in them but the true spectacle of human weirdness was upon the campground and it was their duty. we were collared and they demanded to know who was in charge. of course, the lady marine was not happy. she was ready for our stupidity when we were drunk but sober was another story. now she had park rangers tramping through her fire base, as it were. looking around.

then one of them spotted the posted ‘list’. he demanded to know what it was, who put it up, and just what the hell was up with number 9. you have to remember these were simpler times and things were just beginning to come unglued at the hinges for america. for you see, rule 9 on the list, in bold print, stated to all concerned: NO FARTING IN THE TENTS. god, the horror. but none the less a simple and common courtesy for your fellow campers. drunk or sober. a rule that should be known to all in the camp. anyways, the lady marine had had it with us, now she’d had it with the rangers. she went ballistic. the rangers retreated but put everyone on super secret probation and handed out a stern warning.

well, with all the pre-dinner sordidness everyone was walking on eggshells at dinner and clean up time. when it came time for drinking, it was a very somber affair indeed. there’s nothing worse than somber drinking for underage drinkers. it adds to the already pent up youthful anxieties and all the angst needs to come screaming out at some point. scream out it did at 0600 hrs the next morning.

there were so many of us there wasn’t room in the tents for all of us to sleep. i was one several who slept outside the tent by the edge of the cliff nestled nicely in the arms of cold beach sand. i was still asleep when i was blasted awake by a squirt gun and screaming. everyone’s 6am wake up call was a re-enactment of the storming of the beaches of iwo jima. yeah, it was in reverse as those doing the show were running, shooting, screaming, and jumping off the cliff only to land a few feet below on a nice sandy lip area. then scampering back up and doing it again. yes, indeed. early morning madness.

the only thing saving the day was the fact that the rangers hadn’t arrived for work as yet. though of course, when they did arrive they paid the camp a visit. technicalities were back then, as they still are today, rule the day. they had not actually seen the rampant insanity with their own eyes so we were granted a stay in being asked to leave the park. post haste. more super secret probation and dire warnings all around should we fuck up or around any further.

yep, we were little angels for the rest of the day. lady marine was not camping happily. especially when we started to mess with the ladies in the group. telling them stories of the dreaded snapping sea land crabs that infested the beach down below. it kept them up on the cliff and out of our hair. though the marine was not happy with them in her hair all day. night came again and more drinking was in order.

that evening it was more of the drinking on a usual basis type deal. vast amounts of whatever. we maintained a sort of decorum however. nothing untoward as we knew it meant an early departure if we screwed up or around. though some of us couldn’t help but go down to the surf line to watch the fishermen do their night surf thing. we would chat one up for a bit and he would gather his stuff and leave. being to drunk to notice we’d just shrug and wander off to the next fisherman. who after a bit did the same thing. this went on until we were the only people left on the beach. left to our own devices. left to our own insanity.

what better way than to show our drunken disregard for the rangers and everyone else’s lack of a sense of humor, then to write stuff in the sand in letters 3 feet high, in order to let everyone know just how fucked up they were or are. the tide was gonna come in an wash it away, right? so what the fuck? rock and roll.

the next morning we awoke to large groups of folks standing on the cliff pointing down toward the water. uh, yeah, the tide had already come in the night before so our insane pornographic ramblings were still visible for everyone to read that morning with their coffee. another visit from the rangers, of course. technicalities once again saving us. no one could prove anything. no one could prove we were the culprits. ipso facto we got off. however, the lady marine was livid. making the rest of that day and night almost unbearable. so unbearable we plotted against the lady marine. what else is a poor boy to do?

it was decided we would sabotage the move out when it came. one of us was to stay with the ladies and help with the tent striking stuff. the rest of us were leaving in the morning. that night we rigged up the main tent so that whoever was inside during the take down would end up underneath the collapsing tent. a sure fire knee slapper that we would not be around to see. as for the guy that was supposed to be helping, he would be off wandering the beach having forgotten it was time to decamp the camp. brilliant. it worked perfectly. only trouble was the poor lad had to drive home in the same car with the lady. she was so pissed she had to let him drive. something she never did on any outing. lady marines always drive.

ok. there it is in all of it’s mad glory. the completed story. it’s out there now and i can forget about it. well, writing about it anyways.

carlsbad state park as it appears today. there was no fence back in 1966.

jmh

sex and/or theatre, the chocolate bomb

more summertime re-runs today. this one finishes off the sex and/or theatre installments for good. though it’s more about the car than anything else. a touch of lipstick and viola. the legend lives once again. thanks for reading.

jmh

for once the category sorta resembles what i’m going to write about. no sorta mystical, what the fuck is he talking about stuff, but an auto or maybe 2, unless of course i get side tracked.

the chocolate bomb was an early 60′s corvair convertible. 4 cylinders of mush power with a nice chevy slip and slide auto tranny. but best of all was the color, milk chocolate brown. hence it’s name.

it was a friends mother’s car. the same family from huntington and the trailer park from previous stuff. it was a fun car. it never went any place in a hurry mainly because it couldn’t.

i almost used it to take my first drivers test at 16 years old. you could parallel park it in your sleep and believe you me some days i needed it. it is kind of amazing that the local dmv, down on 4th in the olden days, didn’t get wise to the chocolate bomb. it must have shown up a number of times with a different smiling shinning faced teenager behind the wheel. this your parents car? yes, sir.

the chocolate bomb was around even into the jfk street theatre days. it played the role of the lincoln a few times. however, it’s greatest role came one early summer evening. at the north end of newport beach. just south of the santa ana river mouth. the houses in that area right on the beach.

several of us had gone out for a cruise with the top down, of course. we wandered onto the streets around those houses. cruising. as any good street theatre performer of those days knows, when the muse slaps you silly, you act. regardless how fucking stupid the idea is or how even more fucking stupid you will look if you do it. yes, yes.

it occurred to us all at pretty much the same time. muses are quick and can slap numerous people silly very quickly. well, 3 anyway. hey, we need to ‘do’ the rose parade!! boffo idea!! lots of folks outside bbqing or washing their rides. they need a diversion. and the diversion was us. myself and another guy sat on the back of the car with our feet on the back seat waving and blowing kisses, just like the damn demented rose queen and her court. in hindsight, 40 some years ago was not the time or the place for that riff. hell, it might not even be the time or place for it today. i guess it would just depend. veering here.

things went ok for a time as we wound our way through the houses in that area. we even got a few laughs. at some point or another we pissed some guys off with our little show. go figure. they of course yelled crazy shit at us and we yelled back. they ran for their car.

the chocolate bomb for some strange reason, maybe the muses had slapped her as well, was up for the occasion. the driver floored it and with the head start we had, the douche bags got close, but they never caught us. then again maybe the reason being we knew the area and the streets and they were just renters from des moines. i really don’t know.

in a spine tingling rush of adrenaline the legend of the chocolate bomb reached new heights that night. it may have been it’s finest hour. pushed to the limit of it’s mushy 4 cylinders, it careened to and fro through the streets of newport beach for what seemed an eternity. time may have stood still that summer evening but the chocolate bomb sure as hell didn’t. god bless her.

this morning’s non-music provided by espn on the am radio.

a chevy corvair. not the chocolate bomb but you get the idea.

jmh

gentlemen, the marines are drafting this month

the re-runs keep on coming this summer. this particular one first appeared almost three years ago. originally it was a two part story. this time around i’m running it as one part. it is what it was and it’s more of my history and yours as well. life throws you knuckle curve balls that can sometimes change everything. even if you just stand there flat footed and watch the ball dance by. there are also odd circumstances in history/life that occur in which you are part but just a minor footnote. also, in case you haven’t noticed it, life can deal out irony like nobodies business. thanks for reading.

jmh

gentlemen the marines are drafting this month

it had already been a bad morning. a very bad morning. however, those seven words sent an electric shock through the hundred or so plus odd souls in the downtown los angeles army induction center, circa dec 1969. things were bad but they were just about to go completely sideways. but i’m getting ahead of myself.

that december day was the second time i’d been drafted by uncle sam. i’d received an induction notice back in may of the same year. i’d managed to get out of that one. i was still in school and actually doing ok for a change. meaning good grades. hell, i was even on the dean’s list. the school got me out of it but warned me if i didn’t go to another school in the fall i’d be history. i’d already spent one of my lifetimes going to that local community college. three years to graduate from a two year school. it was a good thing i drifted into the theatre department. it meant good grades and a sorta reprieve from the inevitable.

yes, it was inevitable. it was all written a few months before i was born in 1948. harry truman re-signed the draft law act and i was doomed while still in my mother’s womb. oh, sure i could have gone to canada but that really wasn’t an option. my father, my uncles, and my godfather. yeah, my godfather, a lucky to be alive heavily decorated big time ww2 combat vet and at the time still in the army. my dad’s best friend. get the picture? doubtful in these weird times.

there were other various ways to avoid the draft. some of which must have worked or the folks in the draft resistance centers wouldn’t have told you about them. though most of the stuff wasn’t something i’d like to try and pull off. say, like crapping in your pants and peeing in them as well for a week or so before your induction physical. that riff was supposed to work as quickly as it took them to get you out of the building. something i didn’t think any sane person could manage. there was another one not quite as bad. it involved a rotten fish, some thread, a needle, and the guts to string the thread through the fish then leave it there to rot along with the fish. after a few days you would take the needle and thread then somehow or another run it through your knee. either one it didn’t matter. this made for an interesting infection in your knee and with the string left there it made for an even more interesting x-ray. no, i don’t think so. thanks, anyway.

another way to avoid the draft if you could come up with $300 or $400 there were doctors that could get you out. maybe. that was the catch, it was only a maybe. however, $300 back in those days might as well have been $100,000 today. plus my folks were just working class stiffs and salt of the earth types. not much cash at that time and one of the reasons i went to the community college to start with. oh, i had some cash but it would have wiped me out. better to just go with some odds and roll the dice. then see what happens. youth, guile, and bluster.

i’d worked through the summer. sorta. i spent a lot of time at the beach or just dicking about. the fall rolled around and i had no plans for school. i was just going to totally lay around and wait for my next draft notice. my parents weren’t happy about this so called plan but then nothing much they could do about it other than bitch. especially when i told them why would anyone want to hire someone who might get drafted next month? i wouldn’t. that usually kept them out of my hair for a few weeks at a time.

the first or second week of november i got my second draft notice. i recall just sitting in the den holding the unopened letter. it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

the swan song of my civilian life was seeing the rolling stones at the forum in inglewood. the infamous 3am show where mick laments he should have brought along his toothbrush. it had been scheduled for much earlier in the evening as the second show of the night. the first show got started several hours late and things just snowballed from there on out. my girlfriend at the time did manage to score peter fonda’s autograph. i finally made it home after the sun had been up for awhile.

just as a drift since i haven’t drifted yet…that particular girlfriend’s parents hated me. i would be in her college dorm room fucking her or she would be giving me head and the phone would ring and it would be her parents or older brother telling her to dump me. the call would go on and on. we would just lay there naked while they ranted on about me. i didn’t care about the call, her brother, or her parents. she swallowed. then she would make some tea to clear her palette as it were. hey, older brother, listen to this. yes, well, my bad.

the fatal morning finally arrived. it was an early morning ride in the dark from de onta out to san berdoo and the swing auditorium for the draft call cattle call. the first stop of the day. the first stop in what was to become an almost two year long living breathing real life twilight zone episode.

it was a sad farewell. parents hugging kids. girlfriends crying. parents crying. young men trying not to cry. it was a sea of misery. then it came time to board the buses for the trip to downtown l.a. a long silent ride in the early morning darkness. private thoughts and prayers hung in the air like a thick fog.

once into the induction center it was the standard army cluster fuck. sorta. take your clothes off put em back on take em off again and wander around naked for awhile going here going there seeing that doctor getting a needle stuck in a vein. yeah, that deal went down with army medics. probably just out of medic school. medics who got lucky when they were sent to the induction center and not nam. at least for the moment.

standing naked in a line with a bunch of other naked guys is no fun. but standing in that line and watching some guy trying to hit pay dirt with a dull seemingly square needle was even worse. i have never seen anything like it. stab, miss, stab again, miss again. no more stabbing just twist the fucker around until the vein was popped and blood drawn. an amazing sight. some of the more feint hearted souls actually passed out watching that action being played out right there before them in living and breathing color.

after the probing and stuff we were given some sort of written test. i don’t recall anything that was on it. though it would play into what was to come later in the morning.

then came time to sit and wait. a game we would all come to play very well. a game that i can still play today. at some point or another we were taken into a room, 30 or 40 of us at a time. it was in this room we heard those fateful words, gentlemen, the marines are drafting this month.

it was more or less fine and dandy we were going to be stuck in the army for a couple of years. well, not fine and dandy but we were at some sort of peace with ourselves and the whole deal. however, this card from the bottom of the deck was more than any sane person could take. suddenly things got even more grim. i’d heard stories about marine corps boot camp from ex-marines during that time period and it’s something i had no wish to experience. the army experience would be more than enough, thank you.

the army officer who had made that statement let it sink in for a few seconds. not that it hadn’t already shaken everyone of us to the core. in those few seconds i came to the realization, that fuck it, i’m going out the open window if i hear my name and the marine corps mentioned in the same sentence.

sure the open window was 4 or 5 floors up from the street but what’s your point? i didn’t care. there were no windows on the lower floors as my friend, jwfh, pointed out and reminded me of yesterday. they had all been bricked over. all of the escape routes covered. either by bricks or army corporals whose sole mission was not to let anyone out of the building. i guess they didn’t think anyone would be fool hardy enough to take a dive from the 4th floor. yeah, well, think again.

they had taken all of our folders and put them in stacks on a a table at the front of the room. each stack had a separate number and letter code. we all had a number and letter code on our folders. say like 6c or 3a. i don’t recall what mine was. plus, i have no idea just how they came up with that number letter code. something to do with mental and psychical shape i’m sure.

after the stacks were completed the officer announced that the marines needed say, 4 6c’s. so the sargent randomly picked 4 folders from the 6c pile. those names were called out and the young men were told to go wait outside in the seating area. then he told the sargent the marines needed 6 3a’s. more random picking and more very very sad young men told to go wait outside. a different number of folders was selected from each of the piles. it wasn’t over until it was over. the group was thinned out by maybe a third and those among us who’s name hadn’t been called were then given the induction oath by the same officer. you’re in the army now.

once that was completed we were told to go wait outside and another group was called into the room. sitting outside, i have never seen more forlorn faces in my life than the faces on those poor guys who were going to go down to pendleton and marine corps boot camp. on the other hand those of us who hadn’t been ‘selected’ were almost ecstatic. go figure.

we waited around until the marines got what they wanted. we were given a bible, a box lunch, some toiletries then we boarded more buses for a 10 hour ride up to ft ord, on the monterrey peninsula. we were supposed to stop for restroom breaks and an evening meal but the driver was having none of that. there would be no one jumping ship or the bus on his watch. no, sir.

we arrived at ft ord around 11pm or later. exhausted and wired in that weird way. life was to become very very different for us all very very soon.

i do not mean to disparage the marine corps. no way. the story is true and was what it was in those times. pure and simple. without the marine corps we would all be in a bigger fix than we are already in. thankfully, there are those among us who still heed the the call of duty, honor, and country. may god bless them one and all. hopefully, some of those blessings will slop over to the rest of us.

i make no apologies for my time in the army or my time in vietnam. it was a sorta righteous deal that went askew. big time. shit happens. it will never be 1941 again. ever. however, that doesn’t mean some sort of applied force someplace is not warranted. iraq seems to be another vietnam. in the last 40 years it’s the only thing teddy kennedy ever got right. pure and simple.

the main problem with vietnam was we just up and left. a sad bad choice. left them to die by the millions. left them to die or worse in the re-education camps. re-education camps right out of mao and the chinese in the 60′s and 70′s. packing up and leaving without finishing the job was bad juju if there ever was bad juju. that bad karma continues to haunt this once great nation. the worst and nastiest re-education camp in vietnam? the old macv advisory 48 compound in ham tan. the place where i spent my year.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 1

this marks the beginning of my fourth year of doing these predictions, and it’s time to break my summer writing fast. autumn is almost upon us and that means college football. usually i’m stoked and chomping at the bit for the season to get out of the blocks and down the road. not this year.

the off season has been a sad beginning for some of us old timers. sad because something a few of us have been yammering about for a number of years is finally out in the open. and in the light of day it is just as bad or worse than we imagined.

though in hindsight i suppose allegiances were never as much of a part of the college game as we had thought. allegiances, like in the pros, where buckets of money are trotted out and the fan is left wondering what truck just ran over him and what’s that hole doing over there where my team used to be?

yeah, kids, college football is at the brink. it is standing on the edge of the grand canyon and about ready to leap off into space and land on top of a huge pile of money, or more to the point, the super conferences. we dodged that bullet this past summer. although for a time it looked like that deal was going to go down. thankfully it didn’t. however, the ground work has been laid by the greedy humps and scoundrels in their once ivory towers. as they plot and salivate at the future and the boat loads of money associated with said future. money they can set fire to and squander. the fans be damned. full speed ahead. there’s money money money to be made.

that bullet we dodged a few months ago is still speeding on it’s path.unfortunately gravity has no affect on the super conference bullet. it is heading straight toward a point where it will ricochet and head back at us and into the heart of the sport we love. the holy grail of the regents and deans alike is the green carrot TV holds in front of them. sadly, it’s only a matter of time.

yeah, college football is here. it seems that i have another year or so before the greed heads get their way and ruin my sport forever. they’ve sown the seeds for it’s destruction. i guess i can salvage something out of this mess and season we are heading into. however, my heart just can’t seem to get behind it. perhaps when the season gets rolling that may change. i don’t know. time tells.

once again i’ll be doing ten games per week. ten games that i have some interest in or games that have some sort of national significance. or then again maybe not. but for sure, games i have an interest in watching or in the outcome.

so, to paraphrase president lyndon johnson, it is with a heavy heart i come to you today with my first week of college football predictions for the 2010 season.

as usual, this is for fun only and using the stupidity i dish out here for monetary gain would be total insanity on your part. save your money for more important stuff like food and rent. only fools bet on football games.

i’m also writing and hanging this up a bit early. there aren’t any points spreads up as yet. i do have a life and no time early in the coming week for filtering through the stuff and then dealing with it. so, i’m just doing straight up picks with no spread this week. also due to said life, this might be the theme of the whole season this year. we shall see.

so begins the autumnal equinox of my discontent.

numbers in parentheses indicate preseason AP poll rankings.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/2 pittsburgh(15) at utah. the first game of the season for me on TV and thankfully it should be a good one. pitt should run all over utah in more ways than one. the only thing utah has going for them in this game is it is at home. i wish i had a spread for this one but…i don’t. take pittsburgh to win.

9/2 usc(14) at hawaii. the trojans travel to the land of the trade winds and sun, among other stuff. if they can keep their mind on the game at hand they should have no trouble with the warriors. take usc to win.

9/4 jacksonville st at mississippi. ole miss looks strong again this year and with the addition of jeremiah masoli at the qb spot they just might crack the top 10 and maybe even higher if masoli can stay out of trouble and play football instead. i for one hope the young man does just that. this one just should be a fun game to watch if you’re a fan of offense. well, on the part of ole miss. take ole miss to win.

9/4 purdue at notre dame. an interesting early season match up for both teams. a new coach at the home of the dome. another game where i’d like a spread. though i figure the golden domers to be favored i’m taking purdue to win.

9/4 new mexico at oregon(11). my beloved ducks start the season at home against the place where i hope i end up living one of these days. be that as it may, new mexico is in for it on the 4th. duck home crowd and 18 returning starters. it doesn’t get much better. take the ducks to win. on a side note, depending on the spread when it comes out you may want to cast aside my sage advice and double down on the ducks. yes, they have a qb problem with the departure of masoli. just don’t get too stupid. QUACK QUACK.

9/4 oregon st(24) at tcu(6). a fine game to be sure. watch it. i’ve gone back and forth on this one. the beavers are my pick to win the pac 10 this year. that is if the brothers rodgers stay healthy. tcu will probably be favored. i’m taking oregon st. honk honk i’m a pac 10 homer.

9/4 washington at byu. another good one here, kids. the huskies make a statement. take washington to win.

9/4 wisconsin(12) at unlv. i’m a bit confused as to why i picked this game. maybe because the badgers are supposed to be good again this year. yeah, that must be it. take them to win.

9/5 smu at texas tech. the red raiders have a new coach. smu has coach june jones. take smu to win. and as always pay a visit to: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu

9/6 boise st(3) at virginia tech(10). big first game for both schools and a fine way to end a labor day weekend of college ball. boise st has a lot on the line here being tech and oregon st are the only schools on their schedule this year that can actually play good football. the boys of the smurf turf will probably be favored. and it will be a fun game with no sucker punches at the end of the game no matter who wins. however, take viginia tech to win.

there it is my first weeks picks. once i got rolling on the writing the juices began to flow a bit. maybe i can get into this year after all. there are only a couple more left. be smart and be safe over the holiday weekend. yes, i know you’re now confused.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 2

first off, why is it big time schools feel the need to waste the first week or two of the season playing small time schools? small time schools with small time football programs that will never be big time in either regard. just a thought.

I’m writing this a bit early so all of the results are not in as yet. if i get the last two games right i’ll be at 50%. not good considering i didn’t even use the spreads. any the ways, one bright light was the duck’s game. just like i told you, spread or no spread, that was the game to spend your rent money on. another would be jeremiah masoli got a reprieve from the ncaa and gets to play for ole miss. though it didn’t do them or me any good on saturday.

i’m using the point spreads this week. i may as well considering how badly i did laast week. it couldn’t get much worse. or could it?

remember this is for fun and using anything i say here and taking it to vegas or your local tony soprano would be totally stupid, and in the last instance, illegal. what is here is here. if the points change during the week i don’t care, i go by what i have here and now.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/11 georgia at s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 2.5 points. this one is simple. georgia ran all over a school i never heard of before. s. carolina beat a school who on occasion can be a spoiler. take s. carolina to win.

9/11 colorado at california. cal favored by 8 points. cal comes off a win against a glorified high school team. colorado beat a semi sorta at times decent colorado st. the only reason i’m taking cal and coach tedford here is that it’s a home game for them. cal wins.

9/11 florida st at oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 8.5 points. sec vs big 12. the sooners need this one. home game. take the sooners.

9/11 michigan at notre dame. notre dame favored by 4.5 points. i wasn’t too impressed with either schools play last week. one of those must wins for big blue. take michigan to win.

9/11 miami fl at ohio st. ohio st favored by 10 points. the first big test for the buckeyes and a game to watch. take ohio st to win.

9/11 utah at unlv. utah favored by 22.5 points. utah in a needs to win mode in order to maintain momentum and a shot at a good BCS spot. unlv ain’t that shabby. good game. might be too many points. however, take utah to win.

9/11 oregon at tennessee. oregon favored by 13.5 points. both schools ran over a couple of junior high school teams last week. the first real test of the season for both of them. i think it will be close and the ducks should win. take them. QUACK QUACK.

9/11 penn st at alabama. alabama favored by 11.5 points. both schools impressive with wins last week against so so programs. home game and the tide should roll against joe pa and his boys. take bama to win.

9/11 stanford at ucla. stanford favored by 7 points. stanford easily beat one of the junior high school teams everyone seems to play the first week or two of the season. the bruins came close to beating kansas st but made a few too many mistakes. take stanford to win.

9/11 virginia at usc. usc favored by 18 points. virginia not that impressive against “one of those schools”. usc’s defense missed the plane ride to hawaii or if they did catch the plane, stayed at the hotel to play in the pool with the oiled up japanese tourista babes. not a bad idea on it’s face. but, hey, it’s football season, kids. and time to stop screwing around. hopefully, the new guys get it together and the defense shows up this week. another one of the games where it might be too many points. regardless, take the trojans to win.

another early week for me. stuff happening and monkey wrenches already being tossed into the works. i won’t be here for the next few weeks.
a road trip is on the books. just remember to keep it fun and keep your money in your wallets where it belongs. enjoy the games.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 3

sitting on a park bench.  five little girls with bad intent.  hey, aqualung…one of my all time favorite guitar breaks…god, tangents already.  i know i said i’d be gone this week and next.  however, through the good graces of the girl, here i am pounding out this weeks picks from a motel room deep in the heart of new mexico.  just a solid king jack 1 iron away from the rio grande river.  pretty damn sweet if you ask me.  props to the girl for saying i need to do this for week 3 and next week for number four.  yes, even while on vacation.

‘scuse me while i sip some absolut and rocks.  ok.  last week was stellar with 9 for 10 making up for a pretty damn dismal week 1 and a lack bloody luster 3 for 10.  so, over all i’m 12 for 20.  nothing to brag about but above 50%.

rolling thunder and monsoonal rain pounds outside while bright gashes of liquid light hit the early evening sky.  this i gotta watch.  shades of nam and long ago echo deep.  time out.

as always, anything i dish out here is just for fun.  taking anything i say and making book on it would be suicidal at best.  rent.  food.  and vino money come first.  capisco?  good.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/17  california at nevada.  cal favored by 3.  3?  ok, hmmm.  tedford and the boys fall on hard times?  so it would seem.  yeah, ok, alright.  take nevada to cover or win.  wolves home turf.

9/18  washington st at smu.  smu favored by 22.5 points.  plenty points, kimosabe.  prolly too many.  take the cougars and the pac 10.  washington st covers the spread.  yeah, it’s june jones but smu was not impressive last week.  plus the cougars can’t play whipping boy every week.

9/18  washington at nebraska.  nebraska favored by 3.5 points.  yes, it’s a pac 10 homer’s week.  so sue me.  it might be the vodka, vacation, or the electricity in the air but take the huskies not the huskers.  washington wins. 

9/18  byu at florida st.  florida st favored by 9.5 points.  sadly, this ain’t byu’s year.  another loss.  take florida st to win and cover.

9/18  usc at minnesota.  usc favored by 14 points.  14?  crap.  the lane kiffen humps couldn’t manage the spread last week and i wonder if they can this week.  i don’t think so.  take minnesota to cover the spread.

9/18  arizona st at wisconsin.  wisconsin favored by 14 points.  home game badgers.  the smell of roses in the air.  take wisconsin to win and cover.

9/18  louisville at oregon st.  oregon st favored by 18.  a bunch of points but the brothers rodgers still rule.  home game.  take the beaves to roll on.

9/18  notre dame at michigan st.  state favored by 3.5 points.  go spartans.  the domers seem hapless.  i could be wrong but take michigan st.

9/ 18  texas at texas tech.  texas favored by 3.  pretty much a toss up. screw it.  take the red raiders to win and cover.  and as always please visit, http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu

9/18  iowa at arizona.  iowa favored by 2.  in a different year this could be the pre-rose bowl deal.  not this time.  arizona isn’t going to be there.   iowa on the other hand just might be.  2 points.  way toss up. too much early late summer southwestern heat for the boys of the corn.  the sun devils cover or win.  arizona, take em.

there ya go, kids.  week 3 picks.  as always, keep your money in your wallet and nobody gets hurt.  enjoy the games.  the season will be over before you know it.  me?  heading out again to watch the light show and sip some more swedish nectar.  salute.

jmh                 

     

2010 college football predictions week 4

this is the un-edited vacation edition of this weeks picks. jmh

after a not so stellar week 3′s 4 for 10 i plod on as usual.  a good week in that i did pick the majority of the winners but some of the humps couldn’t manage covering the spread.  a sad deal indeed.  but the sad fate of the football wagering dumb ass. 

so, 4 for 10 last week.  16 for 30 overall.  a shade over 50% and a number i’ll take at this point.  just remember anything i yammer on about here is just for fun.  taking said yammering and going to vegas or some obscure native american casino that has a sports book and using your rent money or mortgage money on some sort of weird ass parlay would be stupid at best.

just remember, for fun, and if the odds or spread changes it matters not as i use what is here for who wins or doesn’t.  capisco?  i can only hope.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/24  tcu at smu.  tcu favored by 18 points.  yeah, probably.  however, there is that possibility that 18 might be too many points.  screw it, june jones or not, take tcu to win and cover.

9/25  virginia tech at boston college.  virginia favored by 4 points.  home game.  take the other catholic school to win or cover.

9/25  ucla at texas.  texas favored by 16.5 points.  last week the bruins showed some class and football magic over houston.  tell you what, texas wins but not by 16.5 points.  take ucla to cover.

9/25  alabama at arkansas.  bama favored by 7.5 points.  this is an early big time match-up.  the tide rolls on.  but it won’t be easy.  the back brain screams take the hogs but no deal there.  bama wins and covers.

9/25  oregon st at boise st.  boise st favored by 16.5 points.  the last gasp at stopping the smurf turf and some sort of dumb ass move into a big dance title game.  the brothers rodgers shine.  the beaves may lose but they will at least get into that 16.5 points.  take the beavers, kids.

9/25  stanford at notre dame.  the golden domers favored by 4.5 points.  stanford is one of the under achievers this year.  perhaps the domers as well.  time for the cardinal to step it up.  yeah, crap.  take stanford to win or cover.

9/25  nevada at byu.  nevada favored by 5.5 points.  not a year for byu.  a year for nevada reno.  simple enough.  however, perhaps the smart money would be on byu.  since when have i been smart?  exactly.  take nevada to win and or cover.

9/25  w. virginia at lsu.  lsu favored by 8 points.  i’m a bit surprised lsu is only favored by the 8 points.  oh well, take lsu to win and cover.

9/25  california at arizona.  arizona favored by 6.5 points.  writing this from a motel room just south of flagstaff in the heat and lingering monsoonal bullshit of the southwest, the wildcats will thump tedford and his boys.  take it to the bank.  arizona wins and or covers. 

9/25  oregon at arizona st.  the ducks favored by 10.5 points.  yeah, the lingering heat and monsoon remain here in az.  with any luck at all none of that matters and the ducks roll on and over one of the bottom dwellers of the pac 10.  it just might be too many points…but screw it, ducks win and or cover.  GO DUCKS.  QUACK QUACK!!

another stellar week of college football, kids.  don’t miss it because it will be over before you know it.  the precious season, college football. gone and done in the wink of an eye.  not like the nba or even mlb that plod on and on and on and on ad nauseam.  screw that.  the nba in particular.  and the coming nfl 18 game season as well.

ok.  yeah, i’m an old dumb ass old guy.  your point?  just as i thought, there is none.  enjoy the games and leave your money in your wallet where it belongs and you’ll come out smelling like a rose.  some good stuff on the board this week, savory it.  the eye blinks and it’s gone.

jmh               

2010 college football predictions week 5

the hard part of dealing with college football and making picks against the spread isn’t picking the winners. the hard part is the damn point spread and winning teams not covering said spread. that might not make much sense but it is what it is, especially after last weekends games.

last week i went 5 for 10. putting me at 21 for 40 for the season. no bells or whistles there or fireworks for that matter but above 50%. if i could get up to around 60% i might be able to get paid for doing this. and my google quotient would move me up to the first page rather than page 3 or 4. be that as it may, most of the teams i picked last week won but didn’t cover the spread. however, my one shinning moment from last week was my ucla pick. kids, you should have seen that one coming.

just remember this is for fun only. using the drivel and insanity written here for monetary gain would be the ultimate definition of stupid and insane. leave your money in your wallet and you won’t get hurt or forced from your current residence. the point spread used here may change during the week. i don’t care. what i have here is what i go by to determine my wins and losses.

i had a semi hard time picking my 10 games this week. at least most of the schools have stopped playing high school and/or junior college teams and are into their conference schedules with the exception of boise st, of course. all that being said, time to…

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/30 texas a&m at oklahoma st. oklahoma st favored by 3 points. home game take the cowboys to win or cover.

10/2 navy at air force. air force favored by 10 points. i hope i get to watch this game. navy was supposed to be the or one of the independent darlings this year. so far the jury is still out on that deal. air force was under the radar. however, they are playing very well and the run and gun of the old wac still lives in colorado springs. but, and it’s a big but(no pun intended) they had a hard time with wyoming last week. inter military rivalry going for it here. navy needs this one big time. take navy to at least cover the spread.

10/2 michigan at indiana. michigan favored by 11 points. maybe a bit too many points for big blue but i’m taking michigan to win or cover.

10/2 texas at oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 4 points. i’m quite sure the sting of the bruin win still lingers deep in austin. another big time rivalry and anything can happen. texas recovers and wins or covers.

10/2 wisconsin at michigan st. wisconsin favored by 1 point. pretty much a toss up. one lonely point for the home team. another one to watch. take the spartans to win.

10/2 arizona st at oregon st. oregon st favored by 4 points. the beavers need this to stay on track for the pac 10 championship. home game and the brothers rodgers. take oregon st to win and or cover.

10/2 washington at usc. usc favored by 10.5 points. the trojans on a roll and should continue that futile roll. they win or cover. take em.

10/2 florida at alabama. bama favored by 9 points. bama won by a nose last week but didn’t cover. hopefully, they do win and cover this week. take the tide to roll.

10/2 penn st at iowa. iowa favored by 7.5 points. good game if penn st shows up for it. take iowa to win and cover.

10/2 stanford at oregon. oregon favored by 7 points. another good one to watch. the ducks will have their hands full but home games are a rock concert in eugene. Quack Quack. however, take stanford to at least cover.

enjoy the games. if you don’t get too stupid out by the barbie and ice chest. or in vegas. things will turn out alright. trust me.

if you enjoy reading this blog please visit one of my musician friends site: here.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 6

this past weekends games proved there might be a few maybes or might be’s coming up in the second half of the season. for me, the most obvious being the oregon ducks are much more powerful than i first thought. and coach kelly is a better coach than i thought as well. or so it would seem, this despite the fact looks can be deceiving concerning kelly and his dumb ass visor. yes, a small matter. next we have jake locker and the huskies. someone must have finally reminded jake that he is or was a heisman candidate. was is probably more like it but none the less it’s good to see the kid finally living up to the hype. in the spirit of my old days, it’s time for a run on paragraph. the huskies certainly have the trojan’s number as well and will probably continue to ring their bell in the foreseeable future. stanford on the other hand ran up against a brick wall of duck feathers and missed their chance at a shot at the pac 10 title. oregon st might not be as good as i thought. however, i’m still more or less thinking the pac 10 title will be decided with the “civil war” game against the ducks on december 4th. stanford and the huskies possibly playing spoiler for either team.

all that being said, i’m here a bit early this week due to my semi annual trip up into the central valley and the heart of darkness. with it being early all the odds aren’t in yet for the coming week. no matter, as what i do have here will determine, as always, my wins and losses for all the games this week.

as for last week i went a semi miserable 5 for 10 making my over all stats a similarly miserable 26 for 50. still above 50% but floundering a bit due to some of my picks not being able to grasp the concept of covering the point spread. what’s up with that? also, remember this is for fun only and using any of the drivel dished out here for monetary gain would be stupid and moronic on your part.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/7 nebraska at kansas st. nebraska favored by 12 points. a good one to kick off the weekend. nebraska should win but take kansas st to cover the spread. that’s probably a dumb move but i’m going to stick with it.

10/9 alabama at s. carolina. alabama favored by 7.5 points. not an easy road game to be sure for bama. however, take the tide to win and cover.

10/9 lsu at florida. florida favored by 7.5 points. speaking of floundering, you need to take the gators to win and cover after lsu’s last game.

10/9 oregon st at arizona. oregon st favored by 8.5 points. the beavs need to play much better than they did last week. hopefully, they will. take them to win and cover.

10/9 ucla at california. cal favored by 8 points. time for the bruins and some of their texas mojo to surface again. take the bruins to cover the spread or win.

10/9 michigan st at michigan. michigan favored by 4.5 points. michigan covers and wins.

10/9 utah at iowa st. utah favored by 7 points. this might be a really good game, kids. take utah to win and cover.

10/9 usc at stanford. stanford favored by 8. that is interesting. i’m wondering just how long it’s been since the trojans have not been favored to win a game? time for the trees and a statement. take stanford to win but usc covers the spread. in other words i’m taking the trojans.

10/9 toledo at boise st. boise st favored by 39.5 points. the smurf turf team steamrollers onward. apparently toledo has won some games so far this year. against whom i haven’t a clue. no one anybody has heard of i’m sure. the spread is a boat load of points. take toledo to get thumped but they will cover the spread. hopefully.

10/9 san jose st at nevada. nevada favored by 38.5 points. another boat load of points. southern idaho and northern nevada inundated by points this week. the wolf pack are seemingly the only team left to stop the smurf turf juggernaut this season. time tells and i’m getting ahead of myself and the season. take nevada to win and cover.

there ya go. another fine week of picks. just remember to leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. i may or may not be here with my week 7 picks as i’ll still be on the road looking for colonel kurtz. however, if i am here it will be very special indeed. check back to see what happens. thanks for reading.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 8

ok, i’m back at it after my road trip up into northern california and northern nevada.  a nice respite if that’s what you want to call it.  however, way too much alcohol and basque food were consumed while on the journey into the heart of darkness.  be that as it may, it’s time to get back in the college football saddle and rip into this weeks picks.

my week 6 picks were worse than dismal.  the word horrific comes to mind as i was 2 for 10.  ouch.  so, over all i now stand at 28 for 60 having missed week 7.  sitting just under .500 is not a good thing and i’ll see what i can do about that this week. 

just remember this is for fun.  and obviously if you are using what i dish out and taking it to some sort of book you’re losing your shirt.  though even with my sad percentage i’m still picking at least one good upset a week.  yes, i know.  just don’t get stupid and dump food and rent money down the drain.       

the first BCS poll came out this past sunday.  it was trotted out like some gelding with a decent lineage who has a shot at the triple crown.  all i’m going to say about the BCS poll is, it’s very early and it ain’t over till the fat lady limps off stage with another stunning upset and bosie st finally plays some real teams other than cheap juco joints with glorified high school athletes.  so sue me.

also, i pick the games that interest me.  they may not interest you.  i don’t care.  do your own picks.  the spreads used here are what i go by, if they change over the week, too bad.  my wins and losses are figured by what i have here.   

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/21  ucla at oregon.  my beloved ducks favored by 21.5 points.  probably the best game of the week.  and it’s on a thursday night in eugene with a national TV audience.  pretty sweet.  the ducks will ramp stuff up or at least they had better as slick rick and norm roll into autzen stadium and the pure pandemonium.  barring anything untoward the ducks should win and cover.  the bruins might surprise and get close but no cigar.  thankfully, the ducks aren’t on top of the BCS poll or more to the point, the one that matters.  take the ducks.  QUACK QUACK!!

10/23  notre dame at navy.  the golden domers favored by 6.5 points.  navy didn’t look very good last week.  the irish looked good beating one of those juco schools that boise is famous for running over.  i don’t see the spread.  navy holds it’s head up and either wins outright or covers the points.  take the goats.

10/23  michigan st at northwestern.  michigan st favored by 6.5 points.  the spartans aren’t getting much love this week as well.  fine, the farmers don’t need it(thanks, cross).  take state to win and cover.       

10/23  oklahoma at missouri.  the sooners favored by 3 points.  pretty much a tossup here, kids.  does the number 1 team fall again this week?  or has the bad juju gone the way of the dodo?  probably not.  take missouri to cover or win.

10/23  wisconsin at iowa.  iowa favored by 5 points.  no love for the badgers as well.  this one comes down to coaching on their part.  take wisconsin to step up and win or cover.

10/23  lsu at auburn.  the other bama favored by 6 points.  this one should go the way of the bama tigers.  take the home team six and run with it. auburn wins and covers.

10/23  nebraska at oklahoma st.  the cornhuskers favored by 6.  nebraska should take care of biz this week though the cowboys are ready to rumble.  never the less, take nebraska to win and cover.

10/23  alabama at tennessee.  the crimson tide favored by 16.5.  bama received their wake-up call while i was in elko slurping up excess absolut, vino, picon punch, and various forms of lamb.  hopefully, that call was taken and the snooze button ignored.  take bama to win and cover.  ROLL TIDE!!

10/23  air force at tcu.  tcu favored by 19.5.  tell you what, pilgrim, time for the falcons to prove a point and make a statement.  they may not win but air force will cover the spread.  take air force.

10/23  washington at arizona.  arizona favored by 7 points.  pac 10 predominance and post season pride at stake in the desert southwest.  a good game and a fine way to end my saturday of football.  arizona is good but the huskies are on a roll and jake locker will be the deciding factor. take the huskies to win and or cover. 

enjoy the games and leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt.  one more thing before i leave.  shame on Fox Sports for their shake down of the Dish network here in so cal.  a pox on both of your houses.  Fox for being greedy and Dish for not showing games on prime ticket and FSN.  i missed the trojan game because of you tools last weekend.  lord knows who we’ll miss this week.  work it out, ass holes.   

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 9

week 8 was one of those spot on weeks when you know things are going your way early.  i’ll take one of those weeks anytime.  plus, i had 3 upset wins.  always a good thing.  the stats for the week are 8 for 10 making me 36 for 70 over all, having missed week 7 while out on the road.  being slightly above .500 again is also a good thing.  hopefully, this weeks picks will be just as spot on.

as always, this is for fun only.  if you are dumb enough to use what i dish out here and take it someplace where you can use your rent and food money to place a bet, you deserve whatever bad things happen to you.  leave your money in your wallet and nobody gets hurt.

the BCS nightmare continues to plod along.  auburn jumps the ducks for number one.  fine for now.  tcu moves up as well.  boise stays put or i think they did.  at any rate, i don’t want to see tcu vs boise in III or IV or whatever the damn number is again.  how many times can they play that game?  it’s still relatively early and things will change.  thankfully, that i am sure of.

remember my wins and losses are based on the spreads i have here.  if the odds change it makes no difference to me.  just like going to the big boys and placing a bet.  your ticket states whatever the points were when you bought it.  not what they may or may not end up being.  huh?  right.  time to…

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/30  california at oregon st.  oregon st favored by 3 points.  depending on which cal team shows up for the game this one might be of interest.  the beaves need this one to stay on track for winning the pac 10.  and more to the point, full filling my pre-season prediction that they would do so.  the bears are hot stuff one week and the next like that luke warm hair ball, courtesy of the cat, you step on first thing in the morning.  if you look up the word schizophrenia you’ll find a photo of this years cal team next to the definition.  and it’s about time for their usual late october early november swoon.  you also need to factor in the fact that coach tedford just can’t seem to keep any cal team together once november rolls around. though that seems to have come to pass a bit earlier this year.  rabid cal alumni are screaming for his head on a platter.  one of them is a relative of mine.  and he’s been screaming that for a couple of years.  i digress.  sadly, the brothers rodgers are down by half.  but hopefully jaquizz will more than make up for it.  so, what does it all mean?  it means that in the spirit of algore and global warming, the bears will drive up to oregon in an old beat up yellow school bus and arrive just in time for kick off.  then get their butts kicked up and down the field by oregon st.  take the beavers to win and cover.

10/30  arizona at ucla.  arizona favored by 9.5 points.  it’s been raining here off and on for at least a week.  i’ve lost track.  it’s supposed to rain some more this weekend beginning friday.  so much for the la nina prediction.  lord, i’m turning this into a weather channel forecast.  veering.  i don’t think the wildcats will run all over the bruins like the ducks did but none the less, take the points and arizona to win and cover.

10/30  texas tech at texas a&m.  texas a&m favored by 5.5 points.  out on a limb here but take the red raiders of texas tech to cover the spread and/or win.  as always, please visit the vietnam war archive at: http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu 

10/30  missouri at nebraska.  nebraska favored by 7 points.  despite missouri doing a number on oklahoma last week they receive no love from the odds makers this time around.  fine.  take mizzou to win or cover the spread.

10/30  michigan st at iowa.  iowa favored by 6 points.  this is one of those take the home team 6 and run with it deals.  iowa wins and or covers the spread.

10/30  auburn at mississippi.  auburn favored by 7 points.  this will be an early bowl game or perhaps the only bowl game for ole miss this season.  it might also prove to be some sort of redemption game for former duck, jeremiah masoli.  number one may fall again.  take ole miss to at least cover the spread and maybe win.   

10/30  stanford at washington.  stanford favored by 7.5 points.  take stanford to win and cover. 

10/30  utah at air force.  utah favored by 7.5 points.  air force got drubbed by tcu last week.  a sad thing to watch and i did.  off and on.  utah has both a point and a statement that need to be made.  take utah to win and or cover the spread.

10/30  oregon at usc.  oregon favored by 6.5 points.  my two favorite teams duke it out here in lala land with maybe even some rain for the ducks to waddle around and about in.  yes, yet another preposition at the end of a sentence.  sue me.  i’ve gone back and forth with my school t-shirt wearing this week.  like today, i’m in a usc t-shirt.  and i’ll probably be wearing one on saturday as well.  kids, this is where my beloved ducks take a fall.  the trojans have had two weeks to prepare for the ducks.  a good thing.  the trojans were supposed to have a killer defense this year.  so far that half of the team has missed the damn bus to the stadium a few times.  they won’t this week.  the offense?  they’ve stepped up and played lights out most of the year.  the trojans aren’t going anywhere in the post season.  no bowl games for them for a couple of years.  thanks, coach petey.  this is the trojan’s bowl game.  this is also the trojan’s season statement game.  and if lane kiffen is any kind of a coach at all usc will win or cover the spread.  take usc.  (for all of my friends up in oregon, QUACK QUACK!! will return next week.  however, for this week…) FIGHT ON USC!!

utah at nevada.  nevada favored by 5.5 points.  i picked this game because nevada is back in the top 25 once again after falling out a few weeks ago.  they remain as the only probable team left on boise st’s schedule to have a shot at stopping the broncos steamroller this year.  i hope they do just that.  however, for this week, take nevada to win and cover.

there ya go.  another weeks worth of picks and vapid verbosity.  take it or leave it.  enjoy the games and don’t get to crazy out by the barbie.  and in the immortal words of ex mothers drummer, jimmy carl black, “where’s my waitress?  opal, you hot little…”

jmh   

2010 college football predictions week 10

after a semi sort of dismal past week and having succumbed to bout of some virus or another, it’s time again for my weekly college picks.  last week was a would of could of type weekend.  two of my teams won but didn’t cover the spread.  a sad thing to be sure.  so i went, 4 for 10 last week making me 40 for 80 over all, with no week 7.  back at .500, which is ok and not ok at the same time. 

once again, just remember that this is for fun only and not meant for you to use as betting advice.  come on, i’m only at 50%.  get a clue.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.  the spreads quoted here are what i go by to determine my wins and losses.  they may change over the week but no matter.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/6  arizona at stanford.  stanford favored by 8 points.  whoever wins this one more or less eliminates the other’s chance at the pac 10 title.  however, that being said, strange stuff does happen.  this should be a pretty decent game regardless.  take stanford.  they should win and cover.

10/6  washington at oregon.  oregon favored by 28 points.  28 points would be a ton under most circumstances and as the trojans can testify, you can score a bunch yourself and still lose to the ducks.  plus, coach lane didn’t have a clue as to how to stop them.  neither does coach sark. and the huskies aren’t going to score very many points.  count on that.  their great preseason expectations have gone the way of the dodo.  take the ducks to win and cover.  QUACK QUACK!!

10/6  alabama at lsu.  bama favored by 6.5 points.  the tide is on a roll again.  take the tide to win and cover.  ROLL TIDE!!

10/6  hawaii at boise st.  boise st favored by 22.5 points.  the warriors are one of the last remaining teams that have a shot at stopping the broncos and their dream of a BCS big dance game in glendale, az come january.  boise st is very tough at home on the blue smurf turf.  call me crazy but take those points and hawaii.  hawaii covers the spread and hopefully wins.

10/6  nebraska at iowa st.  nebraska favored by 19.  the cornhuskers seem to be back from the brink of a crappy season.  really?  well, not this week.  take iowa st to cover the spread and maybe even win.

10/6  tcu at utah.  tcu favored by 6 points.  probably the premiere game of the week.  and the last time these two schools meet in the regular season unless they schedule something down the road.  be that as it may, the two defensive powers will be fun to watch.  and probably the only time this year or any other you’ll hear me say that.  take the utes to win and/or cover the spread.

10/6  baylor at oklahoma st.  oklahoma st favored by 7 points.  baylor one of the surprise teams this season.  no matter.  take the cowboys to win and cover.

10/6  oregon st at ucla.  oregon st favored by 6 points.  no love for the beavers with that spread.  oregon st is still on track to win the pac 10 because the other schools will knock each other out of the picture and when state beats the ducks in december that will seal the deal.  take the beavers to win and cover.

10/6  arkansas at s. carolina.  s. carolina favored by 3 points.  a toss up.  take the old ball coach and give the points.  s. carolina wins and covers.

10/6  oklahoma at texas a&m.  oklahoma favored by 4 points.  almost a toss up.  screw it.  take a&m to cover the spread and possibly win.

another fine weekend of the best team sport going.  don’t get too crazy and enjoy the games while you can.  fire up the barbie drop a few cold ones.  enjoy.

jmh   

2010 college football predictions week 11

so much for my early season prediction that the oregon st beavers would win the pac 10 championship this year.  after losing to the semi hapless bruins on saturday they have pretty much sealed their fate to also ran status in the pac 10.  the future pac 10 team, utah, may want to check their mail early today because the invitation to join that other league might have been rescinded due to their poor showing against tcu.  though in their defense, it’s something no one saw coming.  probably not even tcu.

all that being said, i held my head above water yet again.  5 for 10 with a couple of good upset picks.  my over all stats for the year are now at 45 for 90, having missed week 7.  .500, if i was playing baseball i’d be a hall of famer.

as always these picks are for fun only.  using anything i dish out here and taking it to someone who would accept your rent and food money as a bet would be insanity at best.  leave you money in your wallet and nobody gets hurt.  the point spreads here are what i go by to determine my wins and losses.  if the numbers change during the week, no matter.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/13  wisconsin at indiana.  wisconsin favored by 21 points.  the badgers need to roll over the hoosiers big time for any chance at an invite to a decent big dance game.  take wisconsin to win and cover.

11/13  iowa at northwestern.  iowa favored by 12 points.  the same thing can be said of the hawkeyes or see above.  take iowa to win and cover.

11/13  utah at notre dame.  utah favored by 5.5 points.  a not very good year for the domers is turning into one of those nightmare deals on any number of levels.  the utes on the other hand need to bounce back from the humiliating drubbing that tcu handed them last weekend.  time to show some character utah.  take utah to win and cover.

11/13  penn st at ohio st.  ohio st favored by 17 points.  despite the fact joe pa got number 400 last week after his boys turned it around in the second half for the win, take ohio st to win and cover.

11/13  san diego st at tcu.  tcu favored by 27 points.  under normal circumstances i’d stay away from this game.  however, these aren’t normal circumstances for san diego st these days.  they are finally playing like they used to play in the old wac days.  i think the conquistadors will have a decent and maybe even a surprising showing against tcu.  or that’s the hope.  take san diego st and the points (it’s a bunch) as they will cover the spread and maybe even win.

11/13  texas a&m at baylor.  texas a&m favored by 3 points.  a semi sorta sleeper game here.  both schools playing some good and surprising ball this year.  a game i hope i get a chance to watch.  take the aggies of texas to win and cover.

11/13  stanford at arizona st.  stanford favored by 6.5 points.  the trees roll onward and leland is one happy dead camper.  take stanford to win and cover.

11/13  oregon at california.  oregon favored by 20 points.  it took the ducks a quarter or two to get rolling last week.  something they probably can’t afford doing with a schizoid cal team that’s 4-0 at home.  a big game for the bears and the ducks need to be ready.  take the ducks to win and cover.  QUACK QUACK!!!!

11/13  usc at arizona.  arizona favored by 5.5 points.  time for the trojans to drop a nail in the big dance coffin of the wildcats.  come on lane, show us faithful you’re actually a really good coach.  take the trojans to at least cover and maybe even win.  FIGHT ON!!!!

11/13  nevada at fresno st.  nevada favored by 9.5 points.  a tune-up game for the wolfpack against a once again decent fresno st team.  a tune-up for the upcoming boise/nevada game.  this could be a fun game to watch.  take nevada to win and cover.

astute readers will have already noticed that i’ve picked all but one of the visiting teams to win this week.  i wonder what’s up with that?  poor joe pa.  have some fun this weekend and enjoy the games.  the season is almost over and we’re getting to the nut cutting as the saying goes.  also, on the bcs bowl horizon, strange things are going to happen if things remain the same.  and you aren’t going to like them if they do actually go down.  count on it.  enjoy your weekend.   

jmh     

2010 college football predictions week 12

after doing this for 10 weeks i remain at .500.  i’m certain i can do better but when things go wrong out on the field there isn’t anything i can do about it.  well, except yell at the TV.  take for example utah’s plight.  an 8 and 0 start then veered off the road and into the abyss with 2 straight losses or more to the point thumpings.  poor coaching and a lack of senior leadership being the probable causes.  you can only stand by and watch as a good team goes sour.  another example would be oregon st.  beat by washington st?  please.

so, 5 for 10 and 50 for 100 over all, having missed week 7.  it’s late in the season and some teams just can’t seem to grasp winning and beating the spread at the same time.  what’s a poor boy to do?  exactly.  this is only for fun.  do not use what i dish out here and take it someplace where you can put your rent and food money on the line.  doing so would be foolish and insane at best.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.   

the point spreads cited here are what i use to determine my wins and losses.  they may be different come game day.  no matter.  time to get the point and why we’re here.

rock ‘n’ roll.   

11/19  fresno st at boise st.  boise st favored by 30 points.  sadly, this game is on the blue smurf turf of boise.  sad because boise st never loses at home.  i desperately need boise st to lose a game this year if only to get them out of the big dance picture.  fresno st is doing so so this season, they aren’t going to win but take the bulldogs to hopefully cover the spread.

11/20  purdue at michigan st.  michigan st favored by 20 points.  the spartans are on a roll and have a shot at winning the big ten and playing new years day in the rose bowl.  a bit convoluted as just how that could happen.  it’s all a bunch of ifs and other stuff which i’m not going to get into here.  purdue might surprise saturday but not win.  take purdue to cover the spread.

11/20  wisconsin at michigan.  wisconsin favored by 5.5 points.  the badgers scored at will last week.  even the third string was racking up points.  they are also in the same boat as the spartans.  hopefully, that same badger offense shows up for this game.  take wisconsin to win and cover the spread.

11/20  virginia tech at miami(fl).  virginia tech favored by 2 points.  pretty much a toss up.  take miami to win and or cover.

11/20  stanford at california.  stanford favored by 7.5 points.  the cal bears are tough at home.  just ask the ducks.  at any rate, this is northern californians version of a crosstown rivalry.  stanford needs the win to keep any hope alive for some sort of big dance game.  i just don’t see the bears putting back to back big games together.  it seems like years since they have.  take stanford to win and cover.

11/20  ohio st at iowa.  ohio st favored by 3 points.  ohio st is another one in the big ten big game hunt.  iowa used to be in that hunt as well.  take ohio st to win and cover.

11/20  illinois at northwestern.  illinois favored by 7 points.  the only reason this game is here is because it’s being played in the friendly confines of wrigley field.  the first football game there in many a year. a gimmick for sure but whatever.  i hope it’s on TV.  yes, there’s alos a game this week at yankee stadium.  never did like the yankees.  at any rate, take illinois to win and cover.

11/20  usc at oregon st.  usc favored by 3.5 points.  it seems as though the beavers have given up.  getting beat by washington st, the pac 10 doormat, last week would be a good sign that they have.  the trojans on the other hand are having some fun probation or not.  take the trojans to win and cover.  FIGHT ON!!!

11/20  nebraska at texas a&m.  nebraska favored by 3 points.  the texas aggies are on a mission.  take the aggies to win and or cover. 

11/20  utah at san diego st.  utah favored by 3 points.  last week i mis-identified san diego st as the conquistadors.  wrong san diego team.  san diego st are the aztecs.  and like their namesake they are going to rip the heart out of the utes and play with it.  just like in the old aztec days. i’m surprised utah is even favored if only by 3.  their last two games were embarrassing.  they will be embarrassed again this week.  take san diego st to win and or cover.

the doppler weather geeks promise some wet winter weather here for the weekend.  fine by me.  football weather.  time to toss something in the oven.  then pour a glass of dago red and enjoy the games and the weather. don’t get too crazed.  see you next week.

jmh   

2010 college football predictions week 13

on any number of levels this week is one of my favorite weeks of the year.  first off, it usually marks the end of the southern california endless summer, if only for a few months.  secondly, hey, it’s thanksgiving week and probably my all time favorite holiday.  thirdly, and just maybe the most important reason of them all, this week begins college football rivalry time.  yes indeed, even to the casual college ball fan rivalry games get more than just a semi sort of vague glance.  after all, what could be better than than a steaming bowl of leftover turkey dressing smothered in a sea of turkey gravy, a glass of dago red, and college football rivalry games?  not much i’m sure.

after last weekend’s games i now stand at .509 having gone 6 for 10 and 56 for 110 over all.  i missed week 7.  nothing stellar but hopefully the tide has turned and i can end the season on the far side of 50%.  just remember what is dealt out here is for fun only.  taking anything i write here to heart or say to vegas or any other sports book would be foolhardy at best.  leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt.

the point spreads used here are how i determine my wins and losses.  they may change during the week but no matter.  onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/25  texas a&m at texas.  texas a&m favored by 3.5 points.  a good way to spend some time in front of the TV on thanksgiving day.  that is if you can get away with it or swing it.  the aggies are on a roll this year.  the longhorns are floundering at best.  yeah, it’s college station and thanksgiving but take a&m to win and cover.

11/26  auburn at alabama.  bama favored by 4 points.  the iron bowl and maybe auburn’s waterloo.  one of the all time interstate football rivalries.  i find it interesting bama is favored.  so far cam newtongate hasn’t affected his play or his team’s play.  or maybe somebody knows something.  at any rate, probably a squeaker here kids.  a ton of points or a dearth, either way take bama to win and or cover.  it’s all or nothing for alabama.  ROLL TIDE!!

11/26  arizona at oregon.  oregon favored by 17 points.  only a couple of games left for someone to spoil the ducks perfect season.  a season, quite frankly, i didn’t see coming.  well, be that as it may, it isn’t here just yet.  arizona has a shot at winning.  trouble is the game is at auzten stadium and on duck home turf.  loud and crazed can hardly describe the atmosphere.  the ducks have had two weeks to prepare for this one.  and if coach kelly is on his game as well as the rest of the team, the ducks roll on.  take the ducks to win and cover.  QUACK QUACK!!!

11/26  boise st at nevada.  boise st favored by 14.5 points.  i’ve been waiting weeks for this game.  one of the few schools on boise’s cupcake schedule that has a chance at beating the broncos.  the other schools that had a shot couldn’t manage it.  however, boise isn’t at home this week and the wolf pack are playing some solid ball.  not as many points as boise is usually favored, a good thing.  nevada might not win, i hope they do, but i think they will cover the spread.  take nevada to cover and hopefully win.

11/27  michigan st at penn st.  michigan st favored by 1.5 points.  another head scratcher here kids.  a toss up?  ok, so the game is a homer for joe pa and the boys.  and it should be one of the most watchable games of the weekend.  however, i just don’t see 1.5 points.  take michigan st to win and cover.  cover, with this spread, is an oxymoron.  regardless, take the spartans.

11/27  northwestern at wisconsin.  wisconsin favored by 23.5 points.  take the badgers to win and or cover.

11/27  lsu at arkansas.  arkansas favored by 4 points.  arkansas wins and covers.

11/27  mississippi st at mississippi.  mississippi st favored by 2.5 points.  another toss up and a stellar rivalry as well.  home game for ole miss and the only reason i’m taking ole miss to win, even though st is having a much better year.  take mississippi to cover and or win.

11/27  notre dame at usc.  at this point there is no point spread.  i searched high and low to find anyone who even ventured a point spread on this game.  and since i could only find one person who had a spread, im going with the majority and the no point spread deal.  i guess no one cares other than myself and regis philbin, which i find interesting as it’s one of the oldest college football rivalries going.  sure touchdown jesus isn’t doing well and the trojans are on probation.  so what?  anyway, after usc’s usual dismal performance against oregon st last week the trojans need to wake-up and thump the golden domers for old time sake.  on a side note,  the trojans don’t have to play oregon st again for at least several years due to next year’s addition of utah and colorado to the pac 10.  so maybe the bad juju will disappear before their next oregon st meeting.  yeah, i guess the pundits are right as i’m spending more time talking about the beavers than the irish.  take the trojans to win.  FIGHT ON!!

11/27  oklahoma at oklahoma st.  oklahoma st favored by 2.5 points.  just another rivalry toss-up.  should be a good game.  take the cowboys to win and cover the point spread.

there you go.  week one of the rivalry games.  more to come next week.  i hope everyone has a safe and happy thanksgiving.  enjoy the games and don’t get too crazy.

jmh

2010 college football predictions week 14

college football rivalry week(s) continue(s). plus a few division championship games are on tap. i remember when all the rivalry games were taken care of in just one week. however, with more schools scheduling games with ‘the sisters of the poor’ during the season, rivalry week takes weeks. at any rate, sadly, this is college football’s last week of the regular season. a bitter sweet weekend for college ball fans. next comes the long wait for the bowl season to begin. more on that next week.

some interesting games this past weekend. i went 6 for 10 and now stand 62 for 120 over all. .517 as my average. still nothing stellar but i did manage two nice upsets with arkansas and nevada both winning. if i had only won one or more of my last three games. particularly that dropped pass in the rain at the coliseum sigh.

just remember this is for fun only and taking what i toss out here to any sports book and laying your rent and food money on the line would be total insanity on any number of levels. leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt. spreads sited here are by what i go by to determine my wins and losses.

rock ‘n’ roll.

12/2 arizona st at arizona. arizona favored by 6 points. ‘the duel in the desert’. i’m sure most arizona fans aren’t happy about this made for TV event in the middle of the week. but it does get some national exposure for both football programs. that being said, most fans would rather be stuck on the road game day weekend between whatever city is hosting the game that year. tradition is tradition after all. take the wildcats of arizona to win and cover.

12/3 illinois at fresno st. illinois favored by by 6 points. under normal circumstances i’d probably go with the bulldogs. not this week. take illinois to win and cover.

12/4 connecticut at s. florida. s. florida favored by 2 points. pretty much a toss up. and a game i’d stay away from during the year. just like the last one. slim pickings this last regular season week. alright, connecticut is on some sort of roll. take connecticut to win or cover.

12/4 utah st at boise st. boise st favored by 39.5 points. yeah, probably. it will be interesting to see if boise st can comeback from the end of their dream season loss last week. and it’s boise’s last game in ‘the sisters of the poor conference’. next year they move to ‘the big sisters of the poor conference’. not much of an improvement. any the ways, utah st is hapless. sure it’s a fistful of points but take boise st to win and cover.

12/4 oregon at oregon st. oregon favored by 15 points. ‘the civil war’ game. the ducks got bounced from number one in the BCS poll for beating arizona last week and covering the spread. what’s up with that? yes, after all it is the ‘Bull Crap System’. the beavers were stanford’s door mat last weekend. a regular thumping to be sure. is there anything left in their tank? however, this is a rivalry game. anything can happen. but with any luck at all it won’t. so much for the beavers stellar season. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!!

12/4 auburn at s. carolina. auburn favored by 5 points. the sec championship game. i’m hoping the old ball coach has a few tricks left. i’m tired of the camnewtongate deal and would just as soon see them fade away. so sue me. take s. carolina to cover and maybe even win.

12/4 washington at washington st. washington favored by 7 points. ‘the apple bowl’. and another game where anything can happen. state needs this one badly. the huskies need it too. take washington to win and cover.

12/4 florida st at virginia tech. virginia tech favored by 4 points. the acc championship game. take virginia tech if only for what florida st did to paula deen er, coach bowden. convoluted reasoning at best. take tech to win and cover.

12/4 nebraska at oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 5.5 points. the big 12 championship game. take nebraska to cover and or win.

12/4 usc at ucla. usc favored by 7 points. bragging rights for the city of lost angels. crosstown rivalry and good reason to stay away from pasadena if you’re out and about saturday night. crosstown traffic. it should be dry on saturday so maybe the trojans can hang onto the game winner this week. norm chow got his contract extension approved by ucla but slick rick ain’t saying if he even wants norm round next year. like it’s norm’s fault all the bruin’s qb’s got hurt this season. as the college ball worm turns. if you live here in socal this is THE game of the year. no doubt. these kids run into each other all year long on a regular basis. bragging rights mean something. take the trojans to win and cover. FIGHT ON!!

savor you last weekend of the regular college football season. it’s gone for nine long ass months. we suffer through the never ending nba season and major league baseball month after month. nothing but endless yammering about the dumb ass nba on sports talk shows from now to the end of june. god, the horror. buck up kids. the best sport in the land will be back next september. as always, is it september yet?

jmh

for those that care i went 6 for 10 this week. making me 68 for 130 overall, having missed week 7. .523 is nothing to brag about but i’ll take it. my overall win percentage for the last three years is, .530. beating the spread isn’t that easy. bowl picks this coming week. thanks for reading.

jmh

2010-11 college bowl game picks

they’re back.  and i’m sure some of you are very happy they are.  me?  not really but regular readers over the past few years already know this.  what’s to like about football games that come, in some cases, 37 days after the regular season has been put to bed for the next nine months?  indeed.  what’s to like?

especially since ‘bowls are business.’  stewart mandel wrote that a week or so ago in one of his sports illustrated columns concerning the lack of prospects for stanford getting a big time bowl bid, among other things.  though things did change.  stanford got a nice bid even with their lack of traveling alumni willing to head out to some god forsaken place or another and spend way too much money to sit in some stadium someplace and watch a football game.  i get the stanford alums point of view.  why indeed?

bowls are business.  the money tree time of year for college regents and deans alike all over this once great nation.  league commissioners slather all over themselves seeing visions of clean, crisp, unmarked, benjamins dancing in their collective greedy heads.  perhaps the most joyous time of the year turned into a greed head’s nirvana.

local pols and chambers of commerce goons fleece the nattering nabobs of the traveling alumni world.  fan bases far and wide leave home flush with cash only to have it stripped from them in some inglorious hell hole by bastions of local yokeldoms finest greed headed businessmen cum thieves.  god, yes, it’s bcs bowl season.  do you hear what i hear?  indeed.

yes, kids, once again it’s time for me to ask you to boycott the bowl games.  the first part is easy.  don’t buy a ticket to the damn games.  don’t fill the seats.  simple easy.  the second is a bit harder.  don’t watch the games on the tube.  yes, of course, not as easy as it sounds.  right?  but it is.  just don’t turn on the tv when your favorite team hits the airwaves and probably the skids because they haven’t faced any real football action/competition for over a month.  about the only action the players will have had is robbing fellow students of their lap tops and local 7-11′s of their daily take.  plus, scaring the bejesus out of coeds far and wide.  indeed.

ok.  alright.  you came here to read my picks.  so i’ll give them to you.  just remember they are for fun and entertainment purposes only.  using any of what i write here as a good thing to to take to a sports book or street corner bookie would be the ultimate definition of insanity. 

during the regular season i use and go by the oddsmakers point spreads.  not this time of year.  i’m just picking a winner.  also since most bowl games are stinkers at best, i’m only picking nineteen of the thirty-five games, which could shrink once i get into this.  some of the bowl turkeys aren’t even worth making fun of.  and that, my readers, is a very sad statement.  so without further ado…

rock ‘n’ roll.     

12/18  new mexico: byu vs utep.  the mormons finally get a shot at another holiday travel destination other than vegas after countless trips to sin city this time of year.  not the glitz and glamor of the strip but albuquerque has an old west vibe going for it.  including the gunfire, just stay off the freeways and you’ll probably be ok.  take byu to win.

12/21  beef o’brady’s: southern mississippi vs louisville.  the only reson for picking this game is it’s title.  what the harold is beef o’brady’s any the ways?  there might be some good commercials.  did i just say that?  take s. miss to win.

12/22  maaco: utah vs boise st.  this should be a good game.  maybe.  utah hit the skids then recovered nicely.  boise is still probably smarting from it’s fall from grace.  plus coach peterson is out job hunting.  he’s already upset about boise st dumping the wac to move to the mountain west while utah and byu have bailed out of that conference.  it’s like boise st moved from one sisters of the poor league to a little bit better sisters of the poor league.  boise st, do your homework next time.  homework just might be the reason none of the big boy conferences want you.  hint.  hint.  at any rate, take utah to win.

12/23  poinsettia: san diego st vs navy.  a grandiose fleet week bowl game for san diego just before christmas.  as much as i enjoy good san diego st football you have to take navy in this game.

12/27  independence: air force vs georgia tech.  take air force in this one, kids.

12/28  insight: missouri vs iowa.  a yawner but take iowa.

12/29  alamo: arizona vs oklahoma st.  as i’m a pac 10 or 12 homer take arizona here.  it might be a good game. 

12/30  holiday: nebraska vs washington.  another day another game in san diego.  if you can fly in do so because the roads in and out of there are usually clogged worse than my arteries.  pac 10 or 12 once again.  take washington if only for the fact my wife’s orthopod has a kid playing for the huskies.

12/31  sun: miami vs notre dame.  notre dame off a so so year but the touchdown jesus faithful do love to travel and spend lots of cash.  go with miami and the win.

1/1  capital one: alabama vs michigan st.  michigan st got hosed this year but somebody does every year.  guess it was their turn.  maybe some decent commercials again.  depending on who feels like playing after the big lay-off will determine who’s going to win.  i’m taking michigan st.

1/1  gator: michigan vs mississippi st.  hopefully, state rolls over michigan.  take miss st.

1/7  cotton: texas a&m vs lsu.  take the aggies of texas to win.

1/9  hunger: boston college vs nevada.  only reason i’m doing this game is because of what nevada did this year.  take nevada to win.

now for the so called big games.

1/1  rose: wisconsin vs tcu.  probably a decent game.  tcu will show up to play.  hopefully, wisconsin does as well.  take tcu.

1/1  fiesta: oklahoma vs connecticut.  good game to nap through.  make your own pick.  i don’t care.

1/3  orange: virginia tech vs stanford.  a good game?  take stanford to win.  pac 10 honk honk.

1/4  sugar: arkansas vs ohio st.  the talking heads are already saying this is the best game of the bowl season.  it is?  take arkansas to win.

1/10  BCS championship: auburn vs oregon.  finally, the last game.  as much as i love the ducks i really doubt if i’ll even watch this.  come on, 37 days after the season is over.  get real bcs and ncaa.  yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.  plus, the fact there are going to more commercials than you can shake the proverbial stick at.  i’m not interested in that action at all.  what i want to know is how the ncaa can say cecil newton is a crook and his kid knew nothing about it.  yeah, right.  the ducks have not played well in their last couple of games.  very possibly they won’t here either.  the first betting line for the game had the ducks favored by 3.  that disappeared as soon as someone realized what had happened.  probably a typo or a rabid duck fan who now has no job.  though a few folks did get in on that action.  lucky them because auburn is going to win this ad fest turkey.  sadly, for the ducks and the pac 10 or 12.  none the less, QUACK QUACK!!  yes, take auburn to win.

that’s it.  a few good games mixed in with the crapola games.  but that’s the usual scenario for the college bowl season.  should there be a playoff?  probably but i go back and forth on that idea.  for one, i think it sullies the regular season.  not unlike men’s basketball where nothing much matters during the regular season.  what matters, is march.  just remember these bowl games really aren’t for you, joe fan.  they are about teams getting more practice time and money money money.  not that there’s anything wrong with money.  i just wish the ncaa and college regents, deans, and commissioners would be more honest about the whole sordid deal.  any the ways, is it september yet?

jmh

2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 3 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 59 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 391 posts. There were 11 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 809kb. That’s about a picture per month.

The busiest day of the year was September 22nd with 148 views. The most popular post that day was 2010 college football predictions week 4.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were ozarkmossman.wordpress.com, facebook.com, search.aol.com, mariaozawa2u.blogspot.com, and tips-tools-tutorials.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for ww2 propaganda, joiedeer, propaganda ww2, cartoon ass, and 2010 college football predictions.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

2010 college football predictions week 4 September 2010
4 comments

2

cartoon ass September 2007

3

2010-11 college bowl game picks December 2010
2 comments

4

sammy davis jr. turned near-tragedy to triumph (another unauthorized re-print) October 2008

5

musical theatre or ‘wicked’ as a date November 2008
2 comments

little joe ~ the hard way

dead tired and dead broke were his only options for the day.  that day or another day for that matter.  it had been that way for days months or was it years?  even he couldn’t remember.  of course, he didn’t work at the dead broke part.  doing that would have been pointless at best.  or more like bailing water out of a sinking ship with your hands.  see?  pointless.  not that it mattered much any more. 

money came and money went.  more left than stayed the vast majority of the time.  if he was quick about it when the money did come in he could take care of stuff.  not that it mattered much anymore.  taking care of stuff was low on the list of priorities.  most of the time at the bottom of that list. 

what bothered him was the dead tired.  the bone dead tired even after a long sleep.  a long deep sleep followed by a nap at 10am with more naps throughout the day.  ending with a nap in the evening and then bed.  this had gone on for way longer than he thought it should.  but then what did he know?  in the end not much.

the only thing he knew was his job.  a job that didn’t take up much of his time, that’s for sure.  it was more like a part time job than a real job.  though it was a real job.  often times a job far too real.  not that it mattered that much anymore.  money came.  money left.  he worked and he didn’t.  pretty simple.  really.

it was the time between that worried him.  especially since all the sleeping and napping were taking up more time than he thought was wise.  he woke with a start.  another nap and barely past noon.  how long this time?  half an hour?  fifteen minutes?  he wasn’t sure.

he got up went to the kitchen and ran the water until it was cool.  he splashed the cold water on his face and then drank deeply from the faucet. just as he was finished drying his face his cell phone rang.  another job?  so soon?  maybe it was a good thing.  maybe less time spent sleeping.

hello?

we have something for you.

so soon?

does it matter?

no, not really.  ok.  where?

tomorrow.  i’ll be eating lunch at the chinese place down the street from you.  11:30.  before the big lunchtime crowd.

fine.  i’ll be there.

the caller was gone.  it was how it always was.  a call.  a meeting.  a seemingly casual encounter really.  two strangers thrust together by circumstance.  or fate.  nothing outward.

he passed the rest of the day napping and watching the talking heads discuss all manner of sports.  dinner came and went.  a steak.  rare.  red wine.  a movie.  a nap.  then bed.

in the morning he showered.  no shave.  he tried to kill some time reading but it was putting him to sleep.  tired of trying to stay awake he set the book down, put on a jacket and left his apartment.

the late morning street was busy with all manner of young and old out and about doing whatever it was that they were doing.  he was just killing time.  perhaps others were but some seemed to busy for just time killing. 

he stepped from the sidewalk into a storefront.  a day worker office which at this time of day wasn’t busy.  he put his back to the wall as pulled out his cell phone.  11:30.  time to cover the last 20 yards to the chinese joint.  he could smell schezuan chili and garlic in the morning air.  stepping out of the alcove he looked both ways.  seeing nothing.  he made his way to the meeting.

through the window he could see the restaurant was already busy.  all of the tables had customers.  though no line yet.  as he opened the door he spotted his meeting sitting alone at a table.  looking around he caught the chinese owner’s eye and shrugged his shoulders.  the owner smiled and shrugged as well then pointed to his meeting.  in other words.  share that table or wait.

he went to the counter and smiled at the owner.  ordering from off the menu he asked for shanghai noodles and a buddhist veggie side.  he was hungry.  after paying he turned and went to his table.

head down his meeting was reading the day’s sports section.  already several pages into it the headline was visible.  his cue to speak. 

i don’t understand how boise st gets so much attention with their awful schedule.

i would agree with that but it does keep the BCS big boys antsy and worried.

i suppose.  guess we’ll just have to wait until they move into another conference.

no one wants them except for the mountain west if that’s even an upgrade.

folding the paper his meeting returned to eating.  the man sat looking about the restaurant.  all looked normal.  everyone eating and enjoying some of the best off the radar chinese food for many blocks.  the owner appeared and sat the steaming plate of crispy shanghai noodles, sliced pork, and vegetables smothered in a rich deep dark gravy in front of the man.  he also sat another smaller plate of vegetables on the table as well.  tofu, mushrooms, clouds ear, sliced carrots and bok choy to accompany the crispy noodles.  as the man dug into the spectacular meal his meeting was finishing his.

i’m about done here.  finished with the sports too.  the paper is yours if you’d like.

sure.  thanks.

no problem.

his meeting finished eating.  dug out his wallet and left a tip on the table.  he got up.  smiled.  turned and left the restaurant leaving the folded newspaper section.  the man continued to eat as he read what was visible on the folded paper.  the food was satisfying and delicious.  when he was finished he stood up.  took some money from a front pocket and left it on the table.  he picked up the newspaper and walked back out into the street.

with the sports section under his left arm the man walked out of the restaurant and turned away from his apartment.  he walked around the block watching the people and checking reflections in the store windows.  nothing seemed out of place.  and as far as he could tell he wasn’t being followed.  when he reached his apartment entrance he let the newspaper slip from under his arm and it fell to the sidewalk.

as he bent over to pick up the paper it gave the man the opportunity to check both directions.  front and back as well as across the street one more time before he entered his building.  all seemed well.  nothing out of place.  no strangers lingering.  everyone paying him no mind as they moved along with their business.  satisfied he opened the door and made his way up the well worn stairs to his third story apartment.

when he was locked safely inside his apartment he went to the window and opened it.  outside all was well.  moving away from the window he went to the table, sat, and opened the newspaper.  on the next to last page he found a folded piece of paper taped to the newsprint.  he removed the folded paper without damaging the newspaper.  setting the piece of paper on the table he got up and put the newspaper in the trash.           

another look out the window and then back to the table and the piece of paper.  he sat down and unfolded the dime store piece of paper.  it was all there.  everything he needed.  so it began.  yet again.

jmh

little joe ~ the hard way pt 2

as he sat reading his new assignment.  a thought occurred to him.  maybe it was time to find some other line of work or career.  though career change wasn’t something anyone his age thought very much about.  at least not if they were sane.  dumping those thoughts from his mind he got up from the table went into the bedroom and began packing a bag. 

when he finished packing he went back into the kitchen and opened a drawer.  to be exact, the bottom drawer to the right of the stove.  inside the drawer were throw away cell phones.  all pre-paid with twenty to thirty minutes on each phone.  he selected one.  once the call was made it would be tossed out after being wiped clean.

his ipad was on the table.  one of the newer gadgets he had come to rely upon.  just like the cell phone.  a necessary evil.  one of many he mused. things had changed and seemed to change even more quickly with each passing year.  at times it was hard keeping up with all of the changes.  maybe that was why he was tired all the time.

as he typed his query into the search engine on his ipad he thought of the name and number he needed to call after this call.  the airline web page appeared on the screen and he found their phone number.  pulling out the old cell phone he dialed the airline.  safety first.  he never used the computer to book anything at all even remotely related to his work.  not good business and for sure not a good idea.

after a few minutes the flight was booked.  he got the one he wanted using a new and different name his contact had provided him, along with a mastercard number.  the name and number didn’t create a problem with the airline.  they never did.  southwest airlines.  tomorrow afternoon 12:45pm.  gate 47.  MWD.  satisfied he ended the call. 

next he dialed another number from memory.  one of many stored safely away where no one would ever find them.  no one.  ever.  that he was sure of.  the phone rang at the other end and a voice answered.

yes?

i’m coming into town tomorrow.  early evening.  i’m in need of some assistance.

yes?  how may i help you?

i have a job that will require your services along with some of my usual  requirements.  i hope that won’t be a problem.

not a problem at all.  shall we say 7?  the usual place?

perhaps.  i’ll call you after i land and get a car.

fine. 

with that he ended the call.  as he sat at the table he removed the back of the cell phone.  he picked out the SIM card and sat it on the table.  he got up to find a butter knife and a paper towel.  he used the towel to wipe the card clean and then he folded the card into it.  several layers of paper covered the card.  he took the butter knife and with the heel of his hand he smashed down on the card.  the SIM card broke into pieces.  and stayed in the paper.

getting up from the table he went into the bathroom where he flushed the pieces down the toilet.  while still in the bathroom he wiped the cell phone clean with a dirty towel.  then he sat the open phone on the tile floor.  he stomped down on the phone with all his might.  the plastic phone broke in half and the screen cracked but did not shatter.  he picked up the phone with some toilet paper and carried it back to the kitchen.

in the kitchen he tossed the phone into the wastebasket.  picking the basket up he carried it out into the hall and found the trash dump opening.  he shook the basket into the opening and the phone with the rest of the trash rattled down into the basement.

back in the kitchen he picked up the new phone and slipped it into a pocket.  for the first time in a long time he wasn’t tired or sleepy.  more like energized he thought.  time for a long brisk walk before dinner. time for some time killing.  but first a bit more business.  he smiled as he pulled the front door shut and the latch took hold with a metallic thud.

the outside air was brisk further energizing him as he walked along the street.  nothing was out of line and no one was following him.  he pulled the cell phone from his pocket.  dialing a number from memory as he walked.  the call connected.  rang twice and a tape began to play.  odd seemingly divergent phrases and words with a few numbers was all he heard.

the tape ended and he stopped by the curb.  two large delivery trucks were parked there.  he stepped between them and quickly removed the SIM card.  wiped it clean and dropped into a stream of water flowing in the gutter.  the card traveled a few feet then entered a storm drain.  eventually it would find it’s way into lake michigan.     

stepping back up on the sidewalk he began wiping the phone clean.  once the job was done it quickly found it’s way into a restaurant dumpster.  turning left at the next intersection he made his way into grant park.  it was still warm enough for the giant fountain in the park to be sending water into the air.  smiling to himself he thought of al bundy and thought perhaps the fountain should be named after al instead of clarence buckingham.

at that time of day there were few visitors.  the few souls there paid no attention to him.  walking around the giant fountain he found what he was looking for.  the trash can on the north east portion of the fountain.  standing next to it he looked around.  no one was watching him.  no one was even anywhere near him. 

he pushed the can several inches to his right with his foot.  there on the ground was a wallet.  inside would be his new id, the mastercard, and several thousand dollars in cash.  a down payment and working capital for times when the mastercard was of no use.  he bent down and picked up the wallet and slipped it into a pocket.  no one had seen a thing.

satisfied he checked his watch and decided a beer and a burger in the congress hotel bar would be a good idea.  he made his way back through the park towards the hotel.         

jmh

little joe ~ the hard way pt 3

after the simple dinner he made his way from the bar towards the hotel entrance and the taxi stand.  joining the small queue already waiting he noticed nothing amiss.  when his turn came, he gave the cabbie an address on n. wabash.  from there he could walk over to 2120 michigan ave and  relish in the old days of the blues and chicago.  after his trip down memory lane he caught another cab and had it drop him off a block from his apartment building.

the walk back to his apartment was uneventful and nothing was out of the ordinary.  once safely back in his place he finished up what needed to be done for his trip.  satisfied with the fact he was ready he took a long hot shower.  after he poured himself three fingers of absolut on the rocks.  then drank it slowly while sitting in the dark and looking out on the street below.

the alarm in his head woke him just before sunrise.  getting dressed he could tell the day would be even be cooler than the day before.  a good time to travel to warmer weather if only for a day or two.  his bag was packed.  just a carry on.  the largest he could get away with.  whatever else he needed he could acquire when he reached the job site.  he picked out another phone from his kitchen stash and put it in his pocket.  he also put another ID and matching visa card with photo in his wallet.  no one would find it unless they had the wallet and went through it.  that wasn’t going to happen.  unless he was dead.  then it didn’t matter.  the apartment was checked.  he collected his bag, coat and secured things.  satisfied he went downstairs and outside.

he flagged a cab and gave the driver the congress hotel address.  he wanted breakfast before his flight.  the congress was as good as any place for a breakfast.  with his bag he would blend in with the other travelers staying there.  plus, the congress was a favorite of his since he and charlie musselwhite had shared a table there several years ago.

after his meal he made his way to the taxi stand and got a cab to midway airport.  the 40 minute ride was uneventful.  he favored midway over o’hare because there were no international flights departing or arriving at midway.  thus, security would be a little less tense.  he’d found it to be less stressful every other time he had flown from there. 

collecting his boarding pass from the kiosk was a snap.  his latest phony id proved to be no problem.  so far they never had.  cursory checks and the new pat down proved to be easy and simple as well.  he bought a newspaper and sat where he could watch his back and the outside at the same time.  his flight was called and he made his way down the gangway to the plane and his seat.

the plane slowly filled up and after it had there was a short interval before they taxied away and out to the runways.  soon it was up in the air and turning west toward california.  less than five hours later the plane was crossing the san gabriels then lining up for it’s landing at orange county’s john wayne airport. 

after landing he bought an orange county map then made his way to the rental car area where he used his mastercard to rent a nondescript mid size car.  with his bag in the trunk he sat in the driver’s seat and made a phone call.

yes?

let’s have dinner.  you up for it?

ok.  where?

nobu sushi on avenida pico.  it should be crowded and busy enough for us to talk.  i’m maybe forty-five minutes out.  depending on traffic.

fine.  i know someone there.  i’ll get us a proper table.  see you.

he ended the call then made another.  this time to the hotel miramar on el camino real.  they didn’t have a room but they and most other good hotels always do.  especially if you were willing to pay for it.  he was as he’d never get the bill.  no one else would either.  the mirimar would just put it down to doing business. 

pulling away from the airport he turned the radio to a local sports talk station he knew from memory.  the hosts were talking laker basketball.  certainly not his favorite subject but it was better than news or crappy music.  thirty-five minutes later he was turning into nobu’s parking lot.  it was a good choice as the lot was almost full.  meaning the restaurant would be.  and a rowdy bar crowd to go along with the diners.  the perfect place for a meal and a serious chat.         

jmh

little joe ~ the hard way pt4

he made his way from the lot to the front door.  once inside a smiling japanese lady asked how many were in his party.  before he could answer the man he was meeting found him and told the hostess everything was fine.  they had a table. 

the sushi house was busy and noisy.  their table was a two top at the back of the restaurant.  from there they could sit with comfort knowing no one could come up from behind and they could keep an eye the front door.  the perfect table.

you must know the owner to score this one on a busy night. 

better.  his wife.

a waitress approached and they both ordered a large asahi along with several hand rolls and sashimi.  enough food for the two of them.  while they waited they spoke of old times for a few minutes then got down to business.

we need to stop meeting like this.

i know.  if we only could.  but like the song, it’s too late to stop now.

i suppose.  at least it’s a bit warmer out here.

just wait till later and tomorrow morning after the fog rolls in.

ah, evening fog? 

yeah, it’s been hanging around for over a week.  i’m ready to head east into the arizona desert for some real warmth and dry air.

interesting.  i may not need you or your services after all.

oh?  damn, i was looking forward to the money not to mention the thrill of it all. 

the waitress brought their two beers along with the sashimi plates.  yellow tail, salmon, and mackerel.  they poured their beer into chilled glasses and toasted each other before they drank.

salute.

chin chin.

i love japanese beer with sushi.

me too though there is something to be said for a good bottle of california riesling and sushi.

you should have said something.

nah, this is fine.

anyway, don’t sweat the money part.  i’ll still use you.  but with the fog you won’t have to work so hard or create a diversion.  maybe.

ok.  i like the sound of that.  easy money for a change. 

i’m thinking so.  you’ll just provide some back-up if it’s even necessary.  what time has the fog been rolling in?  and how thick?

it wouldn’t surprise me if it isn’t already here and getting thick.  by around 8 visibility has been down to a hundred feet or so.

perfect.  you still have some fishing gear or am i gonna need to buy you some? 

of course i have some.  but if you want…

forget about it.  santa claus i’m not.

with that the waitress arrived with their hand rolls.  while she was removing the empty sashimi plates she asked if they needed more beer.  they did.

sure, i was just trying, hermano.  a fishing gear diversionary tactic, eh?

maybe.  maybe not.  it just depends.  lucky for you there’s the fog or you would be out on the water riding a jet ski or something while creating your diversion.  with the fog i may not even need you other than for covering my six duty.

i hate california it’s cold and it’s damp.  but an easy job is an easy job.  the water is too damn cold for these old bones. 

that’s what i thought you’d say, my friend.  this just might be one of the easier jobs we’ve both ever had.

so alright.  when are you going to tell me more about this easy job?

after you tell me you can score me a nice throw away piece.  nothing fancy, please.

not a problem.  i have just the right piece.  an old long forgotten .357 not the quietest revolver on the block but it works perfectly.

too loud.  we’re talking close in stuff here.  i may not even need it.

.22 auto with shorts?

perfect.  just one mag.  no, make it two.  there might be trouble on the egress.

you want me armed? 

yes, you carry that old well oiled .357 if we need it the noise may scare off the uninvited.

done.  so what’s the deal?

the waitress brought the next round of beers and left.  by then the two old friends were talking quietly.  the ground work had been laid.  the only thing left was the fine tuning.  though over the years, having worked together many times before the final details didn’t take very long.

it’s been a long day for me.  i’m going to find my hotel and take it easy. here’s some cash for the tab.  give me five minutes then you split.  i’ll see you tomorrow.

they shook hands and he left the sushi restaurant.  outside the air was thick with the salty fog.  the man looked at his watch.  9:00.  perfect timing.  hopefully, the timing would be just as perfect tomorrow.

jmh 

little joe ~ the hard way pt 5

driving slowly along pacific coast hwy or camino real he found the miramar hotel after only several minutes.  the neon sign blinking like a lighthouse guided him in the last several hundred yards.  he parked.  collected his  bag.  then made his way into the hotel lobby.  it was deserted other than the night clerk behind the desk.  his phony ID and mastercard proved once again they were solid as gold. 

will you be needing any help with your bags, sir?

no, i just have this one bag.  thank you.

he started to walk away towards the elevators but stopped and turned.

i need a wake-up call for 7:30 tomorrow morning.

not a problem, sir.  7:30 tomorrow morning.

thanks.

he didn’t need the wake-up.  it was just meant to make him seem like a normal guest.  stepping into the elevator he noticed the desk clerk was already busy doing something else and was paying him no mind.  so far so good he thought.  he pushed the button for the third floor and the doors closed.  the elevator deposited him on the third floor.  the odd numbered rooms were to the right.  he turned and walked to his room.  he slipped the door card into the slot while pushing the door open. 

the usual nondescript hotel room greeted him.  he threw his bag on the bed.  stripped off his clothes.  found the bathroom.  and took a long hot shower.  after he finished he toweled off then put on the hotel robe.  digging through the mini bar he found two bottles of cold absolut.  opened them and poured both into a water glass.  no ice.  no traipsing through hotel hallways in a robe.  bad form.

sitting at the desk he skimmed the yellow pages of the local phone book until he found what he was looking for.  a local gallery that opened at 10am.  he could tell by the address it wasn’t far from the hotel.  the address and phone number were memorized. 

while sipping the vodka and watching the thick pea soup fog he flipped open his cell phone.  and made a call.  a female voice answered on the second ring.

yes?

i’m in town and all is well.

very good.  what about tomorrow evening?

tell our friend the meeting should be over by ten.  i don’t foresee any problems.  he should be very pleased with the outcome. 

you’ll let us know if things don’t work out?

as always.

your standard payment procedure?  with options?

yes and yes.  my flight is already booked.  the last one heading there tomorrow night.  i should have plenty of time.

very good.  it will be waiting for you.

thank you.  good evening.

he stood up walked to the bed and pulled back the covers.  finishing the vodka he turned out the light.  removed the robe and got into bed.  the thick fog muffled the sound of the surf.  the muted surf lulled him to sleep.

he was awake before the phone call came at 7:30.  his wake-up call.  hanging up he stretched.  then made his way to the bathroom while the in room coffee maker gurgled away.  after his usual routine he sat at the desk drinking the bad coffee.  from his wallet he removed the other ID.  there was the visa card with the same photo on it as well.  he then used some simple things from his bag to make himself look like the person in the photo.  he put them both back in his wallet.

checking himself in the mirror he slipped out of the room.  he made his way through the empty hallway to the elevator.  once down to the lobby he quietly walked to the rear entrance and outside.  if anyone had seen him they would think nothing of it.

the morning air was filled with fog but not as bad as last night.  he walked briskly down the sidewalk to a restaurant he’d spotted on his way to the hotel the evening before.  the place was open and smelled of frying pork product.  always a good sign. 

he found a table at a window towards the back of the restaurant.  soon a waitress brought him a menu and fresh steaming coffee.  she left him alone with the coffee.  he found what he wanted and sat the menu aside.  he always ate a hearty breakfast the morning of a job.  he wouldn’t eat again until he was safely away.

have you decided?

yes.  three eggs over medium.  side of bacon and a sausage patty.  extra crispy hash browns.  how are the biscuits and gravy?

just like grandma made.  we don’t get any complaints.

good.  biscuits and gravy then.  wheat toast and honey.  a large glass of whole milk, orange juice, and more coffee.

you must be hungry.

i have a busy day ahead.

smiling the waitress left to place the breakfast order.  he sipped his coffee and watched the restaurant begin to fill up with the morning breakfast crowd.  he dawdled over his large breakfast.  by the time he was finished the fog had lifted several hundred feet.  still thick but now there was some visibility of perhaps several hundred yards.  he paid his bill with the visa card and left a healthy tip.  then got up to find the gallery.

the gallery was a few blocks to the south.  he traveled slowly stopping to look into shop windows.  no one noticed him.  or was following him.  by the time he reached the gallery it was open.  he would be their first customer.  not a real paying customer but their first.  the bell above the door tinkled as he entered.

good morning, sir.  how may i help you?

i’m looking for some watercolor work that might become collectible one day.

ah, you’ve come to the right place.  we have several artists you may find interesting.

that’s what i hear.

the two men spent the better part of an hour looking over several different artist’s work.  he finally settled on two smaller watercolors by a chinese lady who’s work he was familiar with.  he paid with the visa card.  the id and card passed muster.  he had the shopkeeper ship the paintings to his next stop.  they would be there when he arrived.  another piece of his retirement puzzle was now in place 

after the deal was complete he walked back to his hotel to find his room already clean.  he removed the minimal disguise.  and flushed it down the toilet.  after that, he bent and broke both the ID and visa card into four pieces.  they were flushed down the toilet as well.  not perfect but good enough.   he removed his clothing.  pulled back the spread and blanket then got into bed.  he spent the rest of the day watching sports talk TV and napping. 

at 6pm he climbed out of bed.  hit the shower again.  then dressed.  as he was finishing dressing his cell phone rang.

yes?

i have what we need.

very good.  7:30 where we discussed. 

i’ll be there.

jmh       

little joe ~ the hard way pt 6

by the time he’d put his bag in the car and made sure the hotel room was  clean it was 7:15.  there was still one night left on the room but he would be long gone by the time the maid got around to cleaning the room tomorrow morning.  getting into his car he made the short trip to the pier.

it wasn’t foggy yet though the thick bank of moist ocean air was just off shore.  not more than several hundred yards from the end of the san clemente pier.  7:20 he pulled into the pier parking lot.  on a late fall early evening with the fog coming in the lot was empty.  save for his car and another parked 20 or 30 spaces to the north.  he noticed a cigarette lighter flick to light a cigarette.  his friend was waiting.  he walked out from the side the lifeguard building.  he was carrying fishing tackle.

the man got out of his car and walked toward his friend.  the greeted each other warmly.  his friend told him to go to the side of the building and change into his work clothes.  his friend would stand guard.  after he changed they began walking out on the pier.  both were dressed in overalls.  the usual fishing attire for the more serious night fishermen. they chatted amicably as they walked.  just two old friends out for a bit of night fishing.  while they were walking they noticed a set of headlights sweep into the parking lot.  if they were lucky it was their man. 

they paused in their walk and stopped by the side of a closed bait shop.  there they pointed north at some imaginary something or another while they chatted on.  a man got out of the car in the lot and he went to the trunk of his car where he pulled out some fishing gear.  even from that distance he could tell that the man was his mark.  he barely nodded to his friend.  who spoke.

damn.  i forgot to bring the thermos of coffee.  it’s on the back seat.  i’m going to go get it.

fine.  i’ll walk out to the end of the pier and start setting up.

ok.

by this time the fog had almost reached the end of the pier.  soon the entire pier would be enveloped inside the bank of fog limiting visibility and noise.  a perfect night if there ever was one.  a fog shrouded pier as a killing ground.  it would be a first for him.  excitement began to build.  he turned and walked to the end of the pier.

yes, it was almost perfect.  fog.  no one else fishing.  at least at the moment.  his target a creature of habit fished off the san clemente pier every night except for when it was raining or it was christmas eve.  he even fished when the cold fog was about to roll in.  the information had been correct.  then it always was.  he didn’t work for people if their information was shoddy or incorrect or haphazard.  you didn’t last long if you relied on bad information.

he reached the end of the pier and began setting up the fishing poles.  inside the tackle box was the .22 auto loaded with one magazine.  a second clip lay at the bottom of the box.  he picked it up and put it in his pocket.  he quickly checked to see if a round was chambered.  the small hand gun was locked and loaded.

he could just make out his friend greeting the mark at the end of the pier.  something about the old days and yellow tail running on nights like this.  those days were long gone.  yellow tail stayed miles off shore these days. 

as he moved about setting up the poles he noticed the fog roiling about him.  the bank had reached the pier and was moving swiftly towards shore.  he spotted the mark walking towards him.  he was about 20 yards out.

as the mark drew closer the man began baiting the hooks on his poles.  small smelt that were so fresh you could probably eat then yourself.  not sushi grade but good enough to fry and eat with some good crusty tuscan bread.  he was getting hungry.  time to finish the job. 

it’s going to be cold tonight.

yes, it is.  my friend forgot the coffee.  he went back to get it.  there’s probably enough to share if you don’t have any. 

i’m fine, thanks.  i always come prepared.

the mark busied himself setting up his equipment.  as he was doing that the man cast both his lines out into the foggy evening and dark water.  when done he turned and looked to the shore end of the pier.  he saw the cigarette lighter flick inside of a wisp of fog.  it was far away as if inside some dream.  the coast was clear.  clear of bystanders at the moment.  time to get on with the job.

he took the .22 from his pocket and quickly put it behind the man’s left ear.  the tip of the barrel touched hair, scalp, and nudged bone.  two very quiet shots and it was over.  the mark slumped to the deck of the pier.  he was dead by the time the second bullet began to bounce around inside his skull.

the man quickly checked himself out in the almost dim light.  there didn’t seem to be any blood splatter on his shooting hand or arm.  very good.  sometimes you got lucky he thought.  from the tackle box he withdrew a scuba weight belt.  just enough weight to keep the mark underwater long enough for he and his friend to be out of the picture.  a rather grisly picture to be sure when the mark washed up on shore or bobbed to the surface once the gases inside him started to form.

he easily rolled the man under the bottom rung of the guard rail and heard him hit the water with a fog muted splash.  he tossed the his two poles into the water.  they would sink just like the dead man.  the tackle box would follow the poles into the cold dark water in a moment.  he wasn’t concerned with prints as the salt water would take care of them soon.  the end of the pier was clean except for a small amount of blood.  he took the empty tackle box to a nearby water faucet and filled it with salt water from the tap.  he used the water from the tackle box to wash away the blood.  then tossed the box into the pacific.

he worked quickly and in no time things were as they were before the horrible crime.  the scene was clean enough.  the last thing he did was toss the mark’s gear out into the water.  turning he began his walk to the shore end of the pier.  the lighter flicked once more along with the slight ping of metal upon metal.  all was still clear.

jmh                 

the true saga of elliot john kamradt

there has been much speculation as to just who, elliot john kamradt is and more to the point who his parents were. those waters are a bit murky but i’ll try and clear them up a bit. you see, i’m elliot john kamradt. though these days i go by a different name, john hauge. however, that’s jumping ahead a bit in the story.

at the turn of the 1900′s one aspect of the kamradt family that had remained hidden for more than two centuries finally made their way across the atlantic to america from either poland or hungary. things are still sketchy in that regard. suffice it to say, they remained hidden in america for the most part as well. it’s been such a long time that no one even remembers why that branch of the kamradt family chose to stay hidden from the rest of the family tree and most of society for that matter.

historical records that can be found and accessed show peter paul kamradt and his ever lovely wife, jacqueline marie bouvier-kamradt, were a handsome and fun loving couple. peter worked as a butcher in various butcher shops from new york city to detroit, michigan. though at some point in detroit peter and jackie moved away very suddenly. reasons for the move remain unknown to this day.

there is one theory about the move that relates to a string of unsolved chicken burglaries and thefts that just might be traced back to peter kamradt. though once again, the facts are sketchy and perhaps a family feud was involved relating to some family strife that began in the old country centuries before.

be that as it may, peter and jackie turned up in beaumont, ca not long after their flight from detroit. peter gave up the butcher business and started a chicken ranch in california. some wags said he brought stolen chickens from detroit to start the ranch. though none of that was ever proved to be true. gossip is just gossip, as peter was fond of saying.

once settled in beaumont peter and jackie bore two children. a daughter, ethel and much later in life a son elliot. yours truly. the kamradt bouvier chicken ranch thrived and the little family was happy in the hills of beaumont. though that would change one winter day long ago.

in one of the rarities of california life a rain storm struck and stuck around for a week or two raining buckets non stop. flooding ensued and tragedy struck the bouvier-kamradt family. while on a family trip to collect much needed supplies or as some locals still say, to steal chickens, the family was literally sweep away in a rain swollen creek sending them to the pacific miles away and their deaths. save for elliot john kamradt.

elliot was bumped from the back of the family truck and was saved from his early death. he lay on the ground crying for an hour or two when a turnip farmer happened upon him and saved little elliot john kamradt. little elliot was thrilled to say the least. but the thrill didn’t last long. he fell off the back of the turnip truck only to be saved this time by ollie and doris hauge.

ollie and doris semi legally changed elliot john kamradt’s name. how they even knew the little tykes real name is also shrouded in mystery. at any rate, elliot john kamradt thus became john hauge. simple easy. john went on to have a semi sort of life as a bon viant and is now a retired loafer of some note.

there you have it. i assure you all of this is true and thus proves by any sane reasonable doubt i am a kamradt by birth. to say otherwise would be heresy. that means you carl. michael, matt, and mr. jonny know better.

jmh

little joe ~ the hard way pt 7 (the coda)

as he reached the the shore end of the pier his friend spoke.

i almost didn’t hear the shots.  too bad fog can’t be arranged for all of our wet work.

yeah, that would be nice.  it keeps the bystanders away as well.  very nice.

i left a trash bag over by the life guard building.  let’s get out of these overalls then you can get out of here.  i’ll take care of the trash.  don’t forget to give me the .22 and the extra ammo as well.

not a chance i’d forget that.  at least not with you around, my friend.

the two men quickly stripped off the outer garments while they quietly talked.  they shook hands.  he gave his friend the .22 and the extra magazine.  then he moved to his car.  finding the windows wet from the fog he took the time to wipe them off with a relatively clean napkin he found in a nearby trashcan.  no traffic accidents minor or otherwise in route to the airport and freedom.      

once at the airport he dropped the car off at the rental office. they were closed so he took the time to wipe the prints as best he could.  a minor precaution since the cleaning process would do the job as well.  the rental company would not even know the rental was fraudulent for at least several days.

it was a short walk to the terminal.  after checking in he had enough time to grab a beer, burger, and fries before his flight to las vegas was ready.  he slept through the short bumpy flight from orange county to las vegas mccarran airport.  after landing he caught a shuttle to caesars palace on the strip.  with him as the only passenger the shuttle made good time in the light midweek traffic.

as he walked through the front door of the hotel/casino he felt the rush begin to build.  he let it build steam then he damped it down as there was still work to do.  at the front desk he handed the clerk the phony ID and mastercard.  this would be the last time he would use the mastercard.  though he would hang on to it in case of an emergency.

ah, mr wences.  good evening.  we have two packages for you.

very good.  thank you.

the clerk left to retrieve them.  when he returned he handed them to a bellman and told him to take mr wences and his luggage up to his room.  he didn’t refuse.  vegas rules applied. 

after the bellman was tipped and he was alone he opened the larger of the two packages first.  inside were the two water colors he had purchased in san clemente.  he put them back in their container to be mailed to his drop in the morning.

the second package was a manila mailer.  size large.  inside was a smaller manila mailer addressed to his friend’s drop in san clemente.  the proper postage already affixed.  including insurance.  also inside the larger mailer were six $25,000 casino chips from caesars.  he smiled brightly.  good as gold he thought. 

he took a sheet of hotel stationary from the desk drawer and wrapped two of the 25k chips up in it.  then he placed it inside the manila envelop addressed to his friend and sealed it.  he would mail it when he went downstairs again.

next he called room service and ordered a bottle of the best brandy in the house, ice, and a steak medium rare.  he had enough time to shower before they arrived.  dressed in the last clean clothes he had carried with him he ate the steak and drank a few fingers of brandy over ice. 

after eating he found a hotel laundry bag in the closet and placed all of his dirty clothing inside it.  it would be tossed out when he went back downstairs.  he would have to be careful due to all the cameras but it wasn’t impossible.

he settled into the room’s easy chair and finished another brandy.  he let the rush come back into his consciousness.  this he thought is what it was all about.  the after job glow enhanced by a steak and fine brandy.  the prelude to an even bigger rush.  setting the crystal tumbler on the desk he picked up his packages and moved downstairs. 

his first stop was the 14th floor.  he got out of the elevator and casually walked to the ice machine room using his hand and the mailer to obscure as much of his face as possible. inside the room he found the trashcan and deposited his clothes in it.  he would buy more in the morning.  he left the ice room carrying a diet coke he’d purchased from the soda machine in the room.  as he left the elevator on the main floor he put the can of soda in the trash by the doors.  the next stop was the front desk.  he handed the mailer to the clerk along with $20 to insure it would be handled properly.

he turned from the front desk and walked towards the casino entrance.  the rush slowly coming on.  by the time he was inside the casino he was almost sure everyone within a few feet could hear the blood rushing through his body.  outwardly there was no sign.  he appeared calm.  he made his way through the slots and tables until he came to a raucous table surrounded by ten or fifteen people.  a short cheer went up at the table.  he heard a hotel employee say, ‘eleven, a winner.’  he felt as if his body had been jolted by a heavy electrical current as he pulled one of the $25,000 chips from his pocket.  he had only one thought and one thought only.  little joe, the hard way.

the end

jmh

copyright 2011 by john hauge

eddie catalina

the two open windows provided light and air.  they also provided a decent view of the parking lot and the street area to the east.  eddie catalina stood in the middle of the room smoking, watching, and pacing.  the past two days had been a wild ride.  or was it three?  adrenaline highs and crashing lows had brought him here.  north eastern nevada and the stockmen hotel in elko.  the corner suite on the 4th floor.  probably not a real suite in most hotels but the view was ok and he could smoke in the room.  and with all the photos of john wayne in the lobby maybe the duke had even stayed in the room way back when.  tangents.  eddie was tired.

he hadn’t smoked in over twenty years but he had started again once the mad cap car trip had begun down in los angeles.  probably somewhere in northern california along interstate 5.  stockton?  maybe.  eddie thought he’d spotted a tail somewhere around the tracy turn off.  no, he had spotted a tail.  smart bastards that they were.  someone on or near the over pass.  though in the end not that smart. 

eddie was a good driver.  once the tail was spotted he let the adrenaline kick in and instinct take over.  getting enough of a jump on them and then getting off the interstate in the old downtown section of stockton proved to be the right move.  after a few one way streets there, a few quick turns, then backtracking he had lost the tail.  after losing them he spent ten or fifteen minutes sitting in the shady parking lot of the public health department just to be sure, while getting his nerves back together. nothing of interest in the parking lot other than a few pregnant women coming and going.  a few obvious junkies as well.  nothing of interest.

after he left the parking lot he had a bit of a problem.  he wasn’t sure where the interstate was any more.  he drove around for a bit before he found it again.  about that time eddie also realized he was hungry.  he had seen a chinese restaurant sign a street or so over.  not in the mood for mexican it would do.  he doubled back.  parked on the almost deserted street and went inside.  the place was an old huge worn out dump.  though the owner was friendly and the food decent enough.  best of all he was the only diner.

for some reason after lunch he’d walked across the street and into a liquor store where he bought a carton of camel lights.  eddie had been chain smoking them ever since.

from stockton he’d driven straight through to winnemucca, nevada stopping only for gas.  he spent the night at the winner’s hotel casino and walking the streets of winnemucca while avoiding the cat houses.  a sleepy casino was one thing but the houses were another.  a sure fire way of being spotted.  instead, he ate a delicious lamb dinner at an old basque hotel before retiring for the night.  he was up early and back on the road again before 7.  an overnight rain had left the roads shimmering in the early morning sun.

so, here he was in the stockman.  elko, nevada.  the duke’s old haunt?  he was for sure smoking like the duke.  two days and six packs of smokes later.  jesus.  he thought stubbing out a butt and lighting another.  what the hell happened?  what the hell indeed. 

jmh    

     

eddie catalina pt 2

after growing up out in the farmlands that used to surround metropolis los angeles, eddie had moved to downtown l.a. after he was discharged from the army.  that had been long ago.  forty years ago more or less.  things had gone well for him after the army.  a thriving business, marriage and family.

thirty five years or so of peace and happiness.  then it all started to unravel.  slowly.  one frayed thread at a time.  eddie had started betting on football games.  he started out doing alright.  most weekends he won the majority of his bets.  then something happened.  eddie never did figure out what or why.  his football acumen just went south on him.  he started losing more than he won.  not a good thing for any better.

instead of just quitting he tried to make up for his bad luck by betting more, more, and more.  he not only lost the bets he lost his family as well.  his business and his peace of mind.  everything.  eddie had become some sort of poster boy for gamblers everywhere.  not in a good way but the worst possible example.

wife, children, home, and business gone eddie hit rock bottom.  living by his wits and a few odd jobs he kept a roof over his head.  things had even started to turn around again.  he even had thoughts of setting things straight with his wife and kids.  instead, however, that old invincible better’s feeling came back and took hold.  eddie started betting sports again.  mostly college football.

he was actually doing well with his bets.  just for a short time though.  soon he was back to losing much more than he was winning.  he began to drift out of control.  there was no stopping him.  madness seemed to hold sway.  madness to the point of not caring anymore.  then it happened.  very quickly on a saturday afternoon in the late fall.           

eddie catalina had weathered worse weekends but nothing quite like the past one.  in some sort of semi delusional death wish he’d taken his car and rent money and bet it all on 10 of the worse college football picks imaginable.  sure, some of them looked good and even made sense in that death wish sort of way.  but he knew he was in big trouble by mid afternoon on saturday.

the odd thing was he really didn’t care.  the third floor walk up in the eastern part of downtown los angeles and his 10 year old car had lost whatever luster was left or ever had been there.  things had tumbled out of control and he was resigned to what would come soon enough.

another strange thing was he didn’t even have the car or rent money anymore.  after losing the game that tilted the deal below what would mean busting out even he had taken the car and rent money and blown it all and then some.  that was even before the total disaster became, oh so apparent.  all the money he had was blown on a bizarre drunken whore mongering night in the illegal after hours mexican ‘nightclubs’ in his neighborhood.  a long night that found him drunk, alone and asleep at his kitchen table around noon sunday.

the pounding on the door woke him up.  it took a second or two to realize it was morning, the sun was up, and he was still drunk.  very drunk.  stumbling to the door he opened it.  two thugs pushed their way inside.  the larger of the two shut the door and stood by it.

the smaller one spoke.

so where were you last night?  it looks like getting drunk on your sorry ass.  and that’s no excuse.  there are no excuses.  you know the rules.  payment is due on all bets at midnight sharp.  pay up now plus another $1,000 in vig for our trouble.  don’t fucking piss don vincenzo off any more than he already is.

standing there in his under ware, head down looking at the floor he thought, good thing i’m still drunk.  maybe the broken bones won’t hurt so bad.

broken bones or maybe.  just maybe.  yes, a mad hangover haze grab for the rusty but loaded .357 under the three day old newspaper on the table.  for you see, as dawn had broke that sunday morning, lonely broke drunken dreams made him pull it out of the bottom of his old army duffel bag.  he’d passed out before he could use it.  now maybe.  just maybe.  he could make use of it for some other purpose.

the smaller man slapped him to the floor.  eddie used the table to help himself to his feet.  his hand slipped under the paper.  he gripped the pitted and splintered walnut pistol butt.  he spun around firing.  his finger pulling the trigger as fast as he could.  sound, smoke, and the smell of cordite filled the small room.

the two mobsters lay there bleeding their last seconds of life out onto the cracked yellowed linoleum floor.  eddie catalina’s troubles had only just begun.

jmh

eddie catalina pt 3

eddie had quickly changed.  thrown some clothes, the .357, and a few more rounds in a ratty suitcase then ran downstairs.  out on the street he spotted the shinny new cadillac sts.  in the distance he heard the sirens.  lapd was on the way.  he looked inside the car and saw the keys.  it was unlocked.  why not?  who would be stupid enough to mess with a mobster’s ride?  only a desperate eddie catalina.  he got in threw the bag on the passenger side floor then sped away.  the sirens and the lapd were getting closer.   

eddie had stolen the car and then somehow sold it twenty minutes later.  sold it for a nice piece of cash to a crack dealer eddie knew.  a crack dealer with an old steamer trunk full of stolen and cold license plates from every state in the union.  a crack dealer with visions of his own grandeur.  thirty more minutes later the car was in a warehouse getting chopped up into parts.  parts worth four times what he paid eddie catalina including a set of oregon plates. 

for eddie’s part he made his way to a used car lot where he’d paid cash for a seven year old mustang that needed body work.  the car looked like crap but it did run well.  very well.  the car dealer threw in a full tank of gas because eddie had paid cash.  what the hell, he could fix the books and pocket several hundred dollars for himself.

after pulling out of the car lot eddie made his way to a quiet alley and removed the red used car sticker from the rear window of the mustang.  eddie also removed the california plates and added his newly acquired oregon plates.  even though the plates were expired by several months eddie figured the cops wouldn’t care.  after all, he saw plenty of expired california plates every day.  the cops had more important stuff to do.  expired plates would be an added after thought for some other offense. expired oregon plates?  not a problem.

eddie hit the freeway with a new sense of urgency.  jesus.  he’d just killed two mob guys.  then stole their car.  thankfully, for a time the cops, and more importantly the mob, would be looking for the cadillac.  the mob would find out soon enough what happened.  the cops a bit longer.  eddie had maybe five or six hours.  maybe more.  at least he was now sober.

transitioning from the 10 west to the 405 north he was soon on interstate 5 and heading north at a speed where most of the chp’s on the road would leave him alone.  once over the grapevine and into the central valley he could open it up a little more.

which he did and he was now in elko, nevada and the stockmen hotel.  pacing, smoking, and thinking.  the only trouble was the thinking seemed to be getting stuck at the what next part.  his next move just wasn’t making itself very clear.  at least he felt somewhat safe in his room with a view. 

it was saturday and the hotel was busy.  busy with a native american indian wedding or something.  for some reason eddie figured them for paiutes.  he didn’t have any reason other than a hunch.  it didn’t matter much other than the fact with all of the paiutes around a few greasy italians in suits or $120 charlie sheen shirts would stand out even more.

all that being said, eddie was getting antsy.  he still had a good amount of cash but no plan.  no plan other than hitting another basque joint for another lamb dinner with all the traditional sides that night.  a few traditional picon punches as well.  maybe the TV would help soothe his nerves.  he turned it on.

a fall saturday afternoon.  television was all about college football.  with more games to come later in the evening.  what was he thinking?  strangely the college games did help soothe his nerves.  though they did nothing to help him come up with a plan. 

he sat a chair in the middle of the room where he could stand up and check out the front and side views while he watched the games.  he called room service and ordered some ice and a bottle of vodka.  he might as well be comfortable.  sure why not?, eddie thought.  after he’d lost those mob boys in stockton he could have gone anywhere.  eddie hoped they felt the same way.

jmh                 

eddie catalina pt 4

after a few drinks and south carolina had defeated the favorite alabama, eddie decided it was time to move a bit.  go outside, look around, take a walk.  he left things as they were in the room.  including the TV tuned to a football game with the volume loud enough for someone to hear the game if they stood just outside the door.

he grabbed a jacket and headed out to the elevator.  the paiutes, if that’s who they were, where pretty much everywhere in the casino.  he thought of asking one of them what was up and if they were paiutes.  that thought was quickly discarded.  better to just mind his own business and stay under the radar.  everyone’s radar. 

when he arrived at the lobby he stopped once again to read the newspaper articles that were posted under glass there about john wayne.  it also gave him a few minutes to see if anyone was interested in him.  no one seemed to care.  he was still curious about the john wayne connection though.  maybe he would ask when he checked out.  that is if he didn’t just leave without saying a word.

as he walked through the small smokey casino the old lust for gambling hit him like a short left hook to the belly.  in fact he almost doubled over.  easy he thought, this wasn’t the time to get lost in a gambler’s haze.  though something did catch his eye towards the back of the casino and the rear exit. 

it was a tiny sports book.  probably the smallest he’d ever seen.  the book employee was even wearing a black and white football referee’s shirt.  low end and campy but the board behind the man had all the college games and tomorrow’s pro games.  a simple white board with numerous boxes on it.  the games had been written in with a black magic marker.  the spreads as well along with the over and unders.  low end for sure.  but none the less all above board and legal.

he stopped to look at the games and the odds.  of course, he should have kept on walking but what was the harm?  the employee greeted him and eddie spoke.

how long will you be open tonight?

we close right after the last game starts.

hawaii?

no, hawaii is off the board unless they’re playing here on the mainland.

ok.

eddie was still looking at the board.  there were a few games that were calling to him.  usc stanford for one and boise st had way too many points to cover was another.  maybe he could parlay some of the money left from the sale of the stolen caddie into something more.  he shook that feeling off as quickly as it it had come on.  what the hell was he thinking?  maybe it was the vodka.  he’d have to watch that.

he stepped outside into the almost late afternoon.  it was cool but the air was fresh after the stuffy casino.  he breathed deep.  coughed.  and lit another smoke.  he stood there smoking for bit just watching the light traffic and the few people out walking around enjoying the fall afternoon air.

the basque restaurant he wanted to have dinner in was just a short walk away down on the corner.  he made his way there and the smell of whatever was cooking inside made his stomach growl.  they were already open so he made his way inside to check the specials.  a smiling but harried lady asked him if he was going to eat.  he said no he was just looking at the specials for now.  the bar was almost empty and there were several TV’s on the walls all tuned to the usc stanford pre-game show. 

eddie decided this was the place to eat.  he almost told the lady he was ready to eat but the siren of the lonely little sports book was calling to him.  he turned and left the restaurant.  he quickly walked back to the hotel casino.  the man in the referee’s shirt was still there.  fortunately for eddie he was busy talking to another customer.  eddie hurried past them and went up to his room. 

once in his room he made himself a stiff drink and tried to settle down.  that damn gambling jones.  what a time to kick back in he thought.  maybe a shower would help.  the short hot shower did nothing to calm the siren in his head.  the vodka wasn’t helping either.  he put on his clothes and went back downstairs.

he should have gone out the entrance by the main desk and then taken the long way round the casino to the basque joint and his dinner.  should have being the operative words.  eddie walked through the casino and made a bee line to the small sports book.  the man in the referee’s shirt was alone.

can i still put some money on usc and boise st?

yes, you just made it.

good.  ok.  i want to put $1,200 on usc and take the points.  another $1,500 on new mexico and take the points. 

no problem. 

the employee efficiently took care of the money and the rest of the transaction.  he handed eddie his betting slip.

i’ll be closing in a short time so if you win come back tomorrow and i’ll take care of you.  or you can mail the slip in to the casino.  either way.

thanks.  i’ll do just that.  either way.  thanks.

not a problem.  have a good evening.

eddie put the slip in his wallet and made his way to the basque restaurant and dinner.

jmh   

       

eddie catalina pt 5

the short walk to the basque restaurant was uneventful.  however, by this time the small establishment was very busy.  the staff was having a hard time keeping up with all the food and drink orders.  eddie caught the eye of the lady he’d spoken to earlier and raised one finger.  then he pointed to the bar.  she nodded back at him. 

he made his way through a large party waiting for a table and found an empty chair at the bar.  eddie ordered a picon as he placed a twenty on the bar top.  the usc stanford game had already started.  eddie turned to watch it on one of the TV’s.  he also further checked the room and things seemed to be normal.

the bartender sat eddie’s basque drink in front of him and took the twenty to make change.  eddie turned back to the bar and sipped his drink.  liquid ambrosia even after the vodka.  he was going to need another one of these.  the crowd in the bar cheered.

eddie turned back to the game to discover stanford had scored a touchdown. unless you were from southern california most folks didn’t care for usc very much.  oh well.  at this point in the day the only thing eddie catalina cared about was the final score and did he win his bet or not.

on the ensuing kickoff usc fumbled the ball after a hard hit at the twenty five yard line.  stanford recovered the fumble.  the way things were going didn’t bode well for eddie or his bet.  especially after he noticed on the score crawl at the bottom of the screen that boise st had already scored 21 points in the first quarter.  good-bye $3,200.  or so it seemed.  he finished his drink in one gulp and raised the empty glass to the bartender.  who set about making eddie another picon.

the sinking feeling of his $3,200 flying away made eddie think about his predicament again.  he’d killed two mob boys in his apartment down in los angeles.  the l.a. cops were more than likely looking for him so they could ask him a few questions.  so, eddie, what’s up with the two dead guys on your kitchen floor?  eddie shuddered involuntarily. 

you ok, mister?

yeah, i’m fine.  just a chill.

here’s your drink.

thanks.  you can keep what’s left.

thank you. 

sipping his drink eddie knew the mob wasn’t going to be anywhere near as polite as the lapd would be.  the problem being eddie catalina was screwed if either of them found him.  though he doubted the cops would be looking for him in northern nevada.  not just yet anyway.  the mob?  they weren’t going away either but it was probably even money they were closer than the cops.  eddie shuddered again.  then he noticed the waitress beckoning him.

he picked up his drink and made his way back to the dinning room.  the place was even busier.  loud as well.  filled with happy diners.

the waitress led him to a table with four chairs.  there were already two ladies sitting in two of the seats.  eddie knew that most basque places sat you family style.  it wasn’t a problem.  the two women turned out to be a mother and daughter from boise who were on a road trip and had stopped in elko on the way home for some basque food. 

eddie ordered one of the specials.  oven roasted lamb neck bones.  along with a half liter of the house red.  the dinner came with the usual sides. soup, salad, tongue, a vegetable or two, french fries, spaghetti, and sourdough bread.  enough food for 4 or 5 people.  the ladies ordered an extra side of a delicious blue cheese which they shared with eddie.  the fine meal was accompanied by pleasant dinner conversation.  or as pleasant as eddie could muster under the circumstances.

the roasted neck bones turned out to be outstanding.  eddie was glad he had ordered them.  he learned long ago to order off the specials board in a basque restaurant.  even better was getting to know the owner who would throw in extras or let you request something off the menu or specials board.  eddie was stuffed.  the ladies declined dessert.  though when eddie heard they served bread pudding, which the waitress said was to die for, he groaned and ordered one.  the serving was huge and delicious.  

the ladies said goodnight and eddie ate his dessert alone.  when he finished he went back to the bar and ordered a frangelico and soda to help with his digestion.  it would also serve to help ease the pain of his misguided football bets.  by that time in the evening it was obvious he had lost his $3,200.  the only thing that could save the money would be divine intervention.  which was something that rarely happened.  at least with eddie.

sated he somewhat stumbled from the restaurant and out into the street.  it was noticeably colder now.  and there were fewer people out and about.  eddie pulled his jacket tighter around himself and started walking.  the last place he wanted to be was in one of the cat houses a block or so from the basque restaurant.  but that’s where he found himself, several minutes later, in one of the houses.             
he sighed and mumbled to himself that he was pretty well fucked up and he had fucked up big time by wandering into the joint.  he almost turned around but didn’t.  instead he went to the bar.  at least it was warm inside.  the bartender spoke. 

what’ll ya have?

ah, yes.  ah…um…brandy rocks.

coming up.

the place was empty save for eddie and the bartender.  as the bartender turned from eddie to make him his drink he rang a bell.  crap.  eddie thought, here they come.  not long after that 3 or 4 ladies showed up.  eddie wasn’t sure just how many there were.  it may have only been two and he was seeing double.  at any rate, he told the ladies thanks but no thanks.  he was just having a drink then he’d be on his way.  and no he didn’t want to buy any of them a drink.  the ladies cleared out pronto.

eddie sipped his drink and talked college football with the bartender.  one of the ladies came out again and sat at the bar.  eddie ignored her.  already drunk he at least knew compounding mistakes wasn’t going to do any good.  he finished his drink.  dropped a jackson on the bar and somehow or another made his way back to the hotel and his room.  tomorrow or more to the point today was another day.

jmh
     
           

eddie catalina pt 6

barely managing to get out of his clothes. eddie fell into bed. his clothing ended up in several piles scattered about the large room. too drunk to dream he was none the less woken-up several times by the large loud saturday night gambling and drinking crowd as they yelled, screamed, and carried on out in the parking lot. that along with the buzz of the hotel neon sign just outside his slightly open window which sounded, to eddie, like music as the inert gas pulsed through the glass tubing. suffice it to say eddie didn’t have a restful night.

he was up before dawn and hung over. he stumbled about the suite looking for the coffee maker. then he realized there were no coffee makers in the rooms at the stockmen. instead they had several large military size and style coffee makers down in the casino. want a cup of joe? you had to go downstairs and score it yourself.

it took eddie several more minutes to find the appropriate clothing from the various piles in order for him to make the trip. after he managed to get dressed he went down to the casino for the coffee. he left the room door slightly ajar so he wouldn’t have to use the card key while carrying the coffee back into the room. eddie figured since he was making the trip he should get all the coffee he could carry. fortunately, the casino was empty with the exception of a couple of drunks asleep at two slot machines.

eddie dumped the first styrofoam cup of steaming coffee on the floor while trying unsuccessfully to add creamer to it. the drunks slept on. he tried again. this time he was more successful so he filled a second cup as well. he even managed to get both cups of coffee up to his suite without spilling anymore or burning himself.

he sat at the table by the front windows drinking the coffee and trying to get straight. about halfway through the first cup he noticed a commotion coming from a bar across the parking lot and to his right. a clot of people had stumbled out of a the bar and on to the sidewalk. it was just after 6:30am. the sky barely turning light. from what he could hear through the open window the voices seemed to be speaking spanish. the people had come out of a building with a simple sign that read, slots and bar. they must have spent the night drinking and gambling in there.

he watched in almost dumbstruck awe as several of the people fell face first onto the sidewalk. they just laid there while the rest of the folks talked loudly and waved their hands wildly about. one of them, a man wearing a large cowboy hat, peeled off from the group and stumbled off to his car. stumbling and zig zagging across the parking lot. he stopped in front of a pick-up. fumbled for his keys. dropped them. twice. then managed to finally get the driver side door open. it took several tries for him to actually get inside the truck.

eddie couldn’t take his eyes off the spectacle unfolding before him. the drunk man finally got the truck started. turned on the headlights and drove away. amazing, eddie thought. although he had probably done the same thing a time or three himself. in particular the night and morning before he’d killed the mobsters.

he was working on the second cup of coffee when two cabs pulled up in front of the bar. the crowd of drunks began to get in both of the cabs. the two drunks who had fallen face first on the concrete got up like nothing had happened and joined the people getting into the cars. bloody amazing, eddie thought. only in the world of drunks and gamblers.

by the time the second cup was empty eddie was feeling almost normal. he was even beginning to feel hungry. a good sign. dumping the empty cups in the trash he got up. used the restroom then made his way back downstairs. there was a coffee shop a few feet from the elevators. he got out of the elevator and bumped into one of the paiutes. the indians were up early and there was already a line for the restaurant. not wanting to wait and not wanting to be to be the only non indian in the group eddie decided to go across the parking lot to another casino and eat breakfast there.

the walk in the cold morning air further sobered him up and increased his appetite. he stepped inside the commercial casino. it was almost deserted as well. he walked by the hotel’s claim to fame, a stuffed polar bear under glass standing on it’s hind legs. it had to be almost twenty feet high. eddie stopped to gawk at the dead animal just like everyone else did the first time they laid eyes on it.

pulling himself away he went into the semi busy coffee shop. he was seated and ordered a ham and cheese omelet and a large glass of milk. once it arrived and he started eating it he was sorry he had ordered it. he wasn’t as hungry as he thought and the food wasn’t very good. gagging he did manage to finish a third of the omelet along with the milk and half a piece of toast and jelly.

he paid his tab. left a tip. then made his way back across the parking lot that separated the stockmen and the commercial. luckily for him he noticed out the corner of his eye several over dressed men smoking and talking about fifty feet to his right. there was no mistaking it or them. mobsters. they had found him. holy crap, he thought as he quickened his pace across the lot. he began to wish they were the cops.

jmh

eddie catalina pt 7

as eddie began his trek across the parking lot he tried not to hurry or do anything to call attention to himself.  he figured he was lucky he had gone into the commercial for breakfast.  the mob guys probably didn’t think he would be coming from that direction.  and by the way they were clustered up eddie thought they were just setting up for the job at hand.  the job to find and kill him.

how had they found him so soon?  simple really he thought.  either the man at the sports book last night or someone in the cat house.   or maybe even both.  god, he was stupid and probably deserved whatever the mob had planned for him.  maybe he should just go up to the suite and call the local law and take his chances with them.  no, that was stupid as well.  think eddie.

once inside the hotel lobby he saw only the paiutes and a few more leftover drunks from the night before.  no mobsters.  eddie wondered if they would actually come into the hotel to find him and take him.  he took a chance and stopped at the main desk.

good morning.  i’m up in 421.  has anyone been looking for me?

no, sir.  not that i know of anyway.  i’ve been here for about an hour and a half.

ok.  thanks.  ah, some friends of mine mentioned they might stop by.  if they do will you call me and let me know?  i’d prefer to come down and meet them here in the casino.   

not a problem, sir.

perfect.  here’s a twenty for your trouble.

no trouble at all but thank you very much.

eddie made a beeline to the elevator.  thankfully the wait wasn’t very long.  he rode up to the fourth floor with several of the paiutes.  he smiled but didn’t say anything.

once in his room eddie went to the window being careful not to stand to close to the opening.  the mobsters were gone from where he had seen them talking.  there must be one at each entrance by now.  maybe others as well.  he got his things together in preparation for a fast exit.  then he called housekeeping and told them he didn’t want his room cleaned today.  if anyone came to the door it would be the mob and not the cleaning lady.

from the side window he couldn’t spot any mobsters either.  though on the corner there was a bar and a group of bikers gathered outside.  eddie had noticed the signs yesterday about a poker run in memory of one of their fallen.  today was going to be sunny and warm.  a good day for riding a bike.  was it going to be a good day for eddie?

eddie thought again about just calling the police but by now that option probably wouldn’t do him much good.  he had run away after the killings. maybe if he had stayed in the apartment and waited for the cops back when it happened he might have gotten away with the killings.  maybe.  though the mob wasn’t going to forget.  ever.

he pulled the last smoke from the pack in his shirt pocket.  he crumpled up the package and tossed it towards the trash.   he missed and it rocked a bit on the carpet before it settled.  eddie looked for the carton of smokes and when he found the carton it was empty.  he crumbled it up as well and tossed it towards the can.  he missed again and the carton rolled to the wall and stopped. 

eddie needed smokes.  now was not the time to quit.  again.  maybe it was but he didn’t see it that way.  he thought about the predicament and decided to take the stairs down to the lobby and try to find a machine for some smokes.  and he hoped the mob guys were outside and not parked in the lobby or casino.  from the side window he had seen the corner of what appeared to be a supermarket about two blocks away.  he doubted he could manage to get that far with the mobsters around but it might become an option. 

finding the back stairs eddie slowly made his way down to the lobby.  the only people on the stairs were a few of the paiute kids playing kid’s games.  they paid him no mind.  once downstairs he slowly opened the door. he didn’t see any mobsters.  eddie couldn’t actually skulk around in the casino without attracting a certain amount of attention.  so he sucked it up and ambled as best he could out into the gaming area.

he asked a casino employee if there was a cigarette machine around.  the man pointed to a corner by the coffee makers.  eddie thanked him and walked over to the machines.  he didn’t see any mob guys on the trip over.  likely they were all outside, he thought.  after all he would at some point have to leave.  once at the machine eddie pulled a few dollars from a pocket and then realized the only smokes left in the machine were camel straights.  unfiltered camels.  this was not good.  he needed cigarettes but not honest to god real live cigarettes.  he hadn’t smoked one of them in many many years.

eddie walked back to the employee and spoke to him.

is that the only machine in the casino?

yes.  why?

there are only non-filtered camels in it.

really?  we were very busy last night.  busier than i thought.  sorry about that.  it rarely happens.  maybe once a year or so. 

will it get filled up again today?

sorry, pal.  the guy doesn’t come around till tomorrow afternoon.  you can try the bar across the street but you’d probably be better off going over to the market down a few streets.

yeah, i’ve seen it.  thanks anyway.

sure.  nice day for a walk.

ah, yeah, right.

eddie returned to the machine and bought a pack of the camels.  he opened it there and pulled out one of the short cigarettes and lit it.  he immediately started coughing and thought, this isn’t going to work.  he also thought since he was downstairs he ought to check the exits for mob thugs.

he picked up a free paper and walked around pretending to read it while he smoked and coughed.  the camel was making him a bit dizzy.  he stood near the front desk and noticed two men smoking and talking out on the sidewalk.  they didn’t blend in with the paiutes or the rest of the hotel crowd.  mob guys.  going back through the casino he noticed one mob soldier standing by the casino entrance door.  two for two.  probably at least one more at the side entrance by the sports book.

eddie was screwed.  what the hell had he been thinking?  why hadn’t he spent just one night in elko and then out on the road again?  or better yet why hadn’t he just talked to the cops?  hindsight.  it always make you crazy.  or in eddie catalina’s case, crazier.

back up in his suite eddie lit up another of the non-filter camels.  he was going to have to figure something and fast.  he needed smokes he could actually enjoy smoking and he needed to get the hell out of elko.  as he stood smoking he noticed there were quite a few more bikers at the bar across the street.  bikers and their biker harley’s.  they weren’t your run of the mill sunday biker who took the wife for a ride and a brunch some place.  no, these guys were the real deal.

eddie smiled and stubbed out the camel.  picked up his stuff and went downstairs.  he used the back stairs again as he didn’t want to pass the front desk with bag in hand.  he was leaving but he wasn’t checking out.

once back in the casino he went towards the sports book and the rear side entrance.  he got about three feet from the door and spotted the mobster on guard duty.  eddie stopped.  he knew this was his only shot at ditching the mobsters if only for a little while.  eddie steeled himself.  then he ran into the door and flung it open.

the mobster was startled and almost fell over.  he steadied himself and yelled after eddie, who was about halfway across the street.  the three other mob men were already turning the casino corner.  eddie made it to the other side of the street and up on the sidewalk.  he was running for his life. 

the mob soldiers ran across the street giving chase.  eddie rounded the corner of the bar and ran for the parked bikes.  there were several rows of the shinny hogs lined up in the parking lot.  it had been years but eddie catalina had once ran track and at one time was an accomplished high hurdler.  he made the correct calculation inside his head and easily hurdled the parked bikes.  hit the pavement on the other side and kept on running.

the mob guys weren’t so lucky.  years of breaking bones and shooting people had left them way south of any athletic ability if there had ever been any to begin with.  all of the mobsters crashed into the the parked bikes.

eddie didn’t look back.  eddie catalina was in the wind.

jmh

eddie catalina pt 8

eddie just kept on running until he turned the corner and into the supermarket parking lot.  breaking hard he almost fell.  winded but no worse for wear he walked around a bit trying to catch his breath.  once he’d done that he walked into the store and bought a carton of camel lights.

after his purchase he went back outside to the sound of sirens.  very close sirens.  he lit a smoke and casually walked around a corner and up to idaho st.  one of the main east/west streets in elko.  he turned left on idaho.  several police cars whizzed past with sirens and lights blazing.  they all turned south on 4th ave.

when eddie got to 4th he looked around the corner.  what he saw was a scene from just about any run of the mill riot.  the bikers, and there were a number of them, had descended upon the hapless mobsters for tumbling into their bikes.  the mobsters were seemingly being beat senseless.  elko’s finest had just begun to wade into the fray to try and quell the beatings.  it was madness.

eddie kept walking on idaho until he got to the next corner.  he turned south. walked down to commercial and went into the parking lot of the stockmen.  it seemed as if the hotel and casino had emptied out into the lot as hotel staff, paiutes, gamblers, and drunks had all come outside to watch the show unfolding over on the next street.  no one paid any attention to eddie.

eddie found his mustang.  got in.  fired it up and pulled out of the lot.  he slowly drove up to idaho thinking hard.  he needed to get out of elko.  and he needed some sort of a plan.  a better plan this time around. he turned left onto idaho.  he was going to take 80 again but this time back to the west.  canada or san francisco had come to mind.  he’d worry about that later. 

before he got back on interstate 80 eddie stopped to fill the mustang up with gas.  he grabbed a few candy bars and bottled water as well.  then he made his way onto the quiet interstate.  there few cars and eddie pushed the mustang up to near 85 then settled in for the drive.

twenty or thirty minutes later eddie was eating one of the candy bars while trying to figure out his next move.  the figuring wasn’t going well when he heard a loud thud under the hood and steam began to pour out of the engine compartment.  by the time he pulled over to the side of the road the temperature gage was pegged out in the red zone.

just what i need, eddie thought.  he popped the hood and got out of the car.  gingerly opening the hot hood he released more steam into the chilly morning air.  man, i don’t like the looks of this, was another thought.  as the steam cleared he could tell all the belts were intact.  what was the problem?  then he saw it.  a gaping hole where the water pump used to be.  the pump had self destructed leaving eddie catalina stranded out in the middle of nowhere nevada.

he spoke out loud, another fine mess.

sighing heavily he closed the hood and looked east and west.  no traffic in either direction.  he thought once the mobsters were able to travel again they would probably head west.  getting a tow to someplace where the water pump could be fixed might take most of the day.  and most of the money he had left.  plus standing around on the west bound side of the highway waiting probably wasn’t a good idea.  passing pissed off and beat up mobsters just might notice him.

eddie picked his stuff from the car and crossed the median to the east bound side of highway 80.  he was going to try and hitch a ride back into elko.  finding a small tree he stood by it.  he might be there awhile and the tree offered some shade and hid him from the traffic traveling west.

one candy bar and a bottle of water later he got lucky.  a rancher in an beat up pickup stopped and gave eddie a ride back into elko.  the old rancher offered to call a tow truck for eddie but he declined saying he’d take care of it once they got to elko.  luckily for eddie he had the presence of mind to toss the old .357 and the few rounds left into a ditch running past the tree.  the ditch had water in it.  it would be a long time before anyone found the pistol.  if ever. 

eddie stayed quiet until he had a plan.  he told the driver to drop him off at the mountain city highway exit.  he was pretty sure the elko airport was just a short walk away from the exit.  maybe he could catch a plane and be gone by the time the mob got it back together.  either on the road or by air. 

the rancher dropped him off then headed back on his own business.  eddie walked to the airport and into the terminal.  searching the small arrival and departure board he found a flight to san jose that was leaving in half an hour.  he bought a ticket for the half full flight.  with only a carry on he had no trouble making the flight.  sadly, he was going to leave the mustang behind.  there was no time to fix it or sell it.  eddie had to keep moving.

once in the air eddie fell asleep.  fitful dreams of pissed off mobsters and angry cops left him tired when he woke up as the plane was making it’s approach into san jose.  after landing he found another flight.  he was fast running out of cash but he had saved some by stiffing the stockmen for half the room rate and his room service tab.  there was still some money left maybe enough to keep him going for a week or so if he was careful.  no time to worry about that now.

his flight number was called and he joined the line of fellow passengers walking into the covered gangway.  after all the passengers were onboard a stewardess had them all buckle up then told them the flight to ontario would take about an hour or so.  eddie was heading back home.  what was that old saying?  something about hiding in plain sight.  just what eddie catalina was planning on doing.

jmh   

eddie catalina pt 9

it was warm and the air clear.  due to a slight santa ana and the warm winds coming out of the east.  eddie catalina stepped off the plane and back to the city from where he had come.  he’d left years ago vowing to never return.  well, never say never he thought.  here he was back again.  no where to go and almost broke.  no prospects either.  jesus, when things spiral out of control they spiral until the wings fall off.  then it’s a free fall until the sudden stop.  eddie was beginning to wonder when the sudden stop would come.

the airport had changed since he was last there.  he could tell a new terminal had replaced the old one at some point long ago.  when was the last time he had flown in or out of ontario?  probably the flight to oakland after his leave home before vietnam.  no, that didn’t make sense.  had to be his flight from oakland after his return from vietnam.  a long time ago.

standing out on the sidewalk smoking with no plan in mind wasn’t a good idea.  eddie figured there probably wasn’t anyone still living in the area from the old days.  and he couldn’t just grab a cab and ride around all day and night looking for something or someone that probably wasn’t there anymore.  a cheap hotel seemed to be his only option at the moment.  a very cheap hotel if he didn’t find some money soon.  he walked out to the curb as a cab pulled up.  eddie told the cabbie to find him the closest cheapest hotel or motel. 

the cab dropped him off at a motel not far away from the airport on east holt.  it was a run down joint that looked like it catered to hookers and druggies.  eddie wasn’t surprised.  some things never change even with progress.  eddie paid the cabbie and went into the dingy office.  it smelled of tobacco, stale sweat, a tinge of blood, and a lot of tears.  gag reflex was the only other thing that came to his mind.

yeah, can i help you?

i suppose.  i need a room for a couple of nights. 

we got a couple.  one up one down.  take your pick.

up i guess. 

214.  take the stairs to the left.  that’ll be $66 for two nights.  if you decide to stay longer i’ll cut you a rate for weekly or monthly.  take your pick.

ok.  thanks.  i’ll let you know.

sure.

eddie counted out the money which left him with somewhere near the one thousand dollar mark.  when you’re on the run money seemed to just vanish.  the thought of calling the lapd again flashed through his tired mind but he quickly forgot about it.  he took his key and went up to his room.  hopefully, it wouldn’t become his home.

it wasn’t much of a room and it smelled like a well used ashtray that had never been cleaned.  a good thing eddie had started smoking again.  there was also a shabby bed covered by an even shabbier spread with all manner of stains on it.  several large holes in the dirty shabby carpet as well.  he would have to be careful at night.  his inspection of the bathroom was somewhat of a surprise.  compared to the rest of the room it was a diamond in the rough.  eddie tried the tv set next which worked and offered basic cable along with a free porn channel or two.  yeah, hooker haven for sure.  so much for quiet nights.

he lit up as he sat at the cheap table that over looked the parking lot while hoping the chair he was sitting in wouldn’t fall apart.  as he sat there smoking a car pulled into the lot.  an old beater for sure but the lady driving wasn’t. 

the car parked in the spot directly under eddie’s window.  a youngish black woman got out and came up the stairs.  eddie had a thought and he needed to hurry.  he was up and outside his door when the lady passed by.

hi, sugar.  you looking?

i’m looking but not for what you have in mind.

really?  so what you want?

i’m looking for a ride over to claremont.  if you’re interested in that proposition i’ll buy you dinner later.

harrumph.  i’ll think about it.

eddie watched as the lady walked down to her room.  he turned and went back inside his room thinking, another fine mess to go along with his first day of hiding in plain sight.  moving back to the rickety chair he lit another cigarette.  eddie sat smoking, thinking, and staring into the distance.  shambles.  his life was nothing more than a massive shambles.  lighting another smoke with the butt of the other one eddie picked up the phone.

he dialed 9 for an outside line.  then 0 for an operator.

operator.

can you connect me with lapd homicide?   

one moment, please.

eddie sat smoking while waiting for the call to go through.  when it finally did he heard.

robbery homicide.  lt. marvel january speaking.

this is eddie catalina.  i believe you’re looking for me.

why yes we are, mr. catalina.  we need to have a talk.  where are you calling from eddie?

i’m in room 214 at the day night inn on e. holt in ontario near the airport.

marvel put his hand over the phone and told another detective to call the ontario police and have them send over a black and white asap to baby sit eddie until lapd could arrive.   

eddie, i’m sending the ontario police to your motel.  they’re going to sit with you until we get there.  at this point eddie you’re just a material witness.  ok?  you won’t try and pull anything stupid now will you?

no, lieutenant not a chance.  i’m not armed and i’ll have the door open waiting for them.

eddie heard a police siren a short distance away.

good, eddie.  that’s good.  i’ll stay on the line until the officers are in the room with you.  ok?

sure.  whatever you say.

eddie lit another smoke as the ontario squad car sped into the lot.  the arrival of the police took a small group of people by surprise.  the group hurriedly began to disperse.  eddie got up and opened the door then sat back down. 

lieutenant, they’re here.

good.  just relax and don’t do anything stupid. 

eddie heard the cops running up the stairs.  they paused at the open door and told eddie to show them his hands.  he sat the phone down showed them his hands then stood up.

turn around slowly, sir, and put your hands behind your back.  we’re going to cuff you for your safety and ours.

not a problem officer. 

after eddie was cuffed the ontario cop picked up the phone and told lt january the situation was under control. 

thank you, officer.  we’re on our way.  just sit tight.  we’ll be there as soon as traffic allows. 

the ontario cop hung up the phone then sat eddie back down on the chair.  it was over.  finally.  it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from eddie’s shoulders.  eddie sat and watched the cigarette smoldering in the ashtray.  the smoke drifted up and out the open door.   

jmh

eddie catalina pt 10

lieutenant marvel january had been a cop for 26 and a half years.  he always added the half or the quarter or whatever it amounted to.  he thought it was important to do so.  he wasn’t sure why.  he just did it.

marvel found his partner, sgt mick johns, in the men’s room and told him they had to roll.  eddie catalina had just called from ontario and the ontario pd were sitting with him.  johns zipped up and said.

no shit?  eddie called huh?

yeah.  couple of minutes ago. 

he say anything?

no.  i did most of the talking and he just agreed to stuff.

man, this job is amazing at times.

the two men made it down to the street and their 7 year old crown vic.  old but still newer than most of the other detective barges.  marvel was a good cop who closed cases and he knew things.  hence, the newer ride.  and he took care of the vic.  he took it home a few times a year and hand waxed it himself.  though he told the rest of the unit he paid to get it done at a car wash near his place.  no one ever suspected a thing.  the lieutenant got in the passenger seat.  he rarely drove and he sure as hell wasn’t going to drive way out to ontario and back.  not today anyway.  besides johns was a good driver.  the sergeant spoke.

lights?  siren?

sure why not.  we can’t have an ontario black and white tied up too long now can we?

both men buckled up and the car sped away from the curb.  first the lights then the siren.  johns also tapped on the horn as he made a wide left at the first intersection heading towards interstate 10 east.  january smiled as the car skidded around the corner.  they always got some looks when johns was in his mario andretti mode.  marvel figured they must be a sight.  an old shinny cop barge.  lights.  siren.  screeching tires.  a very large black man in the passenger seat more or less lounging and a big white guy driving while pounding on the steering wheel not unlike popeye doyle in the movie ‘the french connection’.

with half closed eyes january gave his partner a semi sideways look and said.     

try not to kill anybody before we hit the freeway.  ok?

i haven’t yet.  and i don’t plan on it today.  all i need is some room to move.  take a nap.  ok? 

that was their standard and usual mantra whenever they first went code 3.  after that they both settled in for the ride.  lt january lost in his own thoughts and sgt johns ripping up the road and scaring the citizens.  the lapd brass had given up trying to get the two of them to change.  marvel january and mick johns got results.  regardless.

once lapd figured out they had two dead mobsters on their hands.  and one of them an upper level hood the case had been handed over to lapd’s elite robbery homicide unit.  lt marvel january and his partner mick johns in particular.  two old hands at getting results and closing the book on lala land weirdness as marvel was fond of saying.  though this one had eluded them so far but that was about to change. 

when they hit the freeway the sargent turned off the siren and only used it occasionally to get people to move out of their way.  the lights stayed on.  by the time they made it through west covina the traffic had thinned out some and johns made up for lost time.

we’re flying low now, partner.

marvel just grunted and kept his eyes closed. 

once over kellogg hill and down into the pomona valley johns was able to take the car pool lane again and stay in it.  he blipped the siren once or twice to move cars out of the way.

almost there loot.

let’s see.  take vineyard.  not archibald.  then hit a left at holt.  i’m thinking you’ll see the place on the right.  hit the siren as we pull into the lot.  the patrol guys should bring him out then.

sure.

the crown vic left the freeway and made it’s way to the cheap motel.  johns hit the siren once as they entered the parking lot. the two ontario officers walked eddie out of the room and down the stairs to the waiting lapd car.

thank you, officers.  we’ll take over from here.  sergeant, get your cuffs on mr. catalina so the ontario guys can get theirs and head out on patrol.

while that was going on marvel spoke again.

eddie.  i’m lt marvel january lapd robbery homicide.  this is my partner, sgt mick johns.  you sure as hell made my day when you called.  i was beginning to have visions of being transferred out to hollywood vice.  ok.  here’s the deal.  you stay cuffed and we take you back to l.a.  just sit tight and don’t say anything.  ok?

ok.

you start talking and i’ll have to mirandize you.  i don’t wanna do that just yet.  capisco?  we’ll chat back at headquarters. 

sure.

sergeant, get eddie in the car and let’s get out of here.

the wind blew up a small dust devil as the crown vic sped out of the lot and headed west back toward downtown l.a.

jmh

eddie catalina pt 11

the ride back to downtown los angeles was uneventful.  no lights.  no sirens.  no talking.  eddie sat uncomfortably handcuffed in the backseat lost in thoughts of prison.  or worse.  mostly visions of a sad brutal end out on a prison yard somewhere.  he was safe for now but he knew that wasn’t going to last forever. 

after they arrived january and johns had taken eddie upstairs to a restroom and then to an interrogation room where he was cuffed to a table that was bolted to the floor.  the chair he was sitting on was bolted down as well. 

you ok?

yes, detective, i suppose.

hungry?  you want some coffee?

coffee would be good.  a little milk if you have it.

this isn’t starbucks.  powdered creamer.

with that mick johns left eddie alone again with his thoughts.

eddie yawned and tried to fight the image of his death at the hands of some prison inmate.  it wasn’t working.  not even close.

the door opened and lt marvel january entered carrying a cup of coffee. 

it’s not the best but it’s hot and it works.

he pulled a pack of camel lights from a pocket.  removed the cellophane wrapper from the top and opened the pack.  tapped one smoke up out of the pack and offered it to eddie.  eddie took the smoke and the lieutenant lit it for him.  he inhaled deeply as the detective watched.  the cop blew out the match and said.

there’s no smoking in here.  when you’re finished with your coffee use the cup for an ashtray.

ok.

you wanna talk to me or do you want me to read you your rights?

i’ll talk.

good.  just remember though, at some point i may have to read you your rights.  just so you know.  i need this job and so does my partner. 

lt january nodded to the mirror on the back wall.

none of this is being recorded.  at least not yet anyway.  you talk.  i listen.

eddie nodded his head.  mick johns turned on the video camera hidden in a corner of the room.

alright eddie what happened?

eddie finished most of his coffee then dropped the cigarette butt into the cup.  he looked at the pack of smokes and then at the lieutenant.   the lieutenant nodded and pushed the matches over to eddie.  eddie fumbled a bit but finally managed to light another smoke.

it’s hot in here.

your point?

yeah, ok. 

just talk to me.  i want all of it.  start with the day before every thing went south.

eddie catalina ran down the events leading up to and including the killings.  marvel january didn’t interrupt him.  eddie shrugged his shoulders and said.

that’s it.  then i ran.

where did you get the gun, eddie?

the army.  i brought it home from nam.  it was before they started to crack down on that sort of stuff.

yeah, alright.  i remember.  duffle bags full of pot and stripped down AK-47′s.  among other things.  where’s the gun now?

i guess it’s still west of elko in a ditch under water.  near where the nevada cops must have found my mustang.  on the other side of the road by a tree. i dumped a few more rounds along with it.

ok.  sit tight.  more coffee?  a sandwich? 

yeah, ok.  why not?

the lieutenant got up and left the room.  the sergeant turned off the video camera.   

mick.  get eddie some more coffee and a sandwich.  i’m going to call nevada.

sure, loot.

lt january went to his desk and made the call.

state police, lt estaben vacas speaking.

lt, this is lt marvel january lapd robbery homicide.

yes, lt.  to what do i owe this honor?

yeah, right.  um, by now, you fellows must have picked up an older model mustang west bound on US 80 outside of elko maybe a half hour or so.

perhaps.  let me check.

january heard the keys of a computer being hit.  after a moment the nevada cop was back on the line.

yes, we did.  one of our patrol units had it impounded yesterday.  he states it has a blown water pump.

that’s the one.

you know lt we’re having a bit of trouble tracking the owner right now.  we have the vin number, of course, but it has expired oregon plates on it that were stolen nine months ago down your way from a car in the disneyland parking lot.  the car itself looks like it may have come off a used car lot in east l.a.  we’re waiting on the feds and the prints.  a ton of them on the car.

the car did come off a lot down here.  it’s part of an investigation just, hang on to it for now, please.  it probably has nothing to do with anything other than someone we’re looking at bought the used car and then drove it up there to nevada.  the real reason i’m calling is to see if you can send someone back out to where the car was found.

i don’t see why not, lt.  what are we looking for?

a .357 magnum and a few rounds of ammo.  they should be in a ditch under some water near a tree on the eastbound side of 80 not far from where your trooper found the mustang.

alright.  i’ll get someone on it right away.  probably the officer who found the car yesterday.  he should still be on duty today and possibly in the area.  i’m assuming the gun and ammo should be considered evidence? 

very good.  yes, please. 

i’ll send an evidence tech as well.  though that will take a bit longer.
               
not a problem.  just bag whatever you find and hold on to it.  if we need it we’ll send someone up there to pick it up. 

i’m from southern california, lt.  if you need it i’ll bring it down to you myself.  a good excuse to visit a few relatives and hang out in some warm weather for a change. 

very well, lt.  thank you for your cooperation.  i’ll be talking to you again soon then.  if you do end up coming down here i’ll be more than happy to to buy you a drink and dinner for your trouble.

as soon as we have recovered what you want i’ll let you know.  good bye for now, lt.

lt january hung up the phone got up from the desk and stretched.  he let out an audible groan.  it had been a long day and it was about to become an even longer night.

jmh 

eddie catalina pt 12

by the time lt january got back to the interrogation room eddie had finished his sandwich and coffee.  before going in the lt told sgt johns about the phone call to nevada.  huddled together and combined with their hushed voices none of the other detectives in the squad room heard what they were discussing.  as the lt was about to enter the room he told mick to turn the video camera back on.

how was dinner?

just great.  almost like a good basque joint, lt.

good to see you still have a sense of humor, eddie.

what else is a poor boy to do?  i’m glad the running is all over.  but i’m a bit worried, to say the least, about what comes next.

well, tell you what, eddie.  a lot of that depends on you.

how so?

you’ll find out soon enough.  if i unhook you do you promise to be a model prisoner?  no bullshit.  tantrums.  or other crazy insanity shit?  you sit here like a gentleman or walk around the room if you like.  i’ll knock when i want to come back in again.  you hear a knock you go sit in that chair and be a choir boy.  alright?

ah, sure, ok.  what’s going on? 

like i said, eddie, you’ll find out.

with that the lieutenant unhooked the cuffs from eddie’s wrist and slipped them into his pocket. as he left the room he said.

you just be cool.  this might take awhile.  ok? 

i suppose i have no choice.

nope.

lt january closed the door and told mick johns to leave the camera running and keep an eye on eddie.  the sergeant nodded his ascent as the lt handed him back his cuffs.  marvel january went back to his desk to wait for the phone to ring.

after several calls and a little over an hour and a half of waiting his phone rang again.  this time it was the call he had been waiting for.

just a moment, lt.  mick, take eddie to the can and see if he wants more coffee or another sandwich.

sure, loot.

mick got up and knocked on the door.  waited a moment then entered.  eddie was sitting quietly in the chair.

come on, eddie.  restroom break.

eddie got up and the sergeant led him to the restroom. 

ok, estaban, what do you have for me?

the gun and rounds were right where you said they would be, marvel.  though i seriously doubt you’ll find any prints on them with the water and all.  but they are properly bagged tagged and awaiting your decision.

that was much quicker than i expected.

we have a new chopper that covers quite a bit of ground in a very short time.  a very nice time saving tool.  a nice gift from our at times friendly benefactors the feds.  we actually got two of them due to homeland security and our dams.

good for you guys, lt.  we could use a few ourselves.  traffic around here is usually horrible.  anyway, if it isn’t too much trouble lt can you deliver the evidence bag down this way?  asap? 

let’s see.  if i can get a flight to l.a. tonight i don’t see why not, lt.  i can use a break from the cold. 

i’m sorry it’s such short notice but i’m sure you know how things can work out.

it’s alright lt i’m always prepared to take flight as it were.  i imagine you are too.

you’re right.  it’s the nature of the game.

absolutely.  let me put you on hold and i’ll check for a flight right away.

marvel january didn’t say anything but heard a click on the line.  he was on hold.  he sat thinking and wondering.  soon he would know. 

lt?

yes.

if i leave right now i can be in l.a. by 9:30 this evening at the very latest.

very good.  airline and flight number?  i’ll pick you up myself.

southwest, number 1966.

see you when you arrive around 9:30.  that will leave us enough time for a quick drink and maybe a prime rib sandwich.   

i’m looking forward to it.

both men hung up and lt january went back to the interrogation room.  eddie was inside eating another sandwich and drinking another cup of coffee.

mick, the nevada cop will be here tonight.  i’m going to go pick him up. are you ok?  this could be awhile.

i’m good, marvel.  i’ll keep an eye on him and keep the lookie loo’s out of the way.  i’ll brush up on my ‘angry bird’ skills while i’m at it.

yes, i know you will on all counts, mick.  thanks, man.  i’ll be back when i’m back.  and mick, just in case the feds come sniffing around keep eddie inside and under wraps.  no more breaks till i get back.   

not a problem.  eddie and i will be here, loot.

lt marvel january removed his pistol from a desk drawer and put it in his empty shoulder holster then headed out the door.  the clock on the wall read 7:30.

jmh       
     

eddie catalina pt 13

marvel january found a spot at the curb near the southwest terminal exit doors.  his flashing lights kept the airport police at bay.  though a corporal did wander up to the car and ask if they could be of any assistance.  marvel politely declined.  the lieutenant also figured lt vacas would spot him easier with the lights flashing.  he got out of the car and stood by it on the sidewalk.

a glut of people began exiting the southwest terminal.  towards the end of the group a man dressed in a business suit came up to him and spoke.

lt january?  I’m lt estaban vacas of the nevada state police.

nice to meet you lt.  the pleasure is all mine.

the two men shook hands and lt january offered to put his counterpart’s small bag in the trunk.  with that accomplished both men got in the car. 

lt, i know a little bar not far from here where we can get an outstanding vodka martini along with a very good prime rib sandwich.  you up for it?

sounds good to me, lt.  lunch was a long time ago.  plus, i’m thirsty.

good.  we can talk there as well.

lt january easily maneuvered the crown vic through the early evening LAX traffic.  the lieutenants chatted amicably about police work and families as they drove to the small bar.  marvel parked the crown vic in a red zone near the front door of the bar.  he didn’t bother with the standard lapd placard.  to any cop on the beat the shinny crown vic could only mean lapd brass.  the car would be left alone.

as the men entered the bar the nevada cop spoke.

i was expecting a cop bar, lt.  this is far from the usual cop hang out.

glad you approve, lt.  my partner and i came across this place several years ago during a homicide investigation.  we’ve kept it to ourselves.  no sense ruining the place with the police.

good point.  and one that makes perfect sense.

the bartender was busy with a few customers at the bar but smiled warmly and nodded his head towards the two men.   while nodding and smiling back lt january held up two fingers.  marvel gestured toward a table at the back of the bar.  they could sit there and easily talk with no one close enough to listen in on their conversation. 

not long after they had sat down two ice cold martinis were delivered by the bartender.  marvel spoke.

thanks, jerry.  we’d like two prime rib sandwiches, please.  extra crispy fries for me.  lt?

sounds fine.

coming right up, gentleman.  and nice to see you again, marvel.

how’s your brother in law?

doing ok.  he often says he’s a lucky man, lt.

he might be that but i’m a better cop.  tell him i said hi.

sure thing.  i’ll be back soon with your sandwiches. 

lt january turned to estaban.

long story short, my partner and i cleared his brother in law on a murder beef back around the time we found this place.  it wasn’t even a tough nut to crack.  simple really.  but everyone is still grateful.

always a nice thing.  this place is really small.  where’s the kitchen?

they don’t have one.  just a reefer unit, small deep fryer, and a microwave.  ok, i see where you’re going.  jerry’s brother in law works at lawry’s prime rib.  they have so much leftover he skims some and shifts it over here.  yeah, i know.  it isn’t legal and the health department would frown on the whole deal but the stuff is as fresh as it can get and tastes great.  all in all another reason we don’t tell anyone about this place. and if the guys behind the bar hear anything we hear about it too.  it all works out.

big city cops at work. 

hahaha.  yeah, i suppose.  so tell me lt, you ever do any work dealing with the mob out there in nevada or is that a silly question?

not a silly question, lt.  everybody believes the mob doesn’t have much influence in nevada these days.  not after howard hughes bought everything up and the feds made a number of big busts back in the 70′s.  the mob is still alive and doing ok.  not by their old standards but making some bucks and giving us something to do when the other criminals are taking a vacation.

i see.  yeah, i’ve heard that.  we’ve still got our mickey mouse branch of la cosa nostra out here too.  mostly loan sharking and money laundering for the mexican and el salvadorean gangs.  some sports booking as well.  and a bit of narcotics thrown in with the asian groups too.  they make a mess of things at times but like you say it gives us something to do when things are quiet.

jerry the bartender delivered the two cops their prime rib sandwiches, extra crispy fires, two small bowls of au jus, and several tiny bottles of a name brand ketchup.

you gentlemen need anything else?  another drink?

no thanks, jerry.  we have some work to do this evening.  just box a sandwich order up to go for my partner, ok?

you got it, lt.

the two men ate in silence for a bit then lt vacas spoke.

hey, this is good.  almost makes the trip worthwhile. 

both men laughed and continued eating.  vacas spoke again.

you gonna tell me about the gun and the bullets?  and maybe the guy driving that mustang we have on ice in an impound yard?

lt marvel january smiled and said.

i thought you’d never ask, lt.

jmh                                      

eddie catalina pt 14

the two policemen finished their meal and talked quietly among themselves.  they seemed to be negotiating something or another.  it was hard to tell.  whenever anyone got close they were quiet.  though whatever it was they were discussing didn’t take more than half an hour.  at one point the two men shook hands. 

when they both got up lt january put several $20′s on the table.  he motioned to jerry the bartender.  who brought over a warm box with the fries and sandwich inside.  then he spoke.

you know, lt, i can tell when you’re wrapping up whatever it is that you’re talking about whenever you come in here.

you’re a good bartender, jerry.  one of the best.  i appreciate it and so does mick.  see you next time.

lt vacas shook jerry’s hand and the two cops went outside to the crown vic. got in and made the trip downtown.  with the light week night traffic they were there in no time.

lt january brought the nevada cop up stairs and handed sgt john’s his still semi warm sandwich with a nod and a wink.  he also introduced him to lt vacas.  the men shook hands and exchanged greetings.

our boy doing ok, mick?

good as he’s going to, loot.  he ate some more and dozed off for awhile.  but he’s awake now.  getting antsy though.

fine.  turn off the video recorder and eat your sandwich.  the lt and i are going in.

sgt john’s turned off the recorder as the two lieutenants went into the interrogation room.

hi, eddie.  how you doing?

ok, lt.  i guess. 

hang tight, eddie.  this will be over soon.  eddie, this is lt estaban vacas of the nevada state police.

hello, eddie.  i’ve heard all about your recent travels in nevada and your trouble with the la cosa nostra. 

hello, lt. 

you know the lt vacas and i just might be able to help you out some, eddie. 

oh?  really.  how so?

estaban, do you mind?

go right ahead, lt.  this is your house.

eddie, long story short, you did pretty much everyone a favor when you shot those two hoods.  especially us.  the mob isn’t happy but who cares?

marvel didn’t wait for an answer and kept on talking.

the lt and i have come up with a solution to your problem, eddie.  it may not be a permanent one but only time will tell.  that will be up to you.  more or less.

eddie sat there with his mouth open and a semi dumb struck look on his face as he fumbled around trying to shake a smoke out of the pack on the table.  he didn’t speak.

here’s the deal.  the lt and i don’t like the feds.  they come in then big foot around and make a mess of things generally speaking.  then they take whatever glory there is in anything they’ve mucked around in and screwed up.  simple federal logic.  and very annoying to any working cop.  trust me, the feds have been sniffing around this one from all the way back in washington, eddie.  they’ve been watching.  they think the mob is strictly in their purveyance.  sometimes it is.  but not this time.  even though one of the thugs you killed was rumored to be thinking about working for the feds.  you see where i’m going with this?

no.  not yet.  just keep talking.  i’m beginning to like the way it’s going though.

maybe eddie.  maybe.  you can sit here and stand trial for second degree murder or maybe manslaughter or something depending on the DA and take your chances.  let me tell you, your chances would be good.  probably.  only thing is there’s the feds.  they are the wild card, eddie.  if they like you they might put you in some witness protection program.  because eddie, you’d be needing that if you’re found innocent.  or they might just cut you loose.  worse yet you get some weird ass jury and you end up the river for a few years.  though odds are you don’t make the few years.  you know this.  right?  then there’s the fact one of those dead guys in your apartment was maybe going to cozy up to the feds.  plenty reason for them not to like you.  this whole thing could go even more sideways than it already has.  you following all of this eddie?

yeah.  sorta.  keep talking.

eddie, we’re giving you a choice.  help the lt and i here when we need it or take a shot at the jury system and the feds.  up to you.  you take the jury system and feds then i read you your rights, right here and now.  and the deal is gone.

i haven’t heard the deal yet.  just help you two whenever…talk about weird.  this is weird.

yeah, i guess so.  but it isn’t the first time i’ve done this.  it’s not kosher but it works and saves the taxpayers some money as well.  and eddie, it saves you from the feds and the mob and a stupid set of jurors.  regardless.  at any rate, here it is.

eddie finally managed to get the cigarette lit and he inhaled deeply.  he let the smoke out very slowly.   

you leave here with lt vacas and go back to nevada with him.

whoa, wait a minute.  i don’t like this…

let me finish, eddie.  you go back with the lt and work for us when we need you.  the rest of the time you’re on your own. 

this is blackmail.  extortion.  it’s…

crazy, eddie?  sure, i guess so.  that’s fine.  stay here.  stand trial and the whole time the mob knows exactly where you are.  every minute of every day.  even the big foot feds aren’t that good, eddie.  see where we’re going here?

holy crap.  how am i supposed to help you two? 

you’ve seen stuff, eddie.  here in l.a. and vegas.  you just point at pictures and maybe sometime point a guy out in person is all.  we take care of the rest.  best part of the deal is you’re a free man.  no one to answer to except the two of us here in this room. 

it doesn’t make any sense, lt.  you know who these ass holes are.  right?  just arrest them.  why do you need me?  i don’t get it.

eddie.  eddie.  eddie.  you want me to read you your rights or not?  simple as that.  yes or no.

jesus.  no, of course not.  what the…

good.  lt you want to take over?

sure.  eddie, you go back to nevada with me.  actually, the three of us go back to nevada.  the lt here is driving us back.  you see the deal is he’s going up there to pick up your .357 and the ammo you tossed in the ditch on eastbound 80.  we drive up because we can’t let you on a plane again until the other stuff is worked out.  eddie, you aren’t really on the books yet, so to speak.  understand?

yeah, i see.  you guys are rouge cops.  and i’m some sort of cop patsy.  or snitch or some damn thing or another.  i mean…

chill out, eddie.  or i read you your rights.  everything will work out.  trust us.

holy crap.  i don’t believe this. 

you don’t have to eddie.  just take the deal or start worrying again.

alright.  alright.  i’m in. 

the two lieutenants looked at each other and smiled. 

marvel spoke.

ok.  we need to move.  i can take care of my end on the phone while i’m driving.  estaban?

me too.  i just need to call the book store in tonapah to set things in motion.  i have a couple of days before i have to be back.

ok.  eddie on your feet.  let’s book.

the two men got eddie to his feet and moved him out of the room.  they kept him moving toward the elevators as lt january spoke to sgt johns.

mick, clean up the room but first get rid of the CD from the recorder.  then you take a few days off.  use up some of your comp time.  i’ll let you know when i’m coming back into town.

sure, loot. 

eddie was gently shoved into the elevator by the two cops.  he stood at the back of the box and didn’t speak.  he was too busy thinking to do any talking.  he turned himself in for this?  the last thing eddie heard as the elevator doors closed was the sound of a shredder eating a plastic CD.

jmh 

this is the final chapter to date of “eddie catalina”  as of today because at some point or another there will be more of eddie catalina.  thanks for reading and your support.  i appreciate it all very much.

copyright 2011 by john hauge    
     

should college football players get paid to play?

this little tidbit is getting some play.  it started last week with the big 10 or 12 or whatever commissioner saying he figures football players should get a stipend.  earlier this week the old ball coach, steve spurrier, jumped on the bandwagon saying he thinks college football players should be paid as well.  $300 a game to be exact.  this idea is getting even more play.  no pun intended. 

before i wade into this drama let me remind everyone that i love college football.  it is my favorite sit in front of the tube and watch deal.  it’s been that way for as long as i can remember.  i love the game.

i have trouble with these ideas.  yeah, i’m just a crack pot.  these kids are getting an almost free ride education.  yes, there are exceptions but it’s something most kids don’t get.  and yes some of them, mostly in the sec, might end up on the wrong end of a scholarship for various reasons.  like coaches and schools handing them out like candy at halloween then saying oops we really can’t use you.  sorry, we want it back.  but that is a drift.

these kids playing college football are supposed to be in school to earn a degree or am i missing something here?  let’s just forget about the fact you start paying these guys a rather large can of very nasty stinky worms will be opened.  not unlike pandora’s little box a long time ago.  but with probably pretty much the same consequences, a world turned upside down.

the larger of the elephants in the room would be, title 1X.  i also love women’s college softball.  and i’m quite sure the old ball coach and the comish aren’t thinking about paying them anything at all for anything.  regardless.  then there’s the fact most men’s college baseball scholarships barely cover anything at all.  ok.  so i’m drifting here.  in any case, it’s all relevant.         

why should we pay these guys money to play?  point being we shouldn’t.  the old ball coach says the players should get some cash so they can take their girlfriends out for dinner.  or maybe pay for their parents to fly to a game or something.  yeah, we would all love that.  what about the regular schlumps going to school sans any scholarship?  they’d like to be able to do the same thing.  most end up with a nice little 40 grand or so in student loan debt.  yeah, let’s feel sorry for the poor college football player who had to sell ohio st athletic stuff so they could score some nifty tats all over themselves.  please.

the college game has eroded just like society has in recent years.  they’ve gone hand in hand down the road to madness.  paying kids to play college ball is stupid.  there are so many of them in some sort of trouble every day it makes your head swim.  instead of paying them perhaps the schools should use the money to investigate the little darlings a bit more before they hand them the keys to the university.  they seem to end up pilfering fellow students laptops at some sort of maddening pace or committing even worse crimes against humanity and fellow students.

‘well, gee, i had to steal the laptop and rape those girls because i was drunk and i didn’t have any money left after i bought all that booze.  but i deserve another chance.  i’m a football player.  hoo rah.’  there ya go, pilgrims, that pretty much sums it up right there. 

it’s getting to the point where, and i’ve said this a few times the past few years, us old guys are probably going to abandon the sport we love if the insanity of the kids, coaches, commissioners, and college deans doesn’t get back on track.  they aren’t ozzy osborne and off on some crazy train they are, college football.  it’s become a very sad thing indeed. 

thankfully, it seems i’m not the only crack pot out here.  espn.com is running a poll today about this same thing.  should college football players be paid for playing?  at the time of this writing with 47,899 votes in, 62% of those voting are saying, NO.  cool.  let’s just hope somebody is listening and maybe even paying attention.

jmh                 

cocaine dreams ~ a love story

it wasn’t a bad place really.  an old two story victorian that somewhere along the line had been converted into a two unit rental.  jake lived on the second floor with a couple of other guys and the occasional girlfriend of one or more of them.  the house sat in one of the better neighborhoods of oakland, ca.  better neighborhoods were a dicey thing for oakland.  you might think it were so but that didn’t make it true.  not by any sane man’s standards.

not far from the old victorian was piedmont.  a small burg tucked into the hills of oakland and in fact actually one in of the few decent neighborhoods for several miles in any direction.  a sort of upscale village as it were.  jake liked going there to hang out and maybe get a take out vanilla sundae with vanilla ice cream from the ice cream parlor on the main drag in piedmont. 

jake would take the sundae up the main street that ended at st mary’s cemetery.  he liked the peace and quiet of the cemetery and the beauty of the old family mausoleums.  plus the view from the hilly cemetery of san francisco, the bay, and berkeley was spectacular.  it was a good place for reading, eating ice cream, taking photos, or just doing nothing.  of them all, just doing nothing was his favorite in the quiet and peaceful place.

one warm and clear spring day jake was up in the cemetery taking photos.  the clear blue sky and light were magnificent.  the old mausoleums were stark against the deep blue sky.  the miniature castles and cathedrals came to life that day in jake’s camera.  as the light and colors danced through his head he thought maybe he could even try to sell some of the photos.

jake was so engrossed in his picture taking that he stumbled over a young lady as he was walking backwards lining up a shot.  she had been kneeling down taking photographs of her own.

oh, i’m sorry i wasn’t paying attention.  are you alright?

um, i think so. 

here let me help you up.  how’s your camera?

after jake had helped the young lady to her feet they chatted awkwardly a bit before jake decided to ask the young lady if she would care to join him for a vanilla sundae down in the village.  amazingly she agreed.

the sundae was sublime as was the conversation once the awkwardness abated.  the two seemed to hit it off.  jake was more than pleased because since his return from vietnam he’d felt like he was on the outside of most things.  the ladies for sure.

this is fantastic.  who would have thought, a vanilla sundae.  how did you come up with this?

thanks.  but it’s not mine originally.  a musician friend of mine came up with it awhile back.

doesn’t matter, that sundae was great!

glad you enjoyed it.  um, ah, hey…you wanna head back to my place and smoke a joint?

sure.  sounds good.

jake and his new friend began to make their way back to the victorian just a few blocks away. 

it’s funny but i haven’t asked you your name.

stephanie.  it’s not that funny.

yeah, i know.  sure it’s not…

doesn’t matter.  you haven’t told me yours either.

i haven’t?

nope.

jake.  um, jake is my name.

shy jake.  that’s what i’ll call you. 

jesus.  great. 

it fits.

if you say so.

i say so.

once back at the victorian jake showed stephanie around the place.  even the back porch which included a nice view of the bay bridge. once the tour was out of the way jake proceeded to roll a joint.

i think you’ll find this to be some pretty good shit.

oh?  will i? 

ahhh, yeah…i mean…

silly.  see what i mean?

not really.

after jake was finished with rolling the doobie he lit it up and inhaled deeply.  then he passed it to stephanie who did likewise.  well, not the lighting up part.

ummm.  yeah.  very nice.  you have good taste.

thanks.  lucky me.  sundaes and pot.

ummmm.  yeah, sundaes and pot.  sort of out of order but still…very nice.

jake took a chance and the two new friends fell into each others arms and kissed deeply.  they paused only to finish the joint.  when the joint got down to the roach jake tried to put it in the ashtray. 

no you don’t.

huh?

give it to me.

jake handed stephanie the roach.  she proceeded to swallow it.  then chased it with some wine jake had found.

ah, sure.  very cool.

as men and women were want to do they kissed again and the afternoon went from there.  things took their normal course.  soon jake was in love, there was no denying it.  as for stephanie.  it was up in the air.  though they continued to see one another.  

when jake wasn’t seeing stephanie he hung out with some musician friends he knew.  hitting the music clubs or doing walking tours of downtown oakland on the weekend while drinking vodka from the bottle and smoking joints.  afterwards hitting up some place for a late lunch or early dinner.  downtown oakland was an amazing place on the weekend.  few people equaled less crime and more freedom to roam about.

one of jake’s stranger evenings without stephanie was with another friend and a night of drinking.  there was a restaurant and bar near the oakland/berkeley line.  the food was ok and the drinks were cheap during happy hour.  the food as well.  the two friends started their evening there then proceeded to a near by bar after happy hour was over in the restaurant. 

they spent the rest of the evening in the bar drinking and talking to the bartender and his buddy.  they were the only four people in the place the entire night.  they were also tossed out at closing time.  and way too drunk to be driving.  but that didn’t occur to them. 

they immediately got lost and some how or another ended up driving on a an old abandoned railroad siding that traveled between some light industrial buildings.  of course, they got stuck.  jake’s friends old pick up came to a sudden stop high centered on a mound of dirt in the middle of the old tracks. 

the friend said he’d go find a phone and call triple a.  jake stayed behind and messed around with the car jack, which he loudly broke at some point.  jake was raising such a racket workers were starting to come outside to see what was going on.  this freaked jake out.  he tossed the broken jack into the pick up bed and split to look for his friend. 

after a friendly encounter with a berkeley cop jake somehow managed to find his way to a still busy downtown street and a phone booth.  by this time it was well after 3am.  he called a musician friend who had a car.

hello??

hey, jimmy, it’s jake.

what the fuck?  ah, it’s after 3.

yeah, sorry.  look i’m stuck in berkeley.  can you give me a ride?

oh, man. 

i know.  look at it this way.  you have to get up soon anyway for your new day gig.

man.  jesus.  ok.  where are you?

shattuck and alcatraz.

alright i’ll be there as soon as i can.  you owe me, man. 

yeah, i know.  i’ll cook you and bea dinner some night.

the only thing jake heard was a click and then dial tone.  he stepped out of the phone booth and found a nearby bus bench sat down and waited for his friend.  he must have dozed off because the next thing he heard was the loud exhaust pipes of his friend’s vw.  then he heard his friend.

boy, do you looked fucked up.  get in.  i’m taking you back to my place.  you can sleep on the couch for awhile then you can walk home later today.

whatever.  thanks, man.

jmh

cocaine dreams ~ a love story pt 2

later that day jake was back at the victorian.  the phone rang.

hello?

hi.  it’s me.  come out and pick me up.  i’ll spend the night.  and there’s someone i want you to meet.

ok.  sure.  when? 

in a couple of hours.  i’ll make us something to eat then we’ll head back to oakland.

sounds good.  see you then.

jake hadn’t seen stephanie for a couple of days and he was excited at the prospect of seeing her that evening.  he wondered who she wanted him to meet.

the ride out to corte madera was uneventful and the simple meal was ready when he arrived.  the two ate while catching up on things.

you’re lucky the cop let you go.  what happened to your friend?

this is good.  he ran into the same cop and the cop called triple a for him.  after he made the call he let him go. then the cop runs into me.  amazing.  i was surprised my friend made it back to the truck.  i couldn’t find it again.  i finally found a phone and called jimmy.

men.  amazing.  let’s clean up and get out of here.

fine.

the pair made their way back into oakland to another victorian near downtown and lake merritt.  the place was stunning in the late afternoon early evening light.

your friend lives well. 

he does ok.  he and his wife live upstairs in the rental.  the stairs are over here.

what’s he do?

he’s a business man.  you’ll see.

from the landing by the front door the setting sun sparkled and danced on the water of the lake.  the door was opened by an attractive blond woman.

hi, stephanie.  come on in.  this must be your friend jake.

yep.  mary this is jake.

the two shook hands.

frankie is in the den listening to the new stones album.

the house was enormous but appeared to be smaller from the outside. 

wow.  amazing.  look at all of that redwood trim and it’s never been painted over.  it’s beautiful. 

yeah, we like it.  it’s one of the reasons we still live here.  that and the view of the lake.

jake could make out the strains of ‘exile on main street’ coming from behind a redwood door just ahead of them.  the three entered. 

hey hey, stephanie.  long time no see.

the two hugged.

hiya, frank.  this is my friend jake.

more hand shaking.

any friend of stephanie’s is a friend of mine.  how about a toot?

the four sat down around a coffee table and chatted listening to the stones while frank worked on the cocaine.

you ever do coke before jake?

once or twice.  i’m not sure if i got off or not.

yeah.  it does do that the first few times.  i think you’ll get the picture this time around.  help yourself.

frank had cut and lined out eight neat fat lines of the white powder.  he handed jake a rolled up one hundred dollar bill.  jake took the money tube.  settled in over a line of coke and stuck the tube in his left nostril.  closed off the other with his right hand and inhaled deeply.  he changed things around and sucked up another of the white lines. 

he settled back into the couch handing the rolled up money to stephanie.  by the time the others had snorted up the white powder jake realized he was high.  a slight euphoria had penetrated his consciousness and it began to grow.

very nice.

i thought you would like it, jake.  another line or two?

you bet, frank.

another small pile of the white powder was cut then lined out for the four of them.  ‘exile on main street’ and the stones played on.  ‘come on and be my little baby for awhile.’

jake, let’s buy a gram and head back to your place.

ok.  how much frank?

$40.  i have some of the same coke all ready to go.  i’ll go get it. 

jake paid the man then he and stephanie made their good-byes.  frank told them to stop by anytime.  jake was feeling good.  really good.  the best he’d felt in a long long time.  on top of the world.

nice people.

yes, they are.

the coke is even nicer.

stephanie smiled and said, i thought you’d enjoy it.  i need to pick something up.  let’s stop at the 7-11.

by the time they made the stop jake was flying.  and enjoying himself.

what are we looking for?

mr. bubble.

the bubble bath stuff?

yep.

hmm sounds like fun.

upon their return to jake’s place they snorted some more cocaine then made love.  afterwards stephanie suggested they take a bubble bath as there was no one else home at the time.  stephanie brought some pot, rolling papers, and the coke into the bathroom.  jake drew the bath and poured a good amount of mr bubble into the hot water.  they both climbed into the hot sudsy water and relaxed.  both of them enjoying the luxury and peacefulness of it all.  and the cocaine high.

very nice.

drying her hands stephanie said, ah huh.  dry your hands and roll us a joint.

sure.

jake proceeded with the task.  stephanie asked if jake had ever smoked any coke before.  jake said no. 

would you like to try it? 

sure, why not?

stephanie sprinkled some of the white powder on to the pot.  jake finished rolling the joint then fired the number with the added extra up.  stephanie was sitting at the other end of the tube watching jake as she sipped a glass of wine.

jake was already pretty well fucked up.  however, after the first hit of the cocaine laced joint he was beyond being simply wasted. two words came to mind, interstellar overdrive, though they didn’t stick around for very long.  but it didn’t matter much.  nothing mattered.  the electric jolts got more intense as the night shifted into the next day.  finally a dreamless sleep came from a mind refusing to work anymore overtime as the night began to give way to the sun.

jmh        
          

cocaine dreams ~ a love story pt 3

waking up and smoking a joint had become a ritual.  it was a good way to start the day.  that and several cigarettes.  when he wasn’t with stephanie he just hung out and collected his unemployment check.  a small sum but enough to keep him in food, drink, and drugs.  plus a roof over his head and gas for the car.  the car was paid for with the money he’d saved while in vietnam.

the chinese lady he saw at the state unemployment office every two weeks or so was very nice and semi amazed that he never secured a job with the leads she provided him.  as a vet, jake got a little more attention from the folks that worked there.  the thing is he never followed through on any of the leads.  jake’s reasoning being he had done his year in nam and he earned the right to screw off for another year courtesy of whoever.  he didn’t care.  though he knew enough not to say that to the nice chinese lady.  that would have been way to stupid.  even for jake.   

on occasion he made a little extra money working for a concert promoter doing odd jobs here and there for the guy.  like running errands and such. the promoter paid cash so there weren’t any problems with the state or anyone else for that matter.  plus jake got to see plenty of good live music. 

when jake did see stephanie they spent their time seeing frankie and mary, doing coke, drinking, smoking pot and having sex.  in jake’s words, all in all not a bad deal.  the only trouble being with jake is it seemed his times with stephanie were getting further apart.  jake knew why, he was in love and she wasn’t.  not a big problem really.  but a problem none the less. 

jake began to spend more time with jimmy and bea.  they all got along fairly well and bea and jake kept each other company when jimmy was working and stephanie wasn’t around. 

home alone late one morning jake was napping when the ringing phone woke him up.  it was stephanie.

hello?

hi.

hey, what’s up?

i called last night and you weren’t home.

yeah, i went to see ‘the godfather’ with bea.  the last showing.  got home sorta late.   

i was going to come over.

oh, sorry. 

how was the movie?  i hear it’s great.

best movie i’ve seen in years.  it was a zoo outside the theater. we…

a friend is dropping me off at mary and franks.  come by and pick me up later.  ok?  you can tell me the story tonight.

sure.  what time today? 

late afternoon.  i’m going to help mary with a sewing project she has.

alright.  see you later then.

bye.

jake was thinking stephanie wasn’t real pleased with him spending so much time with bea.  he’d tried to tell her that they were just good friends and besides why was she being so jealous?  she after all wasn’t even in love with jake.  or so she said.  women.

last night had been fun though.  the ‘godfather’ movie had been a spur of the moment thing.  jake had been hearing a lot of good things about the movie and called bea to see what was up.  she was home alone and jake invited her to go see the movie.  hell, he hadn’t seen stephanie in over a week.  bea agreed.

when jake picked bea up they snorted what was left of some coke jake had and smoked a joint of some killer weed a friend had given jake.  all that before they left for the movie theatre.  by the time they got to berkeley and parked they were both pretty well fucked up.  

look at all those people.  the line is around the corner.

jesus.  ok.  bea.  you get in line and i’ll go up front and see what the deal is.

jake wandered up to the box office.  it was like a mob scene from a movie. he was so stoned he wasn’t sure what the deal was.  he asked some of the people in the mob but no one else seemed to know either.  ah, yes.  berkeley in the 70′s.  so jake just stood there trying to figure out what was going on.  interesting thing was he was slowly getting closer to the box office window so he just went with the flow.

ten or fifteen minutes later he found himself at the window.

how many?

excuse me?

how many tickets do you want to buy?

oh.  sure.  ah, two adults.

jake got the tickets and hurried back to bea waiting in line.

god what a mob scene up at the window.  it’s crazy.  i’ve never seen anything like it.  people are like animals up there.  but we have tickets.

someone from behind him spoke.

you have tickets?

yeah, sure.

someone in front of them said.

this is the line for tickets.  you cut the line to get tickets??

jake looked at bea grabbed her hand and pulled her from the line.  they scuttled around the corner laughing hysterically.  the mob scene at the box office hadn’t changed much once they got there.  bea and jake milled around outside on the edge of the madness.  watching. 

a few minutes later a theatre employee came outside and said.

the current showing will be over in a few minutes. if you have tickets please, form a line right here.

he was pointing to the left side of the door.  jake grabbed bea’s hand again and they made it to the front of the line ahead of the others with tickets.  the employee then started to work on the box office window chaos.  finally gaining some control of the area around the box office.  the ticket selling then went on at a more normal pace. 

when the line they were in was finally let inside.  bea took over.

follow me.  i’ve been here before.

lead on, bea.

she made a beeline for the stairs and took them two at a time.  jake followed suit.  they found themselves in the loge section.  and in the front row.  the two middle seats.  perfect.

god are we lucky or what?

you can say that again.

the thoughts of the evening before made jake laugh out loud.  yeah, one hell of a night for sure.  he took a shower.  changed clothes.  locked up then left to pick up stephanie.

jmh   

cocaine dreams ~ a love story pt 4

as jake was pulling into a parking spot near frank and mary’s home he noticed frank getting out of his car parked in the tiny driveway.  frank spotted him as well.  jake waved and crossed the street. 

jake, my man.  you aren’t going to believe this.  i hope you’re ready for it.

sounds good.  i can’t wait.

the two men walked up the stairs and frankie opened the front door.  as always lake merritt sparkled below.  once the door was closed frankie became even more animated.

let’s go in the den.  you have to see this to believe it.  fucking amazing.

jake greeted the girls and they all followed frankie into the den.  once in the den frank waited for everyone to settle down then pulled out a solid rock of cocaine.  it must have weighed at least a half pound.  it was huge.  jake’s jaw dropped.

this my friends is 99% peruvian flake.  it doesn’t get any better than this. 

frankie set the rock of coke on a mirror.  then he found a new razor blade, one that was normally used for taking paint off windows.  he carefully cleaned the oil off the new blade then proceeded to slice very thin pieces of coke from the rock.  everyone watched with rapt attention.  then he took the slices and quickly and expertly minced them up on the mirror with the blade.  when he was finished he produced a short silver tube and handed it to mary.

ladies first.

after all of them had sampled the cocaine they sat back and enjoyed the rush.

frankie that is some amazing coke.  truly amazing.

glad you like it jake. 

damn straight.  i’ll take a gram.

make it two.  stephanie chimed in.

you got it.  so, mary how did the project go?

frankie started to work on the order.  mary got up and went into another room.  when she came back in she was holding a very stylish rock ‘n’ roll style jacket.  it was black with white piping around the collar and cuffs.  the lining was white silk.  she turned the jacket semi inside out and spoke.

steph and i made the small pockets out of some white silk.  the color almost matches.  then we sewed the pockets onto the jacket lining.  we tried them out using some paper packets filled with sugar.  you can’t tell a thing.  pretty much perfect.

perfect indeed.  thanks ladies.  very very cool.  jake, we’re getting ready for the stones concert at the oakland coliseum in a few weeks. 

yeah, we tried to get tickets but it sold out fast.  you guys were very lucky.

frankie just smiled and handed jake a packet of the peruvian flake.

$95 for two.

thanks, frankie.

not a problem.  have another hit.

don’t mind if we do.

stephanie and jake spent another twenty minutes or so with frank and mary before they split to head back to jake’s place.  as they got to jake’s car stephanie asked.

how’s mr bubble doing?  i don’t remember.

we better stop and get some.

ok.  may as well steal a few straws as well.

the pair stopped at the 7-11 and jake scored the straws along with a bottle of mr bubble.  as he was leaving the store jake found a $5 bill one the ground by the door.  he picked it up went back and gave to the clerk saying.

someone must have dropped this.

the clerk looked at him like he was crazy.  jake just laughed.  when jake got back to the car he told stephanie about the five spot.

i wondered what you were doing.  you know you’re crazy. 

probably.

they both laughed.

the victorian was empty when they got back to it.  another night with the place to themselves. 

cool.  much better than sharing anything and we get the bath for as long as we want it.

yes.  true.  hey, check this shirt out.

jake showed stephanie a shirt with a large blood stain on the left shirttail.

haha.  you had to have been wearing that shirt the last time we had sex.

the blood on jake’s shirt was from stephanie’s period.

yep.  i didn’t notice until later.  pretty funny.  huh?

we were lucky i guess.  haha.

the two were talking about a ride one evening out in the hills around corte madera.  there was a full moon and the dead winter grass looked just like shimmering snow that bright early summer moonlit night.  a lonely two lane blacktop wound through the hills.  and they were the only car on the road.

stephanie suggested that, ‘they do it in the road’, just like the beatles song.  jake was amenable but the road, even with a blanket, was a bit too hard for both of them.  jake suggested they try the grass along side the road.  he took the blanket and laid it out on the dead grass.

the grass was much softer and things went well until they began to slide down the hill locked together in an embrace.  they slid for a good twenty feet before they came to a stop against a small tree.  they were both laughing.

the hike back up the hill was something.

yeah, but not before you earned your red wings that night.  i had fun.

i know you did.  me too.  you had a great idea, steph.

yes, i did.  now, let’s get into that flake.

for the next several hours the two did indeed get into the almost pure peruvian flake.  some wine and weed as well.

oh, boy.  very nice.  i think it’s mr. bubble time before we can’t manage it.

good point.  let’s do it.

they snorted another line then collected what they needed for the bath.  weed, papers, wine, some cut up coke, and of course the bottle of mr. bubble.  the hot bath with bubbles was as always very nice.  the usual ritual of smoking some weed mixed with coke was made even more amazing that night with the flake.  several laced joints later they retired back into the bedroom.  jake said he needed a glass of water. 

he left the room and went to the kitchen sink.  he found a clean glass and drank some water.  as he stood at the sink electric shock waves ran up and down his spine.  electrical explosions rocked his brain.  neurons and synapses crackled inside his head.  sparks were probably shooting from his ears.  he held on tight.  but lost track of time and place.  jake wasn’t sure how long he had been standing at the sink.  after he finally made it back to the bedroom stephanie asked him where he had been.

been?  i was in the kitchen getting a glass of water.

you were gone for so long i went looking for you.  i went into the kitchen.  i didn’t see you.  i looked in every room.  i even went out on the back porch.  jake, you weren’t anywhere here in the house.

you didn’t see me?  i was there at the sink.  are you sure?

positive.  i went into the kitchen.  twice.  i looked around and did not see you.

sweet jesus.  that’s weird.  i remember standing there and then nothing.  then i remember standing there again and i came back in here.  are you sure?

yes, jake.  i’m very sure.

weird.

to this day jake isn’t sure what really happened that night in the kitchen of the old victorian.  was he abducted by aliens?  or perhaps he made a jaunt out on some astral plane paying a visit to jupiter or mars?  or went cruising on an old inca road with some long dead indians?  perhaps a voyage with eric the red?  or one to the far east with marco polo?  or was it something else entirely?  only god knows and he ain’t talking.  

at any rate, the story of stephanie and jake slowly began to unravel even further after that night.  jake’s vision of love, white picket fences, and stephanie never came true.  things never got really ugly in the end but there was plenty of pain and angst to go around for the two of them.  for some reason they both made sure of that. 

stephanie eventually moved to somewhere on the west coast of canada north of vancouver.  the last time jake ever heard from her was a very strange letter he received six months or so after she had moved.  a letter that reminded him of a funny yet sad canadian junkie letter he’d read in the old humor magazine, ‘national lampoon’. 

jmh           
         

just another wordpress blog(?)

in some sort of a delusional fit of something or another i started another blog place here yesterday which will strictly be for my fiction stuff. eventually or probably all my fiction stuff will end up there. at least that’s the plan. all my fiction will still appear here first then get moved over there. of course, wordpress isn’t letting post the link this morning. so…. you’ll have to paste it in your browser if you’re interested.

http://johnhaugeafictionalplace.wordpress.com

thanks for reading.

jmh

jacks or better

cypress johnny had been a bartender at ‘jacks or better’ since the place had opened some 30 plus years ago. he worked various shifts in an effort to keep boredom at bay and hang out with different crowds. sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. say, like several months ago when he worked his last night shift run.

‘jacks or better’ had once been in a decent part of downtown ontario, calif. it was on one of the main east west drags and just a block east of the main north south drag. all in all a pretty good location. but not as good a location as say, 80 years ago. not that cypress johnny had been around then.

times change and not always for the better or that seems to be the case in any number of things. downtown ontario, once a lively place even into the 60′s had gone to seed, greed, stupidity, and illegal aliens. it had become a place where most folks tried to avoid. though downtown had never been a wonderland. the greed of the people the local yokels elected often surprised said yokels but by the time it became apparent it was usually too late. the damage having been done. so they tossed out the old crowd and elected another batch of greed heads. starting the process yet again.

cypress johnny was fond of saying it was a vicious circle. a circle no one ever seemed to pick up on with exception of a few old hands that were crazy or stupid enough to still be hanging around in the city where they lived as children. that’s how cypress johnny had acquired his name. he was one of the crazy or stupid. and he had attended cypress elementary school way south of the tracks back in the early 50′s.

years ago johnny managed to lose his last name. he became simply, cypress johnny. most folks didn’t even know his last name. if it came up in conversation he’d change the subject or ignore it until it went away. not that he was ashamed of his name but the moniker, cypress johnny, just seemed to work better on numerous levels for him. but i digress.

cypress johnny had been behind the bar handling drink orders for an hour or two on a slow midweek mid-fall evening. the roar of several motorcycles outside at the curb got everyone’s attention. cypress johnny in particular. the sound of several motorcycles outside at the curb always got his attention. he slid open a door underneath the bar and lightly touched his fingers to a loaded .357 magnum.

for johnny and the other bartenders the pistol was the unspoken peacemaker of ‘jacks or better’. they were the only people who knew it was there. not even the owner, julio ravel, knew of the hidden gun. julio owned the joint but he he lived in silverlake near downtown l.a. in a home that had a spectacular view of the lake /reservoir. he also owned another bar on 3rd st in the downtown area. julio paid the bills but rarely made it out to ontario and ‘jacks or better’. for a time many years ago julio had lived in the area. up in upland on grove and ninth. the still sort of stately home was now a semi nursery. more veering.

cypress johnny left the little door under the bar open. he had both hands on the bar as the front door opened and four bikers walked in. long dirty hair and equally dirty levis, vests, boots, chains, along with way to many jail tattoos. outlaws. this might be one of those nights ran through cypress johnny’s head. he was glad he had the door open and the pistol was still there. with both hands still on the bar he greeted the newcomers.

evening, gentlemen. what can i get you?

three beers. tiny can’t drink these days.

the largest of the three said.

he never could.

the three all laughed at the joke. the smallest of them didn’t laugh or say a word.

three beers and a coke.

we’ve got the usual on tap. as for bottles, this month we have sierra nevada ale from up north and longboard lager from hawaii.

julio let johnny stock the bar with a couple of different bottled beers every month. another idea of cypress johnny to stem the tide of boredom.

hawaiian, eh? two of those and an ale.

coming up.

cypress johnny set about the order as the four grungy men settled into their bar stools. cypress johnny sat the three beers and coke on the bar top and said.

$3.50 each for the beers and $1.50 for the coke.

put it on our tab.

ah, yeah. thing is gentlemen, i’ve never seen you gents before and we don’t run tabs here for folks we don’t know. sorry. house rules.

the smallest of the four smiled and reached for his wallet that was chained to a belt loop. he pulled out a twenty and said.

no offense taken. ya’ll keep the change.

thanks, gentlemen.

the three bikers each pulled deeply on their drinks. the other customers in the bar were silent or talking quietly among themselves while keeping an eye on the new comers. cypress johnny was beginning to think the bikers were either hell’s angels or mongols. it was just a feeling. an itch. though none of the four were flying colors.

the angels at one point long ago were a force to be reckoned with in the area. a number of years ago the group had a large home and presence in the sage brush and rocks above the local community college in alta loma. they lived there semi peacefully for a few years until the sheriffs department raided the house and found a large cache of drugs along with automatic weapons. the raid sent a good sized contingent of them to jail and that in itself pretty much ended the bikers reign in the area. though they did manage to hang on in other parts of the state for a number of years. the mongols had taken over the biker vacuum a few years later after the arrests and several skirmishes with their rivals the vandals.

cypress johnny was taking orders from the usual crowd and as he began to wipe the bar down when one of the bikers spoke.

there’s a game tonight, right?

game? no college ball tonight. tomorrow. no nba or baseball either tonight.

no, a game, man.

oh shit. here we go. thought cypress johnny.

jmh

jacks or better pt 2

cypress johnny had always been quick on his feet and he usually had a ready comeback for most anything tossed his way.well, these guys and their game statement had him thrown for a bit of a loop. the smallest of the bikers, tiny, spoke.

what junior is saying we know there’s a game tonight. we were invited. sorta special guests like.

ah, i see. and your invitee?

he’ll be here himself in a while. we don’t want to spoil the surprise.

well, ok then. you guys want another round?

at the moment it was the cleverest thing cypress johnny could come up with while his mind raced along trying to process this strange turn of events.

nah. we’re good. maybe later.

the bikers left their bar stools and made their way to a table close to the door. they sat and waited while quietly talking among themselves.

cypress johnny wasn’t sure what to make of them and their invite to the private poker game in the back room. he’d wait and see just who their special friend was before he made a decision. the fact that anyone would invite such a strange group was odd on it’s face.

illegal gambling was nothing new to the ontario area. it had been going on for years. several barber shops took bets when cypress johnny was growing up. they also provided punch boards and other numbers games for those so inclined. as a matter of fact, one of the finest dining houses in the area had cards and bookies beginning in the 30′s that lasted until the early 50′s. a nice family dinner for grandma’s birthday upstairs while the cards were being dealt downstairs. the epitome of the perfect dinner house with something for everyone.

when julio ravel opened ‘jacks or better’ he’d brought back the clandestine card room to the area. sure you could play cards at the american legion or the elks, for that matter, but it wasn’t the same as julio used to say. plus what could be better than naming a bar with a card room in back after a poker term? he’d even spent the money for a nice custom neon sign for out front. an ace, a king, a queen, and two one eyed jacks. perfect.

julio was serious classical music freak and at one point was thinking of naming the bar, ‘ravel’s bolero’. thankfully, for all concerned, he decided against that name for many reasons.

sure, jacks or better had a card room but not anyone could wander in and get in a game. you had to know someone and they had to vouch for you as it were. the cops probably knew the score but over the years there hadn’t been any problems. well, yet anyway. however, tonight just might prove to be different.

the games usually began around 9pm and ran until closing at 2am. julio didn’t want people wondering why folks would be wandering out of the bar at 5 or 6am. too many questions to deal with and maybe some of the answers weren’t what some folks wanted to hear.

there was also a buy in. the buy in was $450. $50 for the house. and the rest for play. along with a dollar cash bar. beer, sodas, bourbon, scotch, and vodka along with ice was provided in the card room. if you wanted anything else or high end call stuff it was at regular bar prices. though if you got drunk you were permanently 86′ed. the price generally kept low rent types from getting in on the action. they could go play at the elks club as julio was fond of saying. there were two tables and one was always used most card nights. the other depending on the crowd.

if cypress johnny was working on those nights with an overflow poker crowd he would be the second table dealer. and they would call in another guy to keep the bar. cypress johnny would pick up some extra money from the house money. the house also took one percent of each pot along with the $50 earnest money. plus tips from the winners. a profitable night for johnny cypress when he dealt cards.

the night remained slow. by 8:45pm the place was no busier than it had been earlier. cypress johnny saw no regular poker players in the crowd. he would more than likely stay behind the bar until closing. that was fine by him as it would keep him close to the loaded .357.

the front door opened and the regular poker dealer, eddie otto, walked in.

hey, eddie.

cypress. looks like a slow night.

yeah. probably.

guess i’ll get ready.

talk to you later. you good?

yeah…no, give me a vodka rocks. the good stuff. screw that shit in the back.

you got it. i’ll bring it in for you.

eddie walked past the bar and entered the back room through a door that most people would miss. johnny fixed the dealer his drink and followed him into the back room.

did you see the bikers at the table?

couldn’t miss them. what’s up?

they say someone invited them to play this evening.

really? ok. might be an interesting night after all.

watch yourself.

not a problem. i know you have my six.

cypress johnny went back out to the bar. he busied himself with a few things and at exactly 9pm the front door opened. johnny hadn’t seen the man who entered in a number of months. as a matter of fact, the last time he had seen him he was in a photo on the front page of the local fish wrap for having skated on a manslaughter beef. jerry powell. now disgraced and former mayor of a local area burg.

jerry gave the bikers a muted greeting. then he walked up to the bar and said.

well, cypress johnny. somethings never change.

long time no see, jerry.

i’m assuming i still have privileges here?

yeah, even though you haven’t been around in months.

you probably noticed that i’ve been busy.

i noticed.

those gentlemen at that table are with me. ok?

jerry nodded his head at the table of bikers.

fine jerry just as long as they have the buy in and don’t cause any trouble. ok?

no trouble, cypress. they just want to play cards.

good. eddie’s in back ready to go.

jerry powell motioned to the four bikers who got up and followed him into the back room.

jmh

jacks or better pt 3

as the five men were entering the back room cypress johnny slipped a cd into the player. having played the cd at least twice a week for years he knew exactly where he wanted to be. he hit the advance button three times very quickly. ‘somebody robbed the glendale train’ by the new riders of the purple sage hit the speakers just as the back room door was closing. johnny doubted that was the purpose of this nights visit but he figured maybe one of of the five was bright enough to pick up on the tune. somewhere down the road a visit from this group or a portion there of this evenings players was going to be trouble. count on it.

after the bikers had gone into the poker room most of the slow night crowd decided to end their evening early. cypress johnny cleaned up after them and collected a few tips that were left behind. cool he thought. some extra money and jerry garcia on peddle steel guitar. very nice. he hoped the rest of the evening went as well.

johnny finished cleaning up and served another round of drinks to the customers that were still in the bar. he wiped his hands on a towel then positioned himself on a stool behind the bar within easy reach of the secret door containing the loaded pistol. cypress johnny thought, it made no sense not to be prepared.

as ‘somebody robbed the glendale train’ come on the speakers again the remaining people in the bar got up, said good night, and left. one of the men left a five spot on the table. johnny said good night and thanks. got off his stool and cleaned up after the group as the song tracked again.

when he was finished he opened the door to the poker room and asked if anyone wanted anything. jerry powell said he’d have a tequila sunrise because early 70′s music always made him think of that drink. no one else wanted anything. johnny noticed most of the chips were still spread out fairly evenly though it was still early. eddie otto gave cypress johnny a slight wink. everything was fine so far.

with the place now empty johnny removed the cd from the player and inserted an old byrds cd featuring gram parsons. ‘hickory wind’ filled the empty room. johnny sang along to the cosmic country tune as he made jerry his tequila sunrise. he finished up and took it into the poker room. jerry handed him a ten and said, thanks keep it.

cypress johnny was now alone with his thoughts and gram’s plaintive vocals. he was also alone the rest of the night because the bar remained empty for the evening. he sat at the bar and played dj to his own thoughts. 70′s stuff mostly. gram, the allman bros, the byrds, and the stones. some hank williams, senior and lll thrown in as well. he checked on the game every now and again and there were no problems. though doing so never changed his worried outlook.

at around 1:45am cypress johnny went back into the card room and said.

last call, gentlemen. last call.

no one wanted anything and eddie otto knew that was his cue for dealing two more hands. a little before 2am jerry powell and the four bikers came out of the poker room. cypress johnny was still behind the bar near the chubby hole and the pistol. the bar was quiet. no music. just the sound of shuffling feet. johnny spoke.

good night, gents. hope you enjoyed the game.

he didn’t add his other usual salutation, come back agin. no sense making anyone feel welcome.

well, cypress. it was an interesting evening. no big winners other than the fact tiny shared his buy in with all of us.

some nights are like that jerry. you never know.

the five men left and as the last one exited the bar johnny locked the front door and turned off the neon jacks or better sign. he stood by the door as the motorcycles revved up and boomed away into the silent night. when he turned back to the bar eddie was sitting in front of it drinking a sierra nevada. there was another one sitting on the bar top along with a bag containing that nights poker money.

you gonna join me, cypress?

guess i better. what do you make of those guys?

the two were sitting on bar stools facing the mirrored wall and reflected alcohol bottles.

man, i don’t know. only thing i know is the one called tiny can’t play poker. 5 or 7 stud and draw. fucking clueless.

interesting.

jerry was close to the vest on everything. he didn’t really interact with any of them. or me for that matter. all business. he ‘s a different player than before or there’s something else going on. don’t know for sure.

so do you think he’s a friend of the bikers?

not really. i’d say more of them being like employees or some damn thing.

yeah, fits in with my bad vibe of the whole evening. other than tiny’s lack of card skills what about the other guys?

well, you got tiny who doesn’t say much but none the less he might be the brains of the biker outfit. maybe. junior, talks a lot about nothing. busted everybody’s balls all night long. he left mine alone. thankfully.

hahaha. good one eddie.

thanks, man. as for the other two. you’ll like this. one’s called grease and the other fresno.

yeah, that’s rich. you pick up on any gang affiliation?

nope. nothing there. outlaws for sure though. grease and fresno just played cards and let junior’s wit bounce off them. they’re probably some sort of muscle or maybe even from another group. don’t know.

jesus. fucking jerry, man. what the hell is he up to? i mean now we have to let those guys back in here for the games. unless we or more to the point, julio changes the rules. plus, they can invite people now as well. not a good thing. jacks or better as an outlaw biker bar? so much for the cops leaving the place alone. may as well start looking for another gig tomorrow. shit.

tell me about it. you gonna call julio in the morning or you want me to be the bearer of bad news?

i’ll do it. guess it’s my job. that’s why i make the big bucks. any other intel, eddie?

not really. like i said just card playing and junior as the life of the party. that’s about it.

ok. let’s call it a night. i’ll try and catch julio early and see what he wants to do and get his take on things. see you friday night, eddie.

goodnight, cypress.

they tossed their empties into the recycle bin. eddie left. cypress johnny cleaned out the register put the money in another bag then placed both bags in a safe that was built into the concrete floor. it was an old safe but it would probably take several sticks of dynamite to open it without the combination. only cypress johnny, julio, and bill ‘willie’ lawson had the combination. willie was julio’s cousin and the man johnny rotated shifts with. he turned on the alarm, turned off the lights. and locked up for the evening. a light fog had rolled in and he could smell the long gone cows of chino and south ontario in the damp chilly fall air. cypress johnny walked to his car while the flying burrito bros song, ‘sin city’, played in his head.

cypress johnny got to his ride, unlocked it, then locked it again. he turned around and went back to the bar. unlocked it, turned off the alarm, checked the .357, to make sure it was loaded, touched it, left it there, grabbed two bottles of sierra nevada, then locked up all over again. went to his car, fired it up, u turned on the empty street. headed west. made a left on euclid ave. then cypress johnny drove south.

jmh

jacks or better pt 4

as cypress johnny made a left on to euclid ave he drove south thinking while listening to the two beer bottles quietly clinking together on the passenger side floor board. the fog got a little thicker as he continued driving south. by the time he reached mission blvd the dairy cow smell and the fog were even thicker. after the light changed he slowed his pace somewhat in deference to the fog.

when johnny reached francis st he made a right and headed west. when he stopped at san antionio and francis he was almost at his destination. he paused longer than normal because of the fog. driving slowly west he made a left onto cypress. cypress elementary school sat on the southeast corner of francis and cypress. the place and school from where cypress johnny took his name.

it had been nine months or maybe even a year since his last trip to cypress elementary school. this night wasn’t his first. it seemed that whenever he needed to think about something more than he normally would think on things he’d grab a couple of beers and head to the school late at night or early morning after work. cypress johnny would sit in the dark parking lot, drink the beers, and think.

that early morning was no different than any other of his trips to his old elementary school. though with the thick fog there was an even lesser chance of a cop out on patrol spotting him sitting there drinking and then asking cypress johnny some embarrassing questions. he rolled to a stop in one of the parking slots. set the parking brake then picked up one of the beers. he hoped it wouldn’t explode all over him and the car when he opened it. he got lucky when it didn’t. he took a long swig of the still cold beer letting the fine ale taste maneuver about his palette. johnny rolled his window down and took a deep breath of the chilly cow dung smell filled foggy air.

the area had changed considerably since his time at cypress elementary. back in the 50′s the area was still rural agriculture for the most part. the tract houses didn’t come until later. cypress johnny imagined his old days at cypress. a vivid image flashed through his mind. across the street to the north, armstrong nursery had a vast amount of land planted in their roses. during spring and summer the acreage was a huge sea of rose blooms of all colors. it was in a word, spectacular. they were gone now. tract homes in their stead.

cypress elementary that had once looked so large as a child looked much smaller today. smaller due to looking at the school with adult eyes and the fact it was hemmed in with homes instead of the once open space. there was even a high school a bit further to the west. it had been built on one of the last open tracts in the area. a product of responsible school board thinking buying the land cheap back when the homes started going up killing off three of the things that made the area a great place to live when cypress johnny was a kid. rural and agriculture. along with acre upon acre of those roses in full bloom six months of the year.

johnny finished his first beer and reached around on the floorboard for his second. he got lucky again when it didn’t explode all over him and the car. the night was quiet. the fog helped with that. no traffic. no cops. just the sound of music in johnny’s head. along with his thoughts. johnny reached down and hit the lever to move his seat back all the way. he settled deeper into the car seat and put his head on the headrest. he breathed in some more of the foggy air. he’d always loved that smell. and still did. growing up across the street from a dairy farm could do that to you.

cypress johnny drank his his beer and wondered what was going on with jerry powell and his biker friends. it could be any number of things. some benign. some malicious. he took another drink from the bottle and not long after he feel asleep. sitting alone in the cypress elementary school parking lot with the smell of dairy cows in the chilly damp fall air.

it was still dark when the cold foggy air woke johnny up a bit after 6am. he woke up shivering and it took a few seconds for him to figure out where he was and just what the hell was going on. after managing that he closed the window. then he dumped out the remaining beer. fired up his ride. and drove north to his home.

johnny lived a little west of euclid ave in downtown ontario in an old home that was probably built in the 30′s. a small two bedroom affair that some might call ‘in the craftsmen style’. johnny wasn’t sure about that. he liked the place because the area was still fairly quiet and there were a number of old stately shade trees that kept the temperature down a few degrees in the summer. the house wasn’t far from the railroad tracks. another plus in johnny’s mind. there was something very soothing about trains passing through in the night.

cypress johnny’s dad had bought the home in the early 80′s. his parents had moved out of the area after they retired and then moved back five or six years later. after buying the house his dad had fixed the place up and dad and mom lived there until they passed away. johnny took over the property and decided he’d live there as well. he dumped some more money into the house and made it even more comfortable. now it sparkled like a gem on the old shady street.

johnny parked the car in the old one car garage and walked across the backyard to the back door. after opening the door he shut off the alarm and decided to make a pot of coffee rather than going to bed for some more sleep. he needed to call julio in a little while and catch him before he began his day. johnny sat at the kitchen table listening to sports talk radio while he waited for the coffee to brew.

cypress johnny lived alone. he had been married years before but it had ended rather badly mostly due to him. a number of girlfriends over the years but nothing ever went anywhere. which was fine with him. there hadn’t been any children as well and that was probably a good thing. johnny didn’t want to answer to anybody these days. in particular someone younger than he was. there had been a dog and a couple of cats along the way but the prospect of seeing another pet being put down soured his desire for animal companionship. it was just to hard emotionally to deal with anymore.

the coffee was made and he poured a cup. he added some milk from the refrigerator then sat drinking it. after he finished he realized he had forgotten to pick up the newspaper. johnny went out front an picked it up off the damp lawn. removing it from the plastic wrap he glanced at the front page. nothing of real interest and no new local political scandals were revealed there. he went inside and tossed it on the couch. he’d read it later. maybe.

in the kitchen, he poured another cup of coffee while he waited for it to be late enough to call julio raval. the sports station did their top of the hour break and johnny listened once more to the mornings top story run down. college football. baseball playoffs. pro football. and nba crap. he turned off the radio and dialed julio’s number from memory.

the phone rang twice in his ear before it was answered by a gruff voice.

yeah?

julio. cypress johnny.

hey, johnny. to what do i owe this early morning call? hopefully, jacks or better is still standing.

it was when i left earlier this morning. ah, look julio, i’m calling because we may have a situation brewing with the place.

situation? shit. i hate situations. spill it.

jmh

jacks or better pt 5

julio was never one to mince words. he only wanted to hear what your point was with no sugar coating or bullshit. cypress johnny knew this. with his other hand he poured himself another cup of coffee. took a sip then told julio all about the night before at jacks or better. when he finished julio spoke.

ass holes. those dumb ass inbred politician types out that way are the main reason i’m where i am now. crooks and thieves. all of them. i should have left sooner.

for a time there was silence on both ends of the line. johnny imagined he could hear julio’s wheels turning and the clank of gears meshing in his head.

ok. look. you’re gonna have to stay on nights until we know exactly what the hell is going down. i suppose i could cancel the card games but i ain’t doing that. i want to know what jerry powell is up to. i also know this puts a ton of pressure on you, johnny. you and eddie. um, let me think about some extra muscle or security.

julio, it’s your place. you do what you think you need to do. i’m cool with whatever. eddie and i work well together. always have. i’m just sayin’ that if some security types show up or obvious muscle jerry will know. see what i’m saying?

yeah, point taken. we need to know his next move or something. damn it. it’s always some damn thing or another. shit. i wish ben was still alive. we could trump jerry and his bikers easy.

julio was speaking of an old friend from los angeles and a fellow downtown bar owner, ben morris. julio and ben had become friends soon after julio opened his bar in l.a. sadly, ben had passed away a number of years ago. ben morris had been a business man with connections. useful connections.

johnny johnny johnny. ok. next game is friday night right?

yes.

we have a couple of nights then. let me see what i can do on this end. maybe some of ben’s old friends are still working. though that’s a long shot. and i’m not sure if i want to go down that road anyway without ben to deal with that aspect. here’s what i want from you, johnny. stay on top of your game. you and eddie. you may want to add some personal protection of your own.

ok. julio.

cypress johnny didn’t think this was the time to tell julio about the pistol under the bar.

i want you to call me every morning when you get home with a daily up date. i won’t be able to sleep anyway.

ok. anything else?

not right now. if i come up with anything else i’ll call you before you leave or at the bar. watch yourself, johnny. we may be reading this wrong but i don’t think so. talk to you later.

alright, julio. talk to you tomorrow morning. bye.

bye johnny.

johnny hung up the phone. rinsed out the coffee maker then made himself a breakfast of grits with a fried egg and parmesan cheese. followed by a banana and yogurt. after washing the dishes he read the paper until he was bored. took a shower then slept for a few more hours on the couch.

cypress johnny woke up with a craving. his shift at the jacks or better didn’t start until 6pm. so he crawled off the couch. got dressed. then he drove to the market and picked up some things for his dinner. johnny had been craving his marinara sauce for a few days. it was time to make it and satisfy that italian soul food jones. after picking up the ingredients for the sauce johnny paused at the door to let an elderly couple enter the market. as johnny was leaving he noticed something very strange. two men were going into the doughnut shop at the west end of the shopping center. there was no mistaking them. not even at that distance. it was jerry powell and eddie otto. no doubt about it.

stopped dead in his tracks cypress johnny’s mind raced trying to process what he’d just witnessed. could it really be? johnny was certain they hadn’t seen him. while placing the groceries in the trunk johnny decided to to exit the shopping center near the doughnut shop instead of his usual exit which was a much shorter drive back to his home. he put on his sunglasses then found an old baseball hat on the backseat. hopefully, it would change his appearance just enough so that he wouldn’t automatically be recognized if the two spotted him as he was driving by the doughnut shop. johnny put the hat on and fired up his ride.

taking a deep breath he put the car in gear and slowly made his way out of the market parking lot. as he neared the doughnut shop he saw the two men standing at the counter with their backs to him. they were waiting for their order and talking. absolutely no doubt about it now. the two men were jerry powell and eddie otto. cypress johnny mumbled to himself.

what the fuck is up with that?

johnny exited the shopping center and turned north. both men still had their backs to him. from what he remembered of jerry he was probably trying to pick up on the attractive asian lady working behind the counter. he exhaled deeply. took off the cap and tossed it towards the backseat without looking. cypress johnny doubted the two men had made some sort of chance encounter. then decided to score some java and a doughnut while having a little chat. highly unlikely. johnny knew that jerry lived in the city to the north. he was at least five miles from home. as for eddie, he lived in chino and he was a good five or six miles from home as well. the doughnut on the corner of holt ave and san antonio ave was a good as any place for a meeting on middle ground.

cypress johnny wouldn’t be seeing eddie again until friday night and the next scheduled card game. he also figured he’d be seeing jerry powell again on friday night. johnny wondered if the bikers would be back as well.

when cypress johnny got home he immersed himself in his marinara sauce making. he’d worked on the sauce for a good ten years before he figured it was what he wanted. truthfully, it was more of a tomato vegetable stew rather than a classic marinara sauce. it really didn’t matter as those that were lucky enough to taste it thought it was the best marinara they’d ever eaten. that always made johnny happy. after he’d added some red wine and a little sugar to the sauce it was bubbling nicely. he turned the gas flame down to a simmer and poured himself a small glass of red wine. the sauce would cook for thirty or forty minutes. johnny would keep and eye on it and stir it occasionally while he sipped his wine. it really wasn’t a time thing but more of how the sauce looked and felt as he stirred it. that’s how he determined when it was done.

the pot of water he set on the stove for the pasta came to a boil and cypress johnny added a fair amount of kosher salt to the boiling water. as it normally did, the water almost boiled out of the pot with the addition of the salt. while he was at the market johnny bought a package of already made fresh angel hair pasta. once the sauce had rested for five minutes or so he’d add it to the boiling water and 60 seconds later dinner would be served. his pasta craving satisfied for a time. plus, the house would smell like his grandmother’s or mother’s house for a few days. that unmistakeable lingering smell that said something really wonderful had been recently cooked here. to bad you weren’t around to taste some of it.

johnny poured himself another glass of red wine then grated some fresh parmigiano-reggiano over the sauced pasta on his plate. he would eat at least a couple of servings which would leave him another meal plus a small amount of sauce to freeze. those frozen nuggets always came in handy when a spur of the moment pasta jones hit after work. his dinner as always was outstanding and clean up was relatively simple. he still had a couple of hours before he had to go to work.

sitting in the living room with an old gram parsons lp on the cd cypress johnny was satisfied and a bit buzzed as he sat thinking. he couldn’t really call eddie otto. he had his number but he’d never called him on the phone. ever. if eddie wasn’t coming in for whatever reason it would be eddie who called cypress johnny. after that days event it wasn’t time for johnny to start making any calls to eddie. that he was sure of. they were working buds and there had never been any trouble between them. work wise. it was what it was, they never hung out after work. regardless.

it was hard to believe that eddie was in cahoots with jerry powell. along with whatever the hell jerry was up to. it didn’t make any sense to cypress johnny. at least he had another day or so to think on things before he saw eddie again and the next poker game. he was also sure he would just wait and call julio after work. no sense giving him heartburn so early in the evening. johnny would wait to call after work as planned.

at a quarter to six that evening cypress johnny left for work. the sun was setting and a few clouds created a nice combination of color and light. he paused in his driveway to watch the show for a few moments. sunsets were one of his favorite things. sunrises being another. johnny sighed and saddled up as it were.

cypress johnny arrived at jacks or better a few minutes before 6. there were several regular after work customers drinking at a table near the bar. he checked the till. then told willie he needed some help in the stockroom before he left for the night.

sure, cypress not a problem.

johnny had the door open and he was already inside.

close the door, willie. have you talked to julio recently?

no, not since last weekend. what’s up?

cypress johnny laid out what had happened the night before. no shit were the only two words willie lawson could come up with. johnny kept the eddie otto part of the story to himself. he’d let julio tell willie about it later because johnny wasn’t sure about willie and eddie’s friendship outside of work.

that’s all i’ve got right now, willie. i’ll be keeping julio up to speed every night after the place closes. if you talk to julio tell him i told you the story.

sure thing, cypress. let me know if you need anything. anything at all.

thanks, willie. you can take off now.

both men left the stockroom and willie picked up a jacket then paused at the table of drinkers to say good night.

cypress johnny busied himself behind the bar checking the stock and supplies. the drinkers at the table paid their tab and left. as they were leaving another small group of people made their way into the bar. they were also semi regulars at jacks or better. johnny took their orders and had just taken their drinks to the table when the sound of a single motorcycle out front rattled the windows.

cypress johnny was back behind the bar with the little door open and the loaded pistol ready. a moment later the door opened and junior walked in wearing the same dirty greasy clothes he’d been wearing the night before. junior stepped to the bar and said.

evening, johnny. a shot of patron anejo.

coming up, junior.

cypress johnny placed a tequila shooter in front of junior and poured him the patron.

you going to run a tab?

well, ain’t that sweet of you. nah. i’m just in for a quick hit and run.

the biker hit back the shot of tequila then dug out a ten spot from his dirty levis. he placed it on the bar got up and said as he was leaving.

smooth stuff that patron. keep the change, johnny. see you tomorrow night around 9.

as the door closed cypress johnny thought, thanks for the warning. out front junior kick started his bike and roared off into the early evening.

jmh

jacks or better pt 6

the night behind the bar passed fairly quickly for cypress johnny. it was a busy thursday night with college football on TV. both of the bars TV’s were tuned to the game with the sound off. it was, as usual, a good natured rowdy college football crowd. several people tried to get one of the TV’s tuned to the laker game but they were roundly shouted down by the football fans. fine by cypress johnny. he had no use for the nba. the lakers in particular.

after the game ended the crowd began to thin out. a half hour later johnny had the bar to himself when several southwest airline employees wandered in. they had been out to dinner and were on their way back to their hotel when they noticed the jacks or better neon sign. they were intrigued as one of them put it. that sign had on occasion worked as a magnet in the past as well. for some reason that neon card hand intrigued passing ladies who were new to the area. thank you, julio. the three women were on a layover and would be leaving early next morning. apparently the southwest pilot who’d gone on an open mic rant several weeks before hadn’t seen two of these southwest airline ladies before.

cypress johnny spent a half hour forty five minutes chatting with the ladies. the intrigued one even wrote down his phone number and promised to call johnny and let him know when she would be in town again. all in all a good night for cypress johnny. as the ladies were leaving johnny thought it had been good fortune junior or his pals hadn’t been hanging around that evening. cypress shuddered at the thought.

a while later last call went out to an empty bar. johnny would have closed an hour before but there may have been someone who needed something to drink and that someone finding the place closed would not have been a good ambassador for future business. he cleared the register and added it to the bag in the floor safe. then cypress filled out a deposit slip. after willie opened in the morning a brinks truck would stop by and pick up the bag and leave it at their next stop, a near by bank. julio liked doing business with the armored company since it saved his employees from carry a large amount of cash to the bank several times a week. johnny locked up and made his way home.

he wasn’t hungry but he poured himself a glass of wine before calling julio. on second thought he remembered he had several leftover biscotti. cypress johnny would dip them in the wine and eat them while he talked to julio.

johnny?

yeah, julio.

you’re eating biscotti and drinking wine. i can hear it. your grandfather loved that.

yes, he did. you know that’s where i picked it up.

i know. i think i miss him almost as much as you. we made some pretty good vino down in his cellar. ah, shit. alright. talk to me.

johnny had been soaking a biscotti in his wine while julio was talking. he pulled it from the red wine and quickly put it in his mouth. he savored the texture, wine, anise, and almond flavors for a moment. julio laughed and said.

come on, johnny. you’re making me hungry.

sorry. i got distracted with the ritual. anyway, i don’t have much to tell you other than one of the bikers came by for a quick one tonight.

just one?

yeah, junior. the guy with the glib tongue.

as cypress johnny crunched on his semi soggy biscotti he realized he had forgotten about jerry and otto.

it’s been a long day. there’s something else.

ok.

i was out picking up some food from the market today and i spotted jerry powell and eddie otto together.

really? where?

this doughnut shop by the market. they didn’t see me. i doubt it was by chance. they both live miles from the place.

julio didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

i sure as hell don’t like that. not good. that fucking eddie. jesus. well, at least we know about it. which is a good thing.

yes. i know the girl behind the counter there. she’s the owners daughter and the place was empty. maybe she heard something.

maybe. but we don’t know who else she knows. let’s leave that for now. i checked around today and found out there’s one guy still alive who ben knew from the old days and he’s still in town. retired now but you know how that goes. long story short, if we’re lucky he’ll call me tomorrow before the game starts.

alright. very good, julio.

as soon as i hear something i’ll call you. either way.

i’ll be waiting.

cypress johnny finished the wine along with the biscotti crumbs at the bottom of the glass. he rinsed out the glass and went to bed. there he dreamed of his youth, his grandparent’s old home, and the small earth smelling root cellar where his grandfather made red wine and red wine vinegar. he was up by 8 and already antsy about that nights game.

johnny had a cleaning lady who took care of the inside of the house. though he was want to say, someday i need to hire a cleaning lady. at any rate, she worked cheap. johnny took care of the outside. he busied himself that morning with lawn mowing and tending the waning rose blooms around the house. he was finishing up and as the he closed the garage door he heard the phone ringing inside the house. julio, he thought. johnny got to the phone by the fourth ring.

johnny?

yeah, julio.

i’ve spoken with ben’s old friend.

ok. are you sure you want to discuss this on the phone?

i think we’re ok. land line to land line and nobody cares about us. yet.

ha. yeah. alright.

here’s the deal. at some point long ago when the gentleman was beginning his career he would stop by ben’s place, like most of them did, and have a drink or two. ben and the man became friends over the years. good friends. the man had a family along the way. just before ben passed away he was of some significant help to the man’s oldest son. no matter what that help was but the point being, the man was never able to repay ben the favor as ben had passed quickly after that. repaying ben’s help was a question of honor. you with me?

i’m there, julio.

ok. the man is retired now. and he’s getting old. like us. or me. he figures he can repay his debt to our friend ben by helping us out. plus, he’s probably a bit bored being retired and all. he knows the story. he also thinks tonight will probably go down like wednesday night. i tend to agree with him. johnny, he wants to meet you. tomorrow before the saturday night game. can we do this?

sure, julio. not a problem. ah, where?

i can’t think of a better place than an early meal in your home.

yeah, sure not a problem. i have enough sauce frozen for a dinner for two. yeah, no problem.

good. i’ll set it up. say 2 tomorrow?

fine by me.

ok, johnny call me after work tonight.

for sure, julio.

the line went dead.

things had moved fast. julio was good. very good. cypress johnny had learned a lot from the man over the years. now it was time for johnny to move fast and collect enough food to impress the retired gentleman at dinner the next day.

johnny removed several small containers of sauce from the freezer and sat them in the refrigerator. he had some roasted red peppers in the pantry. garlic as well. then he found a small tin of anchovies. perfect. there was cheese in the fridge but it was a bit old and not that impressive. and he needed some salami and bread. pasta too. cypress johnny made a run to the store. an uneventful run. no odd sightings of jerry and eddie.

when johnny got back home he prepared the roasted red peppers in olive oil, garlic, along with the tin of anchovies. old school style for his dinner guest. the peppers would marinate in the fridge overnight. at the italian market he’d picked up some imported genoa salami and a chunk of fontina as well as a chunk of imported italian teleme cheese for dessert. a fresh loaf of chibatta bread. he’d put the bread in the oven tomorrow to crisp it up. there was basil in the yard and a neighbor had just given him several homegrown heirloom tomatoes. johnny also had a fresh container of buffalo mozzarella in the fridge to round out a nice caprese salad. some more fresh angel hair pasta. vino he had. plenty of it. cypress johnny was as ready as he’d ever be for his dinner the next afternoon with the man he’d never met. a man who would help he and julio with their problem. or at least that was the hope.

cypress johnny showered and put on clean clothes. he left for work early so he could stop for dinner at a thai restaurant he enjoyed. johnny liked sitting by one of the large windows so he could look at the mountains and watch the traffic while he ate. as he was eating he noticed eddie otto drive by heading north on mountain ave. johnny thought it was a bit early for eddie to be going in for work. jerry powell. of course, eddie was going up to visit jerry in the town to the north. interesting. nothing he could do about it but it was a good thing to know. cypress finished his meal, paid the tab, and left for work.

johnny arrived a little before 6 as he always did. jacks or better was fairly busy for the early friday evening. the after work crowd mostly. he didn’t spot any poker players in the bar. too early for that. he exchanged greetings with willie and the pair went through the routine with the till. johnny separated enough money for that evenings change making. the rest went in the safe. willie said good night and cypress johnny settled in for the night behind the bar.

jmh

jacks or better pt 7

jacks or better got a little busier around 7pm. all the tables were full and there were only a couple of stools open at the bar. cypress johnny was busy to say the least. but he was a pro and he stayed ahead of the game by anticipating his drinkers. a very useful tool he’d learned long ago from julio and ben. as several people would leave a couple more folks would enter. so far a steady paced evening. one of the new arrivals sat at a just emptied table and another sat at the bar.

johnny dealt with the bar patron first. he was setting a napkin down in front of the man when he said.

scotch neat. single malt. doesn’t matter. whatever you have.

you got it.

the man put a twenty on the bar as johnny poured him his drink. the man sipped his scotch and pushed the 20 a little closer to johnny and said.

keep it.

thank you.

cypress johnny moved from the bar and took the other newcomer’s order.

campari and soda with a twist.

coming right up.

back at the bar johnny fixed the man his drink. it was something most folks didn’t drink in the US. it was an italian or at the least a european drink.
but every bar had a bottle of compari which just sat around for the most part. it was a drink cypress johnny enjoyed while on vacation. say up in tahoe while he was playing cards. compari and soda was something he could drink all day. he brought the drink to the table. the man had a twenty in his hand.

this is yours. keep it.

thank you, sir.

not a problem.

johnny was busy right up until it was almost poker time. there were a several poker players sitting around waiting for the game to begin. along with the two big tippers. most of the drinkers had left the front door opened and eddie otto walked into the bar.

cypress.

eddie.

eddie also greeted the waiting card players.

looks like you might get to deal tonight, johnny.

yeah, maybe. let’s wait and see. tommy doesn’t live that far away and he’s always ready on weekend poker nights. we’ll wait.

your call, my friend. i’m going to set up.

you good?

yeah. maybe something later.

as eddie entered the poker room the roar of motorcycles out front got everyone’s attention. all heads turned to the sound. as the bike sound died away the door opened and jerry powell strode into the room. cypress johnny nudged open the pistol door with his right knee. he realized he’d forgotten to check it earlier. not good but nothing he could do about it now.

evening johnny. eddie.

hey, jerry.

as jerry neared the bar and the door opened again. the four bikers just as scruffy as before waltzed into the room. they acted as if they owned the place. junior, tiny, grease and fresno. it was only natural that all eyes were on the four as they made a beeline for the bar. the man who was drinking the single malt scotch turned from the scene to watch it again in the reflection of the mirror behind the bar. junior spoke.

jerry. johnny. eddie. evening y’all.

only jerry returned the greeting.

johnny our usual.

cypress johnny pulled two ales and a lager from the cooler. along with a diet coke. it was their order the last time they had played cards. he set them on the bar. junior pulled a ten spot from a pocket and told johnny to keep it. the four sat at the bar drinking. johnny was about to call the fill in bartender tommy when the regular friday night poker players decided to leave. it seemed unspoken as they all made a mass exit without saying a word. not long after that the compari drinker left. soon to be followed by the single malt drinker. eddie was at the poker door when he said.

ok. guess it’s just one table then. you gentlemen ready to start?

jerry and the four bikers got up and followed eddie into the poker room without a word. no one was saying much so far that evening. cypress johnny was going to be left alone again with his thoughts. as the poker door closed he checked the .357. it was still there and ready to go. he felt around a bit more under the bar and found what he was looking for. a hank lll cd, ‘straight to hell’. he plugged it into the player and turned it up. it pretty much fit his mood.

the bar just had a few stragglers the rest of the evening. a quick pop and they were gone. cypress johnny sat by the loaded pistol and played music on the cd. no one in the card room wanted a drink from the bar. as per custom at 1:45am he made his last call. shortly before 2am the five card players left the card room and said their goodnights. junior seemed to leer at johnny as he made his way to the door. the motorcyles boomed to life as eddie spoke.

same deal as last game. junior as mister bon viant, tiny losing his buy in to the rest of them and the other two not much fun.

interesting. i’m going to lock up. you want anything?

nah. time for bed. another game again tonight. see you around 9.

eddie sat the money bag on the bar and made his way outside. johnny followed him and locked the door after he was gone. he turned off the neon sign and put the money in the safe after cleaning out the register. johnny locked up and drove straight home to call julio with his report.

cypress johnny’s ride home was uneventful. little traffic and no fog to deal with. he parked his car in the garage and closed the door with the remote as he walked to the backdoor. once inside he poured a glass of wine and flopped on the couch. he picked up the phone and dialed julio’s number.
he didn’t hear it ring. he just heard julio say.

johnny?

yeah, julio. you must be right on top of the phone. i didn’t even hear it ring on my end.

it’s been sitting on my lap since 2am. so, how did it go?

same as last time. nothing new to add other than the usual friday poker regulars split when the bikers showed up.

that doesn’t surprise me. what about eddie? any signs of his betrayal?

not that i saw julio. though he didn’t sit around for an after work drink like usual. said he was tired and he’d see me tonight.

ok. yeah, maybe it’s tonight. whatever it is. no money pickup until monday. it’s a chunk of change but nothing worth making a big scene over.
i just don’t get it.

i agree. i’ll be ready and i’m ready for my meeting this afternoon.

good. if shit goes sideways tonight use whatever your judgment dictates. ok?

will do julio.

alright then. call me if there’s time after your meeting.

i was planning on it.

get some rest johnny.

the line went dead. johnny finished his wine. rinsed out the glass, turned out the lights and went to bed. cypress johnny slept soundly until 9am. when he woke up he made some coffee and as it perked he went out to picked up the paper off the the front lawn. taking it out of the plastic bag he saw nothing of interest on the front page. a good thing. it meant that the local yokel politicians had been kept at bay for another day. perhaps.

there wasn’t much to do for that afternoons meal. the peppers were already done and marinating. the sauce was thawing out in the fridge. nothing wrong with that. most tomato based sauces were better after some time under serious refrigeration. while johnny was drinking coffee he filled a large pot with water and set in on the stove. he took out the fontina and salami. cut some slices of the cheese and arranged them on a plate along with some of the salami. covered the plate with some plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator. the salami and cheese would be the antipasto along with a caprese salad he would make later. going outside johnny picked some fresh basil from the backyard. he brought it in and rinsed it at the sink. he was as ready for the dinner meeting as he would ever be.

by the time 1pm rolled around cypress johnny had showered and changed clothes. he turned the burner on under the large pot of water to get it boiling before his guest arrived. then he made the caprese salad. he wouldn’t add the basil, olive oil and balsamic vinegar until it was time to serve it. taking the roasted peppers, salami and cheese along with the italian teleme out of the refrigerator he set them on the kitchen table in order for them to come to room temperature. he set the table as well. then he opened a pretty decent bottle of zinfandel made from the grapes of an old local vineyard that was still active and producing stellar grapes. at a quarter to 2 he turned on the oven and placed the chibatta loaf inside to crisp up. the large pot was boiling so he added plenty of salt. the marinara sauce was almost thawed out. he emptied the containers into a sauce pan and set the flame under it to a medium low. he was ready. johnny knew his guest would be right on time.

at exactly 2pm his front door bell rang. he opened the door to a dapperly dressed man around the same age as julio . something about the man was vaguely familiar.

cypress johnny?

yes. and you are…?

you can call me dino. i brought some biscotti for dessert.

thank you. ok. nice to meet you dino. please, come in.

the two men shook hands. then johnny led the man into the kitchen.

we’ll be more comfortable here. the food is just about ready to go. thanks for coming by and helping julio and i out, dino.

my pleasure, johnny. maybe i can settle an old debt for a mutual friend.

johnny had been pouring a glass of wine for the two of them as dino was talking. he handed his guest the glass of wine, picked up his and was about to make a toast when he stopped and said.

i know you. you were in jacks or better last night. single malt scotch neat and you sat at the bar.

the man smiled and said.

that’s right johnny. my driver and i paid you a visit last night.

ah, ok. comapri and soda.

correct again. we wanted to get a lay of the land and see exactly who we would be dealing with. salute.

salute.

as both men drank dino said.

this is pretty good stuff. i may try to find some of it.

yes, it is. it reminds me of the old days around here because it’s one of the last producing zinfandel vineyards. what did you find on your visit last night?

more of that later. you know we met years ago as well. i guess you don’t remember.

really? no, i guess i don’t.

it was in the late 50′s. you, julio, ben, my oldest son and myself went out to banning to shoot cans for the day at ben’s sister-in-laws place. she was a recent widow and ben spent some time out there helping out his older brother’s widow. she had a couple of kids and a son about my oldest sons age. we spent the day shooting tin cans and eating hotdogs.

ah, yeah. ok. i do remember that. amazing. it was a long time ago.

life has a way of coming back around to you sometimes.

cypress johnny had his guest sit while he finished up the meal and set the caprese salad on the table.

let’s start with the antipasto and then i’ll drop the pasta.

everything looks wonderful and the smells. ummm. very nice. you paid attention as a kid.

yeah. nona and mom. plus mom’s sisters. and her two brother’s. they taught me well. plus plenty of practice.

like i said, you paid attention. this is marvelous food here, johnny. real deal.

glad you’re enjoying it.

the two men ate and talked. cypress johnny finished up the pasta and served it to his guest. his dinner guest was properly impressed by the marinara.
that was a delicious meal, johnny. thank you very very much.

you’re more than welcome, dino.

that teleme was excellent. the perfect end to a great meal. i may have to come back sometime. just to make sure your quality hasn’t slipped.

haha. sure, dino anytime.

now as to your problem. yours and julio’s. you know of course, that julio wants you to takeover when he can’t manage it anymore. jacks or better and the place downtown. you’re like a son to him. the one he never had.

i kinda figured that but it’s nice to hear it anyway.

sure. ok. you both know what i did. and who i worked for. i’m retired now. well, as retired as i can get. but i’m out of most of it. i just settle contested stuff on an as needed basis. it gives us old guys something to do. i can help you and julio. it will be an off the books thing. you both have no worries that my old employers will ever come to you and ask for anything in return. you have my word on that. this is my way of settling my debt to my old friend ben morris. and julio as well. it squares things up. and closes the book. i’m more than happy to help out.

thanks, dino.

i assure you that things will smooth out very soon. you and julio shouldn’t worry any more about your problem.

thanks again, dino.

ok. johnny, i’ll leave you to get ready for work tonight. thanks for the wonderful meal and perhaps we’ll see each other again sometime.

i’d like that dino.

the two men shook hands out on the front porch as dino was leaving. his driver was no where to be seen. johnny watched as dino walked out to the sidewalk and turned south. cypress johnny went back into the house and called julio. julio picked up on the first ring.

johnny?

yes, julio. you’re getting good at this. dino was here and he just left. he’s going to help us out.

i thought he would. we go back but he was more of ben’s friend and there’s the other thing.

yeah. he says things will, in his words, smooth out. and we needn’t worry about his former employers coming back to us. it’s a personal thing from him alone.

yes, of course. that’s good to know. ok. so, we have the game tonight. i’m going to call tommy and have him show up. another body won’t hurt. plus, if there’s a crowd he’ll be there and ready to work. ah, he can deal too. so let him do it. i’m not telling tommy anything about eddie. we don’t really know where tommy stands. anyway, i want you out front.

ok. fine by me.

you guys be careful. ok?

i will. and julio. thanks, for everything. everything.

my pleasure, johnny. you know you’re family to me. your family were all like family to me long go. i need to repay their kindness. more book closing.

yeah, julio. ok. i’ll call you when i get home tonight.

alright. talk to you later.

cypress johnny hung up. then cleaned up a bit. took another shower and changed clothes. he wanted to be fresh for whatever the evening was going to bring. when he was finished he left for work. wait at home or wait at jacks or better. either way he would have to wait.

jacks or better was busy but not as busy as it was the night before. cypress johnny did his usual pre-shift routine. he made sure he checked on the the pistol. it was in place. and loaded. johnny told willie he could leave as he was ready to start work. willie left and johnny started taking orders. the bar remained semi busy. there were even some of the regular saturday night players already in place. johnny wondered if they would stick around when the bikers showed up. time would tell.

at around half past 8 tommy walked through the door. he gave johnny a wink and a greeting.

hey, cypress.

tommy. good to see you. you want a drink.

ah, yeah. it wouldn’t hurt. brandy rocks. good stuff, please.

johnny smiled and made tommy his drink.

a few minutes later. eddie otto walked in. he seemed a bit surprised at seeing tommy already there and he almost covered that surprise.

guess we’re expecting an over flow tonight.

yeah, maybe. julio just wanted to be ready for a change. tommy will deal tonight if he’s needed.

ok. fine by me. i just work here.

you good, eddie?

mmmm. vodka rocks. absolut. tommy let’s go back and get set up.

eddie picked up his drink on his way into the poker room. tommy followed him.

just before 9pm jerry powell came in the door. he looked around and seemed surprised and perplexed.

hey, cypress.

jerry.

ah, um, are junior and the guys in the back?

nope. haven’t seen them tonight.

interesting.

are you playing this evening?

i was…now…i. be right back i’m going outside to make a couple of calls.

as he was leaving eddie came out of the poker room and said it was time. six people got up and went inside the game room. jerry powell never came back. tommy sat around and shot the shit with johnny and had a few more drinks on the house before he left. the rest of the night was uneventful and fairly slow. johnny made his last call at the usual time and shortly there after the players left the building as did a couple of the usual drinkers. eddie came out of the game room with the money bag. he placed it on the bar and said.

ok. johnny. see you wednesday night.

no night cap?

not tonight. i gotta run.

with that he was out the door. cypress finished up and locked up. the night was chilly in that middle fall kind of way. a slight fog along with the slight dairy cow smell. johnny made it home without any trouble. as soon as he was inside he called julio.

johnny?

right, julio. everything went ok. as a matter of fact, jerry was the only one who showed up. no sign of the bikers. jerry left without playing.

there was an audible sigh from julio.

ok. good. i don’t know what to make of it yet. maybe…hell….i don’t know. thanks, johnny. i’ll talk to you in the morning.

ok, julio. night.

the line went dead and johnny made himself a vodka rocks. he sat in the dark drinking it and thinking. when he finished the drink he went to bed. he slept fairly well and didn’t wake up until around 9am. while the coffee perked he went outside for the paper. the fog was thicker as was the dairy cow smell. cypress johnny filled his lungs with the smell as he bent down to pick up the newspaper. removing the damp plastic wrap johnny caught the headline below the fold. the headline read: two separate homicides four bikers dead. cypress johnny raced inside to call julio.

johnny?

yeah, julio. i just got the paper. something interesting…

i know. i spoke with our friend a little while ago. i didn’t want to wake you.

he’s quick. that’s all i’m going to say.

yeah. i think you told me once you knew where jerry powell lives.

yeah, a guy told me one time. i can find it. if he’s home his pickup will be out front.

go there right now. our friend’s idea. make an appearance. i’m sure you’ll think of something to say.

ok. i’ll leave now.

i’m going to call eddie and terminate our relationship. call me later.

will do.

one more thing, johnny. take a couple of weeks off. on me. willie and tommy can cover. i’ll find someone else as well. we’re going to need to anyway now.

thanks, julio.

you earned it, johnny.

johnny hung up. got dressed and headed off to jerry powell’s home. he knew the general vicinity and he was able to find the street after a few trips around the area. johnny knew he found the right place when he saw jerry’s red pickup parked in the driveway. after he parked johnny walked up to the front door. he rang the bell then stepped back off the front steps. the same guy that told cypress johnny where jerry powell lived had told him it was a good idea to do that. it made you seem less threatening. there was a wait but eventually the front door opened. jerry powell stood in the doorway. he didn’t look well. a bit haggard and grey around the edges.

what do you want?

nothing jerry. julio and i just wanted to make sure you knew it was over. whatever was on your feeble little mind…is over. for good. got it?

jerry powell didn’t say a word. he just nodded his head yes.

as the door was closing johnny said.

fuck you, jerry.

cypress johnny, feeling nothing, stood there for a moment before he made his way back to the car. johnny fired it it up. he drove south to his home with the new riders song, ‘dirty business’, playing in his head.

he was a block or so from his home when his cell phone rang. it was the southwest airlines stewardess. she would be back in ontario on wednesday.

cypress johnny’s vacation went very well. in particular the lovely evening spent with the southwest airlines lady over dinner and drinks followed by more drinks at johnny’s home. the rest of his vacation passed uneventfully and johnny was more than ready to get back to work even with the changes at jacks or better. julio had hired another dealer, some retired guy who’d worked for many years at the commerce casino dealing black jack. he’d moved out to the ontario area after he’d retired and wandered into the bar one night while johnny was on vacation. from there he’d been offered the job as the house dealer for jacks or better. so far things had worked out for both parties.

johnny went back to work on a monday night. he thought another run on the night shift would be a better way at getting back in the saddle again. plus, it would give him a chance to get to know the new guy. the night had been slow as monday nights usually went especially in the fall. most people stayed home on monday night after having worn themselves out watching football all weekend long. cypress johnny made another last call to an empty house when the front door opened.

johnny was down on the floor putting the money bag in the safe. he stayed there wrestling with the bag and said.

sorry we’re closed.

i heard you were back.

the voice was familiar. sadly familiar. a bit slurred but none the less familiar in a heart thumping way. the voice belonged to jerry powell. johnny stayed down and opened the little door revealing the loaded .357.

is that you jerry?

who do you think it is johnny? the easter bunny? stand up, ass hole.

johnny stayed down and answered.

wrong time of year, jerry. more like the great pumpkin. the great pumpkin bumpkin jerry powell.

i said stand up you fucking coward!

why jerry? i like it down here.

cypress johnny heard the shuffling of feet and a chair scraping across the floor. it sounded as though jerry had stumbled into a table. johnny grabbed the pistol and stood up keeping the firearm under the bar and out of sight. jerry powell was semi reeling about the bar. he had indeed stumbled into a table and chair. jerry was about to ram another table when he caught himself on a chair. he was also waving a gun about. to johnny it looked like and old .32 caliber automatic. the hammer wasn’t back so johnny figured he had a few moments time if it came to it. jerry would have to chamber a round before he fired. johnny doubted jerry was sober enough to remember to do that act before he came through the door. hopefully.

you’re a real piece of shit, johnny. you and your dago pal, julio. a couple of real smart asses. you humps thought i’d just go away after you had your mob friends ice my biker pals. well, guess what? wrong!!

jesus, jerry. what the hell are talking about?

jerry lurched to the left again but caught himself. barely.

you’re a funny guy tonight, jerry. tell you what. why don’t you have another drink. on the house, of course. then you can tell me about your biker pals.

i don’t want another drink.

jerry said that as he plopped down into the chair he was hanging onto. he tried to arrange his body a bit better in the chair but that was working about as well as walking for the man.

fine. so tell me about them.

who? the bikers? yeah. ok. guess i owe you that. ah, when i was in jail for my manslaughter rap. i met em. nice guys. well, ah, i met junior. we were cellmates for a few weeks before my lawyer got me bailed out. we talked a lot.

about what, jerry?

johnny was thinking if he could get jerry to talk some more maybe he’d eventually pass out and johnny could let the cops deal with jerry and his .32 auto. jerry was having trouble focusing.

junior had this idea. he and his boys needed a place to deal their illegal sideline stuff out of. drugs. car parts. guns. women. you know the usual stuff. i thought this place would be perfect. after all it was already sorta not legal and all. junior and i figured if we could run everybody off and turn it into a biker joint julio would be more than happy to part with it at a nice low ball price. with my local connections i’d be the front man. but no. you fucks fucked it up. ass holes.

jerry was amping up again. his anger filled the silent still bar air. as he tried to stand up he pulled back the hammer and fired a round wildly towards johnny.

cypress johnny ducked behind the bar as glass and bourbon splashed to his right. damn, he thought. old jerry was a mess but he somehow had managed to chamber a round and get the hammer back down without firing off the round before he came in. score one for jerry. the nice thing about a .357 is that you don’t have to chamber anything. the pistol is a double action. you just pull the trigger. the gun does the rest. johnny put both hands on the pistol. took a deep breath. held it. stood up.

jerry was startled at the sight and fired another wild shot. this one into the ceiling. as jerry was getting his bearings once again he fumbled with the automatic and the magazine fell to the floor. he looked at it and then fired his last round. it banged into the thick wooden bar front. that was enough for cypress johnny. johnny fired two quick rounds into jerry powell. one into his chest and the other caught him about mid nose. jerry powell was dead before he hit the bar floor. screw jerry telling the cops his story thought johnny. nobody needs that action.

johnny walked around the bar and over to the now dead jerry powell. he saw that the .32 was indeed empty and still in jerry’s hand. the magazine with the left over rounds on the floor a few feet away. he left the scene it as it was. johnny went back to the bar and dialed 911.

911. what is your emergency?

i just shot an armed robber here at jacks or better on east holt blvd in ontario.

after he was finished with the 911 call. cypress johnny took out his cell phone and called julio. as julio was answering the call johnny heard the approaching sirens. he left the .357 on the bar top and went outside to meet the police. by the time he got to the door his call to julio was over. putting the phone back in his pocket he opened the door to a foggy night and the smell of long ago dairy cows.

the end.

jmh

copyright 2011 by john hauge

2011 college football season preview

where to begin? usually about this time of year i’m chomping at the bit and ready for college football to get rolling. not this year. it’s less than a month away and i really don’t care that much. or at least not as much as i used to care. i’ve been a huge college football fan my whole life. nothing like it. or used to be nothing like it. these days it’s just scandal after scandal. for some reason there are too many folks who seem intent on screwing up the game i truly love. being told us old guys are stupid and we should get out of the dark ages because we need to pay these kids to play ball doesn’t help. yeah, i know i’ve already went down that road a while back. but once again, i guess getting an education from a major or minor university doesn’t mean anything anymore. it seems to mean more to have a bazillion tattoos and a free car while not really trying very hard to stay out of jail or going to classes. that would include what seems like most of the coaches these days as well. ah, silly me.

since this is supposed to be a 2011 college football season preview i may as well get to it though my heart isn’t in it and it probably won’t go anywhere anyway. sorta like college football. lots of new stuff this year. the pac 10 is now the pac 12. i’m still trying to figure out what happened to the pac 8. yep. i’m that old. not as old as lou holtz but approaching it. speaking of lou, wags say he got away with a ton of stuff back in his coaching days. today as an analyst he’s trotted out like some sort of god with status when the season rolls around. interesting ain’t it? maybe the seamy underbelly has always been with us and it just reeks more these days and gets more headlines along with it.

how about the big 10? or is it the big 12 or maybe 14? i’ve lost track. then there’s the new nifty names of the two big 10,12, or 14 divisions that NO ONE, save for a few deranged souls, even wants to say or use in print or otherwise utter in mixed company. let alone anyone anywhere who can remember what the hell they are called. and that’s for good reason. the names stink.

texas gets their own tv network sorta and a HUGE chunk of change that deans and athletic directors far and wide will be blowing on strippers and booze just like the fiesta bowl committee did. i mean, if they can’t even police their own kids how the hell is anyone gonna police them and their new found wealth? i see another reality show in the making. ‘college athletic directors stoned on crack chasing strippers’ i think ex usc AD mike garrett would be a good choice for the hosting gig of that show. speaking of usc, they continue on like nothing has happened. reality at the university won’t set in until 2012. and it won’t be pretty. thanks again reggie and coach petey.

speaking of delusional, what about my beloved ducks? what’s up with visor head kelly? that no huddle offense he’s been running seems to have clogged up his thinking. hey, i’ll spend 25k on some scouting report that’s not worth spit and leave a paper trail the likes of no ncaa investigator has ever seen. maybe nike can buy his way out of the mess he’s put the school in, though it doesn’t seem likely. the ncaa will get around to him by next year. maybe. and even if he does manage a decent record this year it will end up being for nought because they’ll make the season null and void. the kids don’t care. they get to be on TV and rob their fellow students when they aren’t on TV. or be on TV when they rob the local stop and rob. a win win win for sure. hey, what about another TV reality show starring chip’s visor? sure, why not? the premise could be old chip gets to pick someone who he wants to wear the visor on the sidelines during a regular season game. at least then he wouldn’t look like a dork for one week of the season. jim tressel isn’t doing anything so he could be the the show’s host. perfect.

i just can’t get into it. maybe once the season gets started i’ll feel like getting into the games a bit more. or maybe not. there’s just to many drunken drug addled thieving thugs being coached by self serving money grubbing butt heads all of whom are seemingly hell bent on destroying college football. whether they’re aware of it or not.

jmh

John Zen, PI

The silver threaded dawn crawled ever so slowly over the San Gorgonio mountains that had stood as sentinels to the east of Never Land long before anyone had dreamed of it. That place where dreams fade as fast as a Sunday paper left too long in the hot morning sun. Forlorn memories simply left to rot out the rest of their lives in a place said to be, Lotus Land. The Spanish called it, The Land of Fire. Hot, even in December. No weather El Nino to rescue the Christ child this year from the hot dry east winds. Santa Anas. They come blowing out of the canyon gouged out by the river of the same name centuries ago. Huge ripping sand filled winds blasting out to where the river meets the sea and where the river meets it’s death. Just another death in the city of Lost Angels. No one bothers anymore with the deaths other than the cops, TV news people, a few relatives, and John Zen, PI. PI to the futilely hopeless faded phantoms of the past and future. Sucked dry by the devil winds.

With the advent of morning light the dust became visible as the sand filled air stretched for miles across the valley floor. The place the Indians called, the Valley of Smoke, long before the white man came and made it forever, the Valley of Smog. A dry skin itch crept up and over John Zen’s back up onto his head and over into his eyes as he tried to remember that kind of December when the rains and snow came and you could see for miles and miles. Clear, cold, white capped vistas where ever you looked. That crystal clear never ending vision of life and love. He pulled the last Pall Mall from the pack and threw the crumpled wrapper to the car floor. The sulfur from the kitchen match bit at his lungs and the grit from the wind made his eyes water as he lit the smoke. His watery eyes left tiny clots of sand in the corner of each eye. It was early in the day and he was already on a course to being miserable.

That split second when one realizes that things are not what they should be shook, John Zen, from his waking sleep of dreams and jolted him wide awake. Amos Fly, was not following his usual morning routine. Shit, Zen thought as he started the coupe then wheeled it past the sparse oncoming traffic with their horns blaring to wake the rest of the sleeping citizens. Double crap, he thought, but Amos Fly was oblivious to the horns and screeching tires. Or so it seemed. A man on a mission, thought, Zen. But what mission? The Fly man drove by his usual morning haunt, Dee’s Diner, and turned north towards the purple San Gabriels. The devil winds howling mad as a dog from hell rocked the sedan and coupe on their lonely journey. To where? Where is he going? Wondered, the PI. When the cars made it to the foothills, Amos Fly turned left onto San Gabriel Canyon Road. John Zen backed off as he knew Fly would spot him this time of day on that lonely stretch of road. He also knew that for the next 20 miles there was no where for the Fly to fly, not until the road met Azusa Canyon Road. With the wind rocking and pushing the car to and fro, John Zen, settled back and cursed the fact he was out of smokes. A gigantic hurricane force blast of dust and leaves almost pushed the car into the ravine on the right side of the road. The winding snake like road was deadly even in the best of weather. He slowed down even further.

Zen grabbed the wheel with one hand and almost broke it in half. With his other hand he rummaged through the glove box looking for another pack of smokes. His hand found what he was looking for, a fresh pack of Pall Mall reds. Vivian, my light and hope, he thought, always there to take care of me. He managed to get the pack open without driving off the road. He lit a smoke and sucked it deeply into his nicotine starved lungs. Exhaling and filling the car with it’s sweet smoke the coupe found an open straight stretch of road…and no Amos Fly.

Jolted again to the point of almost losing control of the coupe Zen slammed on the breaks and put the car sideways on the white center line. Recovering he pulled over to the right side of the road where there was a small turn out stopped and got out. To be sure Amos Fly had flown, he thought, but where? There were no other roads for miles. Getting back in the car he turned it around and drove slowly back retracing his drive. With the morning light getting brighter by the moment the bottom of the ravine was no longer in shadows but clearly visible. Zen was able to see if Fly had gone over the edge into the long fall to his death and the other side into darkness. Almost back to the point where the road began it became clear that Fly was probably alive and that he must be some sort of magician. Turning around once again he stopped the car and lit another smoke. Where could he have flown? John, wondered.

Then like the blast of a short round it hit him. Electrifying his body with a charge that lifted him off the front seat of the coupe. Amos Fly, wasn’t a magician after all. He must have one of those funny little keys for the locks Southern California Edison used on the fire roads. Not really roads but fire breaks in the mountains and canyons that were carved out in the rocks and scrub to slow the wild fires on their drive to the valley floor and humanity.

Crap, Zen, thought, as he put the car in gear and drove slowly west again. This time looking at the hillside instead of down into the ravine. Looking towards the hillside for the fire roads. A bit later he saw it. Almost covered by the limbs of a large ancient oak tree it sat hidden as it veered to the right. Zen pulled in and stopped. Yes, he thought, even with the winds howling he could tell someone had stopped there. John saw the tire tracks left in the sand. Tire tracks not yet blown away by the wind. Sure enough, one of the locks on the iron pole gate was an Edison lock. He slid his own Edison key into the lock and it opened. Shit, that’s how he did it. While re-locking the gate he spotted where the car had made it’s u turn and then waited for his car to pass. I’ll never find him now, he thought. Amos Fly was gone like the leaves of the liquid amber tree in the fall. Blown to God knows where.

By the time John Zen got over feeling sorry for himself and the lose of Amos Fly, he realized he was hungry. Slipping the coupe back into gear he drove east and back the way he had come. The wind still rocking the car but not as badly as before. The bright sun had that effect on the winds. Sometimes lulling you into a false sense of, ah, it’s over. Only to come back with a vengeance as the sun faded into the west. A vengeance only the dogs of hell could muster or the devil Santa Anas. Almost back to civilization John left the lonely twisting road. It would stay lonely until the weekend when college and high school kids drunk on booze and life would, if they were lucky, manage to kill only a few of themselves on it’s winding path.

Turning right he made that long straight downhill ride to Route 66. He lit another smoke and pondered his next move. After another right onto Route 66 itself. Forty or fifty yards later he pulled into the parking lot of Dee’s Diner. While shutting off the engine he looked over the other cars in the lot and didn’t spot Fly’s sedan. Getting out Zen stretched then walked to the front door of the diner. He was thinking this is a strange joint. Just an old railroad dining car turned into a restaurant, painted red, white, and blue, sitting out here in the vineyards. Opening the door the smell of good food over took his thoughts. A voice came out of the steam of the grill. It came from a portly Italian man wearing a white apron over a white tee shirt.

“Hey, pal, whadda ya have?”

“What’s good?”

“We got the best chili and French dip this side of Philippe’s.”

“Gimme both. I missed breakfast.”

“Coming right up.”

When the food appeared John asked the man about Amos Fly.

“Yeah, I know the guy. He doesn’t say much and he’s always using the phone. Tips good though.”

The food was delicious, and John Zen said so. He left a hefty tip and went out to his car. Back out in the parking lot the air was almost still with only short heaving gusts of wind leaving the air hot in that strange winter time hot of the valleys. He got into his car and lit a smoke.

jmh

John Zen, PI Chapter 2

As Zen sat in his car smoking, dreams of reality came flooding back to him like pictures from a long dead childhood. Black and white photos to soothe and cut into the heart’s memory of time and space. A stop sign up ahead almost covered by the gritty sand of the grape fields. Huge gusts of wind blowing into and through life’s safe little havens. Those almost forgotten piles of sand in the kitchen sink under that east facing window. The first thing you saw as a kid when you went to the kitchen for breakfast. The mountains blown clean and stark in the days bright light. Only to fade into that long dismally dark of night’s long journey to daylight once again and maybe peace. Peace of mind came and went with the hurricane of wind and dust. Dust and grit sandblasting everything in it’s path.

The smoke felt good in his lungs. He sucked it deeper. John had always hated these all night sit and watch jobs Vivian was forever finding him so he could pay the rent on time and eat. Especially in December, the month of the Mother and Child and hope. Now that he’d lost Amos Fly his hopes seemed to have dimmed. With hope dashed, the life we live ends all hope and time punches out your lights with one last hurrah. Let’s hit him again. He ain’t bleeding. Yet.

Vivian, yeah, sweet, Vivian. Some babe, Vivian. Zen thought. She stuck with him through thick and thin like she was his sister. This Amos Fly job was for her. A cheap payback for all the past deeds come and gone. Future deeds as well.

The trees and grape vines bent with a new blast of wind. Dust and sand scraped at the car windows finishing the pitting the sand and wind had started in past Decembers. With one last long deep drag from the Pall Mall it gave up it’s life and flooded his lungs with another. Zen crushed the butt out in the ashtray. This bird on the run, Amos Fly, probably a small time ginch with a taste for bad juju and larceny was gone and into that wind.

The blowing sand piled up along the road like drifting snow. Great brown patches of the stuff serpenting along the road’s edge obscuring it completely in places. Tumbleweeds stacked up against everything that got in their way. Fences, houses, or anything else that stood still long enough. Tumbleweeds, brought to this desert years ago by some mad man in hopes that the cattle they had imported would feed on it. The cattle wanted nothing to do with the prickly weed. Thousands of tumbleweeds piling up like a log jam in a river of sand. Sitting and waiting for some one with a pitch fork and a strong back to come and clear them away. The pitchfork. The Devil winds. It was as if God was speaking and no one was listening.

When Zen got to Euclid Ave he needed to make a choice. Stay up near the foothills or go south on that street named for the mathematician. The street lined on both sides with miles and miles of gravilla and pepper trees. A street with a wide median that stretched from the lemon groves of the foothills south to the dairies. All those trees standing like more sentinels at the gates of heaven and hell. The trees were planted by brothers who had come from Canada years ago to build a city of their dreams. They did the job then moved on to Australia to start all over again. Zen opted for the trees and river of green over the brown shifting sand. A full stomach and lungs full of nicotine made it hard for him to stay awake as he passed through the rhythmic early morning shadows of the tall trees. He needed to get to a phone and make some calls. Calls that if made soon enough might do some good in finding Amos Fly.

Lack of sleep and a desire to see his old friend, Sam Hobbs, owner of the once swanky, Ford Lunch, in Ontario, pushed John further south. At one time, Ford Lunch was the place to stop on the way out to Charlie Farrel’s Palm Springs paradise. Which in the late 30′s was a youthful watering hole for the makers and shakers of Lotus Land. Along the way, Ford Lunch became a pit stop for the jaded. That is if you weren’t a Mexican or worse yet, Black. That’s the way things were before the last two wars and even today after the Korean police action. Sam and his brother also owned a string of race horses along with several hundred head of prime beef. Which of course, didn’t eat the tumbleweeds either. Sam and John went way back as John’s mother was at one time the Hobb’s family cook and cleaning lady.

Thinking of the phone calls he needed to make Zen made the left turn from Euclid onto Holt Blvd. Three rapid fire shots rang out. The rear window of his coupe suddenly shattered into thousands of glass missiles. The flying shards biting at the back of John Zen’s neck. Almost losing control of the coupe and narrowly missing a delivery truck at the curb Zen jerked the wheel hard right then left while power shifting into second gear. Tires smoking, he sped away from the intersection. He could feel the blood begin to trickle down his neck to his collar. Zen careened along to the next corner and made a squealing right turn and went a block south into the Ontario Police Department’s parking lot. Some of the bulls were already outside lured by the gunfire and screeching tires. One of the men was John’s old high school buddy, Chief of Detectives, Don Ray. Zen parked and then went to the trunk for a towel to put on his bleeding neck. His old friend ran up to him and said.

“Christ, it had to be you didn’t it, Zen?”. The big blond man grabbed John’s free hand and pumped a greeting.

“What other circumstances would you prefer?”, smiled Zen.

John then told his friend what had just happened. The Chief of Detectives sent the squad cars out to look for anything and everything. Don Ray spoke again.

“Come inside and we’ll take a look at your neck.”

“Sure. Okay.”

The two old friends walked inside talking of old times and leaving the current situation for later. After Zen’s neck had been cleaned up John told his friend why he was in town his and about and the flown, Amos Fly. A uniformed officer knocked and entered the office shaking a manilla folder.

“Chief, we found these on the backseat of your friend’s car. Looks like small caliber rounds but they’re pretty well smashed up. I doubt they will be of any use to us.”

Don Ray just nodded his head and the officer turned and left. After a moment he spoke.

“Fly? Yeah, I’ve heard of him.” said the Chief of Detectives. “He’s been around the area for several months and works for one of the vineyard boys out in Cucamonga.”

The chief continued, “He got into trouble a few weeks back over the working girl you mentioned but nothing more than that. Though there’s been some talk about a racing wire and some of the guys he’s working with. But nothing we can put a finger on.”

“Yeah, okay, who does he work for?”, asked Zen.

“Jimmy Fratino.”

“You mean, the Otter?”

“Yep, that’s him”, replied his old friend.

“Christ, the mob. I might have known.”

The Italian mob had long ago made it’s presence felt in the bucolic Cucamonga/Upland/Ontario area. Lured there by cheap land and a land that grew some of the finest mission and zinfandel grapes in the world. The mob usually kept a low profile in the hinterlands, while saving it’s more lurid life for the city of Lost Angels. Out in the vineyards they held their secret meetings and initiation rites for the new “made men”. Some of those men, at times, made their way back out to the vineyards only to find a hole waiting for them in some quiet spot among the vines. Or made a last car ride out to the area only to be dumped along some lonely stretch of farmland road. Dead, of course, before they hit the pavement.

With mob involvement things had made a drastic turn for the worse for Zen. Involvement that meant he would need to have local police help and he would need to help the cops. Both men agreed to help one another in any way they could. After bidding farewell to Don Ray he made a stop at a local car dealer to have the coupe’s rear window replaced. While waiting for the repair he made several calls on their pay phone. One of the calls was to another friend, Ben Morris.

“Hannigan’s”, growled the voice that answered the phone.

“Ben, you old Irish pretender you.”

“That you, John? Listen I have some fight tickets. The guy I was going with can’t make it. You wanna go? We”ll be so close we’re gonna get sprinkled with sweat and blood, my friend. A regular pugs baptism.” Laughed Ben.

“Great, sounds good. Look Ben, I need a favor. We need to talk, privately.”

“Yeah, okay. Come to the bar tomorrow morning, before we open. I’ll be here.”

“Thanks Ben. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Fine. tell Vivian I still love her.”

“You and me both, pal. See ya.”

With that Zen rang off, collected his coupe, and made the long drive home for some much needed sleep.

Bad juju and that long drive home made for one tired p.i., thought Zen, as he finally made it over the hill named for the cereal king, W. K. Kellogg, and down into the next valley. It was a little cooler and somewhat less windy there as the sun was quickly fading with a long free fall into a crimson and gold flecked sky. Car headlights flicked on like maniac fire flies searching for love or lust. Thoughts of going by the office were long gone. He wanted only booze, a shower, and sleep. He would also call Vivian. Vivian…yeah…one hell of a case you found for us, eh, sis?, he thought. Parking on the street he quickly made it up the stairs to his apartment. Silently he opened the door and stepped into the darkness. As usual after he’d been gone for a time John had his .45 out. Zen’s body was tense with his senses reaching into the dark apartment. Not finding anything he sighed and turned on the lights. Zen, stripped off his bloody clothes and stepped into a very hot shower. The hot shower felt good as the blood and grime were washed down the drain. Stepping out of the shower he felt somewhat renewed. He dried off and got into a robe.

John made a drink of scotch on the rocks and drank it down. He made another then called Vivian.

Vivian answered with, “Oh, Zen, where have you been? I’ve been so worried.” Zen replayed the days events for her.

“My God no, Zen, what have I done? When my old school chum, Brenda May, asked if I or uh you could help her out with this Fly character I never realized it would lead to this. I knew she had fallen on hard times but now this mob deal. Oh my God. I should never have asked you to help me or my friend, oh my God, Zen, what have I done?”

The words had come out in such a rush it made Zen chuckle. His first laugh of the long day. “It’s okay, Vivian. It’s okay. Look, I think I need to find a place out in Ontario in order to be a little closer to the action.”

“Sure, Zen, whatever you say”.

“Okay, Vivian, I’ll see you at the office in the morning. Have a good night, sis.”

“Yes, alright, Zen, sleep well and lock the door.”

”Done deal, babe.”

With that they said good bye. Zen, checked the magazine in his .45 one more time, re-chambered a round, finished off the scotch, turned the lights off, and feel into bed.

Sleep came almost instantly. The dreams came later. At first just movies to amuse the mind. Nothing really to be remembered. One of life’s little perks in living color with sound and maybe some laughs, if you were lucky. Just stuff the bored mind makes up while we sleep and how’s it go…to perchance dream. The simple movies vanished with an explosion of brilliant white light. Hot lead rained down from above pelting him as he scurried head down looking for somewhere to hide. Death was all about but it never found him. Death found others in his stead. The dream of Korea was back. This night with a vengeance. A phone was ringing far away. Getting closer with each ring. Zen struggled with the dream and the ringing phone. As usual the phone won.

“Yeah. Alright. I’m awake.”

“Zen?” It was the voice of his cop friend, Don Ray. “Look we found Amos Fly.”

“Where?”

“Out near Rialto Colton and the cement pit.”

“Is he alive?” As soon as Zen spoke the words he knew the answer.

“No, Zen, he was…I know this is a little early for this but he was drawn and quartered.”

“Whoa. Okay. Let me get it together and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“You know where it is, right?”

“Yeah, i remember it. The place with the flagpole right by the side of the road.”

“That’s it. See you when you get here.”

John Zen knew the place. It had been there for what seemed like forever, a huge mound of concrete to be mined and used to build the homes and businesses in the area. Of course Zen knew it. Zen knew that when the mountain of concrete powder was gone, when it gave up it’s last load, Zen would be just some more dust and powder. He would be dead like the last roses of a warm December.

jmh

John Zen, PI Chapter 3

The mad drive into the rising morning sun to the dead body of Amos Fly was over before John Zen knew it. His mind so wrapped up in the murder of the seemingly petty thug he was just about oblivious to everything. The coroner arrived as he pulled into the quarry. His friend, Don Ray, greeted him with a wave of his hand and then beckoned him over with the other. Amos Fly’s corpse was already covered with the standard issue southern California homicide scene blue plastic tarp.

The detective asked, “You want to see?”

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

Flies had already found the mouth of Amos Fly. They danced in and out of it in the early morning light and warmth.

“Shit.” said John.

“Yeah. That too. Zen, someone took their time on this one.”

“No night watchman?”

“Not last night. The guy called in. His wife was having a baby.”

“Convenient.”

“We already checked. It’s legit. The owners didn’t think one night without a guard would matter all that much.”

“I suppose, that is if you aren’t Amos Fly. Christ, they made such precise cuts.”

“Yep. looks like surgical stuff. The lab boys will check it out.”

Don Ray backed off a step then looked off into the mountains as if to clear the scene from his head. The slowing winds lightly fanned about the two men as he spoke.

“The guy was a ginch. But no one deserves to get it this way, John. He was chopped up and left here for the first workers to find when they come in at 4am. I got the call at 5am.”

“Thanks for calling me, Don. I’ll be here all day looking around to see what I can find.”

“Sure, Zen, we go way back. I know you’re solid. Keep it close to the vest and keep me posted.”

“Sure chief.”

John Zen shook the detective’s hand. Looked once more at the bloody carved up body of Amos Fly and walked back to his car. The slight morning winds helped clear the blood smell that lingered in his nose and the copper taste in his throat. The Pall Mall smoke helped even more to clear the smell and his head.

He drove to Ontario for breakfast at Ford Lunch and to visit his old friend, Sam Hobbs. They greeted each other as only long lost friends can. Each talking in a rush and listening faster.

“Ha ha. I know it’s not funny but I was out back in the store room yesterday when I heard the gun shots and screeching tires. I wondered what was going on.” Sam continued. “So you’re looking to stay here awhile, eh?”

“Yeah, Sam, it would make things easier for me.”

“You can move into the guest house at my place, John. The couple that were living there moved out. Since Hattie died I haven’t had anyone to chat with when I’m at home.”

“Okay, Sam, thanks Sounds good to me.”

Sam handed him the key and said, “Make yourself at home. The phone is still hooked up. I put it in my name.”

“Great, Sam, thanks so very much.’ With that along with a full stomach John Zen drove further south to the old Hobbs place and a long forgotten youth.

He drove south to place where the gravillas and pepper trees ended. To where the farms and dairies began. To that place out of his past. It stood on the northwest corner of Euclid and Ely. Maybe on a couple or three acres of land. Old long abandoned chicken coops and a small horse stable flanked one side of the property. A nice one story house, still painted white, as the center piece. Though to John Zen the real center piece was the huge gnarled old fig tree that had stood in the courtyard for many many long years. The tree trunk was a good 4 feet in diameter and the tree itself yielded up some of the best figs anywhere. The sweet fruit and leaves gone now in the warm December. The majestic tree of his youth had grown even larger. It’s bare limbs stretching out and covering the courtyard. Zen parked his car under the broad lifeless limbs which cast broken shadows of winter light over the decaying asphalt drive. He got out of the coupe and walked over to the tree and put both of his hands on the trunk. Catching up on old times, as it were. The tree swayed gently in the breeze as if to welcome John home again. Zen wished it were summer and the tree so full of fruit that it dropped everywhere. As if it were inviting you to taste it’s sweet bounty. All that fruit on the ground made you stop to sample some of it’s richness. While you rested and hid from the hot bright summertime sun.

He stood there and looked at the home where his mother had worked and the home he played in as kid. Often playing cards or parcheesi with his mother and Hattie at the large dining room table. John imagined he could still hear the laughter ringing inside the home. His mother and Hattie were both gone now. The laughter and joy of youth gone now as well in a current misshapen world of long ago dreams. As he thought this and other thoughts he wiped away a tear as he walked over to the guest house. Opening the door brought back many more memories of others who had lived and loved inside the small cottage. The gambler and his wife. Gone now as well. Among others from a long ago past.

Inside he found the phone and called Vivian.

“Hey, sis, it’s me.”

“Zen, finally. What’s going on? I’ve been calling your apartment all morning.”

He filled her in on the events of the morning and gave her the number that was on the phone. John told her to take some money from the stash and buy a big steak along with a bottle of dago red for dinner that night. He hoped she would but she rarely did what he asked unless it had something to do with the business. He gave her a sisterly phone smooch and signed off. While sitting at the kitchen table looking at the lifeless fig tree and it’s bare limbs his thoughts weaved a tangled web.

Realizing he was miles away from his scheduled talk with Ben Morris he made another call.

“Hannigan’s. And we ain’t open yet. Call back later.”

“Ben, it’s John. Something’s come up and I’m going to be stuck out in Ontario for at least the day. We still need to talk though. It concerns some friends of yours.”

“I understand. The phone isn’t a place for that sort of conversation. Come and see me when you can. I’ll come in early all week just for you.”

“Thanks Ben. If you want to talk I’ll be at this number.” After reading his friend the number Zen hung up the phone and lit a smoke.

Ben Morris was one of those strange folks you come across in your life thought Zen as the Pall Mall smoke swirled around his head. He was a client from a few years back who John had helped get clear of some movie studio trouble and while doing so Ben had become his friend. Ben turned out to be a good friend to have. The studio madness soured Ben to the Hollywood scene he had grown up with. So, Ben Morris became a business man and bar owner in downtown Los Angeles near Third Street. He cultivated many friends in his new business enterprise with his quick wit and vast knowledge of firearms among many other things. Friends, most folks would certainly shy away from. Friends, that on occasion would sell him firearms or come looking to him for something special. Something special for that special job. Ben Morris was also known for his loyalty to his friends and his tight lips. Attributes his new friends appreciated.

The ringing phone brought Zen out of his reverie.

“John. Ben. Look, I just heard about something going on out where you are. Does it have anything to do with our talk?”

“Yeah, most probably so. Find out what you can and I’ll be at your place tomorrow morning for sure. First thing.”

“Okay. See you. Keep your head down.”

Ben rang off before Zen could make his reply.

If Ben Morris was already getting some info on the Amos Fly murder it meant the case was moving forward. A murder that now was probably, most assuredly, a mob hit. A hit that was made to make a statement. A statement that was meant for someone to take deep into their heart. Lighting another smoke with the butt of the one he was smoking Zen called Velda at the office.

“John Zen, P.I.” spilled the lilting voice.

‘”Hey, sweetie. I’ll be back in town tomorrow morning. Things are beginning to move. I’m going to stay out here for the day and try to talk to your gal pal, Brenda May. Is she still staying at the Orange Hotel?”

“As far as I know, John.”

“Fine. See you late tomorrow morning.”

“OK. John. Be careful.”

“Thanks.”

After locking up Zen started the coupe and drove back north. He was thinking the best way to handle things at the Orange Hotel would be a stop at Ford Lunch and have a quick word with Sam Hobbs. He parked on Euclid Ave. along the curb. Got out and went inside. He saw his friend talking to some people in a rear booth. The cafe was almost deserted as it was mid morning. The breakfast crowd had thinned out to just that booth. The lunch crowd was still an hour or so away. Zen stayed where he was. When Sam finished his chat he walked over to his friend.

“Long time no see.” Sam chuckled.

“Yeah. It’s been awhile.” Replied Zen. “Sam, i’m going back to Los Angeles this afternoon for some business. But before I go I need to talk to a working girl at the Orange Hotel. Who do I need to see? If you get my drift. I want to keep this as simple and painless as possible.”

“Sure, John, I understand. Let me see, you want to ask for Fast Eddie. He’s a bellboy. His real name is Edward Otto but everyone calls him Fast Eddie. He’s the guy you want to talk to.”

“Thanks, Sam. I’ll stay in touch and I’ll keep the house key.”

“Not a problem, John. Keep your head down.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. I guess I’d better.”

The Orange Hotel was just a block and a half from Ford Lunch. Zen drove the short distance and parked the coupe in the lot out back. John knew that going up to the desk and asking for Brenda May’s room number would just be asking for trouble. He also knew that finding Fast Eddie and then asking about Brenda was somewhat edgy as well. He formed a plan and as he stepped into the time worn lobby he bought a newspaper. Then he went to the shoe shine stand and sat in the chair. As the young man began to shine his shoes Zen read the paper. After a few minutes John asked the young man which bellboy was Fast Eddie. The young man looked up from his work and said with a smile.

“Fast Eddie? This time of day? Mister, you must be crazy. Fast Eddie don’t be come to work till after 4 most days.”

“Oh. I see. Well, a friend of mine suggested I see him about this girl, Brenda May. He said if I was ever in the area to stop by and pay her a visit.”

As John said this he folded a five in half and handed it to the young man. The youngster palmed the fin and said under his breath.

“She be in room 548, mister.”

“Thanks.” replied Zen. The shine cloth snapped a few more times as the young man finished up the job.

After paying for the shoe shine he walked over to the elevator and lit a smoke as he waited. Getting in he hit the fourth floor button. At the fourth floor he got out and walked up the stairs to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor he looked both ways to get his bearings while he stubbed out his smoke. He turned left and walked to room number 548. Before knocking on the door he took a deep breath and put his hand inside his jacket and closed it around his gun. He knocked. There was no answer but he could hear movement inside the room. He knocked again. This time louder.

“Who is it? What do you want? I’m busy.”

“Fast Eddie sent me.” Was Zen’s reply.

With that the door opened and a rather good looking dark haired woman stood in the door way with her hands on her hips.

“It’s too early for that. Besides I have to go out. So scram!”.

John pushed his way into the room while drawing his gun. He kicked the door closed behind him. Quickly scanning the room he saw that Miss May, was packing her bags. Stepping to the bathroom he looked inside. Opening the closet door revealed there was no on else in the room other than the two of them. Putting his gun back in his shoulder holster he said.

“John Zen, PI. You must be Brenda May. Looks like you’re in a hurry here.”

“So, you’re Vivian’s p.i. boss? Hmmm. Well, honey, you’re too late to help me now. Just get out of here and tell Vivian thanks but she can’t help me any more.”

With that she turned and began to pack more of her clothes into the open suitcase on the bed.

“Look, sister, things aren’t that simple now. Someone is dead and it looks like you think you might be next. Talk to me before it’s too late.”

Brenda turned from her packing with tears running down her face, streaking her make-up.

“Honestly, I don’t know anything. All I know is Amos Fly is dead. He was nothing but trouble for me. See? A strange little man with strange feelings about me. I haven’t seen him since the cops got involved a few weeks back. The guy was trouble. I don’t know anything. Now he’s dead and I’m not sticking around to find out if I’m next.”

“Where are you going?”

“Back to L.A. I guess. I don’t know. But I’m not staying here.”

“Okay. I’m heading that way myself. Why don’t I give you are ride back to L.A. You can stay with Vivian.”

“No, I’m not getting Vivian involved anymore than she already is. I have a friend near downtown who I can stay with. I’ll take the ride offer and you can drop me off at Union Station.”

“Fine. Finish packing and let’s go.”

Brenda May quickly finished packing and John Zen led her to the stairway for the walk down the five floors to the lobby.

“No sense taking the elevator. We don’t want anyone to see you leave here with a suitcase in your hand.”

When they arrived at the ground floor Zen stepped into the deserted lobby. Looked about. Then he grabbed Brenda by the wrist and they made a quick exit out into the parking lot. Zen tossed the suitcase into the back seat as he started the car. Brenda May was already sitting in the front seat.

“Get down so no one will see you leaving the hotel with me.”

She did as she was told and the two of them started their trip back to Los Angeles. They drove in silence for a few miles. Zen lit a smoke and spoke.

“I think you know more than you’re letting on. Come clean with me and maybe I can put a stop to all the madness in your life. How did you meet this Amos Fly character?”

“Fast Eddie said there was going to be a party out at one of the wineries in Cucamonga. This was a few months back. I’d been stuck at the hotel for awhile and just sorta drifted into a working girls life. A girl’s got to eat you know.”

“Sure. Go on.”

“Well, me and a few girls took him up on the offer and we were driven out to the winery.”

“Do you remember which one?”

“It was dark but, yeah. It was the big stone place out past Archibald and the train tracks some where near Turner, I think.”

‘Okay. That’s good. It must have been Padre winery. Keep going.”

“We got there and there’s a bunch of Italians and a few other guys standing around drinking and eating in this very nice large room inside the winery. Lots of food and drinks set out. Us girls were told to just mingle and if the guys wanted anything they would let us know.”

“Tell me some more about those other guys that were there that night.”

“Nothing much to tell other than Amos was one of the guys, along with 4 or 5 of his friends, I guess.”

“So was Amos the guy in charge or what? I mean obviously the Italian mob guys were hosting some sort of party. Who seemed to be the other big shot?”

“Oh, it wasn’t Amos. That’s for sure. It was some other really good looking guy along with this sorta dumpy side kick kinda guy. Amos seemed to know both groups of people. The Italians and whoever the other guys were.”

“So how did you get to know Amos from that evening?’

“Come on. He wanted to get laid and he picked me. He was pretty drunk and had some trouble. I didn’t give him a hard time about it and I guess he fell in love. Simple as that.”

John Zen was beginning to see the picture. To bring it to clarity he would need to have his talk with Ben Morris in the morning.

“I see. So you do Amos. He falls in love and then won’t leave you alone. Right?”

“Yeah, that pretty much covers it. The guy was creepy, ya know? But look, I needed the money and he was easy.”

“Okay. Understood. Did you happen to over hear anything while you were around Amos or at this party?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like anybody talking about some business deals you weren’t supposed to hear.”

Brenda sat and thought about that for a mile or two. She finally spoke.

“Yeah. Maybe. See, we had gone between these two big redwood wine tanks for some privacy. I don’t think anyone saw us go back there. But while I was trying to get things taken care of I heard the big Italian guy and the good looking guy with his dumpy friend talking about Nevada and Las Vegas. And some stuff about a new horse wire in Los Angeles that was going to go up against the guys from Chicago.”

“Jesus, honey, no wonder you’re scared. Yeah, you might be next on their hit parade alright. Someone saw you two back there and Amos did something after that night that made some one very unhappy.”

They drove the rest of the way into downtown Los Angeles in a sporadic silence. There was no way Zen could really put it all together without some more info. He had most of what he needed from Brenda but the rest of what she had was probably just Amos Fly being some sort of a strange freak. Nothing that would move things along as to why he was killed or just what the mob had in it’s plans. Or more importantly what Amos had done to get himself so brutally murdered.

The afternoon was bight and clear with very little left in the way of the Santa Ana winds. The tail end of the devil winds was always very welcome. That’s if there could be a good thing to the winds. The departure of the wind left the air and vistas scoured clean for a time. Or until things went back to normal and the smog began to roll back in from the Pacific where it had been blown by the winds in order to turn things back into that dappled wintertime southern California sunlight of transparent grey brown hues. Hues that reminded the locals of summertime but without the oppressive heat. It would stay that way until it rained or the next Santa Ana blew in to scour the air clean once again.

Zen exited the highway at Alameda St. He turned right and drove the short distance to Union Station. The City of Lost Angels beautiful Spanish slash art deco train station. Usually the place where those with money arrived in L.A. Not the Greyhound bus depot, just a few miles to the west. Where legions of Howard Hughes’ men preyed on the young women from corn country who came to L.A. without much of anything in their pockets other than a lust for the silver screen. The men Hughes sent promised them motion picture work and a place to live. All they had to do was sign on the line and Mr. Hughes would take care of everything. Some of them were lucky enough never to see Mr. Hughes. Or the inside of a motion picture studio, for that matter. Others, well, others, just ended up as Howard’s fuck toys. Living the life of Lotus Land while being used and abused by the jackals and locusts of tinsel town. Some made it out. Others never did. Just another seemingly endless sad story in the City of Lost Love.

Zen pulled to the curb in front of the station. There were some comings and goings but not enough for a porter to rush him away from the curb. He removed Brenda May’s bag from the back seat and told her.

“Look, if you need anything at all, you call Vivian. Understand? I don’t like this but you’re a big girl and I can’t make you hide out with Vivian if you don’t want to.”

“Thanks, John, for all you and Vivian have done for me. I just don’t want you involved anymore with me and my screw ups. Okay? I’ll be fine. My friend will pick me up here as soon as I call. Please, don’t worry.”

With that she gave Zen a hug and a kiss on his neck then turned to walk into the train station. She went a few paces toward the lobby doors then turned and gave John a big wonderful smile. A smile and a wave that made his heart skip a beat.

jmh

John Zen, PI Chapter 4

John stood there and watched her go through the ornate train station doors. He saw her stop at the first pay phone and drop a dime in the slot.

“Well. That about does it. At least for now.” John said aloud.

He got back into his car and drove over to his downtown L.A. office thinking of Brenda May as he drove. It wasn’t much of an office building just three floors of walk ups with his office being on the second floor. He parked out front and made his way up the used worn stairs. Reaching his floor he turned right and walked over to the second door on his left. It was closed. Thinking that it was funny because Vivian should still be there. It wasn’t that late and she liked having the door open. Vivian, didn’t like surprises either. The door was locked.

Zen found the key and slipped it into the lock. With his other hand he pulled out his .45. Opening the door he saw a note taped to the chair facing Vivian’s desk. He closed the door but kept the gun in his hand. The note was from Vivian, saying she had left early to help her mother do a few things that couldn’t wait for the weekend. Besides, she pointed out, it wasn’t like the world was pounding down the door for John Zen’s services. Always a kidder Zen thought with a smile. He holstered his gun and sat at his desk.

Picking up his phone he called Chief of Detectives Don Ray out in Ontario. The chief answered on the second ring.

“Chief Ray.”

“Don, Zen, here. I just wanted to let you know that I helped, Brenda May, skip town.”

‘”Okay. But why bother?”

“She was leaving anyway and I think someone thinks she knows something about what’s going on with the mob out there and maybe elsewhere.”

“I see. Maybe I should have had a talk with her. You could have swung by here on your way out of town.”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe. Though I doubt she would have said a word to you about anything.”

“Yeah, probably.” The detective sighed.

“She did mention the fact that Amos seemed to be like a go between the Italians and possibly some Jewish mobsters. I figure the hoods she saw with some Italians to be Jews from back east.”

“You may be on to something there, Zen. That would more or less give us something solid on the racing wire deal. The Jewish mobsters have had that action for years.”

“Just letting you know, my friend.”

“Thanks for the info, I’ll see what I can do with it. Are you still in town? Maybe we can have dinner at the Iron Skillet or Sam’s place this evening.”

“No, Don, sorry. I’m back in L.A. for the night. I have to see a man here in the morning about something that might shed a lot more light on the situation.”

“Alright then. Thanks for calling and keep me posted. See you when you get back here.”

After hanging up Zen leaned back and stretched out in his gnarled wooden office chair. He lit a fresh Pall Mall and let the rich smoke do it’s job as it swirled about his head in the still office air. Shafts of light coming through the venetian blinds sent sharp crisp black and white images through the smoke. He sat thinking and hoping that Brenda May was, by this time, safe and out of harms way from any of the violence that seemed to be coming down the pike. Violence, that Zen knew wasn’t over by a long shot. As he sat smoking and watching the smoke drift through the shafts of light, he replayed that turn she made as well as the sweet smile of hers at the station. Not to mention the peck on the neck. They were making him wonder if, well, just wonder. Life had it’s funny little ways of throwing stuff at you when you least expected it. Throwing stuff at you like a very attractive dark haired lady who made your heart skip a beat.

John Zen had spent the evening in the Pacific Dining Car enjoying a large steak and a bottle of red wine. It was one of his vices. He loved the dining car and it reminded him of the simple diner out in the vineyards of Cucamonga. The only difference being the Pacific Dinning Car was more gentrified and sedate. That, and of course, the price of a meal was considerably more in the downtown eatery. He missed having Vivian at his side during the evenings splurge. She was generally his “date” for those pricey dinners but not last night. His date for the evening were his thoughts of Brenda May and that lovely dark haired smile. After dinner the mellow ride to his apartment seemed as if he was driving one of those lighter than air blimps. He felt good. He felt things were coming together and just maybe other things as well. Sleep came easy for Zen that night. An almost dreamless night of little tossing and turning. A deep sleep of the kind he had not had in many years.

The alarm woke John 7am. He took a hot shower and fixed a pot of coffee. Reading the paper he noticed that an unidentified body of a young man had been found out in Ontario. Chief of Detectives, Don Ray, figured it was some sort of mob hit. The yet to be identified young man had been carrying a large amount of cash in a grease stained paper bag. The bag had been found stuffed under the spare tire of the car the young man had been driving. Whoever had killed the man had not found the cash, for whatever reasons. It seemed to Zen that the mob was in some sort of turmoil and the Inland Empire was taking the brunt of the action so far. He hoped his talk later that morning with Ben Morris would shed some much needed light on the whole affair. Bacon and eggs rounded out his morning at home.

At 9am he drove over to Main and Flower St, near the bar of his friend, Ben Morris. “Hannigan’s” was a neighborhood bar of sorts though at times it catered to a more underworld clientele. At that hour of the morning there weren’t many street parking spots left so Zen had to park in a garage and walk half a block to Ben’s bar. He knocked quietly on the door. It was opened by the owner himself. They shook hands then sat at the bar. Ben opened a bottle of scotch and poured each of them a shot. He left the bottle between them.

“I know it’s early but with what I have to tell you I think we’ll both need this.”

The two men hoisted their glass, clinked them together while saying, salute, in the Italian manner.

Zen sat sipping his drink. He hadn’t said more than a greeting to Ben and he was just waiting for his friend to deliver his news in his own time and way. After a bit, Ben spoke.

“John, you’ve really stumbled on to something here. The Italians and Jews are working on something very big out in Las Vegas. The Jew’s guy out here for this one is, Bugsy Seigel. Of course, Dragna, is the the Italian’s guy. Seigel, has carved up some turf of his own in the county area here in L.A. his keeper of that turf is, Mickey Cohen.” Ben paused to sip his scotch. “Jack Dragna isn’t taking kindly to any of this. Eh, you can’t blame him, I guess. He feels slighted. Bugsy is also building a big hotel and casino out in Vegas. You probably heard about it. There’s been some trouble with money and just about everything else that can go wrong with any big construction project.” Ben poured each of them another shot then continued. “It seems that your man, Amos Fly, was the prime contractor for Bugsy’s hotel. He was the main man subbing out all the work that needed to be done. The dumb shit got himself involved with some local Vegas politician’s wife. The local pol was not amused. So Amos took him for a ride out to ZZYX Road, capped him, then planted him there. The fucking mob went ballistic. Bugsy even more so. The little ginch, Amos, thought he was okay. But, as we know, he wasn’t. Bugsy was also thinking that Amos had something to do with all his hotel troubles there in Vegas. With all that Vegas trouble, word is, it was Bugsy who sliced Amos up. The mob sanctioned it. It was to be a very loud warning for anybody else who thought they could do as they please in Vegas. Of course, there’s been some ancillary hits as well. You probably saw the one in the paper this morning. Just some kid out in Ontario who did some bag work for one of Dragna’s crews out that way. Tommy…something or another. Anyways, things aren’t good here in L.A. with the outfit back east stepping into Jack’s turf. There’s been some other hits too. Stuff no one has stumbled on yet.”

This was more than enough information to keep John Zen busy for a very long time. Blockbuster information he couldn’t really tell anyone else. Not even the cops. Ben was his friend and only a few people knew what was really going on. If things got out in any way, more heads would roll. At some point, Ben’s if things did get out. Zen finished his drink. Thanked his friend and walked out into the cool morning sunlight.

After his meeting with Ben, John, drove back to his office for a talk with Vivian. His was mind a sea of thoughts that kept tossing him one way and then another. The air was clean and clear in the cool windless December morning. Maybe some rain was coming today or tomorrow to wash away the grit left by the winds. Zen was lucky enough to find a parking spot in front of his building. The second floor office window was open. Vivian was at work. The open window to allow the cool clean morning air inside. As he climbed the stairs he wished he’d had a nickel for each time he had walked to the second floor. By now, he would at least have enough money for a new car or a race horse at Santa Anita. He smiled at the thought. Reaching the second floor landing he saw that the door was open. All was well, or at least it was in this little part of the world.

“Hey, sweetie.”

He said, as he came through the door. Vivian, jumped to her feet, bounced around the desk, and almost knocked him over as she hugged him.

“Oh, my God, Zen. It’s so good to see you.”

They stood in the center of office hugging for a moment or two. Zen made the first move to unwind.

“You look good, sis. How’s business?”

“Ha. We have no business, John. Just this mess with Brenda May that I’ve gotten you into and it doesn’t even pay.”

“Yes, well, then things are pretty much normal around here.” John was smiling as he spoke the words.

They sat at Zen’s desk and he brought Vivian up to speed on all of the developments. Including Ben’s chat, as she was completely trust worthy.

“Vivian, I think I need to find Brenda May. Do you have any idea at all who she may have been calling when I left her at the station?”

“Not really John but you should never have left her alone.”

“Yes, I know that now but she’s an adult and it seemed like she would be okay at the time. Hell, she might even be okay right now for all we know.’”

As they sat there mired in their own thoughts the phone rang.

“John Zen, PI”, answered Vivian.

“Brenda, we were just talking about you. Are you safe? Where are you?” John took the phone from Vivian’s hand.

“Brenda, this is John. I think you’re in danger of becoming a head line in tomorrow mornings papers. Where are you? Who are you with?”

“Oh, John, thanks for your concern and your help yesterday too. You’re very kind and sweet. I’m safe and well. I’m staying at a doctor’s place over in the eastern part of the city. I’m fine. The doctor has helped me out before. We go way back. It’s okay.”

John sighed, then spoke again. “Brenda, I’d feel a whole lot better about this if you were staying with Vivian. I’ve learned some things and unless I’m mistaken someone is or will be looking for you very soon. You are in more danger than you know. It’s all because of Amos Fly. You knew him and got to close to him.”

“But John I told you I don’t know anything.”

“Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t. The fact is, just by having been around that Fly character puts you in danger. Serious mob danger.”

“I…I…don’t…I…” stammered Brenda.

Very calmly John said, “Where are you Brenda. Please, tell me. I’ll come right over and get you. You’ll be safer with us. Trust me.”

“I’m staying with, Dr. Leslie Cee, his home is on Norton Ave. 124 is the address.”

“Okay. Fine. I know the area. I’m coming right over. Get your things together.”

Zen hung up the phone and turned to Vivian.

“Sweetie, lock up and go home. I’m picking Brenda up and i’ll bring her to your place as soon as I can.”

“Sure John I understand.”

Zen ran from the office, down the stairs and out to his coupe. Barely observing traffic laws Zen made fairly good time driving to the Norton Ave address. The Norton Ave area was in transition and still reeling from the effects of the Second World War and the Korean War. Parts of the residential area were just streets, curbs, and gutters with a large number of weeds where the houses should have been. For some reason the area had not caught up with the rest of the southern California post war boom times. It was a desolate place in the blooming City of Lost Angels.

Zen found the address of the Dr. Cee home and slammed the car into the curb in what almost passed for a parking maneuver. He rushed to the front door and rapped his knuckles on it. There was no answer. He slammed the palms of both hands on the door. Still no response. He tried the door knob. The door was locked. Looking at the door jam he decided to break in. Rushing back to the coupe he pulled a large screwdriver from the trunk. Using the screwdriver he was able to pop the front door open. Gun out he moved slowly into the house. Obviously the home was empty. The sound of pounding and the door being jimmied should have roused anyone inside. Unless they were hiding. Zen very carefully checked out the house. He didn’t find anyone but he had one more room to check.

The door was closed. He paused, then just kicked the flimsy door open. Inside on the bed was a partially packed suitcase. It was the same suitcase Brenda May had packed and taken with her on the trip from Ontario. Zen called out her name. He called again. Realizing she was gone, along the doctor, he looked more closely at the house. There were a few pieces of a womens clothing on the bedroom floor. As for the rest of the home there was no sign of a struggle or violence. Nothing. Using his handkerchief he picked up the phone and called Vivian. She was already at her apartment and answered on the first ring. Zen told her where he was and that Brenda May was gone, as well as her doctor friend. He told Vivian he would sit and wait to see if anyone showed up. John read the number on the phone to his secretary.

Zen sat on the sofa and lit a smoke. He was confused. It was apparent that Brenda May had started to pack. She had been stopped or been interrupted, then disappeared. Was Dr. Leslie Cee involved somehow in the whole affair? Did he have some mob connections? As John sat smoking he realized he hadn’t looked into the home’s detached garage. Getting up he went through the kitchen and out into the backyard. The garage stood 20 feet from the house. The big car door was closed and there was a large padlock on the hinge. The locked side door was another matter. Once again the large screwdriver made simple work of opening the locked door. The garage was empty but looked as if it was being used as a workshop or something. The daylight streaming through the open door was not enough light for Zen to really see what was going on. He found the light switch by the door and flicked on the lights.

The garage was being used as some sort of operating theatre. Numerous medical instruments lined the walls. There was a surgical light that hung from the ceiling with a medical exam table underneath it. Stirrups hung from one end of the table. Dr. Leslie Cee, appeared to be a doctor who did abortions at home. It became clear why, Brenda May, had said she and the doctor were friends and that he had helped her out before. Brenda May had on at least one occasion used the services of Dr. Cee and his home office. Carefully checking the office he found nothing of any use. No records of any sort or any other clue that might help him find the missing Brenda May. A while later standing outside the garage and smoking in the cool sunlight Zen heard the telephone ringing inside the house.

jmh

John Zen, PI Chapter 5

Zen went inside the home and picked up the ringing phone. John heard his friend Chief of Detectives, Don Ray, ask if it was Zen on the line.

“What?…yes…Don?…how did?…”

“I’ve been calling the office and your home with no luck. I called the phone company to get Vivian’s home number. She gave me this number. What gives?”

“Brenda May. She called the office and I convinced her to come and stay with Vivian where she would be safer. I came over here to pick her up. When I got here the place was empty and all I found was her half packed suitcase. She’s gone.”

“Well, that fits. One of my detectives just spotted someone who looked like Brenda going through Ontario in a car with two men. One of them looked like the the Jewish mobster rumored to to be working on the racing wire out here.”

“Bugsy Seigel”, muttered Zen.

“Who? What? Anyway, my man tailed them for a bit but lost the car up by Chaffey High School. The kids were let out early today and he got stuck at Fourth St. with all of them crossing Euclid en mass.”

“Okay. Okay. Sounds like I had better get back out to Ontario. What was the make of the car? Did the detective get a plate number?’

“No plate number just the new car paper stuff. The car is a dark blue Ford sedan with wide whitewalls. That’s all we have right now. I’ll put everyone out looking for them.”

“Good. I’ll see you or call you as soon as I get back to Ontario.”

Zen called Vivian and gave her the news. He told her he was heading back out to Ontario. John also told her to stay by the phone in case Brenda May should call. Zen said he had a funny feeling about this development. As he hung up the phone his heart skipped another beat.

Life and the dark dismal way things are dealt to you is just like a game, he thought. When you least expect something that’s when it happens. John Zen knew his heart was telling him what it already knew. As odd as it may seem he was falling in love with Brenda May. He just hoped she would be around to hear him tell her that one day.

As Zen drove east to Ontario the skies darkened with the onset of an early December evening and an approaching winter storm. Dark black clouds blown in from the Pacific, by a strong west wind, slammed up against the San Gabriel mountains. The dark moisture rich clouds were being pushed down low into the foothills. John knew by looking at the San Gabriels and the low clouds this was going to be a cold winter storm with lots of snow, even at the lower elevations. With the advent of the coming rain he pushed the accelerator of the coupe closer to floor as he drove into and then out of the clouds that lingered at the top of Kellogg hill. As he dropped into the Pomona valley a light rain began to fall.

By then time he reached Ontario a steady cold rain was falling in the early darkness. He made his way south to the Ontario Police Department in order to have a talk with his friend Don Ray. The two men met in the chief’s office over hot coffee and sandwiches. Don told Zen that the car with Brenda May had disappeared. It hadn’t been spotted again in Ontario since early that afternoon. The chief also said that he had asked the Upland police to be on the look out for the sedan as well and the San Bernardino County Sheriff, who handled the Cucamonga area. As yet, no one had reported seeing the car.

After the simple meal and chat Zen decided to venture out in the rain on his own to search for Brenda May. He made a bee line for the old stone winery out in Cucamonga. Padre Winery, where Brenda May had first met Amos Fly. John knew it was a long shot but it was all he had and he couldn’t just sit there and wait for things to happen.

The rain made for an interesting drive out to the vineyards of Cucamonga. Most of the north and south streets in the area became the flood control system during rain storms. Pushing his way across those flooded north/south streets he finally made his way to Archibald Ave where he turned north. Driving a bit too fast for the weather he had a rooster tail trailing his coupe. The wiper blades were having a hard time keeping up with the rain as he turned right on 8th St and drove slowly out to the old Padre Winery. Zen knew in his heart that the whole trip was futile and in the end that proved to be correct. He slowly drove past the closed and locked front gate. There was no light coming from inside the stone building. Sighing, he lit a smoke, turned around, and stopped a bit further down the road to the west. He sat there smoking and waiting for something or anything to happen inside the dark winery.

After an hour or so of chain smoking he realized his wait was fruitless and he made the sodden drive back to his temporary home in south Ontario. When he pulled into the old Hobbs place he noticed Sam wasn’t at home. A busy night for the restaurant, Zen thought. While he unwound himself from the front seat of his coupe a flash of lightning lit the dark evening sky revealing the the stark dormant fig tree at the center of the courtyard. Zen quickly made it to the guest house and unlocked the door before the next pounding rain hit. After calling Vivian he took a hot shower and fell into bed. The lightning was still flashing as Zen finally drifted off to a restless dreamless sleep.

The rain was stopping as the phone next to Zen’s bed began ringing. He rolled over and glanced at the clock. It was another early wake up call, 5:30am. On the fourth ring, he answered.

“Okay. Yeah. Zen, here.”

“John, it’s Don. We have another body out at cement mountain. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it’s Brenda May. You’d better make it out here pronto.”

“Yes, of course. I’m on my way.”

At first John couldn’t believe what he had just heard. It couldn’t possibly be Brenda May. But he knew his friend wouldn’t make such a mistake. Zen’s heart sank to the floor then bounced back up into his throat and stayed there. He quickly dressed then sped off to the nightmare that waited. The the drive to cement mountain was like deja vu, all over again. Everything a blur up to the point of entering the cement pit. The coroner’s van was just moments ahead of him. His friend, Don Ray, was standing near a body under a blue plastic tarp.

Zen stopped the car and just sat. Finally he lit a smoke then walked over to what waited for him under that wet blue tarp..

“Morning, John.”

“I guess. Let me see her, Don.”

“John, it’s like the other. Maybe worse. It isn’t a pretty sight. Not much blood because of the rain.”

“Fine. Let’s get it over with.”

His friend lifted the plastic tarp and the dissected body of Brenda May was there on the ground before him. Her face cut up and disfigured into a leering smiling cartoon face. John turned away and saw only red. A true living nightmare if there ever was one.

The Ontario cop spoke, “The nightwatchman was surprised by someone at around midnight. He got cold cocked pretty good. When he finally came around it was about 4am. He saw the body and called us. We don’t have anything other than what you just saw.”

While he was talking a uniformed cop walked up to them. “Chief, the Cucamonga Sheriff is saying one of their patrol cars spotted the dark blue sedan sometime around 2am on Route 66 heading west with one lone passenger, a white male. No stop was made because the patrol car received a radio call concerning a very nasty traffic accident at about the same time. They’ve been busy with that accident and just relayed the info to us.”

“Did they get a look at him?”

“Yes, sir. A good looking guy, maybe in his late 40′s. Well dressed.”

Upon hearing that John Zen turned and ran through the sloppy ground back to his coupe. Don Ray caught up with him and grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Hold on John. Where are you going?”

Zen shook off his friend’s hand and said, “I’m going to get that fucker.”

“John, wait a minute. What are you talking about? You just can’t go off half cocked like this.”

John Zen already had the car in gear and moving while the chief was still talking.

Great blasts of red clouded his vision. Inside his chest his heart was beating like a sledge hammer. It was hard for him to see the road. Let alone drive. As he was passing a gas station, he some how noticed a phone booth. He quickly turned in and made a call to Ben Morris. John told Ben what was happening and what he needed from him. The only thing Ben said was, Okay, and that he would meet John at the bar in an hour. After his conversation with Ben, John was much calmer. Resolve had set in. Cold clear resolve along with a big dose of revenge simmered in his broken heart.

An hour later he was parked in front of Hannigan’s. The lights were on so he knew Ben was waiting. Lighting a smoke he walked to the door and knocked. Ben opened the door and pulled John inside. Then he spoke in a rush.

“Yeah, Zen. It was Bugsy, again. He’s gone off the deep end with all his Vegas troubles and Italian mob problems. So, as a result he’s gone even more crazy than his nickname. He’s out of control. Dragna wants him dead. So does Chicago. Some of Dragna’s boys will be here soon looking for the same thing you are. I can’t say no to Dragna. If you are going to do this, do it now.”

With that Ben reached behind the bar and pulled out an M-1 rifle with an 8 round magazine plus one more .30 caliber round. Ben made sure the weapon was clear then he handed the rifle and ammo to John and said.

“Dragna’s guys know where to go. You have to hurry.” As he spoke he handed Zen a folded piece of paper. 810 LINDEN WY, BEVERLY HILLS, was printed on it. Zen read the note and smiled as he shook Ben’s hand. Putting the rifle under his coat and the ammo in his front pocket he left the bar and made the drive into Beverly Hills.

Linden was a residential neighborhood in the low hills above Sunset Blvd. 810 was fairly easy to find. He parked a few houses away and loaded the rifle. The 8 round mag and the one extra round in the pipe. 9 shots in all. More than enough to do what needed to be done. Zen knew the mob was right behind him but he didn’t know how far back they were. He had to hurry but not rush things or things would turn to shit in a big way.

John Zen walked quickly down the deserted sidewalk and slipped between two houses, 810 and 814. He found a spot in the bushes where he could see the living room of 810. Time was short. John needed a break and as if answering his silent plea, Bugsy Seigel, wearing a gaudy smoking jacket over his clothes, walked into the room with a newspaper and sat on the couch. As he raised the paper to read it 9 quick shots rang out. One round found Bugsy Seigel’s left eye and removed a portion of his skull. 5 other rounds found their mark as well. Bugsy Seigel was dead.

Moving more quickly and furtively than before John made his way back to the coupe unseen by any of the residents of Linden Wy. He stashed the rifle under the front seat and started the car. Zen was halfway down the block when he passed a sedan coming slowly the other way. There were 3 men inside, obviously Italian, and obviously looking at the addresses on the houses. Dragna’s men. He smiled and thought, just a few minutes too late, boys. As John Zen turned onto the street of dreams, Sunset Blvd, police sirens from several directions cut through the cool clean December morning air.

The End

jmh

copyright 2011 by John Hauge

I know i’ve played fast and loose with some historical aspects of this story. Also some of the geographical stuff as well. I guess that’s why they call it fiction. I hope you enjoyed the story anyway.

2011 college football picks week 1

it’s finally here. the long wait is over. opening weekend of the college football season. but let’s face it, kids, college football is damaged. maybe even irreparably so. only time will tell. i’m having a hard time getting into the game this year. usually at this juncture i’m chomping at the bit and telling the wife not to plan something weeks in advance for some certain date because so and so are playing that day or night because i’ll be glued to the tv for hours. this year? yawn. nope. i don’t really care. the greed heads and criminals have taken care of that. yes, i know it isn’t every program and every kid isn’t a felony in progress. it just appears so. and there lies the rub. perhaps at some point this year i’ll get into the season. or maybe not. even with all that extraneous stuff going down i’ll be doing my picks just like i’ve done for a number of years now. my record for last season i was a bit over 50% for my picks. not good not bad. this year with the ennui and angst involved with the game i love, who knows? not even a breakfast of grits, parmesan cheese, and a fried egg on top was much help this morning in soothing any of the angst or ennui over the game i love.

then there’s the other shoe that seems to be dropping more often every year. the sisters of the poor schools squaring off with the big boys the first week of the season or even the second and third weeks. it’s almost as if the big boys are using the first few games like preseason games. there are a few notable exceptions but for the most part the majority of the major colleges seem to be playing the ITT School of Law Clerks & Pharmacy Techs International Fighting Road Kill the first few weeks of the season. yes, sir, exciting football to be sure. yawn. of course some, well a few or less, may actually win or cover the spread. just ask michigan about that. though that still doesn’t make it right or any more unexciting.

at any rate, just remember this is for fun only and using anything you glean here to take to your local bookie or las vegas in order to place a bet would be stupid at best. leave your wallet where it belongs, in your pocket. or in some cases with your wife or gf if they aren’t sports addicts like yourselves. the odds may change over the next few days. however, here it doesn’t matter if they do. what i have here is what i go by. so, without further ado…let the games begin.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/1 unlv @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 35 points. yeah, a lot of points but if the wisconsin badgers want to end up in the rose bowl again or the big dance game they need to run the table. unlv isn’t a sisters of the poor team. i was going to pick wisconsin but i’ve changed my mind, go with unlv to cover the spread. it’s too many points. take unlv and the points. after posting this i realized this was unlv NOT nevada. screw it. take unlv.

9/1 montana st @ utah. utah favored by 28 points. montana st is a sisters of the poor team. why schools play these turkeys is beyond me. payoffs? assorted other graft and high crimes? who knows? utah ventures into the new pac 12 this season. good luck with that but they’ll win and cover the spread here.

9/2 tcu @ baylor. tcu favored by 6 points. tcu. meh. i for one am tired of it. take baylor to cover the spread or even win.

9/3 minnesota @ usc. usc favored by 21 points. the trojans might have a hard time covering the points here. might being the operative word. the reggie scandals and assorted sanctions really don’t kick in until next year. for us trojan faithful once they do kick in it’s going to be a long ass dry spell. enjoy it while you can. usc wins and covers the spread. fight on!!

9/3 byu @ mississippi st. byu favored by 3 points. one of the better games of the kick off weekend. miss st covers or wins. take them.

9/3 oregon @ lsu. oregon favored by 2 points. my beloved ducks make a foray into sec country. both programs are having off the field issues. oregon’s coach kelly seems to turn a blind eye to some of the stuff going on around him up there. or maybe it’s that lame visor he sports that’s shielding his vision. at any rate, hopefully, this game doesn’t turn into a full blown gang fight. i wouldn’t be surprised if it did. take the ducks to win and cover. too many lsu guys in jail or suspended or at the cop shop in line ups that day. quack.

9/3 boise st @ georgia. boise st favored by 3. boise st a preseason top 5 spot. they need to run the table in order to get into the big dance game. they’re also lucky the game isn’t against georgia tech. this is boise st’s last year, for what might be awhile, at having a chance to do the big game bust out deal. good luck with that. they might pull this one off but i’m taking georgia to win and or cover.

9/3 tulsa @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 24 points. tulsa isn’t that bad and really not even a borderline sister of the poor team. oklahoma may be on a juggernaut season run here. take the sooners to win and cover.

9/3 smu @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 16 points. if texas can stop thinking about bolting to some other league in search of some sort of respect they might have a shot. regular readers know i’m a big fan of coach june jones. he’s the key here. smu covers the spread and may even win.

9/5 miami @ maryland. miami is favored by 5.5 points. miami is also in a world of hurt. a bunch of suspensions already. the 80′s thug swagger of the hurricanes is back along with a major fat old guy pimp. a program gone wild once again for sure. they should get slapped down with major sanctions for their sins. pat hayden will do the happy dance when that day comes. we’ll see. this game? take maryland to cover or win.

there you have it, kids my week 1 picks. enjoy the games and enjoy the labor day holiday weekend. toss some red meat on the bbq and enjoy a few cold ones. be safe. be sane. see you next week.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 2

no one ever said this was easy. if it was las vegas would still be just sand and heat out in the middle of nowhere with the only visitors being passing scorpions. i had a rather dismal start to the season last week. a below average tepid mess. after starting out 2 for 3 i ended up going 4 for 10. ouch. it’s not the first time and hopefully not any more times this year as it totally screws up the end of season average. however, i plod on.

just remember this is for fun only and using any info or misinformation i toss about here and taking it to your local bookie or mob satellite wagering center would be fool hardy at best. leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. as usual i go by the point spreads i have here. if they change before the weekend rolls around, it matters not.

i’m often asked why i pick the games that i do end up picking. simple, they are the games that i have some sort of interest in watching or wishful thinking in the outcome. i have no interest in watching a div 2 school or fcs team play anyone in the fbs system. it’s that simple. plus i’m a pac 8, 10 or 12 homer. deal with it.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/8 arizona @ oklahoma st. oklahoma st favored by 14 points. the cowboys aren’t the team they were last year but they shouldn’t have any trouble hammering the wildcats. take oklahoma to win and cover the spread.

9/9 missouri @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 7.5 points. the sun devils have a shot at the pac whatever title this year. though they have to get by stanford and maybe the ducks to pull it off. missouri generally fields a decent team. though the heat and home field should help arizona st cover. take arizona st to win and cover.

9/10 oregon st @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 21 points. wisconsin missed covering by 1 point last week and it proved to be one of my few wins. this weeks slightly lower point spread is probably due to that and the fact it’s a pac whatever school. though a team sadly minus jaquizz rodgers this year. i’m going out on a limb here. the beavers didn’t play all that well last week against sacramento st. sacramento st?? wisconsin looked very good. take wisconsin to win and cover.

9/10 mississippi st @ auburn. miss st favored by 7 points. mississippi st almost pulled it out for me last week. hopefully, they will this week. take miss st to win and cover.

9/10 hawaii @ washington. washington favored by 5 points. a good game with it possibly going either way. however, take the huskies to win and cover.

9/10 alabama @ penn st. alabama favored by 10 points. bamas first real test on the way to another national championship season? perhaps. at any rate, take alabama to win and cover. roll tide!!

9/10 nevada @ oregon. oregon favored by 26.5 points. my beloved ducks were embarrassing last week on the road where they tend to play like crap. their home field, autzen stadium, is totally another matter. nevada isn’t unlv. and 27 points is just too many points for a team starting off on a bad note. the ducks will probably win. but take nevada to cover the points. quack quack!!

9/10 byu @ texas. texas favored by 7 poins. that spread is more than likely right on. take texas to win and cover.

9/10 utah @ usc. usc favored by 9.5 points. utah’s first pac whatever game. they did well last week. the trojans? well, they only bothered to show up for the first half. they took the second half off. by the fourth quarter most of the team was spotted down at the beach playing in the surf and chasing women. hopefully, coach lane fixes the problem by game time this week. if he can’t the sanctions dry spell begins much earlier than anticipated. as a long time trojan faithful i hope he does or can fix things. take usc to at least cover the spread. fight on!!

9/10 notre dame @ michigan. notre dame favored by 3.5 points. the golden domers invade big blue. touchdown jesus didn’t do well last week in the rain and lightening. or so it seemed. is michigan really that bad? i know a few folks out there that hope they are. take notre dame to win and cover.

there they are. enjoy the games and your weekend. keep it safe and semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 3

there are several good reasons why i always tell you to leave your wallet in your pocket. last weekend’s results are one of the primary reasons. a dreadfully annoying 2 for 10 fiasco leaving me at 6 for 20 over all so far this year. not good. but then you already knew that. however, am i going to let that stop me from plodding on? of course not.

sadly, i had a hard time finding 10 games to pick this week due to a good number of the schools are still playing the sisters of the poor fighting road kill. okay, so what’s worse, 3 weeks of crappy games against teams no one has ever heard of or 16 team super conferences? that my friends, in a nut shell, is the rub. it’s a toss up in my opinion. the sad state of college football affairs. but i digress and get ahead of myself as i veer into my usual end of season bowl rant.

once again. leave your wallet alone and nobody gets hurt. this is for fun only and using what you read here for gambling purposes would be insane. though i’m sure there are wags out there who’ll tell you just do the opposite of what i pick. yeah, sure. funny stuff but there will be a couple of weekends this year when you’ll be very very sorry if you do that. just when that will be is anyones guess though. maybe even this week. at any rate, the point spreads here are what i use to determine my wins and losses for the week. they may change before game time. i could care less as i have a semi sort of life and i have desire to update stuff 24-7.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/15 lsu @ mississippi st. lsu favored by 3.5 points. lsu keeps surprising and miss st was a disappointment last week. i suppose miss st is lucky this is a home game. which is exactly why i’m taking mississippi st to cover the spread or even win.

9/17 michigan st @ notre dame. notre dame favored by 5 points. the golden domers looked very good last week up until the last couple of minutes then the wheels fell off. state has been on the sisters of the poor curcuit the first two weeks of the season. i’m taking michigan st to win or cover the spread. yeah, i know.

9/17 texas @ ucla. texas favored by 3.5 points. i hate these half point spreads. why can’t they just say 4 or whatever? unless things go better than expected for slick rick this will be his last season at the helm of the bruins. psst, mike leach is still available. pirate regalia included. this might be an interesting game. take texas to win or cover.

9/17 navy @ s. carolina. s. carolina favored by 18 points. why spurrier let garcia back on the team. again. is beyond me. be that as it may, take s. carolina to win and cover.

9/17 oklahoma @ florida st. oklahoma favored by 3 points. take the sooners to win and cover.

9/17 ohio st @ miami. no line. no line? interesting. guess everyone is lined up at the tattoo parlor or waiting in line for the vip room at the strip club. sad thing is, i have to pick someone here. home field advantage and 5 more of the miscreants are back on the team. take miami.

9/17 arizona st @ illinois. pick em. no points. almost as interesting as, no line. see above. okay, so the sun devils get to leave their blast furnace for a few days. i’m sure they are all thrilled with that. they might even get a shot at seeing some rain while away from home. an oddity for them for sure. statement year for arizona st. take them to win.

9/17 utah @ byu. byu favored by 5. did utah play well last week against the trojans or did the trojans mail it in again at the end of the game? dispute the spread this one could go either way. state of utah bragging rights on the line here kids. sorry utah st. take byu to win and cover the points.

9/17 oklahoma st @ tulsa. oklahoma st favored by 14 points. take the cowboys to win and cover.

9/17 stanford @ arizona. stanford favored by 10 points. the trees continue on their roll for the pac whatever championship. yes, it will be very hot in tucson and maybe even some monsoonal moisture thrown in for good measure as well. regardless, take stanford to win and cover the spread.

enjoy the games, your weekend, and what’s left of the warm weather. toss some protein on the barbie while sipping a few cool ones and try your best to get into what’s left of college football as we once knew it.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 4

finding the 10 games for my picks this week was even harder than last week. what is up with schools still playing the sisters of the poor fighting road kill four weeks into the season? i don’t get it. who is watching those games? (i was gonna use a helen keller joke here but decided against it for politically correct reasons. yeah, as odd as that might seem.) i guess it must be the fact the fighting road kill has a huge fan base willing to travel anywhere, anytime, to watch their favorite team get further flattened by pretty much everybody they play. and of course, there’s the big money involved. sigh. thankfully, there are still a few schools who haven’t totally succumbed to this odd insanity of scheduling patsies and women’s field hockey teams early in the year. this current trend makes it particularly hard to find ten games worth watching let alone making ten worth while picks against the spread this week. speaking of which, just picking winners is vaguely easy. picking winners using the spread or points is another matter entirely.

this past week’s picks turned out somewhat better than the first two weeks. i went 5 for 10. still a bit mediocre but i’ll take it as it’s much better than 2 for 10. after the first three weeks i’m now 11 for 30 overall. not a pretty sight to be sure, however, it is what it is and i plod onward towards the goal of being at least on the other side of 50% by the time the season ends.

once again, remember these picks are for fun only and no sane person would take the insanity dished out here and use it in any sort of gambling or betting pursuits. doing that would be just plain stupid or even perhaps suicidal. kids, leave your wallets in your pockets where they belong and nobody gets hurt. the point spreads listed here are what i use to determine my win/loss stats for the week. ‘the boys’ may change the points by the time the games roll around but it doesn’t make any difference to me as i have a semi sort of life and i also have no desire to update this blather when ‘they’ decide to change things. and the blooming super conferences blow the whole college game to smithereens.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/24 san diego st @ michigan. michigan favored by 10 points. san diego st made a nice comeback last year after a number of years in the doldrums. a good program with a history of playing some good football. it looks like they’re still on a roll this year. which is fine by me. i haven’t seen them play this well since the days of marshall faulk. it’s also very nice to see them take on a big 10 or 12 or whatever the hell it is team. albeit one that got clobbered by the irish last weekend. and one that will probably be looking to right the ship against the aztecs. a big game and one that will make a huge statement for san diego st. take san diego st to win and or cover the points.

9/24 arkansas @ alabama. alabama favored by 12 points. the first big game of the year for arkansas having played the fighting road kill several times already. bama went to visit joe pa and came home a winner. it’s a bit early in the year but make no mistake, this is a rivalry game and 12 points just might be too many. if the tide rolls it won’t matter. take alabama to win and cover. ROLL TIDE!!

9/24 california @ washington. washington favored by 3 points. a fairly decent pac whatever match up. washington lost last week at nebraska but did manage to put some points on the board. cal fooled around with one of those women’s field hockey teams and won big. yawn. take washington and the home field 3 to win and cover.

9/24 lsu @ w. virginia. lsu favored by 6.5 points. w. virginia has looked good so far. the trouble being maryland has been their toughest opponent of the year. lsu got a scare from miss st last week but lsu’s defense won the game. the same thing will happen again this week. take lsu to win and cover the points.

9/24 ucla @ oregon st. oregon st favored by 3.5 points. yeah, what else was i supposed to pick? possibly a very ugly game. and a game slick rick needs to win. rick is a very personable guy and should probably consider a spot with espn. be that as it may. another bruin loss. take oregon st to win and cover.

9/24 oklahoma st @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 3.5 points. in all likely hood probably a good game. and a close one. take texas and the home field 3 to win and cover.

9/24 missouri @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 22 points. surprisingly missouri did well in losing to arizona st. oklahoma has been very impressive so far. unless missouri steps up this one will be a rout. and they probably won’t. take oklahoma to win and cover the points.

9/24 tulsa @ boise st. boise st favored by 32.5 points. this one started out with no line. as of today only one company has any points out for the game. interesting. the surf turf teams first home game of the year. blue turf or not they are pretty much unbeatable on the blue stuff. i’ve finally succumbed to the koolaid and i will agree that boise st can play some ball against pretty much anybody on a one game basis. what still remains to be seen is if they can play ball every week against higher caliber programs. and win. there lies the rub. though give them credit for getting out of a doormat league and climbing into one a step further up the ladder. kellen moore is an outstanding quarterback. he should walk all over tulsa. take boise st to win.

9/24 usc @ arizona st. arizona st favored by 3 points. one of the best games of the weekend. the trojans finally showed up and played an entire game against a decent syracuse team last week. plus, they are one of the few teams that didn’t go the fighting road kill route this year. good for them. arizona st couldn’t beat illinois last week. the sun devils need this one if they want a shot at the pac whatever title. usc on the other hand is playing for pride and hopefully they’ve come to embrace that pride. as it’s the only thing they’ll have to play for this year. perhaps marcus allen should make more motivational after practice locker room speeches like he did the week before the syracuse game. desert heat and a night game. the heat shouldn’t be a problem for the trojans. if they play all four quarters they should win. take the trojans to win or at least get inside the 3 points. FIGHT ON!!

9/24 oregon @ arizona. oregon favored by 14.5 points. the desert southwest gets plenty of football action this weekend to match the early fall blast furnace heat. oregon travels way south and down the road from phoenix. and if they can handle the heat for a few hours they’ll cover the spread against a mediocre arizona team that has already lost to oklahoma st and stanford. the ducks continue their quest for the pac whatever title. take oregon to win and cover the spread. QUACK QUACK!!

enjoy the games and your weekend. be safe and be semi sane if at all possible. cheers.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 5

the interesting thing about college ball is (pick one or as many as you’d like), it ain’t over until it’s over, suppositions are just that – suppositions, home field may or may not mean anything, the gnashing of teeth, yelling at the TV, wondering just why somebody gave a particular somebody a coaching job, or for that matter a scholarship, are the referees for real?, college super conferences have been held at bay if only for the time being, cooler heads prevail(?). yes indeed, college football, ain’t nothing like it nowhere. my personal favorite would be the super conferences have been put on hold. again. the greed heads decided to go with family and said family being able to make a relatively short drive in the family car to see junior play the U of State on state’s home turf. in lieu of the family boarding a plane to fly several thousand miles each way while suffering any number of TSA gropings and assorted other indignities with only 3 ounces of fine brandy in their carry on luggage. plus, spending a boat load of cash for the privilege to go through all of that if not more. yeah, let’s hear it for the greed heads. Thanks, er…um…for now. i guess.

the weekend was abysmal on a couple of fronts. i suffered through a rather nasty sinus infection while waiting for the antibiotics to kick in. which thankfully they eventually did. then there’s the fact, some schools just can’t quite get a grip on covering the spread or winning when they bloody well should. god, the horror. yes, another sad week’s worth of picks. i went 4 for 10 and now stand at 15 for 40 over all. ouch.

as always, this is for fun only. if this were a business i would be unemployed by now. which i suppose technically i am as i’m retired. it must be pretty obvious so far this year for my regular readers, whom i do thank very much, that taking the drivel bandied about here and extrapolating it into any useful betting information would be utterly stupid if not impossible. though in my own defense, even if i were a perfect 40 for 40 i’d still be telling you this: leave your wallet in your pocket and nobody gets hurt. it’s really that simple. or at least a tad simpler than some 12 step gamblers deal. or even worse, explaining to the kids why you’ve squandered not only their college fund but dinner and breakfast money for many months to come. while also telling them the whole family will be celebrating christmas this year and probably the next by standing on the corner holding a tin cup with all the unemployed and homeless folk. oh, boy. merry christmas, little timmy. capisco? i hope so. ok. now that some sort of perspective has been brought to the festivities. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

9/30 utah st @ byu. byu favored by 7 points. byu is having one of those years. sort of like the one i’m having doing my picks this year. utah st did well against auburn in their first outing of the year. friday night nationwide spotlight with a rivalry aspect going it. byu has to step it up or it makes going independent look stupid. take byu to win and cover.

10/1 alabama @ florida. alabama favored by 4 points. one of the better match ups for saturday even though i’m not feeling the gators at number 12. be that as it may, take bama to win and cover the points. ROLL TIDE!!

10/1 arkansas @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 3 points. both teams coming off good weeks last saturday even in losing. take the razorbacks to win and or get inside the spread.

10/1 nevada @ boise st. boise st favored by 27 points. surf team blue didn’t cover the spread in their win last saturday. though kellen moore shredded the field as usual. nevada had a shot at beating texas tech but couldn’t finish them off. nevada can also put some points on the board. though whats left of last years power house boise st team should want to avenge the loss to the wolf pack at the end of the season. 28 is still a bunch of points against a team that can score. none the less, take boise st to win and cover.

10/1 smu @ tcu. tcu favored by 12 points. the mustangs began the year with a loss against a ranked team. the last three weeks it’s been fighting road kill teams for them. tcu’s record this year sorta mirrors smu’s record. along with all that this is one of those rivalry games. i love june jones but smu is in over their head here. take tcu to win and cover the spread.

10/1 arizona @ usc. usc favored by 13.5 points. the trojans, yet again, took the 4th quarter off last week against the other arizona school. of course by doing so they lost the game. this is getting old but, if the trojans show up and actually play all four quarters against the wildcats, who are a mediocre team at best, they will win and cover. being a home game for them this shouldn’t be a problem if they all catch the bus before the game, don’t leave early and pay some sort of attention if they do stick around for the fourth quarter. a number of “ifs” but take usc to win and cover anyway. FIGHT ON!!

10/1 clemson @ virgina tech. virgina tech favored by 7 points. good game kids and one i hope i’ll be able to watch. clemson is a surprise this year and they’ve done very well against ranked teams at home. tech has gone down the fighting road kill route for the most part so far this year. i’m thinking clemson will do well this saturday on the road. take clemson to at least cover the points and maybe even win.

10/1 texas @ iowa st. texas favored by 9.5 points. iowa st on a roll once again so far and still no respect. however, texas has had two weeks to get ready for this one. take texas to win and cover the spread.

10/1 nebraska @ wisconsin. wisconsin favored by 10 points. the badgers have been solid against the fighting road kill this season. 3 and 0 at home as well. so far to my thinking nebraska has had the tougher schedule. take nebraska to at least cover the spread and maybe even win.

10/1 ucla @ stanford. stanford favored by 21 points. a bunch of points. stanford has had it fairly easy thus far. the bruins beat the beavers on the road last week. slick rick is still alive at least for the time being. stanford isn’t oregon st. stanford also has a quarterback. a very good one. stanford puts a thump on the bruins this saturday on their way to a show down with either the ducks or the sun devils and a share of the rose bowl. take stanford to win and cover the points.

summertime heat lingers here. fall has fell further east. it’s the season of the witch. one month down and only two more to go. enjoy the games while you can. be safe. be sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 6

to be perfectly honest with you, due to life rearing it’s head i wasn’t able to watch any of the games this past weekend. sometimes semi unexpected stuff happens in our realm as well as out on the field. at any rate, i went 5 for 10 with my picks. incrementally better but still nothing to get really excited about. over all i’m now 20 for 50. i guess you could say i’m inching towards respectability. or something. once again a few teams didn’t cover the spread but still won. most notably were boise st and usc. over the past five years you would have made some considerable coin by picking boise st to cover the spread each week. recently they have failed to cover two weeks in a row. hopefully, this isn’t the new trend for them. if so things could get even more interesting. usc has also failed to cover while winning pretty much every week this year. a lame excuse to be sure but it’s all i’ve got at the moment.

as always, these picks are for fun only. nothing more. using my insanity to make yourself some extra folding stuff would be asinine at best. leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. the point spreads used here are what i go by to determine my win/loss record for the week. they may be different come game day but it matters not.

thankfully, everyone seems to have ended their exhibition season of playing the fighting road kill schools. given that i still had a bit of a problem picking my ten games for this week. we’re now into conference play and sadly most conferences have more than their share of fighting road kill type schools. mind you, that is not an endorsment for super conferences by any stretch of the imagination. it is just what it is. nothing more. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/6 california @ oregon. oregon favored by 24 points. after week 1 my beloved ducks have rolled up some points. visor head kelly has had two weeks to get ready for this home game against the mediocre bears. autzen stadium home game insanity. thursday night national TV. the kids get an early start on weekend binge drinking and by sunday afternoon the’ll begin to mirror ray milland in ‘the lost weekend’. take the ducks to win and cover the spread. QUACK QUACK!!!

10/7 boise st @ fresno st. boise st favored by 21 points. saying this is not fresno st’s year would be putting it mildly. even though this is a road game for boise and they’ve missed covering two weeks in a row, take boise st to win and cover the points.

10/8 oklahoma @ texas. oklahoma favored by 9.5 points. big time big 12 rivalry game. it’s the sooners year to shine. take oklahoma to win and cover.

10/8 georgia tech @ maryland. georgia tech favored by 14 points. georgia tech has put some points on the board this year against some of the fighting road kill schools. someone was impressed enough to work all that into a top 25 ranking for tech. maryland on the other hand lost to several of the fighting road kill schools. though they did beat miami. none the less, take georgia tech to win and cover the spread.

10/8 illinois @ indiana. illinois favored by 14.5 points. both teams spent the first weeks of the year sharpening their skills against the fighting road kill. illinois has some how parlayed all that into a top 25 ranking. yes, they did beat arizona st somehow. is it me or has the world turned upside down? i should scratch this game and pick another. but i’m lazy. take illinois to win and cover. hopefully.

10/8 iowa @ penn st. penn st favored by 4 points. another example of a not so stellar conference match up. this one could go either way as witnessed by the points. take the home team, penn st, to win and or cover the spread.

10/8 arizona st @ utah. arizona st favored by 4 points. small spread to be sure. probably because it’s another one that might go either way or sideways in a hurry for one of the schools. take arizona st to win and cover the spread and find some sort of redemption on the shores of the great salt lake.

10/8 florida @ lsu. no line. the game of the week and it’s even up. though as of this writing, i did find one betting spot that did have lsu favored by 5.5 points. however, i’m going with the consensus and no line. take lsu to win.

10/8 air force @ notre dame. notre dame favored by 16.5 points. tell you what kids. i’m going to make this one an upset special. take air force to win or at least get inside the points in the land of the golden domers.

10/8 auburn @ arkansas. arkansas favored by 10 points. possibly one of the better weekend match ups. a semi rivalry game aspect going for it. though i just don’t see auburn taking it to arkansas on their home field. not this year. take arkansas to win and cover the spread.

enjoy the weekend and the games. be safe and semi sane. red meat on the barbie and red wine in a glass is always a safe bet.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 7

with some mojo finally kicking in i went 8 for 10 this past week. what could be better? giving me an almost respectable 28 for 60 over all. pretty sweet. had georgia tech bothered to cover the spread things would have been even rosier. yes, of course, there was also my misguided ‘upset special’ with air force against notre dame. one of those glitches where there really isn’t any explanation other than, what the hell was i thinking. i was probably thinking it was a year or two ago when air force actually fielded a pretty good team. at any rate, that was last week. time for this week.

i almost had as much trouble finding 10 games for this week’s picks as i did last week. the sad fact is most of the games hold no interest for me. it seems as if a vast number of the games have all become a blur of fighting road kill and the flying tinkerbells up against goliath. a bunch of yawners to be sure. no one really cares except for the alumni, the team, and an over the edge drunken student body. even with the coming apocalypse of the super conferences i really don’t see much change down the road for the current scenario. other than the muddying of old rivalry waters and fatter paychecks for all the deans, commissioners, and athletic directors. goliath will still schedule the fighting road kills and flying tinkerbells of the college football world in some sort of vain attempt at, ‘look at us, we’re an equal opportunity speeding bullet with your name on it flying tinkerbells!’ yeah, those games will always be fun to watch. NOT! Okay, yes, there is a wake forest out there waiting to happen. one or two a season. it isn’t enough and it justifies nothing. those games will continue to look like the harlem globetrotters vs the washington generals. the only difference being the flying tinkerbells are for real.

you’re probably tired of hearing this but i persist. information dealt out here is for fun only. get it? my insanity should be taken with the proverbial grain of salt. or more to the point a full saltshaker of salt. it should never be taken across state lines or to some seedy part of your town to be used as fodder for the sport betting types. leave your money in your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. it’s as simple as that. don’t be stupid. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/13 usc @ california. usc favored by 3 points. well, finally a point spread that maybe the trojans can cover. a road game up into bear country. a road game where maybe just maybe the usc defense will bloody well show up for the first time this season. if the defense doesn’t show up the men of troy don’t have a prayer in covering the meager spread. in fact they may even take a loss. thankfully, they’ve had almost two weeks to get ready for this one. i hope coach lane has used this time well. and coach, you and dad had better make damn sure the defense makes the bus to the airport and gets on the plane. then on game day catches the bus to the stadium. ok. thursday night national tv. here we go again. take usc to win and cover the spread. such as it is. FIGHT ON!! i found the following web link while reading the ‘daily trojan’ last week. firelanekiffen.com if you’re easily offended this site isn’t for you. you’ve been warned.

10/15 michigan @ michigan st. michigan st favored by 3 points. bragging rights for the state surrounded by fresh water on three sides. should be a good game and a fun one to watch and one that can and probably will go sideways for one of the teams. hopefully, not the spartans. take michigan st to win and cover the home field 3.

10/15 baylor @ texas a&m. texas a&m favored by 9 points. an interesting game. both schools with quality wins and then losses that maybe shouldn’t have happened. just based on the fact baylor beat tcu and iowa st, baylor looks pretty good here to beat the spread. yes, well, i don’t think so. take a&m to win and cover the spread.

10/15 oklahoma st @ texas. oklahoma st favored by 7.5 points. the cowboys can put some points on the board. texas drubbed by the other oklahoma last week at home. another home game and another oklahoma team takes the longhorns down. it’s an oklahoma year for texas, kids. take the cowboys to win and cover.

10/15 alabama @ mississippi. alabama favored by 25 points. a bunch of points but the tide keeps on rolling towards the big dance with oklahoma. take alabama to win and cover the spread. ROLL TIDE!!

10/15 boise st @ colorado st. boise st favored by 32 points. boise got back on track last week and covered the points after a two week lull. colorado st has scored some points and has looked fairly decent against fairly decent opponents so far. boise st is just too much for them. or that’s the hope. take boise st to win and cover the points.

10/15 florida @ auburn. auburn favored by 2 points. a virtual toss up. florida’s defense has stayed on the bus the last two games. though they did well early playing the flying tinkerbells. auburn has been up and down and doesn’t even get the home field three here. florida’s problems continue. take auburn to win.

10/15 stanford @ washington st. stanford favored by 20.5 points. andrew luck takes the show on the road this week. worth a look just to watch him operate. the cougars aren’t as bad as expected. though they aren’t that good either. a bunch of points but luck should be a lady come saturday night. yes, it’s a horrible pun but a great old blue eyes song. take the trees to win and cover the spread.

10/15 oklahoma @ kansas. oklahoma favored by 35 points. the jayhawks only wins this season were against the fighting road kill and flying tinkerbells respectively. 35 is a whole bunch of points to be sure. however, the sooners are on a mission this year and they may blow up the scoreboard this weekend. take oklahoma to win and cover the spread.

10/15 arizona st @ oregon. oregon favored by 16 points. another autzen stadium madhouse where bedlam reigns supreme. my beloved ducks will more than likely be without the services of lemichael james this week and maybe for a few more weeks due to his injury against cal. however, the ducks do have freshman de’anthony thomas to fill his shoes. the freshman had a great game last week and hopefully will again this week. oregon puts and end to arizona st’s run for the roses. take the ducks to win and cover the spread. QUACK QUACK!!!

with any luck at all i’ll still have some carry over mojo for this weekend. red meat and red wine. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 8

i’m coming off another stellar week of picks by going 8 for 10 again. that makes it two weeks in a row, kids. pretty sweet if you ask me. i was doing really well up until the last two games when i was sitting on 8 for 8. oklahoma and oregon both won but neither team managed to cover the spread. close but no brass ring and no going 10 for 10 last week. which just goes to show you how difficult it is to have a perfect weekend of picks against the spread. at any rate, i’m now 36 for 70 overall with my mojo seemingly on cruise control and hopefully still working for this week’s picks. i’m inching towards an even more respectable record.

the first BCS poll of the year is out which i’m sure has everyone upset along with something to say about it and/or be pissed off about it. or for most folks probably both at the same time. the bottom line is, with the bane of college football’s existence, the BCS poll, out this past sunday teams can no longer afford the luxury of losing any more games. that is if they want any shot at a decent bowl berth and a big money pay off come late december and early january. though regular readers know how i feel about the whole bowl game system.

as always, remember this is for fun only and the insanity expressed here is not meant to be taken to your local bookmaker, or out of state, or off shore, or off to some native american gaming spot where it could be used as advice for any gaming pursuits. only an insane person would do that. a really insane person. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. it’s as simple as that. paying the mortgage and putting food on the table is more important. don’t be stupid.

the point spreads used here are what i go by to determine my win/loss record for the week. the spreads may change by game time but for my purposes it matters not. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/20 ucla @ arizona. arizona favored by 3 points. neither school is playing very well. ok. sure. the other stoops is already gone and slick rick is hanging by a slender winning record semi sort of making him the king of pac 12 south. yes, of course it makes no sense. but it’s the brave new world order of college ball. odd thing is the wildcats are favored. even if it’s just the home field three. anyway, it’s a prime time thursday night game. more than likely a yawner but you never know. if the arizona kids aren’t totally demoralized they should win this one. if only for the gipper…er…the other stoops AND the guy who recruited them. giving them a chance to play college ball and get a pretty much free college education along the way. take arizona to win and cover the points.

10/22 oklahoma st @ missouri. oklahoma st favored by 7 points. a nice way to start off your saturday morning and all day saturday watching football day with probably a good game. an odd run on type sentence but who cares. also probably lots of points. missouri could win this one by a touchdown but i’m taking the cowboys to win and cover the spread. you should too.

10/22 auburn @ lsu. lsu favored by 22.5 points. a bunch of points. the good thing being it’s a home game for the tigers. so far auburn has been surprising at times this year. lsu is just too much for them though. take lsu to win and cover the points.

10/22 oregon @ colorado. oregon favored by 32 points. my beloved ducks didn’t cover the spread last week and it was half of what it is this week. the phrase, ‘a bunch of points’, comes to mind. i guess the main point being, colorado doesn’t have it this year. if oregon doesn’t get sloppy and they find someone else to step up and fill some more shoes they shouldn’t have any problem winning and covering the large spread. take the ducks. QUACK QUACK!!!

10/22 air force @ boise st. boise st favored by 31 points. smurf turf home game for boise and they rarely if ever get beat or miss the spread at home. air force is treading water this year. sorta like the jet fighter that had to ditch in the ocean then sits waiting for air sea rescue to show up. both schools rumored to have invites to join the big east. two semi west coast schools in the big east? makes sense to me. at any rate, boise st should walk all over the falcons this saturday. take boise st to win and cover the large spread.

10/22 tennessee @ alabama. alabama favored by 29 points. the volunteers did okay against the fighting road kill earlier in the season. although lsu handed them their helmets last week. the tide will do the same this week. take alabama to win and cover the spread. ROLL TIDE!!!

10/22 usc @ notre dame. notre dame favored by 9 points. one of the older college football rivalries. rabid domers still rant about the reggie bush push from the last decade. yeah, perceived slights are hard to let go of in the land of the golden dome. the trojan defense showed up for last week’s game and then played both sides of the ball for the trojan. or seemingly so. a very nice gesture as they’ve missed most of the season so far. this is usc’s bowl game for the year. or at least one of them. um, the pretend ones, since they can’t go to a real one this year. at any rate, if lane has half a brain he should be selling this game as just that, a bowl game. also the defense has to show up again this week and the offense has to run the ball more than a couple of yards at a time. then punt. the golden domers will win but take usc to cover the spread. FIGHT ON!!!

10/22 texas tech @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 28.5 points. plenty of points. the red raiders have done well against the fighting road kill. though when faced with a better opponent they’ve stumbled. they will again this week. stumble. oklahoma rolls on. take the sooners to win and cover the spread. if you get the chance or are a nam vet visit this texas tech site. you’ll be glad you did. http://www.vietnam.ttu.edu/

10/22 washington @ stanford. stanford favored by 20 points. if washington had a better defense this might be a closer game. deal is they don’t. note the colorado final score. andrew luck shreds them this week. take the cardinal to win and cover the spread.

10/22 wisconsin @ michigan st. wisconsin favored by 9 points. yes, the spartans thumped old blue last week. trouble is the badgers can roll up some points. they will again this week against a tough state defense. take wisconsin to win and cover the points.

first BCS poll week and points must be made. there are some happy campers and pissed off rained on parades as well. the safe bet? red meat and red wine. be safe and semi sane. enjoy the games.

jmh

just another desert island music re-visit or a break in the football action

if you’ve stumbled onto to this while looking for my college football picks for week 8 look to the left and click on it or scroll down to the next entry. thanks. jmh

this is the third version of my must have desert island music must have list. the original idea was to have only 10 LPs or Cds to take with you when you’ve been whisked away to some exotic desert island locale. a fine idea to be sure but to any music aficionado 10 would never be enough regardless of the rules, as abitrary as they might be. plus the fact if it’s going to be over the long haul and you’re stuck there for any length of time you are going to get sick of those 10 Lp/Cds. count on it.

yes, of course, with the advent of the iPod things are different today. however, for the purposes of this adventure and assignment the iPod isn’t part of the equation. no iPods allowed. okay, to be truthful if i were an iPod user things might be different. old school dies hard. real hard.

there is also the fact that over a certain period of time your or my musical taste sort of bounces about here and there. it’s fine to have the original 10 selections and even the next 10 selections plus the honorary mentions along for the ride. the fact of the matter is, it’s not enough. more music is still needed to soothe and replenish. so here i am again re-visiting or adding to my already over flowing 10 must have desert island LPS and/or CD’s. so, once again, in no particular order my desert island music list gets a little longer.

1. gram parsons, ‘the gram parsons anthology’ 2 discs. this clears up some space as it has plenty of stuff on from gram’s brief career. including a number of tunes with emmylou harris, the flying burrito bros, and the birds. yes, some repeats from ‘sweetheart of the rodeo’ but who cares. certainly not me.

2. hank lll, ‘risin’ outlaw’. one of my favorite country CDs.

3. hank lll, ‘straight to hell’. speed metal, punk, and country rolled up into one nifty package. for those times when nothing else will do.

4. bob wills and his texas playboys, ‘the essential bob wills: 1935 – 1947′. boy howdy. ride em cowboy.

5. spade cooley, ‘shame on you’. the other half of the western swing battle of the bands. bob and spade duked it out many weekend here in socal a few years before i was born. spade won. well, up until he pummeled his wife to death in the early 60′s.

6. emmylou harris, ‘wrecking ball’. a grammy for emmy and the usual haunting vocals from one of the best.

7. emmylou harris, ‘the very best of emmylou harris’. more haunting vocals from the best of the best.

8. new riders of the purple sage, ‘new riders of the purple sage’. the 1971 first LP by the group. great songs and vocals. jerry garcia shines on steel guitar.

9. tens years after, ‘ten years after’. their first LP. alvin lee is one of the best ax players ever.

10. tens years after, ‘undead’. more of the same and easy to see why i think these guys were one of the best live acts ever.

there they are. 10 more added to the list. i’m sure at some point there will be more. after all, living out the rest of your fantasy life on a desert island is gonna take plenty of music. for editorial purposes i’m going to add the first two at the bottom of this current list. hopefully, there will be room.

“Never under estimate the influence of country music in rock ‘n’ roll.” Keith Richards

jmh

this started out to be a whole mind numbing run down of a old lp i came across a few weeks ago. stuff i hadn’t heard in a very long time. yeah, like 30 plus years. the problem being someone did a short blog on this band last week with a youtube video stuck in it for good measure. my mind numbing thunder had been stolen. so here i am trying to deal with it.

i’ve looked over the 10 lp’s/cd’s and there really isn’t anything i’d change. i could stick some other stuff in there but then i’d be missing the original stuff. you don’t miss your water till the well runs dry.

so maybe an alternate 10 cd desert island music list is needed just in case of some sort of musical emergency or just because i still need to yammer about this one old lp in particular. the other parameters still stand from the original. i won’t repeat them here because i do that enough as it is and if you really care you can read the original.

1. the byrds — ‘sweetheart of the rodeo’. an amazing piece of country music with some of the best peddle steel guitar you are gonna hear this side of hilo hattie and her old b/w tv show from hilo, hawaii in the 50′s. or perhaps spade cooley and his band on local l.a. tv every weekend back in those same b/w 50′s as well. even if you aren’t a fan of country music this will make you a fan or there’s sumpin’ wrong someplace.

2. tower of power — ‘east bay grease’. that’s the one i’ve been obsessing on for the past few weeks. well, actually it’s a greatest hits cd by the band. so i suppose you could interchange either one. however, ‘east bay grease’ was my introduction to them. i’m really not sure just how far east they went from their oakland, ca roots. hence, east bay grease not to be confused with whatever was going on over in the city or frisco as us un-enlightened ones loved calling san francisco just to piss them off. drifting. if you have never heard tower of power you are missing some of the best soul, r and b, and funk to ever be laid out on vinyl. hands down. just another horn band laying down some good stuff. not chicago, or blood, sweat and tears, or cold blood. nope. tower of power. tight ass horn riffs with a bass line along with drums to make any band jealous. ‘you got to funkifize’, ‘your still a young man’, ‘soul vaccination’, and the truly hip ‘what is hip’. try it you’ll like it.

3. peter green’s fleetwood mac — ‘live at the marquee’. yes, the original and still the best fleetwwod mac. just crunched out down home blues.

4. fleetwood mac — ‘men of the world’. a newer lovely 2 cd package of some more old fleetwood mac from the old days. the original ‘black magic woman’ and ‘oh well’ make it worth your while.

5. frank sinatra — ‘live at the sands’. a great lp with old blue eyes belting em out backed by the count basie band. sweet. it doesn’t get much better.

6. the rolling stones — ‘beggars banquet’. some great stuff including the greatest sing a long line ever from ‘sympathy for the devil’.

7. the rolling stones — ‘now’. ‘pain in my heart’ and ‘little red rooster’

8. the rolling stones — ‘out of our heads’. ‘under assistant west coast promotion man’. along with ‘satisfaction’.

9. the rolling stones — ‘aftermath’. ‘think’ and the countrified tunes ‘flight 505 ‘ and ‘high and dry’. along with the 11 minute masturbatory grand finale ‘going home’.

10. cream — ‘fresh cream’. their first lp.

there ya go. my alternate desert island lp’s. of course no top 10 worth it’s salt could be with out a runner-up. this list is no exception. my runner-up would be a double cd of stevie ray vaughan & double trouble’s ‘greatest hits’. actually it just might be interchangeable with ‘fresh cream’ depending on the mood and the moment.

jmh

i’ve kicked this one around in my head for awhile now. other than being transported to some exotic asian place loaded up with all the stuff i’d ever need and babes to go along with it all, where else would work as a nice place to be whisked off to? the obligatory desert island for me. of course, it would have have a nice break, surf wise. maybe chest high glass all day long with some nice barrels that rolled for a bit just so you could get comfortable riding them with a board or body surfing. a kinda kick back and enjoy the ride along with the scenery deal.

i’d need a couple of marshall amps as well or jbl’s, something with some power to them so while i was out in the water i could listen to my music. yes, my desert island would have electricity. cause i am not going if there is no power for stuff. a long time ago i might have but these days, no, i need some comfort. along with a nice bbq, decent food, maybe a lady or two and of course some dago red or white. hmmm, desert islands are hot so some ice cold chinese beer would be nice as well. then of course there’s the music.

now the rub is, i can only take 10 cd’s with me. that’s it because with all the other crap there’s no more room. you see, whisking machines can only hold so much and with a couple of babes along for the trip i’m sure most of the stuff would be theirs anyhow. leaving me only enough room for the 10 cd’s, a pair of shorts, a university of oregon t shirt, some flip flops plus a surfboard and a swim fin. oh yeah, and the massive speakers. i can travel semi light when the need arises.

the real question has been, what 10 cd’s? what music would i really need? what music is gonna make me happy is what it boils down to. plus, what can i listen to over and over again that won’t drive me mad or madder. good questions. i’ve thought about it and i’ve come up with my 10 selections. of course yours would be different. as sly used to sing, different strokes for different folks. no sly didn’t make the cut. at any rate here they are in no particular order.

1. rolling stones- let it bleed, the opening riffs of ‘gimme shelter’ still give me goose bumps.

2. rolling stones- exile on main street, for me it’s says lots of stuff on all kinds of levels.

3. jimi hendrix- electric ladyland, what could be better than crashing through a tube while body surfing and hearing ‘voodoo child’ screaming out from the sand?

4. bob dylan- highway 61 re-visited, if only for ‘desolation row’.

5. the mothers- burnt weeny sandwich, gotta have some of my mothers and that one pretty much covers the mothers’ spectrum, plus i love it.

6. bob dylan- blonde on blonde, ‘visions of johanna’ and ‘sad eyed lady of the lowland’. nuff said.

7. pink floyd- ummagumma live, the ultimate floyd drug experience lp. i still listen to it just for the contact high.

8. van morrison- moondance, this was a really tough one. it boiled down to this cd having ‘into the mystic’ on it. plus ‘moondance’ and he’s always good for getting the ladies interested.

9. paul butterfield blues band- east/west, there aren’t too many blues cd’s out there much better. this one still kicks ass.

10. the allman bros- live at fillmore east, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. this cd is probably the best party cd ever made.

ok. there they are. you are all of course going…well, he’s forgotten and what the fuck is he thinking? and yada yada yada. don’t matter cause it’s my list and my desert island. more importantly, my ears channeling the stuff to be processed by my brain.

this is actually a kind of fun thing to do. it was interesting going over and over stuff to get to the final 10. try it for yourself. the limit is 10 cd’s. no more. oh, i guess you can do less, i wouldn’t, but then it’s all up to you.

music provided by, david bowie, ‘ziggy stardust’, the 30th anniversary edition, an honorary mention.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 9

not a stellar week but a pretty good one in that i went 6 for 10. making my overall standings for the season 42 for 80. respectability continues to inch forward. had it not been for two out right losses and two teams winning but not covering the spread things would have been even better. boise st failed to cover the spread for the third time this year. yes, they won and kellen moore had another stand out day at the helm. however, i see trouble in paradise for boise st. the game announcers yammered on about boise st not seeing the option, as run by air force, more the once or twice every few years in some sort of effort to make the falcons look better than they were or are this year. fact of the matter is, boise should have done much more on defense. the having hardly ever seeing the option logic would mean every team that runs the option would more than likely be undefeated. at any rate, that game should raise a flag or two as it says more about boise st than it does the air force. the boise st kool-aid i drink earlier in the year is beginning to leave a sour taste in my mouth. yes, they won and are still in the top 10 in all the polls. i’m not impressed.

then of course, there was oklahoma getting beat down at home. no one saw that coming. well, except for whoever was in charge of the weather saturday night in norman. hints were being handed out for almost two hours as the teams sat in their locker rooms waiting for the lightning storm to pass. then there’s notre dame, you have to wonder who was in charge of playing a very loud snippet of an old black sabbath tune every chance they got in touchdown jesus land. all of this within ear shot of the golden dome. not particularly bright. is it any wonder the domers fumbled the game away? you can’t have it both ways domers.

just remember, this is for fun only. the insanity dealt out here is not meant to be used by any sane person or used for any gaming purposes. legal or otherwise. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. paying the mortgage, sending the kids to college, and putting a nice marinara sauce or some bbqed kobe burgers on the table is much more important. don’t be stupid.

the point spreads used here are what i use to determine my win loss recored for the week. the points may change before game time but what is here is what i use. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

10/28 byu @ tcu. tcu favored by 13 points. after a slow start buy has started to win again. not the hottest schedule on the planet but they are winning and putting some points on the board. tcu isn’t all that this year as well. take buy to get inside the spread but tcu should win.

10/29 michigan st @ nebraska. nebraska favored by 4 points. nebraska gets the home field 3 plus 1. a close game but i’m thinking nebraska wins and covers at home.

10/29 washington st @ oregon. oregon favored by 36 points. another autzen madhouse. if my beloved ducks don’t take the cougars too lightly they should be able to cover the large bunch of points. take the ducks to win and cover the spread. QUACK QUACK!!

10/29 illinois @ penn st. illinois favored by 5 points. interesting big 10 or 12 match-up. penn st and joe pa rain on the illini’s parade. they may not win but they’ll get inside the spread. take penn st.

10/29 baylor @ oklahoma st. oklahoma favored st by 13.5 points. baylor has had a decent year so far in beating some good schools. if this were a home game for them things might be different. take the cowboys to win and cover the points.

10/29 oklahoma @ kansas st. oklahoma favored by 13.5 points. kansas st is one of the surprises this year. however, this is about pride and saving a sinking ship for the sooners. good game. the the sooners to win and cover the spread.

10/29 clemson @ georgia tech. clemson favored by 4 points. keeping it simple. this isn’t clemson’s first loss of the year. take them to win and cover the points.

10/29 stanford @ usc. stanford favored by 7.5 points. both trojan squads showed for the game last week and another bowl game for the trojans. if the defense can hold on and the offense can score this could be a big surprise for stanford. home town crowd for the men of troy makes a difference as well. if lane keeps them up and there’s no let down they’ll at minimum cover the points. take usc to cover. FIGHT ON!!

10/29 wisconsin @ ohio st. wisconsin favored by 7 points. another one for pride. the badgers need this one. not desperately but they need it none the less. take wisconsin to win and cover the points.

10/29 iowa st @ texas tech. texas tech favored by 15 points. i had another game picked but decided to go with this one instead. i may have been right about the other game. time will tell. iowa st has been a bit sloppy so far this year. the red raiders are on a high after last weeks game. another interesting match-up. iowa st may surprise here. or maybe not. take texas tech to win and cover the spread.

it’s getting good out there on saturday’s, kids. enjoy the games. as always the safe bet red food and red wine. marinara and red vino. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 10

i was semi mediocre in going 5 for 10 again for week 9. my over all now stands at 47 for 90. all of my wins for the week coming in by early saturday. by late saturday afternoon the wheels started to come off. at least the brakes held up and it wasn’t a total crash and burn. the mojo is still there but that’s about it. it’s just there. hopefully, it will wake up again for this weekends games. some good games last time around that brought about some BCS poll changes this week with perhaps more coming down the pike again next week. time tells.

hats off to coach lane and his crew for getting the trojans up enough to hang and almost take out stanford. a stellar game regardless of the outcome. though the 3rd overtime rule and stanford’s forced two point conversion sealed my fate for the week. then there’s lane’s after game dumb ass rant. you did a fine job but you lost, coach. don’t blame the officials. you had plenty of time earlier in the game to score some more points. the ducks held on and beat washington st but didn’t cover the spread. not a good sign for coach visor head and oregon. if they couldn’t manhandle a dismal team like the cougars what are they going to do about stanford? but that’s getting ahead of ourselves by a week.

as always, these picks are for fun and entertainment purposes only. taking what’s written here and heading off to your local gaming establishment or shady character on some street corner would be a pretty good definition of insanity. don’t do it. leave your wallet where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. the point spreads used here are what i use to determine my record for the week. things might change by game time but it matters not. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/5 texas tech @ texas. texas favored by 14 points. just another rivalry saturday in the state of texas. the longhorns only losses this season were courtesy of the state of oklahoma. tech got hammered by the cowboys last weekend. what’s going on here? what does it all mean? probably a pretty good game. take texas to win and cover the spread.

11/5 texas a&m @ oklahoma. oklahoma favored by 14 points. another good game kids. texas a&m hasn’t beaten a ranked team yet this year. it’s not going to happen this week either. take oklahoma to win and cover the spread.

11/5 kansas st @ oklahoma st. oklahoma st favored by 21 points. it’s the state of oklahoma’s year to shine or so it would seem. the cowboys are on a roll and are heading towards dec 3 and the other undefeated oklahoma. another good game. the TV remote will be getting a nice workout this saturday. take the cowboys to win and cover the points.

11/5 stanford @ oregon st. stanford favored by 21 points. it’s amazing what a year can do to a football program. the beavers have fallen on hard times this year. the other oregon for stanford after a scare in socal. a fumble recovery away from a big time loss and a little bit of luck. i suppose that’s all it takes. if there isn’t a let down and they don’t take state lightly they’ll cover the spread and win. take stanford.

11/5 houston @ uab. houston favored by 27.5 points. houston the number 14 BCS team? that’s what it says. after years of muttering under my breath about boise st there is another team with no schedule sitting in the middle of the BCS pack. it’s a strange world indeed. good old conference usa. a collection of fighting road kill schools hell bent on respectability with even ucla tossed into their win list. i dumped another game so i could add this one in some sort of, well, some sort of something. diversity? insanity? regardless, i suppose houston stays undefeated and further sullies up the BCS mess. take houston to win and cover the points.

11/5 s. carolina @ arkansas. arkansas favored by 4.5 points. two one loss schools in another good game. a game that might and can go either way. home field and the razorbacks. along with the old ball coach wishing he’d dumped garcia for good last year. take arkansas to win and cover the spread.

11/5 arizona st @ ucla. arizona st favored by 9.5 points. i’m surprised it’s only 9.5 points but then slick rick is fighting for his job and he’s doing a good job doing it. the sun devils need this one to stay on track for the pac 12 southern section lead. there’s an odd sentence and one straight from the brave new world of college ball. as sad as it might be. the bruins do have shot in this one coming off a win against cal. though their MO for the season is win one blow the next one. slick rick was yammering about that on the news the other night. the bruins stay the course. take arizona st to win and cover the spread.

11/5 lsu @ alabama. alabama favored by 4.5 points. the game of the day among a number of good ones. number one vs number two in the BCS poll. home field advantage bama. it should be enough. take the tide to roll on and win covering the points. ROLL TIDE!!!

11/5 oregon @ washington. oregon favored by 15 points. the ducks are coming off a lackluster win against the other washington. along with another failure to cover the spread. at least my beloved ducks don’t have a bazillion points to cover this weekend for a change. one week before the showdown with stanford. i should probably take washington to cover but i drank the duck kool-aid way back in 1958. it’s too late to stop now. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!!!

11/5 boise st @ unlv. boise st favored by 42 points. boise st has had a hard time with the spread this year. they can’t seem to cover it some weeks. a new thing for them. they need to kick it up a notch this weekend against unlv who’ll be playing this one like a bowl game they actually want to be in. plus, for what it’s worth, it’s downtown vegas, baby. i’ll probably be kicking myself come saturday night but take boise st to win and cover the points.

ok. it’s ‘TV remote workout weekend’ not to be confused with upset weekend or another moniker weekend you want to hang on it. just remember you heard it here first. make sure you have new batteries in the sucker so you can fully enjoy all of the games by flying back and forth between channels until your head explodes. the safe bet as always, red meat and red wine. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 11

i had another satisfying ok week by going 6 for 10 last time around. my over all now stands at, 53 for 100. respectability one week at a time. had the game of the decade gone differently or at least not been a defensive donnybrook with a slew of missed field goals and sundry other opportunities tossed under team buses things might have been different. having never been a fan of games where the defense puts on the show i thought it was a yawner and i actually fell asleep mid first quarter. well before it became even more apparent that no one was scoring anything near or resembling a touchdown for the evening. yeah, well, so sue me. i’m not a fan of leather helmet football. at any rate, it just goes to show you how important your field goal kicker(s) can be. see the ucla arizona st game as well. i should have also listened to myself and not taken boise st to cover the spread. something they have regularly failed at this year though they still remain undefeated. so far. but will it get them a shot at the big dance if they keep it up? i don’t know but i do know i don’t want to see lsu alabama play again any time soon.

as always this is for fun only. using anything you read here for any sort of gaming purpose would be incredibly insane and you would deserve whatever bad things come your way if you do. don’t be stupid, leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. paying the rent and putting some decent food and vino on the table is much more important than helping to build bigger casinos somewhere.

the point spreads used here may change by game times. i don’t care. what is here is what i use to determine my wins and losses. onward.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/10 virginia tech @ georgia tech. virginia tech favored by 1 point. let’s keep it simple for the thursday night game. take georgia tech to win.

11/12 auburn @ georgia. georgia favored by 13.5 points. i’m not sure where the 13.5 points are coming from. the game should be a close one. or that’s my thinking. take auburn to possibly win but they will get inside the 13.5 point spread.

11/12 w. virginia @ cincinnati. cincinnati favored by 3.5 points. neither school plays a tough schedule. though both play some pretty good football at times. take cincy and the home field 3 to win and cover.

11/12 michigan st @ iowa. michigan st favored by 2.5 points. the spartans haven’t done well on the road this year. iowa isn’t having one of their better years either. probably a close game. michigan st turns their road record around. take michigan st to win and cover the spread.

11/12 tcu @ boise st. boise st favored by 15 points. smurf turf home game where the boise squad doesn’t normally miss the spread. i’m sure tcu will really be up for this one. boise starts out slow but gains momentum. probably not like any of their recent bowl games but, take boise st to win and cover the points.

11/12 wyoming @ air force. air force favored by 14.5 points. wyoming air force? sure, why not? the cowboys are playing fairly well again after a number of years in the doldrums. when wyoming is winning or at least .500, i’m a fan for some reason. air force is always good for putting some points on the board and giving folks fits even if the falcons don’t win. in my opinion this will be a good one and a game i hope i’ll be able to watch. if the falcons play like they did against army they will be in trouble. i don’t think they will. however, this is an early bowl game for the cowboys. wyoming may not win but they’ll get inside the spread. take them.

11/12 nebraska @ penn st. nebraska favored by 3 points. plenty of off the field drama at penn st. take the cornhuskers to win and cover the points.

11/12 washington @ usc. usc favored by 12.5 points. the trojans come off a rout of colorado with matt throwing for a record 6 td’s. washington has surprised the trojans a few times the last couple of years. hopefully, lane has that figured out by now and there’s no letdown following last weeks game. if the trojans get some early points on the board they should roll. take usc to win and cover the spread. FIGHT ON!!!

11/12 ucla @ utah. utah favored by 7 points. it looks as if slick rick will keep his job. or at least for now. the bruins are still on top of the pac south with others. as odd as all that seems. plus, two wins in a row for ucla. heady territory for the ucla squad which will go bowling with another win. probably not the rose bowl but someplace. at any rate, the winning streak ends this week. norm chow will be looking to make a statement, count on it. take utah to win and cover the points.

11/12 oregon @ stanford. stanford favored by 3.5 points. unlike the ‘big game’ of last weekend this game should, at the very least, have a few touchdowns each by the end of the first quarter. if we’re lucky it will be a total shoot out or one or the other team will dominate on the field and on the scoreboard. the adage: ‘the best defense is a good offense’, applies here. the ducks are at a disadvantage playing away from autzen stadium and their rabidly wasted student fan base. stanford on the other hand may well be down their two best receivers for the game. maybe things will even out. none the less, i’m looking forward to this one, kids. rose bowl implications along with big dance implications. stanford hasn’t been in this position since the days of ty willingham. which brings to mind an email i sent off to a stanford web associate editor dealing with the new, at the time, stanford logo/nickname. i think i’ll share it with you. sure, why not? exactly. i figure if i leave out the young lady’s name it will be ok. no sense dragging her into this mess unannounced. yeah, i saved the exchange from 10 years ago.

hi guys,

hey, this may seem to be rather frivolus in these trying times, but well what can i say? i have been an off and on stanford football rooter for much of my 53 years. i really liked the indian nickname but i guess it proved to be too politically incorrect for some folks. not me i can assure you. we now have the new nickname, the cardinal, with a tree for a logo. a sequioa to be sure. a very noble tree and one of my favorites. however, it just doesn’t have the bite the indians had. particularly in a year like this one when you guys have a decent football team. my proposal would be to change the nickname yet again. this time to, the lelands. in honor of the founder of stanford, a former governor of california, and railroad big wig, leland stanford. what a perfect nickname! just imagine, you could use gold and silver railroad spikes in the logo. or a nice top hat. or both. wow! also, the once vaunted stanford marching band would have lots of stuff to play with making halftimes a fun time once again for us tv viewers. thanks for your time.

regards,

john hauge

stanford’s response:

Hello!

Thanks for your thoughts. I have forwarded your message on to the Athletics department for their consideration.

Sincerely,

(signed by the editor in question who will remain anonymous)

ok. so what does this all mean? the athletic department apparently ignored my novel, if not insane, suggestion. sadly. the game this week? no, i haven’t forgotten. the ducks are on the south side of the spread and if i’m not mistaken that’s a first for the year. possibly a sloppy playing field. if the stanford defense slows the ducks down early they may have some trouble. can the duck defense handle the thumping the trees running game will give them? this game is also andrew luck’s heisman trophy game. it’s the trees year. i love my ducks but take stanford to win and cover.

another great weekend of college ball with the safe bet as always being, red meat and red wine. hopefully, the predicted rain for these parts will let up enough for some protein on the barbie. enjoy your weekend and the games. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh

2011 college football picks week 12

it was the best of times. it was the worst of times. or approaching something like it. it all pretty much describes my record for the past week. i went 5 for 10 again. putting my overall standings for the year at, 58 for 110. stuck on mediocre. at least i’m not tanking. also at least the game of the week rolled up some points and proved to be much more exciting than the previous week’s saturday night big game of the week. my ducks surprised me by winning and in doing that they take some of the sting out of the loss on the books. boise st fails to cover one more time then loses any shot at the big dance by dumping the game with a missed field goal. deja vu all over again. they seem to find stellar receivers and quarterbacks but can’t recruit any kickers. i guess they figure they really don’t need one. well, sometimes you do. the past two weekends has born that out for several other schools too not just boise. a huge shout out to the wyoming cowboys for making one of my picks look very good. nice job beating air force. hats off to norm chow as well. sticking it to slick rick must have felt pretty good. though utah’s defense won the game.

the information or insanity dished out here is for fun and entertainment purposes only. taking any of the insanity to a gaming establishment, legal or otherwise, would be supremely stupid. don’t do it. leave your wallet in your pocket where it belongs and nobody gets hurt. taking care of your family is more important than losing rent and food money by chasing the pot of gold at the end of the sports betting rainbow.

the point spreads here are what i use to determine my win loss record for the week. some of them may change by game time. it doesn’t matter. what’s here is what i use.

rock ‘n’ roll.

11/18 oklahoma st @ iowa st. oklahoma st favored by 26.5 points. friday night lights college style. iowa st can play some football. they’ve also played four ranked teams so far this year. more than some of the ranked teams play all season. oklahoma st will be their fifth ranked opponent, a very heady one to be sure. 26.5 is a bunch of points and yes the cowboys were impressive in almost blowing up the scoreboard last week. however, iowa st home crowd and one game away from a possible bowl game make the cyclones dangerous and probably in a spoiling mood. oklahoma st wins but iowa st gets inside the spread. take the cyclones.

11/19 nebraska @ michigan. michigan favored by 3.5 points. possibly a good game and a tough pick. an emotional week 11 for the cornhuskers along with a squeaker win. their second hostile road game in a row as well. take michigan to win and cover.

11/19 wisconsin @ illinois. wisconsin favored by 14 points. illinois began the year on a roll then hit the wall week 7. they haven’t recovered. wisconsin on the other hand has rolled over their tepid competition. illinois needs another win for a possible bowl shot. wisconsin wins but illinois surprises and gets inside the points. take illinois.

11/19 smu @ houston. houston favored by 19.5 points. houston the lone non-automatic bowl kid left standing. undefeated as well. undefeated in conference usa with NO wins against a ranked team. conference usa and the mac, the rodney dangerfields of college ball. smu beat tcu. if coach june jones gets smu worked up enough they’ll at least get inside the points. take smu.

11/19 lsu @ mississippi st. lsu favored by 28.5 points. home game and mississippi st’s bowl game with one chance at being a big time spoiler. a nice scenario for the rebels. lsu will more than likely win but take miss st to beat the spread and make it, say a 2 touchdown win for lsu. take miss st.

11/19 boise st @ san diego st. boise st favored by 18 points. a decent year for the aztecs. another win would pretty much assure some sort of bowl bid. making this game a close one would probably work just as well for them. take san diego st to get inside the spread.

11/19 oklahoma @ baylor. oklahoma favored by 15.5 points. the sooners should roll though baylor might surprise. take oklahoma to win and cover.

11/19 kansas st @ texas. texas favored by 9.5 points. probably a good game and one that state would have a better shot at if it were a home game. take the longhorns to win and cover.

11/19 usc @ oregon. oregon favored by 15.5 points. another bowl game for the trojans. along with another stab at playing spoiler again. if usc gets on top early and the defense catches the plane to portland the ducks will have their hands full. a good game kids and one with the potential for high scoring and high drama. oregon rarely loses at home. the autzen crowd is one of the loudest and most rabid in the land of college ball. along with the kansas/texas game this is another tough pick. my toughest, as i love my ducks and trojans. the ducks should win but there are a lot of ‘ifs’ in regards to usc. a wet, loud, and cold playing field for one. take the ducks to win and cover. QUACK QUACK!! my wife and i make a trip to usc medical center this coming friday. i guess i’ll be wearing one of my duck t-shirts. yeah, i’m crazy. but you knew that already.

11/19 california @ stanford. stanford favored by 19 points. the battle by the bay or emerald city. take your pick. the trees try to make a comeback on their home turf after the ducks embarrassed them there. or at least that’s the trees hope. amazingly enough the bears are bowl eligible. another wet and cold playing field. take the trees to win, cover, and redeem themselves.

the season dwindles down to the final weeks. it’s the weekend before thanksgiving and some of the better rivalries still to come along with all the championship games. enjoy what’s left of the shortest and sweetest season. as always, the safest bet, red meat and red wine. be safe. be semi sane.

jmh